I watched a 19-minute video about "the real situation in Gaza". Saw it earlier today in FB News Feed; a friend 'liked' the vid. So I was curious.

The video showed scenes from Dec 08 - Jan 09 (I believe, coz that was the caption in the video). And.. well, I am feeling sick in my stomach right now. Not because of some dead bodies and blood. But because of the CHAOS, DESTRUCTION, CRUELTY, DESPAIR, and FEAR that the Palestinian people live with everyday.

I just can't grasp it. It's like, I am in a different universe. Yet I know damn well that I am just a vast ocean away. Same planet. I can't bear thinking about what's happening over there... Allah... help us all!

Seeing clips of a jet 'sending' a bomb down to a building.. whoa.. so fast! Zup! And then, BOM! Smoke and fire.. One is not safe. One doesn't know where it will hit next. Or when. A lot of uncertainties..

I wonder.. how are Palestinian girls my age going about their lives? What are they doing now? What are they thinking and feeling?

I know in my heart that the innocents will prevail, I know who will win in the end (for it has been promised), but the long and hard struggle.. is really really painful (even for someone like me, being so far away) that sometimes, one needs reminders.. encouragements.. to endure and continue living.



 

Whoa! I didn't post anything at all in October! Kinda surprising, even to myself, coz there were a few things that happened before or in that month worth sharing..

Hah! Okayy.. I know, the truth is.. I'd kept putting myself off from posting thoughts and pictures. Lately I've not been using my mobile blogging app. One, I've been delaying to put captions on my Egypt trip pictures. A whole bunch of them! Gosh! Kinda crazy, the amount of pictures, plus video time, I captured and collected. And I want to be able to finish uploading and captioning them before sharing with y'all. But as time passes, my memories of the info and whatever detail are fading.. yikes!

And, there was the Legoland day trip I went with my uncles, aunts and cousins.

Plus, the archery course.

Kak Rohaya's wedding~~

And.. of course, Eidul adha =)

There's also... my dwindling motivation at work. I've been feeling edgy, anxious, and sometimes 'dreading', for quite some time now. This is not good. Not good at all.



 

"Mak.. Liyana nak sign up archery course, boleh?"

"..Tak payah lah.."

*buat muka tak percaya* "haa..?" (Intonasi bukan marah atau whining tau. More like terkejut+sedih jap. Faham ke?)

"Sekali-sekala mak cakap tak boleh.."

*terus dapat akal* "Tapi baitul maqdis mak dah cakap tak boleh.."

"Hmm.." *senyap sekejap*

"So.. boleh Liyana masuk archery course?"

"Boleh lah.."

"Terima kasih, mak!" *beaming, tapi tetap dapat rasa mak tak 100% setuju*

"Lepas belajar archery, Liyana belajar driving pulak." *cuba sedapkan hati by sharing with mak plan kite*

Kite do'a Allah lembutkan hati mak kite.. semoga mak faham kenapa kite nak belajar archery. (Tapi, kenapa mak kata tak payah in the first place, eh? Musykil tiba2. Mana lah tahu, ada sebab yang rational)

One thing i miss about ayah is.. his support. Mak dan ayah support. Tapi, ayah lebih in the forefront. Sungguh, kite sangat2 appreciate ayah kite izinkan kite gi situ, gi sini, buat tu, buat ni.. (mmg kadangkala mak dan ayah kasi red light, which i accepted.) Klw tak, rasanya kite tak jadi kite yang sekarang ni. Yang berkarakter sebegini, yang berfikiran sebegini, yang berpengalaman sebegini. (Note: maksud 'berpengalaman' di sini bukan 'ada banyak pengalaman' tau. What im saying is, i have the experiences that i have mostly because of what my parents allowed me to undergo, and be exposed to.) Mak agak 'reserved' dan hesitant sikit.. jadi bila ayah dah takde ni.. susah sikit lah. Hee.. susah sikiiit je. Kite nak kena convince lebih and be more selective of things (ie if there are 2 things i want to do/go for, i'd ask her permission for 1 only, or ask for 1 first then the second a few days after).

Apa pun, kite sedar bahawa di mana redha mak ayah, di situ lah redha Allah. Jadi kite pun do'a jugak agar Allah lembutkan hati kite dan buatkan kite sentiasa bersedia untuk menerima, bilamana mak tak izinkan sesuatu. Semuanya khair, inshaAllah.

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Where shall my next destination be...? Kashgar first, or Canada..? Or Russia?

Something to look forward to in my life..

 

Spotted at kak Halimah Latiff's FB timeline:

لو صدق المريد لوجد الشيوخ على الأبواب

Makna:Kalau seorang murid itu jujur niatnya (dalam menuntut ilmu),Dia akan dapati para syuyukh di pintu2 (iaitu mudah mencari).

kite rasa macam ada rasa rindu lah.. kenapa eh? kite tak pasti, samada 'rindu' ni rindu kat Mesir.. atau rindu kat akhawat di sana.. atau rindu nak bersama2 orang2 yang menuntut ilmu.. atau mungkin, satu keinginan sedang tumbuh sikit demi sedikit; keinginan untuk berada lebih lama di sana.. untuk belajar? untuk bermusafir?.. atau mungkin sebenarnya ada rasa ingin keluar bebas dari Singapura sedang mendidih?

semacam rindu gitu.. hmm.. kenapa eh? pelik.

i was meant to be there, and then here!

On Monday evening, 17 Sep, i made my way to Darul Arqam to attend the Stories of Prophets class. The day before, Marliyana shared that on last Monday (ie 10 Sep) the topic was Nabi Musa & Khidir. Couldn't help thinking, what a coincidence! The subject was about Nabi Musa, n there i was, rigghhtt.. in Sinai, a significant land in his story, on the same day (10 Sep) but different timezone. I also thought that particular session would've been particularly useful to me, coz believe it or not, during the time i was there, i was somewhat regretful that i came without having refreshed myself with Nabi Musa's history. 

And guess what?

When i saw the topic that was flashed on the screen, on the night i came to this class for the first time.. this past Monday, Allaaahh.. I felt like exclaiming out loud: this was indeed Fate! The speaker was going to share about Nabi Musa & Bani Israil: their life in Sinai! you know that warm fuzzy feeling? yeah, I was full of it during the class. Allah moved my heart to attend that session just as He had stirred a desire in my heart several months ago; a desire to go to Egypt. There must be something that Allah wants to tell me.. :')

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At 4.03am Cairo time, 11 September 2012

I've conquered Mount Sinai. Alhamdulillah thummalhamdulillah..!

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Mudah-mudahan sampai!

I just spent a little over one hour typing a (rather simple & straightforward) email in arabic.
-__________________-"
Sabar je eh with the formatting.
Done and sent.
May everything go smoothly and we get to attend the majlis 'ilm.

abrupt end

My ramadhan ended a few minutes ago. Quite unexpected. I had been looking forward to spending the last night at Ghufran (despite not being confirmed yet coz havent got green light frm mum). To my last small effort to make this month a bit more meaningful, not simply mediocre as it already is. Now im experiencing some sort of numbness.. midway btwn sadness and regret. There's this hollow feeling in my heart. Allah.. :'(

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tarawih jama'atan at mjd mukminin

It's the 28th night. This picture was taken after 8 rakaat. It felt nice to be back here, for both iftar and tarawih. I only remember the last time i did so was during my attachment days. I gotta check my past organisers. Maybe i had actually come here in Ramadhan 2009, 2010 and/or 2011. Ramadhan kareem.. Ramadhan kareem.. *ahhh.. it's nearing the end*

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tarawih at masjid ba'alwie on the 25th night

I had been here only once: the day kak hidayati got married. That was 4 years ago. Wah.. lama tu.

Made our way to Farrer Road mrt stn after work, then took 186 bus to Dunearn Road.. 5 stops away. We met a makcik in the bus. She walked with us to the mosque. She's a regular here. Peramah :) she has a daughter who's reading Sociology in UIA. Her daughter's name is Shahidah and was frm RP. I thought she's é Shahidah RP whom i got to know frm D-Talk and worked part-time at Darul Arqam's bookshop before. But, nope, different person.

So, anyway, we're waiting for Isya' now. May tonight be a better night for me than the past two..

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almost a year ago i did my tarawih here..

..whenever there's a long break.

Today, after a long long time, im about to perform tarawih at this mosque once again.

On a side note: i always thought one of é bilal sound exactly like é one at mjd kg siglap.. back when i prayed there before or after thfz class. Perhaps they are one and the same pakcik.

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2nd tarawih jama'atan

8.27pm:

At Kg Holland Mosque. It's almost isya'.

I imagine this person behind the sliding door an old man. An Atuk.. teringat sekejap kat ayah. Dulu ayah pun solat duduk atas kerusi. Technically, this person is beside me. Separated only by the door.

Oh.. é muazzin is calling to prayer now. :)

10.06pm:

We prayed 8 raka'at. Followed by 3 raka'at of witr. Then an emcee invite é guest imam from Egypt - he led é isya' prayer - to recite from the Qur'an.

It was surah ar-Rahman. And i must say, subhanallah.. subhanallah.. subhanallah..! Such beautiful melody came out of his mouth. The tarannum, the tajwid, the tartil.. and when he led the closing du'a, i wept.. Allah.. dah lama tak nangis. Dah lama tak dengar do'a yang sebegitu. Dah lama.. dah lama :'|

Alhamdulillah for tonight. Tomorrow will be another day.. of work, earthly challenges, tasks and worries.. i'm feeling anxious that i will be pulled back in that whirlpool. May tomorrow be a good day for me, physically and spiritually.

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first tarawih jama'atan this Ramadhan

Broke fast at Darussalam Mosque. Waiting for isya' now.

Alhamdulillah for this opportunity.

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I just spotted a fellow Muslim reciting frm the Quran in the train. Right behind me. First spotting for this Ramadhan :)

Sukanya hati ni~

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"I'll do my isya' later, after sahur."

How can you be so sure that you'll wake up the next morning?

I was taken aback. It became clear to me that she's suffering from an illness so familiar.

:(

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The cashier at DC shop greeted me with 'Assalamu'alaikum' just now. I was surprised taken aback! You see, as i was queuing, i noticed that é cashier on duty was a Malay guy with goatee. I immediately made a mental check note not to look at him when i reached the counter.

So there i was, lightly pushing my 4 paper bags of Red Bean Bun to the cashier counter. I was looking somewhere else when that brother said his Salam. Wa'alaikumussalam, i answered, giving him a small, awkward smile.

The first thing that crossed my mind was, 'okayyy..'. Not wanting to have su'uzzhon. Maybe he gives Salam to every customer who he sees/thinks is a Muslim.

And then a new thought popped,'wow..wouldnt that be a gracious, courteous thing to do: giving salam to every Muslim customer he encounters? He would be fulfilling sunnah, easily, many times everyday!'

So, yeah, i hope and pray that this person, whoever he is, continue this good act. And may he do well in his job.

:)

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1 item off my wishlist!

A second purchase frm amazon.com. ^_^

I am really grateful to my colleague who consented to using his address and then brought it back to Sg.

And the one-month wait.. it was worth it!

p.s. I also bought my first very own portable USB speaker together with those shoes. That makes 2 items off the List.

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