oh.my.god. oh my god ohmygod ohmygod OMG OMG OMG!!!
eh, kejap!
kenape aku yg kecoh pasal result o level ni??! kan dah lame over...
pfft.
never mind.
anyway, especially to my juniors, dan kepada muslims yg ambil o level tahun lepas amnye:
it seems that you can now do nothing to change your result. the outcome. wonderful or dreadful. i just want to share with you one thing: pray. du'a.
yes. that's the key..... in reality, you can still make du'a..... not pray so that your grades will change miraculously, but pray that you can, will, accept whatever verdict that you may get.
it's hard, you know. sometimes you are just bogged down with regret, shame, that you might have not done enough for your o level.... or tied with uncertainty, or suddenly bloated with confidence... it's mixed up.
the most important thing is, you redha with your result. however hard, saddening, disappointing it may be......... that's why you must pray to Allah...ask Him for the utmost strength, to face the reality, to try not to quelch in anger, humiliation...whatsoever.
i mean, you dont know what to expect right? you could get a not-so-good result when you were confident that you would pass with flying colours. or you could just crack under the pressure of not knowing.... wanttoknow, dontwanttoknow.
that was what i did. du'a. coz i was just so worried that i might react irrationally/emotionally when the result comes. i prayed that Allah will strengthen my heart, mind and body to go through the result day, n days after that, and to not give up and give in to syaitan..
*ish~ sebenarnye, susah betul me nak sampaikan ape yg terbuku dlm hati... leceh betul ah tulis dlm bahase inggeris nih!*
pendek kata:
jangan lupa doa ye?
agar Allah tenangkan hati, beri kesabaran dan juga ketabahan pada diri. oh! dan tk lupa juga, kekuatan untuk harungi hari2 yg akan dtg. klw putus asa pon, biarlah rase putus asa itu hilang dgn segera, jadi kite tk dwell dlm kesedihan dan langsung terpengaruh dgn emosi.. jika kite memang layak terima result yg tk baik disebabkan kurang usaha, kurniakanlah rase redha atas kesilapan kite tu... sbb kite manusia ni selalu aje kesal dgn kesilapan lalu... bila dah kesal, tk boleh nak move on... jadi kite mesti berdoa agar rase kesal tu tk terbawak2 smpi menjejas judgement kite..
"Ya Allah, jika aku mendapat keputusan yang baik, lindungilah aku dari rase riak... bangga.."
"walau ape pon keputusannye, kuatkanlah hati ini.."
dan minta kepada Allah, tunjukkan jalan yang terbaik untuk kite ambil...bukakan hati kite, lapangkan dada kite untuk lihat pilihan yang Allah dah tetapkan..... moga2 kite mendapat pimpinan Allah dalam membuat keputusan seterusnya..
Amiin...
it's the least you can do, yet the best thing you should do while waiting for the Big-O day~~
p/s: actually, i still cant get over my o level days.... up until the time when i saw the result... *huge sigh*
i couldn't have imagined
i attended sapphite today (or is it 'tonight'?), an appreciation night organised by saff-perdaus.
it was all ok =) not much in the aturcara, however, overall, it was fine with me.. i got a certificate (recognising individual's contribution to saff in the past year).. but it was not mine. there was another liana (different spelling ya!), so the certificate was meant for her. but the emcee didnt say the full name. nvm, i wasnt really embarrassed anyway. afterwards, i gave the cert to liana, and i got mine eventually =)
i received another unofficial proposal some time during the event... hmmm... i will have to think about it...
oh, yes. about the title of this post:
you see... i cant really believe that i am now involved in a youth-student body/organization/department. i mean, 3 years ago i was busy looking after my school's student society..other than that, competitions and studies...
starting from zip project, i became an observer. and i had a kind of ambition, i think, that one day, i would like to be part of the youth activism (is there such a word??), to actually organize events for other youths/children, to be in the project team.. bla bla bla..
n now, here i am. studying in TP has indeed opened a doorway to this ambition of mine. first, i was introduced to Nur Ikhwan, then NYPMS, n somehow, i got to be a part of ramadhan rocks, a ramadhan project by saff. if you notice, the muslim youth organisations are indeed networking with each other. i mean, from what i know and see, a person in NI is also involved in NYPMS (MVAC, that is) n also contributes in saff, and sometimes, fmsa. or maybe, mendaki.
ingat lagi... zip project was the first experience for me, as to be involved in youth volunteering. at that time, i was sure that i was the only alsagoffian to be involved in the workforce. heh. it was like a special opportunity for me. maybe what i had seen and learn would be useful for my managerial and organisational skills in prisma. oh! n there were alsagoffians involved: they volunteered in zip to streets, i think (i remembered 'ziptoschool' je..)..
i did not know anyone. everything was new to me. so it wasnt a suprise that my part was minute. i couldnt really recall the significance of my role. i was posted to saff centre, which was one of the 'zipcentres'... i did packing of items into the ziplock bags, received and passed few phonecalls. that was it, i guess.
of course, this was also the time i started to become aware of youth activities.. n the familiar faces that were behind them.. i still remember some of the people whom i met during the zip project, n though some of them do not know me, i remember their faces. and those faces i saw/see/will see again about 1+ year(s) later and beyond.
yesterday, i was unknown. and i did not really make friends with the sisters. today, i was part of them, and tomorrow i'll get to meet, properly introduce myself and know more of those familiar faces =)
im not involved in any mosque's youth wing, though. coz i choose not to. for some reasons.
well, i guess, what im trying to say is, baru sekaranglah..bila dah keluar sekolah..akhirnye me dapat libatkan diri dlm aktiviti2 belia...bukanlah maksudnye, mase kt alsagoff dulu, i was restricted/prevented from joining, tapi it was more like, i didnt have the real intentions, nor the right channels and contacts. sekarang, alhamdulillah~, me diberi peluang...
and like i said, these muslim youths im talking about, they're interconnected. =)
it's kinda amazing - all the things that have happened around, and finally, to me. it's God's beautiful and subtle work =)
talk about fate! =p
it was all ok =) not much in the aturcara, however, overall, it was fine with me.. i got a certificate (recognising individual's contribution to saff in the past year).. but it was not mine. there was another liana (different spelling ya!), so the certificate was meant for her. but the emcee didnt say the full name. nvm, i wasnt really embarrassed anyway. afterwards, i gave the cert to liana, and i got mine eventually =)
i received another unofficial proposal some time during the event... hmmm... i will have to think about it...
oh, yes. about the title of this post:
you see... i cant really believe that i am now involved in a youth-student body/organization/department. i mean, 3 years ago i was busy looking after my school's student society..other than that, competitions and studies...
starting from zip project, i became an observer. and i had a kind of ambition, i think, that one day, i would like to be part of the youth activism (is there such a word??), to actually organize events for other youths/children, to be in the project team.. bla bla bla..
n now, here i am. studying in TP has indeed opened a doorway to this ambition of mine. first, i was introduced to Nur Ikhwan, then NYPMS, n somehow, i got to be a part of ramadhan rocks, a ramadhan project by saff. if you notice, the muslim youth organisations are indeed networking with each other. i mean, from what i know and see, a person in NI is also involved in NYPMS (MVAC, that is) n also contributes in saff, and sometimes, fmsa. or maybe, mendaki.
ingat lagi... zip project was the first experience for me, as to be involved in youth volunteering. at that time, i was sure that i was the only alsagoffian to be involved in the workforce. heh. it was like a special opportunity for me. maybe what i had seen and learn would be useful for my managerial and organisational skills in prisma. oh! n there were alsagoffians involved: they volunteered in zip to streets, i think (i remembered 'ziptoschool' je..)..
i did not know anyone. everything was new to me. so it wasnt a suprise that my part was minute. i couldnt really recall the significance of my role. i was posted to saff centre, which was one of the 'zipcentres'... i did packing of items into the ziplock bags, received and passed few phonecalls. that was it, i guess.
of course, this was also the time i started to become aware of youth activities.. n the familiar faces that were behind them.. i still remember some of the people whom i met during the zip project, n though some of them do not know me, i remember their faces. and those faces i saw/see/will see again about 1+ year(s) later and beyond.
yesterday, i was unknown. and i did not really make friends with the sisters. today, i was part of them, and tomorrow i'll get to meet, properly introduce myself and know more of those familiar faces =)
im not involved in any mosque's youth wing, though. coz i choose not to. for some reasons.
well, i guess, what im trying to say is, baru sekaranglah..bila dah keluar sekolah..akhirnye me dapat libatkan diri dlm aktiviti2 belia...bukanlah maksudnye, mase kt alsagoff dulu, i was restricted/prevented from joining, tapi it was more like, i didnt have the real intentions, nor the right channels and contacts. sekarang, alhamdulillah~, me diberi peluang...
and like i said, these muslim youths im talking about, they're interconnected. =)
it's kinda amazing - all the things that have happened around, and finally, to me. it's God's beautiful and subtle work =)
talk about fate! =p
an Invitation to me
i just dont know what to say!
with school, school work, more school, school, studies, taekwondo trainings, tutoring, group presentationssss.... i just dont know if i can accept this invitation.
my shoulders felt heavy immediately as i read the invitation letter, was told about the reasons my being invited. my heart still feels heavy. no, wait! it's my thoracic cavity that feels heavy. hah!
heavy with what?? i know, i dunno, i know.... ergh! maybe discouragement, dread... *why is my body having a shivering sensation now?* dissatisfaction...
" I am now pleased to invite you to be part of this vibrant Saff management team. You have been specially recommended by your peers in Saff, to head the the Ramadhan project , under the Programme Management Division . This is testament to your strong leadership and managerial skills, as well as our confidence in your commitment to da'wah and volunteer work. We believe that we have much to learn from you, and that this will be a wonderful learning opportunity for us as a team. "
i dont have to make a decision hastily, of course. n to think of it, this task is some sort of a long term one... it's after my exams anyway..
but, there is something that disturbs me. a lot. that i cant voice it out to anyone. not without the doubt that anyone would want to listen and understand.
with school, school work, more school, school, studies, taekwondo trainings, tutoring, group presentationssss.... i just dont know if i can accept this invitation.
my shoulders felt heavy immediately as i read the invitation letter, was told about the reasons my being invited. my heart still feels heavy. no, wait! it's my thoracic cavity that feels heavy. hah!
heavy with what?? i know, i dunno, i know.... ergh! maybe discouragement, dread... *why is my body having a shivering sensation now?* dissatisfaction...
" I am now pleased to invite you to be part of this vibrant Saff management team. You have been specially recommended by your peers in Saff, to head the the Ramadhan project , under the Programme Management Division . This is testament to your strong leadership and managerial skills, as well as our confidence in your commitment to da'wah and volunteer work. We believe that we have much to learn from you, and that this will be a wonderful learning opportunity for us as a team. "
i dont have to make a decision hastily, of course. n to think of it, this task is some sort of a long term one... it's after my exams anyway..
but, there is something that disturbs me. a lot. that i cant voice it out to anyone. not without the doubt that anyone would want to listen and understand.
my third TKD grading
i was damn nervous yesterday (sunday, 7 jan 07)... nervous-wrecked, to be more accurate... it was quite unnerving, to see myself getting nervous, scared, worried, coz for all i know, i had practised quite well for the grading pattern.
looking deeper, i realised that the feeling bubbled like a boiling pot coz i felt more pressured.. i wanted to get a double promotion.. yes, my little self had whispered to my bigger self that i should get the double promo this time.. considering my moves had more strength..
oh! how humiliating it was! I was humiliated by my own self! you should know your place, young lady! just go bit by bit lah~! why must you crave for that double promotion?? want to get on the fast track is it?? duh!
anyway...im having strong feelings that i will not get the double promo. coz.. hmm.. 3 of my tkd friends were asked to do their patterns again. this usually means that there is a possibility of getting double promotion. 2 guys, as i watched them, did well. 1 girl, i didnt see, coz she stood behind me.. but i reckon she did well too.. but, repeating ur pattern can also mean that you did not fare well the first time. so the judge will ask you to do it again, to see if you'll do better or the same or worse. and this will lead to whether you pass or fail.
no double promo..i guess it's ok.. at least i know that i pass this grading. i just know, you know =) coz there werent really any glitches when i was doing my pattern. *ermmm...do i sound over-confident?? coz im not. im being realistic*
ok, so.. i took pictures! yey! =)
most of the year 1 tkdians who went for the grading.. another 3 or 4 people not in the picture..
i like this picture most! see the background, the station where my friends n i were graded is not in the picture (it's wayy on the right side)
the girls.. not in the picture: shin rong
the guys.. sickos! i said dont move, right???! now look what happen to the picture!
stubborn! serve you right to be displayed here in my blog..with all you antics! boys~~ -_-'
we were all not ready!
supposed to be a serious-face shot.. but who cares! haha!
with jia ling.. black-belt. she was from ITE..*fuh~ mesti budak pandai ar* now in TPenggineering.. =)
with pei yong, the girl who possibly will get a double promotion =) we get along well with each other =)
and by the way, this is my IVP pattern team: janice, pei yong, liyana and yanning. though it is still subject to change.. coach will the select the best to represent TP.. mmMmMmm.. ::
bye!
looking deeper, i realised that the feeling bubbled like a boiling pot coz i felt more pressured.. i wanted to get a double promotion.. yes, my little self had whispered to my bigger self that i should get the double promo this time.. considering my moves had more strength..
oh! how humiliating it was! I was humiliated by my own self! you should know your place, young lady! just go bit by bit lah~! why must you crave for that double promotion?? want to get on the fast track is it?? duh!
anyway...im having strong feelings that i will not get the double promo. coz.. hmm.. 3 of my tkd friends were asked to do their patterns again. this usually means that there is a possibility of getting double promotion. 2 guys, as i watched them, did well. 1 girl, i didnt see, coz she stood behind me.. but i reckon she did well too.. but, repeating ur pattern can also mean that you did not fare well the first time. so the judge will ask you to do it again, to see if you'll do better or the same or worse. and this will lead to whether you pass or fail.
no double promo..i guess it's ok.. at least i know that i pass this grading. i just know, you know =) coz there werent really any glitches when i was doing my pattern. *ermmm...do i sound over-confident?? coz im not. im being realistic*
ok, so.. i took pictures! yey! =)
most of the year 1 tkdians who went for the grading.. another 3 or 4 people not in the picture..
i like this picture most! see the background, the station where my friends n i were graded is not in the picture (it's wayy on the right side)
the girls.. not in the picture: shin rong
the guys.. sickos! i said dont move, right???! now look what happen to the picture!
stubborn! serve you right to be displayed here in my blog..with all you antics! boys~~ -_-'
we were all not ready!
supposed to be a serious-face shot.. but who cares! haha!
with jia ling.. black-belt. she was from ITE..*fuh~ mesti budak pandai ar* now in TPenggineering.. =)
with pei yong, the girl who possibly will get a double promotion =) we get along well with each other =)
and by the way, this is my IVP pattern team: janice, pei yong, liyana and yanning. though it is still subject to change.. coach will the select the best to represent TP.. mmMmMmm.. ::
bye!
disorganized.
i need to clean up the mess in my life.
my everyday schedule..
my commitments..
all are now jumbled up.. i need to organize them into suitable routines.
naik pening sey biler pikir pasal ni!
main subjects, cds, cca, tutoring, tahfiz, MS, social life... and the-most-probable-thing-to-happen dpi.
shrug.
*newest update*
tk jadi nak enrol for DPI *huge relief for me, really!* coz of... not sure if it's appropriate to be mentioned here. sorry.
*end of newest update*
ok, another week is upon us..
so have a good week ahead!
my everyday schedule..
my commitments..
all are now jumbled up.. i need to organize them into suitable routines.
naik pening sey biler pikir pasal ni!
main subjects, cds, cca, tutoring, tahfiz, MS, social life... and the-most-probable-thing-to-happen dpi.
shrug.
*newest update*
tk jadi nak enrol for DPI *huge relief for me, really!* coz of... not sure if it's appropriate to be mentioned here. sorry.
*end of newest update*
ok, another week is upon us..
so have a good week ahead!
The Attraction
ah, yes, ladies and gentlemen... after months of waiting, we're finally here to witness the most anticipating confession by none other by the writer herself.
*winks*
haha..ok, cut the crap!
hmmm..one of the challenges in poly for me, personally, is facing beautiful and good-looking creatures of the male homo sapien sapiens. beautiful? well, yes. i shall not take back that word, albeit using it to describe men..
again, cut the crap! nak gunekan bahase purely english susah ah....susah nak explain ape yg kite nak sampaikan! blergh!
ok, so... mmg hari2 ujian kt sekolah... tapi tk heran jugak ah... sbb dah biase.. lagipon, me bukan jenis yg nampak lelaki wasim je terus "eh! handsomenye lelaki nie" or "tgk kt situ..yang pakai baju merah tu... handsome sey.." YUCK! sakit telinge dengar... tapi... unfortunately, me ade kwn2 sekolah yg macam gitu..jadi terpakselah buat muke selamba bila diorg ckp mcm gitu... kadang2 tu... topic lelaki boleh memanjang plak.... bagi me, isinye cukup tk penting... baik dari memberi gelaran kpd si fulan, kepada cerite "semalam aku chat dgn dekni..." bla bla bla..
kawan2 yg dah kenal me lame mungkin tahu lelaki bagaiman yg me tertarik.. alamak..me tersenyum2 sendiri plak kt sini!... klw tkde yg tahu pon, tkpe.. biar hati me mnie, hanye Tuhan je yg tahu =)
that's why bila ade gathering MSes (Muslim Societies)...or ape2 je event yg melibatkan belia Melayu Islam...me hesitant nak join... walaupon ilmu/pengalaman menunggu disana...tapi me selalu pikir... ramai lelaki ke tidak eh... takut tergugat iman.. silap2, baik niat kite nak tuntun ilmu, niat kite dicemari dgn actions dan pikiran2 yang tk betul..
haiz~
ok... i remembered a cousion of mine (you know who you are!) asking me if i have had crushes before..i answered something like "of course! im a human.." n dia nak tahu sape.. haha! no way that im gonna tell you! but..thinking about it.. i dont think i mind sharing it with my readers... coz it's my past, when i was still quite naive and...i dunno..it's funny when i remember all these..the days of yore.. and i dont think most of you will know who i'll be talking about.. maybe some, or few, of you..
here goes:
my first crush, i think, was a friend of my brother. hah! i was...maybe 7,8,9 or 10 years old back then.. hehe.. dia wasim.. mmg tk dinafikan. as i got older, rase crush2 nie sume dgn sendirinye hilang. lagipon, me tk tahu ape khabar dia skrg.. pendek kate, semuanye normal.. if you ask me, kecil2 dah suke2 org..kwn abang sendiri plak tu, ape yg menariknye ttg dia? hahaha... maaf, me tk dpt nak jwb tu.. sbb me pon tk tahu! haha!
then, my next crush was a relative of me. yes.. as some of you might know.. i dont really talk to my male relatives... dari kecil lagi dah malu2 sakan... plus the fact that me jarang jumpe sedare-mare.. haha! mungkin period yang ketare ialah pri - secondary.. skrg nie, although rase malu masih ade, tapi me dah boleh anggap mereka sbg "just another human being and relative". i dont think you know what i mean. never mind. plus, i have more confidence to talk to them.. yeah..i think another factor would be my level of confidence...dulu2 tu masih low..
so, anyway, klw tk silap bila me ade crush dgn si fulan yg pertama tu overlap dgn yg si fulan kedua.. astaghfirullah~~ bila me pikir balik, camnelah perasaan nie boleh timbul dlm diri me yg masih budak2 nie! setan ni jahat betul! muda2 lagi dia dah kacau kite! and of course, perasaan tu pudar dgn sendirinye. tapi lame tau! bertahun2 baru dah ok. ade jugak penyebab kenape rase suka tu lame hilang. tapi me tk nk disclose kt sini sbb perkare tu adelah satu clue yg obvious skali =)
then...........................
haaa~~ the next one... me pasti some of my friends tahu.. you know who you are my friends... and you know who that person is... klw tk silap, i first saw this person when i was in primary 5. mase tu tk rase ape2...then, ntah eh bila, perasaan suka tu ade... ianya berlarutan sampai menengah 3 gitu...time menengah 4 pon mase ade sisa2 kot.
it was, i daresay, the strongest feeling i had for someone. yes, childish and immature as it sounds, that was what happened. the person doesnt know i exist. i do not know the person personally. all i know is, he's intelligent. n that's what turns me on, usually. it was a hopeless thing, indeed. n a particular friend of mine knows how i actually felt, coz i did confide in her. yes, you know who you are... and im asking you now, if you read this, to keep the matter to yourself ok? forever. coz i know i can trust you.
hmmm... intense feeling, it was. there was no happiness. just empty longings. timid hopes that...urgh~ i dunno what!..i finally got over this person... he is doing well now. and i pray that he is happy and successful, his faith remains strong.
now?
well... mainly infatuation, i admit. poly students.. even org yg tk pernah me jumpe, tp pernah chat, me ade 'crush' ..tk ke merepek tu! kesian bro tu, jadi mangsa! haha..
*4.33am now*
ironinye, org2 yang me ade crush nie adelah org2 yg me tk kenal. what i mean is, they're not my friends n im not their friend.
bila pikir2 balik.... org2 yg single mcm me nie pon tk lepas dari ujian. ye, mmg kite bersih dari maksiat "berpegangan tangan, bergayut kt talipon, etc etc dgn matair".. tapi pada hakikatnye, kite diuji sejauh mane kite mampu menundukkan pandangan, bercakap dgn rajul bila perlu, jage pergaulan, jage hati jgn smpi perasaan yg tk elok timbul, jaga penampilan dan perilaku agar tidak menarik perhatian lelaki.... masya Allah! mmg susah sgt!! sangat2 sukar!
sedangkan dgn sepupu lelaki sendiri, apakah kite jage pergaulan kite dgn dia/mereka????
~sebenarnye, yang biase tu lah yang luarbiase..~
me selalu ingat kate2 nie....sape yg cakap eh? is it mase one of the NI usrah??
sedangkan aku ni seorang hafizah... betape sukarnye untukku menegakkan pendirianku, membela akhlak dan didikan yg telah lama disemai dlm diri, mempraktikkan Islam. betape sukarnye untukku melaksanakan tanggungjawabku sebagai seorg muslimah yg hafizah!! sedangkan al-Quran ade di bahuku..!
Ya Allah~ lindungilah aku daripada menjadi fitnah kepada lelaki... dan jauhkanlah mereka daripadaku, agar hatiku terpelihara...Ya Allah~~
ok, itu je, kawan2...
me bukanlah seorg yg all-round baik... me pasti, ade junior2 yang bace nie akan terkejut bhw kakak kite yg satu nie ade crush kt org... yelah, kt alsagoff dulu selalu strict, berdisiplin.. hehe... simply said, im not an angel, ok?
ape yg penting, kite kena curb feeling2 nie sume... me sendiri tk approve org2 yang bercintan-cintun nie, biarpun mereka kwn2 me sendiri..or my juniors/seniors.. me pelik, do you actually chuck out all that religious knowledge that you've learned? and, without guilty, erase the awareness from you heart and mind? are you denying that God is All-Seeing and All-knowing?
me sedih bile pikirkan nie sume...lebih sedih lagi bila pikir yg me masih kekurangan courage untuk berdepan dgn org mcm gini... ~sikit demi sedikit wahai diri, Allah akan beri kekuatan..~
*4.57am now*
walau apepun, me tetap anggap kamu sebagai kwn... like i said, in the end, you are simply you =)
baiklah, sampai sini je me nak tulis. dah tk smpi hati nak pakse diri untuk stay awake.. aniaya diri jek!
ok... see you around!
p/s: ape yg me tulis nie mungkin tk clear, atau agak draggy..paham2 je lah ye, pagi2 bute me tulis...jadi tahap pemikiran dan rasionaliti tidak optimal.
*winks*
haha..ok, cut the crap!
hmmm..one of the challenges in poly for me, personally, is facing beautiful and good-looking creatures of the male homo sapien sapiens. beautiful? well, yes. i shall not take back that word, albeit using it to describe men..
again, cut the crap! nak gunekan bahase purely english susah ah....susah nak explain ape yg kite nak sampaikan! blergh!
ok, so... mmg hari2 ujian kt sekolah... tapi tk heran jugak ah... sbb dah biase.. lagipon, me bukan jenis yg nampak lelaki wasim je terus "eh! handsomenye lelaki nie" or "tgk kt situ..yang pakai baju merah tu... handsome sey.." YUCK! sakit telinge dengar... tapi... unfortunately, me ade kwn2 sekolah yg macam gitu..jadi terpakselah buat muke selamba bila diorg ckp mcm gitu... kadang2 tu... topic lelaki boleh memanjang plak.... bagi me, isinye cukup tk penting... baik dari memberi gelaran kpd si fulan, kepada cerite "semalam aku chat dgn dekni..." bla bla bla..
kawan2 yg dah kenal me lame mungkin tahu lelaki bagaiman yg me tertarik.. alamak..me tersenyum2 sendiri plak kt sini!... klw tkde yg tahu pon, tkpe.. biar hati me mnie, hanye Tuhan je yg tahu =)
that's why bila ade gathering MSes (Muslim Societies)...or ape2 je event yg melibatkan belia Melayu Islam...me hesitant nak join... walaupon ilmu/pengalaman menunggu disana...tapi me selalu pikir... ramai lelaki ke tidak eh... takut tergugat iman.. silap2, baik niat kite nak tuntun ilmu, niat kite dicemari dgn actions dan pikiran2 yang tk betul..
haiz~
ok... i remembered a cousion of mine (you know who you are!) asking me if i have had crushes before..i answered something like "of course! im a human.." n dia nak tahu sape.. haha! no way that im gonna tell you! but..thinking about it.. i dont think i mind sharing it with my readers... coz it's my past, when i was still quite naive and...i dunno..it's funny when i remember all these..the days of yore.. and i dont think most of you will know who i'll be talking about.. maybe some, or few, of you..
here goes:
my first crush, i think, was a friend of my brother. hah! i was...maybe 7,8,9 or 10 years old back then.. hehe.. dia wasim.. mmg tk dinafikan. as i got older, rase crush2 nie sume dgn sendirinye hilang. lagipon, me tk tahu ape khabar dia skrg.. pendek kate, semuanye normal.. if you ask me, kecil2 dah suke2 org..kwn abang sendiri plak tu, ape yg menariknye ttg dia? hahaha... maaf, me tk dpt nak jwb tu.. sbb me pon tk tahu! haha!
then, my next crush was a relative of me. yes.. as some of you might know.. i dont really talk to my male relatives... dari kecil lagi dah malu2 sakan... plus the fact that me jarang jumpe sedare-mare.. haha! mungkin period yang ketare ialah pri - secondary.. skrg nie, although rase malu masih ade, tapi me dah boleh anggap mereka sbg "just another human being and relative". i dont think you know what i mean. never mind. plus, i have more confidence to talk to them.. yeah..i think another factor would be my level of confidence...dulu2 tu masih low..
so, anyway, klw tk silap bila me ade crush dgn si fulan yg pertama tu overlap dgn yg si fulan kedua.. astaghfirullah~~ bila me pikir balik, camnelah perasaan nie boleh timbul dlm diri me yg masih budak2 nie! setan ni jahat betul! muda2 lagi dia dah kacau kite! and of course, perasaan tu pudar dgn sendirinye. tapi lame tau! bertahun2 baru dah ok. ade jugak penyebab kenape rase suka tu lame hilang. tapi me tk nk disclose kt sini sbb perkare tu adelah satu clue yg obvious skali =)
then...........................
haaa~~ the next one... me pasti some of my friends tahu.. you know who you are my friends... and you know who that person is... klw tk silap, i first saw this person when i was in primary 5. mase tu tk rase ape2...then, ntah eh bila, perasaan suka tu ade... ianya berlarutan sampai menengah 3 gitu...time menengah 4 pon mase ade sisa2 kot.
it was, i daresay, the strongest feeling i had for someone. yes, childish and immature as it sounds, that was what happened. the person doesnt know i exist. i do not know the person personally. all i know is, he's intelligent. n that's what turns me on, usually. it was a hopeless thing, indeed. n a particular friend of mine knows how i actually felt, coz i did confide in her. yes, you know who you are... and im asking you now, if you read this, to keep the matter to yourself ok? forever. coz i know i can trust you.
hmmm... intense feeling, it was. there was no happiness. just empty longings. timid hopes that...urgh~ i dunno what!..i finally got over this person... he is doing well now. and i pray that he is happy and successful, his faith remains strong.
now?
well... mainly infatuation, i admit. poly students.. even org yg tk pernah me jumpe, tp pernah chat, me ade 'crush' ..tk ke merepek tu! kesian bro tu, jadi mangsa! haha..
*4.33am now*
ironinye, org2 yang me ade crush nie adelah org2 yg me tk kenal. what i mean is, they're not my friends n im not their friend.
bila pikir2 balik.... org2 yg single mcm me nie pon tk lepas dari ujian. ye, mmg kite bersih dari maksiat "berpegangan tangan, bergayut kt talipon, etc etc dgn matair".. tapi pada hakikatnye, kite diuji sejauh mane kite mampu menundukkan pandangan, bercakap dgn rajul bila perlu, jage pergaulan, jage hati jgn smpi perasaan yg tk elok timbul, jaga penampilan dan perilaku agar tidak menarik perhatian lelaki.... masya Allah! mmg susah sgt!! sangat2 sukar!
sedangkan dgn sepupu lelaki sendiri, apakah kite jage pergaulan kite dgn dia/mereka????
~sebenarnye, yang biase tu lah yang luarbiase..~
me selalu ingat kate2 nie....sape yg cakap eh? is it mase one of the NI usrah??
sedangkan aku ni seorang hafizah... betape sukarnye untukku menegakkan pendirianku, membela akhlak dan didikan yg telah lama disemai dlm diri, mempraktikkan Islam. betape sukarnye untukku melaksanakan tanggungjawabku sebagai seorg muslimah yg hafizah!! sedangkan al-Quran ade di bahuku..!
Ya Allah~ lindungilah aku daripada menjadi fitnah kepada lelaki... dan jauhkanlah mereka daripadaku, agar hatiku terpelihara...Ya Allah~~
ok, itu je, kawan2...
me bukanlah seorg yg all-round baik... me pasti, ade junior2 yang bace nie akan terkejut bhw kakak kite yg satu nie ade crush kt org... yelah, kt alsagoff dulu selalu strict, berdisiplin.. hehe... simply said, im not an angel, ok?
ape yg penting, kite kena curb feeling2 nie sume... me sendiri tk approve org2 yang bercintan-cintun nie, biarpun mereka kwn2 me sendiri..or my juniors/seniors.. me pelik, do you actually chuck out all that religious knowledge that you've learned? and, without guilty, erase the awareness from you heart and mind? are you denying that God is All-Seeing and All-knowing?
me sedih bile pikirkan nie sume...lebih sedih lagi bila pikir yg me masih kekurangan courage untuk berdepan dgn org mcm gini... ~sikit demi sedikit wahai diri, Allah akan beri kekuatan..~
*4.57am now*
walau apepun, me tetap anggap kamu sebagai kwn... like i said, in the end, you are simply you =)
baiklah, sampai sini je me nak tulis. dah tk smpi hati nak pakse diri untuk stay awake.. aniaya diri jek!
ok... see you around!
p/s: ape yg me tulis nie mungkin tk clear, atau agak draggy..paham2 je lah ye, pagi2 bute me tulis...jadi tahap pemikiran dan rasionaliti tidak optimal.
insomniac?
urgghh~
im damn tired now. it's 3am in the morning and i still havent closed my eyes. i spent the night editing Communication Skills presentation PPT slides... putting in the animation n stuff. but what took me sooo long was choosing the right headings, with designs from flamingtext.com. in the process, i discovered quite a number of attractive and pleasant-to-my-eyes designs blended into 1 by myself...though the gallery for headings has limited designs, the fonts are interesting to look at... =)
hah~~ i just thought...why dont i stay up the whole night? that would be nice, wouldnt it? -.-" and later, i will get a nice dark rings around my eyes. *3.24am now*
oo... i've added few of my favourite songs here. except for 'winter' and 'victory'... i enjoy listening to those songs, but the ones i put here are different from what i prefer. n im just too lazy to change songs. it's ironic, but im thankful.. that there is finally a way to play several songs at one go.. i still remember that few years ago, i was frustrated coz the music player can only cater for 1 music.. that was YEARS ago.. n now, voila! everything's made simple. thanks to.... umm... whoever those people are...im grateful! =)
actually, i dont have any class today...so my 'firstdayofschool' is tomorrow..but i have a group discussion later at 11am... then, tkd training at 6.30pm...in between, im gonna do some errands... *heaven!* hehe...this is the good thing about poly life... whenever there's break time, you can just get out to anywhere you want..provided that the break is long ah....2 hours..3 hours..4 hours.. yeah, definitely a good thing.
*3.31am now*
2007's here and it seems...
it seems as though it was just now, or yesterday, or the day before yesterday, that i was 'free'....in the sense that i was without any school, or job, happy and yet confused and worried... i was in that position, indeed. how far have i come now? hmmm... i've moved on... and now it's my juniors turn to be in my shoes, n the shoes of all my predecessors.. i guess all of us must go through that particular stage.
looking back,
ouh~
i just dont know what to say...
as much as i want to return to that place, to embrace those moments, to relive the past... as much i want to keep them all..
i could only touch the wind.. the memories carress in between my fingers.. n fade away...
as much as i want to hold dear to those memories, to play them again and again in my mind...
i could only look from afar... wishing againt all odds that i was there again..
when i remember little stuff about my past.... or think of my friends... there is always a knot in my heart... tightness in my chest.. is it longing? yes, i do think of you, my friend. oh, how i remember your smile and laugh! it doesnt matter if our principles are different, or that you do things that are of my disliking..in the end, you are simply you =)
*3.46am now*
ok, my head feels a bit tight right now. tight? err...i dunno how else to describe the sensation.. pardon my lack of vocabulary..
i shall stop now. though i would love to write another post =p
im damn tired now. it's 3am in the morning and i still havent closed my eyes. i spent the night editing Communication Skills presentation PPT slides... putting in the animation n stuff. but what took me sooo long was choosing the right headings, with designs from flamingtext.com. in the process, i discovered quite a number of attractive and pleasant-to-my-eyes designs blended into 1 by myself...though the gallery for headings has limited designs, the fonts are interesting to look at... =)
hah~~ i just thought...why dont i stay up the whole night? that would be nice, wouldnt it? -.-" and later, i will get a nice dark rings around my eyes. *3.24am now*
oo... i've added few of my favourite songs here. except for 'winter' and 'victory'... i enjoy listening to those songs, but the ones i put here are different from what i prefer. n im just too lazy to change songs. it's ironic, but im thankful.. that there is finally a way to play several songs at one go.. i still remember that few years ago, i was frustrated coz the music player can only cater for 1 music.. that was YEARS ago.. n now, voila! everything's made simple. thanks to.... umm... whoever those people are...im grateful! =)
actually, i dont have any class today...so my 'firstdayofschool' is tomorrow..but i have a group discussion later at 11am... then, tkd training at 6.30pm...in between, im gonna do some errands... *heaven!* hehe...this is the good thing about poly life... whenever there's break time, you can just get out to anywhere you want..provided that the break is long ah....2 hours..3 hours..4 hours.. yeah, definitely a good thing.
*3.31am now*
2007's here and it seems...
it seems as though it was just now, or yesterday, or the day before yesterday, that i was 'free'....in the sense that i was without any school, or job, happy and yet confused and worried... i was in that position, indeed. how far have i come now? hmmm... i've moved on... and now it's my juniors turn to be in my shoes, n the shoes of all my predecessors.. i guess all of us must go through that particular stage.
looking back,
ouh~
i just dont know what to say...
as much as i want to return to that place, to embrace those moments, to relive the past... as much i want to keep them all..
i could only touch the wind.. the memories carress in between my fingers.. n fade away...
as much as i want to hold dear to those memories, to play them again and again in my mind...
i could only look from afar... wishing againt all odds that i was there again..
when i remember little stuff about my past.... or think of my friends... there is always a knot in my heart... tightness in my chest.. is it longing? yes, i do think of you, my friend. oh, how i remember your smile and laugh! it doesnt matter if our principles are different, or that you do things that are of my disliking..in the end, you are simply you =)
*3.46am now*
ok, my head feels a bit tight right now. tight? err...i dunno how else to describe the sensation.. pardon my lack of vocabulary..
i shall stop now. though i would love to write another post =p
late-night-short-updates
1. thanks to you-know-who-you-are..your words are prayers...i will be strong, insha Allah~
2. maybe i was a bit over the top in the previous post.
3. i think i cried because i thought i was lousy in sparring, and even kicking. i still am. lousy.
4. i got more bruises today. i think i can handle more of that in the future. right now, im just a little afraid to get hit. n hurt. physically, i mean. *wei! bruises take long time to heal ok? that's why i dont like to get hit! all the pain...aiyo! uncomfortable!..ehem..although sometimes i feel good..weird me huh?* i hope this fear of mine will cease as time goes by (and as i get more skilled and confident)..
5. i-guide camp tomorrow...til this friday. what's 'i-guide'? ans: tour guides during TP open house (19,20.21 january 2007). and i havent packed a thing.
6. NI's Gila2 Sukan last saturday (231206) was....fine. it went smoothly, in my opinion. how about myself? did i enjoy it? well, i didnt join in the fun and games. so yeah, i dont think that question applies to me. anyway, click here for pictures from the event.
7. i still havent started on my leadership and character's individual assignment. we have to do a 800-1500 word essay - or research, whatever you call it - on a movie that we chose from a given list. i chose armageddon. one of the tearjerkers i've seen. no, it's not about movie review. we'll get zero if we do that. our assignment is to observe the leader(s) in the movie, extract 5 learning points from him/her/them, substantiate with reasons and proofs, and personalise the point with our own point of view and experiences. anyway, the assignment is 50 marks and is due less than two weeks.
8. something to share: sometimes we want, hope, or wish for something too much, it hurts.
9. cd-rw drive is up! so i dont need thumbdrive anymore. for now, that is.
10. ok, im already tired. so that's all for tonight's post. thank you for reading this =)
2. maybe i was a bit over the top in the previous post.
3. i think i cried because i thought i was lousy in sparring, and even kicking. i still am. lousy.
4. i got more bruises today. i think i can handle more of that in the future. right now, im just a little afraid to get hit. n hurt. physically, i mean. *wei! bruises take long time to heal ok? that's why i dont like to get hit! all the pain...aiyo! uncomfortable!..ehem..although sometimes i feel good..weird me huh?* i hope this fear of mine will cease as time goes by (and as i get more skilled and confident)..
5. i-guide camp tomorrow...til this friday. what's 'i-guide'? ans: tour guides during TP open house (19,20.21 january 2007). and i havent packed a thing.
6. NI's Gila2 Sukan last saturday (231206) was....fine. it went smoothly, in my opinion. how about myself? did i enjoy it? well, i didnt join in the fun and games. so yeah, i dont think that question applies to me. anyway, click here for pictures from the event.
7. i still havent started on my leadership and character's individual assignment. we have to do a 800-1500 word essay - or research, whatever you call it - on a movie that we chose from a given list. i chose armageddon. one of the tearjerkers i've seen. no, it's not about movie review. we'll get zero if we do that. our assignment is to observe the leader(s) in the movie, extract 5 learning points from him/her/them, substantiate with reasons and proofs, and personalise the point with our own point of view and experiences. anyway, the assignment is 50 marks and is due less than two weeks.
8. something to share: sometimes we want, hope, or wish for something too much, it hurts.
9. cd-rw drive is up! so i dont need thumbdrive anymore. for now, that is.
10. ok, im already tired. so that's all for tonight's post. thank you for reading this =)
TKD training on thursday, 21 dec 2006
i was kicked.
hit.
smacked.
whacked.
on the right side of my head.
hard.
yep, that's right. you saw those words. i was kicked on my head during sparring with a senior. it was only my second spar.
the feeling?
i just couldnt explain it in words. i just couldnt.
all i know is, i was kind of stunned maybe. my head was like....whoa~! really felt like "a blow on your head"..that kind of thing. you would've imagined that i fell on the floor and fainted. but i didnt.
concussion? i dont even know what it means... but maybe, just a teeny-weeny bit of concussion, dizziness.
the blow affected me emotionally, though. it didnt crack open my skull, but it sure crack whatever emotions that were inside me. like a nutcracker.
the second my head was hit, i felt my tears starting to appear. but i held them fast. acted like everything's ok. i kept my cool alright. i remembered saying something like, "whoa~~ what an experience!" and i started asking questions like, "oh! if we kick on the head, we get more points?" "kicking the head is a very good tactic?" "what must you do to protect your head?" etc etc etc...just to keep my emotions at bay.
n so, i couldnt continue sparring. oh well~
the blow also shut my mood. suddenly, i was speechless (yes! a good word!)... i just sat here, or there, just looking who-knows-where, trying to look as if i was thinking and at the same time, i was calm, as if unaffected.
but cry i did. in the girls' changing room. in one of the changing cubicles. i sat on the floor, with my bottle of cold water, n cried. hypoventilated. talked to myself.
i didnt know EXACTLY why i cried. i honestly didnt. it was as if i was crying over lots of things, or nothing at all. ouh! as im typing this, i feel some sort of a knot around my head - or shall i say, brain? kind of tight. ya Allah~ i hope there's nothing wrong with my head.
in the bus, i cried again. not loudly. the tears just flowed down my cheeks. of course, i covered my face. if not, my friends who sat beside me in the bus would've noticed!
why, why, why did i cry?????
maybe i was angry too. i dont know. i was simply blurred by my own emotions. i didnt even know what they are..
anyway, just cut the crap! i got few pictures from the training =)
enjoy!
hit.
smacked.
whacked.
on the right side of my head.
hard.
yep, that's right. you saw those words. i was kicked on my head during sparring with a senior. it was only my second spar.
the feeling?
i just couldnt explain it in words. i just couldnt.
all i know is, i was kind of stunned maybe. my head was like....whoa~! really felt like "a blow on your head"..that kind of thing. you would've imagined that i fell on the floor and fainted. but i didnt.
concussion? i dont even know what it means... but maybe, just a teeny-weeny bit of concussion, dizziness.
the blow affected me emotionally, though. it didnt crack open my skull, but it sure crack whatever emotions that were inside me. like a nutcracker.
the second my head was hit, i felt my tears starting to appear. but i held them fast. acted like everything's ok. i kept my cool alright. i remembered saying something like, "whoa~~ what an experience!" and i started asking questions like, "oh! if we kick on the head, we get more points?" "kicking the head is a very good tactic?" "what must you do to protect your head?" etc etc etc...just to keep my emotions at bay.
n so, i couldnt continue sparring. oh well~
the blow also shut my mood. suddenly, i was speechless (yes! a good word!)... i just sat here, or there, just looking who-knows-where, trying to look as if i was thinking and at the same time, i was calm, as if unaffected.
but cry i did. in the girls' changing room. in one of the changing cubicles. i sat on the floor, with my bottle of cold water, n cried. hypoventilated. talked to myself.
i didnt know EXACTLY why i cried. i honestly didnt. it was as if i was crying over lots of things, or nothing at all. ouh! as im typing this, i feel some sort of a knot around my head - or shall i say, brain? kind of tight. ya Allah~ i hope there's nothing wrong with my head.
in the bus, i cried again. not loudly. the tears just flowed down my cheeks. of course, i covered my face. if not, my friends who sat beside me in the bus would've noticed!
why, why, why did i cry?????
maybe i was angry too. i dont know. i was simply blurred by my own emotions. i didnt even know what they are..
anyway, just cut the crap! i got few pictures from the training =)
enjoy!
it's about....
- manners and formalities
when i spoke to the speakers, when i addressed other people, when i talked to the officers, when i greeted strangers, i found myself sounding quite formal. mcm professional gitu. eh! im not bragging ok? im stating a point. that the workshop was a good place for me to practise my communication skills with new people - those who are older, or of higher rank, or of same age. ah, yes. today's encounter with people polished my so-called being polite and formal. n manners... penting tau. bile kite masuk working world, bile jumpe org2 baru, penting untuk kite menampilkan imej yg tertib. i mean, to show that kite pon civilised, n we know how to act professionally. saying thank you. speaking good english. listening attentively. smiling to show agreement, approval, respect. responding politely. yeah~ it's good to learn.
- being independent
im happy with myself, for being able to adapt n carry myself throughout the workshop... sebenarnye, me terpikir jugak nak ajak kawan pegi workshop tu. tapi tk kuase nk pikir2 sape. bila tgk peserta2 kt situ, rate2 semue bawak kawan. tapi alhamdulillah~ me tk perlukan kawan to cheer myself up, or to make the workshop less boring. bukan me berlagak sombong, tidak! no! again, im making a point, this time to myself, that i must practise being independent. berdikari. pergi ke tempat2. buat kawan baru. menyesuaikan diri. being independent doesnt mean that im a loner. duh!
- talking confidently
heran jugak bile pikir yang me mampu bercakap dlm bahase enggeris semase group presentation... alhamdulillah~ nasib baik bukan singlish! selalunye, bila berbual dgn kwn2 sekolah...grammar ke mane, vocab ke mane! cakap terbelit2, teragak2! tapi, dlm situasi2 formal seperti membuat presentation, mungkin otak kite kate "ok! kau kena cakap betul2. tk boleh main2. kena tunjukkn yg kau tahu bila nak cakap pasar, bile nak cakap formal"...hah! mungkin tu lah drive yg buat kite present betul2, not just to present ourselves, but to convey the message well. that's my opinion, anyway.
me perhatikan jugak, ade few peserta yg mampu project their voices, and contents, clearly. tampak confident. masya Allah~ bukan semua orang mampu untuk melakukan sebegitu baik. tetapi, yang pastinye, kite semua perlukan practice n more practice. nasib baik jugak me pergi workshop tu. dapat jugak practise my public speaking skill. pokoknye, kite kena cari ways to improve that particular skill. tk boleh nak duduk diam je.
- having choices
yeah, what dr Isa said...that we are spoiled for choice! ah~~ how true that statement seems, how true it really is! but pessimistic that i am, im still not convinced. choices? what choices do i have? what paths and roads to further education are there, lying in front of me?
we do have choices. choices is every aspect/categories/matters in our life. now, that's a fact, eh?
- plans
i realised that plans are important. though sometimes planning takes away more energy than executing. klw tkde perancangan, hidup nie terase messy. tk teratur. dah gitu, silap2 kite naik stress, buntu, bosan dgn hidup kite.
- making a fool of oneself
Ya Allah~~ kenape lah rase malu nie sikit sgt???? but still...ish~ buat malu je kena act jadi cucu nenek mase adegan 'nenek2 tk dpt lari' dlm cerite musang berjanggut. for the sake of being sporting?? tepuk dada tanye selera lah liyana! tapi, diri nie tkdelah rase malu smpi pipi kemerah2an... cuma pusing2 keliling si nenek je... nasib baik jugak rajul2 kt situ semua strangers!
- receiving a namecard
gembire jugak bila dapat namecard dari dr Isa. associate professor lagik. hehe.. bukan ape, nie 2nd time me dpt namecard... yang first punye... haiz~ mmg tk nk pon, tapi kak khadijah kasi jugak, "for future need".. pfft. namecard yg first tu, me stashed ntah mane2 je dlm bag.
- defining one's strength
yeah, so, i've discovered and rediscovered certain things about myself today. i guess, i dont really regret going to the lifeskills workshop after all. today, i noticed more, observed more, learnt more.
what i really want
do you know what i want?
have i ever told you what i want, dream to have, if not completely, then, in bits and pieces?
do you remember?
but,
do i know what i want?
hmmm... honestly, i dont really actually know what i really want. or maybe, i know what it is but am just afraid to admit it, put it on the surface... coz i am just afraid that i might not get it, n i know, or at least, assume, that i wont get it. that it is too far-fetched. yeah~ maybe that's the reason.
what i want, in terms of materialisticity (hah! is there such a word?? hehe..i dont think so. i just made it up. make it sound more bombastic! haha).... well, my birthday's over. but it wont hurt to list few things that are in mind so far, would it?
let me see...
1. thumbdrive. yep. i realised that i need a thumbdrive just a month ago or so. why?? coz my computer has no floppy disk hardware (correct term??)..you know, the part of cpu where we insert the floppoy disk. i was flabbergasted when i found out! all this while, i never even noticed that the floppy disk thingy was missing! to burn my files in cd is also impossible, coz i dont have the cd-rw (or is it cd-wr??) thingy....
2. laptop. i know damn well that it's out of my financial reach. but i would like to have a laptop one day. it really comes in handy when your home pc is being used frequently by other members of your family, or when you dont have the mood to use the computer but actually you have to, just because it's already late at night n you're tired. so, if i have a laptop, i can actually write my assignments and stuff during school hours...rather than at home, around 11pm...12am..1am..
n now, about what i dream to get..to achieve...
hmmm...im a bit embarrassed to write it here... coz it looks a little bit too ambitious...but never mind, coz i've decided to share with you...n to remind myself - if i ever read this entry again in future - what i had wanted during my teen years.
i would like to study in oxford. yes, oxford university. i dont know why. i dont have a concrete reason. well, that's not true. my reason is superficial, really: it is a prestigious university and it sounds old and grand.
or if not oxford, then somewhere in england. or ireland. or scotland. the states? no thanks, harvard and yale have the least appeal to me. plus, they're totally out of my league. princeton? MIT? wow! they are some to-die-for universities huh? but again, im not a genius. and looking at my average intelligence and discouraging attitude, i dont deserve to be enrolled there.
remembering a near past (i mean, something that is not so long ago), i had wanted to do an International Baccaleaurate (i dont know how to spell the second word). and at King Khalid Islamic College of Victoria. oh how i yearned to go there! n i cried thinking, trying to swallow the fact that i cant afford it, n im simply not good enough to be accepted there. yes, the second fact is true. you cant deny it, not you, my friends, not you, my teachers.
im the kind of person who finds it hard to let go of certain things. in this case, dreams or wishes that i had held so long, so dear. n even though getting into oxford seems miles n miles away, i just keep it in my heart. but, i keep it somewhere distant in my heart. coz, i dont want to put too much hope. coz it may hurt me later. furthermore, i may change my mind one day. so, there could be lesser chance that i might get disappointed with myself.
speaking of prestigious universities, let me tell you something about myself: im one of those people who get attracted to things intellectual, or scholarly, if you know what i mean. be it intellectual people, schools/institutions where a lot of intellectuals are found. call me shallow, whatever. i dont care.
i guess, all these popular, prestigious, excellent institutions, which have carved their marks in history, make people want to go there, to be part of them. people like me.
so, schools like RI, RGS, RJC, VJC...i must say, i am sometimes green with envy of those bright students there. not in a negative way..but positive. universities like oxford, cambridge, harvard, MIT,yale, princeton....well, ashamed that i am, these are the only excellent institutions that i know of. i may be blind with these all-too-well-known places. maybe i dont read enough. i must find out more universities that are of great standards n qualities.
oh, n is there an adjective for people like me, as i've described above? mind you, my vocabulary is horrifying, if not embarrassing. for a 17-year-old.
there! i've told you this little wish of mine. =)
but wait, if you ask me, if i cant go to europe, where else do i want to pursue my studies? for now, i choose australia. but i dont know which are the top universities there. n which universities offer the best degree (modules, system, facilities, achievements, etc) in the field that i plan to concentrate in.
to add on what i've already mentioned (that my reason is superficial), i think that as i grow older, more matured, more knowledgeable, more information at hand, i will start to think more than 'old and grand'. perhaps reasons that are more well-rounded, logic, according-to-needs, deep, if you know what i mean.
thinking again, wishing all these may as well be useless if i dont work towards them. i must think about my own capabilities, limitations that i have. shortly, i must think and decide rationally. i wasnt being quite rational when i wanted to go to KKICV. nevertheless, i must work my butt off, all body and spirit, to reach as high as i allow myself to be.
in the end, i must have The PhD. Passion. Hunger. and Drive. for excellence.
have i ever told you what i want, dream to have, if not completely, then, in bits and pieces?
do you remember?
but,
do i know what i want?
hmmm... honestly, i dont really actually know what i really want. or maybe, i know what it is but am just afraid to admit it, put it on the surface... coz i am just afraid that i might not get it, n i know, or at least, assume, that i wont get it. that it is too far-fetched. yeah~ maybe that's the reason.
what i want, in terms of materialisticity (hah! is there such a word?? hehe..i dont think so. i just made it up. make it sound more bombastic! haha).... well, my birthday's over. but it wont hurt to list few things that are in mind so far, would it?
let me see...
1. thumbdrive. yep. i realised that i need a thumbdrive just a month ago or so. why?? coz my computer has no floppy disk hardware (correct term??)..you know, the part of cpu where we insert the floppoy disk. i was flabbergasted when i found out! all this while, i never even noticed that the floppy disk thingy was missing! to burn my files in cd is also impossible, coz i dont have the cd-rw (or is it cd-wr??) thingy....
2. laptop. i know damn well that it's out of my financial reach. but i would like to have a laptop one day. it really comes in handy when your home pc is being used frequently by other members of your family, or when you dont have the mood to use the computer but actually you have to, just because it's already late at night n you're tired. so, if i have a laptop, i can actually write my assignments and stuff during school hours...rather than at home, around 11pm...12am..1am..
n now, about what i dream to get..to achieve...
hmmm...im a bit embarrassed to write it here... coz it looks a little bit too ambitious...but never mind, coz i've decided to share with you...n to remind myself - if i ever read this entry again in future - what i had wanted during my teen years.
i would like to study in oxford. yes, oxford university. i dont know why. i dont have a concrete reason. well, that's not true. my reason is superficial, really: it is a prestigious university and it sounds old and grand.
or if not oxford, then somewhere in england. or ireland. or scotland. the states? no thanks, harvard and yale have the least appeal to me. plus, they're totally out of my league. princeton? MIT? wow! they are some to-die-for universities huh? but again, im not a genius. and looking at my average intelligence and discouraging attitude, i dont deserve to be enrolled there.
remembering a near past (i mean, something that is not so long ago), i had wanted to do an International Baccaleaurate (i dont know how to spell the second word). and at King Khalid Islamic College of Victoria. oh how i yearned to go there! n i cried thinking, trying to swallow the fact that i cant afford it, n im simply not good enough to be accepted there. yes, the second fact is true. you cant deny it, not you, my friends, not you, my teachers.
im the kind of person who finds it hard to let go of certain things. in this case, dreams or wishes that i had held so long, so dear. n even though getting into oxford seems miles n miles away, i just keep it in my heart. but, i keep it somewhere distant in my heart. coz, i dont want to put too much hope. coz it may hurt me later. furthermore, i may change my mind one day. so, there could be lesser chance that i might get disappointed with myself.
speaking of prestigious universities, let me tell you something about myself: im one of those people who get attracted to things intellectual, or scholarly, if you know what i mean. be it intellectual people, schools/institutions where a lot of intellectuals are found. call me shallow, whatever. i dont care.
i guess, all these popular, prestigious, excellent institutions, which have carved their marks in history, make people want to go there, to be part of them. people like me.
so, schools like RI, RGS, RJC, VJC...i must say, i am sometimes green with envy of those bright students there. not in a negative way..but positive. universities like oxford, cambridge, harvard, MIT,yale, princeton....well, ashamed that i am, these are the only excellent institutions that i know of. i may be blind with these all-too-well-known places. maybe i dont read enough. i must find out more universities that are of great standards n qualities.
oh, n is there an adjective for people like me, as i've described above? mind you, my vocabulary is horrifying, if not embarrassing. for a 17-year-old.
there! i've told you this little wish of mine. =)
but wait, if you ask me, if i cant go to europe, where else do i want to pursue my studies? for now, i choose australia. but i dont know which are the top universities there. n which universities offer the best degree (modules, system, facilities, achievements, etc) in the field that i plan to concentrate in.
to add on what i've already mentioned (that my reason is superficial), i think that as i grow older, more matured, more knowledgeable, more information at hand, i will start to think more than 'old and grand'. perhaps reasons that are more well-rounded, logic, according-to-needs, deep, if you know what i mean.
thinking again, wishing all these may as well be useless if i dont work towards them. i must think about my own capabilities, limitations that i have. shortly, i must think and decide rationally. i wasnt being quite rational when i wanted to go to KKICV. nevertheless, i must work my butt off, all body and spirit, to reach as high as i allow myself to be.
in the end, i must have The PhD. Passion. Hunger. and Drive. for excellence.
what matters most in life
it's 12.52 in the morning, according to the small clock on my computer screen.
i guess you might be wondering, what the heck this girl is doing late at night?! well, i must say that this time is actually a good time for me to blog, albeit my eyes are getting uncomfortable staring at the screen. coz, one thing, there's no one to interrupt me. yey.
ok... so, i read kak khadijah's blog just now.... something about being grown up and thinking seriously, pondering about life.
i guess we arent kids anymore huh? living a carefree life? even back then, were we really that happy, having not to worry about stuff?
anyway, i think too. though i dont really do much thinking these days. being caught up in issues this, issues that, i forgot - or shall i say, dont have time - to actually sit and think. i miss that, sometimes. during my secondary school days, if you read my entries from the past years, i think i might have mentioned somewhere that i "think too much it hurts and tires me" or something like that.
n nowadays, whenever my brain's ticking, tocking, i would always forget what it's all about. n i dont get to write my thoughts here, properly.
never mind.
so, about this post's title:
hmmm... i've been questioning myself: what's important in my life? what matters? what is my priority?
n all these all-too-familiar-and-similar questions bring me back to the threshold: what's my purpose of life in the first place?
now that im in a different world in the same world, i couldnt help it but ask myself. n yet again, this important question is always brushed aside. coz i dont seem to care about it. oh! how have i changed!
i still remember, i once wrote in my little orang notebook - now lost - things that matters to me, in order of priority. but now, im not even sure if im holding on to that.
tahfiz.
how shall i put it? im just too embarrassed to admit it. it was once one of the top priorities in my teenage life. it still is. but only a priority. no number this time.
studies.
a friend of mine asked me just now, "have you studied?" and i said, "nope." emotionless. often, i wonder where my spirits have gone.. the happy, excited, always-on-the-go, puntual spirits.. the liveliness. sometimes, i wonder if it has been sapped out of me. because of what? i dare not say.
ahlulquranpts.
ouh~ i feel no spark now. just a little, maybe. where has the good time gone? maybe im such a loser.... a pathetic leader. saying it's a priority, holding on to it. but what good have i done to the group? i had wanted so much to be part of it, but now, i guess, i need to renew my intentions, my enthusiasm.
ccas.
i would like to be a well-rounded student, yes. oh! how i would love to! being able to juggle this, keeping that, doing those. the challenge is good. the experiences are just as well..... though.... i have a feeling it's starting to have a toll on me. n because of it, im jeopardizing my principles, my religion. one that i have held on for sooo long. one that, all these years, has not been tarnished nor tested.
Allah and his Rasul.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
what can i say, oh Allah?
You know my heart best!
im just afraid that my words would betray me.
im just so.........
shameful.
for not stopping to think.
to thank.
to cherish.
n im just sooo ashamed of what i've become.
so much for declaring that i love Allah and prophet Muhammad!
but what have i done to prove it!
n im not even trying!
n so much for priorities which i cannot hold.
n promises i cannot keep.
i guess, this is how it goes huh? me, getting all emotional, late at night, early in the morning... my tears arent even flowing. you hypocrite!
ok.
let me just get straight to the point.
in life, you must know what you are supposed to do. what you must do. what you need to do. along the middle, it's what you want to do. n somewhere in the back, what you're forbidden to dwell on to.
please, dont read the above paragraph again. coz you will never understand what i just wrote. coz i dont either.
i guess, what matters most in life is living life knowing, always, that you're going to die and meet Him. n then, the question will be, how do you want your end to be? that is, what have you prepared for the next life.
nothing else matters, except...
it's all up to you to decide. me, to decide. what matters to each and every one of us? i bet it's something worldly, something superficial. fake.
n no, i dont really think too much while writing this post. im already sleepy. not much feelings.
so, take no heed to my advice. pay no attention to my latenightearlymorning free talk.
it's all crap.
*im such a pessimist.puncturing my own self-esteem*
i guess you might be wondering, what the heck this girl is doing late at night?! well, i must say that this time is actually a good time for me to blog, albeit my eyes are getting uncomfortable staring at the screen. coz, one thing, there's no one to interrupt me. yey.
ok... so, i read kak khadijah's blog just now.... something about being grown up and thinking seriously, pondering about life.
i guess we arent kids anymore huh? living a carefree life? even back then, were we really that happy, having not to worry about stuff?
anyway, i think too. though i dont really do much thinking these days. being caught up in issues this, issues that, i forgot - or shall i say, dont have time - to actually sit and think. i miss that, sometimes. during my secondary school days, if you read my entries from the past years, i think i might have mentioned somewhere that i "think too much it hurts and tires me" or something like that.
n nowadays, whenever my brain's ticking, tocking, i would always forget what it's all about. n i dont get to write my thoughts here, properly.
never mind.
so, about this post's title:
hmmm... i've been questioning myself: what's important in my life? what matters? what is my priority?
n all these all-too-familiar-and-similar questions bring me back to the threshold: what's my purpose of life in the first place?
now that im in a different world in the same world, i couldnt help it but ask myself. n yet again, this important question is always brushed aside. coz i dont seem to care about it. oh! how have i changed!
i still remember, i once wrote in my little orang notebook - now lost - things that matters to me, in order of priority. but now, im not even sure if im holding on to that.
tahfiz.
how shall i put it? im just too embarrassed to admit it. it was once one of the top priorities in my teenage life. it still is. but only a priority. no number this time.
studies.
a friend of mine asked me just now, "have you studied?" and i said, "nope." emotionless. often, i wonder where my spirits have gone.. the happy, excited, always-on-the-go, puntual spirits.. the liveliness. sometimes, i wonder if it has been sapped out of me. because of what? i dare not say.
ahlulquranpts.
ouh~ i feel no spark now. just a little, maybe. where has the good time gone? maybe im such a loser.... a pathetic leader. saying it's a priority, holding on to it. but what good have i done to the group? i had wanted so much to be part of it, but now, i guess, i need to renew my intentions, my enthusiasm.
ccas.
i would like to be a well-rounded student, yes. oh! how i would love to! being able to juggle this, keeping that, doing those. the challenge is good. the experiences are just as well..... though.... i have a feeling it's starting to have a toll on me. n because of it, im jeopardizing my principles, my religion. one that i have held on for sooo long. one that, all these years, has not been tarnished nor tested.
Allah and his Rasul.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
what can i say, oh Allah?
You know my heart best!
im just afraid that my words would betray me.
im just so.........
shameful.
for not stopping to think.
to thank.
to cherish.
n im just sooo ashamed of what i've become.
so much for declaring that i love Allah and prophet Muhammad!
but what have i done to prove it!
n im not even trying!
n so much for priorities which i cannot hold.
n promises i cannot keep.
i guess, this is how it goes huh? me, getting all emotional, late at night, early in the morning... my tears arent even flowing. you hypocrite!
ok.
let me just get straight to the point.
in life, you must know what you are supposed to do. what you must do. what you need to do. along the middle, it's what you want to do. n somewhere in the back, what you're forbidden to dwell on to.
please, dont read the above paragraph again. coz you will never understand what i just wrote. coz i dont either.
i guess, what matters most in life is living life knowing, always, that you're going to die and meet Him. n then, the question will be, how do you want your end to be? that is, what have you prepared for the next life.
nothing else matters, except...
it's all up to you to decide. me, to decide. what matters to each and every one of us? i bet it's something worldly, something superficial. fake.
n no, i dont really think too much while writing this post. im already sleepy. not much feelings.
so, take no heed to my advice. pay no attention to my latenightearlymorning free talk.
it's all crap.
*im such a pessimist.puncturing my own self-esteem*
it's nearly the end of 3rd term.
acknowledgements:
1. ana ucapkan terima kasih kpd kak juwita dan juga ustazah sakinah di atas ucapan hari jadi yg diberikan =) begitu juga kpd kawan2 yang lain... terharu jugak bila ade org ingat.... sampai kwn2 kt DQ pon ingat.... syukran ye? ^_^
oh! for readers who dont know what im talking about, it's about birthday wishes. for me. n fyi, my birthday is not in december *just in case you got the wrong info*
2. to cuz: hey!!!! oops! i mean, assalamu `alaikum! fuyo~~ it's been a long time since i last saw you... hehe.. i've been wanting to know how you are, how your school is - environment, study, friends - aaahh~ hope you're doing well! but i dont know how to reach you. err... actually, i thought you have no internet connection there...or at least, you dont have you own personal laptop or something. *a bit too narrow-minded, me* so, i was quite suprised that you tagged.
-------------------------------------------
term test week's coming up!!
this coming monday, to be exact. aiyo~~ so much for wanting to get straight A's for this semester. i just hope i will NOT get any C..... klw dulu2 tu boleh lah...sebab C was for Cemerlang. heh. sekarang ni.....*fillintheblank*
on a happier note, the first HPI practical report, which my partner and i submitted veeerrry the late, well, we got 47/50! alhamdulillah~~! rase gembire, rase bersyukur, rase 'biar-betik!'... waduh~ hanye Tuhan je yang tahu! me asyik tgk2 je practical report...sapelah yg tk happy, rase bangge jugak (tp untuk diri sendiri ah~ bukan bangge smpi show off gitu!), all the rush, typing, squeezing of the brains, finding the right words....but all tainted with late submission..... akhirnye, kite dpt jugak markah yg memberangsangkan! my second HPI prac report pon ok jugak, 32/40...dgn 2 partners lain =)
hmmm...about my previous entries...well, i hope you wont misinterpret them.... im not living a sad, depressed life ok? my school life is practically normal. n i never felt better! struggling in school is a normal thing. n im doing ok.
plus, im recommending you this book: "Luna - a novel" by julie anne peters. the book's soooo damn touching, meaningful that my eyes were brimming with tears - tears of sympathy, sadness, painful joy.... what's the book about? go find out yourself! when i read the synopsis, i thought,"hey, why dont i give it a try? it's an interesting n controversial topic. i hope this book will shed some light on it...give new perspective...from the eyes of the main character n her brother"
yep. it's worth a read, guys! oh! n do read "define normal" too. by the same author.
you know what? im still thinking about writing the 'crushes' post. feel like writing now...but worry that i might drag the story until wayyyy toooo loooonggg *n boring too*
ok, i guess that's all the update i have for now. at least you know im still alive and kickin' =p
1. ana ucapkan terima kasih kpd kak juwita dan juga ustazah sakinah di atas ucapan hari jadi yg diberikan =) begitu juga kpd kawan2 yang lain... terharu jugak bila ade org ingat.... sampai kwn2 kt DQ pon ingat.... syukran ye? ^_^
oh! for readers who dont know what im talking about, it's about birthday wishes. for me. n fyi, my birthday is not in december *just in case you got the wrong info*
2. to cuz: hey!!!! oops! i mean, assalamu `alaikum! fuyo~~ it's been a long time since i last saw you... hehe.. i've been wanting to know how you are, how your school is - environment, study, friends - aaahh~ hope you're doing well! but i dont know how to reach you. err... actually, i thought you have no internet connection there...or at least, you dont have you own personal laptop or something. *a bit too narrow-minded, me* so, i was quite suprised that you tagged.
-------------------------------------------
term test week's coming up!!
this coming monday, to be exact. aiyo~~ so much for wanting to get straight A's for this semester. i just hope i will NOT get any C..... klw dulu2 tu boleh lah...sebab C was for Cemerlang. heh. sekarang ni.....*fillintheblank*
on a happier note, the first HPI practical report, which my partner and i submitted veeerrry the late, well, we got 47/50! alhamdulillah~~! rase gembire, rase bersyukur, rase 'biar-betik!'... waduh~ hanye Tuhan je yang tahu! me asyik tgk2 je practical report...sapelah yg tk happy, rase bangge jugak (tp untuk diri sendiri ah~ bukan bangge smpi show off gitu!), all the rush, typing, squeezing of the brains, finding the right words....but all tainted with late submission..... akhirnye, kite dpt jugak markah yg memberangsangkan! my second HPI prac report pon ok jugak, 32/40...dgn 2 partners lain =)
hmmm...about my previous entries...well, i hope you wont misinterpret them.... im not living a sad, depressed life ok? my school life is practically normal. n i never felt better! struggling in school is a normal thing. n im doing ok.
plus, im recommending you this book: "Luna - a novel" by julie anne peters. the book's soooo damn touching, meaningful that my eyes were brimming with tears - tears of sympathy, sadness, painful joy.... what's the book about? go find out yourself! when i read the synopsis, i thought,"hey, why dont i give it a try? it's an interesting n controversial topic. i hope this book will shed some light on it...give new perspective...from the eyes of the main character n her brother"
yep. it's worth a read, guys! oh! n do read "define normal" too. by the same author.
you know what? im still thinking about writing the 'crushes' post. feel like writing now...but worry that i might drag the story until wayyyy toooo loooonggg *n boring too*
ok, i guess that's all the update i have for now. at least you know im still alive and kickin' =p
let's talk
do you know the feeling
when sometimes
you're simply unsure who to talk to
about what is new, what is wrong, what is happening
about what you're going through
coz you doubt if anybody actually wants to listen
to your pain, complain, joy and laughter
if anybody actually understands what you're saying
your ideas, opinions, confessions and insights
n maybe, coz you're afraid people may judge you
afraid of the verdict
that you are not what you were
or that you were not what you are
do you know that feeling
when you hesitate to turn to your old friends
to confide, to share, to impart
the new experience and discoveries you've made
afraid that they may not be interested to hear all that
coz you're not in the same line anymore
just as well
when you hesitate to talk to your new friends
to tell them tales of your past
the stories of today
the dreams of tomorrow
coz you still dont know them enough
do you know the feeling
kind of lost
old friends - they dont know what you've become
and you dont want them to know who you are now
new friends - they dont know who you were back then
and you cant explain to them who your old self was
then who can you trust your feelings and thoughts with?
there's God.
oh! how many hours a day that you forget about Him?
how many seconds a day that you even think about Him?
how many times do you turn to Him and pray?
how many?
when sometimes
you're simply unsure who to talk to
about what is new, what is wrong, what is happening
about what you're going through
coz you doubt if anybody actually wants to listen
to your pain, complain, joy and laughter
if anybody actually understands what you're saying
your ideas, opinions, confessions and insights
n maybe, coz you're afraid people may judge you
afraid of the verdict
that you are not what you were
or that you were not what you are
do you know that feeling
when you hesitate to turn to your old friends
to confide, to share, to impart
the new experience and discoveries you've made
afraid that they may not be interested to hear all that
coz you're not in the same line anymore
just as well
when you hesitate to talk to your new friends
to tell them tales of your past
the stories of today
the dreams of tomorrow
coz you still dont know them enough
do you know the feeling
kind of lost
old friends - they dont know what you've become
and you dont want them to know who you are now
new friends - they dont know who you were back then
and you cant explain to them who your old self was
then who can you trust your feelings and thoughts with?
there's God.
oh! how many hours a day that you forget about Him?
how many seconds a day that you even think about Him?
how many times do you turn to Him and pray?
how many?
stressed?
im taking this opportunity to answer a question posted on my tagboard *since i cant tag...some 'cookie' problem or something*
honestly, im not sure if im stressed...because of poly life - school work, cca, or external activities that im involved in.
or maybe im denying the fact that im getting stresser day after day.
but i dont think that has happened, yet.
though i can feel some sort of panic seeping in... worry, yes. and maybe something else. afraid of failure??
nowadays, since i-dont-know-when, i sometimes imagine myelf - or hope to myself - that i dont have cca, or tutoring, or whatever else that is distrupting peaceful life. so i'll have more time to do my school work that is MOOOOOOOOOORRREEE important, and that i wont be RUSHING HERE AND THERE, WORRYING THAT I HAVENT DONE MY TUTORIAL, OR REVISED MY LECTURE NOTES, OR PANIC BECAUSE THERE'S A QUIZ COMING UP. sometimes i feel tired.
where's my focus gone to?
but then again, BAD HABITS DONT DIE OFF EASILY. a bad habit of mine is that i procrastinate. i rather do stuff other than studying. other people have their own 'comfortable' time to study, right? but, me? i simply dont know when the mood to study will come. it seems that 24/7 i have something else to do, and so, i postpone my assignments, tutorials, revision.
a PROMINENT bad habit: sleep sleep sleep. i feel sleepy during lectures, and sometimes i do doze off. i wake up late usually....so i'll be late for school. i sleep late, even though my eyes are demanding sleep *like now* what the heck are you doing late at night????????????? n when it's time to open my lecture notes, or at least read the instruction in the tutorial, i'll start to yawn...then decide that "oh! i want to sleep. tomorrow i'll do".... what da..?!!
im supposed to finish my lab report now. but suddenly, i dont feel like it. im gonna sleep right after this post. oh! i turned on the computer coz i had to check my email..... results,methods,diagram from my lab report teammates, ELF ALP program sheet for TP RAWKS from ELF yahoogroup...
oh! n disc report isnt graded...but i surely missed the chance to get to know myself better.
tkd? well......... WHY ARENT YOU GETTING YOUR KICKS RIGHT????????? THEY'RE ONLY BASIC KICKS!!! BY NOW, YOU SHOULD'VE AT LEAST BE GOOD AT THEM..... klw org yang tak tahu main bola namenye kaki bangku, klw org yang tk tahu nak tendang betul2, namenye ape???????????????????
urgh! the kicking part does get on my nerves sometimes!
hmmmm.... let me see.
life in poly is great, good, fun... it is. enjoyable.
i hope you wont judge poly life by JUST knowing how i am doing....
coz the problem here is ME, ME, ME.
thanks for raising that question =)
honestly, im not sure if im stressed...because of poly life - school work, cca, or external activities that im involved in.
or maybe im denying the fact that im getting stresser day after day.
but i dont think that has happened, yet.
though i can feel some sort of panic seeping in... worry, yes. and maybe something else. afraid of failure??
nowadays, since i-dont-know-when, i sometimes imagine myelf - or hope to myself - that i dont have cca, or tutoring, or whatever else that is distrupting peaceful life. so i'll have more time to do my school work that is MOOOOOOOOOORRREEE important, and that i wont be RUSHING HERE AND THERE, WORRYING THAT I HAVENT DONE MY TUTORIAL, OR REVISED MY LECTURE NOTES, OR PANIC BECAUSE THERE'S A QUIZ COMING UP. sometimes i feel tired.
where's my focus gone to?
but then again, BAD HABITS DONT DIE OFF EASILY. a bad habit of mine is that i procrastinate. i rather do stuff other than studying. other people have their own 'comfortable' time to study, right? but, me? i simply dont know when the mood to study will come. it seems that 24/7 i have something else to do, and so, i postpone my assignments, tutorials, revision.
a PROMINENT bad habit: sleep sleep sleep. i feel sleepy during lectures, and sometimes i do doze off. i wake up late usually....so i'll be late for school. i sleep late, even though my eyes are demanding sleep *like now* what the heck are you doing late at night????????????? n when it's time to open my lecture notes, or at least read the instruction in the tutorial, i'll start to yawn...then decide that "oh! i want to sleep. tomorrow i'll do".... what da..?!!
im supposed to finish my lab report now. but suddenly, i dont feel like it. im gonna sleep right after this post. oh! i turned on the computer coz i had to check my email..... results,methods,diagram from my lab report teammates, ELF ALP program sheet for TP RAWKS from ELF yahoogroup...
oh! n disc report isnt graded...but i surely missed the chance to get to know myself better.
tkd? well......... WHY ARENT YOU GETTING YOUR KICKS RIGHT????????? THEY'RE ONLY BASIC KICKS!!! BY NOW, YOU SHOULD'VE AT LEAST BE GOOD AT THEM..... klw org yang tak tahu main bola namenye kaki bangku, klw org yang tk tahu nak tendang betul2, namenye ape???????????????????
urgh! the kicking part does get on my nerves sometimes!
hmmmm.... let me see.
life in poly is great, good, fun... it is. enjoyable.
i hope you wont judge poly life by JUST knowing how i am doing....
coz the problem here is ME, ME, ME.
thanks for raising that question =)
what's WRONG with me.........????????????
mMmMmMmMmmmmmmmmmmmm
MmMmMmMmMmMmmMmmmMMMM...................
ya Allah~ ape nak jadi dgn aku ni...
sigh~
i just remembered just now....... that i forgot to do the DISC profile report!! betape paniknye aku! astaghfirullah~~ me betul2 tak ingat.... dari hari rabu yang lepas nie....sampailah hari nie!
padahal i've checked my TP email last week...ade email pasal bende ni, n my tutor pon dah beritahu... due date nye was friday yang baru lepas nih..... dah tak boleh nak access to the system..............
ya Allah~~ ape yg harus aku lakukan??
hmmm~ nampak sgt tk boleh nak negotiate dgn guru.... yelah, sbb reason tk valid.
ape aku nak jawab nanti mase tutorial this week.............?
n i bet the DISC report worths quite a lot!!!!!!!!!!!
n forgetful liyana has just blown up her chances of getting a distinction!
*maybe*
------------------------------------------------
you know, im getting *whatstheword??* as the days go by.....
i really want to do well this semester. n yet, im lagging behind...since the start of the semester.... maths dah masuk topic 3...... ape2 je yg me ingat...ntah! HPI.....pasal complement system.... cardiac cycle..... serological tests...... even cell bio pon me tk bace sgt notes nye.
and for leadership n character...........minggu lepas baru the FIRST TIME i sat for the lecture from first to end............selame 4or5 minggu me asyik lewat... sbb gi solat asar *heh...solat asar pon rilek2..padahal ade lecture!* ade satu kali tu, me baru je duduk, 3or4 minutes later, lecture dah habis...makneNYE.......i missed one whole lecture!
oh! n missing lectures is something that is 'normal' to me now. heh. especially last 2 weeks ago.. on a friday...sbb nak habiskan lab report, i skipped math lecture (2 hours), n cell bio lecture (1 hour).......... such a good attitude liyana! ni lah akibatnye kalau buat lab report last minute! end up, me hantar lab report tu 30 minutes later than the dateline (5pm)...
hmmmmmmmmmm~~
n yesterday, i think, i came across the article, mengenai top psle malay student tu.......... subhanallah~ dia seorang hafiz rupenye..... sedangkan aku ni..............
*feels like slapping her own face*
n this semester....fuh! tk boleh main2 ah~~ lebih2 lagi for leadership n arts nye subjects tu..... ade individual assignment, group project....dah tu semua adelah CORE things yg di ASSESSED.... so, percentage nye byk! tk boleh main2! kena berikan yg terbaik!
leadership tu plak..........byk nah concept nak kena ingat!
hmmmmmmmmmmmm......
math~
math~
math~
ntah lah eh............
ni lah akibatnye....sbb me tk *fillintheblank*
astaghfirullah~~~
i guess i've sidetracked a bit too far....i must come back.... back to my roots...
back to fitrah...
aaah~ yes. fitrah.
but, what is fitrah?
MmMmMmMmMmMmmMmmmMMMM...................
ya Allah~ ape nak jadi dgn aku ni...
sigh~
i just remembered just now....... that i forgot to do the DISC profile report!! betape paniknye aku! astaghfirullah~~ me betul2 tak ingat.... dari hari rabu yang lepas nie....sampailah hari nie!
padahal i've checked my TP email last week...ade email pasal bende ni, n my tutor pon dah beritahu... due date nye was friday yang baru lepas nih..... dah tak boleh nak access to the system..............
ya Allah~~ ape yg harus aku lakukan??
hmmm~ nampak sgt tk boleh nak negotiate dgn guru.... yelah, sbb reason tk valid.
ape aku nak jawab nanti mase tutorial this week.............?
n i bet the DISC report worths quite a lot!!!!!!!!!!!
n forgetful liyana has just blown up her chances of getting a distinction!
*maybe*
------------------------------------------------
you know, im getting *whatstheword??* as the days go by.....
i really want to do well this semester. n yet, im lagging behind...since the start of the semester.... maths dah masuk topic 3...... ape2 je yg me ingat...ntah! HPI.....pasal complement system.... cardiac cycle..... serological tests...... even cell bio pon me tk bace sgt notes nye.
and for leadership n character...........minggu lepas baru the FIRST TIME i sat for the lecture from first to end............selame 4or5 minggu me asyik lewat... sbb gi solat asar *heh...solat asar pon rilek2..padahal ade lecture!* ade satu kali tu, me baru je duduk, 3or4 minutes later, lecture dah habis...makneNYE.......i missed one whole lecture!
oh! n missing lectures is something that is 'normal' to me now. heh. especially last 2 weeks ago.. on a friday...sbb nak habiskan lab report, i skipped math lecture (2 hours), n cell bio lecture (1 hour).......... such a good attitude liyana! ni lah akibatnye kalau buat lab report last minute! end up, me hantar lab report tu 30 minutes later than the dateline (5pm)...
hmmmmmmmmmm~~
n yesterday, i think, i came across the article, mengenai top psle malay student tu.......... subhanallah~ dia seorang hafiz rupenye..... sedangkan aku ni..............
*feels like slapping her own face*
n this semester....fuh! tk boleh main2 ah~~ lebih2 lagi for leadership n arts nye subjects tu..... ade individual assignment, group project....dah tu semua adelah CORE things yg di ASSESSED.... so, percentage nye byk! tk boleh main2! kena berikan yg terbaik!
leadership tu plak..........byk nah concept nak kena ingat!
hmmmmmmmmmmmm......
math~
math~
math~
ntah lah eh............
ni lah akibatnye....sbb me tk *fillintheblank*
astaghfirullah~~~
i guess i've sidetracked a bit too far....i must come back.... back to my roots...
back to fitrah...
aaah~ yes. fitrah.
but, what is fitrah?
short update
1. i got ARTS APPRECIATION n LEADERSHIP & CHARACTER for my cross-disciplinary subjects. the former was my 3rd/4th choice...n the latter, i didnt even apply for it! tapi me reda je... pasti ade hikmah di sebalik tu... n im LOVIN' the tutorials!! *note: bukan lecture tau...tapi tutorial..heh!*
2. subjects for this semester:
- basic microbiology
- cell biology
- human physiology and immunology
- mathematics and statistics 2
- communication skills for applied science 2
- arts appreciation
- leadership and character
3. my basic micrology lecturer is cute! a bit lame also.... but never mind! haha~~ excuse me eh, cute here is not cute face, superficial... it's more to his antics.... ketawanye pon kelakar... *smiling to myself* n my class got him for our tutor!!! yeah~~~!
4. intervarsity and polytechnic (IVP) competitions are coming....next year.. so tkd training will most probably be doubled, to 4 times a week. im still not sure if i can commit or not...though i want to...
5. ade jalan raye dgn members Nur Ikhwan n Nanyang Polytechnic Muslim Society... but im not going. memang tk nak pon!
6. firah got first in her class. mabruuuuuk!
7. i was shocked i when i saw the blog of a friend of mine. she withdrew from alsagoff years ago. n let me say this: im disappointed with her (or is it 'in her'?) i simply am. much more than im disappointed with Abidah. but both of you are still my friends. n i respect your decisions of what you want to become.
i think that's all for now.
2. subjects for this semester:
- basic microbiology
- cell biology
- human physiology and immunology
- mathematics and statistics 2
- communication skills for applied science 2
- arts appreciation
- leadership and character
3. my basic micrology lecturer is cute! a bit lame also.... but never mind! haha~~ excuse me eh, cute here is not cute face, superficial... it's more to his antics.... ketawanye pon kelakar... *smiling to myself* n my class got him for our tutor!!! yeah~~~!
4. intervarsity and polytechnic (IVP) competitions are coming....next year.. so tkd training will most probably be doubled, to 4 times a week. im still not sure if i can commit or not...though i want to...
5. ade jalan raye dgn members Nur Ikhwan n Nanyang Polytechnic Muslim Society... but im not going. memang tk nak pon!
6. firah got first in her class. mabruuuuuk!
7. i was shocked i when i saw the blog of a friend of mine. she withdrew from alsagoff years ago. n let me say this: im disappointed with her (or is it 'in her'?) i simply am. much more than im disappointed with Abidah. but both of you are still my friends. n i respect your decisions of what you want to become.
i think that's all for now.
caribbean blue by Enya
... Eurus ...
... Afer Ventus ...
... Afer Ventus ...
... so the world goes round and round
with all you ever knew -
They say the sky high above
is Caribbean blue ...
... if every man says all he can,
if every man is true,
do I believe the sky above
is Caribbean blue ...
... Boreas ...
... Zephryus ...
... if all you told was turned to gold,
if all you dreamed were new,
imagine sky high above
in Caribbean blue ...
... Eurus ...
Afer Ventus ...
... Boreas
Zephryus ...
... Africus ...
pictures 2006
hey there.... hmmm... if you guys notice, this year i dont have as many pictures to show you as i have last year.... haiz~~ sejak semenjak me masuk poly nih.. mcm tk byk gmbr yg me ambik untuk buat kenangan.... even events kt alsagoff, ie pasar amal 2006 n peraduan syarahan inter-madrasah me tk ambik gmbr.... well, not so accurate there.. i took few pictures during the latter. then, events yg related to MS (muslim society) pon... hmm... tk byk sgt ah...
entah lah ye... mungkin lagi a few months baru me jadi more 'hyped up' untuk take pictures again..
anyway...i still got some pictures for this year, 2006. so ENJOY!
HARI RAYA 2006 - FIRST DAY
entah lah ye... mungkin lagi a few months baru me jadi more 'hyped up' untuk take pictures again..
anyway...i still got some pictures for this year, 2006. so ENJOY!
HARI RAYA 2006 - FIRST DAY
tige beradik...
my new-found cousin. sabrina. very the peramah indeed! 'new-found' is a bit exaggerated, eh.. it's my first time interacting with her, seriously!
with nenek sebelah ayah n 2 younger cousins.. dah besar dah diorg...sec 3 n 1..
NUR IKHWAN'S KG CHAI CHEE IFTAR - 151006
kt raffles place.. dlm perjalanan pulang dari kgchaichee iftar.. i found a new friend: kak hawanis, from NYP =)
kak fadzillah (event IC, NI member), mdm hafifah n kak haswani (NI vice-chair)
the crowd =)
kak maryam O, farhana, kak khadijah ..... BACK TO ALSAGOFF - 131006
lined up.... hehe...sape yg terpendek?? =p
kt AVA room... where i used to sit... huda too..
first time gitu ambil gmbr dgn tige2 guru lelaki...kt bilik guru lelaki plak tu!
RAMADHAN ROCKS 2006 - 29 & 300906
malam2 buta...pukul 12 lebih pagi....or was it 1 in da morning??? *still can smile seyyy*
baru habis cuci dulang, pinggan, gelas, water dispensers, baldi yang org letak makanan tu.. (ape namenye eh??) dan sebagainye....fuh! my baju, tudung were smeeeelllly! hahahahah! pagi2 org solat, kite cuci-mencuci... cewah~~
most of my classmates are here
the muslim girls in AG12
some of the Nur Ikhwan's girls.... *it was kak haswani's birthday...she got a card! =>*
MISCELLANEOUS
tkd grading at toa payoh sports hall in july..... it was my first! i wasnt anywhere in this pic... just to give you the idea of how it is.
aaliyah~~~ *oops! blm mintak izin dari kak deena!*
during graduation day... back in january..
our first-prize winner..... from ALSAGOFF... yeah~~! takbir!
a day out with thfz classmates.... but here are my two friends from alsagoff
awww~~ no goodies for me! *sad face*
i just realised that this sunday's children's day.
which reminds me that im never going to get any presents or goodies again.
*i dont think lecturers do that, do you??*
last year, i wrote about ust damawiyah treating us a polar cake, mee goreng and a drink... at that time, i had already feel the sadness, that that was gonna be my last children's day 'presents'..
i wanna be a kid again! n be in alsagoff!
which reminds me that im never going to get any presents or goodies again.
*i dont think lecturers do that, do you??*
last year, i wrote about ust damawiyah treating us a polar cake, mee goreng and a drink... at that time, i had already feel the sadness, that that was gonna be my last children's day 'presents'..
i wanna be a kid again! n be in alsagoff!
it's quite high ley!
yes, yes, yes!!!
i'd like to declare something........................
i've tried TWO HIGH ELEMENTSSSS!! yeah~!
flying fox n multi-vine..
FUYO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok lah...i've never facilitated flying fox before... n i've never tried it too (facilitators mane ade nk main, yg main participants je! pfft!)
so, just now got refresher course, for ELF trainees to refresh our minds on the games, procedures, safety stuff n so on...
n so, i actually climbed up the pole - i was belayed - n tada! i stood on the platform with a senior instructor. first he showed me the step-by-step procedures once a participant is up there (this time, konon i was the participant ah).... lonnngg ago, in june, the staff i/c for EFL, terence, had actually taught some of us (including me) the procedures for flying fox.. tapi lupe2 jugak ah...
then....i just took a step off the platform.
seconds before i took off...ish! perasaan takut dan worry tu... rupenye2 baru me realise betape kuatnye kedue2 feelings tu, sampai boleh mempengaruh fikiran org..samade to get on with it, or retreat. *thinking...*
but then again, it was fuN, with a capital N! haha~~
multi-vine plak, me pernah facilitate...yelah, instructors stay on the ground je... setakat tgk participants...some of them super-brave..some of them scared....
today, i got to feel what it's like to really be UP THERE... bila tgh panjat pole tu - again, i was belayed - rase seram semakin memuncak... bila dah sampai kt atas...aduuuuhh~~ boleh tahan menggigil jugak! i just concentrated and looked forward. not that i didnt dare to look down... *eh! me boleh tgk bwh lah~~ tahap seram tkdelah extreme mane..* my feet sliding the wire...my hands holding super-tight to the rope... n trying to balance myself *it wasnt that hard, actually..i've seen worse - people who were nearly off-balance, leaning a bit too forward/backward..all trying to balance themselves!*
anyway.... i succeed to touch the pole at the other end.
feelings?? hmmm... how to say eh?? i think i also forgot already...
quite challenging, emotionally n physically..
after lunch-time, we cleaned the shed and ELF room.. aiyo~~ kt shed tu... boleh tahan berserak..mcm2 khazanah ade kt dlm... lizards, spiders, big ants... heh. i must admit, i wasnt too helpful at the cleaning part... coz my energy was draining slowly out of me. n also coz im not too keen to do cleaning up.
having said that, today was quite fun! plus the people im with ah... so the whole day was enjoyable, though tiring. =)
some facts though: a few times i was in very close distance with guys. on the platform during flying fox, sitting on the log with two guys side by side, sitting on a not-so-new bench with jia liang right beside me, n sitting in a room with all guys, no girls *coz i came back to the ELF room early than the rest of the girls...bila masuk tu, rupe2nye semua lelaki... me duduk je satu corner, dgr lagu*
so what do you think?
ain't i a changed person?
or my faith is simply lacking?
- you dont judge me -
i'd like to declare something........................
i've tried TWO HIGH ELEMENTSSSS!! yeah~!
flying fox n multi-vine..
FUYO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok lah...i've never facilitated flying fox before... n i've never tried it too (facilitators mane ade nk main, yg main participants je! pfft!)
so, just now got refresher course, for ELF trainees to refresh our minds on the games, procedures, safety stuff n so on...
n so, i actually climbed up the pole - i was belayed - n tada! i stood on the platform with a senior instructor. first he showed me the step-by-step procedures once a participant is up there (this time, konon i was the participant ah).... lonnngg ago, in june, the staff i/c for EFL, terence, had actually taught some of us (including me) the procedures for flying fox.. tapi lupe2 jugak ah...
then....i just took a step off the platform.
seconds before i took off...ish! perasaan takut dan worry tu... rupenye2 baru me realise betape kuatnye kedue2 feelings tu, sampai boleh mempengaruh fikiran org..samade to get on with it, or retreat. *thinking...*
but then again, it was fuN, with a capital N! haha~~
multi-vine plak, me pernah facilitate...yelah, instructors stay on the ground je... setakat tgk participants...some of them super-brave..some of them scared....
today, i got to feel what it's like to really be UP THERE... bila tgh panjat pole tu - again, i was belayed - rase seram semakin memuncak... bila dah sampai kt atas...aduuuuhh~~ boleh tahan menggigil jugak! i just concentrated and looked forward. not that i didnt dare to look down... *eh! me boleh tgk bwh lah~~ tahap seram tkdelah extreme mane..* my feet sliding the wire...my hands holding super-tight to the rope... n trying to balance myself *it wasnt that hard, actually..i've seen worse - people who were nearly off-balance, leaning a bit too forward/backward..all trying to balance themselves!*
anyway.... i succeed to touch the pole at the other end.
feelings?? hmmm... how to say eh?? i think i also forgot already...
quite challenging, emotionally n physically..
after lunch-time, we cleaned the shed and ELF room.. aiyo~~ kt shed tu... boleh tahan berserak..mcm2 khazanah ade kt dlm... lizards, spiders, big ants... heh. i must admit, i wasnt too helpful at the cleaning part... coz my energy was draining slowly out of me. n also coz im not too keen to do cleaning up.
having said that, today was quite fun! plus the people im with ah... so the whole day was enjoyable, though tiring. =)
some facts though: a few times i was in very close distance with guys. on the platform during flying fox, sitting on the log with two guys side by side, sitting on a not-so-new bench with jia liang right beside me, n sitting in a room with all guys, no girls *coz i came back to the ELF room early than the rest of the girls...bila masuk tu, rupe2nye semua lelaki... me duduk je satu corner, dgr lagu*
so what do you think?
ain't i a changed person?
or my faith is simply lacking?
- you dont judge me -
stories yet to be shared
- my comments on my sem1 result
- music that i currently enjoy listening
- my crushes (yes! i've been thinking of writing a post on that ever since my cousin asked me about it)
- music that i currently enjoy listening
- my crushes (yes! i've been thinking of writing a post on that ever since my cousin asked me about it)
busy little bee *weeeeezzzz*
this year's holiday is a lot different than before. yeah... if you read my last year's entries, u'll notice that i kept saying something like, "i wasted my time" "boring" etc etc... the point is, my previous holidays were void of useful, meaningful, fruitful activities.
n now, here i am, in the middle of my semester break... around 1 month more to go before school reopens... *yawns...coz it'sbeen a loooong holiday already*
as the post title indicates..yes..im always busy.. my time is always filled...i go out almost everyday.
the only problem is, im always going here n there that i sometimes want to stop. n just sit at home, watch dvds. or go out with my family.
i go to school sometimes, for tkd trainings, ALP courses... then, there's tahfiz..though i shall admit, i seldom go to mks now. n im involved with not one, but 3 i events: ramadhan rocks, Minhah'06 iftar, collaboration between Nur Ikhwan n NYPMS, Nur Ikhwan's kg chai chee iftar.
i should show you my organizer - which i create myself, since islamic organizers were out of stock when i wanted to buy one... meetings take quite a lot of my time... n usually, when i go out, i go to 2/3 places on a particular day.say.... morning, tutoring.tghari/ptg, meeting ELF. mlm,meeting iftar NI/NYPMS...
n this october, i have 2 camps lined up. community service club sub-comm training camp n taekwondo camp.
another thing...some activities clash with other activities.... for example, ramadhan rocks and tutoring. SP iftar with CSC camp... *sighs loudly* it's just that...all these make me have to think of ways to change my tutoring time...or miss out on other activities...
sometimes things come up last minute and you have to arrange your schedule..where to go first.. what to do..
n let me say here: it reaaaaaaaaaaally good that i have a bus concession pass... it's definitely, undoubtly, clearly my financial lifesaver!
of course, i enjoy what im doing. holiday's been great. im not sure if you agree or not, but i dont always complain... hmmm... err... am i complaining now? coz if i am.. i'll just delete this post..
everything is energy- and time-consuming. while im ok with all these, my dad isnt. not really.. sometimes he questions if all these meetings are necessary... n all these involvements keeps me away from home, where im expected to do house chores, which my parents prefer me doing. heh.
but at the same time, im thankful that my parents support me. though maybe my dad is sometimes annoyed by my 'busi-ness'... he consents my going here, there.. so far he hasnt pressed the red stop button. when he does, i think i'll understand. my parents have usually given me green lights, so it's only fair that i obey their say.
on a happier note, this month i've gone out with my family twice. n my parents, once. did some shopping during these family trips..*smiling widelyyyyy* during these times, i didnt have to worry about where im rushing off to next.. coz the whole day was family day.. well, except for the day i went out with my parents ah... that night, i had to go to ramashan rocks meeting at saff-centre, kt bukit gombak..tu pon bila bangun dari tido, rase mcm malas nk keluar lagi!
kadang2 tu rase penat n nk duduk rumah a little bit overwhelming that i didnt go to tkd training...for example, last week! dua2 hari me tk pegi..tibe2 rase tampines tu jauh sgt!
oklah...........dah pukul 2.27 AM nie... hmmm.. dapat jugak me tulis 2 posts malam/pagi nie... walaupon mate dah agak berat nih!...
till here....
n now, here i am, in the middle of my semester break... around 1 month more to go before school reopens... *yawns...coz it'sbeen a loooong holiday already*
as the post title indicates..yes..im always busy.. my time is always filled...i go out almost everyday.
the only problem is, im always going here n there that i sometimes want to stop. n just sit at home, watch dvds. or go out with my family.
i go to school sometimes, for tkd trainings, ALP courses... then, there's tahfiz..though i shall admit, i seldom go to mks now. n im involved with not one, but 3 i events: ramadhan rocks, Minhah'06 iftar, collaboration between Nur Ikhwan n NYPMS, Nur Ikhwan's kg chai chee iftar.
i should show you my organizer - which i create myself, since islamic organizers were out of stock when i wanted to buy one... meetings take quite a lot of my time... n usually, when i go out, i go to 2/3 places on a particular day.say.... morning, tutoring.tghari/ptg, meeting ELF. mlm,meeting iftar NI/NYPMS...
n this october, i have 2 camps lined up. community service club sub-comm training camp n taekwondo camp.
another thing...some activities clash with other activities.... for example, ramadhan rocks and tutoring. SP iftar with CSC camp... *sighs loudly* it's just that...all these make me have to think of ways to change my tutoring time...or miss out on other activities...
sometimes things come up last minute and you have to arrange your schedule..where to go first.. what to do..
n let me say here: it reaaaaaaaaaaally good that i have a bus concession pass... it's definitely, undoubtly, clearly my financial lifesaver!
of course, i enjoy what im doing. holiday's been great. im not sure if you agree or not, but i dont always complain... hmmm... err... am i complaining now? coz if i am.. i'll just delete this post..
everything is energy- and time-consuming. while im ok with all these, my dad isnt. not really.. sometimes he questions if all these meetings are necessary... n all these involvements keeps me away from home, where im expected to do house chores, which my parents prefer me doing. heh.
but at the same time, im thankful that my parents support me. though maybe my dad is sometimes annoyed by my 'busi-ness'... he consents my going here, there.. so far he hasnt pressed the red stop button. when he does, i think i'll understand. my parents have usually given me green lights, so it's only fair that i obey their say.
on a happier note, this month i've gone out with my family twice. n my parents, once. did some shopping during these family trips..*smiling widelyyyyy* during these times, i didnt have to worry about where im rushing off to next.. coz the whole day was family day.. well, except for the day i went out with my parents ah... that night, i had to go to ramashan rocks meeting at saff-centre, kt bukit gombak..tu pon bila bangun dari tido, rase mcm malas nk keluar lagi!
kadang2 tu rase penat n nk duduk rumah a little bit overwhelming that i didnt go to tkd training...for example, last week! dua2 hari me tk pegi..tibe2 rase tampines tu jauh sgt!
oklah...........dah pukul 2.27 AM nie... hmmm.. dapat jugak me tulis 2 posts malam/pagi nie... walaupon mate dah agak berat nih!...
till here....
feel the target, dude!
today's tkd training was, by far, the best training yet. minus the shuttle run, of course.
what's good?
well, at last, my kicks sounded better. hahaha~ lame right?
but it matters to me, you know!
the coach - well, he's not really my coach..he's the colour belts' - had us doing lots of front kicks.. first slow run, run, run over small triangle cups aligned straight on the floor, then kick ten times, fast one..i guess i did ok.. the run faster..then must do kneelift ten times, run over the triangles,kick.then facing the other side do kneelift ten times, turn,run,kick.
then he told us to run slowly - "take your time" - and give our 100% kick. "the lesser energy u use, the louder the sound, it means that you're getting it"... yeah, man!
i tried to relax my body and just give a good kick. but my body was tense, and when i kicked, it was as if my whole body was moving. the correct way is your body relaxes, dont jump, and just swing your leg..
well, after a few times kicking, i was satisfied... as the coach said, "feel it!" well, something like that ar... whatever the IT is, i guess it means the sense of satisfaction when you get to kick full-force.
then, we were back to the basics: bounce, bounce, bounce... slide forward, backward,kneelift..
overall, training was light =)
mase lari 3 rounds at the start of training tu, rase termengah2 jugak ah...mungkin sbb dah seminggu tk gi training - so tk lari - or coz i didnt do any stretching.. plus the fact that i was fasting.
i could take it ah... tapi bila part shuttle run..fuh~ i ended up breathing heavily for air! terus gi buka..bila nak duduk tu..terus start sakit perut! fuyo~~ i think it was the effect of the shuttle run or something.. nak makan roti pon tkde mood...minum air je..tapi badan terase lemah ah... i was practically shaking! hmmm...
tkpe.tkpe.
it's all in the mind.
i keep saying that phrase tu myself whenever i go running.. cube nak concentrate. tapi kate2 tu seolah2 tkde effect pade diri nie... i try to push myself, tapi rase penat plak. selalu jugak me asyik nk stop2 bila tgh lari tu... on few occasions je yg me dapat lari 3 laps without stopping.. mcm last two weeks..fuh~ terase relaks n satisfying betul...mase tu plak cuaca tgh redup, baru habis hujan... tk rase nk stop... i just run~run~run... mungkin oxygen supply ade lebih kot time tu! sbb tu tk rase exhausted..hehe..
oh! note to readers: when i say i 'run'...it doesnt mean i run, as in 'run', 'lari'...my kind of 'run' is more like jogging... cume kadang2 tk sedar bila my speed increases.
anyway...korg ade tertanye2 tk, tk rase canggung ke, pakai tudung and lari... pelajar2 lain nampak..
well, me cube sedaye upaya untuk tidak attract attention...tapi kt stadium tu mmg lah ade org... kt tpt duduknye(dragonboater n pelajar2 lain)..kt track (track-n-field ppl n cheerleading ppl)..kt field (sometimes dragonboaters or soccer ppl)...n me sedaye upaye elakkan dr rase 'show off'. bahaya! pada hakikatnye pon, me mmg tk bagus sgt bila lari... klw lari sorang2 ok ah..tp klw dgn fellow tkd-ians, im always the last one..or if there's luck, the last few..
ah~ biarlah ape org nk pikir...me lari nk exercise..buat ape nk show off plak.. *cume harap2 me tk attract too much, or even a little, attention from people, especially rijal...mintak dijauhkan!*
lagipon, dah berbulan2 me join tkd..jadi kelibat me tu dah biase jugak ah kan??
oh! did i mention that im the only muslim girl in tkd? n there are 5 muslim guys... ermm.. sebenarnye, ujian jugak bila ade rijal muslim nie... tapi lame kelamaan me dah tk heran dgn diorg. buat hal sendiri ah.. even though sometimes naughty and immature thoughts cross my mind..hmm..whatever! all these are the devil'swork! im fending them off!
mengenai kwn2 plak..yeah, i made friends here.. n i dare to say that i get along with them better than my classmates...maybe coz the time spent together, during trainings, twice a week... bila training, selalu in close distance, jadi selalu jugak berbual dgn kwn2 cina... pei yong, cheryl, yanning, gui wen, catherine, serene, maggie, jing hua...even the seniors, tiffany, hui ping, si ting, grace, vivian..bertegur sape jugak kadang2,tp tk berbual sgt ah.. kwn2 lelaki cina... tk bertegur sape sgt ah.. tk tahu nk ckp ape pon...cume maybe dgn wei liang, ok ah~~ click jugak dgn dia.. =)
so, overall, i can say that im comfortable with the TKD lot! *yey*
what's good?
well, at last, my kicks sounded better. hahaha~ lame right?
but it matters to me, you know!
the coach - well, he's not really my coach..he's the colour belts' - had us doing lots of front kicks.. first slow run, run, run over small triangle cups aligned straight on the floor, then kick ten times, fast one..i guess i did ok.. the run faster..then must do kneelift ten times, run over the triangles,kick.then facing the other side do kneelift ten times, turn,run,kick.
then he told us to run slowly - "take your time" - and give our 100% kick. "the lesser energy u use, the louder the sound, it means that you're getting it"... yeah, man!
i tried to relax my body and just give a good kick. but my body was tense, and when i kicked, it was as if my whole body was moving. the correct way is your body relaxes, dont jump, and just swing your leg..
well, after a few times kicking, i was satisfied... as the coach said, "feel it!" well, something like that ar... whatever the IT is, i guess it means the sense of satisfaction when you get to kick full-force.
then, we were back to the basics: bounce, bounce, bounce... slide forward, backward,kneelift..
overall, training was light =)
mase lari 3 rounds at the start of training tu, rase termengah2 jugak ah...mungkin sbb dah seminggu tk gi training - so tk lari - or coz i didnt do any stretching.. plus the fact that i was fasting.
i could take it ah... tapi bila part shuttle run..fuh~ i ended up breathing heavily for air! terus gi buka..bila nak duduk tu..terus start sakit perut! fuyo~~ i think it was the effect of the shuttle run or something.. nak makan roti pon tkde mood...minum air je..tapi badan terase lemah ah... i was practically shaking! hmmm...
tkpe.tkpe.
it's all in the mind.
i keep saying that phrase tu myself whenever i go running.. cube nak concentrate. tapi kate2 tu seolah2 tkde effect pade diri nie... i try to push myself, tapi rase penat plak. selalu jugak me asyik nk stop2 bila tgh lari tu... on few occasions je yg me dapat lari 3 laps without stopping.. mcm last two weeks..fuh~ terase relaks n satisfying betul...mase tu plak cuaca tgh redup, baru habis hujan... tk rase nk stop... i just run~run~run... mungkin oxygen supply ade lebih kot time tu! sbb tu tk rase exhausted..hehe..
oh! note to readers: when i say i 'run'...it doesnt mean i run, as in 'run', 'lari'...my kind of 'run' is more like jogging... cume kadang2 tk sedar bila my speed increases.
anyway...korg ade tertanye2 tk, tk rase canggung ke, pakai tudung and lari... pelajar2 lain nampak..
well, me cube sedaye upaya untuk tidak attract attention...tapi kt stadium tu mmg lah ade org... kt tpt duduknye(dragonboater n pelajar2 lain)..kt track (track-n-field ppl n cheerleading ppl)..kt field (sometimes dragonboaters or soccer ppl)...n me sedaye upaye elakkan dr rase 'show off'. bahaya! pada hakikatnye pon, me mmg tk bagus sgt bila lari... klw lari sorang2 ok ah..tp klw dgn fellow tkd-ians, im always the last one..or if there's luck, the last few..
ah~ biarlah ape org nk pikir...me lari nk exercise..buat ape nk show off plak.. *cume harap2 me tk attract too much, or even a little, attention from people, especially rijal...mintak dijauhkan!*
lagipon, dah berbulan2 me join tkd..jadi kelibat me tu dah biase jugak ah kan??
oh! did i mention that im the only muslim girl in tkd? n there are 5 muslim guys... ermm.. sebenarnye, ujian jugak bila ade rijal muslim nie... tapi lame kelamaan me dah tk heran dgn diorg. buat hal sendiri ah.. even though sometimes naughty and immature thoughts cross my mind..hmm..whatever! all these are the devil'swork! im fending them off!
mengenai kwn2 plak..yeah, i made friends here.. n i dare to say that i get along with them better than my classmates...maybe coz the time spent together, during trainings, twice a week... bila training, selalu in close distance, jadi selalu jugak berbual dgn kwn2 cina... pei yong, cheryl, yanning, gui wen, catherine, serene, maggie, jing hua...even the seniors, tiffany, hui ping, si ting, grace, vivian..bertegur sape jugak kadang2,tp tk berbual sgt ah.. kwn2 lelaki cina... tk bertegur sape sgt ah.. tk tahu nk ckp ape pon...cume maybe dgn wei liang, ok ah~~ click jugak dgn dia.. =)
so, overall, i can say that im comfortable with the TKD lot! *yey*
stuff
today's ALP course was good! it was my first time facilitating a group..13 people.. before this, i had only tried mass briefing of 'magic carpet' game.
so, tadi, dpt jugak experience briefing my group for trust fall n nitro crossing n facililating the high elements, high beam n multi vine.
whee~~
yelah, it gave me a sense of responsibility n leadership. well, a bit. *teringat zaman kt alsagoff dulu*
n my group was quite enthu! actually there were only 2 groups.. less that 30 students ar.. from accounting and finance interest group. han jun facilitated group 1 n bryan conducted the energiser games n the team challenge. oh! n teaching the participants to wear harnesses. so, me, han jun n bryan were the only junior instructors there. plus another 2 senior instructors (initially..then another came)..
the day was peaceful to me coz there werent many instructors and people around. n compared to last week's ALP course, which saw many participants and instructors - plus the fact that i had nothing much to do except observe, i enjoy today's course. n my group is the best yet =) *cheers!*
ok, enough with that.
i've got something to share with you guys..
remember that i did mention that i dont have a wristwatch..the $5 one which i bought, last year i think, didnt last long =( i like like like the design of the watch! anyway...so, last wednesday 200906, my mum - or shall i say, my parents.. - bought me a wristwatch. i was there to choose, of course!
actually, my parents and i went to somerset..to tcc pte ltd, then to PUB.. then walked along orchard road to go to the maleleuca store at shaw house. along the way, i frequently stopped at watch kiosks or shop windows to browse the watches...most of them are not to my interest.. hmm... lots of elegant, ladylike watches ahh... or too fancy for my liking!
then...after having lunch at anatolia @ far east plaza, we passed Time Club.. i looked at the display..hmmm..then my dad said, masuklah..tgk. ok, so i went in...the swatch collection wasnt bad. there was one purple watch... attractively designed, indeed. n the price was $86...
but then, i looked around and chose 2 more watches..one was a Hugen n the other one...an I-watch, i think..
and.. and.. and..
i chose to buy Hugen, The Watch Maker Brand.. $65 only. the most suprising thing is... the original price was $280! i couldnt believe my eyes, and most importantly, my luck!
i had finally found a wristwatch that i really like, a branded one (though i was thinking of tag-heuer..sadly, that brand isnt sold in the shop), and someone bought it for me. nice!
*oh~ im so happy!*
ok, ok, ok...it's very late already..n i still havent had my shower from the time i reached home (which was at 9-something pm)...*smelly!*
so, tadi, dpt jugak experience briefing my group for trust fall n nitro crossing n facililating the high elements, high beam n multi vine.
whee~~
yelah, it gave me a sense of responsibility n leadership. well, a bit. *teringat zaman kt alsagoff dulu*
n my group was quite enthu! actually there were only 2 groups.. less that 30 students ar.. from accounting and finance interest group. han jun facilitated group 1 n bryan conducted the energiser games n the team challenge. oh! n teaching the participants to wear harnesses. so, me, han jun n bryan were the only junior instructors there. plus another 2 senior instructors (initially..then another came)..
the day was peaceful to me coz there werent many instructors and people around. n compared to last week's ALP course, which saw many participants and instructors - plus the fact that i had nothing much to do except observe, i enjoy today's course. n my group is the best yet =) *cheers!*
ok, enough with that.
i've got something to share with you guys..
remember that i did mention that i dont have a wristwatch..the $5 one which i bought, last year i think, didnt last long =( i like like like the design of the watch! anyway...so, last wednesday 200906, my mum - or shall i say, my parents.. - bought me a wristwatch. i was there to choose, of course!
actually, my parents and i went to somerset..to tcc pte ltd, then to PUB.. then walked along orchard road to go to the maleleuca store at shaw house. along the way, i frequently stopped at watch kiosks or shop windows to browse the watches...most of them are not to my interest.. hmm... lots of elegant, ladylike watches ahh... or too fancy for my liking!
then...after having lunch at anatolia @ far east plaza, we passed Time Club.. i looked at the display..hmmm..then my dad said, masuklah..tgk. ok, so i went in...the swatch collection wasnt bad. there was one purple watch... attractively designed, indeed. n the price was $86...
but then, i looked around and chose 2 more watches..one was a Hugen n the other one...an I-watch, i think..
and.. and.. and..
i chose to buy Hugen, The Watch Maker Brand.. $65 only. the most suprising thing is... the original price was $280! i couldnt believe my eyes, and most importantly, my luck!
i had finally found a wristwatch that i really like, a branded one (though i was thinking of tag-heuer..sadly, that brand isnt sold in the shop), and someone bought it for me. nice!
*oh~ im so happy!*
ok, ok, ok...it's very late already..n i still havent had my shower from the time i reached home (which was at 9-something pm)...*smelly!*
getting involved.
one thing yg me tk suke about joining org. comm. for events or malay students' body kan...ialah adding some people's email address to my msn. those people that i rather not have them as my contacts. who am i talking about?
the brothers.
dont get me wrong.
i dont hate them, or have unnecessary grudges.
i just find it disturbing.
DISTRACTING.
so, im gonna do what i did before.
.......
the brothers.
dont get me wrong.
i dont hate them, or have unnecessary grudges.
i just find it disturbing.
DISTRACTING.
so, im gonna do what i did before.
.......
a day with them
i had a great time today!
went to school with jim n nafisah..
catch up with each other...
meeting with the teachers..
oh! how glad i was!
and still am!
threading the same path again...
after many months....
seeing familiar faces!
haaa~~
im just so thankful to be back.
though it was quite, quite, quite awkward..
with the teachers, of course!
;p
not enough time though...
but that wonderful minutes... im just sooOoOoOOoo happy!
hmmmMmMmmmm
anyway,
after that, we went to mjd sultan, zohor prayer.
then..to orchard we go!!
wheeeeeeeeeee~~
had our late late late lunch at anatolia..
lamachun, yum!
wanted to try the ice cream..
but no thanks! it's a lot n i didnt wanna go thru the 'game'..
-_-'
oh ya, before that, went for asar prayer at royal plaza on scotts..*i think so*
oooo...got a surau there! first time seyyy~~
n so, as a result, i skipped TKD training..
never mind!
i was having a superb time!
hehe~ *bad, bad!*
then, maghrib prayer at al-falah..
then...
home sweet home!
thanks for the wonderful company, guys!
went to school with jim n nafisah..
catch up with each other...
meeting with the teachers..
oh! how glad i was!
and still am!
threading the same path again...
after many months....
seeing familiar faces!
haaa~~
im just so thankful to be back.
though it was quite, quite, quite awkward..
with the teachers, of course!
;p
not enough time though...
but that wonderful minutes... im just sooOoOoOOoo happy!
hmmmMmMmmmm
anyway,
after that, we went to mjd sultan, zohor prayer.
then..to orchard we go!!
wheeeeeeeeeee~~
had our late late late lunch at anatolia..
lamachun, yum!
wanted to try the ice cream..
but no thanks! it's a lot n i didnt wanna go thru the 'game'..
-_-'
oh ya, before that, went for asar prayer at royal plaza on scotts..*i think so*
oooo...got a surau there! first time seyyy~~
n so, as a result, i skipped TKD training..
never mind!
i was having a superb time!
hehe~ *bad, bad!*
then, maghrib prayer at al-falah..
then...
home sweet home!
thanks for the wonderful company, guys!
i need a massage. -_-"
yep. gimme some money n i'll make my way down to.....banyan tree?? or any other spa n massage centre in spore.
my feet hurt a lot, man! during TKD training, i kicked and kicked and kicked and kicked the target... the pain was... ergh!... and i was frustrated coz my kicking was wrong, wrong, WRONG! that's why i got the red markings!
n i still cant do the high kick! as a result, i kept hitting the wrong part of the target, which left my leg more painful!
n yesterday, when i woke up. my legs were like...sengal2?? stiff muscles..plus the blue-black on my feet (well, it's not blue-black, it's red. tapi bile tekan, sakit ar..) and i thought the blue-black parts were a bit swollen. plus, my back, shoulders, arms were aching...aiya~ mcm org tua lah pulak... padahal mase training tu involved kaki je... tapi mungkin sbb tido tk betul ar... that's why sane sini sengal2!
=(
at least today badan dah tk sakit sgt...cume my right shoulder, kt tpt joint, bile tekan rase sakit.. tpkan...mcm best lah pulak rase sakit2 nie... suke nah tekan2... my feet plak...still red..but dah kurang rase sakitnye tu...
im not going to training today, coz ade usrah n iftar kt mks. good thing i had planned to go there... mcm rase tk best plak sbb absent for training..tp..ah! i need one week off~~~!
my feet hurt a lot, man! during TKD training, i kicked and kicked and kicked and kicked the target... the pain was... ergh!... and i was frustrated coz my kicking was wrong, wrong, WRONG! that's why i got the red markings!
n i still cant do the high kick! as a result, i kept hitting the wrong part of the target, which left my leg more painful!
n yesterday, when i woke up. my legs were like...sengal2?? stiff muscles..plus the blue-black on my feet (well, it's not blue-black, it's red. tapi bile tekan, sakit ar..) and i thought the blue-black parts were a bit swollen. plus, my back, shoulders, arms were aching...aiya~ mcm org tua lah pulak... padahal mase training tu involved kaki je... tapi mungkin sbb tido tk betul ar... that's why sane sini sengal2!
=(
at least today badan dah tk sakit sgt...cume my right shoulder, kt tpt joint, bile tekan rase sakit.. tpkan...mcm best lah pulak rase sakit2 nie... suke nah tekan2... my feet plak...still red..but dah kurang rase sakitnye tu...
im not going to training today, coz ade usrah n iftar kt mks. good thing i had planned to go there... mcm rase tk best plak sbb absent for training..tp..ah! i need one week off~~~!
Organic Chemistry 1
for this paper... me belajar betul2! tp start lewat malam ar...lewat sekali... mase tgk project runway tu, notes kt depan..tp sesekali je tgk...dah tu, sempat tgk OC!
this time, me belajar smpi pukul 4 lebih pagi. walaupun semacam ngantuk gitu, tapi semangat belajar tu yg buat me tk tido. me betul2 nak cover each and every page of the lecture notes... dah lah mase tu topic 2 and 3 a bit lapuk... so kena refresh ar... i went through the lecture notes plus tutorial... yep. bila belajar tu, rase mcm lembab nah me nak cover sesuatu perkare.. i was spending too much time on orbitals (end up keluar yg simple2 habis punye! but then, maybe i really wanted to make sure i understand for the sake of the knowledge..)..
i finally stopped at carboxylic acids... nmpknye topic 7 and 8 me cover dlm bus je pagi nanti... bila pikir2 balik, mcm nak habiskan semua, memandangkan lagi few hours nk subuh, so tk payah tido. tapi, me chose to tido, coz i needed the rest. *teringat plak time exam tafsir tahun lepas, langsung tk tido! n akibatnye, i was exhausted* alhamdulillah~ satu dua jam tido pon jadilah...
dlm bus, me went thru amines and chemical reactions mechanism. the latter is one of the few topics i enjoyed doing. another one, is writing the products of chemical reactions and synthetic routes.. wheee~ initially, susah jugak nk determine reaction ape nk gunekan dlm synthetic routes tu... dlm chemical reactionc plak, yg leceh ialah nk ingat the correct reagents, catalyst. ish! tapi, bila kite dah belajar nih.. dah faham, dah ingat sedikit sebanyak..baru rase seronok buat questions2 berkenaan.
me ade print examp paper lame. nampak mcm complicated ar... tapi, when i did my own exam paper, it was fine. the thing about organic chem is that, if you make a tiny wrong step, the whole thing is wrong. careless mistakes always happen. tu yg me worry! satu persatu soalan me cube buat betul2, bace questions, checked my answers.
ade tk questons yg me stuck??? hmmm...ntah eh..rasenye semua boleh buat...cume ade 2 questions yang me ade doubts... satu: suggest one laboratory procedure to distinguish two compounds. primary alcohol and secondary alcohol... so me gunekan oxidation method. but i wrote acidic potassium permanganate as the reagent/catalyst. so it was a bit tedious... coz kena explain how to know carbon dioxide is formed from the primary alcohol..
bila dah nk dekat habis paper - i was doing the 2nd last Q i think, or 3rd last - i came across 2,4-dinitrophenylhydrazine...ler then i tot, "i should've used sodium dichromate, not potassium permanganate...jadi the whole process is much shorter n easier!"
terpikir2 jugak, samade me nk cancel my initial answer or not..tp tkde maselah...lagipon, my answer was quite ok pe...
dua: draw the least stable newman projection. me dah draw...tp selepas tu ade doubts... coz yg me draw tu rasenye is not the least stable...masih boleh buat dia lebih tk stable lagi... but that was 5 minutes before 12.30 (end of exam time)..pikir punye pikir..at last time's up..so me tk tukar... but then again, i had - and still have - a gut feeling that my answer was wrong. minus 2 marks then.
oh ya! there was a MCQ..least stable chair conformation for *trans-1,3-iforgottherestofthename*... ish~ musykil habis..tp at last..i just follow what i thought was correct, logically.
ok, so....my expectation for OC1?? hmm... my aim is quite high..an A...coz i never failed my term test and the 3 lecture quizzes... tp.. maybe i'll get a B.. i guess im alright with that...insha Allah~
we'll see...
and thus...i've finished the seriesof my exam-time stories..
my classmates told me that the results are due next two weeks...
hmmm...
"Ya Allah~ kuatkanlah hati hambaMu ini...walau apa pun keputusannya nanti, tenangkanlah and teguhkanlah diri ini untuk menerimanya....Amiin"
this time, me belajar smpi pukul 4 lebih pagi. walaupun semacam ngantuk gitu, tapi semangat belajar tu yg buat me tk tido. me betul2 nak cover each and every page of the lecture notes... dah lah mase tu topic 2 and 3 a bit lapuk... so kena refresh ar... i went through the lecture notes plus tutorial... yep. bila belajar tu, rase mcm lembab nah me nak cover sesuatu perkare.. i was spending too much time on orbitals (end up keluar yg simple2 habis punye! but then, maybe i really wanted to make sure i understand for the sake of the knowledge..)..
i finally stopped at carboxylic acids... nmpknye topic 7 and 8 me cover dlm bus je pagi nanti... bila pikir2 balik, mcm nak habiskan semua, memandangkan lagi few hours nk subuh, so tk payah tido. tapi, me chose to tido, coz i needed the rest. *teringat plak time exam tafsir tahun lepas, langsung tk tido! n akibatnye, i was exhausted* alhamdulillah~ satu dua jam tido pon jadilah...
dlm bus, me went thru amines and chemical reactions mechanism. the latter is one of the few topics i enjoyed doing. another one, is writing the products of chemical reactions and synthetic routes.. wheee~ initially, susah jugak nk determine reaction ape nk gunekan dlm synthetic routes tu... dlm chemical reactionc plak, yg leceh ialah nk ingat the correct reagents, catalyst. ish! tapi, bila kite dah belajar nih.. dah faham, dah ingat sedikit sebanyak..baru rase seronok buat questions2 berkenaan.
me ade print examp paper lame. nampak mcm complicated ar... tapi, when i did my own exam paper, it was fine. the thing about organic chem is that, if you make a tiny wrong step, the whole thing is wrong. careless mistakes always happen. tu yg me worry! satu persatu soalan me cube buat betul2, bace questions, checked my answers.
ade tk questons yg me stuck??? hmmm...ntah eh..rasenye semua boleh buat...cume ade 2 questions yang me ade doubts... satu: suggest one laboratory procedure to distinguish two compounds. primary alcohol and secondary alcohol... so me gunekan oxidation method. but i wrote acidic potassium permanganate as the reagent/catalyst. so it was a bit tedious... coz kena explain how to know carbon dioxide is formed from the primary alcohol..
bila dah nk dekat habis paper - i was doing the 2nd last Q i think, or 3rd last - i came across 2,4-dinitrophenylhydrazine...ler then i tot, "i should've used sodium dichromate, not potassium permanganate...jadi the whole process is much shorter n easier!"
terpikir2 jugak, samade me nk cancel my initial answer or not..tp tkde maselah...lagipon, my answer was quite ok pe...
dua: draw the least stable newman projection. me dah draw...tp selepas tu ade doubts... coz yg me draw tu rasenye is not the least stable...masih boleh buat dia lebih tk stable lagi... but that was 5 minutes before 12.30 (end of exam time)..pikir punye pikir..at last time's up..so me tk tukar... but then again, i had - and still have - a gut feeling that my answer was wrong. minus 2 marks then.
oh ya! there was a MCQ..least stable chair conformation for *trans-1,3-iforgottherestofthename*... ish~ musykil habis..tp at last..i just follow what i thought was correct, logically.
ok, so....my expectation for OC1?? hmm... my aim is quite high..an A...coz i never failed my term test and the 3 lecture quizzes... tp.. maybe i'll get a B.. i guess im alright with that...insha Allah~
we'll see...
and thus...i've finished the seriesof my exam-time stories..
my classmates told me that the results are due next two weeks...
hmmm...
"Ya Allah~ kuatkanlah hati hambaMu ini...walau apa pun keputusannya nanti, tenangkanlah and teguhkanlah diri ini untuk menerimanya....Amiin"
Human Anatomy and Physiology
simply said, it was easy! yeah~~ it's your typical secondary school biology. all you have to do is memorize the points and you'll be on your way to distinction!
i dont think i'll get Z. that's the alphabetical grade for Distinction. but i do hope i get an A or maybe B+.
i studied last minute giler sey! late at night and in da morning of the exam day. and i didnt touch the lecture notes, well, not totally ah..i did flip the endocrine system notes...eh! did i? *cant remember*
so, yeah. i started on the super important facts. coz i knew super well that those would super definitely come out. and they did! hah!
then, i covered tutorial questions. then i scanned the lecture quiz and tutorial quizzes. MCQs, man! must pay attention... and yep. several familiar MCQs were there, in the exam paper!
boleh dikatakan, me bergantung pada 'luck' ah... i mean, i didnt really 'study'... so i was quite panic, yes. but at the same time, i had the feeling that what i had managed to cover was sufficient.
but i must say that some important concepts/mechanisms were not in da tutorial sheets, so you actually had to read the lecture notes too. for example, hemostasis. i didnt even remember what the lecture notes say... at first i was like, "hemostasis....hemostasis...it's not homeostasis..... hemo mean blood...stasis means balance.....balance of blood...what???....oh! blood clotting!" and all i remembered was 'coagulation'..coz Mr Loh kept mentioning that during lecture. tapi mcmane nk explain the process of blood clotting???? me tk ingat the steps!
alhamdulillah~~~....nasib baik sgt sbb me masih ingat the process, secondary school style. yep. i actually remembered, but no fully, the points from my sec bio textbook! yang ade:
platelets n damaged tissue----->thrombokinase,
prothrombin------(with the help of thrombokinase)---->thrombin, *this part me confused; samade prothrombin to thrombin, or otherwise*
fibrinogen----(with the help of thrombin)--->insoluble fibrin threads.
calcium is needed in the process (ntah, tk ingat kt which part yg perlukan calcium; i didnt even mention 'ion', coz i wasnt sure).
tk tahu lah klw the examiner boleh terima my answer. coz i think my answer tu tkde dlm lecture notes. there was no 'coagulation' anywhere in my answer.
bila start of exam time tu, me terus mintak dictionary (yep..boleh request a dictionary)... sbb nk cari makna hemostasis and deglutition. those terms tkde dlm dictionary..i had expected that... tgk jenis dictionary je dah tau...it was oxford i think, tp kecil punye.
at last, becoz ramai org tk tahu kedua2 terms tu, Mr Tang (he's my HAP tutor) beritahu maknenye.. oh~ rupe2nye, deglutition tu 'swallowing'...
kena explain the two phases of swallowing...phases ape sey??? wah~ nie me betul2 tk tahu... in my head, i was picturing the diagram in the HAP textbook..tgh cube2 ingat the captions below the diagram..so me jawab je ah ape yg me tahu..tk cakap langsung pasal 2 phases.. i believe markah mesti kena potong... isk~ tkpelah...
overall, the paer was ok.. i was happy. =D
i dont think i'll get Z. that's the alphabetical grade for Distinction. but i do hope i get an A or maybe B+.
i studied last minute giler sey! late at night and in da morning of the exam day. and i didnt touch the lecture notes, well, not totally ah..i did flip the endocrine system notes...eh! did i? *cant remember*
so, yeah. i started on the super important facts. coz i knew super well that those would super definitely come out. and they did! hah!
then, i covered tutorial questions. then i scanned the lecture quiz and tutorial quizzes. MCQs, man! must pay attention... and yep. several familiar MCQs were there, in the exam paper!
boleh dikatakan, me bergantung pada 'luck' ah... i mean, i didnt really 'study'... so i was quite panic, yes. but at the same time, i had the feeling that what i had managed to cover was sufficient.
but i must say that some important concepts/mechanisms were not in da tutorial sheets, so you actually had to read the lecture notes too. for example, hemostasis. i didnt even remember what the lecture notes say... at first i was like, "hemostasis....hemostasis...it's not homeostasis..... hemo mean blood...stasis means balance.....balance of blood...what???....oh! blood clotting!" and all i remembered was 'coagulation'..coz Mr Loh kept mentioning that during lecture. tapi mcmane nk explain the process of blood clotting???? me tk ingat the steps!
alhamdulillah~~~....nasib baik sgt sbb me masih ingat the process, secondary school style. yep. i actually remembered, but no fully, the points from my sec bio textbook! yang ade:
platelets n damaged tissue----->thrombokinase,
prothrombin------(with the help of thrombokinase)---->thrombin
fibrinogen----(with the help of thrombin)--->insoluble fibrin threads.
calcium is needed in the process (ntah, tk ingat kt which part yg perlukan calcium; i didnt even mention 'ion', coz i wasnt sure).
tk tahu lah klw the examiner boleh terima my answer. coz i think my answer tu tkde dlm lecture notes. there was no 'coagulation' anywhere in my answer.
bila start of exam time tu, me terus mintak dictionary (yep..boleh request a dictionary)... sbb nk cari makna hemostasis and deglutition. those terms tkde dlm dictionary..i had expected that... tgk jenis dictionary je dah tau...it was oxford i think, tp kecil punye.
at last, becoz ramai org tk tahu kedua2 terms tu, Mr Tang (he's my HAP tutor) beritahu maknenye.. oh~ rupe2nye, deglutition tu 'swallowing'...
kena explain the two phases of swallowing...phases ape sey??? wah~ nie me betul2 tk tahu... in my head, i was picturing the diagram in the HAP textbook..tgh cube2 ingat the captions below the diagram..so me jawab je ah ape yg me tahu..tk cakap langsung pasal 2 phases.. i believe markah mesti kena potong... isk~ tkpelah...
overall, the paer was ok.. i was happy. =D
the start of semester break
im having my semester holiday now... 1 month 3 weeks. i dont even know what to do to fill the days that lie ahead. i dont have a specific plan coz thing may come up and i may make a haste and last minute plan.
im now at school... buat ape kt sekolah sedangkan dah cuti???
welllll....actually kan.... i had strongly thought that today ade TKD camp. we were told 2 weeks before the exams that there was going to be a TKD camp on 5 and 6 sept. and so, i reached the sports hall at 9am this morning only to find dragon boat girls and a few track-n-field guys, i think.
before that, in da bus, i was already having doubts. betul ke ade camp... yeah, yeah.. i know i should've sms-ed someone yesterday. but i didnt, did i?
bila dah smpi sports hall tu, baru me sms-ed pei yong and gui wen. and both informed me that "the camp in postponed.." dunno when's the new date. hah~ how come i didnt receive any sms/news about that?? i wonder....
tkpelah... bagus jugak me dtg pagi. immediately my head started to plan what to do.. so i ate a heavy breakfast at business park (business sch's canteen). ama damai sey kt situ..and the radio was playing beautiful songs to my ears... nk jugak tahu channel radio ape.. tp tk tahu nk tanye sape..ended up, me terlupa. malas plak nk patah balik. oh ya, before gi canteen, me pergi ke cheers jap...
after that, me terus gi library... ape lagi klw bukan tgk movie! haha... hari tu, last day of school, tk dpt tgk movie, so peluang keemasan nie tk mau dilepaskan!
=)
tgk le grand voyage... dah tu, terus nk tgk movie lain...tp kena tunggu at least 30 minutes *ish~~ mcm gelojoh lah pulak! shame on you!*
so, yeah, now here i am, typing this post.
6.30pm nanti ade TKD training, so obviously im not going home, yet.
im now at school... buat ape kt sekolah sedangkan dah cuti???
welllll....actually kan.... i had strongly thought that today ade TKD camp. we were told 2 weeks before the exams that there was going to be a TKD camp on 5 and 6 sept. and so, i reached the sports hall at 9am this morning only to find dragon boat girls and a few track-n-field guys, i think.
before that, in da bus, i was already having doubts. betul ke ade camp... yeah, yeah.. i know i should've sms-ed someone yesterday. but i didnt, did i?
bila dah smpi sports hall tu, baru me sms-ed pei yong and gui wen. and both informed me that "the camp in postponed.." dunno when's the new date. hah~ how come i didnt receive any sms/news about that?? i wonder....
tkpelah... bagus jugak me dtg pagi. immediately my head started to plan what to do.. so i ate a heavy breakfast at business park (business sch's canteen). ama damai sey kt situ..and the radio was playing beautiful songs to my ears... nk jugak tahu channel radio ape.. tp tk tahu nk tanye sape..ended up, me terlupa. malas plak nk patah balik. oh ya, before gi canteen, me pergi ke cheers jap...
after that, me terus gi library... ape lagi klw bukan tgk movie! haha... hari tu, last day of school, tk dpt tgk movie, so peluang keemasan nie tk mau dilepaskan!
=)
tgk le grand voyage... dah tu, terus nk tgk movie lain...tp kena tunggu at least 30 minutes *ish~~ mcm gelojoh lah pulak! shame on you!*
so, yeah, now here i am, typing this post.
6.30pm nanti ade TKD training, so obviously im not going home, yet.
le grand voyage~
i just watched the movie! at TP library..
im touched. a bit overwhelmed. it feels good!
not much dialogue.. but i think i got the message. plus, i just love listening to the conversation... french eh? moroccan arabic here and there? the sound is simply nice =)
bila part reda n his dad arrive at Mecca...n movie tu tunjukkan ramai org berjalan menuju masjidil haram...background sound "labbaikallahummu labbaik~~"...then, ade gmbr ramai org tgh solat... background sound "bacaan quran dr sudais"... haiz~ i was like, teary and overwhelmed....
bilakah aku akan menjejakkan kaki ke Makkah...?
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMmMmMMMMMMMmmmm...
im not sure how to explain this feeling of mine. but nvm, that's not important.
anyway, im satisfied with the movie. but i got one question: pelakon yg jadi Reda tu muslim ke tak? kalau bukan muslim, tkkn certain parts of the movie was filmed in Mecca??? how about the film crew??
oh! i am inspired with this part:
Reda: Why didn't you fly to Mecca? It's a lot simpler.
The Father: When the waters of the ocean rise to the heavens, they lose their bitterness to become pure again...
Reda: What?
The Father: The ocean waters evaporate as they rise to the clouds. And as they evaporate they become fresh. That's why it's better to go on your pilgrimage on foot than on horseback, better on horseback than by car, better by car than by boat, better by boat than by plane.
"The movie isn't sophisticated but is charming in its own way, a kind of National Geographic with soul."
- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0361670/
"Le Grand Voyage is one of the few productions allowed to shoot in Mecca; the final images are breathtaking, as is a final cathartic exchange between father and son, which makes the rough trip leading up to this moment worth the wait. Almost."
- Ed Gonzales, Slant Magazine
http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/film_review.asp?ID=1480
" "If the film has a message" Ferroukhi declared, "then it's a message of tolerance." He explained that he set out to make "a universal film [that would reach] beyond culture and religion." Thus, the son learns to accept his father's religious ways, while the father learns that his son must follow his own path in life. "
- http://www.altfg.com/Reviews/grandvoyage.htm
excepts taken from an interview with nicholas cazale (Reda):
- http://www.legrandvoyage.co.uk/interview01.htm
How did you feel among the Mecca pilgrims?
I could feel both an extraordinary energy and love, as if I could really hear Islam's heart beat. You realize that this religion is made of love and care for the others. I am happy I took part in this movie because it shows Islam in a way that has nothing to do with the image the media convey.
Did you find out things you did not know about Islam?
Absolutely. Reading the Koran I notably realized that Islam is a very federative religion: the human being is the centre of things and care for the others is essential. It teaches love and not hatred as is too often heard. The texts say that if one is hurt, one can take revenge, but it is even better if one can forgive.
im touched. a bit overwhelmed. it feels good!
not much dialogue.. but i think i got the message. plus, i just love listening to the conversation... french eh? moroccan arabic here and there? the sound is simply nice =)
bila part reda n his dad arrive at Mecca...n movie tu tunjukkan ramai org berjalan menuju masjidil haram...background sound "labbaikallahummu labbaik~~"...then, ade gmbr ramai org tgh solat... background sound "bacaan quran dr sudais"... haiz~ i was like, teary and overwhelmed....
bilakah aku akan menjejakkan kaki ke Makkah...?
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMmMmMMMMMMMmmmm...
im not sure how to explain this feeling of mine. but nvm, that's not important.
anyway, im satisfied with the movie. but i got one question: pelakon yg jadi Reda tu muslim ke tak? kalau bukan muslim, tkkn certain parts of the movie was filmed in Mecca??? how about the film crew??
oh! i am inspired with this part:
Reda: Why didn't you fly to Mecca? It's a lot simpler.
The Father: When the waters of the ocean rise to the heavens, they lose their bitterness to become pure again...
Reda: What?
The Father: The ocean waters evaporate as they rise to the clouds. And as they evaporate they become fresh. That's why it's better to go on your pilgrimage on foot than on horseback, better on horseback than by car, better by car than by boat, better by boat than by plane.
"The movie isn't sophisticated but is charming in its own way, a kind of National Geographic with soul."
- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0361670/
"Le Grand Voyage is one of the few productions allowed to shoot in Mecca; the final images are breathtaking, as is a final cathartic exchange between father and son, which makes the rough trip leading up to this moment worth the wait. Almost."
- Ed Gonzales, Slant Magazine
http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/film_review.asp?ID=1480
" "If the film has a message" Ferroukhi declared, "then it's a message of tolerance." He explained that he set out to make "a universal film [that would reach] beyond culture and religion." Thus, the son learns to accept his father's religious ways, while the father learns that his son must follow his own path in life. "
- http://www.altfg.com/Reviews/grandvoyage.htm
excepts taken from an interview with nicholas cazale (Reda):
- http://www.legrandvoyage.co.uk/interview01.htm
How did you feel among the Mecca pilgrims?
I could feel both an extraordinary energy and love, as if I could really hear Islam's heart beat. You realize that this religion is made of love and care for the others. I am happy I took part in this movie because it shows Islam in a way that has nothing to do with the image the media convey.
Did you find out things you did not know about Islam?
Absolutely. Reading the Koran I notably realized that Islam is a very federative religion: the human being is the centre of things and care for the others is essential. It teaches love and not hatred as is too often heard. The texts say that if one is hurt, one can take revenge, but it is even better if one can forgive.
©Everything in its time - Powered By Blogger
Thanks to Blogger Templates | punta cana dominican republic