im still shaking. terribly.

you know the feeling, "dicengkam rasa takut dan bimbang yang amat sangat"?

yes, that's what im experiencing now.

im just soo afraid of the near future, what it may bring. i think, only after 5 years from today, then i can breathe easily.

i've tried what i can. in this short time. my fault. coz i had more than a week.

i've never felt so trapped..

aku tak mahu berbohong. aku tidak mahu menipu.

Ya Allah.. ampunilah aku.

i cant go back now.

pasrah.

Ya Allah.. permudahkanlah.. Engkau Maha Mengetahui apa yang aku telah lakukan dan alami.

this heart feels heavy. i know that if He wills, what comes around will come around..

*taking deep breaths*

i've tried.. but this deep guilt screams that i've not done enough.

my whole body is in a very very tense mode.

*macam nak nangis*