Saw cute (yet elegant) little boxes...

... of dates at Mustafa Centre last night. "Ajwa with nuts and cardamom". From Al Alwani Dates.

Couldn't pass it up! So I bought a small packet (6 inside, all wrapped together in a transparent-with-flower-motifs plastic). Costs $5.50. Makes a nice, simple gift if you're looking for one. There's a bigger, 'official' packaging too.. I think the price is $20-plus. Expensive, I knoww!

As for the taste.. well, if you don't mind spice + sweetness, it's alright =)

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This day, I have completed my collection of Harry Potter books. *lalalalala~~~~*

It was totally unexpected! Passed by Lot1 shopping centre, and as I went inside, I saw a small book sale. "Oh, goodie!", I smiled to myself, thinking of just browsing.. and voila! Immediately my eyes caught the familiar book covers! I had wanted to buy these last 2 books for a few years already. BUT but, picky me wanted the original cover designs. Couldnt find any in Popular bookstore nor Amazon. It's like, it no longer exists. Huhu.. disheartening, can?! So, when i saw the 2 gems, I simply couldnt resist. *warghhh*

$9.90 for The Half-Blood Prince, $19.90 for The Deathly Hallows. Both are hardcover. I wonder what's the usual price..

The 7th book with adult (first) cover design was also available. $4 cheaper. Was contemplating with edition to take.. alas, i chose the kids cover so that my whole collection matches!

These books are for me to re-read in years to come, and my kids.. and grandkids. Coz i want to share with em one of my favourite things :)

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Arranging the post-it notes in alphabetical order..

.. helps me see the recurring messages and themes.

And, i categorised them into 2 groups: 'comments/praises abt the speaker or seminar' and 'lessons/takeaways'. Below is the 'comments/praises' group:

Positive! Alhamdulillah..

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Semoga...

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"What you seek, is seeking you" - Rumi

I had already thought of a holiday destination for this year. Borrowed a travel guide book about 3 weeks ago. Unfortunately, it's still lying beside my bed waiting to be read thoroughly (I've flipped thru a couple of times). This is a sign that I am somewhat not very excited about it. Excited, but not VERY excited. Not yet, I convince myself.

Then, earlier today, I saw an ad that ignites that intense feeling of 'want' again.. that desire which had spurred me to Egypt last year.

The caption accompanying the ad posted on FB is just.. apt. I made it the title of this short post.

Will patiently wait for more information to be released. This time, it won't be simply planning and packing my bag. Coz this time, there'll be an application. I wonder if they accept students from Asia.

And since I just came back from the Productive Muslim Seminar, in which bro Faris talked about istikharah prayer - among other things, this is a choice I have made and I will do my istikharah.. inshaAllah =) If The Rihla is good for me, Allah will make it easy for me. If it is not for now, He will make it far from me, and me from it.

Mula2 tu, rajin lah.. subhanallah, bila tengok kertas ni:


Tapi lama-kelamaan, jadi kurang muraja'ahnya.. huhu..

April


Mei


Jun

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Found cue cards frm Piala BH debate! Haha! I recognise Afeyah's handwriting, and mine. There are 2 others, i think, that i dunno belong to whom. Kak Azlita? Kak Shahida? Why do i have a feeling kak Sayyidah Nafisah was also part of it? The scribbles on those cue cards look like they were 'celahan/bantahan'. Some things abt cloning and biomedical industry. ;D look where i've ended up!

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Oh, apparently i completed the A-Math sec 3 tuition programme. I remember enrolling coz early in sec 3, i thought of giving O Level A-Math a shot. My enthusiasm dwindled as months went by. I forgot how long i stuck with it. So yeay! Good to know i endured til the end. I missed a few sessions, though, im sure. Haha! Now, i dont remember a single thing abt A-Math!

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Clearing away old papers. Was trying to recall how come i have these documents:

Then i remember that i was some sort like an 'understudy' in VMD. Volunteer Management Division. Why understudy? I think it was because i chose to observe first, whether what VMD was doing aligned with my own interest, before deciding to join them or PMD. Unfortunately, i dont remember what happened after my short stint in VMD. I know i didnt join, but i dont know why, and i dont recall where i'd gone to next.

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the long piece of 'sharing' written in 2009

 

The editor (Sir Kamar, maybe?) managed to squeezed it to one page!

Finally got to see the final product in the school's Celebrating 100th Year magazine. It was distributed during the Maulid function held at Expo last year. I heard from an ex-classmate that people had to purchase it, though. So I am still not sure if it was given to guests for free or not. Anyway, I didn't attend the event, but prior to it, Sir Kamar emailed some of us that cikgu Katijah already reserved a copy for each. (I think contributors to the magazine got it FOC. ^_^). When I met her, cikgu commented that my piece had good content, BUT it was long-winded, beating about the bush. They had trouble trying to cut it short! Yikes, I thought then, typical me.

 

Love, love, love the phrase at the bottom! Somehow, the Arabic version of "Our Heritage, Our Pride" rings nicer on my lips and heart.

A few seniors also contributed. One of them was... =)

The fact was, yeah, I didn't remember about my 'sharing' til I flipped thru the pages of the magazine and saw my name. And this was what I felt:

It seems like many years ago. Almost a dream. Yet, the words were true when I penned them.. I like to think I have not failed, just lost track since the beginning of 2010. So this piece somewhat serves as a motivation.. reminding me of what I thought, felt, believed and hoped at that point of time. Those life lessons that I had forgotten, I thank God for having written them down in an attempt to share with my juniors the little things I had come to know about life beyond our school walls. I seldom articulate my thought processes, I seldom journal personal events that happened, so, many are buried deep or disappeared. Therefore I am glad I have this chunk of memory, paragraph-by-paragraph, to re-visit every now and then.

On that note, I would like to share this write-up with you, version un-cut (and has grammatical errors! boo-hoo). Click on the link below.

Of Hard Knocks, Blessings And Growing Up :: A Sharing ::
https://www.dropbox.com/s/qlqa1gsczxhsb6v/Article%20for%20Alsagoff%20-%20v.%20uncut.doc

My only request is, if along the road in the years to come, I get lost again or feel down or at crossroads, remind me about these lessons, will you?

hadiah kecil..

..dari si dia yang baru pulang dari bumi kinanah. Terima kasih, sahabat!

As they say, it's the thought that counts. But get this: i bought 2 small bottles of fragrance, from that same shop, as a souvenir for a friend, back in Sept. Whenever i remembered abt it, i had a whisk of a thought.. wouldn't it be lovely too if someone give me this as a present?

So it is a surprise indeed, that more than 3 months later, i have one of these small signature golden-lettered bottles for myself.

Sweetness. :)

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I welcomed the New Year with this

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promised you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time..

- Lyrics from Corrinne May's song Everything In Its Time

 

I was reading an acquaintance's blog (whom I think, after reading a number of her posts, has a flair for writing ^_^) when a sudden thought came:

Psychology. In NUS.

Curious, curious, me.

http://www.fas.nus.edu.sg/psy/_current/undergrad/modules.htm

You know what? The modules are interesting. Which says something, coz it's been a while since anything academic roused any curiosity and interest in me. When I clicked on the module names and then read the synopsis.. I was like, "yes... yes.. this is what I've been thinking about.. oh.. wow.. hmm.. I have questions about these matters.. ahh.. yes.. I'd like to learn that...". Hmm... I sensed a spark of controlled excitement there.

An unexpected ilham.

I wonder..?

 

the shoes that were supposed to last for 2 years..

.. didnt even make it to 1-year mark. Pity.. pity.. they're pretty comfortable. One thing i'm proud of though: they had ascended and descended Mount Sinai with me. Whee~ Anyway, abg ajak me to Metro sale at Expo today. I said yes, with high hopes that i'd find a decent pair of shoes (I had searched at Causeway Point and IMM a couple of days ago.. in vain!). Happy to share that i found it! :) like the careful sewing, the leather feel, comfortable interior. Within my $50 budget, too.

Never seen this brand before. But whatever! Let's see how this pair will do :D

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Seorang sahabat bakal pulang ke tanah air.

Seorang lagi masih di bumi Jordan. Atau sudah kembali ke Syria?

Rindu lah..

-----

Sometimes, my heart swells for them.. with hopes of happiness and many du'a..

I hope that what I am feeling for them is genuine, ya Allah..

For I want to be a friend who is sincere in this friendship..

For I do not want to be one who envies another..

But one who supports and cheers another on..

Please protect our bond, ya Allah, from my own evils.

-----

Yet,

Many times I wonder if I can love the people around me whole-heartedly.

Many times I think I am not.
 

coming clean

I wrote this half-baked post below in March. I can still imagine that episode. Something came loose that night, as I made my confession and hugged her.

There is still a disquiet in my heart. I wonder if i had hurt her?

Let me begin with the tadzkirah that was shared in my games team. The core message was 'jangan terasa hati. Jaga hati.' Because often times in camps, when people have unsettled things, long discussions, last minute changes.. people get stressed, tired.. and either irritable or unresponsive or slooww. Train of thought slows down or is muddled. And so, in the process, they may irritate other people, hurt their feelings with their tongue, facial expression or body language. Be it intentionally and unintentially. At the end of the day, take time to reflect if you had done someone wrong or if you think you had done someone wrong. If you have, find that person to ask for forgiveness. Before you go to sleep.

Or that you may feel hurt because your peers didnt listen to what you were saying, brushed you off, raised their voice at you or some other 1001 reasons. The most important thing for you, is husnuzzhon. It could be their action was not done on purpose. They may not even realised they hurt you. Or that their action is influenced by the stressful state they are in. So, you have got to brush it off, believe it is nothing personal and move on.

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I choked at some points during the tadzkirah, because I had a secret. I like to think that I am not capable of holding grudges. But I guess, I could not be at peace. With myself and also with this person. Because, after looking within myself long and hard, I saw there was a little flame of anger. Dissatisfaction. Hurt.

I knew that for my own sake, I needed to be true to my words. That I needed to forgive. At that time, I thought, okay, I would share with her what had happened, how I viewed it, how I told myself many times she might not have meant it but it hurt me still. How I had tried to brush it away but somehow couldn't let go. Just saying "I forgive you" in my heart did not feel enough. I wanted to tell her out loud that I forgive her, as though I need a verbal confirmation from my own self. And, I wanted to tell her I hope nobody else will feel hurt by her the way I did. I know that it's just her being herself: Rough and loud. Knowing this fact, I was still surprised I had taken it (the old incident) to heart. Was it ego? Over time, I opined that perhaps she needs to be careful too. Of the way she responds to people. As much as people learn to understand and accept her character, especially those who do not know her for very long, she has to know what kind of effects she may have on them. And one example is me.

It was a mixed feeling, really. Wanting to forgive and forget, while wanting to be able to explain my thoughts discreetly. I did not want to sound "corrective".. I just wanted to be honest because I am worried for her well being, mine and others', whoever that 'others' are. Truthfully, this piece of hadith had been tugging me: A Muslim is from whose tongue and hand, other Muslims are safe.

I needed to tell her before the night ends. Before I go to sleep. Because I may not see tomorrow. (Yeah, that was how strong the need was. Like an EMERGENCY.) So I gathered my courage and went to look for her at the tent area. I said I had something to tell her, and we walked to an empty grass patch. I started carefully but alas, I couldn't control my emotion. She was puzzled by this sudden change and asked, "what's wrong, Liyana?" And so, I told her.

It was.. bittersweet.

Alhamdulillah... a burden released. From that moment on, I felt that I could begin to love her sincerely as my sister. :')

I do hope I had not hurt her in turn..

Just watched Rise of The Guardians movie yesterday.

It's the second movie I have come across in which Overcoming Fear is the main subject. The first was Green Lantern. I don't think I told you before.. Even before Green Lantern came out, I had this nagging feeling that I want to watch it. Really really want to watch it. I saw the trailer, it piqued my interest. So, I figured I would just wait for the online version to come out. I didn't know what to expect.

I remember.. that particular day, I was on medical leave, coz my left big toe and its surrounding area were inflamed. I had trouble walking. And, I suspected that I was allergic to one of the medications.. So earlier on that day, I took it again to confirm. I switched on the PC, went to the usual online movie website, chose one of the many links for Green Lantern and waited for it to load. A few minutes into the intro, and it was decided: Online is not good enough. Not with the current mediocre version (coz that time the movie was still fresh in theatres). This time, I am going to get myself some good quality film.

So, yeah, limping and with eyes starting to swell coz of allergy, I made my way to GV Yishun. That was around afternoon. Throughout the movie I was sometimes distracted coz I started to feel a bit breathless and my heart beating kinda quickly. Again, it was the allergic symptoms. I ignored them though.

Was it worth it?

Yes. yes. yes. I didn't understand the subconscious pull. You'd say it was nafsu, right? I'd say, too. But I dunno.. there was something else. And the message that I got at the end of the movie was clear. Of overcoming fear. Of strong will. Gosh.. as I am typing this, I can feel the weight of it. I can't help but think that I was meant to watch it. To learn something from it. Ryan Reynolds (I think he's a good actor though.. especially in Buried) and cool powers aside, I can't help but think I was meant to watch it. To learn something from it. Like, someone is trying to show me that it is for me. Sort of a weird feeling. Somehow, it is not the same as wanting to watch Lord of The Rings or Harry Potter or The Hobbit..

The pivotal point in Green Lantern for me was, when Hal came face-to-face with the humongous black thing that was Parallax on the street, and Hal was trying to defend himself against the enemy, only his green 'shield' to protect him.. weakening yet desperately holding on. And then, he found strength. In brightest day, in blackest night, No evil shall escape my sight; Let those who worship evil's might; Beware my power, Green Lantern's light!

I know.. I know.. typical. But that particular moment was really something. It was symbolic. Just like the scene in Rise of The Guardians, when Jamie said to Pitch Black, "I believe in you. I'm just not afraid of you anymore." Then as the Black Sand touched him, it turned golden.

There was another scene, that re-surfaced an idea, a hope, a wish, for my future.. a wish which was formed after I met ammu Ahmad at al-Azhar mosque.. when Jack Frost was shown his last memory. What I got from it is a character who is caring, assuring and making his loved one smile, and self-sacrificing.

Okay. I am feeling a lump in my throat.

It's just hard.. to have strong will. to maintain that strong will. In matters that really matter! I have fallen on my knees many times. And, I have become aware of a dark side of me who likes falling down. That's one of the core things I ask from Allah: a strong will. I guess I haven't worked for it or wanted it bad enough. That's why I still feel weak.

Also, to help someone and be selfless? Ahh.. you know what's in my mind, what's brewing in my heart, ya Allah.. please guide me to make the right choice for my future. I am beginning to seek meanings, and am frustrated where I am. Hmmm... I know I have to overcome this uneasiness - fear? - of facing the unknown.



Chin up, Liyana. Let's do better in 2013!



On a side note, I didn't know before that there were such 'legendary' beings as Jack Frost and Sandman. Santa Claus, tooth fairy, Easter bunny.. them I know. Interesting lah, all these fairy tales!

Welcome back to school

I've got to do better this time!

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I would love to see my teachers again.

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My twenty-third year has closed. Now my twenty-fourth year begins... I wonder if i'd live til the end of it.. and i wonder, if i'll be able to make good this twenty-fourth year and finish well.

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