"Kenangilah akhawat-akhawat kita yang telah berusaha untuk menjadikan
ahlulquranPTS sebagai tempat untuk memujahadahkan diri. Kenangilah usaha
Halimah, Liyana, Mardhiya, dan ustazah Mariam (dan juga mereka-mereka yang tidak ana sebutkan namanya di sini) yang mana mereka adalah insan yang telah banyak berkorban untuk AhlulquranPTS."

tak, ustazah, ana tak banyak berkorban untuk ahlulquran..

ana gagal untuk infaqkan sebaiknya masa dan tenaga untuk ahlulquran..

ana rasa seperti seorang hipokrit bila membaca tulisan ustazah tu..

hati ni menangis, mengenangkan diri yang tak bersungguh-sungguh melaksanakan amanah..

tak, ana tak layak untuk disenaraikan bersama barisan akhawat yang telah lebih banyak berkorban, menyumbang, dan berusaha untuk menghidupkan ahlulquran..

dan ini bukan ungkapan yang mengikut emosi semata-mata..

"Orang yang ikhlas ialah orang yang menyembunyikan kebaikannya sebagaimana ia menyembunyikan kejahatannya."
sms from kak hafizah NI, 18 feb 2008

terima kasih kak..!

thinking of the meaning of it.. trying to reflect.

how i'd like to become like (just) that.

*************

a senior once said, "... tawadhu' tu kena tempat boleh?"

ok, saya paham yang ianya bukan satu statement serius.... was i hurt when i heard (or shall i say, saw it appear on the pc screen) that?

hmmm... im not sure. maybe not. how about now? not so sure, either.

im thinking now.. tawadhu' tu kena bertempat eh? tak boleh all the time? kan hati ni kena dijaga selalu. kalau boleh, tak nak bagi timbul ape2 perasaan mazmumah. awak ingat pujian tu tak berbekas dlm hati seseorang, walau pujian tu sepintas lalu? ikhlas, tak ikhlas, si penerima telah pun mendengarnya. and awak ingat ape? senang nk imbangi the thin line between jadi rendah diri dgn bangga diri? awak pikir senang ke nak mujahadah? hati manusia ni sensitif.

hmmmm... that senior also said, "shuttup la liyana.."

saya tahu ianya satu gurauan. tapi terperanjat jugak sebab dengan selamba dia boleh kata gitu. hmmm... alangkah baiknya jika dia dapat memperbaiki lagi cara mu'amalahnya dengan perempuan, baik face-to-face atau chat atau sebagainya.

**************

saya nak jadi tawadhu' tak kira masa tak kira tempat, boleh tak?
saya nak jadi ikhlas, boleh tak?
klw saya nak sembunyikan kebaikan saya, awak boleh tolong jangan heboh2kan?
klw saya cakap, "oh.. i didnt do much.." boleh tak awak berikan respon yang dapat membina jiwa muslim, dapat membantu saya bentuk peribadi muslim (for example, encourage me to be tawadhu' consistently, or a reminder about sifat tawadhu', jadi saya semakin suka nak merendah diri)?
hmmm... saya pon nak jadi seorang yang zuhud 'aniddunya, boleh tak?

susah kan?

hmmmm... kena mujahadah ni..

lagi satu, "merendah diri" kat sini bukanlah bermaksud 'tunduk kepala.. tak nak cakap dgn orang.. tak voice out opinion.. segan2 nak contribute.. and whatnot'.. awak semua terpelajar kan? jadi, saya harap awak faham konsep tawadhu'/rendah diri yang saya tulis kat sini.

sekian, terima kasih =)

not in the pattern team, ey..

"Erm.. No.. Dis yr our batch only me, janice n yanning going for pattern team.."

"Okay. So, no reserve member?"

"Nope.. Coz the other focusing on sparring.. Yup.. N u haf missed training for too long oredi.."

"Yup.. I agree to that. Thanks for telling me, ------. And im glad that i asked, coz if not, i may not have taken é hint n may be in the dark all é time. I truly appreciate ur honesty. All é best to you girls! Make us proud yea! =)"

"Okie.. Thanks a lot.. Sry to keep you waiting.. N all the best for your sparring too."

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

on a more positive note, you may want to check these videos out. some impressive taekwondo moves.. *make me wish i can do that!*

taekwondo KO


taekwondo best knockouts *main kepala ke per*


taekwondo super kick vol. 1 *it's all about stamina and speed~*


taekwondo super kick vol. 2 *it's about instinct and agility, people!*


definition: inside look - taekwondo WTF world championship #1 *perasan ada muslimah pakai tudung tak? fuyo~ salute! salute! oh.. ade budak2 jugak. they do pattern ah.. takkan nak lawan kot.*


definition: inside look - taekwondo WTF world championship #2 *this is for those of you who want to know how the sparring competition works*


click here to watch 2006 world poosae (pattern) competition female 14-18yrs old individual bronze, silver n gold medallists.

click here for another pattern competition, female, group category. i like the 2nd pattern from the gold medallists.

hmmm...

ayah tak izinkan gi usrah esok. sebabnya: it's at night. 'nanti liyana balik pukul 11 malam..'

bila tanya ayah tu, i said, 'klw tak boleh, ayah cakap je.' sebab ayah ni suka cakap panjang2 dulu.. tak straight to the point.. tapi selalunya, dari body language dan cakapnya yang panjang tu, boleh diketahui samada ayah redha ke tak. and i usually say, 'klw ayah tak kasi/klw tak boleh, pon takpe'.

i mentioned, 'tajuknya: understanding the mind of terrorists' and beri detailnye sekali: kat rumah bro ishak from NYPMS, kat hougang, dekat dgn masjid Istiqamah, anjuran Nur Ikhwan, selalunya usrah dgn sisters je, tapi this time mixed..

ok, so, when i got the red light, i added, 'sebenarnya ade dua event, tapi liyana tanye satu je.' then i told him about Sapphite. 'Sapphite tu Saff Appreciation Tea untuk Saff volunteers' and i gave the detail.

'tu ok.. sebab siang..... balik siang-sianglah..'

alhamdulillah~ ^_^

sebenarnya, i prefer going to usrah dari appreciation tea tu. lebih bermanfaat ye tak? plus, siang-siang me dah imbang2kan untuk tak gi event tu. mcm tak layak plak nak gi. tak kenal sgt most of the people there nanti..

tapi, takpe. pastinya ada sesuatu yang baik yang boleh me bawak balik, insha Allah~

clips from the kite runner

'For you a thousand times over!'



'The Kite Gift'


fyi: in the book, hassan got something else for his birthday, not a kite.


'There is a way to be good again.'



'I don't want to forget anymore.'


and sami yusuf's Supplication is the background music for the scene below. i was pleasantly suprised when i heard it, coz it is like a sort of international recognition.. plus, the lyrics are meaningful, fit into the scene nicely.. i hope at least someone out there will be touched by them.

Oxford, oh~ Oxford!

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Saya berasal dari Kuala Lumpur, sekarang mengaji di University of Oxford dalam bidang Perundangan, insya-Allah tamat pengajian Jun 2009. Sebelum ini, saya berjuang bersama-sama Shafie, Izwan, Faris, dan lain-lain di Kolej Yayasan UEM, dua tahun yang penuh nikmat dan pengajarannya.



Mitos
Oxford memang banyak mitosnya, dan salah satu mitos yang perlu dihapuskan serta-merta ialah tanggapan bahawa lebih susah untuk mendapat tempat di Oxford berbanding dengan Cambridge. Sama sahaja sebenarnya – masalahnya, oleh sebab jauh lebih ramai pelajar memilih untuk memohon tempat di Cambridge, maka tak hairanlah terdapatnya lebih ramai pelajar Malaysia di Cambridge berbanding dengan Oxford! Kalau dah berazam nak datang, jangan hiraukan statistiknya – pohon sahaja, dan tawakal kepada Allah.

Sistem Pengajian
Dari segi pembelajaran, semestinya Oxford memberikan suasana dan taraf pembelajaran yang memang susah untuk ditandingi. Sebagai seorang pelajar perundangan di Oxford, setiap minggu, saya diberikan senarai kes-kes dan artikel untuk dibaca - amnya, setiap senarai akan mengambil masa lebih kurang 30 jam untuk dihabiskan. Kami cuba mengurangkan penggunaan buku teks, dan menggunakan bahan asal, iaitu kes dan jurnal, supaya kami tidak terlalu dipengaruhi oleh pendapat penulis-penulis buku teks, dan lebih bebas untuk membuat kesimpulan kami sendiri. Selepas habis membaca bahan untuk suatu minggu itu, dan betul-betul memahaminya, kami akan menulis karangan yang telah ditetapkan untuk minggu tersebut. Selalunya, karangan ini akan membolehkan kami menyuarakan pendapat dan kesimpulan kami sendiri tentang satu isu yang penting berkaitan topik yang dipelajari pada minggu itu.

Setiap minggu, akan ada perbincangan dengan guru – selalunya lebih kurang sejam, dan biasanya dengan seorang lagi pelajar, ataupun seorang diri dengan guru. Dalam perbincangan inilah idea-idea dan kesimpulan yang telah kami dapat setelah membaca bahan yang disarankan dapat disalurkan, dibahaskan, dan diuji keutuhannya, sehinggalah guru pasti bahawa kami telah betul-betul memahami topik untuk minggu tersebut. Memang menarik, memang seronok, dan amatlah memberangsangkan – selagi kami ada kes ataupun artikel dan hujah yang logik, walaupun guru mungkin tidak bersetuju dengan kesimpulan kami, tetapi masih lagi diterima – begitulah kebebasan yang diberi untuk berfikir. Inilah aspek yang paling menarik tentang pembelajaran di Oxford – kami dihumbankan ke dalam kegelapan, dan diberi pelita dalam bentuk pembacaan dan perbincangan mingguan, tetapi jalan yang akan kami ambil, dan destinasi yang akan kami sampai, bebas untuk kami carikan sendiri.

Islam di Oxford
Salah seorang ulama yang terulung di Oxford, Sheikh Afifi-al Akiti, pernah menyifatkan pengajian di Oxford sebagai meneruskan tradisi pengajian yang dipelopori oleh madrasah-madrasah Islam yang ulung pada zaman kegemilangan Islam. Bayangkan, dalam setiap satu daripada 39 kolej di Oxford, dikumpulkan sarjana-sarjana dari pelbagai bidang, dan pelajar yang datang untuk menuntut pelbagai bidang juga, dan dalam suasana ini, dibolehkan perbincangan, perdebatan, dan perkongsian antara manusia yang berbagai-bagai bidang dan pengalamannya – inilah keunikan Oxford, dan salah satu sebab utama untuk anda memilih untuk meneruskan pengajian di sini.



Oxford sememangnya diberikan baraqah dari Allah s.w.t., dengan adanya sarjana-sarjana Islam yang bersama menegakkan keilmuan Islam di Oxford Centre of Islamic Studies. Pada satu masa dahulu, pusat ini merupakan bumbung untuk Orientalis – sekarang, gedung ilmu yang merupakan nikmat Allah untuk setiap pelajar Muslim. Bayangkan, perpustakaannya yang penuh dengan karya-karya terulung sarjana-sarjana Islam, ahli-ahlinya sibuk mendalami karya-karya Ibnu Taymiyyah, al-Ghazali, dan ramai
lagi, dalam usaha membawa keilmuan Islam yang tiada bandingannya untuk dunia yang teramatlah memerlukannya, bangunan baru yang tersergam indah, dengan masjid yang akan melaungkan azan merentas menara-menara Oxford buat pertama kalinya, insya-Allah, bermula awal 2008. Di sinilah menetapnya salah seorang ulama Malaysia yang paling berpotensi, seorang sarjana Islam yang penuh dengan ilmu dari zaman agung keilmuan Islam, yang dapat membawa tulisan Imam Syafie, Imam Nawawi, Al-Ghazali ke dalam kehidupan harian kita pada hari ini, dan mencari jawapan kepada persoalan-persoalan umat Islam pada hari ini tanpa meninggalkan ilmu yang telah dikumpulkan ulama-ulama sepanjang 1400 tahun perkembangan Islam – mahir dalam Bahasa Arab mahupun Latin, al-Ghazali mahupun Thomas Aquinas, seorang guru yang sentiasa tawaduk dan rendah diri, halus dan berbudi bahasa, bak kata pepatah, semakin berisi padi, semakin tunduknya ia.

Oxford University Islamic Society satu keluarga kedua – dari iftar setiap malam Ramadhan, ke solat Jumaat dan usrah setiap minggu, program-program untuk memperkenalkan Islam kepada sahabat-sahabat yang bukan Muslim, juga peringatan untuk mereka yang sudahpun Muslim. Oxford University Malaysia Club akan membantu dari hari pertama, satu jaringan pelajar baik-baik belaka, yang tidak pernah melepaskan kesempatan mengadakan majlis makan-makan, dan mengusahakan Malaysia Night setiap tahun. Abang-abang dan kakak-kakak pasca-ijazah, dengan tahlil dan tazkirah setiap tiga minggu, makanan Malaysia yang dapat mengurangkan sedikit rindu dan pilu, keluarga baru untuk bermesra dan bersalam-salaman pada Hari Raya di perantauan jauh, rumah terbuka untuk mengeratkan silaturrahim dan mengisi perut yang teringin makanan dari bumi sendiri. Dari segi masyarakat Malaysia dan Islam, janganlah risau buat sesaat pun.



Masa Lapang
Di luar masa akademik, memang tak akan habis pilihannya. Mungkin bekerja, tiga jam seminggu, menyediakan makanan untuk insan-insan yang tidak berumah? Mungkin berdiri, dua jam seminggu, di jalan yang paling sibuk di Oxford, berkempen untuk rakyat Palestin yang menderita? Mungkin memegang secawan teh setiap minggu, membincangkan diri, dunia, dan kehidupan di pejabat Oxford Muse? Menghadiri syarahan-syarahan perdana yang tidak pernah terhenti – pakar ekonomi, pakar perundangan, ahli politik, saintis-saintis, ulama dan sarjana – asalkan mencari, pasti dijumpa. Mengajar Bahasa Inggeris kepada anak pelarian dari negara yang menderita? Bermain badminton, skuasy, bola sepak, atau mungkin mengayuh? Asalkan ada kemahuan, di Oxford, pasti ada jalannya.

Bandar
Bandarnya teramatlah cantik – penuh dengan bangunan lama yang tersergam indah, diselitkan dengan taman-taman yang sentiasa membawa ucapan Subhanallah! ke lidah yang kagum dengan kebesaran ciptaan Allah s.w.t. Makanan halal tak perlu dirisaukan –
Nando’s yang halal, KFC yang halal, restoran-restoran India, empat kedai sandwic yang halal, kedai kebab setiap 500 m, restoran Itali yang halal pun ada! Dan kalau nak jimat, makanlah makanan vegetarian yang dihidangkan dalam kolej, ataupun masak sendiri pun boleh – lima penjual daging halal berniaga di Oxford, semuanya di jalan yang sama.

Saya rasa itulah, sedikit-sebanyak, yang boleh saya kongsi tentang Oxford University. Untuk seorang pelajar Muslim, saya rasa memang selesa dan betul-betul sesuai, jika hendak mengaji di sini. Jangan pedulikan mitos, jangan pedulikan suara-suara yang mengatakan bahawa untuk anda masuk Oxford itu mustahil – jika teringin mencuba, kuatkan azam, dapatkan ‘straight A’s’, sediakan diri untuk temuduga, dan berdoalah kepada Allah s.w.t., jika ditakdirkan anda sampai ke ‘the city of dreaming spires’, saya mengalu-alukan kedatangan anda. Kalau nak tahu lebih banyak tentang proses permohonan, kolej mana nak dipilih, dan hal-hal praktikal sedemikian, silalah hubungi saya.


Jika ada sebarang persoalan, hubungilah saya:

hizami.mohdiskandar@magd.ox.ac.uk

Insya-Allah, kita akan bertemu, pada satu masa dan tempat yang dipilih Allah s.w.t.

Wassalam,
Hizami

diambil dari http://www.iluvislam.com/v1/readarticle.php?article_id=634


hmm.... nak gi Oxford.. nak gi sangat..! tapi, saye bukan A student, apatahlagi straight A student.. :'( macam mane eh? ade harapan ke..? macam takde gitu.. perbelanjaannye pon, saye tak mampu.. alahai.. sedihnye saye pikirkan perkare ni..

restless

im restless because exams are looming nearer. TWO MORE WEEKS, my dear!

and also because i messed up few quizzes, a presentation, and my image as a student (remember ddct?)

and also because im having mixed feelings about going to tkd trainings. and this time, it's more prone to not going to training anymore.

let's see.. positive matters and happy news that i'd like to share with you:

1. went to kak hidayati n bro rizal's nikah ceremony at ba'alwie mosque last saturday. suker!!

btw, i think masjid ba'alwie is not so accessible. nasih baik gue follow my guts to alight from the bus. right at the last minute, tau! klw tidak.. haiz.. tak tahu lah berapa jauh the next bustop is! and i wonder if it has a place for muslimah yang ma'zurah to sit eh? i didnt know where to sit, so i sat at the edge of the muslimah praying corner, right at its entrance. and most of the time, i stood. hmm.. ape hukumnye eh? i know kalau lintas je boleh. tapi klw stood for more than 30 minutes (coz i wanted to watch the akad, and take pictures of the bride and groom)..?

ooohhh... and another thing i'd like to admit: i actually thought bro rizal dah kahwin. oopppss! betul.. mati2 ingatkan dia dah kahwin, and dah ade anak. huhu.. kak hidayati, if you ever read this post.. afwan sgt2! jgn ambil hati ye? i think i got the impression when i attended a particular meeting at saff centre. bro rizal was there, bro hafiz, bro mohksin, kak hidayati and kak aishah were there.. yup, could've been a vmd meet. waduh~ rasa bersalah sey.. =(

and... kak hidayati looked beautiful!! i think the make-up is nice (sorry for the lack of a better word).. i mean, it's not the mak-andam type. paham tak? plus, i dont usually comment on people's make-up ok? so, i really mean what i said.

2. im now taking arabic class.. with ustaz iskandar.. haa.. klw yang belajar kat wehdah dulu tahu lah siape dia.. or yang belajar kat tampines north cc. it feels really good to be learning arabic again - an arabic book, or sheet, in front of you, and you are busy putting the 'syakl' and scribbling the meaning of the words.

semalam, i went to masjid raudhah with kak aminah (from nypms). dia ajak gi kelas 'cara solat rasulullah s.a.w.' by ustaz hamzah jumat. gunekan buku 'sifatu solatinnabi' karangan syeikh nasiruddin albani.

bila masuk kelas tu, my eyes quickly laid upon few makciks yang pakai niqab (dalam hati: waahh~). that aside, the class is in english. bukan sahaja bapa2, pakcik2, abang2, makcik2 melayu yang ada, tetapi juga indians. klw chinese or caucasian or eurasian, takde kot.

and what i learnt from yesterday's class was that there are 6 ways of reciting tasyahhud.

3. semalam jugak, kakak datang rumah.. kakak nak tgk my tkd pics. fuyo, segan sey.. sebab i dont have a lot of pictures and takde apa yang nak ditunjuk pon. plus, bukannya me bagus sgt (though i didnt say it out loud). at last, tunjuk video pattern yang bersejarah tu (sebab mak dah mention that i have a video). embarrassed sey! kakak kata, liyana ni sajak jadi ustazah ke.. pensyarah ke.. hehe.. tergelak jugak bila kakak cakap camtu.. adelah lagi comment2 dia. ape-ape je lah, kakak ni! ditambah pula dgn komen ayah dgn mak. haiz~ padahal sebenarnya, takde ape yang perlu dibesar2kan.

4. im currently reading the kite runner. watched the movie already, online. mengusik jiwa, movie tu! of friendship, betrayal, undying loyalty.. of potrayal of the life in afghanistan. i watched with an objective mind ah.. regarding the potrayal of taliban and such. coz to me, these are just snippets of how afghanistan is, and how it was. it may not be entirely accurate, but definitely not a lie, but i accept it as something that could have been, and is, happening.

for you a thousand times over.. kecewa jugak coz character hassan takde mase dewasa.. cerita ni diceritakan seolah2 ianya kejadian sebenar.. and if the adult hassan was alive, and that he and amir were reunited at last, i would have cried!! letter yang hassan hantar kat amir pon mengharukan.

ok, friends! i strongly recommend you to read and watch the kite runner.

and yes, i find the visual representation of the book satisfying. worth it.




*inhale.. exhale..* looking forward to the chinese new year holiday~

gambar-gambar lama uh..

that's kak firza.. doing ermm... not sure, looking at the list of pax i think. nak print kot. anyway, im glad that i met her during RR'07!


starting from the one wearing pink tudung: kak idahyu, kak fadzillah, kak khairunnisa and kak khairunnisa. again, im thankful for these sisters ;)


from left: fadhilah, syazalyn and erny. huhu.. im not going to get bored saying this: im forever greatful to have met all the girls.. and for those whom i've already known before RR'07, to have got the chance to get to know them better *all smiles* indeed, this was one of the blessings from me being involved in RR'07..


tgh kemas barang2 kat dalam kotak, mainly badges and drawstring bags i think. fyi, those two things were the souvenirs for the participants.


the facis, representing the facis, who came for the post-mortem. yupz, they are discussing the matters to be raised during the session.


girls one side, the guys the other two sides..


haiz.. tak boleh angkat ah that i had to chair moderate the session. segan tau. segan!!! on a more positive note, the one yang pakai tudung dark purple is kak huda, my mentor. yesSah!!!


kak rufi (short for rufihaza) - i like her! turned out that she's my course senior kat TP.


ok, ni belum ready. ape-ape 'ntah~


dont have a better picture ah.. so, ni lah kita-kita yang hadir time post-mortem tu. ade jugak yang takde dlm gambar coz dah balik dulu. fyi, it was 11.15+ pm already =S

Exam timetable's out!

Yupz! 3 exam papers only.

BUT!

i still got tests, 2 of them i think, on the 18 feb week. =O

sepandai-pandai tupai melompat..

k, dah tiba masanya kau stop skipping lectures!

my ddct (drug development and clinical trials) lecturer knows i was absent from last friday's and today's lecture.

on top of that, i had failed to attend last thursday's prac project interview. i admit (i didnt admit to her lah.. nampak sah aku conteng arang kat muka sendiri!), it was my fault i didnt leave my house at 7.30am, instead, i left about 8am. one hour before my group's interview slot. cari pasal ke pe, liyana?! kau tau yang kau tak boleh make it if you go out at 8am. kau tau yang pastinya ada highway jam kat sengkang tu!

so yeah, there was a massive jam. one that even i didnt exactly anticipate - the bus was caught in it upon entering TPE. get it? at the entrance of TPE! imagine there and tampines interchange! how far can it get??!! and it was around 8.30 +/- am. so i had to sms my groupmate that i wouldnt be able to make it on time, and was likely to miss the interview. finally.. i reached tampines around 9.50 +/- am. lama kan? and dont think i wasnt upset.

ok, back to me and my lecturer:

so just now, after tutorial, i apologised to her (i had apologised to her on that interview day, but the time wasnt right - she was rushing to take attendance of the next group). she asked me why i was late. i said there was a massive jam. was there an accident? no, i didnt see an accident. i remember seeing on the 'noticeboard' that there was 'massive jam at pasir ris dr 12'.

and then, she confronted me, about my missing lectures. like, baru sekarang nak datang mintak maaf, when you got friday and today. yet, you were absent on both days. (she didnt say that exactly lah..) wah, dalam hati: camne dia tahu..? i was taken aback, alright. i could only say, yes, it was my mistake.

one student, she was on mc, and she's done the interview on friday.. (like, i got no valid excuse and i even missed lecture or didnt take the initiative to see her on friday or earlier today.. bad girl, me!) i could've been more lenient... what do you think i should do? i could mark you as absent (for that interview) and give you zero..

in my head, a sentence was forming: i am ready to accept the appropriate punishment..

then, she started to arrange with me the time i could take the interview.. this thursday.

finally, i said, thank you.. for your patience. i couldnt come up with a better word. patience?? still thinking of a more accurate, appropriate word.

she just smiled. i couldnt interpret what she was thinking.

i think, im on the verge of becoming a black-listed student in her book. better buck up, liyana~ you shouldnt miss any more lectures!

by the way, it turns out that students have to sign their attendance for ddct lectures. this procedure started last friday. oh.. kay.. *sedih jugak sbb takde orang beritahu.. tapi salahkan diri sendiri ah..*

of all things >-<

her friend says: ante tenggah istihara tentang apa ada org meresik ke
she says: hehe.... i wish!
she says: hehe
she says: tak ah
she says: istikharah ni boleh untuk mcm2 benda kan...
she says: so it's not about ade orang merisik
she says: huhu~
her friend says: yelah tau usik je mana tau kan
her friend says: kawan kita nikah dulu
she says: hehehe
she says: boleh jadi
she says: amiin~~
she says: hehehehehe
her friend says: ish ada org Tak sabar tu
she says: ape jek!
her friend says: seboK eh, if u busy Tak Yah reply continue ur work
she says: sebenarnye, kite tgh tgk cerita 'the craft'
her friend says: dah dia cakap boleh jugak dan amin kan sekali macam Tak sabar gitu
she says: hahahahaha
she says: boleh sabar...
she says: byk perkara perlu dibereskan sebelum kite nak masuk gerbang pernikahan
her friend says: memang ah tu sebab pernikahan walaupon hati inginkanyA tapi ana belum sampai menjadi wanita soleha impian ana. supayA tidak menjadi beban atau fitnah utk suami meneruskan jihad mereka
she says: huhu... wah~ berfalsafah sey~
her friend says: malu kita mana ada seorg yg banYak kekurangan
her friend says: masih mencari redaNYA dan cuba menjadi lebih baik
her friend says: insyAllah ia akan menjadi kenYataan tahun ini
her friend says: k ah... ana penat baru balik sebenarnYa bila nampak personal msg ante tu yg tertarik nak tegur
her friend says: assalamu alaikum wrb
her friend says: tc ana tido dulu ye
she says: okay
she says: ws

I wanna be Better!

there's a friendly match with NUS at NUS tomorrow. im thinking of going. hmmm...

and i managed to drag my lazy feet to tuesday's training -

my first time sparring after soo many months.

for your information, we cannot wear spectacles during sparring. not are we allowed earrings, studs, necklace, bracelet, hairpins and rings.. as for hairband, girls are encouraged to use a 'soft' one.

and to tell you the truth, not wearing specs during sparring really makes me insecure. like, i cant see enough. my vision now is worse than months ago. and with the IVP coming in march, i expect my vision to be worse, if not the same, as today.

but... i dont want to wear contact lenses.. scares me, man! eye infection, fungus and whatnots. plus, i only intend to wear them when i spar.. so for the rest of the days or weeks or months, the contact lens box is gonna lay somewhere among my stuff, alone, collecting dust! oh, poor thing..

-self-reflection mode-

i found myself getting lazier and lazier to attend trainings. in the graph depicting my attendance in 1st year and 2nd year, it shows a steep line going downwards.. and it's not rising back up, yet.

questioning myself, why arent you excited about tkd anymore? werent you the one who says that it is a platform to keep yourself fit, coz if not, you dont see yourself exercising those hands and legs?

ironically, when i successfully pushed myself to training, i felt good. good to be back. good to be 'revising' or improving this and that. i especially like it if that day got not so many people. yet, at the same time, i felt particularly frustrated and helpless (and blaming myself) if my kicks/posture are wrong, definitely way below my belt level.

well, that's because you skip training so much, liyana! and that is why your skills are like that!

so, isnt it time for you to buck up? dont you wanna learn the proper way? dont you wanna be good at it? you need practice, more of them! you know you do! and if you are so lazy to do anything about it, why dont you just quit?!

but i dont want to quit. another half of me wants to, though. (because of some reasons. maybe i'll share with you one day.)

for now, im hanging on. i think what is motivating me is the team temasek jacket. i want my jacket back! well, not that i'll be getting the exact same jacket that i wore last year.

you see, there's 'Temasek Polytechnic' sewn at the back of the jacket. unfortunately, it didnt occur to me to check the jacket thoroughly when i collected it. days (or few weeks, i think) after the competition, i returned it to the tkd captain. so that he can help me exchange for a new one. but he never did. hmmm... sabar je.. sabar je.. so now, im still waiting.

this year's IVP is on the 1st and 2nd of march. and my team still hasnt practised much on our pattern. and as for myself, im soooo not ready for sparring competition. arghh..! seram sangat2! i cant do back-thrust spontaneously. no confidence, mah~

yup. that's why im lacking: confidence; since i dont have enough practice, as compared to my tkd mates.

confidence is very important in any sports. and you dont just obtain it anywhere, anytime. after you got the skills, and after you use that skills, then you gain it.

hmmm... oh ya, i missed the january 6th grading. not enough time to practise the grading pattern, plus i was sick. haiz~~ hopefully, i can make it for the april one.

here's the pattern that my team is doing:

below is NTU team doing 'chil-jang' at the IVP NTU Open (pattern) 2006. they're damn goOd! what you're gonna see is an example of excellent execution - powerful, strong, and the same time, smooth~

Menghafal Quran ni sama ada mendapat Syafaat atau Laknat.. *

*guLP*

Ya Allah.. Masukkanlah kami dalam golongan orang-orang yang beruntung..

"Kemudian Kitab itu Kami wariskan kepada orang-orang yang
Kami pilih di antara hamba-hamba Kami, lalu di antara mereka ada yang mengania-
ya diri mereka sendiri dan di antara mereka ada yang pertengahan dan diantara
mereka ada (pula) yang lebih dahulu berbuat kebaikan dengan izin Allah. Yang
demikian itu adalah karunia yang amat besar. "

surah Faathir: 32 **

*dipetik daripada kata-kata Kowries 0706 dalam artikel 'Kisah Histeria di Pusat Tahfiz' bertarikh 2 Januari 2008. http://www.iluvislam.com/v1/readarticle.php?article_id=822

** Yang dimaksud dengan "orang yang menganiaya dirinya sendiri" ialah orang yang lebih banyak kesalahannya daripada kebaikannya, dan "pertengahan" ialah orang-orang yang kebaikannya berbanding dengan kesalahannya, sedang yang dimaksud dengan "orang-orang yang lebih dahulu dalam berbuat kebaikan" ialah orang-orang yang kebaikannya amat banyak dan amat jarang berbuat kesalahan.

i miss talking about religion. or about issues.. regarding life, current affairs, society, religious practices, philosophy, environment, nature, the future, history.

i miss indulging myself with ilmu. you know what i mean? ilmu, ilmu, ilmu!

i know damn well that what i learn in sch is ilmu, but no, no... what i really miss is ilmu agama.. belajar something for the sake for belajar something. ilmu that im familiar with.. more depth.. more width..

ilmu that can widen my perspective, stretch my mind, teach me to be more wise..

i need some scholarly discussions.. more of them. urgh!

and im really really grateful there's usrah. with my NI mates, and thfz mates.. although i missed two recent ones, 1 NI, 1 thfz..

now, usrahs and majlis ilmu (however informal, with my friends) seem more important than whatever trainings and ALPs. yupz.

Munajat oleh Rabbani

Tuhan
Kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan
Pengharapan

Tuhan
Kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan
Pengharapan

Tuhan
Kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan

Bisikanku untuk-Mu
Munajatku mohon restu
Semoga cintaku bukan palsu
Pada desiran penuh syahdu
Gelombang lautan rinduku

Tuhan
Kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan
Pengharapan

Tuhan
Kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan

Munajatku dalam syahdu
Merindui maghfirah Mu
Mardhiah Mu dalam restu
Harapan tulusnya hatiku

Ku rindukan pimpinan Mu
Keagungan Mu dalam doaku
Kebesaran pada qudrat Mu
Ia membina ruhaniku

Tuhan
Kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan
Pengharapan

Tuhan
Kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan

Ujian kepahitan
Di dalam perjuangan
Padanya ada kemanisan
Ketenangan dan kebahagiaan
Padanya syurga idaman

Munajatku dalam syahdu
Merindui Maghfirah Mu
Mardhiah Mu dalam restu
Harapan tulusnya hatiku

Kurindukan pimpinan Mu
Keagungan Mu dalam doaku
Kebesaran pada Qudrat Mu
Ia membina ruhaniku

Tuhan
Kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan
Pengharapan

Tuhan
Kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan

i asked her about solat taqwiyatul hifz - is there a dalil for it?

she answered me in arabic, and immediately i realised she wasnt answering my question directly; she was telling me something else.

she knows.

"cara menguatkan hafalan...... sebenarnya... orang yang menghafal quran.... tak
boleh buat maksiat... sebab ilmu tu cahaya.. cahaya Allah tu tak diberikan pada
orang-orang maksiat.. penting bagi orang yang menghafal al-Quran buat solat
taubah.... lazimkan..."

that's more or less the gist of it, that i can remember.

i was suddenly solemn. another sign.

terkedu. but i wasnt in the right place and moment to reveal my feelings. tahan dulu k?

now, i can think and reflect.

it's still on my mind.

thank you, for the naseehah.. and thank You, for thru this incident i know You love me..

childhood songs

i'd like to start with nasyid.

ingat dulu2... (below 7 year oldnye memory ah.. so, quite fade) time arqam, me dgr nasyid2 by nadamurni and other kumpulan2 nasyid yang ditubuhkan under arqam.. ade yang 'ummiku sayang' album tu - i finally found out that they're called Soutus Sofwa (but i dunno if tu nama yang original atau nama baru selepas pembubaran arqam).

dulu2 tu, kite dgr kaset ah... sedap2 jugak lagunye. most of the cassettes dah tak tahu ke mana.. but few, me tak tahu camne nak dgr sbb the hi-fi system is faulty (which has the cassette player).

so, bila ada imeem ni, me tercari2 lagu2 lama yang pernah me dgr dulu..

ade satu lagu.. dlm album 'ummiku sayang'.. (there are others: dengarlah sayang, adik-adikku sayang) i really dont know sape or tajuk ape.. tapi liriknye asyik terngiang2.

selamat tinggal ayah dan ibu.. izinkan kami pergi dahulu.. mengharap restu juga do'amu.. kami pergi mencari ilmu..



=)

lagu from nadamurni:




and i think, the first moment that triggered back my 'memory of songs' was during a Saff 'R Us session kat perdaus hong kah. mase tu, tgh ade group discussion, then one of the brothers bukak satu lagu ni on his laptop. bila dgr je, terus hati ni berbisik, "eh! lagu tu! i had listened to it long time ago..!" mcm curious giler nak tahu sape nyanyi, tajuk lagu, mane nak dapatkan lagu tu..

when i asked the bro, lagu2 yang dia hantar salah uh.. tapi takpe, that was when i discovered 'selawat atasmu' by nowseeheart, and 'sa'ir' by, tak tahu sape.

i only know it starts with 'solla alaikallahu ya adnani' - tapi kan ade byk versi..

cari punye cari.. i found http://www.downloadnasyid.blogspot.com/ it was some time (a loOng time for me tho') before i found album 'untukmu rasulullah'.

i have satu cd 'untukmu rasulullah'.. tapi nombor 2 nye.. lagu tu dan beberape lagi lagu (yang pasti me recognise) ade kat cd nombor 1.

so.... click, click, click on the songs kat album tu, akhirnya:



oh, another nasyid that i had been painstakingly searching:





(to be continued)

lemme just ramble on...!!

k, i've LOTs to say... maklumlah, berminggu2 tak update kan... so, terpendam je kat pikiran ni..

TERM TESTS ARE OVER...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya Allah.... betapa leganya hati ni~ rasenye, this is the greatest relief ever since i entered year 2. imagine that!

it wasn't a sweet ending, as usual.. nevertheless, knowing that tomorrow's the start of term break (albeit 3 projects at hand).. is hart-warming!

and... i dare to say that i did put quite an effort this week. alhamdulillah.. terima kasih Tuhan..! although... my spirits were going down, down, down as the last day of test (that is today) loomed.. susah betul nak maintain semangat kite untuk belajar kan? haa... sebab tu lah my last paper tak alright sgt.. sebab start belajar pukul 11pm+ the night before.. tu pon tak concentrate and info tak masuk sgt, sbb dah ngantuk. and, esok paginya baru sambung.. and my cpu agak slow (coz of the semangat turon and the distraction 'cepat lah habis..!!!')..

looking on the bright side, i was able to do bpharm calculations!!!!

oh yeah, have i ever told you that i find calculations hard? i cringe whenever there's calculations question.. dari first year sampai sekarang. yup, most of the time i dont understand the question.. and i dunno how to start solving the problem. hmm.. i wonder where my math power has gone to. *need more practice*

next!

aqila dapat 217 for her PSLE!! marha~ marha!! best kan? the highest kat sekolahnye (madr aljunied) is 240. dua orang. dua2 perempuan. gO GiRLsss~!!

and then, suddenly i thought.. "hmm... klw dulu aku ambil PSLE.. rasanye aku dapat berapa eh..?" talk about what if's!

another good news.. although agak terlambat is.... kamaliah got 3rd in her class!! yeSsA~ i know i've said this, but let me say it again: im PROUD of you, mate! *flashing my big toothy smile*

cerita lain:

1. i just discovered this website: http://www.iluvislam.com/ yesterday.. check it out gals! it was created by muslim lads from malaysia. and what's impressive that they, and their comm members, are students in overseas university!! muslims + malay + malaysia + europe + university =
future muslim intellectuals, insha Allah!!

oh, and what you get there:

Di sini anda berpeluang untuk menikmati pelbagai hiburan alternatif, info
universiti, koleksi artikel seantero dunia, perbincangan ilmiah, video islamik,
tv streaming, politik, perubatan dan kesihatan, cinta dan remaja, dakwah dan
jemaah, nama-nama anak anda, soal-jawab ustaz, ...dan banyak lagi!!

2. i was given the opportunity to help a sis mend a booth at masjid an-na'eem family carnival on 2 dec 2007. this sister is the woman behind http://www.nour.sg/ (promo ni!) and mewah apparel (located somewhere in bukit batok).. k, yang me betul2 nak promote ni is her designing service for customised badges, corporate stationeries, shirts (dry-fit), posters, etc etc etc.

and fyi, she was the main designer for Ramadhan Rocks 2007. yeah!

so, i know her from there. sehari sebelum RR'07 baru dapat bertemu 4 mata (or shall i say, 8? coz both of us wear specs. heh.) dgn Kak Hairani. your hard work is very much appreciated kak! =)

k, actually, what i want to share is....

remember i said i hadnt bought myself a gift in one of the previous posts?

pada hari tu lah, i got myself the Ultimate Birthday Gifts (macam betOl je ehh..). nak tahu ape? oh, lain kali kite cerita k? i want to post the pictures here too.. buat kenangan. *nak ambil gmbr then upload, tu yang leceh uh*

3. i've found some nostalgic songs.. you know, the songs that you heard/listened to when you're a kid. then you never heard it again.. but somehow, that memory is in the back of your head, and quite suddenly, one day, the rhythm just pops up, and you find yourself humming the tune, and if more lucky, some bits of the lyrics. but! you forgot what the song title is.. or who the singer is..

so, thanks to http://www.imeem.com/, i was able to retrieve these memories back!

amazing how 'playing music on your web' has evolved! just few years ago, i had wasted time and energy finding the html code to put song(s) in my blog.. even more ma fan if you have to 'upload' (i dunno what's the best word) the song of choice, like, manually, coz it wasnt available in any music codes sites. or even find the html for the music player.

now, everything's easy. the websites are there (music hosting webbies, eh? multiply.. flashfetish..).. all you have to do is upload the music (or just find it, like at imeem) and copy and paste the code. and voila!

videos also... youtube.. veoh.. haiz~ teringat dulu.. sedangkan nak letak lagu punyelah seksa, apatah lagi videos!

4. recently, i've been to 2 weddings.. got to see different perspectives... coming up, this sunday, my alsagoff senior, mariam hashim, is getting married!!

hmm... majlis2 nikah ni made me thinking, plus daydreaming, about my own wedding, calon suami (oops!).. hidup sebagai isteri.. bernikah muda.. even nama anak. what i prefer and what i dont. AND, the ultimate question whether i will live long enough to even get engaged. hah!

k, cakap pasal nama...

5. Mujahid ---- sedapkan bunyinya? with huruf 'jim' and 'ha' yang tebal.. bila sebut word tu.. seolah2 terlambang keteguhan, kesungguhan.. i had come to realise the depth of the word 'mujahadah' only this year.. around ramadhan.. when i reflected back on all the tribulations, emotional, spiritual, that i am facing.. and the word 'mujahid' appealed to me.

and kebetulan, masa hari raya yang baru lepas ni, i found out that my anak sedara (who's 21 years old) namanye muhammad mujahid. wow!

but i prefer simply, Mujahid.

another word that has been on my mind for quite some time is 'Dzulkifli'. yes, i prefer it spelled with 'dz'. sebutan kena tepat! i had thought of that name/word when i reflected on my personality. sometimes, i noticed that i was/is a 'pak sanggup'.. sanggup gi jauh to send a form to a friend, sanggup tunggu lama2, sanggup buat itu ini when nobody else did.. hmm... why did i go to the extra mile eh? kenapa menyusahkan diri eh? i remember my dad mentioned this behaviour of mine to me.. tak ingat lah bila.. but it kinda stuck in my head.

and i was reminded of makna 'Dzulkifli' dalam buku cerita kanak2 25 rasul (tak pasti colour biru atau bijau punye)... 'yang mempunyai kesanggupan'..

anyway,

Raihan and 'Ibaadurrahmaan' pon mcm sedap eh nama? tapi im not sure of the latter's meaning ah.. 'ibad tu, is it 'worshipper' or 'worshipping'..

klw nama perempuan plak.. hmm... belum dapat inspirasi..

6. it's been a long time since i write a sensible, mature post about issues. serious stuff.

hmm.. maybe it's my lack of knowledge. but more possibly, because expressing myself and my opinions in writing isn't my strength.

and yes... it's been a long time since i read something substantial. masuk internet, baca blog orang.. suratkhabar pon, BH je.. but not-so-heavy news je..

haiz~~ apa nak jadi! gotta change, gottachange gottachange~~




ape lagi nak share eh?

oh, another webbie: http://www.islamicevents.sg/ where events/talks/seminars/classes are advertised. it's new.. so spread about it k? so more people will know about this wonderful service the web creators offer!

let's support the efforts by our brothers and sisters! with the IT knowledge that we have.. must utilise it optimally for da'wah, and for the ummah!

Sabar di Hati

&

Syukur pada Wajah

1615hrs

my sister bought Indulge's tiramisu for me... that's very thoughtful of her.. thanks, aqila!

i had never tried tiramisu before... and i had been eyeing, sort of, the tiramisu from Indulge since the shop opened few years ago. lama eh? tak mampu ah... plus, tak sampai hati nak keluarkan duit to buy a small thing (in this case, food) at a price at which i can buy 2 muffins instead.

so, when i opened the fridge last night, and then, opened the box.. ooh! it's tiramisu~~

anyway, other than that, she bought my fav 'sweets' ah basically.. 2 pastries from Indulge, and chocolate fudge slice and peanut butter waffle from Prima Deli. *suker, suker, suker!*


and thank you, for those who wished me...

hmmm...

i'd like to think that i shouldnt expect anything.
and thus, i dont expect anything.
kena didik diri ah..
coz it's just one of the many days.
so there's no need for anyone to remember.
even myself, to an extreme extend.

nevertheless, i've yet to buy you anything..
just a du'a with the deepest hopes, and earnest feelings..
yang penting, you're happy k?
be strong, girlfriend!
^_____^