take 2

this morning..


"ok, liyana gi dulu.."
(salam mak dan ayah)
"hari ni ada program tak?"
"takde"
"mak dengan ayah ada program hari ni, pergi..."
"esok pulak?"
"esok takde program. liyana ada program..?.."
"errr.. ada"
"program apa pulak..?"
"meeting"
...
..
.
"dia ada assignment tu kan..?"
"oh, assignment eh?"
"aaaa... bukan. assignment lain hari. ni meeting... dgn N** ikh**n"
...
"takpelah" (as in, boleh lah tu)
"mmm.. okay boleh"
"yang kat sini glo**l ikh**n.. yang kat sana n** ikh**n"
...
"betul? ayah redha?"
"redha..!"
"ohh.. takut ayah tak redha eh?"
"mestilah.. kalau ayah tak redha, susah sey"
..
..
as i was going out of the main door,
"bila ikh**n nak habis nih?.."
"uhhh.. bila dah habiis sekolah baru boleh habis.."

dislaimer: again, this is not the exact script. cut some parts. and i didn't include the expression bit and tone. kinda hard to describe. coz i don't want to give the wrong idea, eg the first part of the conversation, it wasnt that plain. but i just don't know how to describe it further.

nonetheless, alhamdulillah.. =)

Got this email on Monday, 27 oct 2008, 2226hrs

hi all,
This email is sent to notify you that michael sir want to see all the seniors/fighters on tuesday 28 october during training for the preparation of the upcoming IVP.

thank you and hope to see all of you there

IVP 2009, should i go for it??

deep, deep, down, i know the answer is 'no'. tapi diri ni macam tak boleh terima gitu. itu nafsu kot.

*one long sigh~~~*

the Eric Cantona vs The Devil video

saw this ad way back in the 1990s.. kan? i remember i was in the early primary level.. my bro peminat advertisement nih. so kite pun peminat. *mcm betOl* anyway, this ad is classic lah sey~




apparently, Nike got a few other cool ads featuring their star players.









*chuckles*

take 1

on Monday, 27 oct, 11 plus at night..



"tadi balik pukul berapa?"

"pukul 8 gitu.."

"ada meeting-meeting lagi tak?"

"ummm.. this week, ada."

"kan ayah dah kata, jgn join benda-benda ni lagi..!.."

"..............."





(disclaimer, not the exact script. short term memory uh.)





i kept quiet alright.

i didnt dare to explain.

hmmm...

fought back the sense of fear. regret. sadness.

the other side of me imagined this:

"if you want me to quit, just say it straight to my face, dad. and i will quit."

another side whispered:

"calm down, dear self. try to explain. discuss. share."

but i chose to keep my head down and pretend nothing affected me.

coz i knew, if i tried to explain at that particular moment, i would have broken down. or his temper would build up.

another side of me keep replaying:

"i thought he has understood."

another said:

"he has a lot on his mind. so you must be patient. even if it means you have to repeat a thousand times."

and, another one said:

"you yourself know, which amanah is bigger!"

then,

i thought of sitting in the dark and called someone.

the bulk was suddenly sooo overwhelming.

i wanted to let it all out. out. OUT!

but no.

i had no privacy.

i couldn't just call anyone and blurt this out.

no no no..

i didn't cry myself to sleep.

coz i told myself,

"pejuang tak boleh menangis!"

"pejuang tak boleh menangis!"

"pejuang tak boleh menangis!"

i just need to find a solution.

i must not quit.

not yet.

there must be a way.

hmm..

what happened could be a sort of punishment. a reminder.

what happened could also be a blessing in disguise. a stronger push for me to go forward.

hmm..

"Suhaib reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Strange are the ways of a believer for there is good in every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone else except in the case of a believer for if he has an occasion to feel delight, he thanks (God), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shows resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good for him in it."*

i want to be a believer (mu'min)

*sohih Muslim (042:7138)

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW THAT

I AM SUSPENDING FORWARDEDEMAILS.BLOGSPOT FOR THE TIME BEING.

(kinda hard to maintain. even this blog is seldom updated. hopefully, forwardedemails.blogspot will be back some time in 2009.)

happenings

1. went to 2 walimahs this weekend. missed both nikah ceremonies -.-" yesterday was at woodlands. kak khairun's. went with huda and khadijah. and terserempak dgn kak ummu, kak aishah and juwai at the interchange.

bila tgh jalan towards the blocks of flats tu, dari jauh... "eh? tu makcik kantin!".. haha.. boleh tahan kuat kita2 cakap. tapi nasib baik makcik2 tu tak dgr. siapa nama diorang eh, dijah? cik zaiton, cik zainab? lagi satu sape eh? haha.. kita pon salam lah mereka. and they remembered us "eh! ni yang tahun lepas kan?" "bukan cik, kita tahun lepas punye lepas punye lepas" haha..

bila sampai at the MPH, jumpe kawan2 dan juga some familiar faces of my seniors from alsagoff.. esp zakiah and syarafina~ as i pointed out to huda "mcm mak pengantin eh, salam2 orang.."

anyway, we waited for kak khairun to arrive.. and when she did, we were all ready with our cameras (not me tho', i think im getting 'out-of-sync' with cameras) and eager to take picture with her.

ooohh! wait, i must say this. men with simple baju melayu, with the songkok (tapi jgn tinggi sgt pls) and the samping are just.. *melts* hehe.. plus, if they perform the 'silat pengantin'.. *melts even more* k lah, senang cakap, sejuk mata memandang bila pemuda2 melayu berpakaian tradisional. simple2 je tau. takyah nak tanjak lah.. samping yang ikatannye fancy2 lah.. brooch sane brooch sini. or fabric baju/samping yang flashy2. ish. and i've always liked the 'silat part'. makes me wanna join in. haha, as if..

and may i add more.. i have this equation ah:

baju melayu shj = tak best
baju melayu shj + rambut style2 or dyed = merepek
baju melayu + samping = acceptable lah jugak
baju melayu + samping + rambut natural colour + songkok = ni lah baru namanya jejaka melayu! =p

k, next!

masa tgh tunggu budak2 kompang (budak2 eh? padahal bukan) habis diorang punye singing/kompang routine, aszafirah sempat reminisced and joked "haha... silap2 kak khairun kata 'zikir semua!'.. hehehehe" it's an inside joke - kak khairun was our muraqibah musollah. klw kita berbual je, disuruh zikir.. "banat! zikir!" or.. "banat! uskutna!" kadang2 kak khairun lead bacaan zikir. or sape2 dari budak2 sec4 ah. or pelajar yang baca iqamah/doa. hehe.. bila teringat balik nih, mcm nak gelak sey. *k, kite tgh tersengih sorang2 dpn komputer*

supposed to be an 'informal gathering' for us sec42005.. but apparently, kita tak janji what time to be there.. so yupz, not successful. hmmm... should have a gathering next year.. before people start flying off to wherever..

then, today (sunday), went to kak zakiah zar'an's wedding.. kat masjid sultan. i knew the nikah ceremony would start at 9am. but i left my house at that time. bagus eh? nampak sah miss the nikah lerrr.. and yupz. when i arrived, the ceremony had just ended. didnt get to see kak zakiah.. followed the sisters to the reception area.. ate, talked, listened... and then, i had to take my leave. hmm.. rasa tak best gitu tak dpt jumpa kak zakiah. only passed my gift to her mother. takpe lah~~

one thing to note, a few sisters were writing their own wedding cards and giving to their friends. tak sangka pulak kite dijemput. hmmm... taking from begum farah's words, "im just a small fry". so yah, rase touched jugak.

2. am reading Turki Negara Dua Wajah: Pengkhianatan Atarturk Terhadap Dunia Islam by Dr Abdullah Azzam.

uwow - really opens my eyes to who mustapha kamal atarturk was.. hmm.. the first time i knew about him was from buku Sejarah Islam yang tebal, colour biru tu. itu pon, cuma mention that atarturk was the one who changed turki into a republic.

so, when i first saw the review at ust sakinah's blog, i became curious about him. and then, kak afifah also shared what she knows about what he did during his reign. hmm.. interesting. so yupz, i decided to borrow the book from ust sakinah.

3. i have 9 more weekdays left of SIP. i never tell you my SIP story, do i? perhaps when it's over, i'll try to share about it here. in summary, i enjoy my SIP, but Major Project brings me back to reality.

4. visited ust sakinah with marl on friday 16th oct. had a wonderful time there. relaks, chill.. laughed our heads off.. *mak ust sakinah selamba je eh*.. haha.. a nice ending for my and marl's week.

5. this year's aidilfitri was.. hmm.. uneventful. this whole syawal has been uneventful. comparing to previous rayas in terms of raya visiting, this one has to be at the bottom of the list. no pictures to capture this year's raya moments, too. im not sure if i should be upset about it.

6. but i did go raya visiting with my sec42005 mates. only 11 of us. but it was definitely okay! lots of reminiscing.. and you can trust the zaf-dja-mel trio to crack jokes about everything! heheheheh.. gelagat2 ustaz dan ustazah (like, ust juliah's 'hafidzti am laaaaaaakkkk??!!... tau nak markah je, tapi hafal tak nak!... klw tak bayar yuran, tak boleh claim markah!'..aiseyman, ust cute lah).. haha.. diorang ingat aje!

yang paling tak boleh angkat -

kita2 tgh makan kat rumah ust damawiyah. aisyah is tgh 'berinteraksi' dgn huda, my adik angkat/scandal junior. tahu2 je, kamaliah blurted out, "huda dah tak suka kak liyana ke??" mak oi! nasib baik gwe tak tersedak. we all burst out laughing, alright. "direct, sey, cakap!" (padahal ust dama ade kat situ eh! tak ke paisey?) haha.. 'inside story' lagi. tapi kat lain post kite cerita eh. coz it's a loongg story.

the last house that we went to was sir Ali's. kat dover road. yang touchingnyer, he remembers my name. yang guiltynyer, he didnt quite remember the rest of the names. oops. so we reintroduced ourselves and updated him briefly where we are currently studying (DQ.. NUS.. RP.. TP.. MWTI.. Ma'arif.. KUIS..).

you know what, i kinda forgot to 'apply' my self-imposed curfew on that day. i was enjoying myself, alright! pukul sebelas gitu baru keluar dari rumah sir Ali.. thank God the bus service was still available, so me and kak ummu took bus and then mrt home. the rest took cab. "kenapa baru sekarang nak call?" gulp. that was at 11.45pm, using kak ummu's hp to call home. well, i had called at 9 plus, if im not mistaken. hmm.. the moral of the story: "lain kali kena talipon every 15 minutes gitu. update, kat mane, kat mane.." << k, that wasn't the exact words.. but you get what i mean.. gotta keep them informed. hmm.. my bad.

okay, i guess that is all for 'happenings'. i wanna write about something else.

yang dah lama tak jumpa

alhamdullillah~ akhirNYA, setelah dua percubaan, aku dapat jejakkan kaki ke Changi Airport pada pukul 11 lebih malam, 9 okt 2008.

yeSSA!

bukan seorang, tapi berdua.

heheh.. dgn afeyah ler.. dia bawak adiknya jugak, bahirah.

tujuan: nak kirim barang kat sahabat yang nun jauh di Kahirah (say it with me, people, QO.HI.ROH. haha).

sebelum ni, nak hantar kawan2 gi mesir tak boleh (terkilan sgt2!!). dah tu, syria pon tak leh jugak. mostly sebab takde transport balik (ye, abang saya ade kereta. tapi beliau tolak habis bila minta fetch pagi2 buta, ye).

k takpe.

bila sampai tu, tak ramai lah orang yang bersangkut-paut dgn mesir2 nih. so, kita2 jalan2 sekejap. bila nak sampai bookshop, nampak beberapa muslimah.. diorang pandang2 kita, kita pon pandang2 jugak. tapi sayang ah, kite tak pasti klw kite kenal diorang ke tak (disebabkan cermin mata yang mmg dah kena tukar~). manelah tau, rupe2nye akhawat yang dah lama lost touch!

dah tu, kita gi coffee bean, tunggu encik watib sekeluarga sampai.

anyway, alhamdulillah sekali lagi sebab............

kite dapat jumpa kak raudhah (aljunied). whee~ gembira dpt jumpa dia. rasa mcm dah lama sgt. then, she reminded me that we met kat alkaff tahun lepas. ooohh, ye tak ye eh. dapat jugak berbual dgn dia. tahun dua klw tak silap. usuluddin.

selepas tu, jeng jeng jeng~

kak fathiah!!!

waaahhh~ terharu habis bila nampak dia. hugged her tight. tanya khabar.. berbual jugak. sharing experiences. hmmm.. persevere, k, kak. yes! habiskan apa yang telah dimulakan. kalau ditakdirkan bukan di sana, anti jgn putus asa! ilmu tu kat mana2 ada. yang penting, kita yang betol2 usaha untuk cari dan jaga (eh, tapi kesihatan pon kena jaga jugak). kak fathiah boleh!!

then.... jumpa kak fadhilah pulak. =D sukerrrr... rasanya, dah 3-4 tahun tak jumpa. walaupon dia still dok kat singapore, kat tampines. aiyo~ she's now in SIM, taking econs. uWoW~!

hmmm... dlm satu malam, Allah izinkan pertemuan2 ini. malam tu. bukan malam2 yang lain. thinking back, yes, tak rugi kite gi, even tho bila on the way tu, mata rasa berat. badan pon penat (i left work ard 8, sampai rumah, makan, solat, dah tu keluar semula). terharu~ terharu~

which reminds me, of the recent and not-so-recent meetings yang tak diduga dgn kawan2 yang dah lama kite tak jumpa.

i remember, the last sunday before raya, kat bazaar geylang, i met fashihah, yang dah.. ntah 2 tahun, kot, tak nampak. sukerrrr sgt! selepas tu, tgh crowded2 kat luar pasar geylang, and i was searching for gerai jual air katira, terserempak dgn izyani! Ya Allah.. tak terkata... kita terpisah sejak dari january 2006. tahu2 je, dia and suraya dah gi kelantan (eh, or is it terengganu??). klw cuti sekolah, mesti clash. tak dpt jumpa. so, yeah, kat situ jugak kite berpelukan (and me, dgn rasa terharu tak habis2), tanya khabar. haiz~ tak nak lepas la.. can? heh.

k, i have a feeling i met another person that day too.. tapi tak ingat. errrgghh~ oh, kak sarah and ain from NP/tmsn pon terjumpe jugak =)

another friend, kak raudhah (mwti). bila dia masuk kat dlm bilik konferens time iftar impian tu.. bukan main senyum je kite. betol lah.. tak sangka dia boleh ada kat situ. she's in marsah now (and i thought she was in azhar. aiyo~). terhibur sgt dgn gelagatnya yang ever funny! hehe

going back... i met teacher faizah in TP! of all places, eh? i remember, i was tired.. tapi kena jugak gi sekolah sebab nak kasi balik buku2 library. dah tu, solat kat musollah admin. sekali, teacher masuk. "ni teacher faizah kan?".. and she remembers me! *wheee~~* she was there with her cousin, got some stuff to do, then going to a relative's house, klw tak silap. sementara tunggu isya', did some catching up with her. she's now a teacher kat... errr.. anglican school.. yang kat tanah merah tu. btw, she was from TP. budak engine. and she was on TP's magazine for being one the top students in her course or something. after she graduated from TP, she taught us.. ape eh?.. math kan?.. in sec 3. then, she went to NTU.. tup2, dah graduate =)

gi jauh lagi.. back to bro hafiz M's walimah.. i was eating at my table, with kak idahyu beside me, when i saw a familiar figure.. she was with her sister.. kat buffet table.. tak lain dan tak bukan, ia adalah......... suraya..!! uwaahhh... feelingnya mcm feeling jumpa izyani. i was speechless for few seconda ah. pikir2 balik, i hope no one noticed two girls over at the buffet table hugging each other and one was about to go emo (ehem~).. haha.. it was great to finally meet her again, albeit for few minutes.

this kind of meetings, kan, brings happiness.. hati mcm berbunga2 gitu. faham tak? klw tak, takpe. it makes my day too~ indeed, i am ever grateful of these moments. bila jumpa tu, terdetik dlm hati, "Ya Allah, terima kasih, terima kasih, terima kasih kerana menemukan kami semula.. dan di atas rasa rindu yang Kau letakkan dlm hati2 kami, yang membuatkan kami belajar untuk merasai sabar.. tabah.. dan akhirnya, dgn pertemuan ini, rasa ni'mat mempunyai dia sebagai kawan."

mungkin ade lagi yang kite dapat jumpa these past few months.. tapi tak teringat pulak siapa dan di mana..

oh... tiba2 kan, i was thinking... who do i look forward to seeing next...? wajah kak shazwani huzir, kak fairuz, kak raihana, kak hafizah came to mind. hmm.. suatu hari nanti, inshaAllah~

ohh again, during one of the nights at ghufran, jumpe hurda zubir (dia dah tunang lah sey..) and safiyyah & munirah~ then, sunday yang baru lepas ni, dapat jumpa juwai! last week, jumpa kak diyana nasir kat nus (ooo~ i wonder how kak nadiah is doing.. ni pon kite look forward to seeing).

i wonder, with whom will i cross paths tomorrow?

^_^