Gambar di atas dipetik pada Hari Raya Haji tahun lepas. Kami, iaitu abang, mak, Aqila dan kite, solat raya di Masjid Pertempatan Melayu Sembawang. First time! Suka sangat dengan suasananya.

Ramai betul jemaah. Kite tak boleh solat, jadi kite duduk dekat tempat sukarelawan wanita menyediakan juadah. Usai khutbah, para jemaah dijamu dengan kari kambing cecah dengan roti perancis. Ooomph!

Selepas makan, senyum lebar lah kita semua. ^_^

Pada Hari Raya Haji tahun ini pula.. abang dan kite je yang pergi solat raya. Di masjid yang sama. Mak di Malaysia, Aqila di Mesir. Suami di Indonesia. Kena juga waktu kite tak boleh solat, jadi kite duduklah di kawasan yang sama. Kali ini, kite dapat bantu sikit-sikit untuk menyusun kotak-kotak air dan meletak roti perancis di atas pinggan.

Di sebelah tengahari, ikut abang dan kak maya ke rumah ibu Asri. Agar-agar cokolat yang ibu buat sangatlah sedap! Dapat tutorial ringkas dari Farah tentang bagaimana memakai shawl juga! Cukup teruja! Hehehe.. semua yang ada di situ kata cantik. "Pakai lah!" Waduuuhh.. terharu campur segan dengan pujian mereka tetapi cemas dengan galakan mereka! Sebab cantik lah kite tak nak pakai. Memadailah dengan style kite yang sekarang ini. Suami pun suka. Kite ingatkan diri kite sebab utama kite bertudung. Tak nak lah dipandang orang, dipuji orang. Hati kite mudah jadi bengkak, kepala kite mudah jadi besar, jadi kite cuba jauhkan diri. Kalau nak pakai shawl, untuk suami tengok je! (walaupun, bila fikir balik, buat apa nak pakai shawl di rumah, eh? hehe)

Kemudian kite berpisah dengan abang dan kak maya. Mengatur langkah ke rumah makcik suami. Semua keluarga terdekatnya berkumpul di situ. Meskipun suami tiada di sisi, tak rasa kekok. Mungkin kerana diri sudah biasa pergi ke sana ke sini sendirian sebelum berkahwin. Cuma perlu siapkan jawapan standard bila ditanya, "suami mana?" dan "kenapa awak tak ikut?". Di rumah cik Isa pun begitu, beri jawapan yang sama setiap kali dilontar soalan cepumas dan layan je bila disakat =p

Balik dengan abang, kak maya dan kak linda. Sampai rumah hampir jam 12 tengah malam. Penaaat (dan kenyang!).

Yang kite perasan di rumah mama dan rumah cik Isa, kebanyakkan lelaki mengenakan jubah dan kebanyakkan perempuan mengenakan jubah atau abaya hitam. Yang selalunya tidak memakai tudung, memakainya pada hari tu. Mungkin aura eidiladha tu sendiri yang membuat manusia mahu memakai pakaian yang lebih ringkas, sopan dan berkonsep Arab? :)



Alhamdulillah atas segalanya~

Two days ago, the camel figurine which I had kept for 2 years (and 23 days, to be exact) was broken. One moment my niece was holding it.. the next moment, I heard a thud, and there it was, on the floor, the body had lost its head. Most probably she had thrown it - I am not 100% sure coz I was looking at another direction.

I don't know why I kept this figurine for very long. It was the only one in the house - the rest are plush toys.. teddy bear, donkey, elephant, among other animals.. belonging to my niece - and there has always been that tug at back of my mind: I should not keep any figurines, otherwise the angels would not enter my home. But every time I considered discarding it into the bin, I stalled. For nostalgia.

I got the mini camel at a souvenir store at the base of Mount Sinai. There was a row of shops still open in the middle of the night. 2 of my friends wanted to buy batteries for their torchlights. We went to a shop manned by a Christian Arab (I immediately assumed that he was Christian because the displays in his shop were mainly Christianity-related stuff). I remember he complimented one of my friends' looks (she was not wearing a niqab) and gave each one of us a friendship band. And pieces of rock imprinted with shapes of trees; supposedly when God was about to reveal Himself upon Moses' request, the trees in the vicinity were so shaken with fear that they ran and hid behind/in rocks. I don't know how true the story is, and, even if it is, how authentic the rocks that were sold at the shop were. Well, never mind that. The shopkeeper was nice and friendly.. it was just a short encounter, yet I will remember his pleasant demeanor forever :) Oh, and one camel figurine. My friends did not want it.. they insisted I take it, as memory of my visit to Sinai.

Now that it's damaged, I'm feeling somewhat relieved; now I have a good reason to throw it away. And a bit sad.

So, ummm..

Goodbye, dear mini camel~

The simple act of him taking my hand into his, or holding his hand out for me to take it, makes me feel loved.

Alhamdulillah..~

Who would've thought that i would get a bottle of argan oil as a gift, just ~1 month after i bought one for a colleague and wished i have one too?

Allah hears me :')

Something about what he said, or the way he said it, ticked me off. My immediate response (in my head, of course. I am not one to say out loud. That'll be disrespectful, isn't?) was: don't assume. You don't know me well enough. You don't know all of me yet.

Maybe it was my ego that got brushed. I don't know. I'm now trying to tell myself over and over that it is Allah who is reminding me thru him, even though i feel i don't need a reminder about That. Coz i'm fully aware that That is what i'm working on. Probably he doesn't know coz probably i've not communicated it with him.

I shared what i shared to apply on my own life, my own domain. It was merely highlighting and sharing of info. I don't wish to impose on others. Because i hold on to the saying, 'be lenient with others, be hard with self'.

Sure, i can read up wide and deep. And choose the opinion whose evidence makes more sense to me. I already know that. I haven't read up wide and deep; what i have read so far is agreeable to my mind and heart, so i have made my choice.

Maybe it was my ego that got brushed. Astaghfirullah..

I need to listen more openly and not be sensitive. I am usually not sensitive but i guess, occasionally i get tired of holding up my wall.. that's when negative emotions slip in.

Need to build my wall thicker and taller, ey? To be a constant positive cheerful force.

Kadang2 kite rasa kite ni lurus bendul lah.

Tak boleh bohong. Telling half-truth je dah buat jiwa kite tak tenang. Blh risau satu hari.

Kadang2, kite cakap kat diri, enough with ur past lies and hidden truths. You can't afford to lie. Dah bertimbun dosa kat atas neraca!

What abt being street-smart, then? Short cut here, short cut there? Maybe im not meant to be like that. I just can't.

Alhamdulillah, Allah pelihara kite. Cumanya, kite sendiri perlu yakin kuat2 yang bila kite cakap benar, Dia akan bantu, akan bela, akan tunjuk jalan keluar. Dia tahu apa niat kite. Sebab kadang2 kite terpengaruh dgn ketidakpastian, bisikan was2.. jadi kite perlu constantly lawan. Penatlah layan perasaan dan fikiran2 negatif ni.

Allah nak test taqwa ni.. hmmm..

Just testing out the Blogger app which i'd downloaded some time ago.

Here i am, my mind frozen.. dont know how to piece my stories. I have a lot. Just dont know where to start. My thinking tank is revving up slowly. Pretty rusty. Could you hear it grinding? Kriik.. kriik..

I've indeed lost my momentum to write. I still want to! And i will, in shaa Allah..

I believe that he is indeed my other half. Alhamdulillahilladzi bi ni'matihi tatimmussolihaat :')

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It's the eve, and I'm busy typing an exam paper. Nak submit esok.

Belum gosok baju. Belum reapply inai (quite a disaster this afternoon). Belum vacuum (final!) bilik. Rumah belum betul2 kemas dan bersih.

OK best.

On the bright side, my bed looks pretty! All thanks to kak Maya~ Siap ada rose petals lagi. Tapi, nak tido nanti kenal kutip satu-persatu masuk dalam bekas. Apa kata kite beradu di atas sofa je? hehehehe..

Hmmm... nampaknya tak tido awal lah. Seperti malam-malam yang lepas. My 'Day Zero' started since Monday.. (extended punya Day Zero, eh!) Could feel the adrenaline since Monday. Couldn't sleep properly, fidgety, tangan gatal nak buat kerja sampai lewat malam.. Teringat RR'07 plak.


Ya Allah, saya penat. Sungguh, tiada daya dan tiada kekuatan melainkan denganMu.. Ya Allah, saya mohon kekuatan untuk melalui hari esok.


 

Feeling proud of myself right now. Finished painting the bedroom door..! Akhirnya!

Without abg's help, nor aqila's.

Sense of achievement lah :) a milestone gitu. Hehe..

Rasanya, first time kot kite cat tanpa pertolongan sape2. *pats own back* bagus lah, tak depend kat org lain kali ni.

Anyway! The painting blh tahan leceh eh. 2nd coat, 3rd coat.. still tak even at some parts. Buat lagi. Dabbed here, swished there.

I kept my mind occupied by occasional litanies and self-motivational talk in my head (like, why i am painting the door when it wasnt THAT necessary in the first place.. i do it coz im gonna stay in that room for a long time so i want it to be pleasant, for my future childran [jauh eh pikir] who will go in and out, coz nak sambut org baru so kena lah nampak decent sikit)

At the end of the 1.5hrs (kot? I know it was more than an hr), i was quite satisfied. That's it!

Put away the materials. Scrubbed away the paint on my hands and feet (it's enamel paint. Warggh! Susah nak hilang).. now, what am i going to do next?

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created a new folder

Am I loyal or whaatt..? =D

 

You. Must. Try. To let go, Liyana.

You've got 6 boxes of these to clear.

**sayaaaaaang nak buang! Sobs**

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happy new year~

Started to wipe clean the other closet 7 minutes to midnight.

As i was wiping, i reflected how my year had been. The biggest highlight, i must say, was the event that led up to me cleaning this closet tonight. The unexpected journey that Allah has made me go thru..

And then, i teared. "Alaa akuunu 'abdan syakuraa???" Terngiang2 terus.. how have i shown my gratitude? Have i held on and turn to Him subhanahu wa ta'ala? Have i become better spiritually thru this journey?

I could only frown and look down..


To a better self in 2014, in shaa Allah!

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