what a day TODAY was!! (huh??)

i have a confession to make: sometimes i HATE ust ratna, i HATE the way my school is, i HATE my friends, i HATE my responsibility - present n future, i HATE prisma, i HATE the members, i HATE the fact that my plans dont work, i HATE the feeling of embarrassment n giving up..bcoz of the neglected n rejected plans, i HATE my family, i HATE myself, i HATE my life..but then, i must not hate these things..i must accept them..be a good girl..learn to like, love, cope, with these things..bla..bla..bla..

i was at my worst today..i've been a bit sensitive lately..on everage, i cry every 8 or 9 days..one small factor can make me all tense up..stressed..tired..mind blurred..cry..n the factor isnt A factor anymore..lots of things n thoughts, being kept at the back of my head, jump out again..jumbled together..making me more frustrated n confused..i just want it to stop..all the flow..im tired of thinking.. a lot of thinking..too much..so, today's catalyst was the prisma's so-called proposal to do an activity for the 'loiterers' n 'extras' at the national day celebration-cum-sports day tomorrow..it was rejected..i guess it was a bit fine to me..but the one that hit me most.......i cant explain..i dunno how to explain..not sure..u might get the wrong idea..or I might give the wrong expression..hmm..it's in my head..but it refuses to come out..dunno..dunno..dunno..hah! another thing that makes my tears swell up (???) is when i cannot let my thoughts n feelings out while the space in my head, mind, heart has become sooo tight, airless..n yet i cannot exhale the burden..so, that's why i wont tell people my dilemmas n deep thoughts, even if i have many of them..coz i cannot explain it through words..

the story is too long..perhaps some of you might've seen my eyes at school around 2 pm..nvm..im alright..but..have i told you that im sick in the head??