I need to go to a place where I will be humbled to the ground. Where I can wash away this disease, where I will be taught and guided to purify my heart.

Ya Allah... where?

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Been keeping this for 5 years. A Mosaic assignment frm Arts Appreciation module (a cross-disciplinary subject). I got 14.5 marks out of 20. Okayy lah.. i knew my artpiece was mediocre pun.

Finally, i reached a point of 'i-dont-care-anymore' to throw it away. This and a bunch of old magazines, brochures, books, papers.

Liyana suka eh simpan2!

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I have butterflies in my stomach yet again. Been smiling to myself silly for the past 1 hour.

I need to focus on my work lah, liyana..! Can you shut your thoughts til 6pm? Better yet, til the end of Ramadhan..??

Seriously, this is the biggest mujahadah yet. The ultimate Ramadhan Challenge. Ya Allah.. please help me contain my thoughts and feelings, and redirect my focus back to You, to what's now, to reality, to improving my own self.

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I woke up this morning, groggy.

It's the 2nd time this month; that i couldn't sleep. Prolly 2 hours of light sleep? Or 3?

Still feeling shocked. Not 'surprised', but 'thrown off your wheels' kind of shock.

Hmm... mcm nak ambil cuti je.

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I dreamt that Aszafirah and Kamaliah got married on the same day. Cant remember if the dream was last night's or 2 nights ago.

Cute lah! I dunno why i suddenly dreamt of them. And i dunno whether i should share this happy dream with them.. i dont even know if either of them is getting engaged, is engaged or is getting married.

Rindu kat diorang kot? ^_^

Let's see how the future unfolds!

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jalan raya yang sibuk

Masa tgh berbual dgn Aiman tadi, 2.15ptg waktu Kahirah, dia dan kawan2nya tgh ada study group. Lagi 7 kertas peperiksaan, katanya.

Teringat tahun lepas, bila mereka2 ni baru nak ke sana.. pergi workshop2 pra-keberangkatan..masih bersiap2.. :) Semoga Allah terangkan hati mereka.. semoga mereka ikhlas dalam belajar.. hati2 dlm beradab dan berakhlak.. sebab kat sana, Allah beri kat siapa yg deserving je, dan Dia uji siapa yg Dia kehendaki.

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One of my favourite bookmarks! And i just love love LOVE the words.. *happy sigh*

i'm glad i bought it, many years ago.

About 2 weeks back, i finished reading Have A Little Faith (by Mitch Albom). Such a wonderful book! The old rabbi's outlook of life, especially. He was traditional, wise and open. He UNDERSTOOD. Never mind that he came from a different religion. I think that, men of God, regardless of beliefs, if they are really sincere in learning and trying to understand and live the core of God's message, the virtues would eventually manifest in them.. and we find inspiration in their character, speech and thoughts.

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even smaller world

The new NI president is the younger brother of my schoolmate in Alsagoff. I forgot whether we had been in a same form class before.

That's twice already. The first was the ex-president (2006?) is the cousin of my junior.

In a way, i'm glad.. Allah's showing me that He has been putting me in the right places, where i was supposed to be.. Alsagoff, Temasek Poly, NI..

Im just wondering.. where will I be put next.

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Mute?

It's like I've forgotten how to carry a conversation. Or start one.

This past week, I did a series of tests with my co-worker. It's been a long time since we did an assignment together. We have our own individual work domain and usually attachment students would do the QC tests. Currently we don't have any students, so she and I have to help out. Not long after we started the first test, I became aware of the silence. I realised I had nothing to share with her about. I used to have. Oh, we did talk a bit about trivial matters (to me, lah).. but that was it, I guess.

And today, I had usrah session with 3 friends. One of them, I had been wanting to meet and catch up for like.. 2 months? But when she was beside me, I noticed, again, that I didn't have anything to say to her. It bothered me quite a bit. I mean, I didn't want her to think I was ignoring her. One (big) part of me didn't feel like speaking at all (read: lazy, 'heavy tongue'), while another was urging to find a topic, a question, something substantial to share with/ask her. Then, I just thought to myself, "you know what, just stop trying. Simply enjoy her company. That'll do." After that, I was more calm.

I am beginning to think if this is the result of me working alone most of the time. Like I mentioned just now, my colleagues and I, we have our own set of tasks, and usually one is at building A, another at building B and the other at another area altogether. Even if we're in the same lab, we would be doing different things, so talk time is minimal there. I find myself keeping silent when we're not discussing about work. Like, I am not interested to ask you something or tell you what I did last night. But, if you ask me something, or tell me something, I'll respond enthusiastically and join in the casual conversation.

Plus, I don't get involved in social projects, unlike when I was younger. In classes that I attend, I usually just smile at my neighbour. If it's someone that I already know, I would chat her up, of course.. but it always stops short. Hmmm...

People say I am friendly. Truthfully, it takes effort. These days, takes even more effort. I ran out of ideas and content pretty fast.

I can feel my communication skills deteriorating. Either my thoughts are swirling endlessly in my mind, or it's empty. I need to talk more, open up more.

Having said all of the above, I want you to know this: if I am silent around you, it doesn't mean there's something about you that is irritating me or I want to ignore you. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with my silence, I just can't help it sometimes. Please know that I appreciate your presence.

Saw cute (yet elegant) little boxes...

... of dates at Mustafa Centre last night. "Ajwa with nuts and cardamom". From Al Alwani Dates.

Couldn't pass it up! So I bought a small packet (6 inside, all wrapped together in a transparent-with-flower-motifs plastic). Costs $5.50. Makes a nice, simple gift if you're looking for one. There's a bigger, 'official' packaging too.. I think the price is $20-plus. Expensive, I knoww!

As for the taste.. well, if you don't mind spice + sweetness, it's alright =)

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This day, I have completed my collection of Harry Potter books. *lalalalala~~~~*

It was totally unexpected! Passed by Lot1 shopping centre, and as I went inside, I saw a small book sale. "Oh, goodie!", I smiled to myself, thinking of just browsing.. and voila! Immediately my eyes caught the familiar book covers! I had wanted to buy these last 2 books for a few years already. BUT but, picky me wanted the original cover designs. Couldnt find any in Popular bookstore nor Amazon. It's like, it no longer exists. Huhu.. disheartening, can?! So, when i saw the 2 gems, I simply couldnt resist. *warghhh*

$9.90 for The Half-Blood Prince, $19.90 for The Deathly Hallows. Both are hardcover. I wonder what's the usual price..

The 7th book with adult (first) cover design was also available. $4 cheaper. Was contemplating with edition to take.. alas, i chose the kids cover so that my whole collection matches!

These books are for me to re-read in years to come, and my kids.. and grandkids. Coz i want to share with em one of my favourite things :)

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Arranging the post-it notes in alphabetical order..

.. helps me see the recurring messages and themes.

And, i categorised them into 2 groups: 'comments/praises abt the speaker or seminar' and 'lessons/takeaways'. Below is the 'comments/praises' group:

Positive! Alhamdulillah..

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Semoga...

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"What you seek, is seeking you" - Rumi

I had already thought of a holiday destination for this year. Borrowed a travel guide book about 3 weeks ago. Unfortunately, it's still lying beside my bed waiting to be read thoroughly (I've flipped thru a couple of times). This is a sign that I am somewhat not very excited about it. Excited, but not VERY excited. Not yet, I convince myself.

Then, earlier today, I saw an ad that ignites that intense feeling of 'want' again.. that desire which had spurred me to Egypt last year.

The caption accompanying the ad posted on FB is just.. apt. I made it the title of this short post.

Will patiently wait for more information to be released. This time, it won't be simply planning and packing my bag. Coz this time, there'll be an application. I wonder if they accept students from Asia.

And since I just came back from the Productive Muslim Seminar, in which bro Faris talked about istikharah prayer - among other things, this is a choice I have made and I will do my istikharah.. inshaAllah =) If The Rihla is good for me, Allah will make it easy for me. If it is not for now, He will make it far from me, and me from it.

Mula2 tu, rajin lah.. subhanallah, bila tengok kertas ni:


Tapi lama-kelamaan, jadi kurang muraja'ahnya.. huhu..

April


Mei


Jun

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Found cue cards frm Piala BH debate! Haha! I recognise Afeyah's handwriting, and mine. There are 2 others, i think, that i dunno belong to whom. Kak Azlita? Kak Shahida? Why do i have a feeling kak Sayyidah Nafisah was also part of it? The scribbles on those cue cards look like they were 'celahan/bantahan'. Some things abt cloning and biomedical industry. ;D look where i've ended up!

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Oh, apparently i completed the A-Math sec 3 tuition programme. I remember enrolling coz early in sec 3, i thought of giving O Level A-Math a shot. My enthusiasm dwindled as months went by. I forgot how long i stuck with it. So yeay! Good to know i endured til the end. I missed a few sessions, though, im sure. Haha! Now, i dont remember a single thing abt A-Math!

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Clearing away old papers. Was trying to recall how come i have these documents:

Then i remember that i was some sort like an 'understudy' in VMD. Volunteer Management Division. Why understudy? I think it was because i chose to observe first, whether what VMD was doing aligned with my own interest, before deciding to join them or PMD. Unfortunately, i dont remember what happened after my short stint in VMD. I know i didnt join, but i dont know why, and i dont recall where i'd gone to next.

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the long piece of 'sharing' written in 2009

 

The editor (Sir Kamar, maybe?) managed to squeezed it to one page!

Finally got to see the final product in the school's Celebrating 100th Year magazine. It was distributed during the Maulid function held at Expo last year. I heard from an ex-classmate that people had to purchase it, though. So I am still not sure if it was given to guests for free or not. Anyway, I didn't attend the event, but prior to it, Sir Kamar emailed some of us that cikgu Katijah already reserved a copy for each. (I think contributors to the magazine got it FOC. ^_^). When I met her, cikgu commented that my piece had good content, BUT it was long-winded, beating about the bush. They had trouble trying to cut it short! Yikes, I thought then, typical me.

 

Love, love, love the phrase at the bottom! Somehow, the Arabic version of "Our Heritage, Our Pride" rings nicer on my lips and heart.

A few seniors also contributed. One of them was... =)

The fact was, yeah, I didn't remember about my 'sharing' til I flipped thru the pages of the magazine and saw my name. And this was what I felt:

It seems like many years ago. Almost a dream. Yet, the words were true when I penned them.. I like to think I have not failed, just lost track since the beginning of 2010. So this piece somewhat serves as a motivation.. reminding me of what I thought, felt, believed and hoped at that point of time. Those life lessons that I had forgotten, I thank God for having written them down in an attempt to share with my juniors the little things I had come to know about life beyond our school walls. I seldom articulate my thought processes, I seldom journal personal events that happened, so, many are buried deep or disappeared. Therefore I am glad I have this chunk of memory, paragraph-by-paragraph, to re-visit every now and then.

On that note, I would like to share this write-up with you, version un-cut (and has grammatical errors! boo-hoo). Click on the link below.

Of Hard Knocks, Blessings And Growing Up :: A Sharing ::
https://www.dropbox.com/s/qlqa1gsczxhsb6v/Article%20for%20Alsagoff%20-%20v.%20uncut.doc

My only request is, if along the road in the years to come, I get lost again or feel down or at crossroads, remind me about these lessons, will you?

hadiah kecil..

..dari si dia yang baru pulang dari bumi kinanah. Terima kasih, sahabat!

As they say, it's the thought that counts. But get this: i bought 2 small bottles of fragrance, from that same shop, as a souvenir for a friend, back in Sept. Whenever i remembered abt it, i had a whisk of a thought.. wouldn't it be lovely too if someone give me this as a present?

So it is a surprise indeed, that more than 3 months later, i have one of these small signature golden-lettered bottles for myself.

Sweetness. :)

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