any schools in mind??

i have an announcement to make:

i've been accepted to TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC, in BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE DIPLOMA COURSE!

before you think that im rolling off my chair, jumping up and down, all-excited, well, let me tell you this: YOU ARE WRONG.

from the day i heard the machine-operated voice (from MOE hotline) telling me where im posted to until now, im still not looking forward to start my life as a biomed sci dip student. BUT, im sure getting excited thinking about all the CCAs and activities that i can join in TP!

you see, my whole 10 years in alsagoff never involved any CCAs. well, excluding dozens of competitions that i had participated lah..and the short stint as a member of the so-called art-and-craft club..! the school had tried to start a few CCAs and maintain them, but it just didnt work: limited time, limited people with real talents and enthusiasm!

so, the fact that a polytechnic life will give me loads of chances to try new stuffs is what is keeping me happy and contented.

yeah...i guess im trying to make myself happy - distracted - by thinking about CCAs... and not thinking about the subjects that im going to learn for the next 3 years and about the bi'ah and ikhtilat...

oh! let me tell you what i had actually picked and put in the JAE form: (choice of courses)

1. biomedical science (SP)
2. biomedical science (NP)
3. biomedical science (TP)
4. molecular biotechnology (NYP)
5. chemical and pharmaceutical technology (NYP)
6. bioelectronics (SP)
7. business administration (SP)
8. business studies (NP)
9. applied food science and nutrition (TP)
10. accountancy (SP)
11. accounting and finance (TP)
12. tampines junior college (science)

hmmm...as i looked at this list again, i kinda realised that i would be happier and satisfied if i had got into any of the 4th-12th choices... the first three was, i had to admit, for the sake of my parents. they want me to take biomed sci, they want me to be a doctor, or a scientist, "doktor hafizah"... while the 4th to the 11th choices, i chose them for my own self. i would even like to try business or accountancy.. they really sound and look interesting you know! something different from the science field. as for the 12th choice, TPJC...haha! it was nothing serious. it's not as if i really want to go to JC.. perhaps, of course, if there were a 'tutup aurat' JC, i would be vying for a spot! =p

hmmm...but if i were to go to a JC, i'd like to take the arts stream. unsuprisingly, my dad would want, or using a better word - "suruh", me to take the science stream...alahai~~~ it's just that economics, history and geography seem more attractive than triple science! and i surely dont want to memorize all the weird terms and names, plus the long and complicated facts! but, shh! im not going to tell that to my dad!

b.i.o.m.e.d.i.c.a.l. s.c.i.e.n.c.e. >> mmMmMmmm... bukanlah me tak nak langsung, atau tak minat langsung nk belajar dlm course tu... in fact, me dah siang2 pilih biomed sci in poly... maksud 'siang2' tu time menengah 3/4.. yelah, masa tu kononnya, suka sangat nk belajar science. nak jadi scientist, nk buat research, nk buat a 'breakthrough in the science world'...HAH! as if! tapi, lately (since late 2005).. i began to have doubts, second-thoughts about my all-this-time-good impression of the biomedical science field.. i began to question my real interest, which i think i have none.

and then again, maybe i wasnt excited about going to TP at first because i failed to get into SP or NP... TP sounds foreign to me. i havent been to its ground. i just didnt expect i will go there. not to worry though, the disappointment is wearing off. i dont care now.

my teachers expect me to pursue my studies in the religious field. i bet my relatives do too. because i would shine and do well in that area. because im a pearl too precious to be taken to the other sea (haha..im exaggerating now! jgn layan!)... well, simply said, i'll feel safer there.

so, im caught in the middle: nak sambung ukhrawi dulu ke duniawi? nak ikut cakap ayah ke cakap guru? diri sendiri plak mcmane?

solat istikharah? dah buat....tapi, tiba2 me terfikir: solat aku diterima ke????? entah2 solat aku tk ok, sebab tu smpi skrg masih blur2 lagi! haiz~~ atau mungkin aku sengaja buat2 tk tau, sedangkan sebenarnya Allah dah tunjukkan jalannya?!

jadi apakah jalan seterusnya? ke manakah harus aku melangkah?

thinking back, i dont want to go to KUIS, coz i worry that my friends will be overshadowed by me. i dont want to go to wak tanjong either, because of that same reason. maarif... well, klw masuk maarif, nanti options jurusan kt univesity terbata, unless i take extra subjects, which means sacrifices on time and money.

so, in polytechnic, i will be by myself. alone. for the first time in ten years. hazimah kt republic poly. walaupun kita berdua sahaja yg masuk poly, masing2 akan meniti kehidupan sendiri2... bukannya sama sekolah! i will start a new life there, i guess. make new impressions, make new friends, meet new people, face new challenges, face a new environment... i hope i can survive this and emerge victorious and successful at the of the day. we'll see...in 3-years' time.

of course, maybe i will regret the lack of knowledge in the religious field, thinking of what i would have gained and achieved if i had gone to KUIS...

sebenarnya, me nk belajar al-quran dan sunnah. pilihan kedua ialah dakwah, dan yg ketiga: tahfiz wal qiraat. klw ada double diploma lagi bagus. boleh me ambil perbankan islam, pengurusan perniagaan atau ekonomi kt KUIS.

oh! back to solat istikharah... selain solat istikharah, mmglah me ada berdoa... الدعاء سلاح المؤمن ... dan hati me dah terbukak nk terima polytechnic, ayah pon dah terbukak hati (klw tidak, ayah tk plan for me to go to polytechnic)....me pon asyik terfikir2 pasal polytechnic, walaupun kadang2 tu terfikir pasal KUIS plak....dari ini semua, me yakin polytechnic adalah pilihan Allah buat me..... klw poly bukan jawapannya, masakan me akan terfikir2 pasal poly, hati me lebih condong pada poly??? but i still pray, and pray, and pray..that im not making the wrong move. that i wont regret my decision later.


ok, as im writing this......... im sealing my final decision: im going to go for polytechnic.



"Ya Allah~ kuatkanlah diriku. jika ini jawapannya, maka tetapkanlah hatiku, jauhkanlah aku dari rasa ragu2, agar aku tidak berubah hati, agar pendirianku tidak goyah dgn kata2 orang lain. tetapi jika ini bukan jawapannya, tunjukkanlah aku jawapan yang sebenar dgn segera, ya Allah... kerana masa semakin singkat...aku takut, aku takut aku akan menyesal dan rugi kelak.... maka pimpinlah aku, ya Allah......."