the same thing.

no use crying
though i feel i should
though i think i need to
though i suppose i would

i didnt spill the milk
but i let it flow down the sink
it was all in my hands
and i chose to ignore

it's a waste
i've always known that
yet i still consume the bitter taste
of disappointment and regret

at the end of the day
i cant do anything
except to watch the milky stains
gone

i must repent
i need to react
i should correct my mistakes
now
but im not sure if i ever will

think again.

 Monday – 23 May 2005




mind you,but this pic has nothing to do with the poem.
me

just a few pictures from NDC2005

berlagak macho ah! sec4
me



sec4s 2005
me



post-celebration
me



happy company! NDC05
me



konon muka satu2 serious ah~
me


more pics!
*some of the pictures are blurry (or blur??).thanks to the camera girl! ;p i dont blame her though.nk tgk performance + ambik gmbr = mane nk concentrate! hehe~

siapakah DIA??

Siapakah orang yang sibuk?
Orang yang sibuk adalah orang yang tidak mengambil berat akan waktu solatnya seolah-olah ia mempunyai kerajaan seperti kerajaan Nabi Sulaiman a.s


Siapakah orang yang manis senyumanya?
Orang yang mempunyai senyuman yang manis adalah orang yang ditimpa musibah lalu dia kata "Inna lillahi wainna illaihi rajiuun." Lalu sambil berkata,"Ya Rabbi Aku redha dengan ketentuanMu ini", sambil mengukir senyuman.


Siapakah orang yang kaya?
Orang yang kaya adalah orang yang bersyukur dengan apa yang ada dan tidak lupa akan kenikmatan dunia yang sementara ini.


Siapakah orang yang miskin?
Orang yang miskin adalah orang tidak puas dengan nikmat yang ada sentiasa menumpuk - numpukkan harta.


Siapakah orang yang rugi?
Orang yang rugi adalah orang yang sudah sampai usia pertengahan namun masih berat untuk melakukan ibadat dan amal-amal kebaikan.


Siapakah orang yang paling cantik?
Orang yang paling cantik adalah orang yang mempunyai akhlak yang baik.


Siapakah orang yang mempunyai rumah yang paling luas?
Orang yangmempunyai rumah yang paling luas adalah orang yang mati membawa amal-amal kebaikan di mana kuburnya akan di perluaskan saujana mata memandang.


Siapakah orang yang mempunyai rumah yang sempit lagi dihimpit?
Orang yang mempunyai rumah yang sempit adalah orang yang mati tidak membawa amal-amal kebaikkan lalu kuburnya menghimpitnya.


Siapakah orang yang mempunyai akal?
Orang yang mempunyai akal adalah orang-orang yang menghuni syurga kelak kerana telah mengunakan akal sewaktu di dunia untuk menghindari siksa neraka.


Siapakah orang yang paling kuat ?
Orang yang paling kuat adalah orang yang dapat menahan lidah dan tangannya daripada menginggung dan mencederakan orang lain ketika sedang marah.



email from Khalifah Islam thursday 25 august 2005

It's OVER! (well~ not quite..)

i've been 'inactive' for more than a week i guess..bcoz of:

FINAL YEAR EXAMINATIONS 2005

seriously, man, the reality is 'inevitable'..there could never be:"oh ok! i've realised my mistakes..i've recognized ustaz's style..jd next year boleh buat lebih betul2!" again.

yeah..i cant say that anymore..n i should've done much2 better. well, the thing is, the exams were quite bad for me. im dead serious, ok? everyday, every time i finished one paper, the satisfaction was 'missing'. i never felt happy, relieved or anything. coz there are/were mistakes (careless or simply i-do-not-know-the-answer)..n every mistake took me further away from my aim. it seems that my chances of getting mumtaz syaraf is thin.

i was especially disappointed about my fiqh/usul fiqh/faraidh paper. n sejarah. n hadith. i dont know how to describe the exact feeling of disappointment n regret that im experiencing right now. i did feel like cring days ago, yesterday, today.. but i just cant, or perhaps something inside of me commands me not to. to think of it, there's no use crying. it's my own fault. n i should just 'rest my case'.

'wa ufawwidhu amrii ilallah'

i know i have to accept whatever that has happened, n its consequences..im trying..i must..

Oh Allah! i trust that what You have planned for me is for my own good. there's a hikmah behind all these failures n pitfalls that i've been through - especially this year - though sometimes i cant see it.n although the memories hurt so much n my faith was low..i believe in You!

Oh Lord! Please help me...i need Your guidance...bask me in Your blessings..
i feel very far away from You..but i dont want to get lost..

please give me the strength coz i feel weak,
the confidence coz it is sinking,
the patience coz it is thinning,
the perseverence coz i feel like giving up,
the calmness coz i feel insecured,
the bravery coz im getting scared...

sometimes..i hate myself..i just hate the lazy part of me..the feeling is so overwhelming sometimes..oh well~

anyway, the exam's not quite over..i still have math, english n bahasa melayu papers to take..after the one-week holiday ah.. but next week, there is going to be Qur'an oral..easy, insha Allah!

:)


p/s: i know i havent written about the national day celebration n stuff..but that can wait!

up! up! UP AND AWAY!

i received the email below from natina_shima85 on monday 4 july 2005.
i like it. :) :)

*****************

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this . .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be
dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning and we close it UP at night.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP
a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with
a hundred or more.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now .... my time is UP, so............ Time to shut UP.....!

Emulsifiers...Caution!

HARAM FOOD ADDITIVE (LEMAK BABI) CONTAIN IN MOST
CHOCOLATES & ICE-CREAM

E120 E474 120 435 482
E140 E475 141 436 483
E141 E477 160A 441 491
E252 E478 161&A 470 492
E422 E481 252 471 494
E430 E482 300 472a-e 542
E431 E483 301 473 570
E470 E491 422 474 572
E471 E492 430 475 631
E472a-e E494 431 476 635
E473 128 433 481 920

RENNET (CHEESE) - milk coagulant extract of Renin enzyme from calves stomach (Calf Rennet) or adult Bovine stomach (Bovine Rennet).
PEPSIN is a milk-coagulating enzyme found in pig's stomach.

Reproduced from original (info) provided by T.M. FOUZY TRAVELS & TOURS

***************

KINDLY TAKE NOTE

SOYA LECITHIN (SOYABEAN) IS HALAL
E = EMULSIFIER
PLEASE LOOK OUT FOR THE ABOVEMENTIONED ADDITIVES BEFORE BUYING/EATING ANY CHOCOLATES OR ICE-CREAM WHICH HAS CERTIFIED HALAL STAMP ON THEM

HARAM ANIMAL INGREDIENTS

DIGLYCERIDE, ENZYME, FATTY ACIDS, GLYCERIDE, HORMONES, GLYCERINE/GLYCEROL, HYDROLYSED ANIMAL PROTEIN, MONOGLYCERIDES, PHOSPHOLIPIDS, OXYSTAFARIN, PEPSIN, GLYCINE, GELATINE, LECITHIN, STABILIZER, STEARIC ACID, LARD, MAGNESIUM STEARATE

Whey & Whey solids - portions of milk remains by acid or Rennet (Swine, Bovine or Microbial) and removal of curd and used as source of lactose, milk solids and whey & whey proteins. Whey solids are solid fraction of whey

Reproduced from original (info) provided by SAKINAH TRAVELS & TOURS

The Pencil Maker

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box. There are 5 things you need to know, he told the pencil, before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil
you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be guided by Someone's hand.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.

Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside.

And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.

Now put your self in the place of the pencil. Always remember these five things and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

***********************

an email from faded_dreams saturday 13 august 2005

does God exist?????

Does GOD exist?>there seems to be a good logical answer..

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving a God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber fi nishedhis job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop,he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did,there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards,like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! " answered the barber. " What happens, is,people do not come to me. "

"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

*****************

taken from an email from siti_nuraisyah@hotmail.com friday 12 august 2005

dewa dewi~~

hari sabtu, 060805, kelas mcm biase je...
sampai sekolah pukul lapan..ade english oral trial exam...i guess i did ok..basically, i wasnt nervous coz the examiner was my own english teacher, Ms. Habeebah..she said that i could've done better..oh well~ i ended up getting 33/40..duh! as if i would score that much in the real exam *shivers*
lepas tu, ade kelas ustaz mohd bin rais...beliau ialah presiden mahkamah syariah..betul! kelas tk lah boring dan tk lah best sgt..biase2 je..hmm~ it's really a good thing ustaz ajar kite, sbb kite dah kenal beliau, n sebab tu, kite dapat jwb satu soalan kt kuiz aljunied tu: "siapa presiden dan presiden kanan mahkamah syariah?" well, i was doubtful at first..klw ust mohd presiden, ust salim jasman sape?? but then, kite shoot je ah..ust mohd presiden, ust salim jasman presiden kanan..fuyo! betul! hehe..budak2 lain tk tau pon jawapan dier..alsagoffians je tahu! *kembang2* ;p
n then, kite sepatutnye ade kelas nahu, tp ust damawiyah cancel sbb ust nk susun trophy..ape lagi; happy lah budak2 sec 4! *devilish grin* n so, budak2 stage n flooring pon start decorate hall..budak sec3 sibuk siap2 untuk dikir barat pukul 11 nanti...budak2 primary sibuk berlatih untuk ndc - national day Celebration..
pukul 11, sepatutnye 23 budak sec 4 ade kelas maths dgn madam rahimah...tp kite mintak tangguh (malas punye budak! ;p) tp end up, tk belajar langsung (me dpt tahu yg teacher ckp:lagi bagus (klw tk de kelas) - dier kate sec 4 ade mental/-ity problem..alahai~ gasaklah)...
jeng jeng...dikir pon start..antare budak sec 2a n 3b..fuyo, semangat sey diorg, siap sewa baju lagik (untuk dewa ah..baju kurung lelaki), yg dewi, mak husna jahitkan..quite nice..
alkisah~ dewi persoalkan hak wanita yg sebenarnye bukan setakat kt ceruk dapur je..tp boleh berdiri same tinggi dengan dewa (lelaki)..si dewa plak pertahankan martabat lelaki..paham2 je lah ye ape yg me katekan nie..
me salute ah kt pelajar2 nie semue..diorang lame practise..dah lah steps-nye byk..tp alhamdulillah, they manage to pull it all together (betul ke vocab?) sec 4 n beberape org guru jd judge..i wanted to vote for dewi..gerakan, rentak, vocal seimbang...tp tk ah bersemangat mcm dewa (ye lah kate pompan, gaye pon kene lah lemah lembut sikit!)
yg si dewa plak...macho! siap dengan 'janggut' - diorang gunekan marker, draw kt dagu.. bagi me, vocal n percussion diorang ade tk kene sikit ar..tp, gerakannye, fuyo! lebih 'compleks' daripada dewi punye...they were awesome! ehem~ehem~ si tukang karut plak, shahidah, tetibe nmpk mcm lelaki betul gitu..quite hensem ar...dgn sunglasses dier..ainul pon orite jugak ar..jd juara..hehe..shahidah, klw ant bace nie, jgnlah kembang ye! bahaye! *lolz* :)
for me, i really like dewa nye chorus..the rentak is very..very...ntahlah, tak tau ape nk describe...yg me tahu, setiap kali chorus, mesti kepala n badan pon ikut gerak sekali (you know what i mean?)
at last...dewi menang! based on our votes ar..sec 4 je yg diberi previlege (ehem!) untuk vote..budak kelas lain tgk je..tp, guru2 lebih suke dewa nye performance..so, nk kire, seri jugak ar..
hmm~ nk dikatekan, dewi nye steps agak lain daripade the conventional one..innovative ar..juara n tukang karut diorang pon memang sedap suare nye (bravo to nirwana n husna!)...tp, me rase, dewa lebih kelakar..energetic..yelah, sbb kene jd lelaki kan..

************************

after all these..me tk balik lagik..konon nk tolong decorate dewan ah..tp, mcm tk pulak! me, hafizah n aishah kasim pegi beli makanan..hati rase tenang ar, tk takut2..sbb nie first time kite keluar beli makanan dengan restu daripada pihak pejabat (cewah~)...kumpul2 duit..kite beli murtabak..mmg tk kenyang..tp, laa ba'sa bih!
in my opinion, the hall looked nice..lain daripade tahun2 yg lepas...liyana kate diorg ikut konsep promnight..merah putih ar...nanti klw ade gmbr, i'll put it here k?

hmmm~ you know what, as i sat there looking at my classmates..working together to paste this, climb that etc etc..i felt happy..yes, i was simply happy..i dunno why.. i was smiling all the way i think... but i think, i was starting to miss 'something'..the ambience perhaps? the togetherness?? in my mind, i tot..hey! im going to leave all these soon..n start a new life..n that new life will never be the same - nor can replace - the joys n sorrows of me n my frens for/in 10 years..
*smile sadly*

******************

ok, i have to go now..see you again soon (i hope)

flashback! recap!

ok!ok! i know, dah 13 hari i didnt update the story of my life here...here goes:

after peraduan tahfiz kt mwti tu, my mission belum lagi habes...tinggal satu je..iaitu, peraduan syarahan at alsagoff.
hmmm...i was quite pressured (ke pressurised???) by the fact that i HAD to win this competition...*my classmates would know how it was* FYI, my school had won the Cup for 2 years in a row, 2003 n 2004..guess who won that??? me.
i still remember, last year, ade beberape calon jugak yg kene buat text and then ade some kind of trial/audition, sape paling bagus dipilih untuk masuk. tp, rate2 semue tarik diri...n then, tinggal me sorang n seorang pelajar..tp, ust pilih ana..atas sebab2 yg tertentu *sape kenal me, tahu2 aje lah* ;)
tahun nie pon ade calon2...tp, pihak pejabat nk me yang masuk...konon nk cerahkan lagi peluang alsagoff dpt menang *duh*..as for me, i was doubtful...yelah, klw expectation mcm gini...manelah tau, Allah nk tarik ke?! mcm terlalu confident gitu kan alsagoff nie? mcm terlalu mengharapkan! n i dont like that!

pendek cerite, ust yg buatkan text...im really greatful..coz i know i dont have the time to write one. n so...me rehearse je ah..for about 2 weeks...around 4/5 page long..for a 10-minute speech. quite easy to remember ah.. :)

then, the day came...i was nervous-wrecked, man! sehari sebelum pon me dah seram sejuk! before the syarahan competition, ade peraduan bercerite, peringkat rendah ah.. mase tu, me kt kelas, tgh belajar..fuyo! tk boleh concentrate sey...tgn dah sejuk dulu! me takut klw peristiwa mcm kt wak tanjong berulang... *forget my lines* na'uzubillah!

i didnt watch all the participants...i was looking out for the maarifian..yelah, diorang pon bagus jugak...i've been making observations for quite a long time...and maarifians prove to be very good in syarahan..hmmm....i guess i did ok...though i nearly forgot my lines...alhamdulillah...

alas...my school won..in syarahan n bercerite :) :) :) bercerite dah menang 3 kali, syarahan pon same...jd alsagoff dpt simpan cup sampai biler2 :)

***************************

pasal prisma plak - i've done the certificates!!! they're NICE!! im lovin' it! hehe.. sayangnye, me tk dapat letak my own name as the president..sebaliknye, kene letak name presiden baru...it's ok i guess...at least i follow the rule! klw tahun lepas punye, kak shahida letak name dier..oh well...i guess liyana's the one who puts things back in the correct manner huh? ;|
tp, tak tau ah biler nk adekan majlis penyerahan jawatan and certificates and pembubaran AJK...biler pikir balik..kelakar kan, session nie setakat 6 bulan je..tp kt certificate letak satu tahun..haiz~ sesi2 yg lame, diorang selalu tukar jawatan pada akhir2 tahun..n then, tahun lepas, EXCO baru dilantik dlm bulan oktober atau november gitu...jd, mcmane nk lakarkan aktiviti ye tak? so, terpakselah tunggu sampai januari 2005...
me ingatkan nk tukar jawatan after raye tahun nie...but again...we must not repeat the same mistakes as sesi2 dahulu...n so, again, this session's the one who puts things back in order :) the way it's supposed to be..
nvm...overall, i enjoy this session...it's much better that the previous ones...nk kate, our team the first one untuk memajukan n memantapkan prisma... we took the first step...mmg ah plans banyak! tp mase sikit...jd, kite dapat buat sikit je ah...tp memuaskan, betul tk?? *EXCO n AJK mesti angguk kan?* hehe..

*********************

sekarang..dah tkde aktiviti lagi...i can concentrate on my studies...but it's still hard...many distractions (like now!)..but i will strive insha Allah! MUMTAZ SYARAF! HERE I COME! *smile weakly*

********************

i guess that's all for now... nak stop ah...dah terkeluar schedule nie..sepatutnye sekarang me kene belajar Adab (sastera arab - cewah~ mcm betul je!)...
nak kate, hari nie punye cerite pon best jugak...tp lain kali ah me type it here..tu pon klw maseh ingat....

******************

oh! before i forget...my uncle died on tuesday, 2 august 2005 :'(...tell you about it later.

Wasiat Rasulullah kepada Ali

Wahai Ali, bagi orang 'ALIM itu ada 3 tanda2nya:

1) Jujur dalam berkata-kata.

2) Menjauhi segala yg haram.

3) Merendahkan diri.



Wahai Ali, bagi orang yg JUJUR itu ada 3 tanda2nya:

1) Merahsiakan ibadahnya.

2) Merahsiakan sedekahnya.

3) Merahsiakan ujian yg menimpanya.



Wahai Ali, bagi org yg TAKWA itu ada 3 tanda2nya:

1) Takut berlaku dusta dan keji.

2) Menjauhi kejahatan.

3) Memohon yang halal kerana takut jatuh dalam keharaman.



Wahai Ali, bagi AHLI IBADAH itu ada 3 tanda2nya:

1) Mengawasi dirinya.

2) Menghisab dirinya.

3) Memperbanyakkan ibadah kepada Allah s.w.t.

perkara yang selalu kite buat dek! AZAN

Kematian itu pasti menjelma. Hanya masa dan waktunya yang tidak kita ketahui.Cubakita amati. Mengapa kebanyakan orang yg nazak, hampir ajal tidak dapat berkata apa-apa..lidahnya kelu, keras dan hanya mimik mukanya yang menahan kesakitan 'sakaratul maut'.
>
>Diriwayatkan sebuah hadis yg bermaksud: "Hendaklah kamu mendiamkan diri ketika azan, jika tidak Allah akan kelukan lidahnya ketika maut menghampirinya." Ini jelas menunjukkan kita disarankan agar mendiamkan diri jangan berkata apa-apa pun semasa azan berkumandang.
>
>Sebagai orang beragama Islam kita wajib menghormati azan. Banyak fadhilatnya. Jika lagu kebangsaan kita diajar agar berdiri tegak dan diamkan diri. Mengapa ketika azan kita tidak boleh mendiamkan diri?
>
>Lantas sesiapa yang berkata-kata ketika azan, Allah akan kelukan lidahnya ketika nazak. Kita takut dengan kelunya lidah kita semasa ajal hampir tiba maka kita tidak dapat mengucap kalimah "Lailahaillallah.." yang mana Sesiapa yang dapat mengucapkan kalimah ini ketika nyawanya akan dicabut Allah dengan izinNya menjanjikan syurga untuk mereka. Dari itu marilah kita sama-sama menghormati azan dan mohon kepada Allah supaya lidah ini tidak kelu semasa nyawa kita sedang dicabut. "Ya Allah! Anugerahkanlah kematian kami dengan kematian yang baik lagi mulia, lancarkan lidah kami mengucap kalimah "Lailahaillallah.." semasa sakaratul maut menghampiri kami. Amin.. amin..amin Yarobbal
>
>a'lamin.."
>


email from Khalifah Islam - tuesday 2 august 2005

patrizio buanne ...whooOoOo

biler tgk advertisement kt tv pasal artist namenye, "patrizio buanne"...tibe2 me tertarik kt satu lagunye..tp, kt tv tu tk letak lagu ape!..ish~ so, skrg nie me tgh dlm usaha (cewah~) untuk cari that particular song! hehe..semangat sey..niwei, at first i thought penyanyi nie tua, sbb lagu2 dier mcm lame2 punye type..italian ah...
*************
hah! me dah jumpe lagu dier!! PARLA PIU PIANO...haiz~ ape agaknye maknenye..nk kene cari nie! skrg me tgh download lagu dier! hehe...semangat lagik!

patrizio buanne =D
me