soalan -

Family Day anjuran SPMLS dan NI hampir berakhir..



sebelum tirai ditutup, kami berdiri dlm satu barisan.. di hadapan ibu-ibu dan ayah-ayah (serta adik-adik) yang hadir..




background music - lagu soutus sofwa. apa nama lagu itu ya? hmm.. tapi rentaknya lebih rancak. tak best sangat.

'head' memberi ucapan penutup.. aku hanya menangkap satu frasa -

"....inilah pejuang-pejuang.." yang dia maksudkan ialah kami-kami di hadapan.



aku terkesima!



pejuang??



Pejuang kah aku?

Pejuang kah mereka?

siapa lah aku untuk digelar pejuang?

sedangkan masih kabur padaku:

apakah yang dinamakan perjuangan itu?

apakah hakikat perjuangan yang sebenar?

di mana kah aku dalam medan perjuangan ini?


aku, seorang pejuang?

aaahh! hipokrit!

Selected pictures from RR'08

kak hairani, our RR resident designer and huda lee, the safety officer and a fellow MS-ian from NYP.

still fresh in my mind..

"Kak, can I hug you?" ... i hugged her tight.

and i'm sure the day will come where i will get to know Huda more. bi idznillah..!

my teammates. no, she's not my adik, ye. heheh.

oh, and btw, i like my sandals very much!!! paham2 je ah.. dah 6-7 tahun tak pakai sandal.. so, mcm excited gitu. (hahaha.. liyana merepek!) altho masa first2 tu, rasa a bit awkward. but nvm. i finally got to buy one with my own money~

ni lah dia, faci-faci muslimah yang sepatutnyer menunjukkan good example kpd peserta2. haiz~ -_-"

anyway, what came to my mind was.. facilitators nih, mcm satu community/group gitu.. like, we're part organiser, part participant.. kita tak terikat dgn mane2.. but we're the bridge.. like what people have said, "facilitators, you either make it or break it!"

for me, it was nice to be in this close-knit group =) a different experience (oohh.. i'll talk about my experience in another post~)

that is my Brother ^_^

my ermm... bunk mates? basically, we were seating where we would be sleeping uh. heh. anyway (eh, berape byk anyway daaa..?), i got the opportunity to get to know kak azimah, the one in purple. she was my alsagoff senior, tapi transfered to al-maarif during her secondary level. selama ni, pernah nampak dia je.. alhamdulillah.. bila on the first night, while waiting for the rest to finish tarawih, i got to break the ice (after so many years, to think of it!).. with hani (in blue) as the 'bridge'. =)

participants playing "SimonEmcee Says".. batman, superman, cicakman, spiderman semua keluar eh.

one of the propped games - walk the alphabets. uwah~ sabar je main game ni. i lost count how many times my group tried. as for myself? i didnt join til the last bit, coz i was on my 'observing' mode.. to try and figure out the lesson points from what the pax were experiencing.

after propped games, we had treasure hunt on bikes. one station was the minefield. hah! teringat time primary 6 dulu, i played this game masa camp sekolah.. kat sentosa. then, there was a 'number game' where the pax, without prior planning/coordination, have to shout out a number in sequence. yeah, they have to close their eyes. sape2 overlap, kena restart.

actually, we had to hunt for body parts. at the end of it, we would be allowed to use the body parts that we got to play this "transfer-this-cup-of-water-to-another-pail" game.

hmm.. i didnt join most of the games. one part of me didnt feel like playing. rather, i thought i should be the one to observe what was happening (my co-faci was the one 'in' the group). perhaps, keeping note of some things that i could use for debrief later. hmm.. i guess i was quite influenced with the ELF way. i mean, slipping in and out ah.. kadang2 join, kadang2 tak. altho im one who can get enthusiastic at times, i must be mindful that i am a facilitator, not a participant.

we then proceeded to the high ropes course. ooohh~ you wouldnt want to see the pictures. no, not of the pax who got up there. rather, of the pax/personnel/faci down below. or in the shelter. or in the buggy (is that what it's called?). haha.. it was indeed, a lazy and sleepy afternoon. zZzzZzz~

i was hesitant.. unsure, when was the best time to debrief my teammates.. betOl~ dilemma sgt2! finally, had a simple one before asar prayers.. hmm.. ntahlah, my gut feeling said i should do another one. coz the points explained, erm.. mcm tak cukup 'deep' gitu. surface2 je. hmm..

there was a mass debriefing too. the personnel did their best, i believe.

after tarawih, ada 'reflection session'. uwah! ni saya betOl2 tak suka! apa tidaknya, the environment is not suitable laaahh~.. yes, i understood totally that we had to be cramped inside the MPH due to the bad weather. i had thought of bringing my team at least jauh sikit.. somewhere ah.. seriously, i had a tough time convincing myself that the message could be sent across.

tapi takpe. i just shared what i felt. and briefed them about what to do (they were supposed to write on a piece of paper about... err.. ape eh? i think it was what they have learnt in RR'08 thus far). tried to stimulate them to think deeper.. feel more. hmm.. susah sgt. sebab diri tak rasa selesa.

k, in case you are beginning to wonder where my co-faci was.. she was beside me =) she was quite helpful, alhamdulillah~ in terms of getting the pax hyped up.. giving inputs/prompting the pax during the debrief.. yupz, she took care of the pax and befriended them. hehe.. honestly, i kinda think the pax were more comfortable with her than me.

and then, there was the supper! with the signature ice-cream. chett! i have a feeling the organisers sengaja include this in again. finale lah katekan~ haha.

dah tu, around 12 midnight, we facis (sisters) came together to crack our brains (i didnt crack mine ah) for the faci performance the next morning (uwarrrrggghh~ kalau takde tak boleh eh? leceh sey~).. tgh duduk2 tu, ade beberapa idea yang dihidangkan di atas meja (k, lame).. dah set, we went to a more secluded space to practise. part ni kelakar maut sey~ dgn gelagat2 yang merepek, melucukan, lagi gempak! ish ish ish~ malam2 ni tau. shhhh! tertahan2 kite ketawa.

next, faci debrief and feedback session. then, sleep time! but no, i sat with kak hanis, kak eszra and kak rufi. listened to kak hanis' dilemma.. and we (or rather, the 3 sisters) shared stories and experiences. sampai pukol 2 lebih. @.@ but i cherished that moment! another bonding opportunity with the 3 individuals, especially kak eszra and kak hanis.

subuh prayers. syahdu gitu~

my brother and i.

this is one of the rare brother-sister pictures that i have. rasa2nyer, ade dalam 5 je kot.

hmmm... what can i say?

this was the second activity we had together. the first was IGM. tak pernah2 me ajak my brother. but i began to feel and see the need for me to get my brother involved. you know, sometimes, i can see that there is goodness in him. needs to be pushed to the open. nurtured. everyone is like that. especially now that he's engaged. so, i thought that it will be good to introduce him to the bros that i know. hmmm... takpe, bit by bit, my dear self. apa pun, jgn putus2 berdoa untuk dia dan keluarga k!

hmm.. i encouraged him to go for the stong trip.. but, 1. he was busy 2. i couldnt join (klw free pon, mesti tak boleh punyer~). ye lah, klw abang pergi sorang, nanti awkward pulak dia.

and so, for RR'08.. i felt that it would be a good start, no matter how small. alhamdulillah.. that abang digerakkan hatinye untuk membantu. hmm... now i need to find suitable follow-up(s). and i do hope my brother was at ease the whole time there, and made new friends. yupz!

self-explanatory.

syukur.. syukur.. syukur padaNya di atas ukhwah ini..

what do i think of RR'08? how was the ending? hmm... i'll keep my thoughts and the rest of my story for another post. inshaAllah.

last but not least, i did a bit of tweaking here and there. below is the final piece (one of 3 actually, different borders). i call it "my favourite expressions".

Give up what you want at the moment for something you want most in life.


it's very hard to focus.
at the moment, i wonder if i can quit and do something else.
but no, i can't.
not yet.

what i want most in life,
hmm..
still undecided.

Ya Allah, ease the path for me..

let the pictures do the talking..

a birthday present from my scandal junior. nope, not recent one. it was 3 years ago! haha.. simpan dlm almari for nearly 3 years, with the wrapper.. sebab cantik nah gelasnyer =)


finally decided to use it for my sip days. and guess what? the pics were taken in the ladies! coz kat dlm office, ade boss uh.. heh.


a meeting with SP, at SP. first time dapat jejakkan kaki ke situ.. dapat jugak explore few areas while waiting for marliyana. btw, in the pic: syakirah SP and marliyana TP. oh, and SP got popular (!!), pizza hut, mcdonald's and kfc.


maisarah and far'ain from NPMSS. tmsn meeting. met them for the first time there =)


kak nadiah from SIM.. ameerah persatuan.. segan jugak bila dia ada.. not really intimidated ah.. more to rasa kagum.. seorang ameerah, pastinya dia mempunyai kewibawaan, semangat yang jitu dan keberanian.. mudah2an urusannya dimudahkan Allah =)


my first activity on a particular sunday. mind you, it was about 9 in the morning. tak pernah2 me see afeyah off to DQ.. but that sunday was special.. coz it was gonna be our last time together.. perhaps the next one is gonna be 4 years later? and it's great to see kak juwita again! nama je tinggal dekat, tapi kita jarang sekali jumpa.. i truly appreciate the times when we went to mks, and balik from mks, together.. or bila gi kelas ustaz ahmad. alhamdulillah di atas ikatan ukhwah ini.. klw dgn kak solehah.. heee... ni me segan jugak. but i do hope i can get to know her better one day..


after seeing the DQians off, me and adilah gi makan breakfast kat zam zam.. aahh.. again, im thankful for these last few moments with her =) afterwards, i went to EXPO for the NLB book sale (!!!). thanks to kak rufi who told me about it few days before. and yea, my partner in crime book-shopping was kak maryam. whee~~~ and you know what i thought? bila kite dah syiok sgt cari2 buku, we dont care how we look. i mean, dgn bag plastic (in my case, recyclable bag) or basket yang penuh, and bukan itu sahaja, tangan pon penuh dgn buku.. alahai~ mcm dah tak ingat orang. hehe..
but the atmosphere there was peaceful ah.. the background music pon best. evergreen.. so yang middle-aged, pakcik makcik terhibur jugak. ade jugak orang beside me who sang along under their breaths.. or hummed.. cute!


yes! setelah ku membeli buku2.. i think it was two plastic bags.. tapi kak maryam bawak balikkan satu, i went to mks. alhamdulillah~ glad i did.. tak kisah lah diri dah rasa a bit penat.. bawak a plastic of books and my own bag.. and i had been walking since morning.. but it was worth it, to be with my two dear sisters and few others. oh! and i met someone who is from ntums, and she's in thfz too! alhamdulillah...!


after asar, gi majlis kenduri liyana rahaim pulak~ guess which one is her? hmm.. miss her sometimes.. still remember her testimonial for me kat friendster.. haha.. kita sama2 gurga lah, liyana! haha.. but i always believe in the good side of her, the soft part of her... mudah2an, pengalaman belajar dan tinggal di mesir dapat mendidik anti menjadi muslimah yang lebih baik, pelajar yang benar2 menghayati ilmu, dan sahabat yang sejati =) jangan sia2kan peluang yang ada k?


this pic was taken during IGM.. woo hoo~ first time panjat rock wall kat safra lah sey~ sukerrr! maklum je lah, RR'06 and RR'07 me tgk orang panjat je.. got to meet up with few sisters from RR'07 ^_^ ooohh.. it was a good time for me and kak maryam to get to know erni NYPMS better too, or at least, for her to get more comfortable with us. coz time tu, we were in the dtalk admin team, and jarang meet. but later kan, i realise that during d-talk itself was the best time for the three of us.. we bonded lah, amidst the preparation for registration, the looooonnnggg night of doing admin stuff and whatnots.


TP/NI sisters, after they had their study time and maghrib~ two new sisters for me: farzanah and begum farah. i had known/met farah before ah.. we smile/approach each other when we bum into each other.. but that night was the first time for the both of us to be in the same setting. and she speaks well, alright!


went to watch the musabaqah after work at sc, on a saturday. reminiscing the moments uh.. the feeling of nervousness, or bila dah hafal2, tapi blank bila on stage.. the murajaah moments before your own turn.. haiz~ i actually thought of participating, but changed my mind coz i figured i wouldnt finish murajaah on time.

(to be continued)

of teachers and rebellious kids

okay, so, apparently, Dangerous Minds is not better than The Freedom Writers.

the movie was okay-okay, not much action or suspense.. or moving moments, solid plot.

dah berzaman sey kepingin nak tgk Dangerous Minds, finally found it just now kat YouTube. bila dah tgk, nak kata disappointed, tak jugak.


so far, movies of the same 'genre' that i have watched and enjoyed are Sister Act 1 & 2, To Sir With Love, Les Choristes, The School of Rock, Take the Lead, The Freedom Writers.. and I would say, Les Choristes and The Freedom Writers are the best yet! I recommend you to watch these two.

ayah sedang memperkatakan tentang wahabi..

hati saya terasa panas..


Ya Allah.. aku masih mencari..
mana satukah yang benar ya Rabb?
firqah itu, firqah ini..
toriqoh itu, toriqoh ini..
salafi, wahabi, dan banyak lagi..

aku mahu mencari yang benar ya Rabb
agar hatiku tenang..
agar aku dapat beribadah dgn tenang..

tapi, aku sedang keliru..

Ku mohon petunjukMu..

tadi gi bloghopping~ gi blog akhawat2 senior.. hmmm...

saya rindu dgn mereka.. saya rindu nak bersama dgn mereka..

seorang, saya kenal dia daripada musabaqoh syarahan kat alsagoff dulu.

seorang lagi, saya kenal dia dari mirc #IslamicSch.. kemudian terjumpa time nak balik dari majlis maulid kat wak tanjong.. alahai~ tersipu2 bila nampak dia. hehe..

hmmm... dan beberapa orang lagi.

hmmm.. kemudiannya, rata2, pusat tahfiz menjadi tempat kami semua saling kenal-mengenali.. saling membina satu ikatan ukhwah.. saling kuat-menguatkan..

saya rindu dgn mereka.. semuanya di luar negara.. dan sebulan yang lalu, seorang sahabat saya terbang ke bumi kinanah.. tinggal saya seorang.. anti... 4 tahun tu lama.. tapi takpe, anti tak balik pon ana ok.. mudah-mudahan, Allah pertemukan kita lagi eh? ana doakan anti kuat, anti pon doakan ana eh? bila pikir2 tentang situasi ana skrg, tentang masa hadapan, rasa lemah sgt. mcm nak rebah. mcm nak terbang, lari ke mana akhawat ana berada..

saya rindu dgn mereka.. saya rindu dikelilingi akhawat yang punya fikrah yang sama.. ilmu mereka.. pengalaman mereka.. perwatakan mereka..

tempat saya bermanja..
tempat saya meraih ilmu dan nasihat..
tempat saya mendapat peringatan..

masa usrah ahlulquranpts, hmm.. seringkali, saya teringatkan suasana bersama mereka.. saya bersyukur.. kerana Allah masih sayangkan saya, menggerakkan hati saya untuk terus menghadiri usrah..

saya rindu sangat..

im still shaking. terribly.

you know the feeling, "dicengkam rasa takut dan bimbang yang amat sangat"?

yes, that's what im experiencing now.

im just soo afraid of the near future, what it may bring. i think, only after 5 years from today, then i can breathe easily.

i've tried what i can. in this short time. my fault. coz i had more than a week.

i've never felt so trapped..

aku tak mahu berbohong. aku tidak mahu menipu.

Ya Allah.. ampunilah aku.

i cant go back now.

pasrah.

Ya Allah.. permudahkanlah.. Engkau Maha Mengetahui apa yang aku telah lakukan dan alami.

this heart feels heavy. i know that if He wills, what comes around will come around..

*taking deep breaths*

i've tried.. but this deep guilt screams that i've not done enough.

my whole body is in a very very tense mode.

*macam nak nangis*

"... macam orang Malaysia..!.."

"aaahh? takdelah..~"

hehe.. that was what i encountered just now. apa yang macam orang Malaysia? it's the way i talk i guess. k lah, telo.. personally, ntah. macam orang Malaysia ke? i would think that sometimes i talk like makcik2! hahaha.. im sure a lot of my friends agree to that! haha

teringat time raya.. i think it was two years ago. first ke second day of raya ah.. then, my family went to masjid al-mukminin to solat.. kat dalam ladies. klw tak silap, i was talking to my sister. dah tu, ade satu makcik ni tegur, "awak (cant remember how she addressed me) orang Malaysia ke?" or was it "orang Johor".. hehe.. i said "saya orang singapore, cik".. >.^

fikir2 balik, maybe i was influenced by ust salbiah kot. she taught us bahasa melayu.. sejarah Islam.. eh, ape lagi yang ust salbiah ajar eh? akhlak ke? and also, the influence may have come from my few-days stay kat DQ. fuh, dah berzaman sey tu.. 4 years ago, i think.

hehe.. kite cakap ni.. just nak share je.. tak terkilan.. amused adelah. hehe


Oh yes! and eid miilad to my dear friend, Kamaliah...!! ana tak lupa~ cuma mcm malas nak hantar sms. haha! gurau jek. ana doakan anti dilindungi Allah dan sentiasa mendapat taufiq dan hidayah(wa syafiq wa kamaliah.. hehe.. =p)Nya.. apa pun yang anti lakukan, iringi ia dgn semangat yang jitu k. and... im just an MRT station away if you ever need me.. tomorrow ke, next month ke, 2 years later ke.. last but not least, keep up the working-out routine! haha.. ;p

uwaaaahhh~ final. ly.

I've been wanting to upload this video for the longest time sey~ dari oktober tahun lepas.. dan dari oktober tahun lepas tu lah, the video tak di-delete2 dari kameraku. *makan space kat kamera*. akhirnya~ baru kelmarin tukar video format, dan kali ni, windows movie maker tak buat hal. so yeah~ aku telah berjaya meng-overcome challenge ini! (chett~ macam real! -.-")

so, anyway, the video below was one of the few (and it's the longest) i took during Forum Irama II held in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. tak sangka plak liyana boleh interested dlm this kind of event eh? heee.. sebenarnye, curious ah.. nak tahu jugak camne edutainment macam gini goes. so, $15 gwe terbang~~ oh, i went alone. but dpt meet up dgn haziqah afterwards (and having a late bite at McD [dah masuk bukit timah uh :S] with her padahal dah pukul sebelas [read: dah naik cemas coz nanti ayah -----]).



mind you, i never paid attention to the sajak. i was more fascinated by the silat moves, especially the second part (sparring). hmmm... suddenly, im wondering how it'll be like to integrate silat n tkd. i mean, in both sparring and pattern. mesti weird.

i took other vids too:





oh, and i've got some photos:



Forum Irama II: Getaran Jiwa 261007

i was supposed to give my feedback to ust zauwiah after the show... but, ermm.. ni dah lapan, sembilan bulan overdue. heh.

secara jujur, i wasn't clear of the meaning, definition and explanation of 'getaran jiwa' by the performers/organisers/ustazs.. im sure they tried to relate the performances [nasyids, sajak, skit, dikir barat] with the right content, with 'getaran jiwa'.. but i just didnt get it. i guess, to me, the explanation wasnt solid enough. tak mantOp ah. cant remember what they said.. but i remember vividly the feeling/impression i had that night.

maybe it was the mixture of seriousness of the actual message yang nak disampaikan and the entertainment offered/performed, so i guess people tend to pay more attention, or enjoy the latter more. again, this is my biased opinion. true, that it's time to spread the good words and reminders beyond the halls of syarahan, kuliahs, etc, etc, and i admit that the event was a wonderful effort from the organisers. something fresh, no? and from the way it was executed (smooth~, i would say), the organisers had worked hard, and practised hard.

hmmm... yes, it was an 'interactive forum'. so, even though i wasn't terkesan, i hope others were.

now, what exactly was the message, content thruout the show? errmmm... im not so sure right now. i recommend that you visit this web to know more: http://luas-getaranjiwa.blogspot.com/

last but not least, i remembered and liked one song from the show. finally found it at imeem. ;D

On a happier note -

I didnt realise i had missed the date i opened my eyes into this world til about 3 days ago. and that '3 days ago' was 29 days after the Big day, klw tak silap.

Happy belated birthday, my dear =) sorry, belum punya rezki untuk belikan apa2. tunggu bulan november ya? but, i do have some words of wisdom for you to remember and reflect.

^_^

Masih dalam Istikharah - Finale

A snippet from my conversation with a bro whom i respect..

:: One senior :: says: i shall say nothing more than..
:: One senior :: says: to each, Allah has set his/her path...
:: One senior :: says: watever decision u make.. tts His beautiful path for u..

i think, i was unsure.
i think, i was gradually becoming sure.

but my judgement was becoming biased.
aah.. it was happening again - pelajaran ditolak tepi.
yet, i remembered - kalau kita lakukan sesuatu di jalan Allah.. Allah pasti tolong. hmm.. must tajdid niyyah. check and re-check my inner self. coz i always forget. and im always tainted.

And, in the very early morning of 24th May 2008, I've come to a decision. although, to be honest, yes, i remember, i wasn't completely definitely strongly sure with that decision. rupa-rupanya masih ade keraguan. tapi dibiarkan.

analiy says:
assalamu'alaikum
analiy says:
are you still awake?
her senior says:
wa'alaikumussalam wr (: yes i am
analiy says:
haha
analiy says:
k, klw dah ngantok takpe tau
her senior says:
tak lah
her senior says:
blum ngantuk. cume tak tau nak buat ape.
her senior says:
hav u fnished ur assignmnt?
analiy says:
dah
analiy says:
akhirnyer
analiy says:
okay kak...
analiy says:
bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim
her senior says:
yup. im ready.
analiy says:
eh, klw tulis formal kat surat pon orite jugak eh
analiy says:
(k, ni cari alasan nak lambat2 bilang)
analiy says:
k k
her senior says:
hee
analiy says:
i've decided that
her senior says:
jap jap.
analiy says:
with pleasure
analiy says:
i'll wait
her senior says:
apapun keputusan liyana, i believe it is for the best. and forgive me if all this while, my words cam not helping in ur decision making.
my point is i'm ready to hear =)
her senior says:
k dah.
analiy says:
I accept the responsibility as vice-chairperson of Nur Ikhwan AY08/09 Committee.
analiy says:
hmmm... after how many weeks and days... finally, i've made my decision
analiy says:
my parents are okay with it.
analiy says:
and i told them, the duty will start end of june
analiy says:
betol kan?
her senior says:
alhamdulilah. terharu nyer.
analiy says:
=)

Tuhan.. ku rasa agak lemah membaca kembali apa yang telah ku tulis.

ku teringat semula malam itu.. kira-kira tiga tahun lalu.. semasa Orientasi Prisma. ust Zauwiah di sebelahku.
ku teringat kembali hari itu, tiga tahun setengah yang lalu, setelah aku diberi jawatan yang ku rasakan amat berat.
ya, kedua2nya berat.
dan pada malam dan hari itu, ku meratapi segala yang perlu aku sandang dibahu, segala kelemahan, segala kehampaan, segala harapan, segala yang telah berlalu dan akan berlaku.

Tuhan.. mengapakah masih ada rasa takut dalam hati ini?
Tuhan.. mengapakah keyakinanku begitu rapuh?
Jangan bersedih.. jangan gusar.. jangan takut. Innallaha ma'anaa..!
Tapi, mengapa aku masih belum dapat menjiwai kata-kata itu?


Tuhan.. permudahkanlah....

Everyone's out.

The house's mine.

The internet's on.

it's a lazy Sunday, alright.


ooh!


and Wall.E is out...!!!!








k, i've watched it, not really happening ah.. or funny. but still, Wall.E is one cute little robot =)

and... i found this at youtube -



cant wait cantwaitcantwaitcantwait..~~

chit-chat with alumni

setelah berminggu-minggu saye asyik tangguh je untuk blog, kali ni, saye NAK BLOG JUGAK!! tak kisah yang skrg ni dah lewat malam, esok kerja, ade email nak dihantar, document nak dicompile. -.-"

okay, sebelum tu, nak reply tags jap. coz my pc ni, selalu tak dapat view my tagboard. bila dapat, tak boleh nak send reply plak. so here goes:

Brother - aah.. yes, i'm not facing it alone. Thank you for the gentle reminder.

Spiderman_pink - thanks for the info. memang bila pikir2, darah, along with other organs such as kidneys, or liver, are valuable lifesavers. sometimes, i imagine myself in the recipient's shoes.. so, yeah~ to be able to feel the satisfaction, knowing that we make a difference in people's life, with just 400mL of blood for example, and that we dont have to be too educated or rich or do some far-fetched stuff to help people... Hamdna lillah..~ semangat jugak bila nampak poster derma darah kat sc! but, i'm not sure if i can donate blood these coming weeks. nevertheless, i hope more Muslims will step forward to pledge their names in this 'Rahmatan lil alamin' project.


Chit-Chat with Alumni

first and foremost, banyaknyerr makanan! alhamdulillah.... saye sangat gembira! (heh. nampak sgt orang tu suker makan) plus, sempat tgk Lord of the Rings. k, suprisingly, marliyana is also a fan, and..... her fav is Aragorn! *high five, girl!* yelah, mcm first time gitu.. selama ni, the people i met heran nah dgn Legolas.

hmm.. maybe i should change my msn nickname to Aragorn. k, tak penting.

anyway, it was enjoyable to be able to makan2 and talk2 with my NI alumni.. it would've been much much much (haaa.. tiga kali tu. tawkid!) better if 1. it was all-girls, 2. kak wani, kak fadz, kak diyanah, kak masturah, kak maryam O were there.

got to know about their family background, quirks, how they came into NI, personal experience, and some other stuff. it was a good opportunity too, to know more about the two upcoming chairperson and vice-chairperson.

cuma..





you revealed too much lah, liyana!




i realise that i like to tell people stories, stories about my past, my everyday life, or just some random thoughts. simply said, liyana suker cerita panjang lebar~~
hah! so much for 'i dont like to reveal that much.. ask me questions, so i can answer accordingly...' sungguh contradicting.



i mean, sometimes it's good.. especially when you're with friends whom you're comfortable with.


tapi, liyana, kau tak sepatutnya cerita banyak sgt! kebanyakan jawapan2 yang kau berikan tak sepatutnyer didengari oleh lelaki.

ya! walaupun mereka itu kau anggap sebagai saudara se-Islam, pangkat abang/adik, tapi mereka tetap lelaki ajnabi!

dan kau seharusnya berurusan dgn mereka apabila perlu sahaje!

*sigh* my dear liyana, where have you thrown your principles? remember, when it comes to principle, you should stand like a rock!

some of the questions were about my family background, a bit about my alsagoff life, 3 strengths that i have, technical skills..

hmmm... bukan ape ah, tapi cara yang kau jawab tu, dan isi jawapan kau.. next time, should be more filtered, tersusun.. yang penting2 je k? klw semua perempuan lain lah.. bercerita sampai malam2 buta pun tak kisah. hehe..

ade question: are you a shy person?

macham nak ketawa bila pikirkan perangai saye dulu2.. shy eh? sometimes kot.. tapikan, i think, im the type of person who tak shy nak mencuba sesuatu, or angkat tangan to ask something.. melainkan time tu ramai sgt rijal ke.. or tahap shyness tu memang tgh tinggi.

yang pastinye, i've come to realise that im not a really peramah person too.. kinda shy lah kot, when im on my own. tapi, again, kadang2 boleh strike up a conversation.. tgk orang ah..

eh jap, yang kat atas ni bukan answer bulat2 sama yang saye berikan kat diorang tau. all these are what im thinking now.

are you a determined person?

haha.. this one, i answered, "i'd like to think (or was it, 'i hope') that im a determined person coz bla bla bla.."

hmm.. betul ah.. when people say im hardworking, or determined, rasa mcm tak percaya ah.. coz i dont believe so. though i want so much to believe.

tapi.. bila pikir2 balik, memang klw kita buat sesuatu yang kite suka, ade passion, we'll go thru it til the end. YES! til the end. biar ape orang nak kata. biar apa pun tekanan. biar pun kadang2 kita rasa sangat tak kuat.

joyful?

hehe... well, when im happy, cheerful, you can see it. but when im not, you may notice it too. i realised this quite a long time ago. my facial expression tells it all - when im serious, pissed off, sad, depressed, tired (!!), angry, blur.. i do try to keep myself composed, so i wont reveal too much.

but i dont think i tell people what im feeling. i mean, not usually. they can only see my expression to guess, to assume..

hmmmm... entah eh. suddenly im reminded of my sec level days.. hmm...

yang ttg 3 strengths tu, i could only point out one. it's not that im really good at it. i can do it. but i still need to learn, practise.. so to be able to do it effectively. coz at the moment, im not an effective, well-versed speaker.

does 'enthusiasm' count as strength? if yes, then i would say yes, that's one strength i have. although, it's not really stable. can disappear gradually or suddenly.

baru2 ni, in my D-Talk 'reportbook', someone says about me being a person with 'positivenessnessness' (tawkid again~). ni betul2 kes tak percaya. coz pre-event, i saw myself as being fussy, a bit demanding maybe, and yes, i didnt stop wanting to finish, despite my spirits going lower and lower during that particular night/morning.

orite! what else...?
hmmm... i think that's all kot, the questions that caught my attention.

oh, and liyana.. i think you need to set yourself a curfew. seriously. tak guna klw kau happy2, or buat kerja2 yang baik, tapi buat mak ayah susah hati (marah pon ade). in the end, sape yang rasa bersalah? kau jugak. and it washes away all the happy feelings that you had before.

kawan2, lain kali kan, if you see that it's 10.30pm already, do alert me k. cakap ke, sms ke, call ke, nak laung pon boleh. "Liyana! dah pukul 10.30! balik!" klw boleh, sampai rumah before 12am. preferably, 11.45.. buffer time 15 minit. klw dah ingatkan tapi saye degil jugak, cuba ikhtiarkan sampai saye sedar and angkat kaki k. betul ah, liyana ni klw dah seronok kat prog tu, prog ni, asyik tangguh nak balik.

to end this post, i'd like to say that i like kak fiza's cookies. help the kids to improve ye kak, baik dari segi pelajaran, akhlak, mahupun bab bikin2 kuih ni. hehe. and i should've asked kak maryam to tapau her cute little cookies. and... i hope we can do this again, along with the sisters i mentioned earlier and other NI sisters =)

agitated

since stepping out of my house til reaching home minutes before 11pm, i felt all wrong.

i couldnt concentrate, disturbed, somehow, all the way during the meeting.

a mix of emotions.

and it escalated while i was walking from the centre to the mrt station.

reached its peak as i walked along the platform and sat waiting for the mrt. exhausted.

Ya Allah..

i seek Your guidance.

just now, i really thought i couldn't take it anymore.

what is 'it'?

i wish i can describe.. but it was too overwhelming. it still is.

i thought i was on the brink of giving up.

Ya Allah..

please, please, please...!!

and now, i just cant do my assignment. i dont want to. i cant. Ya Allah, i just cant.

Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah..

brother wants to get engaged.

I'm not thrilled. though I joked my way around.

**

felt the sting when father says I know but I don't understand.

I seek to understand, ayah.

I just don't show it.

and I thank you, for the trust.

**

I miss knowing my brothers.

calling one my brother but i do not know him.

calling another my brother but i do not know him enough.

**

the secret keeper

the listener

no, not the golden child

but one who is always there

**

the mission to do da'wah is calling

da'wah to my family

**

Abang, kakak, abang, adik.. Liyana doakan kalian.. Liyana doakan kita semua..

Ya Allah,

jadikanlah kami anak-anak yang soleh dan solehah..

didiklah kami Ya Allah..

jangan biarkan kami menyimpang hingga menjadi anak derhaka..

kurniakanlah hidayahMu Ya Allah..

aku sayang kedua abang, kakak dan adikku Ya Allah..

dan aku tidak mahu mak dan ayah terluka..

Ya Allah.. janganlah Kau matikan kami dalam keadaan kami tidak direstui mereka..

**

Ya Allah..

please let them know, in their hearts, that I love them.

even though I do not show it.

please let them know, that I am willing to sacrifice.

please let them know, that I seek their blessings.

**

Ya Allah..

kuatkanlah aku..

aku ingin menjadi anak yang solehah..

**

Ya Allah..

please do not let them see my tears.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

and I know what my next step after graduation will be.

All is well.

pending stories

IVP 2008

one gunung conquered "bedek ah, liyana!"

1st solo trip to KL

the nightwalk in MIC

IGM

qiyamullail 2008

--------------------

RR'08 now has the project head and vice heads!
I wish them well.
lookin' forward to meet the rest of the team this wednesday.

--------------------

do you notice that i seldom share about my work?

last saturday, i chanced upon pictures of the volunteers.. old ones. was kinda amused to see the different hairstyles for the brothers and their antics in the pictures, and different tudung styles for the sisters. was kinda amazed to see their younger faces, coz i was thinking, how far have they come.. reminding me that they have way more experience.. feeling more respectful of them.. saw a few of my seniors from my alma mater too. oh, and suprisingly, my cousin too (yea, cuz, i was suprised! heh).

on another note, i want to commit to my work. i really do. coz i enjoy working there. although sometimes, i have to reinforce to myself that im just a worker. i've no business with them. when the time is for work, work. when the time is not for work, then i become a volunteer too. and sometimes, i think i may not be here for very long. i just cant say for now. after confirmation about my SIP placement, then we will see..

updates and such

1. it's that time of the year again: my term tests are done and over with. alhamdulillah di atas segala yang telah dipermudahkan...

and now.. wa ufawwidhu amrii ilallah~

2. Kamaliah got third in her class! needless to say, im Happy for youuuu~ and yes, let's go to NUS! haha.. mcm betul aku nak masuk sane..

3. Aszafirah dapat masuk NUS laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!! National. University. of Singapore. Alf Mabruk, Ya sohibati~~ oh Allah~ tak tahu ape nak cakap~~ jealous? eh, tak! bangga adelah!
haha.. Selamat Maju Jaya, firah~ ana doakan anti dapat lalui uni experience with an open mind, open heart, dgn tabah, semangat, dan yang sewaktu dgnnya... until... 2012 kan? *Yes~ Aszafirah boleh!*

4. Student Internship Programme in 3 weeks' time. there was a briefing just now. sungguh menaikkan stress dan nervous level saya. hmMmMmMMMmmmm..

5. took Hep B jab last monday. 1st of 3. seriously ah.. i think i've had enough of needles and jabs. the pain's manageable, tapi mcm dah jemu gitu. and tak nak rasa that stinging feeling anymore. haem/bbank lab, blood donation, blood test, and this Hep B jab.. hmm.. im not looking forward to july's one!

6. i was quite suprised with the messages on/at/in my tagboard. really didnt expect anyone to write as many as 2 tags on the same day. my tagboard is usually inactive anyway. haha. plus, the sudden criticism. my reaction? ntah eh, rasa macam tak percaya ah. seriously. i kinda thought that those were some random comments, spam or flood or whatever you call it. and i think it's the first time im criticised in my blog. narcissictic? juvenile? immature? wow..

not taking it to heart, alright. and yeah, i do agree that what one writes does shed some light on one's personality, knowledge, and level of maturity. it may not necessarily 'reflects'.

then again, im not a writer. i think i've typed somewhere here that my thoughts are mostly in my head, unexpressed.. or simply, not expressed here. i think im more of a 'express by actions and body language' kinda person. easier coz no need to squeeze my brain juice to form even one wise - or mature, or intelligent, or funny, or interesting - sentence.

yupz!

ape lagi eh? oh!!

7. remember the post where i said i would tell you what song stuck in my head during bro hafiz M's walimah? so.. the name of the song is: Istri Sholehah.

actually, what caught my attention was

- oops.. sorry! to be continued yea. need to stop. think im gonna be ill. feverish. extremities feel cold. going home. (oh, im in the sch library level 2, btw) -

last but not least,

8. im now in third year but i still have yet to step into RP. aiyo~ gotta set a date with Jim ah.. before SIP.. >.<



9. D-Talk 2008 is coming sOon~~ for YOU - upper sec students, Polytechnic, ITE, JC, Madrasahs students... you're welcome to join Us!! ape tu D-Talk?? k, jom gi http://www.dtalk08.blogspot.com/ now! registration ends 15 June which reminds me... belum post up the reg form kat blog uh. oh no~~

was checking my blog to see if there's anymore 'heated' tags.

then, clicked on the 'June 2007' history.

A Different Light.

all these lead to me reflecting, why is my motivation the want, the need, to get in the TOP 10% of the cohort? why is my motivation to be on the same parr as the malay girl, who has the same name as me, who is in the top 10 students for 1st year? why..?

and why isnt my motivation based on the desire to please God? why do i feel a bit estranged from the fact that Allah is always there for me? why do i not trust and put all my hopes and prayers in Him?

why everytime i face failure, or even sense failure, i quickly become discouraged? why cant i be stronger, realising that Allah has me in His hands?

why am i so afraid that i wont reach my goal of getting the A's? is it super important that it blinds me from the pure intention of seeking knowledge?

think, my dear self,
think of your primary intention.
the others will come later.
once you set your innermost intention,
sure about it, work within it,
then you dont have to worry.

feel like crying..
No! dont cry k.
You cant!

kerana Pejuang tak boleh menangis!

Masih dalam Istikharah.. part trois

maybe, the msn conversation i had with my senior is a sign.
maybe, the conversation i had with kak syazwani masa NI mixed usrah last friday, when she mentioned about 'berburuk sangka dgn diri sendiri..', is a sign.
maybe, the conversations i had with ayah yesterday and mak today are signs too.

Alhamdulillah.. one huge obstacle has been overcome. maybe you know what it was, based on the msn conversation.

there are still few things to be thought through.

"Ya Allah! Aku mohon pemilihan Mu menerusi pengetahuan Mu dan aku mohon kekuatan Mu menerusi kudrat Mu serta aku minta pada Mu sebahagian dari limpah kurnia Mu yang sangat besar. Sesungguhnya Engkau amat berkuasa sedangkan aku tidak berkuasa, Engkau amat mengetahui sedangkan aku tidak mengetahui dan sesungguhnya Engkau amat mengetahui segala yang ghaib. Ya Allah kiranya Engkau mengetahui bahawa perkara ini (…sebutkan hajat..) adalah baik bagiku dalam urusan agama ku juga dalam urusan penghidupan ku serta natijah pada urusan ku, kini dan akan datang, maka tetapkan lah ia bagi ku dan permudahkanlah ia untukku, serta berkatilah daku padanya. Dan kiranya Engkau mengetahui bahawa perkara ini (…sebutkan hajat..) membawa kejahatan kepadaku dalam urusan agamaku, juga dalam urusan penghidupanku dan natijah urusanku, kini dan akan datang, maka elakkanlah ia dariku dan tetapkanlah kebaikan untukku sebagaimana sepatutnya, kemudian jadikanlah daku meredhainya. (Dari hadis riwayat Imam Bukhari)".
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