the shoes that were supposed to last for 2 years..

.. didnt even make it to 1-year mark. Pity.. pity.. they're pretty comfortable. One thing i'm proud of though: they had ascended and descended Mount Sinai with me. Whee~ Anyway, abg ajak me to Metro sale at Expo today. I said yes, with high hopes that i'd find a decent pair of shoes (I had searched at Causeway Point and IMM a couple of days ago.. in vain!). Happy to share that i found it! :) like the careful sewing, the leather feel, comfortable interior. Within my $50 budget, too.

Never seen this brand before. But whatever! Let's see how this pair will do :D

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Seorang sahabat bakal pulang ke tanah air.

Seorang lagi masih di bumi Jordan. Atau sudah kembali ke Syria?

Rindu lah..

-----

Sometimes, my heart swells for them.. with hopes of happiness and many du'a..

I hope that what I am feeling for them is genuine, ya Allah..

For I want to be a friend who is sincere in this friendship..

For I do not want to be one who envies another..

But one who supports and cheers another on..

Please protect our bond, ya Allah, from my own evils.

-----

Yet,

Many times I wonder if I can love the people around me whole-heartedly.

Many times I think I am not.
 

coming clean

I wrote this half-baked post below in March. I can still imagine that episode. Something came loose that night, as I made my confession and hugged her.

There is still a disquiet in my heart. I wonder if i had hurt her?

Let me begin with the tadzkirah that was shared in my games team. The core message was 'jangan terasa hati. Jaga hati.' Because often times in camps, when people have unsettled things, long discussions, last minute changes.. people get stressed, tired.. and either irritable or unresponsive or slooww. Train of thought slows down or is muddled. And so, in the process, they may irritate other people, hurt their feelings with their tongue, facial expression or body language. Be it intentionally and unintentially. At the end of the day, take time to reflect if you had done someone wrong or if you think you had done someone wrong. If you have, find that person to ask for forgiveness. Before you go to sleep.

Or that you may feel hurt because your peers didnt listen to what you were saying, brushed you off, raised their voice at you or some other 1001 reasons. The most important thing for you, is husnuzzhon. It could be their action was not done on purpose. They may not even realised they hurt you. Or that their action is influenced by the stressful state they are in. So, you have got to brush it off, believe it is nothing personal and move on.

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I choked at some points during the tadzkirah, because I had a secret. I like to think that I am not capable of holding grudges. But I guess, I could not be at peace. With myself and also with this person. Because, after looking within myself long and hard, I saw there was a little flame of anger. Dissatisfaction. Hurt.

I knew that for my own sake, I needed to be true to my words. That I needed to forgive. At that time, I thought, okay, I would share with her what had happened, how I viewed it, how I told myself many times she might not have meant it but it hurt me still. How I had tried to brush it away but somehow couldn't let go. Just saying "I forgive you" in my heart did not feel enough. I wanted to tell her out loud that I forgive her, as though I need a verbal confirmation from my own self. And, I wanted to tell her I hope nobody else will feel hurt by her the way I did. I know that it's just her being herself: Rough and loud. Knowing this fact, I was still surprised I had taken it (the old incident) to heart. Was it ego? Over time, I opined that perhaps she needs to be careful too. Of the way she responds to people. As much as people learn to understand and accept her character, especially those who do not know her for very long, she has to know what kind of effects she may have on them. And one example is me.

It was a mixed feeling, really. Wanting to forgive and forget, while wanting to be able to explain my thoughts discreetly. I did not want to sound "corrective".. I just wanted to be honest because I am worried for her well being, mine and others', whoever that 'others' are. Truthfully, this piece of hadith had been tugging me: A Muslim is from whose tongue and hand, other Muslims are safe.

I needed to tell her before the night ends. Before I go to sleep. Because I may not see tomorrow. (Yeah, that was how strong the need was. Like an EMERGENCY.) So I gathered my courage and went to look for her at the tent area. I said I had something to tell her, and we walked to an empty grass patch. I started carefully but alas, I couldn't control my emotion. She was puzzled by this sudden change and asked, "what's wrong, Liyana?" And so, I told her.

It was.. bittersweet.

Alhamdulillah... a burden released. From that moment on, I felt that I could begin to love her sincerely as my sister. :')

I do hope I had not hurt her in turn..

Just watched Rise of The Guardians movie yesterday.

It's the second movie I have come across in which Overcoming Fear is the main subject. The first was Green Lantern. I don't think I told you before.. Even before Green Lantern came out, I had this nagging feeling that I want to watch it. Really really want to watch it. I saw the trailer, it piqued my interest. So, I figured I would just wait for the online version to come out. I didn't know what to expect.

I remember.. that particular day, I was on medical leave, coz my left big toe and its surrounding area were inflamed. I had trouble walking. And, I suspected that I was allergic to one of the medications.. So earlier on that day, I took it again to confirm. I switched on the PC, went to the usual online movie website, chose one of the many links for Green Lantern and waited for it to load. A few minutes into the intro, and it was decided: Online is not good enough. Not with the current mediocre version (coz that time the movie was still fresh in theatres). This time, I am going to get myself some good quality film.

So, yeah, limping and with eyes starting to swell coz of allergy, I made my way to GV Yishun. That was around afternoon. Throughout the movie I was sometimes distracted coz I started to feel a bit breathless and my heart beating kinda quickly. Again, it was the allergic symptoms. I ignored them though.

Was it worth it?

Yes. yes. yes. I didn't understand the subconscious pull. You'd say it was nafsu, right? I'd say, too. But I dunno.. there was something else. And the message that I got at the end of the movie was clear. Of overcoming fear. Of strong will. Gosh.. as I am typing this, I can feel the weight of it. I can't help but think that I was meant to watch it. To learn something from it. Ryan Reynolds (I think he's a good actor though.. especially in Buried) and cool powers aside, I can't help but think I was meant to watch it. To learn something from it. Like, someone is trying to show me that it is for me. Sort of a weird feeling. Somehow, it is not the same as wanting to watch Lord of The Rings or Harry Potter or The Hobbit..

The pivotal point in Green Lantern for me was, when Hal came face-to-face with the humongous black thing that was Parallax on the street, and Hal was trying to defend himself against the enemy, only his green 'shield' to protect him.. weakening yet desperately holding on. And then, he found strength. In brightest day, in blackest night, No evil shall escape my sight; Let those who worship evil's might; Beware my power, Green Lantern's light!

I know.. I know.. typical. But that particular moment was really something. It was symbolic. Just like the scene in Rise of The Guardians, when Jamie said to Pitch Black, "I believe in you. I'm just not afraid of you anymore." Then as the Black Sand touched him, it turned golden.

There was another scene, that re-surfaced an idea, a hope, a wish, for my future.. a wish which was formed after I met ammu Ahmad at al-Azhar mosque.. when Jack Frost was shown his last memory. What I got from it is a character who is caring, assuring and making his loved one smile, and self-sacrificing.

Okay. I am feeling a lump in my throat.

It's just hard.. to have strong will. to maintain that strong will. In matters that really matter! I have fallen on my knees many times. And, I have become aware of a dark side of me who likes falling down. That's one of the core things I ask from Allah: a strong will. I guess I haven't worked for it or wanted it bad enough. That's why I still feel weak.

Also, to help someone and be selfless? Ahh.. you know what's in my mind, what's brewing in my heart, ya Allah.. please guide me to make the right choice for my future. I am beginning to seek meanings, and am frustrated where I am. Hmmm... I know I have to overcome this uneasiness - fear? - of facing the unknown.



Chin up, Liyana. Let's do better in 2013!



On a side note, I didn't know before that there were such 'legendary' beings as Jack Frost and Sandman. Santa Claus, tooth fairy, Easter bunny.. them I know. Interesting lah, all these fairy tales!

Welcome back to school

I've got to do better this time!

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I would love to see my teachers again.

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My twenty-third year has closed. Now my twenty-fourth year begins... I wonder if i'd live til the end of it.. and i wonder, if i'll be able to make good this twenty-fourth year and finish well.

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I watched a 19-minute video about "the real situation in Gaza". Saw it earlier today in FB News Feed; a friend 'liked' the vid. So I was curious.

The video showed scenes from Dec 08 - Jan 09 (I believe, coz that was the caption in the video). And.. well, I am feeling sick in my stomach right now. Not because of some dead bodies and blood. But because of the CHAOS, DESTRUCTION, CRUELTY, DESPAIR, and FEAR that the Palestinian people live with everyday.

I just can't grasp it. It's like, I am in a different universe. Yet I know damn well that I am just a vast ocean away. Same planet. I can't bear thinking about what's happening over there... Allah... help us all!

Seeing clips of a jet 'sending' a bomb down to a building.. whoa.. so fast! Zup! And then, BOM! Smoke and fire.. One is not safe. One doesn't know where it will hit next. Or when. A lot of uncertainties..

I wonder.. how are Palestinian girls my age going about their lives? What are they doing now? What are they thinking and feeling?

I know in my heart that the innocents will prevail, I know who will win in the end (for it has been promised), but the long and hard struggle.. is really really painful (even for someone like me, being so far away) that sometimes, one needs reminders.. encouragements.. to endure and continue living.



 

Whoa! I didn't post anything at all in October! Kinda surprising, even to myself, coz there were a few things that happened before or in that month worth sharing..

Hah! Okayy.. I know, the truth is.. I'd kept putting myself off from posting thoughts and pictures. Lately I've not been using my mobile blogging app. One, I've been delaying to put captions on my Egypt trip pictures. A whole bunch of them! Gosh! Kinda crazy, the amount of pictures, plus video time, I captured and collected. And I want to be able to finish uploading and captioning them before sharing with y'all. But as time passes, my memories of the info and whatever detail are fading.. yikes!

And, there was the Legoland day trip I went with my uncles, aunts and cousins.

Plus, the archery course.

Kak Rohaya's wedding~~

And.. of course, Eidul adha =)

There's also... my dwindling motivation at work. I've been feeling edgy, anxious, and sometimes 'dreading', for quite some time now. This is not good. Not good at all.



 

"Mak.. Liyana nak sign up archery course, boleh?"

"..Tak payah lah.."

*buat muka tak percaya* "haa..?" (Intonasi bukan marah atau whining tau. More like terkejut+sedih jap. Faham ke?)

"Sekali-sekala mak cakap tak boleh.."

*terus dapat akal* "Tapi baitul maqdis mak dah cakap tak boleh.."

"Hmm.." *senyap sekejap*

"So.. boleh Liyana masuk archery course?"

"Boleh lah.."

"Terima kasih, mak!" *beaming, tapi tetap dapat rasa mak tak 100% setuju*

"Lepas belajar archery, Liyana belajar driving pulak." *cuba sedapkan hati by sharing with mak plan kite*

Kite do'a Allah lembutkan hati mak kite.. semoga mak faham kenapa kite nak belajar archery. (Tapi, kenapa mak kata tak payah in the first place, eh? Musykil tiba2. Mana lah tahu, ada sebab yang rational)

One thing i miss about ayah is.. his support. Mak dan ayah support. Tapi, ayah lebih in the forefront. Sungguh, kite sangat2 appreciate ayah kite izinkan kite gi situ, gi sini, buat tu, buat ni.. (mmg kadangkala mak dan ayah kasi red light, which i accepted.) Klw tak, rasanya kite tak jadi kite yang sekarang ni. Yang berkarakter sebegini, yang berfikiran sebegini, yang berpengalaman sebegini. (Note: maksud 'berpengalaman' di sini bukan 'ada banyak pengalaman' tau. What im saying is, i have the experiences that i have mostly because of what my parents allowed me to undergo, and be exposed to.) Mak agak 'reserved' dan hesitant sikit.. jadi bila ayah dah takde ni.. susah sikit lah. Hee.. susah sikiiit je. Kite nak kena convince lebih and be more selective of things (ie if there are 2 things i want to do/go for, i'd ask her permission for 1 only, or ask for 1 first then the second a few days after).

Apa pun, kite sedar bahawa di mana redha mak ayah, di situ lah redha Allah. Jadi kite pun do'a jugak agar Allah lembutkan hati kite dan buatkan kite sentiasa bersedia untuk menerima, bilamana mak tak izinkan sesuatu. Semuanya khair, inshaAllah.

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Where shall my next destination be...? Kashgar first, or Canada..? Or Russia?

Something to look forward to in my life..

 

Spotted at kak Halimah Latiff's FB timeline:

لو صدق المريد لوجد الشيوخ على الأبواب

Makna:Kalau seorang murid itu jujur niatnya (dalam menuntut ilmu),Dia akan dapati para syuyukh di pintu2 (iaitu mudah mencari).

kite rasa macam ada rasa rindu lah.. kenapa eh? kite tak pasti, samada 'rindu' ni rindu kat Mesir.. atau rindu kat akhawat di sana.. atau rindu nak bersama2 orang2 yang menuntut ilmu.. atau mungkin, satu keinginan sedang tumbuh sikit demi sedikit; keinginan untuk berada lebih lama di sana.. untuk belajar? untuk bermusafir?.. atau mungkin sebenarnya ada rasa ingin keluar bebas dari Singapura sedang mendidih?

semacam rindu gitu.. hmm.. kenapa eh? pelik.

i was meant to be there, and then here!

On Monday evening, 17 Sep, i made my way to Darul Arqam to attend the Stories of Prophets class. The day before, Marliyana shared that on last Monday (ie 10 Sep) the topic was Nabi Musa & Khidir. Couldn't help thinking, what a coincidence! The subject was about Nabi Musa, n there i was, rigghhtt.. in Sinai, a significant land in his story, on the same day (10 Sep) but different timezone. I also thought that particular session would've been particularly useful to me, coz believe it or not, during the time i was there, i was somewhat regretful that i came without having refreshed myself with Nabi Musa's history. 

And guess what?

When i saw the topic that was flashed on the screen, on the night i came to this class for the first time.. this past Monday, Allaaahh.. I felt like exclaiming out loud: this was indeed Fate! The speaker was going to share about Nabi Musa & Bani Israil: their life in Sinai! you know that warm fuzzy feeling? yeah, I was full of it during the class. Allah moved my heart to attend that session just as He had stirred a desire in my heart several months ago; a desire to go to Egypt. There must be something that Allah wants to tell me.. :')

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At 4.03am Cairo time, 11 September 2012

I've conquered Mount Sinai. Alhamdulillah thummalhamdulillah..!

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Mudah-mudahan sampai!

I just spent a little over one hour typing a (rather simple & straightforward) email in arabic.
-__________________-"
Sabar je eh with the formatting.
Done and sent.
May everything go smoothly and we get to attend the majlis 'ilm.

abrupt end

My ramadhan ended a few minutes ago. Quite unexpected. I had been looking forward to spending the last night at Ghufran (despite not being confirmed yet coz havent got green light frm mum). To my last small effort to make this month a bit more meaningful, not simply mediocre as it already is. Now im experiencing some sort of numbness.. midway btwn sadness and regret. There's this hollow feeling in my heart. Allah.. :'(

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tarawih jama'atan at mjd mukminin

It's the 28th night. This picture was taken after 8 rakaat. It felt nice to be back here, for both iftar and tarawih. I only remember the last time i did so was during my attachment days. I gotta check my past organisers. Maybe i had actually come here in Ramadhan 2009, 2010 and/or 2011. Ramadhan kareem.. Ramadhan kareem.. *ahhh.. it's nearing the end*

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tarawih at masjid ba'alwie on the 25th night

I had been here only once: the day kak hidayati got married. That was 4 years ago. Wah.. lama tu.

Made our way to Farrer Road mrt stn after work, then took 186 bus to Dunearn Road.. 5 stops away. We met a makcik in the bus. She walked with us to the mosque. She's a regular here. Peramah :) she has a daughter who's reading Sociology in UIA. Her daughter's name is Shahidah and was frm RP. I thought she's é Shahidah RP whom i got to know frm D-Talk and worked part-time at Darul Arqam's bookshop before. But, nope, different person.

So, anyway, we're waiting for Isya' now. May tonight be a better night for me than the past two..

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almost a year ago i did my tarawih here..

..whenever there's a long break.

Today, after a long long time, im about to perform tarawih at this mosque once again.

On a side note: i always thought one of é bilal sound exactly like é one at mjd kg siglap.. back when i prayed there before or after thfz class. Perhaps they are one and the same pakcik.

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2nd tarawih jama'atan

8.27pm:

At Kg Holland Mosque. It's almost isya'.

I imagine this person behind the sliding door an old man. An Atuk.. teringat sekejap kat ayah. Dulu ayah pun solat duduk atas kerusi. Technically, this person is beside me. Separated only by the door.

Oh.. é muazzin is calling to prayer now. :)

10.06pm:

We prayed 8 raka'at. Followed by 3 raka'at of witr. Then an emcee invite é guest imam from Egypt - he led é isya' prayer - to recite from the Qur'an.

It was surah ar-Rahman. And i must say, subhanallah.. subhanallah.. subhanallah..! Such beautiful melody came out of his mouth. The tarannum, the tajwid, the tartil.. and when he led the closing du'a, i wept.. Allah.. dah lama tak nangis. Dah lama tak dengar do'a yang sebegitu. Dah lama.. dah lama :'|

Alhamdulillah for tonight. Tomorrow will be another day.. of work, earthly challenges, tasks and worries.. i'm feeling anxious that i will be pulled back in that whirlpool. May tomorrow be a good day for me, physically and spiritually.

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first tarawih jama'atan this Ramadhan

Broke fast at Darussalam Mosque. Waiting for isya' now.

Alhamdulillah for this opportunity.

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I just spotted a fellow Muslim reciting frm the Quran in the train. Right behind me. First spotting for this Ramadhan :)

Sukanya hati ni~

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"I'll do my isya' later, after sahur."

How can you be so sure that you'll wake up the next morning?

I was taken aback. It became clear to me that she's suffering from an illness so familiar.

:(

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The cashier at DC shop greeted me with 'Assalamu'alaikum' just now. I was surprised taken aback! You see, as i was queuing, i noticed that é cashier on duty was a Malay guy with goatee. I immediately made a mental check note not to look at him when i reached the counter.

So there i was, lightly pushing my 4 paper bags of Red Bean Bun to the cashier counter. I was looking somewhere else when that brother said his Salam. Wa'alaikumussalam, i answered, giving him a small, awkward smile.

The first thing that crossed my mind was, 'okayyy..'. Not wanting to have su'uzzhon. Maybe he gives Salam to every customer who he sees/thinks is a Muslim.

And then a new thought popped,'wow..wouldnt that be a gracious, courteous thing to do: giving salam to every Muslim customer he encounters? He would be fulfilling sunnah, easily, many times everyday!'

So, yeah, i hope and pray that this person, whoever he is, continue this good act. And may he do well in his job.

:)

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1 item off my wishlist!

A second purchase frm amazon.com. ^_^

I am really grateful to my colleague who consented to using his address and then brought it back to Sg.

And the one-month wait.. it was worth it!

p.s. I also bought my first very own portable USB speaker together with those shoes. That makes 2 items off the List.

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Saw this in Aisyah Tajudeen's FB timeline..

Allah...

And I am reminded of a particular sentence that formed in my head when I saw nenek Hasnah's lifeless body on the hospital bed and occasionally rings in my thoughts ever since:

"The body is nothing but a (empty) vessel"

interview orang lak pulak~

Was tidying my laptop bag when i found this piece of paper. Was my first time interviewing students! 1st March 2012
Thanks to my co-worker cum fellow interviewer who printed this guideline. Hee..

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Was browsing halaljournal.com's 'lifestyle' page when I came across the article below.

lalalalala.. it's the mosque in my Bucket List =)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CANADA: Canada’s Midnight Sun Mosque

By The Halal Journal Newsdesk (Source: OnIslam.net) published 3 months ago

Original Article Source: Islam Online

Filed Under: Entertainment

The fascinating story of the Midnight Sun Mosque, the world's northernmost mosque, is now being made into a documentary film by Canadian filmmakers, Saira and Nilufer Rahman.

The film, to be called Arctic Mosque, will tell the story of the 4,000 km journey the mosque took in 2010 from the prairie city of Winnipeg in the province of Manitoba where it was built, to Inuvik, the most northern town in Canada's Arctic.

The documentary will also offer a revealing portrait of Islamic life in the far north.

When we heard about the story of the mosque project, we immediately thought it was unusual and would definitely make a great story for a documentary, ” Saira Rahman told OnIslam.net.

Actually, two days before the mosque set out on its 4,000 km journey, Hussain Guisti, the general manager of the Zubaidah Tallab Foundation (the Canadian charity that sponsored the mosquebuilding), asked us if we'd be interested in making a film about the “Arctic Mosque”.

The small Muslim community in Inuvik could not afford to build a new mosque as prices for labour and materials in the arctic region are much higher than in southern parts of Canada.

The Zubaidah Tallab Foundation, a Manitoba-based Islamic charity, stepped in, raised funds and found a supplier of prefabricated buildings in Manitoba that said it could ship the building to Inuvik for half theprice of building a mosque from scratch in the town.

The epic journey of small prefabricated mosque grabbed international attention as it slowly made its way, by road and on a river barge, to its final destination.

Inuvik is in Canada's Northwest Territories and has a population of 3,600 people, about a hundred of who are Muslims.

Muslims have been migrating to smaller resource towns such as Inuvik in search of jobs and hoping for a better quality of life.

According the latest census numbers, the Muslim population of the Northwest Territories is growing at a rate of 300 per cent every decade,

Due to its northern location, Inuvik is called the ‘Light of the Midnight Sun' as it experiences an average of 56 days of continuous sunlight every summer and ,for almost 30 days, it is blanketed in complete darkness every winter.

The Muslims of Inuvik follow the prayer and fasting times of the city of Edmonton.

New Perception

The filmmakers are hoping to capture the drama of the mosque's odyssey and change the perception about Muslims in a world that often responds to mosques with fear and controversy.

We hope that people who watch the film will discover that this documentary is so much more than a story about the building of a mosque, ” Saira Rahman told OnIslam.net. “It's about the forging of a unique community- and we're not just talking about a unique Muslim community.”

Rahman says that the film will show the impact the mosque has made on the small town.

The Midnight Sun Mosque as it's been named has impacted the entire town of Inuvik and put it on the map, so to speak. We hope viewers will be inspired by the positive energy and community spirit that we witnessed while filming the documentary.”

The documentary is being co-produced by Buffalo Gal Pictures and Snow Angel Films, which is owned by the two sisters, Nilufer and Saira Rahman.

The sisters are currently in post production, going through 120 hours of footage, while seeking funding for the documentary.

They have launched an online campaign and the response has been encouraging.

After only three days of posting our trailer on YouTube, we got over 10,000 views, ” said Saira Rahman. “It's evident from the comments we get that people really want to see this film

http://www.halaljournal.com/article/6580/canada:-canada%EF%BF%BDae%EF%BF%BDs-midnight-sun-mosque

"You can't right a wrong."

When kak Fiza said it, it was an affirming statement for me. It was like, before, my compass needle was swinging left right, left right.. and then, it suddenly froze, at its right position. Alhamdulillah..

Anyway, it was full house at last night's bulatan gembira. A second, since the one we had last year at kak Fiza's place. =)

Rasa bersalah tinggalkan kawan kerja sendirian. Klw kau kerja smpi 12 lebih, tentu kau suka klw ada yang menemani, kan? 'Do unto others what you want others to do unto you', remember?
Yg buat kite pergi ialah.. kite tak bercukupan utk bayar duit teksi nanti. Not this time. Kebetulan kite 'tight' sekarang ni. Bunyi selfish, eh? But i really do not mean to be. Kite minta maaf, kawan :(
Untuk sedapkan hati, kite kata pada diri, ini sesuatu yg dia harus alami.. 'a milestone' in her working life. Kite do'akan dia selamat, masih bertenaga dan masih boleh fokus utk selesaikan kerja. Tapi kan, dah dalam mrt menuju ke Kranji ni, hati kite masih kata kite sepatutnya tunggu. Sepatutnya lebih bersedia utk korbankan $30. Apalah $30 klw dibandingkan dgn perbuatan menggembirakan seseorang? Hmm...

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Bertandang ke rumah A'feyah

Buku susunan Imam Nawawi sebagai berkat untuk majlis walimatul urus Bahirah

(ada bedak Safi juga.. untuk tetamu undangan tertentu, e.g. non-muslim/non-malays)

Batch terakhir utk dibungkus. Alhamdulillah, beres pada malam itu! Personally, kite gembira sebab dapat tolong.. sebagai 'pengganti' tak dapat hadir pada majlis persandingan. Terima kasih kepada Hakimah juga.. she helped speed up the packaging at the last bit =)

Messy~ :p

Dapat rasa kurma ajwa'! Definitely the highlight of the night for me! Sukerr~

(Rupa-rupanya Bahirah baru balik dari umrah. Dan rupa-rupanya, dia bawa pulang kurma ajwa'. Tersenyum lebar kite bila dipelawa makan. hehe.. dah tak kempunan)

Cenderahati daripada Bahirah buat mereka2 yang datang menolong :) ada kurma ajwa', tahina, tasbih, batang kayu siwak, minyak wangi (aromanya sedappp dan lembut, tak kuat) dan air zam-zam. Rezki!

Buat Bahirah,

Tahniah, dik! Kak ucapkan

Baarakallahu lakuma wa baaraka 'alaikuma wa jama'a bainakuma fi khair~~

^__^

my first pair of expensive shoes

I don't like to spend a lot of money on 2 things: daily shoes and handphone.

But Pansy shoes, oh man! I've been eyeing them for quite some time! 2 years maybe? And because of my usually tight budget and my habit of sticking to my principles, i managed to squelch this desire.. telling myself to 'be patient.. be patient.. next time, k!'.

Now is the time, when i felt ready to invest a bit more on a pair of shoes. By 'ready', i mean that i didn't have the usual hesitant feeling.. i just thought 'ok. Go for it'. My only hope (with a tinge of worry+doubt, I must admit!)  is that this new Pansy shoes will last for at least 2 years. I'm going to wear them almost everyday. If it can withstand that, then it would definitely be value for money.

My previous pair of daily shoes was Crocs Women's Melbourne, which i loved loved loved very much. In Singapore, it cost a bomb! About $90! I got it at amazon.com for USD23.97, shipping fee included (to US address). That's about S$30.80. Crazy deal, right??! I was very lucky indeed, especially since those shoes lasted just shy of 1 year. (Imagine spending almost  hundred bucks on a pair of shoes that is good for only a year! Disappointing) The brown canvas body faded due to constant exposure to rain and sun, a tear on each (but at different sites) most prolly due to consistent 'force' from 2 particular toes. Lovely as they were, i realised at one point that i need shoes made from leather or anything hardier than canvas, because water seeping into my socks and feet is pretty uncomfortable. But i did not want to go back to wearing those black Bata shoes. Boringly plain!

Turns out that the current trend is canvas shoes.. many interesting fabric designs! I am particularly attracted to TOMS largely because of their company policy (for-every-pair-you-buy-one-pair-will-be-donated-to-a-person-in-need). But, no, I tell myself, another footwear easily drenched by water will not do. Although, i still enjoy browsing thru the various brands (like, Sanuk, which I just came across a few minuted ago).

Anyway, so, i began my search for versatile, waterproof, comfortable, subtly stylish covered shoes by surfing amazon.com for a few hours at a time. The problem was (and still is!) I do not know what material it is made of, if it covers my forefoot (no toe shoes, please!), if its size 8 would fit snugly (different shoe designs may require a slight change of size). Oh well, now that i've got my Pansy, i can stop looking around. For the time being.

The next thing on my wish list is a pair of sports shoes. :)

By the way, have you guys heard or seen Vibram's Fivefingers? They look owhsome!! Tempted to try one, but not in the near future, i guess, coz my other Crocs is still in good shape (it's only 1-year 5-month old!) and i will have a pair of running shoes (inshaAllah!).

Remember, Liyana, buy only what you need ^_^

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Countdown to Ramadhan 2012

In light of the upcoming Ramadhan, I am posting the short videos I took of mosques I 'hopped to' for Tarawih prayer during last year's fasting month.

Allahumma ballighna ramadhan...

al-Khair Mosque @ Choa Chu Kang, 2nd night

an-Nahdhah Mosque @ Bishan, 3rd night

Looking at my state of iman, i know damn well i cant, and dont deserve, to take this step.

Yes, i was shocked to hear the request. What is this, ya Allah? A salvation, an opportunity, a reason for me to work harder to fix myself? Or something i should avoid to not satisfy my greedy, selfish, and hypocritical side? What do You want me to do???

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde you are, ey?

But.. im reminded of 'whoever helps a servant of Allah, Allah will surely help him'.. and Rasulullah never declined a request, did he?

But this is not some personal matter! This is about serving the community! You should know better, dear self, coz you yourself have learnt what the attributes of a Muslim leader are.

Istikharah, Liyana, istikharah..

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I want to set my foot here. Seriously.

1. Mount Sinai in Egypt

To climb it and watch the sun rise.

2. Inuvik in Canada

To step into this mosque.

3. Cape Dezhnev and The Diomede Islands in Russia

To witness how life is like in the east-most point of Eurasia.

4. Kashgar in China

This travel blog photo's source is TravelPod page: Where are the Women?

To meet the people there.

Ya Allah, please allow me to go these places before I die.

I need to go on a spiritual journey.

I am fully aware of negative emotions bubbling inside me. Especially now, since the past few minutes.

I am not at peace with myself, ya Allah..

What is my motivation for waking up early?

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In response to Anonymous' comment:

I have none, actually. None that is strong, lasting enough. That is why I have been asking myself this. Am still looking for a reason.

Oh! I must tell you this!

Ok, so last night (Friday), I went to Esplanade to watch Maadihul Mustafa perform. Which, by the way, was... subhanallaaaaahhhh.... They were just so.. harmonious. The last time I heard something as harmonious as this was from the Osmond brothers (2nd generation) acapella on the Oprah Show.. a few years back.

Maadihul Mustafa's vocalists are... subhanallah~ ahh.. see? I can't even get a correct word to describe. 'Subhanallah' is all I can manage.. :)

But this is not what I want to tell you. What I need to share with is that... I saw that the Ice Cube Cafe serves alcohol! Such a blow, man, when I passed the restaurant, half-considering that I would probably have ice cream while waiting for Aqila. First, I noticed 2 patrons at the table outside.. with Tiger Beer jug. I was like, eh? Isn't Ice Cube Cafe halal? My eyes searched the restaurant's glass door. No MUIS logo. And that's when I saw a dispenser of some sort bearing the logo of the well-known alcoholic beverage.

Hmmm... it must have withdrawn its halal status long ago. *sigh* Too bad.. Too bad.. I hope the branch at Bedok Library is still Halal...?

Okay, never mind, Liyana, there's still Swensens and the Oliyve Cafe @Changi Village.

Harry Potter blues

It seems that every time after watching a HP movie, I will get all excited; wanting to read the books all over again, or watch another movie in the series. I think a lot of people feel the same way. After watching The Deathly Hallows last year, I immediately wanted to get my hands on the last two books. But typical me.. til now I still haven't bought them. I want the old cover.. y'know, when the books were first released? I don't think there's any of those left in local bookstores =(

Anyways, so after tonight's Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire on Channel 5, I went on to Youtube to relive one of my all-time favourite scenes.. The Beauxbaton & Durmstrang Entrance.. whoohoo.. I especially like Durmstrang's! (Though I still wish it could have been a little bit longer and more dramatic)







And then, I watched this video http://youtu.be/8coMsohDCS0 "50 greated Harry Potter Moments".

Yeah, I must say, the Harry Potter phenomenon is indeed one of the greatest things to have happened in the 21st century! *feeling truely amazed*     Hmm.. Star Wars must have been like this when it came out, ey?

Little Books

I first heard abt this product when a senior gave me and a couple of RR'07 team members a Little Book each; wedding favours frm a walimatul urus he attended in Malaysia. Mine was 'Hiduplah Dengan Penuh Erti'. Since then, I would browse their website occasionally to see if they've got new products, secretly wishing that one day, when i have the means, I would buy them.

Almost 5 years later, I could finally fulfill my wish. ^_^ yup, I'm happy and satisfied, alhamdulillah..!

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Attending a Handover after 3 years

I made a new friend last night. Her name is Aishah.

***

So last Friday I made my way to masjid Ghufran, to attend the Nur Ikhwan Committee Handover ceremony. At 1pm, still at work, I was already itching for the day to end. In the train, I had a wishful thinking that it can travel faster. For I could not wait to meet people whom I've not seen for ages!! Gosh, it is a rare feeling these days - me getting excited about something. It feels... nice. Reminds me that there is life out there, y'know?

Reached the ladies prayer hall and I looked around, hoping to see anyone familiar and thinking, "ooohh, maybe this girl is attending the event.. maybe that girl is a rep from another MS!" Saw two girls wearing black jubah, one of them I know as we are in the Syamail class together, and decided to sit beside them. Introductions were exhanged - the girl is Atiqah and her friend is Khairunnisa'.

Saw Fatimah after Maghrib prayer. While walking together to the al-Khawarizmi room, she asked me how I was doing. I shared that 1) I am ok, 2) I think many people du'a for me and my family that's why I don't feel down at all and 3) something about when a person dies, it is The End. So our job now is to help our family members and ourselves to do as much good as possible before the time is up. Somehow, I felt a lump in my throat when I said that 3rd thing. But it disappeared quickly when I saw Aisha Nenawi by the door. Ahh... have not seen both of them since Riang Ria Ramadhan 2011!

And more familiar faces.. Marliyana, Shaikha, 'Afifah, Diyana, Faatimah.. Liyana, a junior from NYPMS, was also there with 2 of her NYPMS comrades. Then Farzana Khamis came. Terubat rasa rindu~~ Sori lah, I was melancholic that time given the long hours of work I put up in the past few weeks and the fact that I have lost touch with many people for quite some time.

The ladies of the 9th NI Committee

Insyirah, Amalina, Iffah, Atiqah, Khairunnisa' and.. ohh.. I did not ask for her name ('Afwan!)

"Ayam masak ape?", eh, Zuib? Tak habis2 adik nih!

(and, I forgot he graduated last year. Not this year. huhu.. paiseh kejap~)

Alhamdulillah.. He has slimmed down. Musaddiq too. Keep yourselves healthy, ok, brothers!

'Afifah, 2011/2012 Secretary/Treasurer

I hope to get to know her better =)

Shaikha, Hafiza (adik kak Haslinda, who is one of the AlumNI), 'Afifah and Diyana

Fatimah, Farzana and Nilam (nice to meet you, sis!)

Diyana, Marliyana and Aisha

The ceremony itself was very simple. Too simple maybe. But don't mind me, I was just glad to be sitting at the back observing my juniors.. having small chats with Aisha, Faatimah then Marliyana.. My thoughts were here and there.. reminiscing, hopeful, doubtful at the same time. But you know what? I like to think the new 9th committee will do better. That they will fulfill the 3 NI missions. That they will try their best to actually, really, serve the Muslim students community in TP. That they will not just do 'bonding stuff' but also 'outreach stuff', 'enriching stuff', 'impactful stuff'. That they will not lose spirit midway. I will hold on to what the new Chairperson said, "if Apex can spread in 4 years, I don't see why NI can't" (please correct me if I got this inaccurate. I don't want to quote a person wrongly!) and about him going to make use of his learning experience from SPIB and Apex to steer his committee forward. Khair, inshaAllah~ =)

The outgoing Committee

The incoming Committee

Unfortunately, I could not hold one personal matter, The Silence. I thought I was doing great. Until the time to leave - it was broken. And I left with a mixed feeling. I should not say "Qoddarallahu wa ma shaa'a fa`ala", right? Coz it was not actually a bad thing. Just that if the silence was still maintained, I would've been fine. Now it will take a few days to recover. Rabbishfinii.. Zakki qolbii..

I must say, a simple thing like waiting for 969 bus at the front sideline was such a nostalgic moment! Haha.. c'mon, when was the last time I was in Tampines on a weekday evening and started to leave the place past 10pm? And the queue was super long that I just didn't care I had to stand all the way as long as I got into the bus? Felt like poly time, after TKD trainings! And, I noticed teenagers wearing TP shirts. I boarded behind a tudung-clad Malay girl wearing a green shirt - Applied Science! - and I saw that the back of her pants had that brownish dirt. Hah!, I thought, must be Orientation Week!

A few people alighted at Khatib and alhamdulillah.. I got a seat. The girl too, beside mine. And guess what I did? Dengan selambanya, I struck up a conversation ^__^ I asked her about orientation (How was it?... Is there the overnight thing?... What was the theme/storyline of AS orientation this year?... How was the Temasek Regatta?...), which secondary school she was from, what course she is in (Veterinary Technology), was it her first choice (2nd.. her first was Veterinary Bioscience in NP), what sparked her interest to pursue this field of knowledge, has she thought of a CCA to join (the Community Service Club).. And she asked me/shared with me about what course I took in TP (she was really surprised I am a graduate, not a current student. hehh), what I am doing now, assignments (is it difficult?... what about team members that do not contribute, do we strike off their names?), how to get good grades, her wanting to get excellent grades, what CCA I joined last time (I told her, ELF), where to solat and when to solat coz she worries if clash with lessons..

The best thing of it all was, for me lah, that I got to mention NI to her. Yeay! Now one freshie has heard of NI. I do not expect her to remember in the few weeks, many months, to come. Nonetheless, I am hopeful. InshaAllah, we will meet again, I said to her as she was getting ready to alight at the bustop before mine.

And so, I made a new friend last night. Her name is Aishah. =)



** pictures are from NI's FB page

From Sunday Times, 'Think' Section, page 45

(I do not know the date, sorry)

Grabbed this picture from a Farhan Yan's FB. Saw it initially via kak Maryam AR's FB.

Thought of ayah as I read the article. Tears just came after I finished the last line.

A sudden overwhelming feeling. But I managed to cut this emotion short.

Allah... Allah.. Allah...

Allahummaghfir lahu warhamhu wa 'aafihi wa'fu anhu.

break record

It is 12.35am, and im still in the lab. Nope, not at our new site, coz there, a proper lab has not been set up. Im at é collaborator's lab. In the middle of an ongoing (and very long) test.

Gotta pause after this round of imaging. Will take a cab home, get some rest, and TRY to wake up early later so that i can reach here early.. and resume early.

Yes, im feeling rather sleepy now. Feel like just overnighting here.. but no, mak kata balik. takpelah, untuk kebaikan kite jugak :)

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Pakaian yang koyak tu aib. Biarpun pakaian ada tampal sana, tampal sini, ia bukan aib. Rasulullah jahit kasutnya sendiri, tampal bajunya sendiri.

Kasut kite koyak, beg laptop koyak.. nak jahit, tapi tak terbuat2. Cepat, Liyana, aib nih!

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SMS

I've to make full use of my free SMS.

Always remember the hadith abt é 3 things, ok?

Qudwah qobla da'wah pun penting. Try, k, Liyana?

'Laa tai'asuu min rauhillah'~

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relocating

So we are moving.. guess where? Hint: im gonna be the happiest person among the staff ;D

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Sajak di dalam suratkhabar Berita Minggu bertarikh 4 Mac 2012.

Walaupun kite bukan anak didik Madrasah Wak Tanjong, apatah lagi diajar oleh Ustaz (berpapasan lalu menyapa atau disapa pun tidak), kite rasa sebak jugak.

Allahummaghfirlahu warhamhu wa 'aafihi wa'fu anhu..

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dark skin and swimming

Bila tgh belajar berenang ni, baru kite perasan muka kite semakin gelap. Yikesness!! Im in need of a sunblock! Aqila kata dia gunakan aloe vera gel (yang Fruits of the Earth punya brand); dia tunjukkan brand Banana Boat jugak. But picky me, im hoping for something that has a Halal logo on it. Haiz.. i think im gonna pay a visit to the jamu shops at Joo Chiat Complex this Thursday.

Mind you, i don't usually care about my complexion. But im only halfway thru my lessons which means the exposed skin is going to get even darker, so i better take precaution.

On a lighter note, im feeling much much comfortable in the water, now that i can float on my back and swim at the same time, and dive (although i need more practice on this). Swirling and turning my body inside the water, i feel.. relaxed.. just losing myself. Somewhat like a foetus inside a mother's womb. Have to stay alert still, coz i've not suddenly become a fish now, have i? If im not careful with my breathing, i may drown.

All is well, inshaAllah. I do want to learn some techniques on how to hold my breath longer underwater. One step at a time :)

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reciting in the MRT

I think the man sitting in the opposite row is reciting verses of Quran from his smartphone. I can hear the humming. Alhmdulillah..

*smiling in my heart*

(well, i cant actually smile to myself right now, can i? What will people think? Suffice that i feel warmth inside ^_^)

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Saya bercakap seperti budak2 dan kadang2 berkelakuan seperti budak2 tidak bermakna saya berfikiran seperti budak2.

Saya bersyukur di atas kematangan dan kekuatan jiwa yang Allah kurniakan pada saya. Allah tak nampakkan kat semua orang :)

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Tadi tidur dari pukul 10 lebih malam hingga hampir pukul 1 pagi. Skrg rasa tak boleh tidur pulak.

Hmmm....

Kite teringat,

"Awsiinii.."

Tapi.. kite dah tak ingat seluruh wasiyyah ust. :'( dahsyat, kan, memori kite? Mungkin sebab kite emosi masa tu. Yang kite ingat, perkara utama: jadi anak yang solehah.. doakan untuk ayah.

Ya Allah, i want to remember fully. What more did ust say? I do not want to miss a thing.

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makeshift bed

It's 48 minutes past midnight. Going to get some sleep. The sofa's pretty comfortable, actually. And the fan is right above my head.

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PDL

So now, in my dictionary, PDL doesn't just mean Poly-D-Lysine anymore. :) taking baby steps. But surely, inshaAllah.

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These cards were from Marliyana. There was a stack of them. 3 caught my attention; they resonated most, given the low level of spirituality I am at and the emotional turmoil I am in.

From left,

Remember Me and I will remember you. 
- A part of a verse from the Qur'an


Sleep with the remembrance of death and rise with the awareness that you will not live long. 
- Uwais el-Qarni


The best deed of a great person is to forgive and forget.
- Sayyidina Ali bin Abi Talib 

Wished I could keep all 3, but alas, I chose one that I think I need right now.

And those wise words were spoken by someone whose name I adore. =)

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Almost 3 years on

Now I am the one appraising. Feels kinda weird.

me and teaching

One day, i'm going to have to teach. As much as i say that i don't fancy teaching nor tutoring, i know that only thru imparting knowledge will i be able to revise and increase my own knowledge, expand my capacity and enrich my own self.

Right now i'm reluctant. But i've to keep myself open to possibilities. What i dislike may be that which is good for me. Who knows, when an opportunity arises or circumstances persistently nudge, or suddenly puts, me in that path, I may have a change of heart.

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Sampai juga akhirnya..~

Darul Quran, Kuala Kubu Bharu, Selangor
28 Januari 2012, pukul 4.40 petang

Cik Bakar dah lain.

Bila dengar ayah cakap begitu, rasa seram sejuk sedikit. Next to leave? Allah je yang tahu. Boleh jadi orang yang sihat pergi dulu.

Tahun lepas, Januari, nenek Hasnah.

Dua tahun lepas, Januari juga, nenek Fatimah.

Boleh jadi, mak, ayah, abang, kakak, atau Aqila. Boleh jadi, kau Liyana! kau masih belum siap2!

Mati tu benar, Liyana. Kau tahu, kan?

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I am looking at the pictures from Azizah's wedding album at FB. *sigh* I am still feeling sad that I could not attend her wedding.

I would like to hug her. I wonder when she will be Singapore.

And seeing teacher Fatimah in the pictures...... Allah..! I would like to kiss her hand and hug her too. I am forever grateful that she was my English teacher.

Ya Allah, please let me see them again~