I wanna be Better!

there's a friendly match with NUS at NUS tomorrow. im thinking of going. hmmm...

and i managed to drag my lazy feet to tuesday's training -

my first time sparring after soo many months.

for your information, we cannot wear spectacles during sparring. not are we allowed earrings, studs, necklace, bracelet, hairpins and rings.. as for hairband, girls are encouraged to use a 'soft' one.

and to tell you the truth, not wearing specs during sparring really makes me insecure. like, i cant see enough. my vision now is worse than months ago. and with the IVP coming in march, i expect my vision to be worse, if not the same, as today.

but... i dont want to wear contact lenses.. scares me, man! eye infection, fungus and whatnots. plus, i only intend to wear them when i spar.. so for the rest of the days or weeks or months, the contact lens box is gonna lay somewhere among my stuff, alone, collecting dust! oh, poor thing..

-self-reflection mode-

i found myself getting lazier and lazier to attend trainings. in the graph depicting my attendance in 1st year and 2nd year, it shows a steep line going downwards.. and it's not rising back up, yet.

questioning myself, why arent you excited about tkd anymore? werent you the one who says that it is a platform to keep yourself fit, coz if not, you dont see yourself exercising those hands and legs?

ironically, when i successfully pushed myself to training, i felt good. good to be back. good to be 'revising' or improving this and that. i especially like it if that day got not so many people. yet, at the same time, i felt particularly frustrated and helpless (and blaming myself) if my kicks/posture are wrong, definitely way below my belt level.

well, that's because you skip training so much, liyana! and that is why your skills are like that!

so, isnt it time for you to buck up? dont you wanna learn the proper way? dont you wanna be good at it? you need practice, more of them! you know you do! and if you are so lazy to do anything about it, why dont you just quit?!

but i dont want to quit. another half of me wants to, though. (because of some reasons. maybe i'll share with you one day.)

for now, im hanging on. i think what is motivating me is the team temasek jacket. i want my jacket back! well, not that i'll be getting the exact same jacket that i wore last year.

you see, there's 'Temasek Polytechnic' sewn at the back of the jacket. unfortunately, it didnt occur to me to check the jacket thoroughly when i collected it. days (or few weeks, i think) after the competition, i returned it to the tkd captain. so that he can help me exchange for a new one. but he never did. hmmm... sabar je.. sabar je.. so now, im still waiting.

this year's IVP is on the 1st and 2nd of march. and my team still hasnt practised much on our pattern. and as for myself, im soooo not ready for sparring competition. arghh..! seram sangat2! i cant do back-thrust spontaneously. no confidence, mah~

yup. that's why im lacking: confidence; since i dont have enough practice, as compared to my tkd mates.

confidence is very important in any sports. and you dont just obtain it anywhere, anytime. after you got the skills, and after you use that skills, then you gain it.

hmmm... oh ya, i missed the january 6th grading. not enough time to practise the grading pattern, plus i was sick. haiz~~ hopefully, i can make it for the april one.

here's the pattern that my team is doing:

below is NTU team doing 'chil-jang' at the IVP NTU Open (pattern) 2006. they're damn goOd! what you're gonna see is an example of excellent execution - powerful, strong, and the same time, smooth~