another gift, another sign..



.. that Allah listens and is opening opportunities for me to be better :')

In a few recent Stories of Prophets lessons, i was introduced to the name of Umm 'Ammarah. Pretty admirable lady, frm what ustaz Bani described to us.

so, terdetik dlm hati nak google and read abt her. Belum terbuat.

Dan pernah juga terdetik dlm hati nak mula ambil tahu - betul2 ambil tahu - siapakah sebenarnya saiyidatina Khadijah dan Aishah.

Tup tup, hari ni.. dapat hadiah buku ini! Terima kasih kpd kawan2 A, F dan R~~

Allah is telling me something here..
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Pukul 1am lebih tadi: niat di hati nak tutop laptop dan gi tidur.

Sekali!

Nampak sahabat yg di Jordan online.

Siap call, eh? Utk dgr kite punye "khabar kabiir raa'i'!" :p

Sayangnya, couldnt understand her properly even though the voice was clear. Like, her words all mushed up. So, kita sambung online chat.

Satu jam lebih kemudian ni.. belum habis berbual, ye.

Rinduuuuu..!

Ana nak terbang ke Jordan berbual dgn anti face-to-face lah. Byk benda ana nak cerita dan nak tanya anti.. :') ana nak jalan tempat2 yg anti jalan, ana nak lihat tempat2 dan orang2 yg anti lihat..

Hmm.. lagi 3 sem. Harapnya jumpa lagi ye selepas tu? Tapi.. klw tak..

ﻋﺴﻰ ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﺃﻥ ﻳﺠﻤﻌﻨﺎ ﺛﺎﻧﻴﺔ
ﻓﻲ ﺟﻨﺔ ﻗﻄﻮﻓﻬﺎ ﺩﺍﻧﻴﺔ

:')
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Get lost in Allah first, liyana.. boleh?

Don't taint it. You dont want the barakah to be taken away. So, please, liyana, take good care of yourself. Be spiritually and mentally ready.
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Perempuan kena tegas ok? Kena. Tegas.

Cakap yg perlu je. Ttg perkara2 yg perlu je.

Komunikasi memang penting. Kite faham sangat2.

Tapi kite takut. Tak tahu mana nak draw the line. Kite takut kite terpijak over the line. Perbualan biasa2, topik biasa2, tapi hati tak biasa, kan? Ada rasa terusik, tak?

Tak nak menyakiti. Mcm mana kite sampaikan msg ni secara subtle, eh? Definisi 'perkara yg perlu' bagi kite, blh jadi ia berbeza bagi orang lain.

Aku mahu tegas kerana Mu, ya Rabb! Aku sangat2 takut akan azabMu. Aku takut aku menjadi fitnah kpd seseorg. Aku takut aku jadi lemah. Biarlah, jika orang itu dan orang2 lain fikir aku ni syadid. Jagalah hatiku, ya Rabbiiii.. :'(




*feeling pelik, x selesa, 'hmmm', irritated-with-self-coz-i-sense-im-starting-to-enjoy-the-exchange*
*k, get back to work*
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Pagi2 ni, filling my stomach with dates still left over frm ramadhan and some cherries.

First time dlm seumur hidup makan cherry segar! Many2 months ago when kak khad shared that fresh cherries are *delicious*, i was skeptical AND curious.
Selama ni kan, makan cherry yg atas kek tu.. which i dont fancy.

Ada rezki bulan ni, kite beli lah satu paket.. rasanya?

Tak lah manis mcm longan atau blackberry.. sipi2 je. Masam sgt pun tidak. Maybe the cherries frm this particular farm memang bukan jenis yg juicy+manis gils.

Nevertheless, now i know what it tastes like!

I wonder where to get those oh-so-yummy ones as described by kak khad..

On another note, this morning im feeling extra alert, while at the same time, physically tired. Just cant go back to sleep!

Last night, after the guest had left, after bro filled me in with details and his inputs.. i felt overwhelmed. I really thought i wouldnt be able to sleep, since my brain was activelytthinking this and that. Sat at the living room, contemplating.. it was prolly almost 1am.

Mum asked if i would like to share what was on my mind. So i did. My concerns, worries, hopes.. alhamdulillah sgt2 dapat keluarkan apa yg terbuku kat hati. I dont usually share intimate stuff and my deep thoughts with my mum, but this time, i know it was the right moment and i just had be mature and honest abt it.

I returned to my room. A bit more of contemplation. Then i crashed. The last time i checked my hp, it was abt 15 min past 2am. Nyenyak, alhamdulillah ^_^
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I spotted this quote in FB newsfeed earlier this evening:

"Keep praying for what it is you seek. Impossibility and possibility are merely concepts of your mind, to Allah nothing is impossible"

On another note, with Allah, nothing is impossible.


So what is it, Liyana, that you are looking for? Don't stop asking Allah for it, ok?

Riyadhussolihin





Selepas lebih dari sebulan, akhirnya, kitab Riyadhussolihin sampai juga ke tangan kite ^___^

Kite tengah ikuti kelas pembacaan kitab Riyadhussolihin kendalian Tradisi Halaqah cawangan Muslimah, di Darul Furqan. Baru bab 3 atau 4.. sebab sebelum mula kitab ni, kita baca kitab Tuhfah Azhariah dulu.. kemudian, sempat baca sampai bab 3 atau 4 then hiatus, sebab kak Halimah gi Tarim. Ni dia baru balik, inshaAllah will be resuming the class tomorrow!


Masa mula2 kelas berlangsung, macam reunion. Kak Halimah ada, kak Mariam ada, kak Mardhiyah ada, 'Adilah ada, kak Shaista pon pernah turun sekali! Allah.. rasanya dah bertahun tak jumpa dia. Rezki dapat jumpa tahun ni. Rupa2nya, dia duduk di Penang bersama suami dan dua anaknya. My memory of her masih 'stuck' kat MKS, jadi susah sikit nak imagine dia sudah berkeluarga! hehe..

Kelas ni tak lah seperti kelas Syamail, di mana guru terangkan sekali makna hadith. It's purely 'reading', sekali sekala je pause klw ada point2 yang berfaedah or relevant. Hmm.. ok lah jugak. Kita yang kena rajin baca makna (dan cuba fahamkan) pada masa lapang. Speaking of which, kite belum habis baca! Huhu.. masih rilek2 baca the first few pages of kitab terjemahan terbitan Pustaka Nasional. Tuan penterjemah ada masukkan section  'Mustholah Hadith', jadi itu lah yang sedang kite baca.. revise balik ilmu yang pernah kite belajar 8 tahun lalu *gasp! dah 8 tahuuunnn..?* Useful! Baarakallahu fiihim!

Anyway, so, on 31 July, I met up with Afza after tarawih to collect the book. Tengok beg plastiknya je terus... teringat Mesir. Awwwwwww.... Masa kat sana tahun lepas, A'feyah ada pesan beli buku banyak2, tapi, hati tak terbukak untuk beli ape2. Nampak gedung Darussalam kat Husain, tapi tak teringin time tu untuk jejakkan kaki ke dalam. Sekarang, ada lah rasa "what if..". Apa pun, qaddarallah! Suatu hari bila kite ke sana lagi, inshaAllah, kite nak check out the bookstore.

Actually, ingatkan Afra & Afza masih tinggal kat blok sebelah. Rupa2nya, keluarga mereka dah pindah ke Johor.. postpone punye postpone, alhamdulillah, dapat jugak jumpa malam tu. Syukran kathiran kepada Afza kerana tolong bawa + simpankan dan kepada Ummu Aiman kerana belikan, dan kepada sesiapa sahaja yang involved yang mungkin kite tak tahu. Semoga bagi antum pahala yang terus mengalir.. selagi mana kite belajar kitab ni dan selagi mana kite amalkan apa yang kite pelajari dari hadith2 yang ada di dalam :')

Dah tu, excited sangat so dalam mrt kite belek2 kitab.. kite baca muqaddimah oleh Imam Nawawi.. sampai ke perenggan ni, terus kite terkedu:


Makna:



Sebab kan masa tu kite tercari2, kepingin2, untuk sembuhkan hati kite yang sedang sakit ni. Hati ni tengah sakit sangat2

Allah terus beri jawapan. Ya, kite perlu istiqamah hadirkan diri dalam kelas Riyadhussolihin ni khususnya dan majlis2 ilmu amnya, duduk bersama kawan2 yang baik, dalam suasana yang baik. Inilah satu cara yang ada untuk kite pulihkan diri kite. I am still hopeful that one day, Allah will give me the opportunity to go on a journey, traverse the world to seek meanings, to search my soul, and to learn.



feels good to be back..




.. to this place which played a significant part in my childhood and adolescence.

I'm feeling warmth, fondness, sadness, gratefulness.. a blend of emotions.. somewhat longing to view the past.

I'm glad i came here. Alone. To be with myself. Seeking solace.

Even more glad that i get to be at the 2nd level.. turns out the 1st floor is converted to male section temporarily in Ramadhan. The 2nd level musolla holds a lot of memories. Ahh.. wish i can slowly play them back.

And tonight, i shall fall asleep staring at those familiar lines of brown 'bookshelves', as i call the ceiling. ^_^

Tusbihiina 'alal khair!
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I need to go to a place where I will be humbled to the ground. Where I can wash away this disease, where I will be taught and guided to purify my heart.

Ya Allah... where?
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Been keeping this for 5 years. A Mosaic assignment frm Arts Appreciation module (a cross-disciplinary subject). I got 14.5 marks out of 20. Okayy lah.. i knew my artpiece was mediocre pun.

Finally, i reached a point of 'i-dont-care-anymore' to throw it away. This and a bunch of old magazines, brochures, books, papers.

Liyana suka eh simpan2!
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I have butterflies in my stomach yet again. Been smiling to myself silly for the past 1 hour.

I need to focus on my work lah, liyana..! Can you shut your thoughts til 6pm? Better yet, til the end of Ramadhan..??

Seriously, this is the biggest mujahadah yet. The ultimate Ramadhan Challenge. Ya Allah.. please help me contain my thoughts and feelings, and redirect my focus back to You, to what's now, to reality, to improving my own self.
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I woke up this morning, groggy.

It's the 2nd time this month; that i couldn't sleep. Prolly 2 hours of light sleep? Or 3?

Still feeling shocked. Not 'surprised', but 'thrown off your wheels' kind of shock.

Hmm... mcm nak ambil cuti je.
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I dreamt that Aszafirah and Kamaliah got married on the same day. Cant remember if the dream was last night's or 2 nights ago.

Cute lah! I dunno why i suddenly dreamt of them. And i dunno whether i should share this happy dream with them.. i dont even know if either of them is getting engaged, is engaged or is getting married.

Rindu kat diorang kot? ^_^

Let's see how the future unfolds!
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jalan raya yang sibuk


Masa tgh berbual dgn Aiman tadi, 2.15ptg waktu Kahirah, dia dan kawan2nya tgh ada study group. Lagi 7 kertas peperiksaan, katanya.

Teringat tahun lepas, bila mereka2 ni baru nak ke sana.. pergi workshop2 pra-keberangkatan..masih bersiap2.. :) Semoga Allah terangkan hati mereka.. semoga mereka ikhlas dalam belajar.. hati2 dlm beradab dan berakhlak.. sebab kat sana, Allah beri kat siapa yg deserving je, dan Dia uji siapa yg Dia kehendaki.


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One of my favourite bookmarks! And i just love love LOVE the words.. *happy sigh*

i'm glad i bought it, many years ago.

About 2 weeks back, i finished reading Have A Little Faith (by Mitch Albom). Such a wonderful book! The old rabbi's outlook of life, especially. He was traditional, wise and open. He UNDERSTOOD. Never mind that he came from a different religion. I think that, men of God, regardless of beliefs, if they are really sincere in learning and trying to understand and live the core of God's message, the virtues would eventually manifest in them.. and we find inspiration in their character, speech and thoughts.
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even smaller world

The new NI president is the younger brother of my schoolmate in Alsagoff. I forgot whether we had been in a same form class before.

That's twice already. The first was the ex-president (2006?) is the cousin of my junior.

In a way, i'm glad.. Allah's showing me that He has been putting me in the right places, where i was supposed to be.. Alsagoff, Temasek Poly, NI..

Im just wondering.. where will I be put next.
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Mute?

It's like I've forgotten how to carry a conversation. Or start one.

This past week, I did a series of tests with my co-worker. It's been a long time since we did an assignment together. We have our own individual work domain and usually attachment students would do the QC tests. Currently we don't have any students, so she and I have to help out. Not long after we started the first test, I became aware of the silence. I realised I had nothing to share with her about. I used to have. Oh, we did talk a bit about trivial matters (to me, lah).. but that was it, I guess.

And today, I had usrah session with 3 friends. One of them, I had been wanting to meet and catch up for like.. 2 months? But when she was beside me, I noticed, again, that I didn't have anything to say to her. It bothered me quite a bit. I mean, I didn't want her to think I was ignoring her. One (big) part of me didn't feel like speaking at all (read: lazy, 'heavy tongue'), while another was urging to find a topic, a question, something substantial to share with/ask her. Then, I just thought to myself, "you know what, just stop trying. Simply enjoy her company. That'll do." After that, I was more calm.

I am beginning to think if this is the result of me working alone most of the time. Like I mentioned just now, my colleagues and I, we have our own set of tasks, and usually one is at building A, another at building B and the other at another area altogether. Even if we're in the same lab, we would be doing different things, so talk time is minimal there. I find myself keeping silent when we're not discussing about work. Like, I am not interested to ask you something or tell you what I did last night. But, if you ask me something, or tell me something, I'll respond enthusiastically and join in the casual conversation.

Plus, I don't get involved in social projects, unlike when I was younger. In classes that I attend, I usually just smile at my neighbour. If it's someone that I already know, I would chat her up, of course.. but it always stops short. Hmmm...

People say I am friendly. Truthfully, it takes effort. These days, takes even more effort. I ran out of ideas and content pretty fast.

I can feel my communication skills deteriorating. Either my thoughts are swirling endlessly in my mind, or it's empty. I need to talk more, open up more.

Having said all of the above, I want you to know this: if I am silent around you, it doesn't mean there's something about you that is irritating me or I want to ignore you. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with my silence, I just can't help it sometimes. Please know that I appreciate your presence.





Saw cute (yet elegant) little boxes...

... of dates at Mustafa Centre last night. "Ajwa with nuts and cardamom". From Al Alwani Dates.

Couldn't pass it up! So I bought a small packet (6 inside, all wrapped together in a transparent-with-flower-motifs plastic). Costs $5.50. Makes a nice, simple gift if you're looking for one. There's a bigger, 'official' packaging too.. I think the price is $20-plus. Expensive, I knoww!

As for the taste.. well, if you don't mind spice + sweetness, it's alright =)




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This day, I have completed my collection of Harry Potter books. *lalalalala~~~~*



It was totally unexpected! Passed by Lot1 shopping centre, and as I went inside, I saw a small book sale. "Oh, goodie!", I smiled to myself, thinking of just browsing.. and voila! Immediately my eyes caught the familiar book covers! I had wanted to buy these last 2 books for a few years already. BUT but, picky me wanted the original cover designs. Couldnt find any in Popular bookstore nor Amazon. It's like, it no longer exists. Huhu.. disheartening, can?! So, when i saw the 2 gems, I simply couldnt resist. *warghhh*

$9.90 for The Half-Blood Prince, $19.90 for The Deathly Hallows. Both are hardcover. I wonder what's the usual price..

The 7th book with adult (first) cover design was also available. $4 cheaper. Was contemplating with edition to take.. alas, i chose the kids cover so that my whole collection matches!

These books are for me to re-read in years to come, and my kids.. and grandkids. Coz i want to share with em one of my favourite things :)
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Arranging the post-it notes in alphabetical order..



.. helps me see the recurring messages and themes.

And, i categorised them into 2 groups: 'comments/praises abt the speaker or seminar' and 'lessons/takeaways'. Below is the 'comments/praises' group:



Positive! Alhamdulillah..
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