just for the record (part 1)

I was clearing whatever papers and receipts in my small black pouch. I've had this pouch since.. early 2000s? And I keep ATM transaction receipts and purchase receipts in it.

Guess what?

The ATM transaction receipts were as far back as March 2007! OMG OMG. nampak sangat liyana ni suka simpan2. Among other things, I found these 4 items which I would like to remember, before I throw 'em away -

1. May 05, 2006 I bought my second pair of glasses. $180 (My first pair was when I was in secondary 1) Blue rim, rectangular-ish lenses. I still keep both pair.

2. March 27, 2007 Bought a sleeping bag, for the first time. I remember searching the whole of Tampines Mall for one. Nada. So I went to Century Square. I don't remember if I just bought it 'for future use' or there was an upcoming camp.. I still have it, stashed in my wardrobe.

3. November 11, 2006 A birthday present for my brother - a Billabong wallet. The most expensive present I've given to anyone to date. Nevertheless, I am glad I bought it =)

4. sister Norashikin. Ahh... *feeling nostalgic* I met her at an NTUMS talk in.. lemme see.. 2005, I think. I remember that ust Sakinah recommended us to go. By 'us', I mean, banaat thfz. Maybe it was through email, or she told us about it in one of our classes, or during an usrah. I think I was supposed to go with.. 'Adilah and kak Mardhiyah, but last minute, both of them couldn't make it. So I went alone. It was my first time stepping into NTU campus.

The talk was.. after maghrib? or Isya'? Unfortunately, I can't remember what it was about =( But somehow, I have a feeling it was a session to 'rejuvenate our faith' in the midst of busy school schedules and CCAs. I think back then, I didn't really empathise with what these older brothers and sisters were going thru. I was still in madrasah.. hari2 dalam bi'ah islamiah. Anyway, the sister who befriended me was this sis Norashikin. I met her first (kira.. she was the contactperson ah..).. afterwards she introduced me to a few sisters. I remember eating dinner after the talk outside the LT. I remember feeling shy and awkward coz there were brothers.

And, that was where I met sis Khairiah for the first time. She was wearing a pink tudung labuh. Surprised, I asked her if it was okay to wear tudung labuh in uni, and she said, 'yes!'. =D

I remember following the sisters to somewhere.. maybe a room to pray? hmm.. this part I'm totally blank. Sad sad.. The next part is me in the bus going home with a few sisters. A sis Ira sat beside me. And we talked. I knew I asked her about her course, and at that time, she lives in Admiralty too. I exchanged numbers with sis Norashikin and sis Ira.

Hmm... yeah. I don't think I had seen or heard from them since. Sometime I wonder where they are now, and how they are doing. I hope to see them again.. Of course, I don't expect them to remember me. I was a small kid. hehe.. Just that, y'know, it'll be nice to re-connect. Someday, inshaAllah~

Oh, by the way, just to share, at the back of her card is this -

The next day..

I feel a little bit better now. Alhamdulillah.. And the short article in today's Berita Minggu featuring kak Maryam and kak Nisha motivates me a bit. That's something, to get me back on track. Focus.

--

Anyway, the travelogue I am currently reading is titled Secangkir Teh Pengubat Letih by ustaz Hasrizal Abdul Jamil. I try to imagine the sceneries and places that he described, and I can't help but feel a lil' jealous of the ukhwah he forged with his Turkish companions.. hee.. not negative jealous.. a positive one.. I would also like to travel and live somewhere.. blend myself in a different culture and people. I definitely want to find and get to know those who are of the same faith.

--

I went to the library. Browsed the Adult Fiction section quite cluelessly. Coz I didn't know what titles to pick except Cecelia Ahern's and John Grisham's. I've been wanting to get my hands on the former's The Book of Tomorrow and the latter's The Confession. I am not a fan of John Grisham, coz I've never read his books. Just that I stumbled upon The Confession at Times Bookshop last week, read the synopsis, and decided that I want to give it a try.

Other than that.. I don't really know which books to choose. I think I am going to rely on recommendations I can find in newspapers, internets and magazines. Occasionally I would browse the fiction section in bookstores, pick up random titles (based on the cover illustration and the title.. if they attract me) and read the plot summary. If a book sounds appealing, I would then jot the title and author's name in my HP, noting to self to check it out the next time I visit a library. And occasionally, I would find a gem, where I would go.. "aaaaahhh... this is one of the best books I have ever read" or "just what I need!" or "what a wonderful story!".

So, today while at the New Arrivals table, I saw a book that tells the story of 'the princes of the tower'. Now this, is something I have never heard about. On to another shelf of books, I saw A Secret Alchemy, which revolves around the same topic. Hmm.. piqued my curiosity. Who are they? Found the info here.

--

After that, off to FairPrice which is located underground. I think I spent 40 minutes (probably more) browsing the aisles and reading the ingredients labels. I stopped long enough at my favourite sections - dried fruits (read - not PRESERVED fruits), biscuits, cereals, snack bars, chocolates. *wide grinnnn*

There's a brand I've never heard of - Carman's. They sell granola bars and muesli. Those bars look realllly delicious! But.. hmm.. oh well..

Although, I think I am getting mellower. I mean, now when I read food packagings, I don't immediately put back those that don't have Halal logo. I will examine them.. see if they have Kosher symbol, Halal symbol, vegetarian symbol, organic symbol or not.. and scan the ingredients. Some do look 'harmless'. I am not sure if I will buy these products one day.. just curious, I guess, of the possibility. Hmm...

I want to read about

Robin Hood
the man in the iron mask
Richard The Lion Heart
Dzulqarnain
the Armenians
the history of the Balkans
the last of the Uthmaniyya caliph, his descendants
Mark Twain, who he is
Stephen Hawking's The Great Grand Design

I wonder why I am not that interested in anything south-east asian.

I am feeling miserable.
I feel this way after meetings that I did not expect.
On the way home I could not continue reading the travelogue that I had brought with me.
Felt like crying, alright!
Tried to calm myself by istighfar, but somehow my mind wandered elsewhere.
In, out, in, out.. then, i pulled my thoughts back to earth and istighfar again..
But no.. I felt miserable, and I still am.
I want to get out of this misery.. but, how, ya Allah?
I thought of a way, but am I really ready to do it?
Ya Allah.. please.. put me out of this misery.
I thought I had it tied, bound, shushed away somewhere.
But it came back, and now I am filled with emotions that I don't feel comfortable to even acknowledge.

I should sleep it over.
Maybe I will be feel better in the morning.
But now.. now I feel like erasing my memory.
Can I have a wand and obliviate myself?
I am not joking.
There are some incidences that I wish to forget, because they make me feel this way..
I need to pray harder.
Ask Allah to make these stop.
These thoughts, fantasies, memories.
They are making me ill.

I just need to pray reeeeeeaaallyy hard.

Ya Allah.. Please protect him from me.

Bila seorang anak dan ayah bergaduh, lalu si ayah melepaskan kata-kata kesat, adakah si ayah berdosa? atau tidak? dari perspektif mana harus kita tgk - seorang muslim memaki hamun muslim yang lain, atau seorang ayah marah besar dgn anaknya? *agak keliru dalam hal ni* adakah seorang ayah berhak mengeluarkan kata-kata kesat terhadap anaknya, meskipun si anak lah yang meninggikan suaranya dahulu lantas mencetuskan perang mulut tersebut?

Does the father mean what he said? Does the father really mean what he said? People are often blinded by their anger and they would blurt out things they did not mean, things they would later regret. But is it not during these fiery episodes that their deep thoughts and feelings are brought to the surface? Things they have been keeping for some time, for example, resentment, certain negative impressions they hold on the other person (such as the thought that the son has not been responsible or filial), negative ideas or wishful thinking that, in normal peaceful situation, they strive to push aside because these wishes are morally incorrect and obviously, instigations by the devil.

So.. Both father and son, especially the father, were aware of what they were saying, right?

Suddenly I am curious about the psychology of anger.

About 1 hour ago, Cik Isa's family left our house. And somehow, I am feelin' a bit stressed coz I was not able to strike any conversation with my cousins and cousins-in-law.

No. 1, kak Izan was sitting in between her husband (bro Azmi, who is my cousin) and Rayyan (nephew). No. 2, kak Rusydah and kak Shima were busy looking at wedding pictures and entertaining Azrul (kak Rusydah's son). No. 3, I was sitting at a quite unstrategic place. hmm.. (so, you see, I wanted to talk to my female cousin/cousins-in-law.. not the brothers. huhu)

K takpe.

It's just that, I really need to find ways, make an effort, to get to know 'em. Seriously, bila mak dan ayah dah takda, bila pak cik2, mak cik2 dah takda, camne nak sambung silaturrahim kalau dari sekarang tak cuba?

I saw someone last night. On screen.
I had asked Allah not to let me see this person for 6 months.

I wonder, is it 6 months already?


-----------------------------------------------------------------



Sometimes, I am very very curious about someone that I start thinking, "macam nak hantar wakil pergi merisik".

But, I'd stop myself and say, "then, what?"

when i see her

there are a few sisters whom when i see them, i just feel 'oooOoOooo'.. y'know, rase hormat, rasa sayang, kagum, gembira.. kinda meshed up all together.

these sisters are ones that i treasure. sometimes i feel like i want to protect them.. and du'a for them, that good things will happen to them, and that they will meet someone soleh, and that Allah keep them safe, and that they be steadfast, and iman strengthened..

some of these sisters, i dont even know them that well. tapi dari jauh je, hati ni dah rasa suka kat mereka. just went to Facebook, and just got to know that a mutual friend is married. the only memory i have of her is a bus ride, from wak tanjong to tampines, the three of us, me, 'alimah and her. it was after the syarahan competition, peringkat saringan.. yes. i remember that.. i remember that we had a pleasant conversation. i dont hear a lot about her, but whatever i know so far, is good. and guess what, turns out that she is married to an ustaz of whom i've heard to be direct, passionate when it comes to 'pracitising your religion according to the quran and sunnah', and impress his students by his explanations and arguments. ohh... ini dia orangnya! anyway, back to this particular sister, i must say, she has an aura of maturity, tawadhu'.. segan plak rasanya bila ada dia. hee..

another sister of mine got married last week. hah! i dont remember how long it has been since i last met her. 2 years? or maybe, 3? jumpa je, kat masjid habib noh, on her nikah day! hehe.. can't help but feel suprised, macam-tak-percaya yang dia dah kahwin.. hee.. afwan kak, memori ana masih kat zaman kita kat MKS dulu. hehe.. kena fast-forward lah.. i dont know why i keep having this 'senyum simpul' when i think about her (being married). sweeeeeet~ and yes, i seriously would like to hear a first-hand account from her!

orang yang solehah ni, memang Allah jaga, kan? ^_____^


have you heard of a du'a, in which if someone thinks bad of you (for example, he/she thinks you are hot-tempered), may Allah protect you from actually having that character, and if someone thinks good of you (for example, he/she thinks you are very passionate about helping fellow youths), may Allah help you develop that character, but if you already possess that, may Allah keep it inside you and make you an even better person than what you are now? i am sure i've heard of it somewhere, but i dont know what sort of key words to use for me to google it. may be it is from a hadith or something.. hmm.. would very much like to know it, memorise and practise it.

1. few weeks ago, my sister bugged me to check out Maher Zain's songs. after several days of 'nantilah... nanti kakak dengar..', i finally sat down, let Aqila play one song from Youtube, and listened.

I focused on the lyrics, and enjoyed the melody. my reflective mode was almost turned on. but, i restrained myself. hmm... i must say, it was a song to be remembered!

I find Maher Zain's music appealing.. the genre that he adopts suits the ears of many, especially youths and young adults. well, it suits mine. heh.

2. stepped into Darul Andalus at Golden Landmark today. tgh browsing, sekali terjumpa majalah Solusi. Immediately grabbed a copy. haha. excited. first heard about it from kak Khadijah last year. she was sharing with me how hooked she was to that magazine, the different contents, relevant, fresh approach. then, recently i went to kak Huda Khamsani's blog, turns out she likes the magazine very much. hmm.. enough to make me want one. curious!

now it's beside me - isu nombor 17. the theme is 'Membina Keyakinan Diri'. Allah! kena betul dgn situasi kite skrg. ~Allah Maha Mengetahui apa dalam hati ni, apa yang diri ni perlukan~ cant help but feel that i was at the right place, at the right time, and got the right first copy.

inshaAllah, i'll share with you more about this after i finish reading the magazine.

1. i just hopped to a bro's blog, and suddenly it occured to me to click on his first month of blogging. back in 2005.

macam kelakar gitu~ i mean, we, readers, are able to read thru say, 5 years of a person's life just by clicking the archives. March 2005, October 2005, January 2006, June 2006...... September 2009, January 2010. it's like, in two days we can finish reading their past stories. macam buku cerita. padahal, that person took 5 years, updating his or her blog every other day. sometimes funny entries, insightful, sometimes with pictures, sometimes just plain boring. don't you think it's amazing, reading about someone's life in a matter of days? hmm.. macam unfair pon ade jugak.

like i said, macam story book. but, blogs seldom have reviews, kan? so, we dont know where to have a good read. i think the main publicity is word of mouth. e.g. oh, i know this kakak, blog nya best. cara dia tulis creative. so i tell my friends and friends of friends about it. if im lucky, i'd stumble on some 'foreign' blogs that turn out to be awesome! then, i would tell my friends and friends of friends about it. personally, i find it hard to search for The Interesting Blog, y'know? i want to find bloggers yang kat luar negeri.. say, Europe ke, Africa ke.. it'll be nice to know that people out there are living a life just like me. nak tahu jugak kehidupan mereka camne. a local's perspective ah.

having said that, i dont know of any 'overseas' blog. maybe im not searching enough. kawan-kawan, klw korang tahu blog2 yang best, beritahu kite eh? =D

back to reading a person's blog history - as you turn to newer posts, you can see the gradual changes as the person grows up - cara dia tulis, the content or theme of his/her posts, the thinking process that the person goes thru. for example, the bro's blog that i just visited, the early entries banyak nah '... ... ...'. nampak sangat tulis malas2, meleret2, typical of teenagers gitu ah. tapi as he matures, postsnya lebih to-the-point. succinct. more to nasihat untuk diri.
another example, a sister's journey from when she's in secondary school.. undegraduate kat luar negeri.. sampailah dah kerja sekarang, dan dah berumahtangga.

blog ni boleh jadi macam drama series. klw our favourite blogger tak update, gelisah kita dibuatnya. haha.. mungkin perumpamaan ni agak exaggerated lah, but im sure it rings true for some people.

2. i watched The Soloist about a week ago. quite disappointed lah.. ceritanya mendatar. it doesnt really show what's exactly wrong with the character. i mean, what's the main plot, really? is there a major conflict? i did not feel the emotion and inspiration at the end of the movie.

tapi, yang strike a chord in my heart is the state of the poor people. macamane mereka hidup hari2, penampilan mereka, macamane mereka tidur on the streets tanpa segan silu. it's their home. it's the only place they know. ape2 plastik, tilam lusuh yang mereka ada, they make it as a makeshift bed. then, zZZZzz... tak kisah sgt lah klw ada tikus, lipas lalu kat depan.

Anyway, have you seen Patch Adams? Best sangat2 cerita ni. a doctor-in-training who treats patients the unconventional way - lots of humour, laughs and love. with his stubborness, never-give-up attitude. sounds like a typical inspirational movie, kan? but, nah. the plot is good. plus, with Robin Williams in it, pasti mencuit hati. yup yup. inspiring!

pictures from my handphone (part 1)

Ahh, yes, after nearly 5 years, I finally bought a new handphone set.

And apparently, it was not easy. choosing the Right model. haha.. mind you, I have never bought a handphone before. My first handphone was given to me by my brother. a Siemens. small, simple. couldnt save a lot of messages. but it was the one that got me attracted to Silent Night. i cant remember if the ringtone was polyphonic or not, but i like the tune very much. it sounded familiar, and eventually, i managed to recall that it's from the popular Christmas carol.

My second model was Nokia 3100. mum upgraded her handphone. but instead of using the new one, she gave it to me. she herself continued to use her old handphone. *sigh* i always think it was very sweet of her. terharu gitu. mengalah untuk anak. i'm forever grateful.. and this phone has, over the years, become such a precious thing to me. banyak berjasa! i didnt even change the handphone set colour, although there were a few times in that almost-5 years that i thought of buying a purple one at pasar malam. ni kes sayang duit, dan sayang nak tukar ape2 pon ttg handphone nih.

Then, since 2 or 3 years ago, my address book became full. and i needed more storage space for messages. and sometimes, i envy those cameraphones. and THEN, my lovely lovely 3100 started to have bad reception.. asyik kena switch on and off je. the battery life became shorter *sedih sedih.. signs of old age ke?* anyway~ at the beginning of last year, i started to become aware of the current models in the market. maklum je lah, selama ni cukup puas hati dgn apa yang ada. tak heran dgn yang lain. when i got my first pay, lagi lah semangat mencari.

Like i said, it wasn't easy. i was picky about the design (i dont want touchscreen!), and size (i want something small, like my 3100), and brand (i prefer Nokia and Sony Ericsson). i even listed down the functions i want (i was especially adamant about getting a 5-megapixel phone. no, sir, not less than that!) oh, good thing webbies like Nokia have the product filter for you to narrow down your search for the ideal phone. very very helpful!

Dalam banyak2 handphone models kat dunia ni, turns out that i only like 4 -

Sony Ericsson C901 Greenheart
Nokia 6700 Classic
Nokia N79
Nokia E75

C901 and N79 are not sold in singapore (yet?). i like the design of E75.. but since it's 3.2 megapixel, and the physical phone looks a biiiit wide, so, no..

To find the perfect time to buy was another problem. im sure im not the only one with the habit of waiting for The Promotion, The Best Price, and of course, having enough money at the right time. 6700 without a mobile plan is quite Ex. which means, i had to buy one.. oh tidaaakkk! part ni sungguh tak best. why cant i convert pre-paid to post-paid, yet retain the same number??????

The Promotion came in November 2009. Starhub. $0. k, im for it! kena beli mobile plan pun, beli je lah~ BUT, i wanted the student plan (who doesn't want the UNLIMITED SMSes?) haha.. so, i asked my sister's help.

wheee~~ akhirnya..



Nampak sleek and slim gitu kan? ^_^ unfortunately, the first thing that came to mind when i first held it was.. 'alamak, berat uh'. the casing is steel, not plastic like my 3100. haha.. just gotta live with it!

So far, so good. albeit this particular handphone set does not have Calculator. *suprise suprise!* i was bewildered when i couldnt find that function. penting lah.. i need it to count the cells. kadang2 lupa nak bawak calculator from the lab to the cell culture room, so i usually use my handphone. pfftt.

I was mostly excited about being able to bluetooth music files and e-books into my phone! more excited about the latter, really! i've read Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and The Lost Symbol, and J. R. R. Tolkien's LOTR The Return of The King. Of course i dont get the same pleasure as when i hold and read physical books. but okay lah, comfortable enough to keep me occupied during train or bus rides.

Whoopsie! look at the time! i'll continue next time, inshaAllah. with the content that i had initially intended to post. kira, ni macam prologue ah.. or, 'background information'. heh.

Til the next post..! see ya!

music to the ears~

Just got to know that We Are The World has been remade, in aid for the Haiti Earthquake.

The song's been given a very fresh makeover, i must say. *love it!* although i think there's just tad too many artists involved, oh well, it's the music that matters.




There's also a sort of remake of The Earth Song at this year's Grammys. When I heard Michael Jackson's singing.. whooaa.. I cant help but feel strange.. almost chilling.. to think that he's underground right now, yet there was his voice, so strong, so into the music. i wonder if he stirred in his grave..

The Earth Song has been a favourite of mine ever since I heard it when I was a kid.


(i notice two of MJ's nephews look like him! Dont you think so?)


Of course, not forgetting this one --




Say the words, I'll lay 'em down for you
Just call my name, I am your friend
See then why do they keep teaching us
Such hate and cruelty
We should give over and over again

What have I got that I can give
(We should give over and over again)
What have I got that I can give
(Oh my God, oh my God)
See, to love and to teach you
To hold and to need you
What more can I give

am happy for them =)

RAIH DIPLOMA: Cik Faridah (kanan) dan Cik Salbiah antara kohort pertama 24 guru dari enam madrasah sepenuh masa yang menerima diploma dari NIE semalam. -- Foto TAUFIK A. KADER


Mudah cetak
E-mel

14 Jan 2010

SINGAPURA

24 guru madrasah terima diploma pendidikan

Usaha guru Bahasa Arab kembali ke bilik darjah selepas 25 tahun tinggalkan bangku sekolah berbaloi

Oleh
Azahar Mohd
TUNTUTLAH ilmu daripada buaian hingga ke liang lahad.

Dengan semangat kental, keazaman yang tinggi dan hasrat yang kuat untuk menjadi guru yang lebih berkesan, Cik Faridah Ali, guru Bahasa Arab di Madrasah Wak Tanjong, kembali ke bilik darjah walaupun telah meninggalkan bangku sekolah lebih 25 tahun.

Jerih payah dan kerja kerasnya berbaloi.

Cik Faridah, 50 tahun, adalah antara kohort pertama 24 guru daripada enam madrasah sepenuh masa yang menerima Diploma Program Pembelajaran dan Pengajaran daripada Institut Pendidikan Nasional (NIE) dalam satu majlis ringkas di Majlis Ugama Islam Singapura (Muis), Braddell Road, semalam.

Beliau menerima diploma itu daripada Menteri Bertanggungjawab bagi Ehwal Masyarakat Islam, Dr Yaacob Ibrahim.

Turut hadir ialah Presiden Muis, Haji Mohd Alami Musa.

'Diploma ini sememangnya membawa kelegaan yang tidak terhingga selepas saya menempuh pelbagai cubaan dan dugaan, lebih-lebih lagi setelah begitu lama menamatkan pengajian di Universiti Al-Azhar dalam 1982,' ujar ibu seorang anak itu.

Beliau diberi penghormatan memberi ucapan perpisahan dalam majlis tersebut.

Sementara itu dalam ucapannya, Haji Mohd Alami berkata lebih 90 peratus daripada sekitar 270 guru madrasah akan mempunyai kelayakan profesional menjelang akhir tahun ini.

Kesemua guru madrasah dijangka mempunyai kelayakan profesional menjelang tahun depan - memaparkan betapa serius usaha menyuntik profesionalisme dalam sistem pendidikan madrasah di sini.

Sejak 2003, Muis membelanjakan $2.5 juta bagi pelbagai latihan untuk guru madrasah.

Antaranya ialah menghantar empat guru madrasah mengikuti program diploma dalam bidang Kaunseling di Politeknik Nanyang.

Guru madrasah yang muncul sebagai pelajar terbaik dalam program diploma kelolaan NIE itu ialah Cik Salbiah Zainal, 42 tahun, guru Madrasah Alsagoff.

Cik Salbiah, ibu empat anak yang berusia antara lima dengan 12 tahun, berkata antara masalah yang paling mencabar ialah mengimbangi tuntutan keluarga dengan mengetepikan masa untuk mengulang kaji pelajaran.

'Saya berharap kemahiran yang saya timba ini dapat membantu saya mendidik pelajar madrasah supaya mereka setanding atau lebih baik berbanding pelajar di sekolah akademik,' tambah beliau yang juga lulusan Universiti Malaya

I am inspired.


Y'know, these days i wish i have a credit card. Do you guys know about World Food Programme's 1 Billion project? let me say this again - i wish i have a credit card. Visa. Mastercard. whatever.

Even if i have PayPal, i still have to have a credit card, right? pfft. (and i dont think organisations accept PayPal)



Back to the video - inshaAllah! Heads up, liyana! Stay focused, stay determined!

nak share je..

1.

yesterday (i.e. sunday) i went to Joo Chiat to find a book for my cousin. she just got married on saturday. so i thought this particular book would be nice for her. masuk ke Toko Warisan.. setiap shelf tu, aku tengok dari atas ke bawah. mane eh buku tu? nak tanya juru jual, alamak, mcm segan plak kat brother tu. jadi aku pun tanyalah pak cik yang pakai baju merah. 'Oh, awak tanya dia', referring to the brother ah.. (walaupon brother tu nampak agak berumur daripada aku, still segan ahh..) k, takpe. tanya je lah, buat muka selamba.

aku pun bersuara, 'hmm.. ada buku Aku Terima Nikahnya tak? karangan ustaz Hasrizal...'

terus lelaki kat depan aku toleh (masa tu dia tengah belek2 buku). fuh! tetiba aku rase malu! Ya Allah! kenapa orang ni pusing kat aku? pelik nah ke aku tanya tentang buku tu. aku rasa kan, orang tu pernah baca, paling tidak, pernah dengar tentang buku ni.. by the way, aku bukannya cakap kuat2 kat juru jual tu, ok? memang tempat tu dah kecil. aku cakap dengan nada biasa je (tak nak bisik2 kot? nanti orang suspek ape plak..). ish. malunya.

anyway, juru jual tu tanya aku balik, 'buku dari malaysia eh?...' 'ya saya' 'buku baru ke..?' 'eh, dah lama jugak' '...kejap eh..' aku rasa dia gi call kawan kerja ke, boss ke.. kemudian, dia beritahu aku buku tu takda. awww.... terus aku fikir, buku apa aku nak belikan untuk kak siti? (at the same time, conscious lah yang lelaki yang toleh tu masih ada kat spot yang sama. nak gi browse buku2 yang kat shelf dekat dia pun, tak jadi dibuatnya)

akhirnya, aku tak belikan cousinku apa2.. tapi beli buku untuk diri sendiri adalah! hehe.. nak katakan, tempting betul masuk kedai buku ni. kitab2 turath yang sudah diterjemahkan dalam bahasa melayu dah kat depan mata. berbolak-balik hati ni samada nak beli atau tak. kalau nak beli, nak beli yang mana satu. klw tak kitab2 turath pun, kitab2 yang judul dan topiknya menarik perhatian aku, ada a few jugak. hmm.. bukan apa, aku pun terfikir kalau aku boleh tanya kawan2 dan pinjam je dari mereka. hmm.. rupa2nya, aku belum bersedia nak invest dalam kitab2 'ilmiah ni. teringat perbualan 'adilah, ust sakinah dan kak mariam tentang ma'radh kat mesir. seronok betul mereka bila masuk bab book fair nih. hee..

2.

sejurus mesyuarat selesai, bro tu tanya, 'anti belajar kat darul q---- eh?' i immediately went, 'huh? darul q----?' hairan sangat2 kenapa pertanyaan tu boleh muncul tiba2. sebelum tu, dia tanya aku buat apa kat airport tempoh hari. hantar kawan eh?.. 'adilah eh?.. anti dulu alsagoff? (dalam hati, 'duhhhhh -___-"') i dont mean to mock you bro.. ni sekadar expressi je. betul! harap tak tersinggung ye.

berbalik pada pertanyaan tadi -- kemudiannya dia tujukan pertanyaan cepumas. tak payah lah aku sebutkan apa pertanyaan tu. aku pun, 'huh? -------?' .. ' -nama- pernah kata dia belajar kat darul quran'.. aku membenarkan 'oh, ye, -nama- memang belajar kat sana'. k, meh kita pause kat sini.

bagi aku kan, kalau seseorang tu tiba2 tanya sesuatu, kemungkinan dia sudah tahu jawapannya, tapi bukan 100%. mungkin dia tahu dari orang lain, atau baca kat mana2. jadi, pertanyaan tu kira, nak confirmkan samada betul atau tidak apa yang dia dengar/baca. kadang2, dari cara orang tu tanya, kita boleh tahu yang dia ni betul2 tak tahu atau sebaliknya. i mean, dalam senario kat atas ni, dalam banyak2 benda yang boleh ditanya, kenapa soalan ni pulak yang timbul?

i dont think you read my blog, bro, but if you happen to stumble upon this post: afwan ye, saya tulis entry ni bukan bermaksud nak marah kat awak. bukan, bukan! saya cuma nak kongsi kisah pendek ni je, coz i find it somewhat amusing. (and a bit disturbing lah.. camne boleh agak nih?!).

dipendekkan cerita (yang dah sememangnya pendek), perbualan kami terputus. jadi aku 'terselamat' daripada menjawab pertanyaannya. i didnt, and dont, mean to be rude.. tapi aku tak tahu nak jawab apa. berat sungguh mulut ni. tapi pada masa yang sama, aku tidak mahu berbohong. hmmm...

kalau kau rasa kau penat, ada orang lagi penat dari kau, liyana!
kau tengok kak F tu, pengajian uni, apex, masjid, madrasah, tutoring.. dia lagi sibuk, lagi penat dari kau! kau buat apa? setakat seharian kerja kan? tak terlari sana, terlari sini.
kau tgk kawan kau, M, uni nya jauh, aktiviti belianya, madrasahnya, dan kem-kem yang dia rancang dan anjur. meeting sana, meeting sini.. dia lebih sibuk dari kau. meski memenatkan, masanya dihabiskan dengan benda-benda yang bermanfaat! liyana.. sebenarnya, kau punya lebih masa. siang hari, kau kerja, bukannya ada assignment mcm kat sekolah dulu. jadi gunakan masa yang kau ada ni untuk benda-benda yang bermakna. do something good, liyana! sebelum kau memasuki fasa seterusnya. bila kau masuk fasa tu nanti, masa akan jadi lebih sempit. kau tak tahu apa yang akan berlaku. jadi kau ada 'sekarang'. sekarang ni, kau nak buat apa?
aku kagum dengan kawan-kawan, lebih-lebih lagi yang masih belajar, yang luangkan masa dan tenaga untuk aktiviti-aktiviti luar. tapi, aku juga takut untuk mereka. aku risau tentang mereka. aku seperti mahu mengingatkan.. 'kawan, walau apa pun, belajar tu awla kan?'.. satu peringatan yang khasnya buat diri aku sendiri!
aku risau bila aku dengar, aku lihat, kawan-kawanku kepenatan, bercerita denganku tentang pelajarannya.. 'assignment banyak'.. 'argh, belom habis lagik'.. 'test!'.. 'itu.. ini..'.. aku risau tengok mereka risau. sebab aku takut pelajaran mereka terjejas. disebabkan penglibatan mereka dalam banyak aktiviti.
aku tahu, aku tak berhak nak larang mereka. aku tak berniat nak larang mereka. dan rasanya, nasihat 'manage your time well', 'balance k?' dah kerap didengar. tapi tu lah hakikatnya, kita MESTI TAHU bahagikan masa. sekali lagi, satu peringatan buat diriku terlebih dahulu.
aku tak nak sebab aktiviti kita, pelajaran kita sikit demi sikit terabai. aku tak nak ibadah kita terabai. aku tak nak tanggungjawab kita sebagai anak terabai. aku tak nak tanggungjawab kita sebagai ahli kumpulan terabai.
aku risau pisang akan berbuah dua kali bila aku masuk fasa seterusnya nanti. cukuplah aku mengalaminya masa tahun terakhir di politeknik.
i am worried for myself. i am worried for them.

dalam mrt tadi, bila ku dengar keluhannya, aku hanya mampu berdoa dalam hati..
rabbi yassir wa laa tu'assir alaiha..
rabbi yassir wa laa tu'assir alaiha..
daripada perbualanku dengannya (haa.. aku sengaja tanya itu, tanya ini..), aku dapat rasakan yang dia seseorang yang mahu dan suka membuat kebaikan. jadualnya sudah padat. dia nak buat, tapi takut tak mampu. amanah-amanah yang digalasnya sekarang pun, sudah cukup berat.
Mudahkanlah urusannya, ya Rabb, kerana ku yakin, dia punya kelebihan dan juga kesungguhan untuk memberi.


belajar tu awla, kan?

Winning is finishing...

Kite suker dgn lagu Miley Cyrus, The Climb. kite bukanlah peminat lagu2nya dan orangnya. tapi lagu ni lain sikit. lebih bermakna.



videoclip ni dari The Hannah Montana Movie. hehe.. you guessed it, I watched the movie. hah, ni kes tgh boring2 then takde movie best2 yang lain, so picked this one. i dont fancy the movie. pokok ceritanya taklah serious/substantial mana kot. but when it reached the scene above, i found myself concentrating on the song lyrics. relating it and reflecting upon it. yup, it was meaningful! touching too.

afterwards, kite teringat satu quote yang kite pernah cari dulu. bits and pieces. ape lagi, kite pon carilah kat notebook2 lama.. Yes! jumpa jugak akhirnya. di sini, kite nak kongsi dengan korang kata2 Joe Henderson. (tak ingat dari mana kite dapat ayat2 ni.)

Winning is finishing the distance you set for yourself, however humble it might be. Speed is a gift your parents either gave you or couldn't give you. You had little to say about it, so the time you take to run your distance doesn't say much about your spirit. But endurance and persistence are qualities that are largely trained and learned. Finishing is a victory of strong spirit over weak flesh.

dalam lagu The Climb, it's about going up. vertical. quote ni plak, gives me the impression of running. horizontal. (Joe Henderson ni seorang pelari kot?) haha.. ni tak penting lah sgt. apa yang penting, mesejnya sama :) serasi jugak lagu dengan kata2 nasihat ni. iya.. dua2 sebagai satu ucapan perangsang untuk kite. dan awak juga! ^__^

gembira bila dapat baca blog kawan2 dan kenalan2.. rase dah lama terperuk dlm kehidupan sendiri. siang hari, tak ade leisure time nak jenguk banyak2 blog. malam hari, malas benar nak mengadap komputer meskipun sebentar.

hmm.. tapi macam ade perasaan lain gitu bila baca blog mereka.. sedih? terharu? .. atau, rindu untuk bertanya khabar dan bertemu empat mata dgn mereka? atau, terkilan sebab kesibukan (tapi tak lah sibuk sgt pon) menjauhkan diri ni dari kawan2, membataskan kebebasan dan tenaga untuk ke sana ke mari..? atau, cemburu melihat hidup mereka seakan2 lebih seronok dan lebih bermakna?..

hmm.. macam2 benda kite nak cerita, nak luahkan.. tapi.. mm.. cari alasan ke? .. bukan sahaja di blog, emel pon dah liat nak dikarang mahupun dibaca, difahami dan diikuti.

ape nak jadi ye?

kadang2, rase kehidupan ni lamaaaa sgt. belom pon masuk dekad ke-2. tapi terasa yang diri ni dah tua. penat dgn kehidupan. tapi, perasaan sebegini tak lah selalu dlm kepala dan hati kite. alhamdulillah atas ape yang telah diberi. pikir2 balik, aturan Allah ni.. cantik! (sebagai contoh, bila kite teringatkan mase kite pergi interview untuk attachment tahun lepas.) hmm.. kite selalu teringat karakter Fahri membuat life plannya. kita perlu ada matlamat, ye tak? ape yang ingin dilakukan, ape yang ingin dicapai.. yup yup, kite pon ade buat. tak lah complete mana. buat masa ni, cukup untuk memberi motivasi kat diri kite ni untuk lihat ke hadapan. sebab sebenarnya, kita kadang2 tak nak lihat. takut dgn sesuatu yang tak pasti kot.

cakap tentang plan ni, moga dipermudahkan. sebab boleh jadi pendirian kita goyah bila ada sesuatu yang timbul yang berpotensi mengubah hala tuju kita. boleh jadi kita panik sebab tak sure nak stick to the course, atau nak mempertimbangkan sesuatu yang baru tu. boleh jadi ade sesuatu timbul.. dan sesuatu tu adelah benda yang kite naaaakkk sgt, atau rase 'bestnyerrrr'.. tapi, kita tak tahu ianya baik untuk kita atau tak. Rabbi yassir. sebab kita tak tahu cabaran2 ape menanti kita.

tapikan, kite takutlah. kite takut kite tak kotakan ape yang kite dah tulis. mungkir janji kat bukan orang lain, tapi empunya diri! kan zalim namanya tu?

semenjak dua menjak ni, hati tak tenang sangat. fikirkan keadaan sekarang. keadaan masa depan. cube untuk muhasabah.. lebih2 lagi ttg tahap spiritual diri.

kata2 sahabat dlm blognya terngiang2 kat kepala.. lebih kurang begini: 'memilih jalan ini bermakna memilih untuk ditarbiyah'.. kadang2 kite ulang kata2 ni kat diri kite sendiri.. seolah2 nak mencari pengertian. seolah2 nak memujuk hati ni. nak memberi sedikit kekuatan. pertanyaan kat benak ni sama dgn sahabat.. 'bersediakah aku? mampukah?'

ntahlah..

kite masih lagi mencari.

while in the train home just now, i was looking at my bag and realised that...

that...




my RR'07 pin badge was missing!!!

sedih?


sedih uh.. kenangan whoooaa...

mase kat meeting tadi, ade. so must have dropped some time between the end of the meeting and the train station platform.

hmmm... takpe lah.

(rasenyer, nak replace dgn badge ape eh? haiz~)

yang penting, pengalaman dan pengajaran dari RR'07 tu tersemat dalam ingatan.


--------------


mase kak aisyah sebut ttg seseorang yang dia lihat 'good.. saw him in action'.. tetiba teringat ttg facilitation. tak pasti lah kalau kak aisyah tgh refer to facilitation or something else.. tapi,

tu ah..

i suddenly miss facilitating. facilitating a group.

skill yang memang tak seberape nih, dah semakin berkarat. hmmm... tak nak skill ni jadi rapuh langsung hilang, sebab facilitation skill memang berguna dlm macam2 situasi. tapi camne ye? jadual padat. mane nak cari peluang2 untuk asah my facilitation skill?

hmmm.. k, takpe.