last day of school

turns out that there are pictures of the sec4's crying..but not hugging..oh well, nvm.. anyway, enjoy the pictures!


most of the sec4's were present in school =)
me



the sec4's with sir ali, our maths teacher.
me



budak2 tuition dgn sir ali
me



with the sec1 students..
me



with sec2B students
me



with sec3A students
me



with sec3B students
me



dah nk nangis ke??? oo..terharu..
me



sob..sob..isk~isk~
me



hugs n smiles!
me



MORE PICTURES!

gonna stop for a while.

ANNOUNCEMENT: IM GOING TO STOP BLOGGING FOR A WHILE. UNTIL MY O LEVEL EXAMS ARE OVER. SO, DONT EXPECT TO FIND ANY NEWS FROM ME. THIS IS GOING TO BE MY LAST ENTRY BEFORE IM OFFICIALLY INACTIVE.

this is going to be a simple entry:

- my final-year examination's percentage: 89.4%

- last day of school, friday 141005, wasnt a total bore. it was emotional at the end of the day. pity that no one took pictures of us crying n hugging each other.

- o level biology practical exam was a disaster..hmm..i couldnt find a better word or worse. my hands were practically shaking the whole time. my table was a mess. helter-skelter. i was in haste, though i tried to keep calm. n i left a 5-marks-worth question unanswered. out of 40, there is a high chance that i'll get 15-28. *sad..so sad* eh! an aljunied student was there too. i recognised him from last year's quiz at aljunied..budak pandai ar~

- n just now, arabic paper 1..oh! i chose the television topic. yikes! i dont know a LOT of vocab associated with television! jd hentam je ah..! uslub?? forget it! another one is letter writing, nothing much in the content part..i dunno..out of 45 i may get 25-35..but i wont know it, would i?? coz the result slip will not show the marks! duh.. i believe the hall was filled with 100% madrasah students..n alumni..seeing them especially the smart ones..from aljunied, wak tanjong etc.. whoa~ sungguh membuatku sedar bahawa aku nie tk lah sepandai mana..plus, aku memang sedar yg aku nye bahasa arab sungguh tk bagus..sungguh peringkat primary..sungguh..sungguh..ntah! ape lagi??..bukanlah maksudnye aku rasa tercabar.. tp baguslah..jd aku tk rasa over-confident ataupun confident. yg aku boleh ngaku aku pandai ialah nahu..i'rab pon boleh tahan ar~ saraf..err..lower sikit drpd nahu..insha' n compre?? alahai~ nie yg aku lemah semangat..part nie lah yg aku sungguh tk expert..waaaahh~~ lagi satu, ujian jugak..puasa2 nie..kena jaga mata..n then, kt sana sini ade tolib..ish~ rasa berdosa betol! susah kan, nk jaga pertuturan, tingkah laku biler rajul ade?!

- arabic paper 2 261005, bml paper 1 n 2 311005. biler pikir pasal MATH n SASTERA..ooooo seramnye! naik panik sey..betol! lagi less than 2 weeks nie!! AAAAAAAAAAAA....!

ok, gtg! oh..gmbr last day of school later me letak kt sini.
Assalamu alaikum semua!

HOW BORING CAN SCHOOL BE???!!

yeah, im dead bored right now..good thing im not even close to dead..still alive n cheery! hehe..

sejak duduk dlm class td pukul 7 lebih, me terus bukak buku bio...mengadap buku tu je ah sampai pukul 12 lebih..of course, in between me dozed off..2 kali! satu beberape minit je..lagi satu, 1 jam! waaahhh~~

me slow ah blaja! tk ter-memorize fakta2 yg ade! semalam..me terpikir, kenape lah me ambik bio in the first place?? betul ke me boleh buat??? betul?? boleh?? melihatkn kpd keadaan skrg nie, mcm tk boleh je! astaghfirullah~

ok ok..buat mase nie, tu je me nk cakap..sekadar nk melepaskan boredom!..anyway, about the new blog..im working on it right now. havent edited the template much. even the tagboard's empty. but, i'll just tell you the temporary url: www.share-the-info.blogspot.com visit it if you want!

all tensed up -_-'

ok. i got a C. capital CEMERLANG. that's it. that's all i can say. im being careful now, so as to not start blurting out words that might shatter the defence im building against myself.

anyway, i started to tense up when ust damawiyah began talking about the results. i started to think of my own result, my classmates'..n the thoughts flew to other places too..like, the fact that im leaving the school (again..again..n again!) suddenly i wasnt looking forward to watch the syarahan vcd. suddenly i was quiet when my classmates were laughing their heads off right behind me. suddenly im moodless.

right after watching the vcd, we received the result slips..ust damawiyah made it a bit 'special' coz she put them in envelopes..that's nice of her. even before she went out of the class, some of us had opened it. i immediately heard a shriek from the back row. it was kak hairani..her face was flushed. but i was looking at fatin who was behind her. n asikin. i went to asikin. she failed. so was fatin. (notice that im using past tense?) kak hairani passed! alhamdulillah~ she actually cried.. oh~ kak hairani, im very happy for you.

the scene changed. some were fidgety.some lowered their heads. some are just plain relaxed. some formed groups. n i was all tensed up. i kept turning my head around. to see the people around me. i hadnt opened my envelope. coz i know i would be very disappointed. yet, i know, my troubled heart was caused by something else..not just that. i felt that something was wrong.i couldnt concentrate on my readings.i stood up, walked about. felt like getting out of the class. fast. before i broke down or something. i stood at the back..i just stared..maisarah came up to me. she said, "dont cry." she shook my body hard. i didnt cry, though my eyes were starting to swell up with tears.

ya Allah! what's wrong with me?? why am i this way??? actually, how should i be feeling??

i went to the toilet. washed my face..hoping that the water would ease the uneasiness..then, i called home, asking my parents' permission to open the envelope. green light. i walked back to class. i sat down. took the envelope out of my bag. opened the seal. as i was doing so, i wished that someone might've opened it for me. (god! i havent felt like this before! why have i?? why??)..then i saw the words. CEMERLANG. a BIG PANG of disappointment.oh! i could feel it now. blood came rushing. from where, to where..i dunno..i quickly put away the paper. suddenly, i felt that this was too much (to think of it..what was too much?! you exaggerated too much liyana! you're better off than the others! so shut up! what's the fuss?!) i took deep breathes. tears started to roll..silent tears. i continued reading the storybook that was in front of me. i wiped the tears away. it stopped flowing. well~ it wasnt flowing, it was trickling down my cheeks, to be exact.

i just read the words from the book until the bell rang. then, there were only a few of us in the class..sat in a group..i wasnt there long..i went to get kamaliah's camera from ust Zauwiah..few minutes after that..we went to the hall where other students had just finished zohor prayers.

i took the mike. told everyone to sit n calm down. then started my so-called speech. it was me, again. how come i always have to make the speech?! ish~ balik2 muke liyana! bukannye berkesan sgt me ckp! tk pandai menyusun kate2..nanti end up me lecture org plak! anyway..i dont want to recall what i said..but my speech was a bit intermittent. paham2 je ah~ i was getting emotional..ish~ nk maintain pon susah! apart from myself, kamaliah n maisarah did put up a few words..with humor in it..unlike me. *psst..sape2 baik boleh brtahu kt tagboard ape yg ana, kamaliah n maisarah ckp..bleh tk? nanti ana tmbh kt sini.* ended the speech with bacaan fatihah untuk kejayaan sec4s in the O's n kejayaan pelajar2 yg lain in SA2..hmmm~

after that. PHOTOTAKING SESSION!! yeah~ the mood changed. from sad to happy. from solemn to..umm..happy again?..we started with budak2 1989..cewah~ mcm2 pose kite buat..i was happy that budak2 1989 dpt kumpul same2 balik..yelah..kn ade yg kt sec 3,2,1..jd, first time ah kite dpt bergambar same2..hmmm..ramai jugak budak 1989 yg maseh wujud di alsagoff.. :) ..unfortunately, we werent able to take SEC4 photos..coz ust suhana had ordered all of us to return to class..in class..rupe2nye, ade yg tgh posing nk ambik gmbr dgn ust suhana n ust juliah! ape lagi..me join sekali ah~ fuyo! kecoh kelas! naseb baik tk kene warning drpd you-know-who..hehe..

the only thing that we studied today was sastera. you know, when i watched aszafirah, kak hairani, liyana, khairunnisa, isyanti n izyani..suddenly, i kind of saw them in a different light. i dunno. what is different..n how different..i dunno myself. *wondering..*

10 minutes before the last bell..we started to pack our things away..but not without more phototaking! hehe.. i managed to take the pictures from a few angles..i hope the others will be satisfied. sadly though..there are people who were left out. im sorry guys. only one camera was allowed. (minus fashihah's..i was worried when i found out she brought her camera! takut kena confiscate, n me disoal..err) so, not many people got the chance to play around with the camera n shoot their own fancy photos..sorry again!

before i left the school, i took another picture with kamaliah n a few sec 3 students. after that..i stepped out of the school gate.

that was how my life at school today. out of 10, how much would you give? ;p

just words... ;"<

i scribbled these words on my lecture pad in the mrt on my way back from school today. it isnt neat. it's all over the paper. i wont show it here though. the scanner's been a trouble these days. so, i'll start from the top.


akhirnya, mereka kecundang,
tersungkur.
im speechless.

they failed.
how is it like?
when you know you've come to an end.
it's no ordinary end.
it's a bad end.

how is it like?
when you're sure of something
something that saddens you very much
it will definitely happen
fixed.
yet, you are still hoping for a miracle
even a teeny weeny bit
that it'll turn out much better
but when you've come to that point
that something is really something
and it finally dawned to you
that you cannot change it
though you refuse to open your eyes
to accept it
but you must
and that sinking feeling is deepening
until you feel like giving everything up
agony and pain..acceptance..it's hard

fault.
should i feel sorry?
i want to feel sorry, but
the other part of me says no.
so i just stood there,
looking and feeling guilty
guilty that i never felt sympathy.

im sorry i've acted this way to all of you.
i guess my speech wasnt good
not effective enough.
i could've chosen the right words
so my intentions and message
were well delivered

it is this time
that i felt the love,
the kinship, the friendship
funny how it is borne
when things nearly come to an end.

funny how the affection develops
when we're going away

funny how the hugs are easily given
when we're parting away

funny how she becomes all gentle and soft
when it's nearly over.

i bade you farewell...goodbye

im leaving soon.

thank you, friends. thank you very much.



*i havent changed the words a bit. though i've got some new ideas n noticed some grammatical errors..*
*the colours indicate different..umm..poems?*
*guess who is 'she'?? =p*
*i guess these words are enough to describe my feelings today*

how about another blog?

well, im thinking of starting a new blog, where i can share whatever info that i find interesting, important, noteworthy or just plain plain (get it?)
the info can be forwarded emails, stories, articles, pictures, excerpts..etc etc.. what do you think? hmm..both languages i suppose, english n malay..so, the scope would be much larger n wide..another thing, i dont think i want to concentrate on one theme only, eg islamic..but other themes as well..so, the content wont be boring. *thinking thinking*

yeah, i think i'll start on the project immediately..what i need are sources, publicity, a bit of html skills..n support from the readers..i dont expect much though..i dont mind if no one reads this new blog. think positive. the internet world is huge! interconnected..even the blogosphere is an endless network, so there are bound to be people who might stumble on my new blog.

oh! another thing: motivation is important..i worry that i might stop the blog half-way. n that's gonna be disappointing, on my part. i hope i wont be lazy enough to do that.

so people, you dont have to wait or look forward to see this little 'project' of mine come to life. if i ever do it, i'll inform you, ok?

hmmm...the first thing i have to do is find a suitable template.

1st tarawih of the month *yey*

morning update: (ehem~ehem~ formal tone please)

semalam me pegi mjd ghufran untuk iftar, tarawih n qiyam...pukul 8:06 pg tadi baru sampai rumah..biler tgh isi barang kt dlm bag tu, konon semangat ar bwk math w/s, rampaisari prosa warisan (plus ulasannye) n buku irk men 4..ingat nk belajar ah.. tp, nmpknye tk kesampaian semue tu *paham2 je lah kenape~ typical me.*

alhamdulillah, hati terasa gembira sebab dpt tunaikan solat tarawih kt masjid.. sejak 1 ramadhan, me tk berkesempatan..kt rumah plak byk distraction + malas..setakat tadarrus quran je ah..nk habeskan amanah 'seribu amal' yg tahun lepas tu..me tau, dah setahun baru terkial2 nk habeskan..padahal mase untuk khatam 3 bulan je! ish~ish~ hmm..sekarang nie lagi 2 juz nk khatam, insha Allah~

biler sampai, kak mariam, nadiah, afeyah n shahirah dah sampai..ah! one more thing: seronok jugak biler ade kwn2 kt masjid..tklah boring..at least dapat berborak (tk lebih2 ah)..share ilmu dan sebagainye...after that kak halimah, khairunnisa, fathimah n her sis sampai..sape lagi eh? rasenye tu je ah buat mase tu..

iftarnye, masya Allah~ byknye makanan..nasi lemak n mee..me share dgn 3 lagi org.. you know, what frustrates me is that some people just let the other people finish the food. mcm irresponsible gitu..yelah, me paham, ade yg dah kenyang..tp..ntah eh.. mcm membazir plak makanan tu..ade pulak yg tolak2 nasi kt kite..tk ke sakit hati??? niwei, me cube sedaya upaya to eat my share..n i think i did ok..at last, makanan tu tk habes jugak..bungkus ar..*dlm hati sedih jugak klw tkde org nk makan*..tp naseb baik ade satu nenek nie ambik makanan tu~ --semoga Allah memberkatimu-- :)

alahai~ perut dah senak..tp alhamdulillah, semasa solat tk de any 'complication' ar (ehem~ehem~)..semase tunggu isya', me sempat hafal beberape ayat from surah **.. actually, me plan untuk hafal dlm 3/4 surah minggu nie, tp tk kot..adelah halangan2 yg tertentu..mungkin me murajaah juz 8 untuk exam thfz nanti..

sayangnye, solat terawih cume 8 rakaat je..sebab selepas solat ade syarahan..me tk dgr sgt ar isi syarahan tu..masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri~ hmmm..mase solat tu, ade jugak bisikan jahat yg asyik nk divert my thoughts pikir perkara2 lain! astaghfirullah~ salah sendiri ah...tp, imamnye pon masalah jugak..dgr2 imam dr Mekah..but i bet they just study there..cara mereka baca pon bukan ape yg me expect from org yg menghafal alquran dan belajar di Mekah~ *sigh* lagi satu, kekadang hati kate..waah~ bagus jugak 8 rakaat..tk payah lame2..ish! jahat betul kan? me cube ah untuk ikhlaskan hati dlm ibadah tarawih nie..*weak smile* rabbana taqabbal minna~

ckp pasal imam, biler ramadhan nie, byk jugak masjid yg 'import' imam eh? yg menjadi perhatian ialah individu2 yg belajar kt timur tengah..plus, hafiz. dah jd trend dah..ye memang, ianya tidak salah..tp..ntahlah, tk tau nk ckp ape, bukan me tk setuju pon..cume me nk point out je. rasanye, biler singapura nak lahirkan para huffaz sendiri?? para huffaz yg betul2 mantap..bukan setakat hafal tp tajwid, makhraj, fasahah tk jage?? oleh itu, me ingin 'seru' kepada para lelaki islam singapura (yg bace entry nie) supaya..hafal alquran..sebab ianya lebih utama..plus kite ketandusan para huffaz lelaki, untuk menjadi imam! lagi satu, klw bace tu, harap baca betul2 ye? jd jemaah tk ngantuk atau sebagainye!

ok, ok..back to the story, lepas tarawih..lepak jap..tk buat ape2 ah..duduk je. by that time, rasyidah n rafidah dah ade. lepas tu me buat maths paper 2 yg mdm rahimah kasi..ingatkan nk time 2h 30 min..tp, certain sums i just couldnt do, plus i didnt really have the mood n energy. oh well~

dalam pukul 11 gitu, kak mardhiyah sampai..oh! tk dilupe adilah n suhailah pon ade jugak :) then, kite pon duduk in a circle, kak halimah share dgn kite cerite pasal seorang wanita yg berkate2 dgn ayat quran..'ajib~ 'ajib~ bagus ceritenye..nanti klw me rajin me tulis kt sini :D selepas 'bedtime story' kak halimah share beberape perkara kt quran..yg dier belajar daripada ustaz Ahmad..bermanfaat! walaupun me dah ngantuk..tp alhamdulillah..ilmu tu masuk jugak..insha Allah masuk kt long term memory ah..(tp lupe tu mungkin jugak, sebab me tk catit ape yg dikongsi!)

akhirnye..dah pukul 1 pagi..tp, kite tk immediately tido. instead, ade yg sempat makan *adelah tu orangnye.. hehe* after that..semue dah penat..lepakz..tido.. kak mariam n kak halimah plan nk buat solat taqwiatul hifz mase qiyam nanti..tp tk jadi, sebab..sebab ape eh? tk silap me..mcm tk baik gitu, imam tgh solat tahajjud n then ade firqah lain solat lain.. unfortunately, me tk dpt nk join solat tahajjud..jd duduk je ah kt sempadan masjid..scanning the verses that the imam recited.

dah habes semue..sahur plak..alhamdulillah~ ade jugak rezeki..tp, makanan tk cukup.. plus, ade org yg makan sikit..mcm reluctant untuk makan, yelah mungkin ade yg nk dahulukan org lain atau tk selesa nk makan..lebih dari 10 org, gunekan 1 dulang.. haiz~ lagi satu keje, kena prompt kwn2 suruh makan..nvm, it's ok. syukur, makanan semue habes.. tkde yg bazir :)

selepas solat subuh, kite buat circle *oops! b4 i forget, ade lagi 2 org..pelajar al-arabiah senior 1 tahun ah..satu name solehah..another one i cant remember* kak mariam n kak halimah je yg cakap..pasal..pasal..perkara2 ah..insha Allah next week kite qiyam same2 lagi :)

my comment: the 'gathering' was ok! i like it :) walaupun tk byk aktiviti, me tk kisah..asalkn kite dpt berkumpul..eratkn lagi ukhuwwah sesame kite..maklumlah, kite bukannye satu sekolah, or tinggal serumah..jd, perjumpaan sebegini is good! *smile again*

biology notes n all~

here n back again: nlnm_k`u_jee

im taking a little time off from mugging through the notes..it's been 2 hours or so..n i dont think i've memorised necessary diagrams/answers..urgh!

*it's computer class right now, by the way*

in approximately 3/4 hours, i'll be 'undergoing' IOS's bio practical exam.. first time in my life.. *smirks* i'd like to get impressive marks for this first shot..but nah~ i dont think so.. in fact, im still blur about the magnification stuff n how to draw a half clitoria flower! *sighs*

oh well~

fyi, i was absent from school for TWO DAYS..tuesday n wednesday.. suddenly i dont care if i maintained my attendance record or not, coz what was important was that i got the neubalizer (i think i spelled that correctly!)..really man, i needed to breathe in more oxygen or something..furthermore, it's been quite a long time since i stepped into the polyclinic.

the whole affair was ok...there was a 'counselling' nurse who advised me about athma n stuff..plus, i got lots of medicine (some of which i eat/ate obediently :>).. suprisingly, i got antibiotics..ish~ untuk ape sey...

the rest of that tuesday was spent sleeping for 4 hours (without ever waking up!!).. n then...umm..i cant remember. eat i think? or watch tv?? i dunno.

the next day, my condition was slightly better..alhamdulillah~ i stayed home all day.. n felt quite happy that i didnt have to drag myself to school breathelessly (like on monday!)

okay...i guess that's all for today..im off to bloghopping now! see ya!

by the way...

AHLAN WA SAHLAN YA RAMADHAN!!!

'idut tolabah ^-^

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!

the sec 4 students didnt get much yesterday. we got an apple each from sir ali. 5 choclairs each from ust suhana. a packet of oreo (3 biscuits inside) each from ust juliah. a mini cadbury's zip junior chocolate each from ust zauwiyah. ferro roche, mee goreng n a polar cake from ust damawiyah (our form teacher).

from the school: a lunch box n a free drink.

nice huh?

im ok with it. i dont even care if we didnt get anything. but the sad thing is that i dont (notice the present tense) eat most of the chocolate/biscuit/sweets. so i gave them to my sister who got a bag full of food. i only ate mee goreng (it was delicious!) n cake (anything from polar will do :>).

yesterday was hidayah's birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! *SMILE*), so she gave each one of us a packet of kitkat (now that's what i like!). n cupcakes..yum!

niwei, biler nk makan mee goreng tu (kite makan dlm kelas)..me rase terharu gitu. yelah, this is going to be the last time kite dapat ape2..plus, baik pulak ust dama kasi mee goreng n chocolate..padahal kite tk kasi dier ape2 untuk teacher's day. prestasi kite dalam pelajarannye (nahu, saraf n bahasa arab) pon tklah sebaik mane.
hmm...naseb baik air mate tk keluar..ish~ish~ sejak kebelakangan nie me agak sentimental sikit. kadang2 sedih..kadang2 marah..urgh~ gasaklah!

back to the main story:
actually one of us cadangkan klw kite boleh something untuk adek2..kononnye 'especially from sec 4'..tp rata2 semue org tk kuase..so tk jadi ar.. me sendiri pon tk enthusiastic..nk pikir2 ape yg nk dibuat leceh benar. tkde mase pon. oh well..

*lacking of ideas to write right now*

oh! esok, ahad 2 oct 2005, ade ceramah interaktif (gitu2 ah) ttg remaja kt masjid kampung siglap. ade 2 ceramah. satu pukul 2, lagi satu pukul 4 lebih. advertisement nye ade kt suratkhabar beberape hari yg lalu. ape2 info, gi website mks. me terpikir jugak nk volunteer..tp nanti tk belajar pulak.haiz~ sekarang nie pon me tgh sakit..runny nose. baru kena semalam. td pagi, fuyo! kejap2 masuk toilet..ataupon cari tissue. haiz~ tkpelah..ujian daripada Allah~ nk hilangkan dosa nie.. ;p

ooooo...

ramadhan dah nak tiba!!! ballighni ramadhan ya Rab!
tiba2 me teringat arwah ustaz hafi...tk sempat beliau nk jumpe ramadhan tahun lepas.. *sob* hmmm...me selalu fikir, klw me sempat jumpe ramadhan yg seterusnye.. insha allah, klw panjang umur, me dapat jumpe ramadhan tahun nie.. Allahumma Amiin

prediction.

i've counted my marks. in several ways. n so, the conclusion is: im going to get 'MUMTAZ'. you should've seen my expression. i was not in a good mood all day. of course, it's not confirmed yet. but there's no way im going to get 90%. who wants to give me free marks anyway??

ust. damawiyah has keyed in the overall marks. so, it's over. i cant do anything.

dont tell me to relax ok? dont even tell me to calm down.

im doing ok. realising the fact that i've failed to achieve my goal, i know i have to accept it. i am accepting it. but reliving the numbers in my mind hurts. so people, you know what to do: distract me ok? i need help here. i dont want to dwell in sadness. it's no use. there's no point of crying over spilled milk when im the one who spilled it.

2 weeks more..

14th september 2005 is officially going to my last day at madrasah alsagoff al-arabiah.

*sad sad*

the reality is upon me.
it is inevitable.
i have to face it.
im going to survive it.

goodbye.
to all my juniors.
the teachers.
the canteen.
the food.
the library.
the classes.
the hall.
the corridors.
the carpark.
the school ground.

im leaving all these.
for now.
but i'll be back.
to embrace the memories.
the memories of 10 years.

only time will bring me here again.
and i'll wait.
just wait.

see you later alsagoff.