was checking my blog to see if there's anymore 'heated' tags.

then, clicked on the 'June 2007' history.

A Different Light.

all these lead to me reflecting, why is my motivation the want, the need, to get in the TOP 10% of the cohort? why is my motivation to be on the same parr as the malay girl, who has the same name as me, who is in the top 10 students for 1st year? why..?

and why isnt my motivation based on the desire to please God? why do i feel a bit estranged from the fact that Allah is always there for me? why do i not trust and put all my hopes and prayers in Him?

why everytime i face failure, or even sense failure, i quickly become discouraged? why cant i be stronger, realising that Allah has me in His hands?

why am i so afraid that i wont reach my goal of getting the A's? is it super important that it blinds me from the pure intention of seeking knowledge?

think, my dear self,
think of your primary intention.
the others will come later.
once you set your innermost intention,
sure about it, work within it,
then you dont have to worry.

feel like crying..
No! dont cry k.
You cant!

kerana Pejuang tak boleh menangis!