menghairankan

at 12.44pm, last wednesday, I got an sms -


Assalam n Gd afternn!

:-)

im gg 2 sch(TP lah)
meet up 4-e ice kacang?
If segan,
Dun worry,i will tell u if there wont b anyone joining us k

What Time Sch ends?


pikir nak reply. but no, i didnt.


from that hour onwards, i was quite anxious, takut tgh jalan, tetiba ade orang approach ke.. "you're liyana, right?" mak kau~ if that happens, nak lari seh. anyway, i was still cool ah. i mean, chances are low lah kan. TP ni besar. ice kacang tu kat mensa canteen. and i wasnt anywhere near mensa.

okay okay.. meh, kite backtrack jap.


months ago.. while i was on SIP -

one day, i got an sms from someone.. asking me for my username and password coz this someone wanted to use the school PC.

kite mati-mati pikir that someone was my first-year junior. paham2 jelah, i cannot save anymore phone numbers in my handphone.

so, i gave the info and added something like, "waahh~ dah lama sey tak jumpa.. hope you are doing well in your studies.. and health.." basically, kitenye reply punye lah mesra. and betul lah, dah lama tak dgr khabar.

then, i got a reply -

Ur really swt u knw..
Thx 4 e well wishes n also sry 4 e late re.=batt flat
Hmm.. U too.. May u be at best of health always n also in studies, InshaAllah:-)

okay, and so i tot, "alahai~ baiknya adik ni" smiling to myself.

the next day -

Smiles..
Im gg to sch.. but will be gone at ard 330, so U 1-2 hav ice kacang @ mensa on me
Text me
I aint rich so only ice kacang.
:-) take care.
Assalam.

i replied something like, "..aint rich? =p.. im having my SIP.. in the west of singapore.. i can only have ice kacang with you when im back in november.."

oh man.. when i think back about how my sms sounded.. kasi shivers sey.. not that it was wrong. it was what happened next that stopped me in my tracks BIG TIME..

this 'junior' replied -

Nov?!
Wow, ur teachg me to Sabar..
Hmmm.. Wait, hold up!
I aint a sis ok!
Hehe.
U got e wrong person..
Im a bro.:-)
Did I go 4 a sex change?
NOPE!

OH. MY. GOD. i was ---------------- speechless!
and immediately, i was embarrassed. to think that i might have given an impression to this 'bro'; impression of ape? ntahlah... korang paham tak? tak paham takpe~
tapi pokoknyer.. i was super paiseh.. tak boleh angkat sey..

malu kat dia
malu kat diri sendiri
malu kat Dia..

Ya Allah!

terus rasa berdosa..
teringat balik kata2 mesra yang me tulis kat sms.
it was meant for a sister lah......!
*tutup muka dgn tudung*

anyway, i didnt reply the sms. -in state of shock-

two days later, on 7.8.2008 17.55hrs -

Hmmm..
Ur awfully quiet after e last msg I sent.
:-)
Take care.
Assalam.


i took a loOng time to compose a proper reply. and so, i sent him a looooonnnggg explanation. about who i had thought he was. how shocked, embarrassed and angry i was. how i shouldnt have replied in a 'very casual' way.. how improper i thought my use of language was, in my communication with a rajul. shocked coz i got the wrong person. embarrassed myself in front of myself, and Him (i cant remember if i added 'him' too). angry coz i had potrayed myself as a muslimah who tak jaga cara perbualannya dgn lelaki..

k k.. i know by now korang mesti kata, "relaks ah, liyana, kau tak tahu pe.."

tapikan.. ni mcm reflex ah.. seriously. rasa mcm hati ni kotor gitu.

then, the next day or few days later, the bro sent a long sms using sms.ac. heh. i didnt save it. cant remember exactly what he said.. some of it: "....relax.. no need to be embarrassed lah.. coz you dont know.. casual.. salah?.. i also communicate like that with my girl friends.. i dont know.. please teach me.."

some bits and pieces:

w a guy but i dun c whens the point u crossed ur line. Pls explain tt part.. hmmm if u say casual sekali is wrong, then i need to apologise 2..

cos im so casual 2. pls teach me my limits! cos i comm w all girls like so too! No need to malu to Him cos u dun knw=tak tahu maka tak dosa kan

i think i tried to explain about communication between guy/girl in Islam.. but i think he didnt quite get it:

on 22.8.2008 -

:-)
Mabuk kalau nak pikir camtu everytime.
But i think also depend on e other party.
If i dun mind, u dun hav to trouble urslf worryg.
Releks lah k.
pntg aper?

oh! the above incident happened in August.

then........ on the same day -

20.53 hrs

Assalam,
Hmm suggestion. Maybe on fri nites kan u can stay in sch n can watch movie at lib!
But let me apply alumni member 1st.
Can watch together?
Free lagi:-)

fuh! menyirap sey darah bila baca. nak kata meluat, tak sampai tahap tu ah.. truthfully, tibe2 kite naik seram. berani nye mamat ni..

pikir2 balik.. bersyukur sgt2 di atas kekuatan Iman.. i dont think i replied that sms. tapi dlm hati, nak sgt beritahu dia yang apa yang dia cadangkan tu salah dan nasihatkan dia. but at the same time, malas nak layan. dan takut nak layan. takut jadi perbualan panjang plak.. maklumlah, kena explain itu ini, klw dia tak faham2.

-------

begitulah kisahnyer..

yes, i do know the name of this person. apparently he is one of NI's new recruits. well, supposedly ah. but he has not come to any NI activities yet.

but! please note - i do not intend to shed a bad light on him. i do not want to judge him based on his smses, although im clearly not comfortable with it. He may be a good person. The common thing about him and me is that we both have weaknesses. so do the rest of humankind.

okay, ni sekadar untuk catatan.. 3 bulan, 3 tahun, 13 tahun akan dtg, bila tgk post nih, boleh ketawa sendiri kenangkan this incident. hehehe..

in the meantime, i'll just go on with my life as usual. =)

mmm.. just my last thoughts: mungkin mindsetnye lain; tak salah makan sama2, hang out, dgn kawan perempuan.. mcm kesian plak kat dia. bukan kesian, nak iyekan permintaannya. tapi, kesian klw dia tak tahu/sedar. klw pikir jauh sikit, kesian lihatkan keadaan mcm ni happening to fellow remaja Islam..