Give up what you want at the moment for something you want most in life.
it's very hard to focus.
at the moment, i wonder if i can quit and do something else.
but no, i can't.
not yet.
what i want most in life,
hmm..
still undecided.
Ya Allah, ease the path for me..
let the pictures do the talking..
a birthday present from my
finally decided to use it for my sip days. and guess what? the pics were taken in the ladies! coz kat dlm office, ade boss uh.. heh.
a meeting with SP, at SP. first time dapat jejakkan kaki ke situ.. dapat jugak explore few areas while waiting for marliyana. btw, in the pic: syakirah SP and marliyana TP. oh, and SP got popular (!!), pizza hut, mcdonald's and kfc.
maisarah and far'ain from NPMSS. tmsn meeting. met them for the first time there =)
kak nadiah from SIM.. ameerah persatuan.. segan jugak bila dia ada.. not really intimidated ah.. more to rasa kagum.. seorang ameerah, pastinya dia mempunyai kewibawaan, semangat yang jitu dan keberanian.. mudah2an urusannya dimudahkan Allah =)
my first activity on a particular sunday. mind you, it was about 9 in the morning. tak pernah2 me see afeyah off to DQ.. but that sunday was special.. coz it was gonna be our last time together.. perhaps the next one is gonna be 4 years later? and it's great to see kak juwita again! nama je tinggal dekat, tapi kita jarang sekali jumpa.. i truly appreciate the times when we went to mks, and balik from mks, together.. or bila gi kelas ustaz ahmad. alhamdulillah di atas ikatan ukhwah ini.. klw dgn kak solehah.. heee... ni me segan jugak. but i do hope i can get to know her better one day..
after seeing the DQians off, me and adilah gi makan breakfast kat zam zam.. aahh.. again, im thankful for these last few moments with her =) afterwards, i went to EXPO for the NLB book sale (!!!). thanks to kak rufi who told me about it few days before. and yea, my partner in
but the atmosphere there was peaceful ah.. the background music pon best. evergreen.. so yang middle-aged, pakcik makcik terhibur jugak. ade jugak orang beside me who sang along under their breaths.. or hummed.. cute!
yes! setelah ku membeli buku2.. i think it was two plastic bags.. tapi kak maryam bawak balikkan satu, i went to mks. alhamdulillah~ glad i did.. tak kisah lah diri dah rasa a bit penat.. bawak a plastic of books and my own bag.. and i had been walking since morning.. but it was worth it, to be with my two dear sisters and few others. oh! and i met someone who is from ntums, and she's in thfz too! alhamdulillah...!
after asar, gi majlis kenduri liyana rahaim pulak~ guess which one is her? hmm.. miss her sometimes.. still remember her testimonial for me kat friendster.. haha.. kita sama2 gurga lah, liyana! haha.. but i always believe in the good side of her, the soft part of her... mudah2an, pengalaman belajar dan tinggal di mesir dapat mendidik anti menjadi muslimah yang lebih baik, pelajar yang benar2 menghayati ilmu, dan sahabat yang sejati =) jangan sia2kan peluang yang ada k?
this pic was taken during IGM.. woo hoo~ first time panjat rock wall kat safra lah sey~ sukerrr! maklum je lah, RR'06 and RR'07 me tgk orang panjat je.. got to meet up with few sisters from RR'07 ^_^ ooohh.. it was a good time for me and kak maryam to get to know erni NYPMS better too, or at least, for her to get more comfortable with us. coz time tu, we were in the dtalk admin team, and jarang meet. but later kan, i realise that during d-talk itself was the best time for the three of us.. we bonded lah, amidst the preparation for registration, the looooonnnggg night of doing admin stuff and whatnots.
TP/NI sisters, after they had their study time and maghrib~ two new sisters for me: farzanah and begum farah. i had known/met farah before ah.. we smile/approach each other when we bum into each other.. but that night was the first time for the both of us to be in the same setting. and she speaks well, alright!
went to watch the musabaqah after work at sc, on a saturday. reminiscing the moments uh.. the feeling of nervousness, or bila dah hafal2, tapi blank bila on stage.. the murajaah moments before your own turn.. haiz~ i actually thought of participating, but changed my mind coz i figured i wouldnt finish murajaah on time.
(to be continued)
of teachers and rebellious kids
okay, so, apparently, Dangerous Minds is not better than The Freedom Writers.
the movie was okay-okay, not much action or suspense.. or moving moments, solid plot.
dah berzaman sey kepingin nak tgk Dangerous Minds, finally found it just now kat YouTube. bila dah tgk, nak kata disappointed, tak jugak.
so far, movies of the same 'genre' that i have watched and enjoyed are Sister Act 1 & 2, To Sir With Love, Les Choristes, The School of Rock, Take the Lead, The Freedom Writers.. and I would say, Les Choristes and The Freedom Writers are the best yet! I recommend you to watch these two.
ayah sedang memperkatakan tentang wahabi..
hati saya terasa panas..
Ya Allah.. aku masih mencari..
mana satukah yang benar ya Rabb?
firqah itu, firqah ini..
toriqoh itu, toriqoh ini..
salafi, wahabi, dan banyak lagi..
aku mahu mencari yang benar ya Rabb
agar hatiku tenang..
agar aku dapat beribadah dgn tenang..
tapi, aku sedang keliru..
Ku mohon petunjukMu..
hati saya terasa panas..
Ya Allah.. aku masih mencari..
mana satukah yang benar ya Rabb?
firqah itu, firqah ini..
toriqoh itu, toriqoh ini..
salafi, wahabi, dan banyak lagi..
aku mahu mencari yang benar ya Rabb
agar hatiku tenang..
agar aku dapat beribadah dgn tenang..
tapi, aku sedang keliru..
Ku mohon petunjukMu..
tadi gi bloghopping~ gi blog akhawat2 senior.. hmmm...
saya rindu dgn mereka.. saya rindu nak bersama dgn mereka..
seorang, saya kenal dia daripada musabaqoh syarahan kat alsagoff dulu.
seorang lagi, saya kenal dia dari mirc #IslamicSch.. kemudian terjumpa time nak balik dari majlis maulid kat wak tanjong.. alahai~ tersipu2 bila nampak dia. hehe..
hmmm... dan beberapa orang lagi.
hmmm.. kemudiannya, rata2, pusat tahfiz menjadi tempat kami semua saling kenal-mengenali.. saling membina satu ikatan ukhwah.. saling kuat-menguatkan..
saya rindu dgn mereka.. semuanya di luar negara.. dan sebulan yang lalu, seorang sahabat saya terbang ke bumi kinanah.. tinggal saya seorang.. anti... 4 tahun tu lama.. tapi takpe, anti tak balik pon ana ok.. mudah-mudahan, Allah pertemukan kita lagi eh? ana doakan anti kuat, anti pon doakan ana eh? bila pikir2 tentang situasi ana skrg, tentang masa hadapan, rasa lemah sgt. mcm nak rebah. mcm nak terbang, lari ke mana akhawat ana berada..
saya rindu dgn mereka.. saya rindu dikelilingi akhawat yang punya fikrah yang sama.. ilmu mereka.. pengalaman mereka.. perwatakan mereka..
tempat saya bermanja..
tempat saya meraih ilmu dan nasihat..
tempat saya mendapat peringatan..
masa usrah ahlulquranpts, hmm.. seringkali, saya teringatkan suasana bersama mereka.. saya bersyukur.. kerana Allah masih sayangkan saya, menggerakkan hati saya untuk terus menghadiri usrah..
saya rindu sangat..
saya rindu dgn mereka.. saya rindu nak bersama dgn mereka..
seorang, saya kenal dia daripada musabaqoh syarahan kat alsagoff dulu.
seorang lagi, saya kenal dia dari mirc #IslamicSch.. kemudian terjumpa time nak balik dari majlis maulid kat wak tanjong.. alahai~ tersipu2 bila nampak dia. hehe..
hmmm... dan beberapa orang lagi.
hmmm.. kemudiannya, rata2, pusat tahfiz menjadi tempat kami semua saling kenal-mengenali.. saling membina satu ikatan ukhwah.. saling kuat-menguatkan..
saya rindu dgn mereka.. semuanya di luar negara.. dan sebulan yang lalu, seorang sahabat saya terbang ke bumi kinanah.. tinggal saya seorang.. anti... 4 tahun tu lama.. tapi takpe, anti tak balik pon ana ok.. mudah-mudahan, Allah pertemukan kita lagi eh? ana doakan anti kuat, anti pon doakan ana eh? bila pikir2 tentang situasi ana skrg, tentang masa hadapan, rasa lemah sgt. mcm nak rebah. mcm nak terbang, lari ke mana akhawat ana berada..
saya rindu dgn mereka.. saya rindu dikelilingi akhawat yang punya fikrah yang sama.. ilmu mereka.. pengalaman mereka.. perwatakan mereka..
tempat saya bermanja..
tempat saya meraih ilmu dan nasihat..
tempat saya mendapat peringatan..
masa usrah ahlulquranpts, hmm.. seringkali, saya teringatkan suasana bersama mereka.. saya bersyukur.. kerana Allah masih sayangkan saya, menggerakkan hati saya untuk terus menghadiri usrah..
saya rindu sangat..
im still shaking. terribly.
you know the feeling, "dicengkam rasa takut dan bimbang yang amat sangat"?
yes, that's what im experiencing now.
im just soo afraid of the near future, what it may bring. i think, only after 5 years from today, then i can breathe easily.
i've tried what i can. in this short time. my fault. coz i had more than a week.
i've never felt so trapped..
aku tak mahu berbohong. aku tidak mahu menipu.
Ya Allah.. ampunilah aku.
i cant go back now.
pasrah.
Ya Allah.. permudahkanlah.. Engkau Maha Mengetahui apa yang aku telah lakukan dan alami.
this heart feels heavy. i know that if He wills, what comes around will come around..
*taking deep breaths*
i've tried.. but this deep guilt screams that i've not done enough.
my whole body is in a very very tense mode.
*macam nak nangis*
you know the feeling, "dicengkam rasa takut dan bimbang yang amat sangat"?
yes, that's what im experiencing now.
im just soo afraid of the near future, what it may bring. i think, only after 5 years from today, then i can breathe easily.
i've tried what i can. in this short time. my fault. coz i had more than a week.
i've never felt so trapped..
aku tak mahu berbohong. aku tidak mahu menipu.
Ya Allah.. ampunilah aku.
i cant go back now.
pasrah.
Ya Allah.. permudahkanlah.. Engkau Maha Mengetahui apa yang aku telah lakukan dan alami.
this heart feels heavy. i know that if He wills, what comes around will come around..
*taking deep breaths*
i've tried.. but this deep guilt screams that i've not done enough.
my whole body is in a very very tense mode.
*macam nak nangis*
"... macam orang Malaysia..!.."
"aaahh? takdelah..~"
hehe.. that was what i encountered just now. apa yang macam orang Malaysia? it's the way i talk i guess. k lah, telo.. personally, ntah. macam orang Malaysia ke? i would think that sometimes i talk like makcik2! hahaha.. im sure a lot of my friends agree to that! haha
teringat time raya.. i think it was two years ago. first ke second day of raya ah.. then, my family went to masjid al-mukminin to solat.. kat dalam ladies. klw tak silap, i was talking to my sister. dah tu, ade satu makcik ni tegur, "awak (cant remember how she addressed me) orang Malaysia ke?" or was it "orang Johor".. hehe.. i said "saya orang singapore, cik".. >.^
fikir2 balik, maybe i was influenced by ust salbiah kot. she taught us bahasa melayu.. sejarah Islam.. eh, ape lagi yang ust salbiah ajar eh? akhlak ke? and also, the influence may have come from my few-days stay kat DQ. fuh, dah berzaman sey tu.. 4 years ago, i think.
hehe.. kite cakap ni.. just nak share je.. tak terkilan.. amused adelah. hehe
Oh yes! and eid miilad to my dear friend, Kamaliah...!! ana tak lupa~ cuma mcm malas nak hantar sms. haha! gurau jek. ana doakan anti dilindungi Allah dan sentiasa mendapat taufiq dan hidayah(wa syafiq wa kamaliah.. hehe.. =p)Nya.. apa pun yang anti lakukan, iringi ia dgn semangat yang jitu k. and... im just an MRT station away if you ever need me.. tomorrow ke, next month ke, 2 years later ke.. last but not least, keep up the working-out routine! haha.. ;p
"aaahh? takdelah..~"
hehe.. that was what i encountered just now. apa yang macam orang Malaysia? it's the way i talk i guess. k lah, telo.. personally, ntah. macam orang Malaysia ke? i would think that sometimes i talk like makcik2! hahaha.. im sure a lot of my friends agree to that! haha
teringat time raya.. i think it was two years ago. first ke second day of raya ah.. then, my family went to masjid al-mukminin to solat.. kat dalam ladies. klw tak silap, i was talking to my sister. dah tu, ade satu makcik ni tegur, "awak (cant remember how she addressed me) orang Malaysia ke?" or was it "orang Johor".. hehe.. i said "saya orang singapore, cik".. >.^
fikir2 balik, maybe i was influenced by ust salbiah kot. she taught us bahasa melayu.. sejarah Islam.. eh, ape lagi yang ust salbiah ajar eh? akhlak ke? and also, the influence may have come from my few-days stay kat DQ. fuh, dah berzaman sey tu.. 4 years ago, i think.
hehe.. kite cakap ni.. just nak share je.. tak terkilan.. amused adelah. hehe
Oh yes! and eid miilad to my dear friend, Kamaliah...!! ana tak lupa~ cuma mcm malas nak hantar sms. haha! gurau jek. ana doakan anti dilindungi Allah dan sentiasa mendapat taufiq dan hidayah(wa syafiq wa kamaliah.. hehe.. =p)Nya.. apa pun yang anti lakukan, iringi ia dgn semangat yang jitu k. and... im just an MRT station away if you ever need me.. tomorrow ke, next month ke, 2 years later ke.. last but not least, keep up the working-out routine! haha.. ;p
uwaaaahhh~ final. ly.
I've been wanting to upload this video for the longest time sey~ dari oktober tahun lepas.. dan dari oktober tahun lepas tu lah, the video tak di-delete2 dari kameraku. *makan space kat kamera*. akhirnya~ baru kelmarin tukar video format, dan kali ni, windows movie maker tak buat hal. so yeah~ aku telah berjaya meng-overcome challenge ini! (chett~ macam real! -.-")
so, anyway, the video below was one of the few (and it's the longest) i took during Forum Irama II held in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. tak sangka plak liyana boleh interested dlm this kind of event eh? heee.. sebenarnye, curious ah.. nak tahu jugak camne edutainment macam gini goes. so, $15 gwe terbang~~ oh, i went alone. but dpt meet up dgn haziqah afterwards (and having a late bite at McD [dah masuk bukit timah uh :S] with her padahal dah pukul sebelas [read: dah naik cemas coz nanti ayah -----]).
mind you, i never paid attention to the sajak. i was more fascinated by the silat moves, especially the second part (sparring). hmmm... suddenly, im wondering how it'll be like to integrate silat n tkd. i mean, in both sparring and pattern. mesti weird.
i took other vids too:
oh, and i've got some photos:
Forum Irama II: Getaran Jiwa 261007
i was supposed to give my feedback to ust zauwiah after the show... but, ermm.. ni dah lapan, sembilan bulan overdue. heh.
secara jujur, i wasn't clear of the meaning, definition and explanation of 'getaran jiwa' by the performers/organisers/ustazs.. im sure they tried to relate the performances [nasyids, sajak, skit, dikir barat] with the right content, with 'getaran jiwa'.. but i just didnt get it. i guess, to me, the explanation wasnt solid enough. tak mantOp ah. cant remember what they said.. but i remember vividly the feeling/impression i had that night.
maybe it was the mixture of seriousness of the actual message yang nak disampaikan and the entertainment offered/performed, so i guess people tend to pay more attention, or enjoy the latter more. again, this is my biased opinion. true, that it's time to spread the good words and reminders beyond the halls of syarahan, kuliahs, etc, etc, and i admit that the event was a wonderful effort from the organisers. something fresh, no? and from the way it was executed (smooth~, i would say), the organisers had worked hard, and practised hard.
hmmm... yes, it was an 'interactive forum'. so, even though i wasn't terkesan, i hope others were.
now, what exactly was the message, content thruout the show? errmmm... im not so sure right now. i recommend that you visit this web to know more: http://luas-getaranjiwa.blogspot.com/
last but not least, i remembered and liked one song from the show. finally found it at imeem. ;D
so, anyway, the video below was one of the few (and it's the longest) i took during Forum Irama II held in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. tak sangka plak liyana boleh interested dlm this kind of event eh? heee.. sebenarnye, curious ah.. nak tahu jugak camne edutainment macam gini goes. so, $15 gwe terbang~~ oh, i went alone. but dpt meet up dgn haziqah afterwards (and having a late bite at McD [dah masuk bukit timah uh :S] with her padahal dah pukul sebelas [read: dah naik cemas coz nanti ayah -----]).
mind you, i never paid attention to the sajak. i was more fascinated by the silat moves, especially the second part (sparring). hmmm... suddenly, im wondering how it'll be like to integrate silat n tkd. i mean, in both sparring and pattern. mesti weird.
i took other vids too:
oh, and i've got some photos:
Forum Irama II: Getaran Jiwa 261007
i was supposed to give my feedback to ust zauwiah after the show... but, ermm.. ni dah lapan, sembilan bulan overdue. heh.
secara jujur, i wasn't clear of the meaning, definition and explanation of 'getaran jiwa' by the performers/organisers/ustazs.. im sure they tried to relate the performances [nasyids, sajak, skit, dikir barat] with the right content, with 'getaran jiwa'.. but i just didnt get it. i guess, to me, the explanation wasnt solid enough. tak mantOp ah. cant remember what they said.. but i remember vividly the feeling/impression i had that night.
maybe it was the mixture of seriousness of the actual message yang nak disampaikan and the entertainment offered/performed, so i guess people tend to pay more attention, or enjoy the latter more. again, this is my biased opinion. true, that it's time to spread the good words and reminders beyond the halls of syarahan, kuliahs, etc, etc, and i admit that the event was a wonderful effort from the organisers. something fresh, no? and from the way it was executed (smooth~, i would say), the organisers had worked hard, and practised hard.
hmmm... yes, it was an 'interactive forum'. so, even though i wasn't terkesan, i hope others were.
now, what exactly was the message, content thruout the show? errmmm... im not so sure right now. i recommend that you visit this web to know more: http://luas-getaranjiwa.blogspot.com/
last but not least, i remembered and liked one song from the show. finally found it at imeem. ;D
On a happier note -
I didnt realise i had missed the date i opened my eyes into this world til about 3 days ago. and that '3 days ago' was 29 days after the Big day, klw tak silap.
Happy belated birthday, my dear =) sorry, belum punya rezki untuk belikan apa2. tunggu bulan november ya? but, i do have some words of wisdom for you to remember and reflect.
^_^
Happy belated birthday, my dear =) sorry, belum punya rezki untuk belikan apa2. tunggu bulan november ya? but, i do have some words of wisdom for you to remember and reflect.
^_^
Masih dalam Istikharah - Finale
A snippet from my conversation with a bro whom i respect..
i think, i was unsure.
i think, i was gradually becoming sure.
but my judgement was becoming biased.
aah.. it was happening again - pelajaran ditolak tepi.
yet, i remembered - kalau kita lakukan sesuatu di jalan Allah.. Allah pasti tolong. hmm.. must tajdid niyyah. check and re-check my inner self. coz i always forget. and im always tainted.
And, in the very early morning of 24th May 2008, I've come to a decision. although, to be honest, yes, i remember, i wasn't completely definitely strongly sure with that decision. rupa-rupanya masih ade keraguan. tapi dibiarkan.
Tuhan.. ku rasa agak lemah membaca kembali apa yang telah ku tulis.
ku teringat semula malam itu.. kira-kira tiga tahun lalu.. semasa Orientasi Prisma. ust Zauwiah di sebelahku.
ku teringat kembali hari itu, tiga tahun setengah yang lalu, setelah aku diberi jawatan yang ku rasakan amat berat.
ya, kedua2nya berat.
dan pada malam dan hari itu, ku meratapi segala yang perlu aku sandang dibahu, segala kelemahan, segala kehampaan, segala harapan, segala yang telah berlalu dan akan berlaku.
Tuhan.. mengapakah masih ada rasa takut dalam hati ini?
Tuhan.. mengapakah keyakinanku begitu rapuh?
Jangan bersedih.. jangan gusar.. jangan takut. Innallaha ma'anaa..!
Tapi, mengapa aku masih belum dapat menjiwai kata-kata itu?
Tuhan.. permudahkanlah....
:: One senior :: says: i shall say nothing more than..
:: One senior :: says: to each, Allah has set his/her path...
:: One senior :: says: watever decision u make.. tts His beautiful path for u..
i think, i was unsure.
i think, i was gradually becoming sure.
but my judgement was becoming biased.
aah.. it was happening again - pelajaran ditolak tepi.
yet, i remembered - kalau kita lakukan sesuatu di jalan Allah.. Allah pasti tolong. hmm.. must tajdid niyyah. check and re-check my inner self. coz i always forget. and im always tainted.
And, in the very early morning of 24th May 2008, I've come to a decision. although, to be honest, yes, i remember, i wasn't completely definitely strongly sure with that decision. rupa-rupanya masih ade keraguan. tapi dibiarkan.
analiy says:
assalamu'alaikum
analiy says:
are you still awake?
her senior says:
wa'alaikumussalam wr (: yes i am
analiy says:
haha
analiy says:
k, klw dah ngantok takpe tau
her senior says:
tak lah
her senior says:
blum ngantuk. cume tak tau nak buat ape.
her senior says:
hav u fnished ur assignmnt?
analiy says:
dah
analiy says:
akhirnyer
analiy says:
okay kak...
analiy says:
bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim
her senior says:
yup. im ready.
analiy says:
eh, klw tulis formal kat surat pon orite jugak eh
analiy says:
(k, ni cari alasan nak lambat2 bilang)
analiy says:
k k
her senior says:
hee
analiy says:
i've decided that
her senior says:
jap jap.
analiy says:
with pleasure
analiy says:
i'll wait
her senior says:
apapun keputusan liyana, i believe it is for the best. and forgive me if all this while, my words cam not helping in ur decision making.
my point is i'm ready to hear =)
her senior says:
k dah.
analiy says:
I accept the responsibility as vice-chairperson of Nur Ikhwan AY08/09 Committee.
analiy says:
hmmm... after how many weeks and days... finally, i've made my decision
analiy says:
my parents are okay with it.
analiy says:
and i told them, the duty will start end of june
analiy says:
betol kan?
her senior says:
alhamdulilah. terharu nyer.
analiy says:
=)
Tuhan.. ku rasa agak lemah membaca kembali apa yang telah ku tulis.
ku teringat semula malam itu.. kira-kira tiga tahun lalu.. semasa Orientasi Prisma. ust Zauwiah di sebelahku.
ku teringat kembali hari itu, tiga tahun setengah yang lalu, setelah aku diberi jawatan yang ku rasakan amat berat.
ya, kedua2nya berat.
dan pada malam dan hari itu, ku meratapi segala yang perlu aku sandang dibahu, segala kelemahan, segala kehampaan, segala harapan, segala yang telah berlalu dan akan berlaku.
Tuhan.. mengapakah masih ada rasa takut dalam hati ini?
Tuhan.. mengapakah keyakinanku begitu rapuh?
Jangan bersedih.. jangan gusar.. jangan takut. Innallaha ma'anaa..!
Tapi, mengapa aku masih belum dapat menjiwai kata-kata itu?
Tuhan.. permudahkanlah....
Everyone's out.
The house's mine.
The internet's on.
it's a lazy Sunday, alright.
ooh!
and Wall.E is out...!!!!
k, i've watched it, not really happening ah.. or funny. but still, Wall.E is one cute little robot =)
and... i found this at youtube -
cant wait cantwaitcantwaitcantwait..~~
The house's mine.
The internet's on.
it's a lazy Sunday, alright.
ooh!
and Wall.E is out...!!!!
k, i've watched it, not really happening ah.. or funny. but still, Wall.E is one cute little robot =)
and... i found this at youtube -
cant wait cantwaitcantwaitcantwait..~~
chit-chat with alumni
setelah berminggu-minggu saye asyik tangguh je untuk blog, kali ni, saye NAK BLOG JUGAK!! tak kisah yang skrg ni dah lewat malam, esok kerja, ade email nak dihantar, document nak dicompile. -.-"
okay, sebelum tu, nak reply tags jap. coz my pc ni, selalu tak dapat view my tagboard. bila dapat, tak boleh nak send reply plak. so here goes:
Brother - aah.. yes, i'm not facing it alone. Thank you for the gentle reminder.
Spiderman_pink - thanks for the info. memang bila pikir2, darah, along with other organs such as kidneys, or liver, are valuable lifesavers. sometimes, i imagine myself in the recipient's shoes.. so, yeah~ to be able to feel the satisfaction, knowing that we make a difference in people's life, with just 400mL of blood for example, and that we dont have to be too educated or rich or do some far-fetched stuff to help people... Hamdna lillah..~ semangat jugak bila nampak poster derma darah kat sc! but, i'm not sure if i can donate blood these coming weeks. nevertheless, i hope more Muslims will step forward to pledge their names in this 'Rahmatan lil alamin' project.
Chit-Chat with Alumni
first and foremost, banyaknyerr makanan! alhamdulillah.... saye sangat gembira! (heh. nampak sgt orang tu suker makan) plus, sempat tgk Lord of the Rings. k, suprisingly, marliyana is also a fan, and..... her fav is Aragorn! *high five, girl!* yelah, mcm first time gitu.. selama ni, the people i met heran nah dgn Legolas.
hmm.. maybe i should change my msn nickname to Aragorn. k, tak penting.
anyway, it was enjoyable to be able to makan2 and talk2 with my NI alumni.. it would've been much much much (haaa.. tiga kali tu. tawkid!) better if 1. it was all-girls, 2. kak wani, kak fadz, kak diyanah, kak masturah, kak maryam O were there.
got to know about their family background, quirks, how they came into NI, personal experience, and some other stuff. it was a good opportunity too, to know more about the two upcoming chairperson and vice-chairperson.
cuma..
you revealed too much lah, liyana!
i realise that i like to tell people stories, stories about my past, my everyday life, or just some random thoughts. simply said, liyana suker cerita panjang lebar~~
hah! so much for 'i dont like to reveal that much.. ask me questions, so i can answer accordingly...' sungguh contradicting.
i mean, sometimes it's good.. especially when you're with friends whom you're comfortable with.
tapi, liyana, kau tak sepatutnya cerita banyak sgt! kebanyakan jawapan2 yang kau berikan tak sepatutnyer didengari oleh lelaki.
ya! walaupun mereka itu kau anggap sebagai saudara se-Islam, pangkat abang/adik, tapi mereka tetap lelaki ajnabi!
dan kau seharusnya berurusan dgn mereka apabila perlu sahaje!
*sigh* my dear liyana, where have you thrown your principles? remember, when it comes to principle, you should stand like a rock!
some of the questions were about my family background, a bit about my alsagoff life, 3 strengths that i have, technical skills..
hmmm... bukan ape ah, tapi cara yang kau jawab tu, dan isi jawapan kau.. next time, should be more filtered, tersusun.. yang penting2 je k? klw semua perempuan lain lah.. bercerita sampai malam2 buta pun tak kisah. hehe..
ade question: are you a shy person?
macham nak ketawa bila pikirkan perangai saye dulu2.. shy eh? sometimes kot.. tapikan, i think, im the type of person who tak shy nak mencuba sesuatu, or angkat tangan to ask something.. melainkan time tu ramai sgt rijal ke.. or tahap shyness tu memang tgh tinggi.
yang pastinye, i've come to realise that im not a really peramah person too.. kinda shy lah kot, when im on my own. tapi, again, kadang2 boleh strike up a conversation.. tgk orang ah..
eh jap, yang kat atas ni bukan answer bulat2 sama yang saye berikan kat diorang tau. all these are what im thinking now.
are you a determined person?
haha.. this one, i answered, "i'd like to think (or was it, 'i hope') that im a determined person coz bla bla bla.."
hmm.. betul ah.. when people say im hardworking, or determined, rasa mcm tak percaya ah.. coz i dont believe so. though i want so much to believe.
tapi.. bila pikir2 balik, memang klw kita buat sesuatu yang kite suka, ade passion, we'll go thru it til the end. YES! til the end. biar ape orang nak kata. biar apa pun tekanan. biar pun kadang2 kita rasa sangat tak kuat.
joyful?
hehe... well, when im happy, cheerful, you can see it. but when im not, you may notice it too. i realised this quite a long time ago. my facial expression tells it all - when im serious, pissed off, sad, depressed, tired (!!), angry, blur.. i do try to keep myself composed, so i wont reveal too much.
but i dont think i tell people what im feeling. i mean, not usually. they can only see my expression to guess, to assume..
hmmmm... entah eh. suddenly im reminded of my sec level days.. hmm...
yang ttg 3 strengths tu, i could only point out one. it's not that im really good at it. i can do it. but i still need to learn, practise.. so to be able to do it effectively. coz at the moment, im not an effective, well-versed speaker.
does 'enthusiasm' count as strength? if yes, then i would say yes, that's one strength i have. although, it's not really stable. can disappear gradually or suddenly.
baru2 ni, in my D-Talk 'reportbook', someone says about me being a person with 'positivenessnessness' (tawkid again~). ni betul2 kes tak percaya. coz pre-event, i saw myself as being fussy, a bit demanding maybe, and yes, i didnt stop wanting to finish, despite my spirits going lower and lower during that particular night/morning.
orite! what else...?
hmmm... i think that's all kot, the questions that caught my attention.
oh, and liyana.. i think you need to set yourself a curfew. seriously. tak guna klw kau happy2, or buat kerja2 yang baik, tapi buat mak ayah susah hati (marah pon ade). in the end, sape yang rasa bersalah? kau jugak. and it washes away all the happy feelings that you had before.
kawan2, lain kali kan, if you see that it's 10.30pm already, do alert me k. cakap ke, sms ke, call ke, nak laung pon boleh. "Liyana! dah pukul 10.30! balik!" klw boleh, sampai rumah before 12am. preferably, 11.45.. buffer time 15 minit. klw dah ingatkan tapi saye degil jugak, cuba ikhtiarkan sampai saye sedar and angkat kaki k. betul ah, liyana ni klw dah seronok kat prog tu, prog ni, asyik tangguh nak balik.
to end this post, i'd like to say that i like kak fiza's cookies. help the kids to improve ye kak, baik dari segi pelajaran, akhlak, mahupun bab bikin2 kuih ni. hehe. and i should've asked kak maryam to tapau her cute little cookies. and... i hope we can do this again, along with the sisters i mentioned earlier and other NI sisters =)
okay, sebelum tu, nak reply tags jap. coz my pc ni, selalu tak dapat view my tagboard. bila dapat, tak boleh nak send reply plak. so here goes:
Brother - aah.. yes, i'm not facing it alone. Thank you for the gentle reminder.
Spiderman_pink - thanks for the info. memang bila pikir2, darah, along with other organs such as kidneys, or liver, are valuable lifesavers. sometimes, i imagine myself in the recipient's shoes.. so, yeah~ to be able to feel the satisfaction, knowing that we make a difference in people's life, with just 400mL of blood for example, and that we dont have to be too educated or rich or do some far-fetched stuff to help people... Hamdna lillah..~ semangat jugak bila nampak poster derma darah kat sc! but, i'm not sure if i can donate blood these coming weeks. nevertheless, i hope more Muslims will step forward to pledge their names in this 'Rahmatan lil alamin' project.
Chit-Chat with Alumni
first and foremost, banyaknyerr makanan! alhamdulillah.... saye sangat gembira! (heh. nampak sgt orang tu suker makan) plus, sempat tgk Lord of the Rings. k, suprisingly, marliyana is also a fan, and..... her fav is Aragorn! *high five, girl!* yelah, mcm first time gitu.. selama ni, the people i met heran nah dgn Legolas.
hmm.. maybe i should change my msn nickname to Aragorn. k, tak penting.
anyway, it was enjoyable to be able to makan2 and talk2 with my NI alumni.. it would've been much much much (haaa.. tiga kali tu. tawkid!) better if 1. it was all-girls, 2. kak wani, kak fadz, kak diyanah, kak masturah, kak maryam O were there.
got to know about their family background, quirks, how they came into NI, personal experience, and some other stuff. it was a good opportunity too, to know more about the two upcoming chairperson and vice-chairperson.
cuma..
you revealed too much lah, liyana!
i realise that i like to tell people stories, stories about my past, my everyday life, or just some random thoughts. simply said, liyana suker cerita panjang lebar~~
hah! so much for 'i dont like to reveal that much.. ask me questions, so i can answer accordingly...' sungguh contradicting.
i mean, sometimes it's good.. especially when you're with friends whom you're comfortable with.
tapi, liyana, kau tak sepatutnya cerita banyak sgt! kebanyakan jawapan2 yang kau berikan tak sepatutnyer didengari oleh lelaki.
ya! walaupun mereka itu kau anggap sebagai saudara se-Islam, pangkat abang/adik, tapi mereka tetap lelaki ajnabi!
dan kau seharusnya berurusan dgn mereka apabila perlu sahaje!
*sigh* my dear liyana, where have you thrown your principles? remember, when it comes to principle, you should stand like a rock!
some of the questions were about my family background, a bit about my alsagoff life, 3 strengths that i have, technical skills..
hmmm... bukan ape ah, tapi cara yang kau jawab tu, dan isi jawapan kau.. next time, should be more filtered, tersusun.. yang penting2 je k? klw semua perempuan lain lah.. bercerita sampai malam2 buta pun tak kisah. hehe..
ade question: are you a shy person?
macham nak ketawa bila pikirkan perangai saye dulu2.. shy eh? sometimes kot.. tapikan, i think, im the type of person who tak shy nak mencuba sesuatu, or angkat tangan to ask something.. melainkan time tu ramai sgt rijal ke.. or tahap shyness tu memang tgh tinggi.
yang pastinye, i've come to realise that im not a really peramah person too.. kinda shy lah kot, when im on my own. tapi, again, kadang2 boleh strike up a conversation.. tgk orang ah..
eh jap, yang kat atas ni bukan answer bulat2 sama yang saye berikan kat diorang tau. all these are what im thinking now.
are you a determined person?
haha.. this one, i answered, "i'd like to think (or was it, 'i hope') that im a determined person coz bla bla bla.."
hmm.. betul ah.. when people say im hardworking, or determined, rasa mcm tak percaya ah.. coz i dont believe so. though i want so much to believe.
tapi.. bila pikir2 balik, memang klw kita buat sesuatu yang kite suka, ade passion, we'll go thru it til the end. YES! til the end. biar ape orang nak kata. biar apa pun tekanan. biar pun kadang2 kita rasa sangat tak kuat.
joyful?
hehe... well, when im happy, cheerful, you can see it. but when im not, you may notice it too. i realised this quite a long time ago. my facial expression tells it all - when im serious, pissed off, sad, depressed, tired (!!), angry, blur.. i do try to keep myself composed, so i wont reveal too much.
but i dont think i tell people what im feeling. i mean, not usually. they can only see my expression to guess, to assume..
hmmmm... entah eh. suddenly im reminded of my sec level days.. hmm...
yang ttg 3 strengths tu, i could only point out one. it's not that im really good at it. i can do it. but i still need to learn, practise.. so to be able to do it effectively. coz at the moment, im not an effective, well-versed speaker.
does 'enthusiasm' count as strength? if yes, then i would say yes, that's one strength i have. although, it's not really stable. can disappear gradually or suddenly.
baru2 ni, in my D-Talk 'reportbook', someone says about me being a person with 'positivenessnessness' (tawkid again~). ni betul2 kes tak percaya. coz pre-event, i saw myself as being fussy, a bit demanding maybe, and yes, i didnt stop wanting to finish, despite my spirits going lower and lower during that particular night/morning.
orite! what else...?
hmmm... i think that's all kot, the questions that caught my attention.
oh, and liyana.. i think you need to set yourself a curfew. seriously. tak guna klw kau happy2, or buat kerja2 yang baik, tapi buat mak ayah susah hati (marah pon ade). in the end, sape yang rasa bersalah? kau jugak. and it washes away all the happy feelings that you had before.
kawan2, lain kali kan, if you see that it's 10.30pm already, do alert me k. cakap ke, sms ke, call ke, nak laung pon boleh. "Liyana! dah pukul 10.30! balik!" klw boleh, sampai rumah before 12am. preferably, 11.45.. buffer time 15 minit. klw dah ingatkan tapi saye degil jugak, cuba ikhtiarkan sampai saye sedar and angkat kaki k. betul ah, liyana ni klw dah seronok kat prog tu, prog ni, asyik tangguh nak balik.
to end this post, i'd like to say that i like kak fiza's cookies. help the kids to improve ye kak, baik dari segi pelajaran, akhlak, mahupun bab bikin2 kuih ni. hehe. and i should've asked kak maryam to tapau her cute little cookies. and... i hope we can do this again, along with the sisters i mentioned earlier and other NI sisters =)
agitated
since stepping out of my house til reaching home minutes before 11pm, i felt all wrong.
i couldnt concentrate, disturbed, somehow, all the way during the meeting.
a mix of emotions.
and it escalated while i was walking from the centre to the mrt station.
reached its peak as i walked along the platform and sat waiting for the mrt. exhausted.
Ya Allah..
i seek Your guidance.
just now, i really thought i couldn't take it anymore.
what is 'it'?
i wish i can describe.. but it was too overwhelming. it still is.
i thought i was on the brink of giving up.
Ya Allah..
please, please, please...!!
and now, i just cant do my assignment. i dont want to. i cant. Ya Allah, i just cant.
Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah..
i couldnt concentrate, disturbed, somehow, all the way during the meeting.
a mix of emotions.
and it escalated while i was walking from the centre to the mrt station.
reached its peak as i walked along the platform and sat waiting for the mrt. exhausted.
Ya Allah..
i seek Your guidance.
just now, i really thought i couldn't take it anymore.
what is 'it'?
i wish i can describe.. but it was too overwhelming. it still is.
i thought i was on the brink of giving up.
Ya Allah..
please, please, please...!!
and now, i just cant do my assignment. i dont want to. i cant. Ya Allah, i just cant.
Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah..
brother wants to get engaged.
I'm not thrilled. though I joked my way around.
**
felt the sting when father says I know but I don't understand.
I seek to understand, ayah.
I just don't show it.
and I thank you, for the trust.
**
I miss knowing my brothers.
calling one my brother but i do not know him.
calling another my brother but i do not know him enough.
**
the secret keeper
the listener
no, not the golden child
but one who is always there
**
the mission to do da'wah is calling
da'wah to my family
**
Abang, kakak, abang, adik.. Liyana doakan kalian.. Liyana doakan kita semua..
Ya Allah,
jadikanlah kami anak-anak yang soleh dan solehah..
didiklah kami Ya Allah..
jangan biarkan kami menyimpang hingga menjadi anak derhaka..
kurniakanlah hidayahMu Ya Allah..
aku sayang kedua abang, kakak dan adikku Ya Allah..
dan aku tidak mahu mak dan ayah terluka..
Ya Allah.. janganlah Kau matikan kami dalam keadaan kami tidak direstui mereka..
**
Ya Allah..
please let them know, in their hearts, that I love them.
even though I do not show it.
please let them know, that I am willing to sacrifice.
please let them know, that I seek their blessings.
**
Ya Allah..
kuatkanlah aku..
aku ingin menjadi anak yang solehah..
**
Ya Allah..
please do not let them see my tears.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
and I know what my next step after graduation will be.
All is well.
I'm not thrilled. though I joked my way around.
**
felt the sting when father says I know but I don't understand.
I seek to understand, ayah.
I just don't show it.
and I thank you, for the trust.
**
I miss knowing my brothers.
calling one my brother but i do not know him.
calling another my brother but i do not know him enough.
**
the secret keeper
the listener
no, not the golden child
but one who is always there
**
the mission to do da'wah is calling
da'wah to my family
**
Abang, kakak, abang, adik.. Liyana doakan kalian.. Liyana doakan kita semua..
Ya Allah,
jadikanlah kami anak-anak yang soleh dan solehah..
didiklah kami Ya Allah..
jangan biarkan kami menyimpang hingga menjadi anak derhaka..
kurniakanlah hidayahMu Ya Allah..
aku sayang kedua abang, kakak dan adikku Ya Allah..
dan aku tidak mahu mak dan ayah terluka..
Ya Allah.. janganlah Kau matikan kami dalam keadaan kami tidak direstui mereka..
**
Ya Allah..
please let them know, in their hearts, that I love them.
even though I do not show it.
please let them know, that I am willing to sacrifice.
please let them know, that I seek their blessings.
**
Ya Allah..
kuatkanlah aku..
aku ingin menjadi anak yang solehah..
**
Ya Allah..
please do not let them see my tears.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
and I know what my next step after graduation will be.
All is well.
pending stories
--------------------
RR'08 now has the project head and vice heads!
I wish them well.
lookin' forward to meet the rest of the team this wednesday.
--------------------
do you notice that i seldom share about my work?
last saturday, i chanced upon pictures of the volunteers.. old ones. was kinda amused to see the different hairstyles for the brothers and their antics in the pictures, and different tudung styles for the sisters. was kinda amazed to see their younger faces, coz i was thinking, how far have they come.. reminding me that they have way more experience.. feeling more respectful of them.. saw a few of my seniors from my alma mater too. oh, and suprisingly, my cousin too (yea, cuz, i was suprised! heh).
on another note, i want to commit to my work. i really do. coz i enjoy working there. although sometimes, i have to reinforce to myself that im just a worker. i've no business with them. when the time is for work, work. when the time is not for work, then i become a volunteer too. and sometimes, i think i may not be here for very long. i just cant say for now. after confirmation about my SIP placement, then we will see..
updates and such
1. it's that time of the year again: my term tests are done and over with. alhamdulillah di atas segala yang telah dipermudahkan...
and now.. wa ufawwidhu amrii ilallah~
2. Kamaliah got third in her class! needless to say, im Happy for youuuu~ and yes, let's go to NUS! haha..mcm betul aku nak masuk sane..
3. Aszafirah dapat masuk NUS laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!! National. University. of Singapore. Alf Mabruk, Ya sohibati~~ oh Allah~ tak tahu ape nak cakap~~ jealous? eh, tak! bangga adelah!
haha.. Selamat Maju Jaya, firah~ ana doakan anti dapat lalui uni experience with an open mind, open heart, dgn tabah, semangat, dan yang sewaktu dgnnya... until... 2012 kan? *Yes~ Aszafirah boleh!*
4. Student Internship Programme in 3 weeks' time. there was a briefing just now. sungguh menaikkan stress dan nervous level saya. hmMmMmMMMmmmm..
5. took Hep B jab last monday. 1st of 3. seriously ah.. i think i've had enough of needles and jabs. the pain's manageable, tapi mcm dah jemu gitu. and tak nak rasa that stinging feeling anymore. haem/bbank lab, blood donation, blood test, and this Hep B jab.. hmm.. im not looking forward to july's one!
6. i was quite suprised with the messages on/at/in my tagboard. really didnt expect anyone to write as many as 2 tags on the same day. my tagboard is usually inactive anyway. haha. plus, the sudden criticism. my reaction? ntah eh, rasa macam tak percaya ah. seriously. i kinda thought that those were some random comments, spam or flood or whatever you call it. and i think it's the first time im criticised in my blog. narcissictic? juvenile? immature? wow..
not taking it to heart, alright. and yeah, i do agree that what one writes does shed some light on one's personality, knowledge, and level of maturity. it may not necessarily 'reflects'.
then again, im not a writer. i think i've typed somewhere here that my thoughts are mostly in my head, unexpressed.. or simply, not expressed here. i think im more of a 'express by actions and body language' kinda person. easier coz no need to squeeze my brain juice to form even one wise - or mature, or intelligent, or funny, or interesting - sentence.
yupz!
ape lagi eh? oh!!
7. remember the post where i said i would tell you what song stuck in my head during bro hafiz M's walimah? so.. the name of the song is: Istri Sholehah.
actually, what caught my attention was
- oops.. sorry! to be continued yea. need to stop. think im gonna be ill. feverish. extremities feel cold. going home. (oh, im in the sch library level 2, btw) -
last but not least,
8. im now in third year but i still have yet to step into RP. aiyo~ gotta set a date with Jim ah.. before SIP.. >.<
9. D-Talk 2008 is coming sOon~~ for YOU - upper sec students, Polytechnic, ITE, JC, Madrasahs students... you're welcome to join Us!! ape tu D-Talk?? k, jom gi http://www.dtalk08.blogspot.com/ now! registration ends 15 June which reminds me... belum post up the reg form kat blog uh. oh no~~
and now.. wa ufawwidhu amrii ilallah~
2. Kamaliah got third in her class! needless to say, im Happy for youuuu~ and yes, let's go to NUS! haha..
3. Aszafirah dapat masuk NUS laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!! National. University. of Singapore. Alf Mabruk, Ya sohibati~~ oh Allah~ tak tahu ape nak cakap~~ jealous? eh, tak! bangga adelah!
haha.. Selamat Maju Jaya, firah~ ana doakan anti dapat lalui uni experience with an open mind, open heart, dgn tabah, semangat, dan yang sewaktu dgnnya... until... 2012 kan? *Yes~ Aszafirah boleh!*
4. Student Internship Programme in 3 weeks' time. there was a briefing just now. sungguh menaikkan stress dan nervous level saya. hmMmMmMMMmmmm..
5. took Hep B jab last monday. 1st of 3. seriously ah.. i think i've had enough of needles and jabs. the pain's manageable, tapi mcm dah jemu gitu. and tak nak rasa that stinging feeling anymore. haem/bbank lab, blood donation, blood test, and this Hep B jab.. hmm.. im not looking forward to july's one!
6. i was quite suprised with the messages on/at/in my tagboard. really didnt expect anyone to write as many as 2 tags on the same day. my tagboard is usually inactive anyway. haha. plus, the sudden criticism. my reaction? ntah eh, rasa macam tak percaya ah. seriously. i kinda thought that those were some random comments, spam or flood or whatever you call it. and i think it's the first time im criticised in my blog. narcissictic? juvenile? immature? wow..
not taking it to heart, alright. and yeah, i do agree that what one writes does shed some light on one's personality, knowledge, and level of maturity. it may not necessarily 'reflects'.
then again, im not a writer. i think i've typed somewhere here that my thoughts are mostly in my head, unexpressed.. or simply, not expressed here. i think im more of a 'express by actions and body language' kinda person. easier coz no need to squeeze my brain juice to form even one wise - or mature, or intelligent, or funny, or interesting - sentence.
yupz!
ape lagi eh? oh!!
7. remember the post where i said i would tell you what song stuck in my head during bro hafiz M's walimah? so.. the name of the song is: Istri Sholehah.
actually, what caught my attention was
- oops.. sorry! to be continued yea. need to stop. think im gonna be ill. feverish. extremities feel cold. going home. (oh, im in the sch library level 2, btw) -
last but not least,
8. im now in third year but i still have yet to step into RP. aiyo~ gotta set a date with Jim ah.. before SIP.. >.<
9. D-Talk 2008 is coming sOon~~ for YOU - upper sec students, Polytechnic, ITE, JC, Madrasahs students... you're welcome to join Us!! ape tu D-Talk?? k, jom gi http://www.dtalk08.blogspot.com/ now! registration ends 15 June which reminds me... belum post up the reg form kat blog uh. oh no~~
was checking my blog to see if there's anymore 'heated' tags.
then, clicked on the 'June 2007' history.
A Different Light.
feel like crying..
No! dont cry k.
You cant!
kerana Pejuang tak boleh menangis!
then, clicked on the 'June 2007' history.
A Different Light.
all these lead to me reflecting, why is my motivation the want, the need, to get in the TOP 10% of the cohort? why is my motivation to be on the same parr as the malay girl, who has the same name as me, who is in the top 10 students for 1st year? why..?
and why isnt my motivation based on the desire to please God? why do i feel a bit estranged from the fact that Allah is always there for me? why do i not trust and put all my hopes and prayers in Him?
why everytime i face failure, or even sense failure, i quickly become discouraged? why cant i be stronger, realising that Allah has me in His hands?
why am i so afraid that i wont reach my goal of getting the A's? is it super important that it blinds me from the pure intention of seeking knowledge?
think, my dear self,
think of your primary intention.
the others will come later.
once you set your innermost intention,
sure about it, work within it,
then you dont have to worry.
feel like crying..
No! dont cry k.
You cant!
kerana Pejuang tak boleh menangis!
Masih dalam Istikharah.. part trois
maybe, the msn conversation i had with my senior is a sign.
maybe, the conversation i had with kak syazwani masa NI mixed usrah last friday, when she mentioned about 'berburuk sangka dgn diri sendiri..', is a sign.
maybe, the conversations i had with ayah yesterday and mak today are signs too.
Alhamdulillah.. one huge obstacle has been overcome. maybe you know what it was, based on the msn conversation.
there are still few things to be thought through.
maybe, the conversation i had with kak syazwani masa NI mixed usrah last friday, when she mentioned about 'berburuk sangka dgn diri sendiri..', is a sign.
maybe, the conversations i had with ayah yesterday and mak today are signs too.
Alhamdulillah.. one huge obstacle has been overcome. maybe you know what it was, based on the msn conversation.
there are still few things to be thought through.
"Ya Allah! Aku mohon pemilihan Mu menerusi pengetahuan Mu dan aku mohon kekuatan Mu menerusi kudrat Mu serta aku minta pada Mu sebahagian dari limpah kurnia Mu yang sangat besar. Sesungguhnya Engkau amat berkuasa sedangkan aku tidak berkuasa, Engkau amat mengetahui sedangkan aku tidak mengetahui dan sesungguhnya Engkau amat mengetahui segala yang ghaib. Ya Allah kiranya Engkau mengetahui bahawa perkara ini (…sebutkan hajat..) adalah baik bagiku dalam urusan agama ku juga dalam urusan penghidupan ku serta natijah pada urusan ku, kini dan akan datang, maka tetapkan lah ia bagi ku dan permudahkanlah ia untukku, serta berkatilah daku padanya. Dan kiranya Engkau mengetahui bahawa perkara ini (…sebutkan hajat..) membawa kejahatan kepadaku dalam urusan agamaku, juga dalam urusan penghidupanku dan natijah urusanku, kini dan akan datang, maka elakkanlah ia dariku dan tetapkanlah kebaikan untukku sebagaimana sepatutnya, kemudian jadikanlah daku meredhainya. (Dari hadis riwayat Imam Bukhari)".
nurjeehan.wordpress.com
a bit of relief
Alhamdulillah...! i've secured 7% for Medical Microbiology.
tadi, pukul 9 ade quiz. BUT! this one was different from the conventional written quiz. it is a VIVA. what is Viva? basically, it's an oral quiz.
first time uh. we went into the tutorial room in our respective groups. so, mine was the first to go in today (about 5 groups already had the viva yesterday). bila dlm perjalanan gi sekolah, baru me teringat that it was open-book. ringan sikit.. tak pecah kepala nak hafal (actually, kat lecture notes sikit info.. tapi yang kat textbook tu yang susah nak digest).
pikir boleh duduk in any order.. rupa2nya, had to sit ikut registration number. so, i was first.. Ya Allah! gugup! mana taknya, semalam, farhana and the gang (as in, dia punye group) cakap susah.. application questions, quite unpredictable.
bila Dr Lee asked me the first question "describe the host defence", i was quite suprised. coz it was an easy, or shall i say, 'give-away', question. tapi tu lah, gugup punya pasal... jawapan tunggang terbalik.. and... selak2 notes cari answer. padahal, the answer was right in front of me.. boleh tak nampak. so, ade jugak points that i missed.
bila dgr soalan2 untuk my 4 other groupmates, boleh dikatakan mudah.. but i can understand why most couldnt answer correctly/completely. and then, Dr Lee gave feedback before he gave the 2nd questions. alhamdulillah.. i did ok. hmm.. ni part yang tak best jugak, sbb penyakit hati ni senang je nak dtg.. mendengarkan komen guru kat kawan2 yang lain.. hmm.. i tried to focus on reciting "rabbish rahli.." sbb silap2 Allah tarik ni'mat yang dah diberi, lantas i might not be able to answer later.
the next round. i thought he would ask from topic 2 'Diagnostic Methods'. ni yang seram sangat ni. dah pasrah uh soalan ape beliau nak bagi. sekali, dia tanya from topic 1 jugak.. "what are the different types of host-pathogen interactions" tapi kan! ni bukan medical microbiology tau. this is basic microbiology.. so it should've been general knowledge for us now. sayangnya, i CANT remember.. tak tahu ape nak jawab. normal flora, opportunistic pathogen, and a bit of stuff from textbook (haa.. this one terkeluar habis! coz that particular content wasnt talking exactly about host-pathogen interactions), tu yang me sebut. actually, sipi2 me ingat about the microbe harms the host, microbe and host benefit, lagi satu tak sure.. tapi me tak ingat the terms..
awkward jugak lah.. Dr Lee kasi hint.. "good and bad interactions". still tak leh nak kasi the exact answer. rase sedih jugak. tapi ianya cukup memberi kesedaran: this may be a kaffarah for a dosa i did just now, 3 hours ago, or yesterday..
at the end, i got 7 marks. gembira sgt2! sebab pikir i would get 5 or 4 marks. and 1 groupmate, he got 10 over 10. happy for him =)
as you can see, the viva has a high weightage. only 10 marks (2 questions x 5 marks), but it covers 10% of the OVERALL percentage for the subject. faham tak? 1 mark gone, 1% gone. so, for me, 7% secured dah cukup baik. coz i wont know how much of the balance percentage (90%, from assignments/term test/class participation) i will get.
once again, alhamdulillah~
tadi, pukul 9 ade quiz. BUT! this one was different from the conventional written quiz. it is a VIVA. what is Viva? basically, it's an oral quiz.
first time uh. we went into the tutorial room in our respective groups. so, mine was the first to go in today (about 5 groups already had the viva yesterday). bila dlm perjalanan gi sekolah, baru me teringat that it was open-book. ringan sikit.. tak pecah kepala nak hafal (actually, kat lecture notes sikit info.. tapi yang kat textbook tu yang susah nak digest).
pikir boleh duduk in any order.. rupa2nya, had to sit ikut registration number. so, i was first.. Ya Allah! gugup! mana taknya, semalam, farhana and the gang (as in, dia punye group) cakap susah.. application questions, quite unpredictable.
bila Dr Lee asked me the first question "describe the host defence", i was quite suprised. coz it was an easy, or shall i say, 'give-away', question. tapi tu lah, gugup punya pasal... jawapan tunggang terbalik.. and... selak2 notes cari answer. padahal, the answer was right in front of me.. boleh tak nampak. so, ade jugak points that i missed.
bila dgr soalan2 untuk my 4 other groupmates, boleh dikatakan mudah.. but i can understand why most couldnt answer correctly/completely. and then, Dr Lee gave feedback before he gave the 2nd questions. alhamdulillah.. i did ok. hmm.. ni part yang tak best jugak, sbb penyakit hati ni senang je nak dtg.. mendengarkan komen guru kat kawan2 yang lain.. hmm.. i tried to focus on reciting "rabbish rahli.." sbb silap2 Allah tarik ni'mat yang dah diberi, lantas i might not be able to answer later.
the next round. i thought he would ask from topic 2 'Diagnostic Methods'. ni yang seram sangat ni. dah pasrah uh soalan ape beliau nak bagi. sekali, dia tanya from topic 1 jugak.. "what are the different types of host-pathogen interactions" tapi kan! ni bukan medical microbiology tau. this is basic microbiology.. so it should've been general knowledge for us now. sayangnya, i CANT remember.. tak tahu ape nak jawab. normal flora, opportunistic pathogen, and a bit of stuff from textbook (haa.. this one terkeluar habis! coz that particular content wasnt talking exactly about host-pathogen interactions), tu yang me sebut. actually, sipi2 me ingat about the microbe harms the host, microbe and host benefit, lagi satu tak sure.. tapi me tak ingat the terms..
awkward jugak lah.. Dr Lee kasi hint.. "good and bad interactions". still tak leh nak kasi the exact answer. rase sedih jugak. tapi ianya cukup memberi kesedaran: this may be a kaffarah for a dosa i did just now, 3 hours ago, or yesterday..
at the end, i got 7 marks. gembira sgt2! sebab pikir i would get 5 or 4 marks. and 1 groupmate, he got 10 over 10. happy for him =)
as you can see, the viva has a high weightage. only 10 marks (2 questions x 5 marks), but it covers 10% of the OVERALL percentage for the subject. faham tak? 1 mark gone, 1% gone. so, for me, 7% secured dah cukup baik. coz i wont know how much of the balance percentage (90%, from assignments/term test/class participation) i will get.
once again, alhamdulillah~
Masih dalam Istikharah.. part deux
Okay, i know only 3 NI member/alumni who read my blog.. i dunno who else, baik direct members or know someone from NI, visits this blog.
and im going to talk about NI. and me. so, i hope you will keep this to yourself. thank you =)
this is going to be avery long post. and a few of you, after reading the conversation below, will know whom i was talking to.
---------------------------------------
senior says: Salam liyana!
she says: ws
senior says: haaa.. just so that u know, i wasnt the one who suggested that u vice chair NI tau!
senior says: hehe..
senior says: they came up with it on their own. and they told the alumni abt their plan of the comm.
she says: 'they' tu sape?
senior says: so we shared our views on it lorz.
senior says: the current comm.
she says: ohh
senior says: yupz yupz.
senior says: i only batu api kan lah kan.
senior says: bende yg baik tu kene rai kan =D
senior says: but of course, i was looking at the whole upcoming comm structure as a whole.
she says: hmmm... okay
i was starting to feel sad.. and was reminded that i still have 'something' on my shoulders.. i was sighing at that time. didn't know what to reply. didnt want to sound annoyed or falsely excited, or sad. so i just said "hmmm... okay"
senior says: Allah dah bagi tanda tanda ?
fuh~ direct sey tanya! macam teragak2 jugak nak jawab.
she says: klw tanda2 tu.... belom kot. tapi cakap hati... dah kot. tapi faktor luaran penting jugak to be considered.
senior says: sgt tepat!
senior says: tapi. tanda Allah tu mcm mcm tau.
she says: pokonyer, masih belum boleh kasi kata putus ah..
senior says: factor luaran tu pon boleh jadi tanda tanda.
she says: *pokoknyer
hmm.. klw tanda-tanda external, mcm mimpi ke (teringat satu bro pernah kata, "jgn tunggu mimpi!"hehe), or maybe terselak2 majalah nampak terjumpa sesuatu yang relate to NI ke, etc ah, tu memang takde kot.. atau diri sendiri sengaja tak nak akui. tapi klw tanda internal.. ade jugak.. more like an urge. bila fikir2, timbang2.. yes, that urge is there. tapi selalu dihalang oleh FAKTOR LUARAN.. nombor 1: my parents. betul lah.. i just cant imagine telling them about this request pon. sedangkan usrah dgn NI-ans pon i am always reluctant to ask for permission. *masalah besar uh*
senior says: tapi mcm kesian pulak eh. 1st da kene fikirkan ramadhan rocks.
she says: hmmm... tgh pikir jugak, if i dont take the position, sape2 lagi yang layak diketengahkan
senior says: pastu ingat dah lepas, skali ni dtg.
senior says: hehe
she says: yes!
she says: betOl sgt
memang tepat apa yang dikatakan.. bila shikin beritahu that me, her and marl are nominated for vice chair.. Ya Allah... susah hati ni. and i thought one is done and over with. coz RR, me dah tolak. cukuplah. tiba2, datang yang ini pula.. i really didnt know what to comment. diam je.. dalam kepala, dah pusing2: nak, tak nak, why this, why now, boleh ke, ayah, mak, SIP, amanah, masa, tenaga..
senior says: hahaha.
senior says: tu pon boleh jadi tanda tau.
senior says: =D
she says: yelah tu~
macam kelakar eh? padahal tak.
senior says: eh betol! i am not here 2 convince u to take up any position.
senior says: but have'nt u realised it yet?
oohh.. when i saw this sentence, felt like typing there and then, yes! i do realise it! tapi tak ah.. diam je dulu.. biar kasi senior cakap.
bila tengah timbang2, fikir2, memang terlintas dalam hati: all these opportunities.. RR, and now NI.. i tot i could run away. but, no. there must be something Allah has prepared for me to do.. tapi kenapa kau tak nak, liyana? sampai bila kau nak tolak? kau takut? kenapa kau mesti lihat ia sebagai satu dugaan yang terlalu besar? di mana liyana yang dulu? aku hairan, ke manakah hilangnya semangat dan kesungguhan engkau? dulu, masa dlm prisma, mcm2 benda kau nak buat.. mcm2 kau nak contribute. but now..?
senior says: y is it that u have been receiving soooo many invitations?
she says: soooo many? ape je
she says: 2 je.
i wasn't being sarcastic, okay. i was only thinking RR'08 and NI je..
senior says: -.-"
senior says: abeh last yr RR head tu ape.
she says: tu dah berzaman~
senior says: last yr kat NI pon u were asked to b part of the comm.
she says: eh?
she says: takde plak
senior says: ape plak dah berzaman. mcm lah liyana tu tua sgt.
senior says: alar. kan liyana reject jadi treasurer.
she says: oohh.. ye tak ye
senior says: okayyy liyana.
senior says: my main point is not that.
senior says: mmg kite mesti rendah diri lah.
senior says: dan tak perlu bagitau org kekuatan kite.
senior says: we do it thru our actions.
senior says: and yes, u may say u find someone else who is capable to take that position
senior says: but as a matter of fact, that person will nvr be liyana. u get wat i mean?
she says: yes, sir!
i think i know what my problem is: sampai sekarang, after whatever i've gone thru, i still dont know my strengths. i dont want to acknowledge them. ketua pengawas, pengerusi prisma, ketua ahlulquran, bendahari NI, ELF quartermaster, ketua RR'07.. you know what i saw? only mistakes, weakness, my failure to keep the amanah.. i want to be given the chance again.. but when i was, when i am, i just want to push them away. is this what they call low self-esteem? and yeah, i think im being too pessimistic. a disease. should get rid of it quickly, shouldn't i?
i remember, asking my RR'07 advisor, "what have you learnt from me?".. in fact, what has anyone learnt from me? i dont see myself as an inspiration, that unique liyana who nobody else can be, who's made any contribution, or change anyone's life. i think, if anyone did learn something from me, during RR'07 or in any situation, i'll fly.
senior says: currently, if all of u 3 accept the position, i c great things!
senior says: im not sure if i have shared with u this b4.
senior says: b4 i took up the challenge given to me to lead NI.
senior says: i was really reluctant seh.
senior says: i was saying to myself, "tk pe lah, kasi a----- jadi chairman"
senior says: but then i realise, that it was never abt the position.
senior says: it was abt the amanah of that position.
yes, amanah! oh God... THAT's the problem. pikirkan amanah yang bakal dipikul.. ditambah dgn amanah belajar yang memang sedang dipikul.. takut yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong (or gendong?) keciciran. pikirkan dosa yang menunggu jika tak jaga amanah.. pikir the people who are gonna be affected.
and knowing myself, takut amanah belajar tu yang slip more..
senior says: if u know u have a clear vision of what u want to achieve, share it with the rest.
senior says: if u want, TP Muslim students to feel that Muslim environment the BEST they can experience.
senior says: den i suggest, u take the position lah.
senior says: but if u r okay to leave it to "chance" , then u have other options.
senior says: think abt it. mayb for s--- u can say, nxt yr oso can.
senior says: or 2 yrs later pon boleh. hehe.
s--- eh? hmmm... actually, i dont consider myself a member. bukan sombong.. tidak! tapi, mcm tak layak gitu. jika dibandingkan dgn bros and sis yang dah lama kat situ. kite ni, baru je satu event involved sgn s---.
senior says: but for NI, this is ur last yr to give ur best.
senior says: and when u r in the comm that u can truly move things.
aaah.. my last year to contribute. yes, i thought about that too.
senior says: having said all that, i also understand u have concerns abt ur studies.
senior says: and parents kan.
senior says: abt studies ni, sape yg bagi kite semua masa nak buat bende2 ni semua?
senior says: Allah kan?
senior says: jadi insyaAllah, kalau kite berjuang kerana Allah, Allah tak akan hampakan kite.
senior says: pentinggggggggg skali. ikhlas.
she says: yes.
dalam hati: alahai~ betulnyeeerrr :'(
senior says: personally, once i made my decision, i wouldnt want anyone else to try 2 convince me to change my mind.
senior says: because, i know that i made that decision after factoring all the possibilities.
senior says: so, for u, i pray that Allah eases the process for u to decide.
senior says: and once u make that decision, i am sure it is for the best.
she says: thank you
and im going to talk about NI. and me. so, i hope you will keep this to yourself. thank you =)
this is going to be a
---------------------------------------
senior says: Salam liyana!
she says: ws
senior says: haaa.. just so that u know, i wasnt the one who suggested that u vice chair NI tau!
senior says: hehe..
senior says: they came up with it on their own. and they told the alumni abt their plan of the comm.
she says: 'they' tu sape?
senior says: so we shared our views on it lorz.
senior says: the current comm.
she says: ohh
senior says: yupz yupz.
senior says: i only batu api kan lah kan.
senior says: bende yg baik tu kene rai kan =D
senior says: but of course, i was looking at the whole upcoming comm structure as a whole.
she says: hmmm... okay
i was starting to feel sad.. and was reminded that i still have 'something' on my shoulders.. i was sighing at that time. didn't know what to reply. didnt want to sound annoyed or falsely excited, or sad. so i just said "hmmm... okay"
senior says: Allah dah bagi tanda tanda ?
fuh~ direct sey tanya! macam teragak2 jugak nak jawab.
she says: klw tanda2 tu.... belom kot. tapi cakap hati... dah kot. tapi faktor luaran penting jugak to be considered.
senior says: sgt tepat!
senior says: tapi. tanda Allah tu mcm mcm tau.
she says: pokonyer, masih belum boleh kasi kata putus ah..
senior says: factor luaran tu pon boleh jadi tanda tanda.
she says: *pokoknyer
hmm.. klw tanda-tanda external, mcm mimpi ke (teringat satu bro pernah kata, "jgn tunggu mimpi!"hehe), or maybe terselak2 majalah nampak terjumpa sesuatu yang relate to NI ke, etc ah, tu memang takde kot.. atau diri sendiri sengaja tak nak akui. tapi klw tanda internal.. ade jugak.. more like an urge. bila fikir2, timbang2.. yes, that urge is there. tapi selalu dihalang oleh FAKTOR LUARAN.. nombor 1: my parents. betul lah.. i just cant imagine telling them about this request pon. sedangkan usrah dgn NI-ans pon i am always reluctant to ask for permission. *masalah besar uh*
senior says: tapi mcm kesian pulak eh. 1st da kene fikirkan ramadhan rocks.
she says: hmmm... tgh pikir jugak, if i dont take the position, sape2 lagi yang layak diketengahkan
senior says: pastu ingat dah lepas, skali ni dtg.
senior says: hehe
she says: yes!
she says: betOl sgt
memang tepat apa yang dikatakan.. bila shikin beritahu that me, her and marl are nominated for vice chair.. Ya Allah... susah hati ni. and i thought one is done and over with. coz RR, me dah tolak. cukuplah. tiba2, datang yang ini pula.. i really didnt know what to comment. diam je.. dalam kepala, dah pusing2: nak, tak nak, why this, why now, boleh ke, ayah, mak, SIP, amanah, masa, tenaga..
senior says: hahaha.
senior says: tu pon boleh jadi tanda tau.
senior says: =D
she says: yelah tu~
macam kelakar eh? padahal tak.
senior says: eh betol! i am not here 2 convince u to take up any position.
senior says: but have'nt u realised it yet?
oohh.. when i saw this sentence, felt like typing there and then, yes! i do realise it! tapi tak ah.. diam je dulu.. biar kasi senior cakap.
bila tengah timbang2, fikir2, memang terlintas dalam hati: all these opportunities.. RR, and now NI.. i tot i could run away. but, no. there must be something Allah has prepared for me to do.. tapi kenapa kau tak nak, liyana? sampai bila kau nak tolak? kau takut? kenapa kau mesti lihat ia sebagai satu dugaan yang terlalu besar? di mana liyana yang dulu? aku hairan, ke manakah hilangnya semangat dan kesungguhan engkau? dulu, masa dlm prisma, mcm2 benda kau nak buat.. mcm2 kau nak contribute. but now..?
senior says: y is it that u have been receiving soooo many invitations?
she says: soooo many? ape je
she says: 2 je.
i wasn't being sarcastic, okay. i was only thinking RR'08 and NI je..
senior says: -.-"
senior says: abeh last yr RR head tu ape.
she says: tu dah berzaman~
senior says: last yr kat NI pon u were asked to b part of the comm.
she says: eh?
she says: takde plak
senior says: ape plak dah berzaman. mcm lah liyana tu tua sgt.
senior says: alar. kan liyana reject jadi treasurer.
she says: oohh.. ye tak ye
senior says: okayyy liyana.
senior says: my main point is not that.
senior says: mmg kite mesti rendah diri lah.
senior says: dan tak perlu bagitau org kekuatan kite.
senior says: we do it thru our actions.
senior says: and yes, u may say u find someone else who is capable to take that position
senior says: but as a matter of fact, that person will nvr be liyana. u get wat i mean?
she says: yes, sir!
i think i know what my problem is: sampai sekarang, after whatever i've gone thru, i still dont know my strengths. i dont want to acknowledge them. ketua pengawas, pengerusi prisma, ketua ahlulquran, bendahari NI, ELF quartermaster, ketua RR'07.. you know what i saw? only mistakes, weakness, my failure to keep the amanah.. i want to be given the chance again.. but when i was, when i am, i just want to push them away. is this what they call low self-esteem? and yeah, i think im being too pessimistic. a disease. should get rid of it quickly, shouldn't i?
i remember, asking my RR'07 advisor, "what have you learnt from me?".. in fact, what has anyone learnt from me? i dont see myself as an inspiration, that unique liyana who nobody else can be, who's made any contribution, or change anyone's life. i think, if anyone did learn something from me, during RR'07 or in any situation, i'll fly.
senior says: currently, if all of u 3 accept the position, i c great things!
senior says: im not sure if i have shared with u this b4.
senior says: b4 i took up the challenge given to me to lead NI.
senior says: i was really reluctant seh.
senior says: i was saying to myself, "tk pe lah, kasi a----- jadi chairman"
senior says: but then i realise, that it was never abt the position.
senior says: it was abt the amanah of that position.
yes, amanah! oh God... THAT's the problem. pikirkan amanah yang bakal dipikul.. ditambah dgn amanah belajar yang memang sedang dipikul.. takut yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong (or gendong?) keciciran. pikirkan dosa yang menunggu jika tak jaga amanah.. pikir the people who are gonna be affected.
and knowing myself, takut amanah belajar tu yang slip more..
senior says: if u know u have a clear vision of what u want to achieve, share it with the rest.
senior says: if u want, TP Muslim students to feel that Muslim environment the BEST they can experience.
senior says: den i suggest, u take the position lah.
senior says: but if u r okay to leave it to "chance" , then u have other options.
senior says: think abt it. mayb for s--- u can say, nxt yr oso can.
senior says: or 2 yrs later pon boleh. hehe.
s--- eh? hmmm... actually, i dont consider myself a member. bukan sombong.. tidak! tapi, mcm tak layak gitu. jika dibandingkan dgn bros and sis yang dah lama kat situ. kite ni, baru je satu event involved sgn s---.
senior says: but for NI, this is ur last yr to give ur best.
senior says: and when u r in the comm that u can truly move things.
aaah.. my last year to contribute. yes, i thought about that too.
senior says: having said all that, i also understand u have concerns abt ur studies.
senior says: and parents kan.
senior says: abt studies ni, sape yg bagi kite semua masa nak buat bende2 ni semua?
senior says: Allah kan?
senior says: jadi insyaAllah, kalau kite berjuang kerana Allah, Allah tak akan hampakan kite.
senior says: pentinggggggggg skali. ikhlas.
she says: yes.
dalam hati: alahai~ betulnyeeerrr :'(
senior says: personally, once i made my decision, i wouldnt want anyone else to try 2 convince me to change my mind.
senior says: because, i know that i made that decision after factoring all the possibilities.
senior says: so, for u, i pray that Allah eases the process for u to decide.
senior says: and once u make that decision, i am sure it is for the best.
she says: thank you
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