It's like I've forgotten how to carry a conversation. Or start one.
This past week, I did a series of tests with my co-worker. It's been a long time since we did an assignment together. We have our own individual work domain and usually attachment students would do the QC tests. Currently we don't have any students, so she and I have to help out. Not long after we started the first test, I became aware of the silence. I realised I had nothing to share with her about. I used to have. Oh, we did talk a bit about trivial matters (to me, lah).. but that was it, I guess.
And today, I had usrah session with 3 friends. One of them, I had been wanting to meet and catch up for like.. 2 months? But when she was beside me, I noticed, again, that I didn't have anything to say to her. It bothered me quite a bit. I mean, I didn't want her to think I was ignoring her. One (big) part of me didn't feel like speaking at all (read: lazy, 'heavy tongue'), while another was urging to find a topic, a question, something substantial to share with/ask her. Then, I just thought to myself, "you know what, just stop trying. Simply enjoy her company. That'll do." After that, I was more calm.
I am beginning to think if this is the result of me working alone most of the time. Like I mentioned just now, my colleagues and I, we have our own set of tasks, and usually one is at building A, another at building B and the other at another area altogether. Even if we're in the same lab, we would be doing different things, so talk time is minimal there. I find myself keeping silent when we're not discussing about work. Like, I am not interested to ask you something or tell you what I did last night. But, if you ask me something, or tell me something, I'll respond enthusiastically and join in the casual conversation.
Plus, I don't get involved in social projects, unlike when I was younger. In classes that I attend, I usually just smile at my neighbour. If it's someone that I already know, I would chat her up, of course.. but it always stops short. Hmmm...
People say I am friendly. Truthfully, it takes effort. These days, takes even more effort. I ran out of ideas and content pretty fast.
I can feel my communication skills deteriorating. Either my thoughts are swirling endlessly in my mind, or it's empty. I need to talk more, open up more.
Having said all of the above, I want you to know this: if I am silent around you, it doesn't mean there's something about you that is irritating me or I want to ignore you. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with my silence, I just can't help it sometimes. Please know that I appreciate your presence.
This past week, I did a series of tests with my co-worker. It's been a long time since we did an assignment together. We have our own individual work domain and usually attachment students would do the QC tests. Currently we don't have any students, so she and I have to help out. Not long after we started the first test, I became aware of the silence. I realised I had nothing to share with her about. I used to have. Oh, we did talk a bit about trivial matters (to me, lah).. but that was it, I guess.
And today, I had usrah session with 3 friends. One of them, I had been wanting to meet and catch up for like.. 2 months? But when she was beside me, I noticed, again, that I didn't have anything to say to her. It bothered me quite a bit. I mean, I didn't want her to think I was ignoring her. One (big) part of me didn't feel like speaking at all (read: lazy, 'heavy tongue'), while another was urging to find a topic, a question, something substantial to share with/ask her. Then, I just thought to myself, "you know what, just stop trying. Simply enjoy her company. That'll do." After that, I was more calm.
I am beginning to think if this is the result of me working alone most of the time. Like I mentioned just now, my colleagues and I, we have our own set of tasks, and usually one is at building A, another at building B and the other at another area altogether. Even if we're in the same lab, we would be doing different things, so talk time is minimal there. I find myself keeping silent when we're not discussing about work. Like, I am not interested to ask you something or tell you what I did last night. But, if you ask me something, or tell me something, I'll respond enthusiastically and join in the casual conversation.
Plus, I don't get involved in social projects, unlike when I was younger. In classes that I attend, I usually just smile at my neighbour. If it's someone that I already know, I would chat her up, of course.. but it always stops short. Hmmm...
People say I am friendly. Truthfully, it takes effort. These days, takes even more effort. I ran out of ideas and content pretty fast.
I can feel my communication skills deteriorating. Either my thoughts are swirling endlessly in my mind, or it's empty. I need to talk more, open up more.
Having said all of the above, I want you to know this: if I am silent around you, it doesn't mean there's something about you that is irritating me or I want to ignore you. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with my silence, I just can't help it sometimes. Please know that I appreciate your presence.
