Get lost in Allah first, liyana.. boleh?

Don't taint it. You dont want the barakah to be taken away. So, please, liyana, take good care of yourself. Be spiritually and mentally ready.

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Perempuan kena tegas ok? Kena. Tegas.

Cakap yg perlu je. Ttg perkara2 yg perlu je.

Komunikasi memang penting. Kite faham sangat2.

Tapi kite takut. Tak tahu mana nak draw the line. Kite takut kite terpijak over the line. Perbualan biasa2, topik biasa2, tapi hati tak biasa, kan? Ada rasa terusik, tak?

Tak nak menyakiti. Mcm mana kite sampaikan msg ni secara subtle, eh? Definisi 'perkara yg perlu' bagi kite, blh jadi ia berbeza bagi orang lain.

Aku mahu tegas kerana Mu, ya Rabb! Aku sangat2 takut akan azabMu. Aku takut aku menjadi fitnah kpd seseorg. Aku takut aku jadi lemah. Biarlah, jika orang itu dan orang2 lain fikir aku ni syadid. Jagalah hatiku, ya Rabbiiii.. :'(




*feeling pelik, x selesa, 'hmmm', irritated-with-self-coz-i-sense-im-starting-to-enjoy-the-exchange*
*k, get back to work*

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Pagi2 ni, filling my stomach with dates still left over frm ramadhan and some cherries.

First time dlm seumur hidup makan cherry segar! Many2 months ago when kak khad shared that fresh cherries are *delicious*, i was skeptical AND curious.
Selama ni kan, makan cherry yg atas kek tu.. which i dont fancy.

Ada rezki bulan ni, kite beli lah satu paket.. rasanya?

Tak lah manis mcm longan atau blackberry.. sipi2 je. Masam sgt pun tidak. Maybe the cherries frm this particular farm memang bukan jenis yg juicy+manis gils.

Nevertheless, now i know what it tastes like!

I wonder where to get those oh-so-yummy ones as described by kak khad..

On another note, this morning im feeling extra alert, while at the same time, physically tired. Just cant go back to sleep!

Last night, after the guest had left, after bro filled me in with details and his inputs.. i felt overwhelmed. I really thought i wouldnt be able to sleep, since my brain was activelytthinking this and that. Sat at the living room, contemplating.. it was prolly almost 1am.

Mum asked if i would like to share what was on my mind. So i did. My concerns, worries, hopes.. alhamdulillah sgt2 dapat keluarkan apa yg terbuku kat hati. I dont usually share intimate stuff and my deep thoughts with my mum, but this time, i know it was the right moment and i just had be mature and honest abt it.

I returned to my room. A bit more of contemplation. Then i crashed. The last time i checked my hp, it was abt 15 min past 2am. Nyenyak, alhamdulillah ^_^

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I spotted this quote in FB newsfeed earlier this evening:

"Keep praying for what it is you seek. Impossibility and possibility are merely concepts of your mind, to Allah nothing is impossible"

On another note, with Allah, nothing is impossible.


So what is it, Liyana, that you are looking for? Don't stop asking Allah for it, ok?

Riyadhussolihin

Selepas lebih dari sebulan, akhirnya, kitab Riyadhussolihin sampai juga ke tangan kite ^___^

Kite tengah ikuti kelas pembacaan kitab Riyadhussolihin kendalian Tradisi Halaqah cawangan Muslimah, di Darul Furqan. Baru bab 3 atau 4.. sebab sebelum mula kitab ni, kita baca kitab Tuhfah Azhariah dulu.. kemudian, sempat baca sampai bab 3 atau 4 then hiatus, sebab kak Halimah gi Tarim. Ni dia baru balik, inshaAllah will be resuming the class tomorrow!

Masa mula2 kelas berlangsung, macam reunion. Kak Halimah ada, kak Mariam ada, kak Mardhiyah ada, 'Adilah ada, kak Shaista pon pernah turun sekali! Allah.. rasanya dah bertahun tak jumpa dia. Rezki dapat jumpa tahun ni. Rupa2nya, dia duduk di Penang bersama suami dan dua anaknya. My memory of her masih 'stuck' kat MKS, jadi susah sikit nak imagine dia sudah berkeluarga! hehe..

Kelas ni tak lah seperti kelas Syamail, di mana guru terangkan sekali makna hadith. It's purely 'reading', sekali sekala je pause klw ada point2 yang berfaedah or relevant. Hmm.. ok lah jugak. Kita yang kena rajin baca makna (dan cuba fahamkan) pada masa lapang. Speaking of which, kite belum habis baca! Huhu.. masih rilek2 baca the first few pages of kitab terjemahan terbitan Pustaka Nasional. Tuan penterjemah ada masukkan section  'Mustholah Hadith', jadi itu lah yang sedang kite baca.. revise balik ilmu yang pernah kite belajar 8 tahun lalu *gasp! dah 8 tahuuunnn..?* Useful! Baarakallahu fiihim!

Anyway, so, on 31 July, I met up with Afza after tarawih to collect the book. Tengok beg plastiknya je terus... teringat Mesir. Awwwwwww.... Masa kat sana tahun lepas, A'feyah ada pesan beli buku banyak2, tapi, hati tak terbukak untuk beli ape2. Nampak gedung Darussalam kat Husain, tapi tak teringin time tu untuk jejakkan kaki ke dalam. Sekarang, ada lah rasa "what if..". Apa pun, qaddarallah! Suatu hari bila kite ke sana lagi, inshaAllah, kite nak check out the bookstore.

Actually, ingatkan Afra & Afza masih tinggal kat blok sebelah. Rupa2nya, keluarga mereka dah pindah ke Johor.. postpone punye postpone, alhamdulillah, dapat jugak jumpa malam tu. Syukran kathiran kepada Afza kerana tolong bawa + simpankan dan kepada Ummu Aiman kerana belikan, dan kepada sesiapa sahaja yang involved yang mungkin kite tak tahu. Semoga bagi antum pahala yang terus mengalir.. selagi mana kite belajar kitab ni dan selagi mana kite amalkan apa yang kite pelajari dari hadith2 yang ada di dalam :')

Dah tu, excited sangat so dalam mrt kite belek2 kitab.. kite baca muqaddimah oleh Imam Nawawi.. sampai ke perenggan ni, terus kite terkedu:

Makna:

Sebab kan masa tu kite tercari2, kepingin2, untuk sembuhkan hati kite yang sedang sakit ni. Hati ni tengah sakit sangat2

Allah terus beri jawapan. Ya, kite perlu istiqamah hadirkan diri dalam kelas Riyadhussolihin ni khususnya dan majlis2 ilmu amnya, duduk bersama kawan2 yang baik, dalam suasana yang baik. Inilah satu cara yang ada untuk kite pulihkan diri kite. I am still hopeful that one day, Allah will give me the opportunity to go on a journey, traverse the world to seek meanings, to search my soul, and to learn.

feels good to be back..

.. to this place which played a significant part in my childhood and adolescence.

I'm feeling warmth, fondness, sadness, gratefulness.. a blend of emotions.. somewhat longing to view the past.

I'm glad i came here. Alone. To be with myself. Seeking solace.

Even more glad that i get to be at the 2nd level.. turns out the 1st floor is converted to male section temporarily in Ramadhan. The 2nd level musolla holds a lot of memories. Ahh.. wish i can slowly play them back.

And tonight, i shall fall asleep staring at those familiar lines of brown 'bookshelves', as i call the ceiling. ^_^

Tusbihiina 'alal khair!

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