brother wants to get engaged.
I'm not thrilled. though I joked my way around.
**
felt the sting when father says I know but I don't understand.
I seek to understand, ayah.
I just don't show it.
and I thank you, for the trust.
**
I miss knowing my brothers.
calling one my brother but i do not know him.
calling another my brother but i do not know him enough.
**
the secret keeper
the listener
no, not the golden child
but one who is always there
**
the mission to do da'wah is calling
da'wah to my family
**
Abang, kakak, abang, adik.. Liyana doakan kalian.. Liyana doakan kita semua..
Ya Allah,
jadikanlah kami anak-anak yang soleh dan solehah..
didiklah kami Ya Allah..
jangan biarkan kami menyimpang hingga menjadi anak derhaka..
kurniakanlah hidayahMu Ya Allah..
aku sayang kedua abang, kakak dan adikku Ya Allah..
dan aku tidak mahu mak dan ayah terluka..
Ya Allah.. janganlah Kau matikan kami dalam keadaan kami tidak direstui mereka..
**
Ya Allah..
please let them know, in their hearts, that I love them.
even though I do not show it.
please let them know, that I am willing to sacrifice.
please let them know, that I seek their blessings.
**
Ya Allah..
kuatkanlah aku..
aku ingin menjadi anak yang solehah..
**
Ya Allah..
please do not let them see my tears.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
and I know what my next step after graduation will be.
All is well.
pending stories
--------------------
RR'08 now has the project head and vice heads!
I wish them well.
lookin' forward to meet the rest of the team this wednesday.
--------------------
do you notice that i seldom share about my work?
last saturday, i chanced upon pictures of the volunteers.. old ones. was kinda amused to see the different hairstyles for the brothers and their antics in the pictures, and different tudung styles for the sisters. was kinda amazed to see their younger faces, coz i was thinking, how far have they come.. reminding me that they have way more experience.. feeling more respectful of them.. saw a few of my seniors from my alma mater too. oh, and suprisingly, my cousin too (yea, cuz, i was suprised! heh).
on another note, i want to commit to my work. i really do. coz i enjoy working there. although sometimes, i have to reinforce to myself that im just a worker. i've no business with them. when the time is for work, work. when the time is not for work, then i become a volunteer too. and sometimes, i think i may not be here for very long. i just cant say for now. after confirmation about my SIP placement, then we will see..
updates and such
1. it's that time of the year again: my term tests are done and over with. alhamdulillah di atas segala yang telah dipermudahkan...
and now.. wa ufawwidhu amrii ilallah~
2. Kamaliah got third in her class! needless to say, im Happy for youuuu~ and yes, let's go to NUS! haha..mcm betul aku nak masuk sane..
3. Aszafirah dapat masuk NUS laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!! National. University. of Singapore. Alf Mabruk, Ya sohibati~~ oh Allah~ tak tahu ape nak cakap~~ jealous? eh, tak! bangga adelah!
haha.. Selamat Maju Jaya, firah~ ana doakan anti dapat lalui uni experience with an open mind, open heart, dgn tabah, semangat, dan yang sewaktu dgnnya... until... 2012 kan? *Yes~ Aszafirah boleh!*
4. Student Internship Programme in 3 weeks' time. there was a briefing just now. sungguh menaikkan stress dan nervous level saya. hmMmMmMMMmmmm..
5. took Hep B jab last monday. 1st of 3. seriously ah.. i think i've had enough of needles and jabs. the pain's manageable, tapi mcm dah jemu gitu. and tak nak rasa that stinging feeling anymore. haem/bbank lab, blood donation, blood test, and this Hep B jab.. hmm.. im not looking forward to july's one!
6. i was quite suprised with the messages on/at/in my tagboard. really didnt expect anyone to write as many as 2 tags on the same day. my tagboard is usually inactive anyway. haha. plus, the sudden criticism. my reaction? ntah eh, rasa macam tak percaya ah. seriously. i kinda thought that those were some random comments, spam or flood or whatever you call it. and i think it's the first time im criticised in my blog. narcissictic? juvenile? immature? wow..
not taking it to heart, alright. and yeah, i do agree that what one writes does shed some light on one's personality, knowledge, and level of maturity. it may not necessarily 'reflects'.
then again, im not a writer. i think i've typed somewhere here that my thoughts are mostly in my head, unexpressed.. or simply, not expressed here. i think im more of a 'express by actions and body language' kinda person. easier coz no need to squeeze my brain juice to form even one wise - or mature, or intelligent, or funny, or interesting - sentence.
yupz!
ape lagi eh? oh!!
7. remember the post where i said i would tell you what song stuck in my head during bro hafiz M's walimah? so.. the name of the song is: Istri Sholehah.
actually, what caught my attention was
- oops.. sorry! to be continued yea. need to stop. think im gonna be ill. feverish. extremities feel cold. going home. (oh, im in the sch library level 2, btw) -
last but not least,
8. im now in third year but i still have yet to step into RP. aiyo~ gotta set a date with Jim ah.. before SIP.. >.<
9. D-Talk 2008 is coming sOon~~ for YOU - upper sec students, Polytechnic, ITE, JC, Madrasahs students... you're welcome to join Us!! ape tu D-Talk?? k, jom gi http://www.dtalk08.blogspot.com/ now! registration ends 15 June which reminds me... belum post up the reg form kat blog uh. oh no~~
and now.. wa ufawwidhu amrii ilallah~
2. Kamaliah got third in her class! needless to say, im Happy for youuuu~ and yes, let's go to NUS! haha..
3. Aszafirah dapat masuk NUS laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!! National. University. of Singapore. Alf Mabruk, Ya sohibati~~ oh Allah~ tak tahu ape nak cakap~~ jealous? eh, tak! bangga adelah!
haha.. Selamat Maju Jaya, firah~ ana doakan anti dapat lalui uni experience with an open mind, open heart, dgn tabah, semangat, dan yang sewaktu dgnnya... until... 2012 kan? *Yes~ Aszafirah boleh!*
4. Student Internship Programme in 3 weeks' time. there was a briefing just now. sungguh menaikkan stress dan nervous level saya. hmMmMmMMMmmmm..
5. took Hep B jab last monday. 1st of 3. seriously ah.. i think i've had enough of needles and jabs. the pain's manageable, tapi mcm dah jemu gitu. and tak nak rasa that stinging feeling anymore. haem/bbank lab, blood donation, blood test, and this Hep B jab.. hmm.. im not looking forward to july's one!
6. i was quite suprised with the messages on/at/in my tagboard. really didnt expect anyone to write as many as 2 tags on the same day. my tagboard is usually inactive anyway. haha. plus, the sudden criticism. my reaction? ntah eh, rasa macam tak percaya ah. seriously. i kinda thought that those were some random comments, spam or flood or whatever you call it. and i think it's the first time im criticised in my blog. narcissictic? juvenile? immature? wow..
not taking it to heart, alright. and yeah, i do agree that what one writes does shed some light on one's personality, knowledge, and level of maturity. it may not necessarily 'reflects'.
then again, im not a writer. i think i've typed somewhere here that my thoughts are mostly in my head, unexpressed.. or simply, not expressed here. i think im more of a 'express by actions and body language' kinda person. easier coz no need to squeeze my brain juice to form even one wise - or mature, or intelligent, or funny, or interesting - sentence.
yupz!
ape lagi eh? oh!!
7. remember the post where i said i would tell you what song stuck in my head during bro hafiz M's walimah? so.. the name of the song is: Istri Sholehah.
actually, what caught my attention was
- oops.. sorry! to be continued yea. need to stop. think im gonna be ill. feverish. extremities feel cold. going home. (oh, im in the sch library level 2, btw) -
last but not least,
8. im now in third year but i still have yet to step into RP. aiyo~ gotta set a date with Jim ah.. before SIP.. >.<
9. D-Talk 2008 is coming sOon~~ for YOU - upper sec students, Polytechnic, ITE, JC, Madrasahs students... you're welcome to join Us!! ape tu D-Talk?? k, jom gi http://www.dtalk08.blogspot.com/ now! registration ends 15 June which reminds me... belum post up the reg form kat blog uh. oh no~~
was checking my blog to see if there's anymore 'heated' tags.
then, clicked on the 'June 2007' history.
A Different Light.
feel like crying..
No! dont cry k.
You cant!
kerana Pejuang tak boleh menangis!
then, clicked on the 'June 2007' history.
A Different Light.
all these lead to me reflecting, why is my motivation the want, the need, to get in the TOP 10% of the cohort? why is my motivation to be on the same parr as the malay girl, who has the same name as me, who is in the top 10 students for 1st year? why..?
and why isnt my motivation based on the desire to please God? why do i feel a bit estranged from the fact that Allah is always there for me? why do i not trust and put all my hopes and prayers in Him?
why everytime i face failure, or even sense failure, i quickly become discouraged? why cant i be stronger, realising that Allah has me in His hands?
why am i so afraid that i wont reach my goal of getting the A's? is it super important that it blinds me from the pure intention of seeking knowledge?
think, my dear self,
think of your primary intention.
the others will come later.
once you set your innermost intention,
sure about it, work within it,
then you dont have to worry.
feel like crying..
No! dont cry k.
You cant!
kerana Pejuang tak boleh menangis!
Masih dalam Istikharah.. part trois
maybe, the msn conversation i had with my senior is a sign.
maybe, the conversation i had with kak syazwani masa NI mixed usrah last friday, when she mentioned about 'berburuk sangka dgn diri sendiri..', is a sign.
maybe, the conversations i had with ayah yesterday and mak today are signs too.
Alhamdulillah.. one huge obstacle has been overcome. maybe you know what it was, based on the msn conversation.
there are still few things to be thought through.
maybe, the conversation i had with kak syazwani masa NI mixed usrah last friday, when she mentioned about 'berburuk sangka dgn diri sendiri..', is a sign.
maybe, the conversations i had with ayah yesterday and mak today are signs too.
Alhamdulillah.. one huge obstacle has been overcome. maybe you know what it was, based on the msn conversation.
there are still few things to be thought through.
"Ya Allah! Aku mohon pemilihan Mu menerusi pengetahuan Mu dan aku mohon kekuatan Mu menerusi kudrat Mu serta aku minta pada Mu sebahagian dari limpah kurnia Mu yang sangat besar. Sesungguhnya Engkau amat berkuasa sedangkan aku tidak berkuasa, Engkau amat mengetahui sedangkan aku tidak mengetahui dan sesungguhnya Engkau amat mengetahui segala yang ghaib. Ya Allah kiranya Engkau mengetahui bahawa perkara ini (…sebutkan hajat..) adalah baik bagiku dalam urusan agama ku juga dalam urusan penghidupan ku serta natijah pada urusan ku, kini dan akan datang, maka tetapkan lah ia bagi ku dan permudahkanlah ia untukku, serta berkatilah daku padanya. Dan kiranya Engkau mengetahui bahawa perkara ini (…sebutkan hajat..) membawa kejahatan kepadaku dalam urusan agamaku, juga dalam urusan penghidupanku dan natijah urusanku, kini dan akan datang, maka elakkanlah ia dariku dan tetapkanlah kebaikan untukku sebagaimana sepatutnya, kemudian jadikanlah daku meredhainya. (Dari hadis riwayat Imam Bukhari)".
nurjeehan.wordpress.com
a bit of relief
Alhamdulillah...! i've secured 7% for Medical Microbiology.
tadi, pukul 9 ade quiz. BUT! this one was different from the conventional written quiz. it is a VIVA. what is Viva? basically, it's an oral quiz.
first time uh. we went into the tutorial room in our respective groups. so, mine was the first to go in today (about 5 groups already had the viva yesterday). bila dlm perjalanan gi sekolah, baru me teringat that it was open-book. ringan sikit.. tak pecah kepala nak hafal (actually, kat lecture notes sikit info.. tapi yang kat textbook tu yang susah nak digest).
pikir boleh duduk in any order.. rupa2nya, had to sit ikut registration number. so, i was first.. Ya Allah! gugup! mana taknya, semalam, farhana and the gang (as in, dia punye group) cakap susah.. application questions, quite unpredictable.
bila Dr Lee asked me the first question "describe the host defence", i was quite suprised. coz it was an easy, or shall i say, 'give-away', question. tapi tu lah, gugup punya pasal... jawapan tunggang terbalik.. and... selak2 notes cari answer. padahal, the answer was right in front of me.. boleh tak nampak. so, ade jugak points that i missed.
bila dgr soalan2 untuk my 4 other groupmates, boleh dikatakan mudah.. but i can understand why most couldnt answer correctly/completely. and then, Dr Lee gave feedback before he gave the 2nd questions. alhamdulillah.. i did ok. hmm.. ni part yang tak best jugak, sbb penyakit hati ni senang je nak dtg.. mendengarkan komen guru kat kawan2 yang lain.. hmm.. i tried to focus on reciting "rabbish rahli.." sbb silap2 Allah tarik ni'mat yang dah diberi, lantas i might not be able to answer later.
the next round. i thought he would ask from topic 2 'Diagnostic Methods'. ni yang seram sangat ni. dah pasrah uh soalan ape beliau nak bagi. sekali, dia tanya from topic 1 jugak.. "what are the different types of host-pathogen interactions" tapi kan! ni bukan medical microbiology tau. this is basic microbiology.. so it should've been general knowledge for us now. sayangnya, i CANT remember.. tak tahu ape nak jawab. normal flora, opportunistic pathogen, and a bit of stuff from textbook (haa.. this one terkeluar habis! coz that particular content wasnt talking exactly about host-pathogen interactions), tu yang me sebut. actually, sipi2 me ingat about the microbe harms the host, microbe and host benefit, lagi satu tak sure.. tapi me tak ingat the terms..
awkward jugak lah.. Dr Lee kasi hint.. "good and bad interactions". still tak leh nak kasi the exact answer. rase sedih jugak. tapi ianya cukup memberi kesedaran: this may be a kaffarah for a dosa i did just now, 3 hours ago, or yesterday..
at the end, i got 7 marks. gembira sgt2! sebab pikir i would get 5 or 4 marks. and 1 groupmate, he got 10 over 10. happy for him =)
as you can see, the viva has a high weightage. only 10 marks (2 questions x 5 marks), but it covers 10% of the OVERALL percentage for the subject. faham tak? 1 mark gone, 1% gone. so, for me, 7% secured dah cukup baik. coz i wont know how much of the balance percentage (90%, from assignments/term test/class participation) i will get.
once again, alhamdulillah~
tadi, pukul 9 ade quiz. BUT! this one was different from the conventional written quiz. it is a VIVA. what is Viva? basically, it's an oral quiz.
first time uh. we went into the tutorial room in our respective groups. so, mine was the first to go in today (about 5 groups already had the viva yesterday). bila dlm perjalanan gi sekolah, baru me teringat that it was open-book. ringan sikit.. tak pecah kepala nak hafal (actually, kat lecture notes sikit info.. tapi yang kat textbook tu yang susah nak digest).
pikir boleh duduk in any order.. rupa2nya, had to sit ikut registration number. so, i was first.. Ya Allah! gugup! mana taknya, semalam, farhana and the gang (as in, dia punye group) cakap susah.. application questions, quite unpredictable.
bila Dr Lee asked me the first question "describe the host defence", i was quite suprised. coz it was an easy, or shall i say, 'give-away', question. tapi tu lah, gugup punya pasal... jawapan tunggang terbalik.. and... selak2 notes cari answer. padahal, the answer was right in front of me.. boleh tak nampak. so, ade jugak points that i missed.
bila dgr soalan2 untuk my 4 other groupmates, boleh dikatakan mudah.. but i can understand why most couldnt answer correctly/completely. and then, Dr Lee gave feedback before he gave the 2nd questions. alhamdulillah.. i did ok. hmm.. ni part yang tak best jugak, sbb penyakit hati ni senang je nak dtg.. mendengarkan komen guru kat kawan2 yang lain.. hmm.. i tried to focus on reciting "rabbish rahli.." sbb silap2 Allah tarik ni'mat yang dah diberi, lantas i might not be able to answer later.
the next round. i thought he would ask from topic 2 'Diagnostic Methods'. ni yang seram sangat ni. dah pasrah uh soalan ape beliau nak bagi. sekali, dia tanya from topic 1 jugak.. "what are the different types of host-pathogen interactions" tapi kan! ni bukan medical microbiology tau. this is basic microbiology.. so it should've been general knowledge for us now. sayangnya, i CANT remember.. tak tahu ape nak jawab. normal flora, opportunistic pathogen, and a bit of stuff from textbook (haa.. this one terkeluar habis! coz that particular content wasnt talking exactly about host-pathogen interactions), tu yang me sebut. actually, sipi2 me ingat about the microbe harms the host, microbe and host benefit, lagi satu tak sure.. tapi me tak ingat the terms..
awkward jugak lah.. Dr Lee kasi hint.. "good and bad interactions". still tak leh nak kasi the exact answer. rase sedih jugak. tapi ianya cukup memberi kesedaran: this may be a kaffarah for a dosa i did just now, 3 hours ago, or yesterday..
at the end, i got 7 marks. gembira sgt2! sebab pikir i would get 5 or 4 marks. and 1 groupmate, he got 10 over 10. happy for him =)
as you can see, the viva has a high weightage. only 10 marks (2 questions x 5 marks), but it covers 10% of the OVERALL percentage for the subject. faham tak? 1 mark gone, 1% gone. so, for me, 7% secured dah cukup baik. coz i wont know how much of the balance percentage (90%, from assignments/term test/class participation) i will get.
once again, alhamdulillah~
Masih dalam Istikharah.. part deux
Okay, i know only 3 NI member/alumni who read my blog.. i dunno who else, baik direct members or know someone from NI, visits this blog.
and im going to talk about NI. and me. so, i hope you will keep this to yourself. thank you =)
this is going to be avery long post. and a few of you, after reading the conversation below, will know whom i was talking to.
---------------------------------------
senior says: Salam liyana!
she says: ws
senior says: haaa.. just so that u know, i wasnt the one who suggested that u vice chair NI tau!
senior says: hehe..
senior says: they came up with it on their own. and they told the alumni abt their plan of the comm.
she says: 'they' tu sape?
senior says: so we shared our views on it lorz.
senior says: the current comm.
she says: ohh
senior says: yupz yupz.
senior says: i only batu api kan lah kan.
senior says: bende yg baik tu kene rai kan =D
senior says: but of course, i was looking at the whole upcoming comm structure as a whole.
she says: hmmm... okay
i was starting to feel sad.. and was reminded that i still have 'something' on my shoulders.. i was sighing at that time. didn't know what to reply. didnt want to sound annoyed or falsely excited, or sad. so i just said "hmmm... okay"
senior says: Allah dah bagi tanda tanda ?
fuh~ direct sey tanya! macam teragak2 jugak nak jawab.
she says: klw tanda2 tu.... belom kot. tapi cakap hati... dah kot. tapi faktor luaran penting jugak to be considered.
senior says: sgt tepat!
senior says: tapi. tanda Allah tu mcm mcm tau.
she says: pokonyer, masih belum boleh kasi kata putus ah..
senior says: factor luaran tu pon boleh jadi tanda tanda.
she says: *pokoknyer
hmm.. klw tanda-tanda external, mcm mimpi ke (teringat satu bro pernah kata, "jgn tunggu mimpi!"hehe), or maybe terselak2 majalah nampak terjumpa sesuatu yang relate to NI ke, etc ah, tu memang takde kot.. atau diri sendiri sengaja tak nak akui. tapi klw tanda internal.. ade jugak.. more like an urge. bila fikir2, timbang2.. yes, that urge is there. tapi selalu dihalang oleh FAKTOR LUARAN.. nombor 1: my parents. betul lah.. i just cant imagine telling them about this request pon. sedangkan usrah dgn NI-ans pon i am always reluctant to ask for permission. *masalah besar uh*
senior says: tapi mcm kesian pulak eh. 1st da kene fikirkan ramadhan rocks.
she says: hmmm... tgh pikir jugak, if i dont take the position, sape2 lagi yang layak diketengahkan
senior says: pastu ingat dah lepas, skali ni dtg.
senior says: hehe
she says: yes!
she says: betOl sgt
memang tepat apa yang dikatakan.. bila shikin beritahu that me, her and marl are nominated for vice chair.. Ya Allah... susah hati ni. and i thought one is done and over with. coz RR, me dah tolak. cukuplah. tiba2, datang yang ini pula.. i really didnt know what to comment. diam je.. dalam kepala, dah pusing2: nak, tak nak, why this, why now, boleh ke, ayah, mak, SIP, amanah, masa, tenaga..
senior says: hahaha.
senior says: tu pon boleh jadi tanda tau.
senior says: =D
she says: yelah tu~
macam kelakar eh? padahal tak.
senior says: eh betol! i am not here 2 convince u to take up any position.
senior says: but have'nt u realised it yet?
oohh.. when i saw this sentence, felt like typing there and then, yes! i do realise it! tapi tak ah.. diam je dulu.. biar kasi senior cakap.
bila tengah timbang2, fikir2, memang terlintas dalam hati: all these opportunities.. RR, and now NI.. i tot i could run away. but, no. there must be something Allah has prepared for me to do.. tapi kenapa kau tak nak, liyana? sampai bila kau nak tolak? kau takut? kenapa kau mesti lihat ia sebagai satu dugaan yang terlalu besar? di mana liyana yang dulu? aku hairan, ke manakah hilangnya semangat dan kesungguhan engkau? dulu, masa dlm prisma, mcm2 benda kau nak buat.. mcm2 kau nak contribute. but now..?
senior says: y is it that u have been receiving soooo many invitations?
she says: soooo many? ape je
she says: 2 je.
i wasn't being sarcastic, okay. i was only thinking RR'08 and NI je..
senior says: -.-"
senior says: abeh last yr RR head tu ape.
she says: tu dah berzaman~
senior says: last yr kat NI pon u were asked to b part of the comm.
she says: eh?
she says: takde plak
senior says: ape plak dah berzaman. mcm lah liyana tu tua sgt.
senior says: alar. kan liyana reject jadi treasurer.
she says: oohh.. ye tak ye
senior says: okayyy liyana.
senior says: my main point is not that.
senior says: mmg kite mesti rendah diri lah.
senior says: dan tak perlu bagitau org kekuatan kite.
senior says: we do it thru our actions.
senior says: and yes, u may say u find someone else who is capable to take that position
senior says: but as a matter of fact, that person will nvr be liyana. u get wat i mean?
she says: yes, sir!
i think i know what my problem is: sampai sekarang, after whatever i've gone thru, i still dont know my strengths. i dont want to acknowledge them. ketua pengawas, pengerusi prisma, ketua ahlulquran, bendahari NI, ELF quartermaster, ketua RR'07.. you know what i saw? only mistakes, weakness, my failure to keep the amanah.. i want to be given the chance again.. but when i was, when i am, i just want to push them away. is this what they call low self-esteem? and yeah, i think im being too pessimistic. a disease. should get rid of it quickly, shouldn't i?
i remember, asking my RR'07 advisor, "what have you learnt from me?".. in fact, what has anyone learnt from me? i dont see myself as an inspiration, that unique liyana who nobody else can be, who's made any contribution, or change anyone's life. i think, if anyone did learn something from me, during RR'07 or in any situation, i'll fly.
senior says: currently, if all of u 3 accept the position, i c great things!
senior says: im not sure if i have shared with u this b4.
senior says: b4 i took up the challenge given to me to lead NI.
senior says: i was really reluctant seh.
senior says: i was saying to myself, "tk pe lah, kasi a----- jadi chairman"
senior says: but then i realise, that it was never abt the position.
senior says: it was abt the amanah of that position.
yes, amanah! oh God... THAT's the problem. pikirkan amanah yang bakal dipikul.. ditambah dgn amanah belajar yang memang sedang dipikul.. takut yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong (or gendong?) keciciran. pikirkan dosa yang menunggu jika tak jaga amanah.. pikir the people who are gonna be affected.
and knowing myself, takut amanah belajar tu yang slip more..
senior says: if u know u have a clear vision of what u want to achieve, share it with the rest.
senior says: if u want, TP Muslim students to feel that Muslim environment the BEST they can experience.
senior says: den i suggest, u take the position lah.
senior says: but if u r okay to leave it to "chance" , then u have other options.
senior says: think abt it. mayb for s--- u can say, nxt yr oso can.
senior says: or 2 yrs later pon boleh. hehe.
s--- eh? hmmm... actually, i dont consider myself a member. bukan sombong.. tidak! tapi, mcm tak layak gitu. jika dibandingkan dgn bros and sis yang dah lama kat situ. kite ni, baru je satu event involved sgn s---.
senior says: but for NI, this is ur last yr to give ur best.
senior says: and when u r in the comm that u can truly move things.
aaah.. my last year to contribute. yes, i thought about that too.
senior says: having said all that, i also understand u have concerns abt ur studies.
senior says: and parents kan.
senior says: abt studies ni, sape yg bagi kite semua masa nak buat bende2 ni semua?
senior says: Allah kan?
senior says: jadi insyaAllah, kalau kite berjuang kerana Allah, Allah tak akan hampakan kite.
senior says: pentinggggggggg skali. ikhlas.
she says: yes.
dalam hati: alahai~ betulnyeeerrr :'(
senior says: personally, once i made my decision, i wouldnt want anyone else to try 2 convince me to change my mind.
senior says: because, i know that i made that decision after factoring all the possibilities.
senior says: so, for u, i pray that Allah eases the process for u to decide.
senior says: and once u make that decision, i am sure it is for the best.
she says: thank you
and im going to talk about NI. and me. so, i hope you will keep this to yourself. thank you =)
this is going to be a
---------------------------------------
senior says: Salam liyana!
she says: ws
senior says: haaa.. just so that u know, i wasnt the one who suggested that u vice chair NI tau!
senior says: hehe..
senior says: they came up with it on their own. and they told the alumni abt their plan of the comm.
she says: 'they' tu sape?
senior says: so we shared our views on it lorz.
senior says: the current comm.
she says: ohh
senior says: yupz yupz.
senior says: i only batu api kan lah kan.
senior says: bende yg baik tu kene rai kan =D
senior says: but of course, i was looking at the whole upcoming comm structure as a whole.
she says: hmmm... okay
i was starting to feel sad.. and was reminded that i still have 'something' on my shoulders.. i was sighing at that time. didn't know what to reply. didnt want to sound annoyed or falsely excited, or sad. so i just said "hmmm... okay"
senior says: Allah dah bagi tanda tanda ?
fuh~ direct sey tanya! macam teragak2 jugak nak jawab.
she says: klw tanda2 tu.... belom kot. tapi cakap hati... dah kot. tapi faktor luaran penting jugak to be considered.
senior says: sgt tepat!
senior says: tapi. tanda Allah tu mcm mcm tau.
she says: pokonyer, masih belum boleh kasi kata putus ah..
senior says: factor luaran tu pon boleh jadi tanda tanda.
she says: *pokoknyer
hmm.. klw tanda-tanda external, mcm mimpi ke (teringat satu bro pernah kata, "jgn tunggu mimpi!"hehe), or maybe terselak2 majalah nampak terjumpa sesuatu yang relate to NI ke, etc ah, tu memang takde kot.. atau diri sendiri sengaja tak nak akui. tapi klw tanda internal.. ade jugak.. more like an urge. bila fikir2, timbang2.. yes, that urge is there. tapi selalu dihalang oleh FAKTOR LUARAN.. nombor 1: my parents. betul lah.. i just cant imagine telling them about this request pon. sedangkan usrah dgn NI-ans pon i am always reluctant to ask for permission. *masalah besar uh*
senior says: tapi mcm kesian pulak eh. 1st da kene fikirkan ramadhan rocks.
she says: hmmm... tgh pikir jugak, if i dont take the position, sape2 lagi yang layak diketengahkan
senior says: pastu ingat dah lepas, skali ni dtg.
senior says: hehe
she says: yes!
she says: betOl sgt
memang tepat apa yang dikatakan.. bila shikin beritahu that me, her and marl are nominated for vice chair.. Ya Allah... susah hati ni. and i thought one is done and over with. coz RR, me dah tolak. cukuplah. tiba2, datang yang ini pula.. i really didnt know what to comment. diam je.. dalam kepala, dah pusing2: nak, tak nak, why this, why now, boleh ke, ayah, mak, SIP, amanah, masa, tenaga..
senior says: hahaha.
senior says: tu pon boleh jadi tanda tau.
senior says: =D
she says: yelah tu~
macam kelakar eh? padahal tak.
senior says: eh betol! i am not here 2 convince u to take up any position.
senior says: but have'nt u realised it yet?
oohh.. when i saw this sentence, felt like typing there and then, yes! i do realise it! tapi tak ah.. diam je dulu.. biar kasi senior cakap.
bila tengah timbang2, fikir2, memang terlintas dalam hati: all these opportunities.. RR, and now NI.. i tot i could run away. but, no. there must be something Allah has prepared for me to do.. tapi kenapa kau tak nak, liyana? sampai bila kau nak tolak? kau takut? kenapa kau mesti lihat ia sebagai satu dugaan yang terlalu besar? di mana liyana yang dulu? aku hairan, ke manakah hilangnya semangat dan kesungguhan engkau? dulu, masa dlm prisma, mcm2 benda kau nak buat.. mcm2 kau nak contribute. but now..?
senior says: y is it that u have been receiving soooo many invitations?
she says: soooo many? ape je
she says: 2 je.
i wasn't being sarcastic, okay. i was only thinking RR'08 and NI je..
senior says: -.-"
senior says: abeh last yr RR head tu ape.
she says: tu dah berzaman~
senior says: last yr kat NI pon u were asked to b part of the comm.
she says: eh?
she says: takde plak
senior says: ape plak dah berzaman. mcm lah liyana tu tua sgt.
senior says: alar. kan liyana reject jadi treasurer.
she says: oohh.. ye tak ye
senior says: okayyy liyana.
senior says: my main point is not that.
senior says: mmg kite mesti rendah diri lah.
senior says: dan tak perlu bagitau org kekuatan kite.
senior says: we do it thru our actions.
senior says: and yes, u may say u find someone else who is capable to take that position
senior says: but as a matter of fact, that person will nvr be liyana. u get wat i mean?
she says: yes, sir!
i think i know what my problem is: sampai sekarang, after whatever i've gone thru, i still dont know my strengths. i dont want to acknowledge them. ketua pengawas, pengerusi prisma, ketua ahlulquran, bendahari NI, ELF quartermaster, ketua RR'07.. you know what i saw? only mistakes, weakness, my failure to keep the amanah.. i want to be given the chance again.. but when i was, when i am, i just want to push them away. is this what they call low self-esteem? and yeah, i think im being too pessimistic. a disease. should get rid of it quickly, shouldn't i?
i remember, asking my RR'07 advisor, "what have you learnt from me?".. in fact, what has anyone learnt from me? i dont see myself as an inspiration, that unique liyana who nobody else can be, who's made any contribution, or change anyone's life. i think, if anyone did learn something from me, during RR'07 or in any situation, i'll fly.
senior says: currently, if all of u 3 accept the position, i c great things!
senior says: im not sure if i have shared with u this b4.
senior says: b4 i took up the challenge given to me to lead NI.
senior says: i was really reluctant seh.
senior says: i was saying to myself, "tk pe lah, kasi a----- jadi chairman"
senior says: but then i realise, that it was never abt the position.
senior says: it was abt the amanah of that position.
yes, amanah! oh God... THAT's the problem. pikirkan amanah yang bakal dipikul.. ditambah dgn amanah belajar yang memang sedang dipikul.. takut yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong (or gendong?) keciciran. pikirkan dosa yang menunggu jika tak jaga amanah.. pikir the people who are gonna be affected.
and knowing myself, takut amanah belajar tu yang slip more..
senior says: if u know u have a clear vision of what u want to achieve, share it with the rest.
senior says: if u want, TP Muslim students to feel that Muslim environment the BEST they can experience.
senior says: den i suggest, u take the position lah.
senior says: but if u r okay to leave it to "chance" , then u have other options.
senior says: think abt it. mayb for s--- u can say, nxt yr oso can.
senior says: or 2 yrs later pon boleh. hehe.
s--- eh? hmmm... actually, i dont consider myself a member. bukan sombong.. tidak! tapi, mcm tak layak gitu. jika dibandingkan dgn bros and sis yang dah lama kat situ. kite ni, baru je satu event involved sgn s---.
senior says: but for NI, this is ur last yr to give ur best.
senior says: and when u r in the comm that u can truly move things.
aaah.. my last year to contribute. yes, i thought about that too.
senior says: having said all that, i also understand u have concerns abt ur studies.
senior says: and parents kan.
senior says: abt studies ni, sape yg bagi kite semua masa nak buat bende2 ni semua?
senior says: Allah kan?
senior says: jadi insyaAllah, kalau kite berjuang kerana Allah, Allah tak akan hampakan kite.
senior says: pentinggggggggg skali. ikhlas.
she says: yes.
dalam hati: alahai~ betulnyeeerrr :'(
senior says: personally, once i made my decision, i wouldnt want anyone else to try 2 convince me to change my mind.
senior says: because, i know that i made that decision after factoring all the possibilities.
senior says: so, for u, i pray that Allah eases the process for u to decide.
senior says: and once u make that decision, i am sure it is for the best.
she says: thank you
another alsagoffian!
yup, yup!
i was dang happy when i met nusaybah on the stairs at ITAS.. tengah turun tangga nak gi kantin 'Flavours' ah.
first week of school plak tu. tgh sorang2.. sekali, ternampak a familiar face! *sukerrrr*
never mind that she didnt go to TP from alsagoff.. she transferred to wak tanjong in... hmm.. tak ingat; sec 1 or 2, maybe.. and kita taklah rapat. but still, to finally have someone i know personally, in TP..
heh. k k.. dah tu je nak beritahu.. juniors dari madrasah lain ade uh.. so far, dah jumpe maarifians, arabiah-ians.. wak tanjong, mcm tak de gitu.nusaybah sorang je ah that i know.
i was dang happy when i met nusaybah on the stairs at ITAS.. tengah turun tangga nak gi kantin 'Flavours' ah.
first week of school plak tu. tgh sorang2.. sekali, ternampak a familiar face! *sukerrrr*
never mind that she didnt go to TP from alsagoff.. she transferred to wak tanjong in... hmm.. tak ingat; sec 1 or 2, maybe.. and kita taklah rapat. but still, to finally have someone i know personally, in TP..
heh. k k.. dah tu je nak beritahu.. juniors dari madrasah lain ade uh.. so far, dah jumpe maarifians, arabiah-ians.. wak tanjong, mcm tak de gitu.nusaybah sorang je ah that i know.
thick bloOd
I am officially a blood donor!
hah!
yupz.. i went for my first blood donation yesterday at masjid ghufran. dari woodlands ke tampines.. sanggup! sebab tak nak miss the opportunity.
sebenarnye, mase 1st year nak donate, during AS club blood donation drive. tapi tak eligible sebab weight kurang dari 45kg.
Alhamdulillah... ternyata, kali ni Allah izinkan.. coz on the way to tampines, rasa nervous jugak, takut2 tak eligible lagi, sebab low haemoglobin ke ape ke.. tapi, nekad jugak. klw tak elegible, hmm.. takpe lah..
bila sampai kat multipurpose hall tu, a senior told me kak maryam AR ade kat situ.. tgh donate blood. tercari2 jugak. hmm.. ade jugak teman =)
filled in the form... was given a cert of appreciation (padahal belOm start donate blood pon!).. checked by a doctor (the doctor himself was sick sey.. tak pakai mask! and he never took temperature reading, main letak 37degrees je!).. my left middle finger pricked (oh my Allah~ sakit uh.. i think it's because the needle is thicker than the one i used during TP Open House. kinda jakun+"ohh..ohh..guLp" when i saw my own blood. haha), to check for plasma iron level.. then waited for my turn to donate blood..
bila tgh tunggu tu, sempat jugak berbual dgn kak maryam.. dia ceritakan jugak camne feelingnyer derma darah.. alahai.. tibe2, semakin nervous plak diri nih~ mcm nak gi confront something Big.
yang tak bestnyer, i was seated beside seorang rajul melayu uh.. haiz~ tak boleh nak pusingkan kepala ke kanan..
k, anyway.. the nurse covered my legs with selimut.. ntah kenapa, takut sejuk kot! then... dia check my blood pressure.. the strap tu (i dunno what it's called. aiyo~ dah dua tahun jadi biomed student pon masih tak tahu! eeks~) dia tak tanggalkan, tapi dia suruh me picit2 the raindrop-shaped stress ball.. sebab nak naikkan lagi blood flow kat arm tu..
oh, yes, the victim was my left arm~
1st, the nurse cari my vein. i couldnt see the vein yang dia nak tu. i asked her (santai2 je) how many years of experience does she have. 3, she said. waah~ lama tu.. nampak sgt the art of phlebotomy dia dah master uh. oh, and she said, tak nampak vein pon, tapi boleh feel.
dah tu............
.
.
.
ape dia buat?
.
.
.
she injected anaesthesia.
where was i looking? i looked at my arm alright. nak tengok camne dia masukkan jarum. and memang boleh rasa saNGAt.. bila dia push the fluid into my vein.. rasa sakit uh..
bedek ah klw orang kata tak rasa ape2 pon!
i was told to keep clinching and unclinching the stress ball.
then... i waited. sebab the nurse gi ambil the blood bag. (or transfusion bag??)
rase mcm tak selesa jugak ah, sebab my left arm bare je.
oh, i remember, ade lagi satu nurse shared/advised that if i was scared, tak usah tgk kat lengan bila the blood is drawn. hmm.. nak tgk jugak! yes, inilah yang dinamakan jakun, plus, facing the teeny-weeny bit of fear yang dah cukup menyesakkan klw dilayan.
selepas beberapa minit.. the ultimate challenge finally came~ (hah! macam betOl je!). the nurse gantung the bag kat bahagian bawah tempat rest tangan.. check the position of my vein.. cari the small hole where the 1st injection was made, and masukkan the boleh-tahan-tebal needle into my vein.
waduh~~ rasa sey jarum tu cucuk my flesh. dah tu, boleh rasa the needle 'poke' my vein. tak sakit??? mane ade! sakit~ tapikan, bukan sgt2 sakit tau. cuma, the feeling tu, mcm 'oh-my-god!-the-needle's-in-me'.. saat dia dah masukkan tu, terus mcm terduduk.
ntahlah, tak tahu camne nak describe lagi. yang penting, bile masuk vein je, terus nampak darah flow inside the tube into the blood bag. waaah~ my blood.. *double jakun*
tak boleh nak duduk diam ah mase tgh derma darah tu. mcm nak duduk straight and look at my arm closely.. tapi tak leh, kena sandar kat 'stretcher' tu (or whatever you call it) and tak leh angkat tangan.
paham2 je lah.. jarum tu panjang gak. (eh, setengah depa tu berapa panjang?) silap2, tertembus the other side of the vein, parah plak.
hmm... so what did i do masa the blood was being drawn? baca leaflet yang nurse bagi.. tgk sana, tgk sini.. nampak nyzah jugak.. and one sister, knew her from RR'07.. she was in safety from NYP.. tak ingat ah namanye.. dia pon cam kite jugak.
oh, and i did imagine: camne agaknye klw orang kena stab? mesti rasenye lebih maha dahsyat dari apa yang kite rase. fuh~ seram sejuk bila terpikir perkara tu..
around 7-10minutes, dah selesai. oh, mase tgh draw blood tu, kena keep picit the stress ball.. jenuh dan lenguh dibuatnyer! the nurse then clipped around the middle of the tube. i think untuk stopkan flow into the blood bag. i was ready for another stinging feeling bila dia nak keluarkan jarum. tapi, tup tup, tahu2 je, the jarum was out. i think it's automatic or something.
put pressure.. kena tunggu lagik... at one point, the nurse placed the filled blood bag on my arm. alahai~ time ginilah, klw ade cameraphone kan bagus. boleh capture that moment sey..
alhamdulillah~ overall, i felt happy that i finally did what i wanted.. satisfied knowing my blood will save someone, inshaAllah.. 300mL je (or 450mL).. tapi dah cukup byk.. and i wish more people will donate. our blood bank ni sering kekurangan tau. mcm kidney jugak. kesian orang2 yang meninggal kerana menunggu kidney yang baru. as for myself, masih tgh pikir2 samada nak opt out of HOTA ke tidak..
selepas tu, the other nurse (yang kasi advice tu) balut lengan dgn.. hmm.. tak tahu what the thing is called. she gave me iron tablets, ferrous fumarate, to be consumed for 3 to 5 days.. to replenish my body iron. and fyi, this medicine causes constipation.
ok, it's done.
took a rest, had a drink and a bite, the nurse (the one who drew my blood) called to me asking if i was alright, coz i looked pale.. but maybe it was the lights.. after that, i stepped out of the multi-purpose hall.
hah!
yupz.. i went for my first blood donation yesterday at masjid ghufran. dari woodlands ke tampines.. sanggup! sebab tak nak miss the opportunity.
sebenarnye, mase 1st year nak donate, during AS club blood donation drive. tapi tak eligible sebab weight kurang dari 45kg.
Alhamdulillah... ternyata, kali ni Allah izinkan.. coz on the way to tampines, rasa nervous jugak, takut2 tak eligible lagi, sebab low haemoglobin ke ape ke.. tapi, nekad jugak. klw tak elegible, hmm.. takpe lah..
bila sampai kat multipurpose hall tu, a senior told me kak maryam AR ade kat situ.. tgh donate blood. tercari2 jugak. hmm.. ade jugak teman =)
filled in the form... was given a cert of appreciation (padahal belOm start donate blood pon!).. checked by a doctor (the doctor himself was sick sey.. tak pakai mask! and he never took temperature reading, main letak 37degrees je!).. my left middle finger pricked (oh my Allah~ sakit uh.. i think it's because the needle is thicker than the one i used during TP Open House. kinda jakun+"ohh..ohh..guLp" when i saw my own blood. haha), to check for plasma iron level.. then waited for my turn to donate blood..
bila tgh tunggu tu, sempat jugak berbual dgn kak maryam.. dia ceritakan jugak camne feelingnyer derma darah.. alahai.. tibe2, semakin nervous plak diri nih~ mcm nak gi confront something Big.
yang tak bestnyer, i was seated beside seorang rajul melayu uh.. haiz~ tak boleh nak pusingkan kepala ke kanan..
k, anyway.. the nurse covered my legs with selimut.. ntah kenapa, takut sejuk kot! then... dia check my blood pressure.. the strap tu (i dunno what it's called. aiyo~ dah dua tahun jadi biomed student pon masih tak tahu! eeks~) dia tak tanggalkan, tapi dia suruh me picit2 the raindrop-shaped stress ball.. sebab nak naikkan lagi blood flow kat arm tu..
oh, yes, the victim was my left arm~
1st, the nurse cari my vein. i couldnt see the vein yang dia nak tu. i asked her (santai2 je) how many years of experience does she have. 3, she said. waah~ lama tu.. nampak sgt the art of phlebotomy dia dah master uh. oh, and she said, tak nampak vein pon, tapi boleh feel.
dah tu............
.
.
.
ape dia buat?
.
.
.
she injected anaesthesia.
where was i looking? i looked at my arm alright. nak tengok camne dia masukkan jarum. and memang boleh rasa saNGAt.. bila dia push the fluid into my vein.. rasa sakit uh..
bedek ah klw orang kata tak rasa ape2 pon!
i was told to keep clinching and unclinching the stress ball.
then... i waited. sebab the nurse gi ambil the blood bag. (or transfusion bag??)
rase mcm tak selesa jugak ah, sebab my left arm bare je.
oh, i remember, ade lagi satu nurse shared/advised that if i was scared, tak usah tgk kat lengan bila the blood is drawn. hmm.. nak tgk jugak! yes, inilah yang dinamakan jakun, plus, facing the teeny-weeny bit of fear yang dah cukup menyesakkan klw dilayan.
selepas beberapa minit.. the ultimate challenge finally came~ (hah! macam betOl je!). the nurse gantung the bag kat bahagian bawah tempat rest tangan.. check the position of my vein.. cari the small hole where the 1st injection was made, and masukkan the boleh-tahan-tebal needle into my vein.
waduh~~ rasa sey jarum tu cucuk my flesh. dah tu, boleh rasa the needle 'poke' my vein. tak sakit??? mane ade! sakit~ tapikan, bukan sgt2 sakit tau. cuma, the feeling tu, mcm 'oh-my-god!-the-needle's-in-me'.. saat dia dah masukkan tu, terus mcm terduduk.
ntahlah, tak tahu camne nak describe lagi. yang penting, bile masuk vein je, terus nampak darah flow inside the tube into the blood bag. waaah~ my blood.. *double jakun*
tak boleh nak duduk diam ah mase tgh derma darah tu. mcm nak duduk straight and look at my arm closely.. tapi tak leh, kena sandar kat 'stretcher' tu (or whatever you call it) and tak leh angkat tangan.
paham2 je lah.. jarum tu panjang gak. (eh, setengah depa tu berapa panjang?) silap2, tertembus the other side of the vein, parah plak.
hmm... so what did i do masa the blood was being drawn? baca leaflet yang nurse bagi.. tgk sana, tgk sini.. nampak nyzah jugak.. and one sister, knew her from RR'07.. she was in safety from NYP.. tak ingat ah namanye.. dia pon cam kite jugak.
oh, and i did imagine: camne agaknye klw orang kena stab? mesti rasenye lebih maha dahsyat dari apa yang kite rase. fuh~ seram sejuk bila terpikir perkara tu..
around 7-10minutes, dah selesai. oh, mase tgh draw blood tu, kena keep picit the stress ball.. jenuh dan lenguh dibuatnyer! the nurse then clipped around the middle of the tube. i think untuk stopkan flow into the blood bag. i was ready for another stinging feeling bila dia nak keluarkan jarum. tapi, tup tup, tahu2 je, the jarum was out. i think it's automatic or something.
put pressure.. kena tunggu lagik... at one point, the nurse placed the filled blood bag on my arm. alahai~ time ginilah, klw ade cameraphone kan bagus. boleh capture that moment sey..
alhamdulillah~ overall, i felt happy that i finally did what i wanted.. satisfied knowing my blood will save someone, inshaAllah.. 300mL je (or 450mL).. tapi dah cukup byk.. and i wish more people will donate. our blood bank ni sering kekurangan tau. mcm kidney jugak. kesian orang2 yang meninggal kerana menunggu kidney yang baru. as for myself, masih tgh pikir2 samada nak opt out of HOTA ke tidak..
selepas tu, the other nurse (yang kasi advice tu) balut lengan dgn.. hmm.. tak tahu what the thing is called. she gave me iron tablets, ferrous fumarate, to be consumed for 3 to 5 days.. to replenish my body iron. and fyi, this medicine causes constipation.
ok, it's done.
took a rest, had a drink and a bite, the nurse (the one who drew my blood) called to me asking if i was alright, coz i looked pale.. but maybe it was the lights.. after that, i stepped out of the multi-purpose hall.
Masih dalam Istikharah..
and i thought one is done and over with.
i guess, these opportunities come to you, demanding your attention, sacrifice, commitment. waiting.
a weak servant that you are, you can only pray and put all your hopes and trust in Him. coz He knows what's best for you. and now you wait.
Ya Allah... please help me.
Yes, im holding on to that.
i guess, these opportunities come to you, demanding your attention, sacrifice, commitment. waiting.
a weak servant that you are, you can only pray and put all your hopes and trust in Him. coz He knows what's best for you. and now you wait.
Ya Allah... please help me.
"...But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth and ye know not."
Surah al-Baqarah:216
Yes, im holding on to that.
sape pandai-pandai grab??
ish, tak puas hati uh.. i just found out, that ade seorang rajul grabbed my picture from friendster. klw perempuan tak pe ah.. kawan sendiri pe..
jadi, bila nampak nama 'Muhammad Maliki Ibnu Muhammad' as one of the 8 people who grabbed my photos.. terus rasa mystified.
k, kena sangka baik. mungkin dia ambil gambar yang 'general' punyer.. the ones that have quotes/words of wisdom.
jadi, bila nampak nama 'Muhammad Maliki Ibnu Muhammad' as one of the 8 people who grabbed my photos.. terus rasa mystified.
k, kena sangka baik. mungkin dia ambil gambar yang 'general' punyer.. the ones that have quotes/words of wisdom.
masuk tahun ke-tiga
sungguh, aku belum bersedia untuk menghadapi tahun tiga.
dan aku sudah pun merasakan tekanannya!
hmm.. the same groupmates for ALL 5 modules (aka subjects) for the WHOLE year. k, im ok with that. jadi tak pening cari lain2 orang untuk projek/tugasan yang lain.
BUT!
yang buat aku gerun, nervous, mcm-nak-break down, ialah aku dinamakan sebagai ketua kumpulan. a haste decision, i would say. sbb we were the last few people to write our names on a piece of paper. and each group must choose a leader.
quan jun dah sah2 volunteer dirinya, tapi ada satu member yang tak nak dia jadi. *tak tahu kenapa*. tup tup, yours truly yang jadi. hmmm... aku amat berharap quan jun tak kecil hati.
sebenarnya, ada jugak keinginan untuk menjadi ketua kumpulan. for once. coz since it's my last year, i thought the responsibility will be good for me - that is, will help me regain control of lazy myself and keep me motivated to learn more, to ask more.
BUT!
bila fikir bahawa this grouping is PERmaNENT, terbayang dalam kepala ni betapa BESARNYA tanggungjawab yang akan dipikul! whole year's group assignments, for all subjects.. jangan jangan, Major Projectnyer grouping pon kena jadi ketua (ohh!! i hope not) - bermakna, aku mesti berusaha untuk menjaga kebajikan kawan2, motivate them, jaga amanah, lead by example, hmm.. apa2 yang seorang ketua patut laksanakan lah..
seram.. dah lah aku ni bukan pelajar contoh (tutorials tak buat! datang lecture lambat! assignments.. setakat ok2 je..)
hmm.. i should focus more on the positive side.. ni peluang yang Allah berikan untuk kau, liyana! masakan kau tak tahu! masakan kau tak nak gunakan peluang ni sebaik2nya! this is an opportunity, not a burden! nor is it a punishment.
teringat kata2 ayah pagi semalam - liyana mesti tunjukkan kebolehan liyana sebagaimana kat alsagoff dulu.. this is your last year.. either you make it, or break it!
ya, liyana, kau tak boleh nafikan, kau sebenarnya mampu..
Ya Allah... mudahkanlah..
dan aku sudah pun merasakan tekanannya!
hmm.. the same groupmates for ALL 5 modules (aka subjects) for the WHOLE year. k, im ok with that. jadi tak pening cari lain2 orang untuk projek/tugasan yang lain.
BUT!
yang buat aku gerun, nervous, mcm-nak-break down, ialah aku dinamakan sebagai ketua kumpulan. a haste decision, i would say. sbb we were the last few people to write our names on a piece of paper. and each group must choose a leader.
quan jun dah sah2 volunteer dirinya, tapi ada satu member yang tak nak dia jadi. *tak tahu kenapa*. tup tup, yours truly yang jadi. hmmm... aku amat berharap quan jun tak kecil hati.
sebenarnya, ada jugak keinginan untuk menjadi ketua kumpulan. for once. coz since it's my last year, i thought the responsibility will be good for me - that is, will help me regain control of lazy myself and keep me motivated to learn more, to ask more.
BUT!
bila fikir bahawa this grouping is PERmaNENT, terbayang dalam kepala ni betapa BESARNYA tanggungjawab yang akan dipikul! whole year's group assignments, for all subjects.. jangan jangan, Major Projectnyer grouping pon kena jadi ketua (ohh!! i hope not) - bermakna, aku mesti berusaha untuk menjaga kebajikan kawan2, motivate them, jaga amanah, lead by example, hmm.. apa2 yang seorang ketua patut laksanakan lah..
seram.. dah lah aku ni bukan pelajar contoh (tutorials tak buat! datang lecture lambat! assignments.. setakat ok2 je..)
hmm.. i should focus more on the positive side.. ni peluang yang Allah berikan untuk kau, liyana! masakan kau tak tahu! masakan kau tak nak gunakan peluang ni sebaik2nya! this is an opportunity, not a burden! nor is it a punishment.
teringat kata2 ayah pagi semalam - liyana mesti tunjukkan kebolehan liyana sebagaimana kat alsagoff dulu.. this is your last year.. either you make it, or break it!
ya, liyana, kau tak boleh nafikan, kau sebenarnya mampu..
Ya Allah... mudahkanlah..
pakai make-up?
tiba-tiba je ade mood nak blog. bukan nak ceritakan pengalaman di KL, atau the long-overdue TKD competition, tapi nak share pendapat.. dapat ilham dari blog seorang kakak =)
yup, kite memang setuju: mesti bersih, cantik dan presentable, sebab setiap saat Dia melihat kita.
tapikan, klw bab pakai make-up ni.. maaf ye, kite tak pandai dlm hal2 ni, jadi ape yang kite cakap, semua based on persepsi kite yang dhaif dan cetek ni..
hmm.. kite kadang2 sedih tgk adik2 yang sibuk berhias sana sini.. okaylah, paling simple, pakai eyeliner. perlu ke..? PERLU KE..?
dik, kak, awak pakai ni sebab nak lelaki pandang ke? maaf sangat2! kite bukan menuduh, kite tanye betol2 ni. sebab nak sangat tahu motif di sebalik awak pakai eyeliner..
kalau tak pakai, mata nampak bengkak? nampak kuyu? eyebag lebih obvious? hmmm... klw gitu, awak risau penampilan awak orang comment?
dik, kak, kite bukan apa, tapi rasanya, paling penting, mata kita ni takde tahi mata. tu yang aib, kan, klw orang nampak?
biarlah mata kita kelihatan semula jadi.. bengkak, mata kuyu, eyebag, usah dirisaukan... dik, kak, awak perasan tak yang consciousness about how your eyes, your face looks tu syaitan cuba bisik2kan?
klw beri alasan, saye dah lama pakai... klw tak pakai, mcm tak sah gitu.. insecure gitu..
dik, kak.. it's been years you've had that mindset.. it's been ingrained in you.. tapi adik and kakak tahu kan, semua tu boleh diubah kepada yang lebih baik?
yang kite pernah dgr, sunnah Nabi pakai celak waktu sebelum tidur. so, ape cerita nak pakai eyeliner gi sekolah?
make-up pergi mane2 pon, tak perlu kot.
sebenarnye kan, kite kagum dgn kakak2 dan adik2 yang tak pakai make-up bila keluar rumah.. sebab terbukti, mereka kelihatan natural... just beautiful the way they are.. awak tak percaya?
hmm.. mungkin, awak fikir, kite ni jenis yang tak tahu menilai penampilan fizikal, maklumlah, kite ni tak reti soal make-up, tak cerewet. tapi tak! kite rasa, ape yang kite lihat tu betul lah! bukan nak ambil hati mereka, atau berpura2..
apa pun, kite tetap dgn pendirian kite: kite suka sekali lihat kawan2 kite tak pakai make-up.. hmm.. if only they know how beautiful, how totally okay they look, without having to put on bedak, celak, eyeshadow, foundation, yada yada..
oh, tak lupa juga, kan LECEH setiap kali selepas ambil wudhu', nak pakai make-up lagi.. haiz~ tak tahu ape nak cakap..
tak usah TABARRUJ! TAK USAH!
dik, kak... pandangan siapa yang kita nak? siapa sebenarnya yang kita nak impress?
mendapat pandangan Allah tu lebih mahal dari pandangan sape2... tu sebenarnya yang kita kena kejarkan..
buat kawan2, adik2, dan kakak2 kite,
kite bukan nak marah awak,
nak malukan awak,
nak action baik,
tapi kite cuma nak luahkan perasaan kite je..
kite nak jugak nasihatkan awak..
kite nak yang terbaik untuk awak..
hmmm... cakap pasal bedak, k, kite tak leh nak sangkal, bagi sesetengah orang, bedak boleh help serikan wajah yang nampak penat, etc etc.. tapi tgk jenis bedak lah ye? tipis2 je pakai, tak usah nak tebal2 plak.
heran~ heran~
klw ade yang soal: klw gi majlis camne? jalan hari raye ke.. makan malam ke.. graduation day ke.. DnD ke.. date ke.. takkan tak nak pakai make-up kottt??
haaa.. tu kite malas nak jawab. jawapan kite sama je dgn ape yang kite tulis kat atas.
kalau jadi pengantin? tu pasti perlukan make-up lah kan?
tu soalan cepumas! sampai skrg, kite pon tak pasti.. bingung jugak biler fikir kalau time kite nye turn kahwin. sebenarnye, kite ade terfikir, boleh tak pengantin tak yah pakai make-up, walau secalit pon? agaknye, pelik tak citarasa kite ni?
seganlah biler pikir rijal and orang luar nampak kite berhias. segan sangat2!
okaylah, kite rase dah cukup panjang dah pendapat kite ni..
pendek kata:
GO SIMPLE!
oh, and bagi sape2 yang berpendapat pakai make-up tu menunjukkan 'bersih, cantik and presentable', please eh, cuba fikir dalam2 balik. klw tak dapat nak fikir gak, takpe, contact kite. kite sedia membantu.
k, sekian. terima kasih.
yup, kite memang setuju: mesti bersih, cantik dan presentable, sebab setiap saat Dia melihat kita.
tapikan, klw bab pakai make-up ni.. maaf ye, kite tak pandai dlm hal2 ni, jadi ape yang kite cakap, semua based on persepsi kite yang dhaif dan cetek ni..
hmm.. kite kadang2 sedih tgk adik2 yang sibuk berhias sana sini.. okaylah, paling simple, pakai eyeliner. perlu ke..? PERLU KE..?
dik, kak, awak pakai ni sebab nak lelaki pandang ke? maaf sangat2! kite bukan menuduh, kite tanye betol2 ni. sebab nak sangat tahu motif di sebalik awak pakai eyeliner..
kalau tak pakai, mata nampak bengkak? nampak kuyu? eyebag lebih obvious? hmmm... klw gitu, awak risau penampilan awak orang comment?
dik, kak, kite bukan apa, tapi rasanya, paling penting, mata kita ni takde tahi mata. tu yang aib, kan, klw orang nampak?
biarlah mata kita kelihatan semula jadi.. bengkak, mata kuyu, eyebag, usah dirisaukan... dik, kak, awak perasan tak yang consciousness about how your eyes, your face looks tu syaitan cuba bisik2kan?
klw beri alasan, saye dah lama pakai... klw tak pakai, mcm tak sah gitu.. insecure gitu..
dik, kak.. it's been years you've had that mindset.. it's been ingrained in you.. tapi adik and kakak tahu kan, semua tu boleh diubah kepada yang lebih baik?
yang kite pernah dgr, sunnah Nabi pakai celak waktu sebelum tidur. so, ape cerita nak pakai eyeliner gi sekolah?
make-up pergi mane2 pon, tak perlu kot.
sebenarnye kan, kite kagum dgn kakak2 dan adik2 yang tak pakai make-up bila keluar rumah.. sebab terbukti, mereka kelihatan natural... just beautiful the way they are.. awak tak percaya?
hmm.. mungkin, awak fikir, kite ni jenis yang tak tahu menilai penampilan fizikal, maklumlah, kite ni tak reti soal make-up, tak cerewet. tapi tak! kite rasa, ape yang kite lihat tu betul lah! bukan nak ambil hati mereka, atau berpura2..
apa pun, kite tetap dgn pendirian kite: kite suka sekali lihat kawan2 kite tak pakai make-up.. hmm.. if only they know how beautiful, how totally okay they look, without having to put on bedak, celak, eyeshadow, foundation, yada yada..
oh, tak lupa juga, kan LECEH setiap kali selepas ambil wudhu', nak pakai make-up lagi.. haiz~ tak tahu ape nak cakap..
tak usah TABARRUJ! TAK USAH!
dik, kak... pandangan siapa yang kita nak? siapa sebenarnya yang kita nak impress?
mendapat pandangan Allah tu lebih mahal dari pandangan sape2... tu sebenarnya yang kita kena kejarkan..
buat kawan2, adik2, dan kakak2 kite,
kite bukan nak marah awak,
nak malukan awak,
nak action baik,
tapi kite cuma nak luahkan perasaan kite je..
kite nak jugak nasihatkan awak..
kite nak yang terbaik untuk awak..
hmmm... cakap pasal bedak, k, kite tak leh nak sangkal, bagi sesetengah orang, bedak boleh help serikan wajah yang nampak penat, etc etc.. tapi tgk jenis bedak lah ye? tipis2 je pakai, tak usah nak tebal2 plak.
heran~ heran~
klw ade yang soal: klw gi majlis camne? jalan hari raye ke.. makan malam ke.. graduation day ke.. DnD ke.. date ke.. takkan tak nak pakai make-up kottt??
haaa.. tu kite malas nak jawab. jawapan kite sama je dgn ape yang kite tulis kat atas.
kalau jadi pengantin? tu pasti perlukan make-up lah kan?
tu soalan cepumas! sampai skrg, kite pon tak pasti.. bingung jugak biler fikir kalau time kite nye turn kahwin. sebenarnye, kite ade terfikir, boleh tak pengantin tak yah pakai make-up, walau secalit pon? agaknye, pelik tak citarasa kite ni?
seganlah biler pikir rijal and orang luar nampak kite berhias. segan sangat2!
okaylah, kite rase dah cukup panjang dah pendapat kite ni..
pendek kata:
GO SIMPLE!
oh, and bagi sape2 yang berpendapat pakai make-up tu menunjukkan 'bersih, cantik and presentable', please eh, cuba fikir dalam2 balik. klw tak dapat nak fikir gak, takpe, contact kite. kite sedia membantu.
k, sekian. terima kasih.
april updates
1. today's farhana's birthday! fyi, she's my classmate in TP, the only other madrasah alumni in biomedical science batch 2006/2009. yeah!
2. work is good. lately i've been using the pc a lot. meaning, straining my eyes. and there isnt any good view outside the window. but.... i like the place.. not many people. except for mondays to wednesdays, the place is peaceful. cuma.. kadang2 rasa macam nak tido. alahai~ tempting betol ah sofa kat volunteers room tu!
3. went to KL last thursday (3 april) til saturday (5 april). naik keretapi! first time~ suker lah jugak. tapi, bila kat dlm keretapi tu, asyik tgk jam, bila lah nak sampai KL sentral. heh. btw, it wasnt a family trip. guess!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
went with adilah and nafisah! and..... met up with kak ummu and afeyah kat KL. yessa!
k, ceritanya panjang. cut short, highlights of the short trip are Pertosains at KLCC and....
KL International Book Fair 2008 at PWTC ^_^
4. gi majlis walimah bro hafiz mustaffa and kak khairiah on 29 march. i like the lime green theme colour... or is it soft green? ntah lah..
anyway, biler tgh dok makan baru me perasan satu lagu... bukan ape, ade satu lirik tu yang caught my attention: "istri cerdik yang solehah" and... terngiang2 sampai dah kat rumah.
haaaa... teka lirik lagu ape tuh??
tak tahu?
oohhhh... dlm post lain, me beritahu k. hehe!
k, rasanye tu je buat mase nih.
last but not least, kite rinduuuuu kat kawan2 kat syria!! rindu kat ust sakinah jugak!
and.... rindu kat kawan2 alsagoff...! insha Allah, kita jumpa kat simpang bedok eh!
2. work is good. lately i've been using the pc a lot. meaning, straining my eyes. and there isnt any good view outside the window. but.... i like the place.. not many people. except for mondays to wednesdays, the place is peaceful. cuma.. kadang2 rasa macam nak tido. alahai~ tempting betol ah sofa kat volunteers room tu!
3. went to KL last thursday (3 april) til saturday (5 april). naik keretapi! first time~ suker lah jugak. tapi, bila kat dlm keretapi tu, asyik tgk jam, bila lah nak sampai KL sentral. heh. btw, it wasnt a family trip. guess!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
went with adilah and nafisah! and..... met up with kak ummu and afeyah kat KL. yessa!
k, ceritanya panjang. cut short, highlights of the short trip are Pertosains at KLCC and....
KL International Book Fair 2008 at PWTC ^_^
4. gi majlis walimah bro hafiz mustaffa and kak khairiah on 29 march. i like the lime green theme colour... or is it soft green? ntah lah..
anyway, biler tgh dok makan baru me perasan satu lagu... bukan ape, ade satu lirik tu yang caught my attention: "istri cerdik yang solehah" and... terngiang2 sampai dah kat rumah.
haaaa... teka lirik lagu ape tuh??
tak tahu?
oohhhh... dlm post lain, me beritahu k. hehe!
k, rasanye tu je buat mase nih.
last but not least, kite rinduuuuu kat kawan2 kat syria!! rindu kat ust sakinah jugak!
and.... rindu kat kawan2 alsagoff...! insha Allah, kita jumpa kat simpang bedok eh!
'cause it's us against the world
rasanya, dlm banyak2 boyband, i like westlife the most. not the guys, ya! im talking about the songs.. and mark's singing voice. subhanallah~
plus, they're not too high-profile, banyak scandal ke ape ke.. and they are still standing tall..
so, baru2 ni, terdengar abang bukak lagu baru westlife kat pc.. sedap ah..
liriknye pon, cukup bermakna!
Us against the world
Against the world
Us against the world
Against the world
You and I, we’ve been at it so long
I still got the strongest fire
You and I, we still know how to talk
Know how to walk that wire
Sometimes I feel like
The world is against me
The sound of your voice, baby
That's what saves me
When we're together I feel so invincible
Cause it's us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight
Us against the world
Against the world
There’ll be days
We’ll be on different sides but
That doesn’t last too long
We find ways to get it on track
And know how to turn back on
Sometimes I feel
I can’t keep it together
Then you hold me close
And you make it better
When I’m with you
I can feel so unbreakable
Cause it's us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight
We’re not gonna break
Cause we both still believe
We know what we’ve got
And we’ve got what we need alright
We’re doing something right
Cause it's us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight
Us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Us against the world
Yeah it’s Us against the world, baby
Us against the world
Tonight
Us against the world
Against the world
Us against the world
and, when i saw the music video, i realise that the song is about them, westlife. hmmm... the years they've been together, the friendship, hardships and happy times.. aahh... i guess this song is relevant for many people out there =)
sorry, the video-embedding function has been disabled. you can still view the video at youtube though. click here.
plus, they're not too high-profile, banyak scandal ke ape ke.. and they are still standing tall..
so, baru2 ni, terdengar abang bukak lagu baru westlife kat pc.. sedap ah..
liriknye pon, cukup bermakna!
Us against the world
Against the world
Us against the world
Against the world
You and I, we’ve been at it so long
I still got the strongest fire
You and I, we still know how to talk
Know how to walk that wire
Sometimes I feel like
The world is against me
The sound of your voice, baby
That's what saves me
When we're together I feel so invincible
Cause it's us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight
Us against the world
Against the world
There’ll be days
We’ll be on different sides but
That doesn’t last too long
We find ways to get it on track
And know how to turn back on
Sometimes I feel
I can’t keep it together
Then you hold me close
And you make it better
When I’m with you
I can feel so unbreakable
Cause it's us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight
We’re not gonna break
Cause we both still believe
We know what we’ve got
And we’ve got what we need alright
We’re doing something right
Cause it's us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight
Us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Us against the world
Yeah it’s Us against the world, baby
Us against the world
Tonight
Us against the world
Against the world
Us against the world
and, when i saw the music video, i realise that the song is about them, westlife. hmmm... the years they've been together, the friendship, hardships and happy times.. aahh... i guess this song is relevant for many people out there =)
sorry, the video-embedding function has been disabled. you can still view the video at youtube though. click here.
gambar-gambar lama uh part 2
im currently looking in a bunch of CD-RWs to find some pictures for a a friend of mine. and... and i found gambar2 lama.. aaahh~ memories.. buat gue tersenyum2 sendiri! heh.
tgh beratur nak ambil cert
some of us =) nampak me tak?? haaa.. Missing-In-Action on my graduation day.
the spongebob banner that KKIK (Kelab Kempen Ilmiyah dan Kreativiti) PRISMA made for Arabic Week.
sec4 team - the tukang buat bunyi
sec4 team - the tukang nyanyi. i like lagu arab yang korang bawak.. rentaknya diambil dari lagu Dia Kekasih Allahh (by Hijjaz), senikatanya dari satu sajak.. sampai sekarang me tak tahu sajak ape..
PRISMA Orientation Camp. tgh time makan.. and fyi, the room is called 'Domestic Room', where pada zaman dahulu kala, kakak2 menengah belajar masak (way before my time in sec), and it's where peraduan memasak during National Day Celebration is held (tak tahu klw sampai skrg peraduan tu still ada ke tak)..
Alsagoff and Chong Boon. during Bahas Piala Berita Harian 2005. unpleasant debating memory for me~
National Day Celebration. Sec4 performance. eh, Hajrah jadi siape eh?? leftenan adnan ke?
K, ni time NDC dah selesai.. dewan dah dikemas.. orang2 pon ramai dah balik. ape lagi, dok dlm kelas, makan! heh. i remembered, ustaz or ustazah ade lalu, cepat2 kita cover makanan, tunjuk muka innocent. kwang, kwang, kwang~
Ni some of us tgh bukak the red plastic yang cover the lights. i liked the reddish light effect. and i still do believe our Sec4 design crew did a GOOD JOB!
and fyi, carpet tu kan, is where kita solat jamaah ramai2. and the back part was where we had our exams. and so.. bila takde keje, some of us lepak2 kat atas carpet, or buat hall tu macam playground! aiseyman, happening~!
Cikgu Suhana with Maisarah. tgh jolok mangga. Yes! kat luar kelas kita (Sec4) ada pokok mangga. adelah kita-kita semangat turun ke tingkat satu, ade jugak ke tingkat tiga (hall) semata2 nak dapatkan mangga ^.^
kat computer room, known to us as AVA Room, with Abidah (left) and Amira. terserempak Amira last two weeks gitu. suker! Abidah plak... dah lamaaa tak jumpe. apa khabar agaknye dia sekarang?
takde keje~ heh. seriously, it was the last day of school.. rata2 kita semua tak bawak buku sekolah (mungkin ade segelintir yang bawak kot.. as for me, i brought buku Biology, sebab that day ade Bio exam kat Institute of Science)..
my table mates!! suker, suker, suker sgt dok semeja dgn diorang~!! oh ya~ computer kat belakang tu, baru me teringat.. that sometimes ade jugak me gunekan, takde internet ah..
[oops, gambar kena delete sebab ade part, yang kalau ade rajul perasan, memang tak sesuai]
kat dalam toilet -_-" tgh emo ah.. heh. kenangan sey, bergambar dlm toilet. fyi, toilet ni, known as 'toilet biru', is usually where 'kakak2' go ah.. klw toilet sebelah ('toilet pink') selalunye adik2 primary gunekan. cakap pasal toilet, teringat plak time kita-kita kena cuci toilet. macam2 karenah! tapi meriah~
so-called 'budak-budak kiut sec4'. hehe~
dgn teacher ain, our computer class teacher. kat sinilah, comp class is conducted, as well as, where students surf the net (teringat yang budak2 selalu bukak friendster. tgh hot ah time tu~).
one of our many poses.. kat belakang tu, Ms Habeebah, english teacher. (oh, and we had english class on our last day of school. *mMmMmMMMmmm*) last time i heard, beliau mengajar kat Irsyad.
me and my brother. tell me the truth, do i \pass for a boy??
tgh beratur nak ambil cert
some of us =) nampak me tak?? haaa.. Missing-In-Action on my graduation day.
the spongebob banner that KKIK (Kelab Kempen Ilmiyah dan Kreativiti) PRISMA made for Arabic Week.
sec4 team - the tukang buat bunyi
sec4 team - the tukang nyanyi. i like lagu arab yang korang bawak.. rentaknya diambil dari lagu Dia Kekasih Allahh (by Hijjaz), senikatanya dari satu sajak.. sampai sekarang me tak tahu sajak ape..
PRISMA Orientation Camp. tgh time makan.. and fyi, the room is called 'Domestic Room', where pada zaman dahulu kala, kakak2 menengah belajar masak (way before my time in sec), and it's where peraduan memasak during National Day Celebration is held (tak tahu klw sampai skrg peraduan tu still ada ke tak)..
Alsagoff and Chong Boon. during Bahas Piala Berita Harian 2005. unpleasant debating memory for me~
National Day Celebration. Sec4 performance. eh, Hajrah jadi siape eh?? leftenan adnan ke?
K, ni time NDC dah selesai.. dewan dah dikemas.. orang2 pon ramai dah balik. ape lagi, dok dlm kelas, makan! heh. i remembered, ustaz or ustazah ade lalu, cepat2 kita cover makanan, tunjuk muka innocent. kwang, kwang, kwang~
Ni some of us tgh bukak the red plastic yang cover the lights. i liked the reddish light effect. and i still do believe our Sec4 design crew did a GOOD JOB!
and fyi, carpet tu kan, is where kita solat jamaah ramai2. and the back part was where we had our exams. and so.. bila takde keje, some of us lepak2 kat atas carpet, or buat hall tu macam playground! aiseyman, happening~!
Cikgu Suhana with Maisarah. tgh jolok mangga. Yes! kat luar kelas kita (Sec4) ada pokok mangga. adelah kita-kita semangat turun ke tingkat satu, ade jugak ke tingkat tiga (hall) semata2 nak dapatkan mangga ^.^
kat computer room, known to us as AVA Room, with Abidah (left) and Amira. terserempak Amira last two weeks gitu. suker! Abidah plak... dah lamaaa tak jumpe. apa khabar agaknye dia sekarang?
takde keje~ heh. seriously, it was the last day of school.. rata2 kita semua tak bawak buku sekolah (mungkin ade segelintir yang bawak kot.. as for me, i brought buku Biology, sebab that day ade Bio exam kat Institute of Science)..
my table mates!! suker, suker, suker sgt dok semeja dgn diorang~!! oh ya~ computer kat belakang tu, baru me teringat.. that sometimes ade jugak me gunekan, takde internet ah..
[oops, gambar kena delete sebab ade part, yang kalau ade rajul perasan, memang tak sesuai]
kat dalam toilet -_-" tgh emo ah.. heh. kenangan sey, bergambar dlm toilet. fyi, toilet ni, known as 'toilet biru', is usually where 'kakak2' go ah.. klw toilet sebelah ('toilet pink') selalunye adik2 primary gunekan. cakap pasal toilet, teringat plak time kita-kita kena cuci toilet. macam2 karenah! tapi meriah~
so-called 'budak-budak kiut sec4'. hehe~
dgn teacher ain, our computer class teacher. kat sinilah, comp class is conducted, as well as, where students surf the net (teringat yang budak2 selalu bukak friendster. tgh hot ah time tu~).
one of our many poses.. kat belakang tu, Ms Habeebah, english teacher. (oh, and we had english class on our last day of school. *mMmMmMMMmmm*) last time i heard, beliau mengajar kat Irsyad.
me and my brother. tell me the truth, do i \pass for a boy??
sakitnya hati......!!!!
sakit sangat!
penat ah, dgn hati yang sakit ni.
sakit dgn penyakit fitnah hati!
Ya Allah.. kuatkanlah.. kuatkanlah..
Aku belum bersedia..
muda-muda begini, aku patut fikir tentang pelajaran.. tentang ibu bapa..
kadang-kadang rasa macam, alangkah baiknya kalau kahwin cepat-cepat~
tenang sikit hati ni.
urgh!
kenapa eh, aku boleh dilanda ujian ni??
mujahadah ni terasa susah.... lama sangat..
bila nak berakhir?
padahal, belum pun setahun..
dan aku tak boleh lari..
lainlah kalau aku belajar di luar negeri.
eh, tak sabarnya nak belajar kat luar negeri~
hmmmm...
Ya Allah.. aku tidak mahu cemarkan hati ni dengan sesuatu yang memabukkan..
melalaikan... menyeksakan!
Ya Allah.. ku mohon pertolonganMu..
Leraikanlah kekusutan ini..
rasa diri ni kotor nah...
diri kotor, hati sakit -
Astaghfirullah.. Astaghfirullah..
sakit sangat!
penat ah, dgn hati yang sakit ni.
sakit dgn penyakit fitnah hati!
Ya Allah.. kuatkanlah.. kuatkanlah..
Aku belum bersedia..
muda-muda begini, aku patut fikir tentang pelajaran.. tentang ibu bapa..
kadang-kadang rasa macam, alangkah baiknya kalau kahwin cepat-cepat~
tenang sikit hati ni.
urgh!
kenapa eh, aku boleh dilanda ujian ni??
mujahadah ni terasa susah.... lama sangat..
bila nak berakhir?
padahal, belum pun setahun..
dan aku tak boleh lari..
lainlah kalau aku belajar di luar negeri.
eh, tak sabarnya nak belajar kat luar negeri~
hmmmm...
Ya Allah.. aku tidak mahu cemarkan hati ni dengan sesuatu yang memabukkan..
melalaikan... menyeksakan!
Ya Allah.. ku mohon pertolonganMu..
Leraikanlah kekusutan ini..
rasa diri ni kotor nah...
diri kotor, hati sakit -
Astaghfirullah.. Astaghfirullah..
quick updates
1. alhamdulillah... i've got a part-time job. 5 days a week. but i need to find another work, probably.. weekend ah..
2. volunteered to teach ngaji at dotdotdot wink at ust sakinah - yup, ustaz dah call.. and turned out that he is ust zauwiah's adik! what a smaaaallll world!!
3. do you know that there's KL international bookfair on 3-14 april, at PWTC?? you dont? well, now im telling ya! currently trying to make plans with adilah to go there and to ajak other alsagoff friends along.
4. wont be in singapore from this friday to sunday.. doakan ana selamat pergi dan selamat pulang ye?
5. went to NI usrah last friday "Ciri-Ciri Wanita Solehah".. it was the best NI usrah yet!!
6. two weddings this month: kak afia and bro hafiz mustaffa. *throws confetti* know them both from saff.
k, itu sahaje..
2. volunteered to teach ngaji at dotdotdot wink at ust sakinah - yup, ustaz dah call.. and turned out that he is ust zauwiah's adik! what a smaaaallll world!!
3. do you know that there's KL international bookfair on 3-14 april, at PWTC?? you dont? well, now im telling ya! currently trying to make plans with adilah to go there and to ajak other alsagoff friends along.
4. wont be in singapore from this friday to sunday.. doakan ana selamat pergi dan selamat pulang ye?
5. went to NI usrah last friday "Ciri-Ciri Wanita Solehah".. it was the best NI usrah yet!!
6. two weddings this month: kak afia and bro hafiz mustaffa. *throws confetti* know them both from saff.
k, itu sahaje..
A Silver (part zero)
IVP story coming up...
dont have the mood and energy to write.. i know it's gonna be one long post.. but at the same time, i want to record the feelings i felt during the whole competition..
hmm... later ah..
post-competition fatigue.. badan rasa sengal2.. and sebab penat ni kan, malas pulak nak pikir ape2.
k, i wanna eat my all-time fav snack: milo n biskut.
bye!
dont have the mood and energy to write.. i know it's gonna be one long post.. but at the same time, i want to record the feelings i felt during the whole competition..
hmm... later ah..
post-competition fatigue.. badan rasa sengal2.. and sebab penat ni kan, malas pulak nak pikir ape2.
k, i wanna eat my all-time fav snack: milo n biskut.
bye!
"Kenangilah akhawat-akhawat kita yang telah berusaha untuk menjadikan
ahlulquranPTS sebagai tempat untuk memujahadahkan diri. Kenangilah usaha
Halimah, Liyana, Mardhiya, dan ustazah Mariam (dan juga mereka-mereka yang tidak ana sebutkan namanya di sini) yang mana mereka adalah insan yang telah banyak berkorban untuk AhlulquranPTS."
tak, ustazah, ana tak banyak berkorban untuk ahlulquran..
ana gagal untuk infaqkan sebaiknya masa dan tenaga untuk ahlulquran..
ana rasa seperti seorang hipokrit bila membaca tulisan ustazah tu..
hati ni menangis, mengenangkan diri yang tak bersungguh-sungguh melaksanakan amanah..
tak, ana tak layak untuk disenaraikan bersama barisan akhawat yang telah lebih banyak berkorban, menyumbang, dan berusaha untuk menghidupkan ahlulquran..
dan ini bukan ungkapan yang mengikut emosi semata-mata..
"Orang yang ikhlas ialah orang yang menyembunyikan kebaikannya sebagaimana ia menyembunyikan kejahatannya."
sms from kak hafizah NI, 18 feb 2008
terima kasih kak..!
thinking of the meaning of it.. trying to reflect.
how i'd like to becomelike (just) that.
*************
a senior once said, "... tawadhu' tu kena tempat boleh?"
ok, saya paham yang ianya bukan satu statement serius.... was i hurt when i heard (or shall i say, saw it appear on the pc screen) that?
hmmm... im not sure. maybe not. how about now? not so sure, either.
im thinking now.. tawadhu' tu kena bertempat eh? tak boleh all the time? kan hati ni kena dijaga selalu. kalau boleh, tak nak bagi timbul ape2 perasaan mazmumah. awak ingat pujian tu tak berbekas dlm hati seseorang, walau pujian tu sepintas lalu? ikhlas, tak ikhlas, si penerima telah pun mendengarnya. and awak ingat ape? senang nk imbangi the thin line between jadi rendah diri dgn bangga diri? awak pikir senang ke nak mujahadah? hati manusia ni sensitif.
hmmmm... that senior also said, "shuttup la liyana.."
saya tahu ianya satu gurauan. tapi terperanjat jugak sebab dengan selamba dia boleh kata gitu. hmmm... alangkah baiknya jika dia dapat memperbaiki lagi cara mu'amalahnya dengan perempuan, baik face-to-face atau chat atau sebagainya.
**************
saya nak jadi tawadhu' tak kira masa tak kira tempat, boleh tak?
saya nak jadi ikhlas, boleh tak?
klw saya nak sembunyikan kebaikan saya, awak boleh tolong jangan heboh2kan?
klw saya cakap, "oh.. i didnt do much.." boleh tak awak berikan respon yang dapat membina jiwa muslim, dapat membantu saya bentuk peribadi muslim (for example, encourage me to be tawadhu' consistently, or a reminder about sifat tawadhu', jadi saya semakin suka nak merendah diri)?
hmmm... saya pon nak jadi seorang yang zuhud 'aniddunya, boleh tak?
susah kan?
hmmmm... kena mujahadah ni..
lagi satu, "merendah diri" kat sini bukanlah bermaksud 'tunduk kepala.. tak nak cakap dgn orang.. tak voice out opinion.. segan2 nak contribute.. and whatnot'.. awak semua terpelajar kan? jadi, saya harap awak faham konsep tawadhu'/rendah diri yang saya tulis kat sini.
sekian, terima kasih =)
sms from kak hafizah NI, 18 feb 2008
terima kasih kak..!
thinking of the meaning of it.. trying to reflect.
how i'd like to become
*************
a senior once said, "... tawadhu' tu kena tempat boleh?"
ok, saya paham yang ianya bukan satu statement serius.... was i hurt when i heard (or shall i say, saw it appear on the pc screen) that?
hmmm... im not sure. maybe not. how about now? not so sure, either.
im thinking now.. tawadhu' tu kena bertempat eh? tak boleh all the time? kan hati ni kena dijaga selalu. kalau boleh, tak nak bagi timbul ape2 perasaan mazmumah. awak ingat pujian tu tak berbekas dlm hati seseorang, walau pujian tu sepintas lalu? ikhlas, tak ikhlas, si penerima telah pun mendengarnya. and awak ingat ape? senang nk imbangi the thin line between jadi rendah diri dgn bangga diri? awak pikir senang ke nak mujahadah? hati manusia ni sensitif.
hmmmm... that senior also said, "shuttup la liyana.."
saya tahu ianya satu gurauan. tapi terperanjat jugak sebab dengan selamba dia boleh kata gitu. hmmm... alangkah baiknya jika dia dapat memperbaiki lagi cara mu'amalahnya dengan perempuan, baik face-to-face atau chat atau sebagainya.
**************
saya nak jadi tawadhu' tak kira masa tak kira tempat, boleh tak?
saya nak jadi ikhlas, boleh tak?
klw saya nak sembunyikan kebaikan saya, awak boleh tolong jangan heboh2kan?
klw saya cakap, "oh.. i didnt do much.." boleh tak awak berikan respon yang dapat membina jiwa muslim, dapat membantu saya bentuk peribadi muslim (for example, encourage me to be tawadhu' consistently, or a reminder about sifat tawadhu', jadi saya semakin suka nak merendah diri)?
hmmm... saya pon nak jadi seorang yang zuhud 'aniddunya, boleh tak?
susah kan?
hmmmm... kena mujahadah ni..
lagi satu, "merendah diri" kat sini bukanlah bermaksud 'tunduk kepala.. tak nak cakap dgn orang.. tak voice out opinion.. segan2 nak contribute.. and whatnot'.. awak semua terpelajar kan? jadi, saya harap awak faham konsep tawadhu'/rendah diri yang saya tulis kat sini.
sekian, terima kasih =)
not in the pattern team, ey..
"Erm.. No.. Dis yr our batch only me, janice n yanning going for pattern team.."
"Okay. So, no reserve member?"
"Nope.. Coz the other focusing on sparring.. Yup.. N u haf missed training for too long oredi.."
"Yup.. I agree to that. Thanks for telling me, ------. And im glad that i asked, coz if not, i may not have taken é hint n may be in the dark all é time. I truly appreciate ur honesty. All é best to you girls! Make us proud yea! =)"
"Okie.. Thanks a lot.. Sry to keep you waiting.. N all the best for your sparring too."
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
on a more positive note, you may want to check these videos out. some impressive taekwondo moves.. *make me wish i can do that!*
taekwondo KO
taekwondo best knockouts *main kepala ke per*
taekwondo super kick vol. 1 *it's all about stamina and speed~*
taekwondo super kick vol. 2 *it's about instinct and agility, people!*
definition: inside look - taekwondo WTF world championship #1 *perasan ada muslimah pakai tudung tak? fuyo~ salute! salute! oh.. ade budak2 jugak. they do pattern ah.. takkan nak lawan kot.*
definition: inside look - taekwondo WTF world championship #2 *this is for those of you who want to know how the sparring competition works*
click here to watch 2006 world poosae (pattern) competition female 14-18yrs old individual bronze, silver n gold medallists.
click here for another pattern competition, female, group category. i like the 2nd pattern from the gold medallists.
"Okay. So, no reserve member?"
"Nope.. Coz the other focusing on sparring.. Yup.. N u haf missed training for too long oredi.."
"Yup.. I agree to that. Thanks for telling me, ------. And im glad that i asked, coz if not, i may not have taken é hint n may be in the dark all é time. I truly appreciate ur honesty. All é best to you girls! Make us proud yea! =)"
"Okie.. Thanks a lot.. Sry to keep you waiting.. N all the best for your sparring too."
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
on a more positive note, you may want to check these videos out. some impressive taekwondo moves.. *make me wish i can do that!*
taekwondo KO
taekwondo best knockouts *main kepala ke per*
taekwondo super kick vol. 1 *it's all about stamina and speed~*
taekwondo super kick vol. 2 *it's about instinct and agility, people!*
definition: inside look - taekwondo WTF world championship #1 *perasan ada muslimah pakai tudung tak? fuyo~ salute! salute! oh.. ade budak2 jugak. they do pattern ah.. takkan nak lawan kot.*
definition: inside look - taekwondo WTF world championship #2 *this is for those of you who want to know how the sparring competition works*
click here to watch 2006 world poosae (pattern) competition female 14-18yrs old individual bronze, silver n gold medallists.
click here for another pattern competition, female, group category. i like the 2nd pattern from the gold medallists.
hmmm...
ayah tak izinkan gi usrah esok. sebabnya: it's at night. 'nanti liyana balik pukul 11 malam..'
bila tanya ayah tu, i said, 'klw tak boleh, ayah cakap je.' sebab ayah ni suka cakap panjang2 dulu.. tak straight to the point.. tapi selalunya, dari body language dan cakapnya yang panjang tu, boleh diketahui samada ayah redha ke tak. and i usually say, 'klw ayah tak kasi/klw tak boleh, pon takpe'.
i mentioned, 'tajuknya: understanding the mind of terrorists' and beri detailnye sekali: kat rumah bro ishak from NYPMS, kat hougang, dekat dgn masjid Istiqamah, anjuran Nur Ikhwan, selalunya usrah dgn sisters je, tapi this time mixed..
ok, so, when i got the red light, i added, 'sebenarnya ade dua event, tapi liyana tanye satu je.' then i told him about Sapphite. 'Sapphite tu Saff Appreciation Tea untuk Saff volunteers' and i gave the detail.
'tu ok.. sebab siang..... balik siang-sianglah..'
alhamdulillah~ ^_^
sebenarnya, i prefer going to usrah dari appreciation tea tu. lebih bermanfaat ye tak? plus, siang-siang me dah imbang2kan untuk tak gi event tu. mcm tak layak plak nak gi. tak kenal sgt most of the people there nanti..
tapi, takpe. pastinya ada sesuatu yang baik yang boleh me bawak balik, insha Allah~
bila tanya ayah tu, i said, 'klw tak boleh, ayah cakap je.' sebab ayah ni suka cakap panjang2 dulu.. tak straight to the point.. tapi selalunya, dari body language dan cakapnya yang panjang tu, boleh diketahui samada ayah redha ke tak. and i usually say, 'klw ayah tak kasi/klw tak boleh, pon takpe'.
i mentioned, 'tajuknya: understanding the mind of terrorists' and beri detailnye sekali: kat rumah bro ishak from NYPMS, kat hougang, dekat dgn masjid Istiqamah, anjuran Nur Ikhwan, selalunya usrah dgn sisters je, tapi this time mixed..
ok, so, when i got the red light, i added, 'sebenarnya ade dua event, tapi liyana tanye satu je.' then i told him about Sapphite. 'Sapphite tu Saff Appreciation Tea untuk Saff volunteers' and i gave the detail.
'tu ok.. sebab siang..... balik siang-sianglah..'
alhamdulillah~ ^_^
sebenarnya, i prefer going to usrah dari appreciation tea tu. lebih bermanfaat ye tak? plus, siang-siang me dah imbang2kan untuk tak gi event tu. mcm tak layak plak nak gi. tak kenal sgt most of the people there nanti..
tapi, takpe. pastinya ada sesuatu yang baik yang boleh me bawak balik, insha Allah~
clips from the kite runner
'For you a thousand times over!'
'The Kite Gift'
fyi: in the book, hassan got something else for his birthday, not a kite.
'There is a way to be good again.'
'I don't want to forget anymore.'
and sami yusuf's Supplication is the background music for the scene below. i was pleasantly suprised when i heard it, coz it is like a sort of international recognition.. plus, the lyrics are meaningful, fit into the scene nicely.. i hope at least someone out there will be touched by them.
'The Kite Gift'
fyi: in the book, hassan got something else for his birthday, not a kite.
'There is a way to be good again.'
'I don't want to forget anymore.'
and sami yusuf's Supplication is the background music for the scene below. i was pleasantly suprised when i heard it, coz it is like a sort of international recognition.. plus, the lyrics are meaningful, fit into the scene nicely.. i hope at least someone out there will be touched by them.
Oxford, oh~ Oxford!
Assalamualaikum wbt,
Saya berasal dari Kuala Lumpur, sekarang mengaji di University of Oxford dalam bidang Perundangan, insya-Allah tamat pengajian Jun 2009. Sebelum ini, saya berjuang bersama-sama Shafie, Izwan, Faris, dan lain-lain di Kolej Yayasan UEM, dua tahun yang penuh nikmat dan pengajarannya.
Mitos
Oxford memang banyak mitosnya, dan salah satu mitos yang perlu dihapuskan serta-merta ialah tanggapan bahawa lebih susah untuk mendapat tempat di Oxford berbanding dengan Cambridge. Sama sahaja sebenarnya – masalahnya, oleh sebab jauh lebih ramai pelajar memilih untuk memohon tempat di Cambridge, maka tak hairanlah terdapatnya lebih ramai pelajar Malaysia di Cambridge berbanding dengan Oxford! Kalau dah berazam nak datang, jangan hiraukan statistiknya – pohon sahaja, dan tawakal kepada Allah.
Sistem Pengajian
Dari segi pembelajaran, semestinya Oxford memberikan suasana dan taraf pembelajaran yang memang susah untuk ditandingi. Sebagai seorang pelajar perundangan di Oxford, setiap minggu, saya diberikan senarai kes-kes dan artikel untuk dibaca - amnya, setiap senarai akan mengambil masa lebih kurang 30 jam untuk dihabiskan. Kami cuba mengurangkan penggunaan buku teks, dan menggunakan bahan asal, iaitu kes dan jurnal, supaya kami tidak terlalu dipengaruhi oleh pendapat penulis-penulis buku teks, dan lebih bebas untuk membuat kesimpulan kami sendiri. Selepas habis membaca bahan untuk suatu minggu itu, dan betul-betul memahaminya, kami akan menulis karangan yang telah ditetapkan untuk minggu tersebut. Selalunya, karangan ini akan membolehkan kami menyuarakan pendapat dan kesimpulan kami sendiri tentang satu isu yang penting berkaitan topik yang dipelajari pada minggu itu.
Setiap minggu, akan ada perbincangan dengan guru – selalunya lebih kurang sejam, dan biasanya dengan seorang lagi pelajar, ataupun seorang diri dengan guru. Dalam perbincangan inilah idea-idea dan kesimpulan yang telah kami dapat setelah membaca bahan yang disarankan dapat disalurkan, dibahaskan, dan diuji keutuhannya, sehinggalah guru pasti bahawa kami telah betul-betul memahami topik untuk minggu tersebut. Memang menarik, memang seronok, dan amatlah memberangsangkan – selagi kami ada kes ataupun artikel dan hujah yang logik, walaupun guru mungkin tidak bersetuju dengan kesimpulan kami, tetapi masih lagi diterima – begitulah kebebasan yang diberi untuk berfikir. Inilah aspek yang paling menarik tentang pembelajaran di Oxford – kami dihumbankan ke dalam kegelapan, dan diberi pelita dalam bentuk pembacaan dan perbincangan mingguan, tetapi jalan yang akan kami ambil, dan destinasi yang akan kami sampai, bebas untuk kami carikan sendiri.
Islam di Oxford
Salah seorang ulama yang terulung di Oxford, Sheikh Afifi-al Akiti, pernah menyifatkan pengajian di Oxford sebagai meneruskan tradisi pengajian yang dipelopori oleh madrasah-madrasah Islam yang ulung pada zaman kegemilangan Islam. Bayangkan, dalam setiap satu daripada 39 kolej di Oxford, dikumpulkan sarjana-sarjana dari pelbagai bidang, dan pelajar yang datang untuk menuntut pelbagai bidang juga, dan dalam suasana ini, dibolehkan perbincangan, perdebatan, dan perkongsian antara manusia yang berbagai-bagai bidang dan pengalamannya – inilah keunikan Oxford, dan salah satu sebab utama untuk anda memilih untuk meneruskan pengajian di sini.
Oxford sememangnya diberikan baraqah dari Allah s.w.t., dengan adanya sarjana-sarjana Islam yang bersama menegakkan keilmuan Islam di Oxford Centre of Islamic Studies. Pada satu masa dahulu, pusat ini merupakan bumbung untuk Orientalis – sekarang, gedung ilmu yang merupakan nikmat Allah untuk setiap pelajar Muslim. Bayangkan, perpustakaannya yang penuh dengan karya-karya terulung sarjana-sarjana Islam, ahli-ahlinya sibuk mendalami karya-karya Ibnu Taymiyyah, al-Ghazali, dan ramai
lagi, dalam usaha membawa keilmuan Islam yang tiada bandingannya untuk dunia yang teramatlah memerlukannya, bangunan baru yang tersergam indah, dengan masjid yang akan melaungkan azan merentas menara-menara Oxford buat pertama kalinya, insya-Allah, bermula awal 2008. Di sinilah menetapnya salah seorang ulama Malaysia yang paling berpotensi, seorang sarjana Islam yang penuh dengan ilmu dari zaman agung keilmuan Islam, yang dapat membawa tulisan Imam Syafie, Imam Nawawi, Al-Ghazali ke dalam kehidupan harian kita pada hari ini, dan mencari jawapan kepada persoalan-persoalan umat Islam pada hari ini tanpa meninggalkan ilmu yang telah dikumpulkan ulama-ulama sepanjang 1400 tahun perkembangan Islam – mahir dalam Bahasa Arab mahupun Latin, al-Ghazali mahupun Thomas Aquinas, seorang guru yang sentiasa tawaduk dan rendah diri, halus dan berbudi bahasa, bak kata pepatah, semakin berisi padi, semakin tunduknya ia.
Oxford University Islamic Society satu keluarga kedua – dari iftar setiap malam Ramadhan, ke solat Jumaat dan usrah setiap minggu, program-program untuk memperkenalkan Islam kepada sahabat-sahabat yang bukan Muslim, juga peringatan untuk mereka yang sudahpun Muslim. Oxford University Malaysia Club akan membantu dari hari pertama, satu jaringan pelajar baik-baik belaka, yang tidak pernah melepaskan kesempatan mengadakan majlis makan-makan, dan mengusahakan Malaysia Night setiap tahun. Abang-abang dan kakak-kakak pasca-ijazah, dengan tahlil dan tazkirah setiap tiga minggu, makanan Malaysia yang dapat mengurangkan sedikit rindu dan pilu, keluarga baru untuk bermesra dan bersalam-salaman pada Hari Raya di perantauan jauh, rumah terbuka untuk mengeratkan silaturrahim dan mengisi perut yang teringin makanan dari bumi sendiri. Dari segi masyarakat Malaysia dan Islam, janganlah risau buat sesaat pun.
Masa Lapang
Di luar masa akademik, memang tak akan habis pilihannya. Mungkin bekerja, tiga jam seminggu, menyediakan makanan untuk insan-insan yang tidak berumah? Mungkin berdiri, dua jam seminggu, di jalan yang paling sibuk di Oxford, berkempen untuk rakyat Palestin yang menderita? Mungkin memegang secawan teh setiap minggu, membincangkan diri, dunia, dan kehidupan di pejabat Oxford Muse? Menghadiri syarahan-syarahan perdana yang tidak pernah terhenti – pakar ekonomi, pakar perundangan, ahli politik, saintis-saintis, ulama dan sarjana – asalkan mencari, pasti dijumpa. Mengajar Bahasa Inggeris kepada anak pelarian dari negara yang menderita? Bermain badminton, skuasy, bola sepak, atau mungkin mengayuh? Asalkan ada kemahuan, di Oxford, pasti ada jalannya.
Bandar
Bandarnya teramatlah cantik – penuh dengan bangunan lama yang tersergam indah, diselitkan dengan taman-taman yang sentiasa membawa ucapan Subhanallah! ke lidah yang kagum dengan kebesaran ciptaan Allah s.w.t. Makanan halal tak perlu dirisaukan –
Nando’s yang halal, KFC yang halal, restoran-restoran India, empat kedai sandwic yang halal, kedai kebab setiap 500 m, restoran Itali yang halal pun ada! Dan kalau nak jimat, makanlah makanan vegetarian yang dihidangkan dalam kolej, ataupun masak sendiri pun boleh – lima penjual daging halal berniaga di Oxford, semuanya di jalan yang sama.
Saya rasa itulah, sedikit-sebanyak, yang boleh saya kongsi tentang Oxford University. Untuk seorang pelajar Muslim, saya rasa memang selesa dan betul-betul sesuai, jika hendak mengaji di sini. Jangan pedulikan mitos, jangan pedulikan suara-suara yang mengatakan bahawa untuk anda masuk Oxford itu mustahil – jika teringin mencuba, kuatkan azam, dapatkan ‘straight A’s’, sediakan diri untuk temuduga, dan berdoalah kepada Allah s.w.t., jika ditakdirkan anda sampai ke ‘the city of dreaming spires’, saya mengalu-alukan kedatangan anda. Kalau nak tahu lebih banyak tentang proses permohonan, kolej mana nak dipilih, dan hal-hal praktikal sedemikian, silalah hubungi saya.
Jika ada sebarang persoalan, hubungilah saya:
hizami.mohdiskandar@magd.ox.ac.uk
Insya-Allah, kita akan bertemu, pada satu masa dan tempat yang dipilih Allah s.w.t.
Wassalam,
Hizami
diambil dari http://www.iluvislam.com/v1/readarticle.php?article_id=634
hmm.... nak gi Oxford.. nak gi sangat..! tapi, saye bukan A student, apatahlagi straight A student.. :'( macam mane eh? ade harapan ke..? macam takde gitu.. perbelanjaannye pon, saye tak mampu.. alahai.. sedihnye saye pikirkan perkare ni..
restless
im restless because exams are looming nearer. TWO MORE WEEKS, my dear!
and also because i messed up few quizzes, a presentation, and my image as a student (remember ddct?)
and also because im having mixed feelings about going to tkd trainings. and this time, it's more prone to not going to training anymore.
let's see.. positive matters and happy news that i'd like to share with you:
1. went to kak hidayati n bro rizal's nikah ceremony at ba'alwie mosque last saturday. suker!!
btw, i think masjid ba'alwie is not so accessible. nasih baik gue follow my guts to alight from the bus. right at the last minute, tau! klw tidak.. haiz.. tak tahu lah berapa jauh the next bustop is! and i wonder if it has a place for muslimah yang ma'zurah to sit eh? i didnt know where to sit, so i sat at the edge of the muslimah praying corner, right at its entrance. and most of the time, i stood. hmm.. ape hukumnye eh? i know kalau lintas je boleh. tapi klw stood for more than 30 minutes (coz i wanted to watch the akad, and take pictures of the bride and groom)..?
ooohhh... and another thing i'd like to admit: i actually thought bro rizal dah kahwin. oopppss! betul.. mati2 ingatkan dia dah kahwin, and dah ade anak. huhu.. kak hidayati, if you ever read this post.. afwan sgt2! jgn ambil hati ye? i think i got the impression when i attended a particular meeting at saff centre. bro rizal was there, bro hafiz, bro mohksin, kak hidayati and kak aishah were there.. yup, could've been a vmd meet. waduh~ rasa bersalah sey.. =(
and... kak hidayati looked beautiful!! i think the make-up is nice (sorry for the lack of a better word).. i mean, it's not the mak-andam type. paham tak? plus, i dont usually comment on people's make-up ok? so, i really mean what i said.
2. im now taking arabic class.. with ustaz iskandar.. haa.. klw yang belajar kat wehdah dulu tahu lah siape dia.. or yang belajar kat tampines north cc. it feels really good to be learning arabic again - an arabic book, or sheet, in front of you, and you are busy putting the 'syakl' and scribbling the meaning of the words.
semalam, i went to masjid raudhah with kak aminah (from nypms). dia ajak gi kelas 'cara solat rasulullah s.a.w.' by ustaz hamzah jumat. gunekan buku 'sifatu solatinnabi' karangan syeikh nasiruddin albani.
bila masuk kelas tu, my eyes quickly laid upon few makciks yang pakai niqab (dalam hati: waahh~). that aside, the class is in english. bukan sahaja bapa2, pakcik2, abang2, makcik2 melayu yang ada, tetapi juga indians. klw chinese or caucasian or eurasian, takde kot.
and what i learnt from yesterday's class was that there are 6 ways of reciting tasyahhud.
3. semalam jugak, kakak datang rumah.. kakak nak tgk my tkd pics. fuyo, segan sey.. sebab i dont have a lot of pictures and takde apa yang nak ditunjuk pon. plus, bukannya me bagus sgt (though i didnt say it out loud). at last, tunjuk video pattern yang bersejarah tu (sebab mak dah mention that i have a video). embarrassed sey! kakak kata, liyana ni sajak jadi ustazah ke.. pensyarah ke.. hehe.. tergelak jugak bila kakak cakap camtu.. adelah lagi comment2 dia. ape-ape je lah, kakak ni! ditambah pula dgn komen ayah dgn mak. haiz~ padahal sebenarnya, takde ape yang perlu dibesar2kan.
4. im currently reading the kite runner. watched the movie already, online. mengusik jiwa, movie tu! of friendship, betrayal, undying loyalty.. of potrayal of the life in afghanistan. i watched with an objective mind ah.. regarding the potrayal of taliban and such. coz to me, these are just snippets of how afghanistan is, and how it was. it may not be entirely accurate, but definitely not a lie, but i accept it as something that could have been, and is, happening.
for you a thousand times over.. kecewa jugak coz character hassan takde mase dewasa.. cerita ni diceritakan seolah2 ianya kejadian sebenar.. and if the adult hassan was alive, and that he and amir were reunited at last, i would have cried!! letter yang hassan hantar kat amir pon mengharukan.
ok, friends! i strongly recommend you to read and watch the kite runner.
and yes, i find the visual representation of the book satisfying. worth it.
*inhale.. exhale..* looking forward to the chinese new year holiday~
and also because i messed up few quizzes, a presentation, and my image as a student (remember ddct?)
and also because im having mixed feelings about going to tkd trainings. and this time, it's more prone to not going to training anymore.
let's see.. positive matters and happy news that i'd like to share with you:
1. went to kak hidayati n bro rizal's nikah ceremony at ba'alwie mosque last saturday. suker!!
btw, i think masjid ba'alwie is not so accessible. nasih baik gue follow my guts to alight from the bus. right at the last minute, tau! klw tidak.. haiz.. tak tahu lah berapa jauh the next bustop is! and i wonder if it has a place for muslimah yang ma'zurah to sit eh? i didnt know where to sit, so i sat at the edge of the muslimah praying corner, right at its entrance. and most of the time, i stood. hmm.. ape hukumnye eh? i know kalau lintas je boleh. tapi klw stood for more than 30 minutes (coz i wanted to watch the akad, and take pictures of the bride and groom)..?
ooohhh... and another thing i'd like to admit: i actually thought bro rizal dah kahwin. oopppss! betul.. mati2 ingatkan dia dah kahwin, and dah ade anak. huhu.. kak hidayati, if you ever read this post.. afwan sgt2! jgn ambil hati ye? i think i got the impression when i attended a particular meeting at saff centre. bro rizal was there, bro hafiz, bro mohksin, kak hidayati and kak aishah were there.. yup, could've been a vmd meet. waduh~ rasa bersalah sey.. =(
and... kak hidayati looked beautiful!! i think the make-up is nice (sorry for the lack of a better word).. i mean, it's not the mak-andam type. paham tak? plus, i dont usually comment on people's make-up ok? so, i really mean what i said.
2. im now taking arabic class.. with ustaz iskandar.. haa.. klw yang belajar kat wehdah dulu tahu lah siape dia.. or yang belajar kat tampines north cc. it feels really good to be learning arabic again - an arabic book, or sheet, in front of you, and you are busy putting the 'syakl' and scribbling the meaning of the words.
semalam, i went to masjid raudhah with kak aminah (from nypms). dia ajak gi kelas 'cara solat rasulullah s.a.w.' by ustaz hamzah jumat. gunekan buku 'sifatu solatinnabi' karangan syeikh nasiruddin albani.
bila masuk kelas tu, my eyes quickly laid upon few makciks yang pakai niqab (dalam hati: waahh~). that aside, the class is in english. bukan sahaja bapa2, pakcik2, abang2, makcik2 melayu yang ada, tetapi juga indians. klw chinese or caucasian or eurasian, takde kot.
and what i learnt from yesterday's class was that there are 6 ways of reciting tasyahhud.
3. semalam jugak, kakak datang rumah.. kakak nak tgk my tkd pics. fuyo, segan sey.. sebab i dont have a lot of pictures and takde apa yang nak ditunjuk pon. plus, bukannya me bagus sgt (though i didnt say it out loud). at last, tunjuk video pattern yang bersejarah tu (sebab mak dah mention that i have a video). embarrassed sey! kakak kata, liyana ni sajak jadi ustazah ke.. pensyarah ke.. hehe.. tergelak jugak bila kakak cakap camtu.. adelah lagi comment2 dia. ape-ape je lah, kakak ni! ditambah pula dgn komen ayah dgn mak. haiz~ padahal sebenarnya, takde ape yang perlu dibesar2kan.
4. im currently reading the kite runner. watched the movie already, online. mengusik jiwa, movie tu! of friendship, betrayal, undying loyalty.. of potrayal of the life in afghanistan. i watched with an objective mind ah.. regarding the potrayal of taliban and such. coz to me, these are just snippets of how afghanistan is, and how it was. it may not be entirely accurate, but definitely not a lie, but i accept it as something that could have been, and is, happening.
for you a thousand times over.. kecewa jugak coz character hassan takde mase dewasa.. cerita ni diceritakan seolah2 ianya kejadian sebenar.. and if the adult hassan was alive, and that he and amir were reunited at last, i would have cried!! letter yang hassan hantar kat amir pon mengharukan.
ok, friends! i strongly recommend you to read and watch the kite runner.
and yes, i find the visual representation of the book satisfying. worth it.
*inhale.. exhale..* looking forward to the chinese new year holiday~
gambar-gambar lama uh..
that's kak firza.. doing ermm... not sure, looking at the list of pax i think. nak print kot. anyway, im glad that i met her during RR'07!
starting from the one wearing pink tudung: kak idahyu, kak fadzillah, kak khairunnisa and kak khairunnisa. again, im thankful for these sisters ;)
from left: fadhilah, syazalyn and erny. huhu.. im not going to get bored saying this: im forever greatful to have met all the girls.. and for those whom i've already known before RR'07, to have got the chance to get to know them better *all smiles* indeed, this was one of the blessings from me being involved in RR'07..
tgh kemas barang2 kat dalam kotak, mainly badges and drawstring bags i think. fyi, those two things were the souvenirs for the participants.
the facis, representing the facis, who came for the post-mortem. yupz, they are discussing the matters to be raised during the session.
girls one side, the guys the other two sides..
haiz.. tak boleh angkat ah that i had to
kak rufi (short for rufihaza) - i like her! turned out that she's my course senior kat TP.
ok, ni belum ready. ape-ape 'ntah~
dont have a better picture ah.. so, ni lah kita-kita yang hadir time post-mortem tu. ade jugak yang takde dlm gambar coz dah balik dulu. fyi, it was 11.15+ pm already =S
Exam timetable's out!
Yupz! 3 exam papers only.
BUT!
i still got tests, 2 of them i think, on the 18 feb week. =O
sepandai-pandai tupai melompat..
k, dah tiba masanya kau stop skipping lectures!
my ddct (drug development and clinical trials) lecturer knows i was absent from last friday's and today's lecture.
on top of that, i had failed to attend last thursday's prac project interview. i admit (i didnt admit to her lah.. nampak sah aku conteng arang kat muka sendiri!), it was my fault i didnt leave my house at 7.30am, instead, i left about 8am. one hour before my group's interview slot. cari pasal ke pe, liyana?! kau tau yang kau tak boleh make it if you go out at 8am. kau tau yang pastinya ada highway jam kat sengkang tu!
so yeah, there was a massive jam. one that even i didnt exactly anticipate - the bus was caught in it upon entering TPE. get it? at the entrance of TPE! imagine there and tampines interchange! how far can it get??!! and it was around 8.30 +/- am. so i had to sms my groupmate that i wouldnt be able to make it on time, and was likely to miss the interview. finally.. i reached tampines around 9.50 +/- am. lama kan? and dont think i wasnt upset.
ok, back to me and my lecturer:
so just now, after tutorial, i apologised to her (i had apologised to her on that interview day, but the time wasnt right - she was rushing to take attendance of the next group). she asked me why i was late. i said there was a massive jam. was there an accident? no, i didnt see an accident. i remember seeing on the 'noticeboard' that there was 'massive jam at pasir ris dr 12'.
and then, she confronted me, about my missing lectures. like, baru sekarang nak datang mintak maaf, when you got friday and today. yet, you were absent on both days. (she didnt say that exactly lah..) wah, dalam hati: camne dia tahu..? i was taken aback, alright. i could only say, yes, it was my mistake.
one student, she was on mc, and she's done the interview on friday.. (like, i got no valid excuse and i even missed lecture or didnt take the initiative to see her on friday or earlier today.. bad girl, me!) i could've been more lenient... what do you think i should do? i could mark you as absent (for that interview) and give you zero..
in my head, a sentence was forming: i am ready to accept the appropriate punishment..
then, she started to arrange with me the time i could take the interview.. this thursday.
finally, i said, thank you.. for your patience. i couldnt come up with a better word. patience?? still thinking of a more accurate, appropriate word.
she just smiled. i couldnt interpret what she was thinking.
i think, im on the verge of becoming a black-listed student in her book. better buck up, liyana~ you shouldnt miss any more lectures!
by the way, it turns out that students have to sign their attendance for ddct lectures. this procedure started last friday. oh.. kay.. *sedih jugak sbb takde orang beritahu.. tapi salahkan diri sendiri ah..*
my ddct (drug development and clinical trials) lecturer knows i was absent from last friday's and today's lecture.
on top of that, i had failed to attend last thursday's prac project interview. i admit (i didnt admit to her lah.. nampak sah aku conteng arang kat muka sendiri!), it was my fault i didnt leave my house at 7.30am, instead, i left about 8am. one hour before my group's interview slot. cari pasal ke pe, liyana?! kau tau yang kau tak boleh make it if you go out at 8am. kau tau yang pastinya ada highway jam kat sengkang tu!
so yeah, there was a massive jam. one that even i didnt exactly anticipate - the bus was caught in it upon entering TPE. get it? at the entrance of TPE! imagine there and tampines interchange! how far can it get??!! and it was around 8.30 +/- am. so i had to sms my groupmate that i wouldnt be able to make it on time, and was likely to miss the interview. finally.. i reached tampines around 9.50 +/- am. lama kan? and dont think i wasnt upset.
ok, back to me and my lecturer:
so just now, after tutorial, i apologised to her (i had apologised to her on that interview day, but the time wasnt right - she was rushing to take attendance of the next group). she asked me why i was late. i said there was a massive jam. was there an accident? no, i didnt see an accident. i remember seeing on the 'noticeboard' that there was 'massive jam at pasir ris dr 12'.
and then, she confronted me, about my missing lectures. like, baru sekarang nak datang mintak maaf, when you got friday and today. yet, you were absent on both days. (she didnt say that exactly lah..) wah, dalam hati: camne dia tahu..? i was taken aback, alright. i could only say, yes, it was my mistake.
one student, she was on mc, and she's done the interview on friday.. (like, i got no valid excuse and i even missed lecture or didnt take the initiative to see her on friday or earlier today.. bad girl, me!) i could've been more lenient... what do you think i should do? i could mark you as absent (for that interview) and give you zero..
in my head, a sentence was forming: i am ready to accept the appropriate punishment..
then, she started to arrange with me the time i could take the interview.. this thursday.
finally, i said, thank you.. for your patience. i couldnt come up with a better word. patience?? still thinking of a more accurate, appropriate word.
she just smiled. i couldnt interpret what she was thinking.
i think, im on the verge of becoming a black-listed student in her book. better buck up, liyana~ you shouldnt miss any more lectures!
by the way, it turns out that students have to sign their attendance for ddct lectures. this procedure started last friday. oh.. kay.. *sedih jugak sbb takde orang beritahu.. tapi salahkan diri sendiri ah..*
of all things >-<
her friend says: ante tenggah istihara tentang apa ada org meresik ke
she says: hehe.... i wish!
she says: hehe
she says: tak ah
she says: istikharah ni boleh untuk mcm2 benda kan...
she says: so it's not about ade orang merisik
she says: huhu~
her friend says: yelah tau usik je mana tau kan
her friend says: kawan kita nikah dulu
she says: hehehe
she says: boleh jadi
she says: amiin~~
she says: hehehehehe
her friend says: ish ada org Tak sabar tu
she says: ape jek!
her friend says: seboK eh, if u busy Tak Yah reply continue ur work
she says: sebenarnye, kite tgh tgk cerita 'the craft'
her friend says: dah dia cakap boleh jugak dan amin kan sekali macam Tak sabar gitu
she says: hahahahaha
she says: boleh sabar...
she says: byk perkara perlu dibereskan sebelum kite nak masuk gerbang pernikahan
her friend says: memang ah tu sebab pernikahan walaupon hati inginkanyA tapi ana belum sampai menjadi wanita soleha impian ana. supayA tidak menjadi beban atau fitnah utk suami meneruskan jihad mereka
she says: huhu... wah~ berfalsafah sey~
her friend says: malu kita mana ada seorg yg banYak kekurangan
her friend says: masih mencari redaNYA dan cuba menjadi lebih baik
her friend says: insyAllah ia akan menjadi kenYataan tahun ini
her friend says: k ah... ana penat baru balik sebenarnYa bila nampak personal msg ante tu yg tertarik nak tegur
her friend says: assalamu alaikum wrb
her friend says: tc ana tido dulu ye
she says: okay
she says: ws
she says: hehe.... i wish!
she says: hehe
she says: tak ah
she says: istikharah ni boleh untuk mcm2 benda kan...
she says: so it's not about ade orang merisik
she says: huhu~
her friend says: yelah tau usik je mana tau kan
her friend says: kawan kita nikah dulu
she says: hehehe
she says: boleh jadi
she says: amiin~~
she says: hehehehehe
her friend says: ish ada org Tak sabar tu
she says: ape jek!
her friend says: seboK eh, if u busy Tak Yah reply continue ur work
she says: sebenarnye, kite tgh tgk cerita 'the craft'
her friend says: dah dia cakap boleh jugak dan amin kan sekali macam Tak sabar gitu
she says: hahahahaha
she says: boleh sabar...
she says: byk perkara perlu dibereskan sebelum kite nak masuk gerbang pernikahan
her friend says: memang ah tu sebab pernikahan walaupon hati inginkanyA tapi ana belum sampai menjadi wanita soleha impian ana. supayA tidak menjadi beban atau fitnah utk suami meneruskan jihad mereka
she says: huhu... wah~ berfalsafah sey~
her friend says: malu kita mana ada seorg yg banYak kekurangan
her friend says: masih mencari redaNYA dan cuba menjadi lebih baik
her friend says: insyAllah ia akan menjadi kenYataan tahun ini
her friend says: k ah... ana penat baru balik sebenarnYa bila nampak personal msg ante tu yg tertarik nak tegur
her friend says: assalamu alaikum wrb
her friend says: tc ana tido dulu ye
she says: okay
she says: ws
I wanna be Better!
there's a friendly match with NUS at NUS tomorrow. im thinking of going. hmmm...
and i managed to drag my lazy feet to tuesday's training -
my first time sparring after soo many months.
for your information, we cannot wear spectacles during sparring. not are we allowed earrings, studs, necklace, bracelet, hairpins and rings.. as for hairband, girls are encouraged to use a 'soft' one.
and to tell you the truth, not wearing specs during sparring really makes me insecure. like, i cant see enough. my vision now is worse than months ago. and with the IVP coming in march, i expect my vision to be worse, if not the same, as today.
but... i dont want to wear contact lenses.. scares me, man! eye infection, fungus and whatnots. plus, i only intend to wear them when i spar.. so for the rest of the days or weeks or months, the contact lens box is gonna lay somewhere among my stuff, alone, collecting dust! oh, poor thing..
-self-reflection mode-
i found myself getting lazier and lazier to attend trainings. in the graph depicting my attendance in 1st year and 2nd year, it shows a steep line going downwards.. and it's not rising back up, yet.
questioning myself, why arent you excited about tkd anymore? werent you the one who says that it is a platform to keep yourself fit, coz if not, you dont see yourself exercising those hands and legs?
ironically, when i successfully pushed myself to training, i felt good. good to be back. good to be 'revising' or improving this and that. i especially like it if that day got not so many people. yet, at the same time, i felt particularly frustrated and helpless (and blaming myself) if my kicks/posture are wrong, definitely way below my belt level.
well, that's because you skip training so much, liyana! and that is why your skills are like that!
so, isnt it time for you to buck up? dont you wanna learn the proper way? dont you wanna be good at it? you need practice, more of them! you know you do! and if you are so lazy to do anything about it, why dont you just quit?!
but i dont want to quit. another half of me wants to, though. (because of some reasons. maybe i'll share with you one day.)
for now, im hanging on. i think what is motivating me is the team temasek jacket. i want my jacket back! well, not that i'll be getting the exact same jacket that i wore last year.
you see, there's 'Temasek Polytechnic' sewn at the back of the jacket. unfortunately, it didnt occur to me to check the jacket thoroughly when i collected it. days (or few weeks, i think) after the competition, i returned it to the tkd captain. so that he can help me exchange for a new one. but he never did. hmmm... sabar je.. sabar je.. so now, im still waiting.
this year's IVP is on the 1st and 2nd of march. and my team still hasnt practised much on our pattern. and as for myself, im soooo not ready for sparring competition. arghh..! seram sangat2! i cant do back-thrust spontaneously. no confidence, mah~
yup. that's why im lacking: confidence; since i dont have enough practice, as compared to my tkd mates.
confidence is very important in any sports. and you dont just obtain it anywhere, anytime. after you got the skills, and after you use that skills, then you gain it.
hmmm... oh ya, i missed the january 6th grading. not enough time to practise the grading pattern, plus i was sick. haiz~~ hopefully, i can make it for the april one.
here's the pattern that my team is doing:
below is NTU team doing 'chil-jang' at the IVP NTU Open (pattern) 2006. they're damn goOd! what you're gonna see is an example of excellent execution - powerful, strong, and the same time, smooth~
and i managed to drag my lazy feet to tuesday's training -
my first time sparring after soo many months.
for your information, we cannot wear spectacles during sparring. not are we allowed earrings, studs, necklace, bracelet, hairpins and rings.. as for hairband, girls are encouraged to use a 'soft' one.
and to tell you the truth, not wearing specs during sparring really makes me insecure. like, i cant see enough. my vision now is worse than months ago. and with the IVP coming in march, i expect my vision to be worse, if not the same, as today.
but... i dont want to wear contact lenses.. scares me, man! eye infection, fungus and whatnots. plus, i only intend to wear them when i spar.. so for the rest of the days or weeks or months, the contact lens box is gonna lay somewhere among my stuff, alone, collecting dust! oh, poor thing..
-self-reflection mode-
i found myself getting lazier and lazier to attend trainings. in the graph depicting my attendance in 1st year and 2nd year, it shows a steep line going downwards.. and it's not rising back up, yet.
questioning myself, why arent you excited about tkd anymore? werent you the one who says that it is a platform to keep yourself fit, coz if not, you dont see yourself exercising those hands and legs?
ironically, when i successfully pushed myself to training, i felt good. good to be back. good to be 'revising' or improving this and that. i especially like it if that day got not so many people. yet, at the same time, i felt particularly frustrated and helpless (and blaming myself) if my kicks/posture are wrong, definitely way below my belt level.
well, that's because you skip training so much, liyana! and that is why your skills are like that!
so, isnt it time for you to buck up? dont you wanna learn the proper way? dont you wanna be good at it? you need practice, more of them! you know you do! and if you are so lazy to do anything about it, why dont you just quit?!
but i dont want to quit. another half of me wants to, though. (because of some reasons. maybe i'll share with you one day.)
for now, im hanging on. i think what is motivating me is the team temasek jacket. i want my jacket back! well, not that i'll be getting the exact same jacket that i wore last year.
you see, there's 'Temasek Polytechnic' sewn at the back of the jacket. unfortunately, it didnt occur to me to check the jacket thoroughly when i collected it. days (or few weeks, i think) after the competition, i returned it to the tkd captain. so that he can help me exchange for a new one. but he never did. hmmm... sabar je.. sabar je.. so now, im still waiting.
this year's IVP is on the 1st and 2nd of march. and my team still hasnt practised much on our pattern. and as for myself, im soooo not ready for sparring competition. arghh..! seram sangat2! i cant do back-thrust spontaneously. no confidence, mah~
yup. that's why im lacking: confidence; since i dont have enough practice, as compared to my tkd mates.
confidence is very important in any sports. and you dont just obtain it anywhere, anytime. after you got the skills, and after you use that skills, then you gain it.
hmmm... oh ya, i missed the january 6th grading. not enough time to practise the grading pattern, plus i was sick. haiz~~ hopefully, i can make it for the april one.
here's the pattern that my team is doing:
below is NTU team doing 'chil-jang' at the IVP NTU Open (pattern) 2006. they're damn goOd! what you're gonna see is an example of excellent execution - powerful, strong, and the same time, smooth~
Menghafal Quran ni sama ada mendapat Syafaat atau Laknat.. *
*guLP*
Ya Allah.. Masukkanlah kami dalam golongan orang-orang yang beruntung..
"Kemudian Kitab itu Kami wariskan kepada orang-orang yang
Kami pilih di antara hamba-hamba Kami, lalu di antara mereka ada yang mengania-
ya diri mereka sendiri dan di antara mereka ada yang pertengahan dan diantara
mereka ada (pula) yang lebih dahulu berbuat kebaikan dengan izin Allah. Yang
demikian itu adalah karunia yang amat besar. "surah Faathir: 32 **
*dipetik daripada kata-kata Kowries 0706 dalam artikel 'Kisah Histeria di Pusat Tahfiz' bertarikh 2 Januari 2008. http://www.iluvislam.com/v1/readarticle.php?article_id=822
** Yang dimaksud dengan "orang yang menganiaya dirinya sendiri" ialah orang yang lebih banyak kesalahannya daripada kebaikannya, dan "pertengahan" ialah orang-orang yang kebaikannya berbanding dengan kesalahannya, sedang yang dimaksud dengan "orang-orang yang lebih dahulu dalam berbuat kebaikan" ialah orang-orang yang kebaikannya amat banyak dan amat jarang berbuat kesalahan.
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