Looking at my state of iman, i know damn well i cant, and dont deserve, to take this step.

Yes, i was shocked to hear the request. What is this, ya Allah? A salvation, an opportunity, a reason for me to work harder to fix myself? Or something i should avoid to not satisfy my greedy, selfish, and hypocritical side? What do You want me to do???

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde you are, ey?

But.. im reminded of 'whoever helps a servant of Allah, Allah will surely help him'.. and Rasulullah never declined a request, did he?

But this is not some personal matter! This is about serving the community! You should know better, dear self, coz you yourself have learnt what the attributes of a Muslim leader are.

Istikharah, Liyana, istikharah..

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I want to set my foot here. Seriously.

1. Mount Sinai in Egypt

To climb it and watch the sun rise.

2. Inuvik in Canada

To step into this mosque.

3. Cape Dezhnev and The Diomede Islands in Russia

To witness how life is like in the east-most point of Eurasia.

4. Kashgar in China

This travel blog photo's source is TravelPod page: Where are the Women?

To meet the people there.

Ya Allah, please allow me to go these places before I die.

I need to go on a spiritual journey.

I am fully aware of negative emotions bubbling inside me. Especially now, since the past few minutes.

I am not at peace with myself, ya Allah..

What is my motivation for waking up early?

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In response to Anonymous' comment:

I have none, actually. None that is strong, lasting enough. That is why I have been asking myself this. Am still looking for a reason.