Oxford, oh~ Oxford!

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Saya berasal dari Kuala Lumpur, sekarang mengaji di University of Oxford dalam bidang Perundangan, insya-Allah tamat pengajian Jun 2009. Sebelum ini, saya berjuang bersama-sama Shafie, Izwan, Faris, dan lain-lain di Kolej Yayasan UEM, dua tahun yang penuh nikmat dan pengajarannya.



Mitos
Oxford memang banyak mitosnya, dan salah satu mitos yang perlu dihapuskan serta-merta ialah tanggapan bahawa lebih susah untuk mendapat tempat di Oxford berbanding dengan Cambridge. Sama sahaja sebenarnya – masalahnya, oleh sebab jauh lebih ramai pelajar memilih untuk memohon tempat di Cambridge, maka tak hairanlah terdapatnya lebih ramai pelajar Malaysia di Cambridge berbanding dengan Oxford! Kalau dah berazam nak datang, jangan hiraukan statistiknya – pohon sahaja, dan tawakal kepada Allah.

Sistem Pengajian
Dari segi pembelajaran, semestinya Oxford memberikan suasana dan taraf pembelajaran yang memang susah untuk ditandingi. Sebagai seorang pelajar perundangan di Oxford, setiap minggu, saya diberikan senarai kes-kes dan artikel untuk dibaca - amnya, setiap senarai akan mengambil masa lebih kurang 30 jam untuk dihabiskan. Kami cuba mengurangkan penggunaan buku teks, dan menggunakan bahan asal, iaitu kes dan jurnal, supaya kami tidak terlalu dipengaruhi oleh pendapat penulis-penulis buku teks, dan lebih bebas untuk membuat kesimpulan kami sendiri. Selepas habis membaca bahan untuk suatu minggu itu, dan betul-betul memahaminya, kami akan menulis karangan yang telah ditetapkan untuk minggu tersebut. Selalunya, karangan ini akan membolehkan kami menyuarakan pendapat dan kesimpulan kami sendiri tentang satu isu yang penting berkaitan topik yang dipelajari pada minggu itu.

Setiap minggu, akan ada perbincangan dengan guru – selalunya lebih kurang sejam, dan biasanya dengan seorang lagi pelajar, ataupun seorang diri dengan guru. Dalam perbincangan inilah idea-idea dan kesimpulan yang telah kami dapat setelah membaca bahan yang disarankan dapat disalurkan, dibahaskan, dan diuji keutuhannya, sehinggalah guru pasti bahawa kami telah betul-betul memahami topik untuk minggu tersebut. Memang menarik, memang seronok, dan amatlah memberangsangkan – selagi kami ada kes ataupun artikel dan hujah yang logik, walaupun guru mungkin tidak bersetuju dengan kesimpulan kami, tetapi masih lagi diterima – begitulah kebebasan yang diberi untuk berfikir. Inilah aspek yang paling menarik tentang pembelajaran di Oxford – kami dihumbankan ke dalam kegelapan, dan diberi pelita dalam bentuk pembacaan dan perbincangan mingguan, tetapi jalan yang akan kami ambil, dan destinasi yang akan kami sampai, bebas untuk kami carikan sendiri.

Islam di Oxford
Salah seorang ulama yang terulung di Oxford, Sheikh Afifi-al Akiti, pernah menyifatkan pengajian di Oxford sebagai meneruskan tradisi pengajian yang dipelopori oleh madrasah-madrasah Islam yang ulung pada zaman kegemilangan Islam. Bayangkan, dalam setiap satu daripada 39 kolej di Oxford, dikumpulkan sarjana-sarjana dari pelbagai bidang, dan pelajar yang datang untuk menuntut pelbagai bidang juga, dan dalam suasana ini, dibolehkan perbincangan, perdebatan, dan perkongsian antara manusia yang berbagai-bagai bidang dan pengalamannya – inilah keunikan Oxford, dan salah satu sebab utama untuk anda memilih untuk meneruskan pengajian di sini.



Oxford sememangnya diberikan baraqah dari Allah s.w.t., dengan adanya sarjana-sarjana Islam yang bersama menegakkan keilmuan Islam di Oxford Centre of Islamic Studies. Pada satu masa dahulu, pusat ini merupakan bumbung untuk Orientalis – sekarang, gedung ilmu yang merupakan nikmat Allah untuk setiap pelajar Muslim. Bayangkan, perpustakaannya yang penuh dengan karya-karya terulung sarjana-sarjana Islam, ahli-ahlinya sibuk mendalami karya-karya Ibnu Taymiyyah, al-Ghazali, dan ramai
lagi, dalam usaha membawa keilmuan Islam yang tiada bandingannya untuk dunia yang teramatlah memerlukannya, bangunan baru yang tersergam indah, dengan masjid yang akan melaungkan azan merentas menara-menara Oxford buat pertama kalinya, insya-Allah, bermula awal 2008. Di sinilah menetapnya salah seorang ulama Malaysia yang paling berpotensi, seorang sarjana Islam yang penuh dengan ilmu dari zaman agung keilmuan Islam, yang dapat membawa tulisan Imam Syafie, Imam Nawawi, Al-Ghazali ke dalam kehidupan harian kita pada hari ini, dan mencari jawapan kepada persoalan-persoalan umat Islam pada hari ini tanpa meninggalkan ilmu yang telah dikumpulkan ulama-ulama sepanjang 1400 tahun perkembangan Islam – mahir dalam Bahasa Arab mahupun Latin, al-Ghazali mahupun Thomas Aquinas, seorang guru yang sentiasa tawaduk dan rendah diri, halus dan berbudi bahasa, bak kata pepatah, semakin berisi padi, semakin tunduknya ia.

Oxford University Islamic Society satu keluarga kedua – dari iftar setiap malam Ramadhan, ke solat Jumaat dan usrah setiap minggu, program-program untuk memperkenalkan Islam kepada sahabat-sahabat yang bukan Muslim, juga peringatan untuk mereka yang sudahpun Muslim. Oxford University Malaysia Club akan membantu dari hari pertama, satu jaringan pelajar baik-baik belaka, yang tidak pernah melepaskan kesempatan mengadakan majlis makan-makan, dan mengusahakan Malaysia Night setiap tahun. Abang-abang dan kakak-kakak pasca-ijazah, dengan tahlil dan tazkirah setiap tiga minggu, makanan Malaysia yang dapat mengurangkan sedikit rindu dan pilu, keluarga baru untuk bermesra dan bersalam-salaman pada Hari Raya di perantauan jauh, rumah terbuka untuk mengeratkan silaturrahim dan mengisi perut yang teringin makanan dari bumi sendiri. Dari segi masyarakat Malaysia dan Islam, janganlah risau buat sesaat pun.



Masa Lapang
Di luar masa akademik, memang tak akan habis pilihannya. Mungkin bekerja, tiga jam seminggu, menyediakan makanan untuk insan-insan yang tidak berumah? Mungkin berdiri, dua jam seminggu, di jalan yang paling sibuk di Oxford, berkempen untuk rakyat Palestin yang menderita? Mungkin memegang secawan teh setiap minggu, membincangkan diri, dunia, dan kehidupan di pejabat Oxford Muse? Menghadiri syarahan-syarahan perdana yang tidak pernah terhenti – pakar ekonomi, pakar perundangan, ahli politik, saintis-saintis, ulama dan sarjana – asalkan mencari, pasti dijumpa. Mengajar Bahasa Inggeris kepada anak pelarian dari negara yang menderita? Bermain badminton, skuasy, bola sepak, atau mungkin mengayuh? Asalkan ada kemahuan, di Oxford, pasti ada jalannya.

Bandar
Bandarnya teramatlah cantik – penuh dengan bangunan lama yang tersergam indah, diselitkan dengan taman-taman yang sentiasa membawa ucapan Subhanallah! ke lidah yang kagum dengan kebesaran ciptaan Allah s.w.t. Makanan halal tak perlu dirisaukan –
Nando’s yang halal, KFC yang halal, restoran-restoran India, empat kedai sandwic yang halal, kedai kebab setiap 500 m, restoran Itali yang halal pun ada! Dan kalau nak jimat, makanlah makanan vegetarian yang dihidangkan dalam kolej, ataupun masak sendiri pun boleh – lima penjual daging halal berniaga di Oxford, semuanya di jalan yang sama.

Saya rasa itulah, sedikit-sebanyak, yang boleh saya kongsi tentang Oxford University. Untuk seorang pelajar Muslim, saya rasa memang selesa dan betul-betul sesuai, jika hendak mengaji di sini. Jangan pedulikan mitos, jangan pedulikan suara-suara yang mengatakan bahawa untuk anda masuk Oxford itu mustahil – jika teringin mencuba, kuatkan azam, dapatkan ‘straight A’s’, sediakan diri untuk temuduga, dan berdoalah kepada Allah s.w.t., jika ditakdirkan anda sampai ke ‘the city of dreaming spires’, saya mengalu-alukan kedatangan anda. Kalau nak tahu lebih banyak tentang proses permohonan, kolej mana nak dipilih, dan hal-hal praktikal sedemikian, silalah hubungi saya.


Jika ada sebarang persoalan, hubungilah saya:

hizami.mohdiskandar@magd.ox.ac.uk

Insya-Allah, kita akan bertemu, pada satu masa dan tempat yang dipilih Allah s.w.t.

Wassalam,
Hizami

diambil dari http://www.iluvislam.com/v1/readarticle.php?article_id=634


hmm.... nak gi Oxford.. nak gi sangat..! tapi, saye bukan A student, apatahlagi straight A student.. :'( macam mane eh? ade harapan ke..? macam takde gitu.. perbelanjaannye pon, saye tak mampu.. alahai.. sedihnye saye pikirkan perkare ni..

restless

im restless because exams are looming nearer. TWO MORE WEEKS, my dear!

and also because i messed up few quizzes, a presentation, and my image as a student (remember ddct?)

and also because im having mixed feelings about going to tkd trainings. and this time, it's more prone to not going to training anymore.

let's see.. positive matters and happy news that i'd like to share with you:

1. went to kak hidayati n bro rizal's nikah ceremony at ba'alwie mosque last saturday. suker!!

btw, i think masjid ba'alwie is not so accessible. nasih baik gue follow my guts to alight from the bus. right at the last minute, tau! klw tidak.. haiz.. tak tahu lah berapa jauh the next bustop is! and i wonder if it has a place for muslimah yang ma'zurah to sit eh? i didnt know where to sit, so i sat at the edge of the muslimah praying corner, right at its entrance. and most of the time, i stood. hmm.. ape hukumnye eh? i know kalau lintas je boleh. tapi klw stood for more than 30 minutes (coz i wanted to watch the akad, and take pictures of the bride and groom)..?

ooohhh... and another thing i'd like to admit: i actually thought bro rizal dah kahwin. oopppss! betul.. mati2 ingatkan dia dah kahwin, and dah ade anak. huhu.. kak hidayati, if you ever read this post.. afwan sgt2! jgn ambil hati ye? i think i got the impression when i attended a particular meeting at saff centre. bro rizal was there, bro hafiz, bro mohksin, kak hidayati and kak aishah were there.. yup, could've been a vmd meet. waduh~ rasa bersalah sey.. =(

and... kak hidayati looked beautiful!! i think the make-up is nice (sorry for the lack of a better word).. i mean, it's not the mak-andam type. paham tak? plus, i dont usually comment on people's make-up ok? so, i really mean what i said.

2. im now taking arabic class.. with ustaz iskandar.. haa.. klw yang belajar kat wehdah dulu tahu lah siape dia.. or yang belajar kat tampines north cc. it feels really good to be learning arabic again - an arabic book, or sheet, in front of you, and you are busy putting the 'syakl' and scribbling the meaning of the words.

semalam, i went to masjid raudhah with kak aminah (from nypms). dia ajak gi kelas 'cara solat rasulullah s.a.w.' by ustaz hamzah jumat. gunekan buku 'sifatu solatinnabi' karangan syeikh nasiruddin albani.

bila masuk kelas tu, my eyes quickly laid upon few makciks yang pakai niqab (dalam hati: waahh~). that aside, the class is in english. bukan sahaja bapa2, pakcik2, abang2, makcik2 melayu yang ada, tetapi juga indians. klw chinese or caucasian or eurasian, takde kot.

and what i learnt from yesterday's class was that there are 6 ways of reciting tasyahhud.

3. semalam jugak, kakak datang rumah.. kakak nak tgk my tkd pics. fuyo, segan sey.. sebab i dont have a lot of pictures and takde apa yang nak ditunjuk pon. plus, bukannya me bagus sgt (though i didnt say it out loud). at last, tunjuk video pattern yang bersejarah tu (sebab mak dah mention that i have a video). embarrassed sey! kakak kata, liyana ni sajak jadi ustazah ke.. pensyarah ke.. hehe.. tergelak jugak bila kakak cakap camtu.. adelah lagi comment2 dia. ape-ape je lah, kakak ni! ditambah pula dgn komen ayah dgn mak. haiz~ padahal sebenarnya, takde ape yang perlu dibesar2kan.

4. im currently reading the kite runner. watched the movie already, online. mengusik jiwa, movie tu! of friendship, betrayal, undying loyalty.. of potrayal of the life in afghanistan. i watched with an objective mind ah.. regarding the potrayal of taliban and such. coz to me, these are just snippets of how afghanistan is, and how it was. it may not be entirely accurate, but definitely not a lie, but i accept it as something that could have been, and is, happening.

for you a thousand times over.. kecewa jugak coz character hassan takde mase dewasa.. cerita ni diceritakan seolah2 ianya kejadian sebenar.. and if the adult hassan was alive, and that he and amir were reunited at last, i would have cried!! letter yang hassan hantar kat amir pon mengharukan.

ok, friends! i strongly recommend you to read and watch the kite runner.

and yes, i find the visual representation of the book satisfying. worth it.




*inhale.. exhale..* looking forward to the chinese new year holiday~

gambar-gambar lama uh..

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that's kak firza.. doing ermm... not sure, looking at the list of pax i think. nak print kot. anyway, im glad that i met her during RR'07!

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starting from the one wearing pink tudung: kak idahyu, kak fadzillah, kak khairunnisa and kak khairunnisa. again, im thankful for these sisters ;)

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from left: fadhilah, syazalyn and erny. huhu.. im not going to get bored saying this: im forever greatful to have met all the girls.. and for those whom i've already known before RR'07, to have got the chance to get to know them better *all smiles* indeed, this was one of the blessings from me being involved in RR'07..

cimg4906
tgh kemas barang2 kat dalam kotak, mainly badges and drawstring bags i think. fyi, those two things were the souvenirs for the participants.

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the facis, representing the facis, who came for the post-mortem. yupz, they are discussing the matters to be raised during the session.

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girls one side, the guys the other two sides..

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haiz.. tak boleh angkat ah that i had to chair moderate the session. segan tau. segan!!! on a more positive note, the one yang pakai tudung dark purple is kak huda, my mentor. yesSah!!!

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kak rufi (short for rufihaza) - i like her! turned out that she's my course senior kat TP.

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ok, ni belum ready. ape-ape 'ntah~

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dont have a better picture ah.. so, ni lah kita-kita yang hadir time post-mortem tu. ade jugak yang takde dlm gambar coz dah balik dulu. fyi, it was 11.15+ pm already =S

Exam timetable's out!



Yupz! 3 exam papers only.

BUT!

i still got tests, 2 of them i think, on the 18 feb week. =O

sepandai-pandai tupai melompat..

k, dah tiba masanya kau stop skipping lectures!

my ddct (drug development and clinical trials) lecturer knows i was absent from last friday's and today's lecture.

on top of that, i had failed to attend last thursday's prac project interview. i admit (i didnt admit to her lah.. nampak sah aku conteng arang kat muka sendiri!), it was my fault i didnt leave my house at 7.30am, instead, i left about 8am. one hour before my group's interview slot. cari pasal ke pe, liyana?! kau tau yang kau tak boleh make it if you go out at 8am. kau tau yang pastinya ada highway jam kat sengkang tu!

so yeah, there was a massive jam. one that even i didnt exactly anticipate - the bus was caught in it upon entering TPE. get it? at the entrance of TPE! imagine there and tampines interchange! how far can it get??!! and it was around 8.30 +/- am. so i had to sms my groupmate that i wouldnt be able to make it on time, and was likely to miss the interview. finally.. i reached tampines around 9.50 +/- am. lama kan? and dont think i wasnt upset.

ok, back to me and my lecturer:

so just now, after tutorial, i apologised to her (i had apologised to her on that interview day, but the time wasnt right - she was rushing to take attendance of the next group). she asked me why i was late. i said there was a massive jam. was there an accident? no, i didnt see an accident. i remember seeing on the 'noticeboard' that there was 'massive jam at pasir ris dr 12'.

and then, she confronted me, about my missing lectures. like, baru sekarang nak datang mintak maaf, when you got friday and today. yet, you were absent on both days. (she didnt say that exactly lah..) wah, dalam hati: camne dia tahu..? i was taken aback, alright. i could only say, yes, it was my mistake.

one student, she was on mc, and she's done the interview on friday.. (like, i got no valid excuse and i even missed lecture or didnt take the initiative to see her on friday or earlier today.. bad girl, me!) i could've been more lenient... what do you think i should do? i could mark you as absent (for that interview) and give you zero..

in my head, a sentence was forming: i am ready to accept the appropriate punishment..

then, she started to arrange with me the time i could take the interview.. this thursday.

finally, i said, thank you.. for your patience. i couldnt come up with a better word. patience?? still thinking of a more accurate, appropriate word.

she just smiled. i couldnt interpret what she was thinking.

i think, im on the verge of becoming a black-listed student in her book. better buck up, liyana~ you shouldnt miss any more lectures!

by the way, it turns out that students have to sign their attendance for ddct lectures. this procedure started last friday. oh.. kay.. *sedih jugak sbb takde orang beritahu.. tapi salahkan diri sendiri ah..*

of all things >-<

her friend says: ante tenggah istihara tentang apa ada org meresik ke
she says: hehe.... i wish!
she says: hehe
she says: tak ah
she says: istikharah ni boleh untuk mcm2 benda kan...
she says: so it's not about ade orang merisik
she says: huhu~
her friend says: yelah tau usik je mana tau kan
her friend says: kawan kita nikah dulu
she says: hehehe
she says: boleh jadi
she says: amiin~~
she says: hehehehehe
her friend says: ish ada org Tak sabar tu
she says: ape jek!
her friend says: seboK eh, if u busy Tak Yah reply continue ur work
she says: sebenarnye, kite tgh tgk cerita 'the craft'
her friend says: dah dia cakap boleh jugak dan amin kan sekali macam Tak sabar gitu
she says: hahahahaha
she says: boleh sabar...
she says: byk perkara perlu dibereskan sebelum kite nak masuk gerbang pernikahan
her friend says: memang ah tu sebab pernikahan walaupon hati inginkanyA tapi ana belum sampai menjadi wanita soleha impian ana. supayA tidak menjadi beban atau fitnah utk suami meneruskan jihad mereka
she says: huhu... wah~ berfalsafah sey~
her friend says: malu kita mana ada seorg yg banYak kekurangan
her friend says: masih mencari redaNYA dan cuba menjadi lebih baik
her friend says: insyAllah ia akan menjadi kenYataan tahun ini
her friend says: k ah... ana penat baru balik sebenarnYa bila nampak personal msg ante tu yg tertarik nak tegur
her friend says: assalamu alaikum wrb
her friend says: tc ana tido dulu ye
she says: okay
she says: ws

I wanna be Better!

there's a friendly match with NUS at NUS tomorrow. im thinking of going. hmmm...

and i managed to drag my lazy feet to tuesday's training -

my first time sparring after soo many months.

for your information, we cannot wear spectacles during sparring. not are we allowed earrings, studs, necklace, bracelet, hairpins and rings.. as for hairband, girls are encouraged to use a 'soft' one.

and to tell you the truth, not wearing specs during sparring really makes me insecure. like, i cant see enough. my vision now is worse than months ago. and with the IVP coming in march, i expect my vision to be worse, if not the same, as today.

but... i dont want to wear contact lenses.. scares me, man! eye infection, fungus and whatnots. plus, i only intend to wear them when i spar.. so for the rest of the days or weeks or months, the contact lens box is gonna lay somewhere among my stuff, alone, collecting dust! oh, poor thing..

-self-reflection mode-

i found myself getting lazier and lazier to attend trainings. in the graph depicting my attendance in 1st year and 2nd year, it shows a steep line going downwards.. and it's not rising back up, yet.

questioning myself, why arent you excited about tkd anymore? werent you the one who says that it is a platform to keep yourself fit, coz if not, you dont see yourself exercising those hands and legs?

ironically, when i successfully pushed myself to training, i felt good. good to be back. good to be 'revising' or improving this and that. i especially like it if that day got not so many people. yet, at the same time, i felt particularly frustrated and helpless (and blaming myself) if my kicks/posture are wrong, definitely way below my belt level.

well, that's because you skip training so much, liyana! and that is why your skills are like that!

so, isnt it time for you to buck up? dont you wanna learn the proper way? dont you wanna be good at it? you need practice, more of them! you know you do! and if you are so lazy to do anything about it, why dont you just quit?!

but i dont want to quit. another half of me wants to, though. (because of some reasons. maybe i'll share with you one day.)

for now, im hanging on. i think what is motivating me is the team temasek jacket. i want my jacket back! well, not that i'll be getting the exact same jacket that i wore last year.

you see, there's 'Temasek Polytechnic' sewn at the back of the jacket. unfortunately, it didnt occur to me to check the jacket thoroughly when i collected it. days (or few weeks, i think) after the competition, i returned it to the tkd captain. so that he can help me exchange for a new one. but he never did. hmmm... sabar je.. sabar je.. so now, im still waiting.

this year's IVP is on the 1st and 2nd of march. and my team still hasnt practised much on our pattern. and as for myself, im soooo not ready for sparring competition. arghh..! seram sangat2! i cant do back-thrust spontaneously. no confidence, mah~

yup. that's why im lacking: confidence; since i dont have enough practice, as compared to my tkd mates.

confidence is very important in any sports. and you dont just obtain it anywhere, anytime. after you got the skills, and after you use that skills, then you gain it.

hmmm... oh ya, i missed the january 6th grading. not enough time to practise the grading pattern, plus i was sick. haiz~~ hopefully, i can make it for the april one.

here's the pattern that my team is doing:

below is NTU team doing 'chil-jang' at the IVP NTU Open (pattern) 2006. they're damn goOd! what you're gonna see is an example of excellent execution - powerful, strong, and the same time, smooth~

Menghafal Quran ni sama ada mendapat Syafaat atau Laknat.. *

*guLP*
Ya Allah.. Masukkanlah kami dalam golongan orang-orang yang beruntung..
"Kemudian Kitab itu Kami wariskan kepada orang-orang yang
Kami pilih di antara hamba-hamba Kami, lalu di antara mereka ada yang mengania-
ya diri mereka sendiri dan di antara mereka ada yang pertengahan dan diantara
mereka ada (pula) yang lebih dahulu berbuat kebaikan dengan izin Allah. Yang
demikian itu adalah karunia yang amat besar. "
surah Faathir: 32 **



*dipetik daripada kata-kata Kowries 0706 dalam artikel 'Kisah Histeria di Pusat Tahfiz' bertarikh 2 Januari 2008. http://www.iluvislam.com/v1/readarticle.php?article_id=822

** Yang dimaksud dengan "orang yang menganiaya dirinya sendiri" ialah orang yang lebih banyak kesalahannya daripada kebaikannya, dan "pertengahan" ialah orang-orang yang kebaikannya berbanding dengan kesalahannya, sedang yang dimaksud dengan "orang-orang yang lebih dahulu dalam berbuat kebaikan" ialah orang-orang yang kebaikannya amat banyak dan amat jarang berbuat kesalahan.
i miss talking about religion. or about issues.. regarding life, current affairs, society, religious practices, philosophy, environment, nature, the future, history.

i miss indulging myself with ilmu. you know what i mean? ilmu, ilmu, ilmu!

i know damn well that what i learn in sch is ilmu, but no, no... what i really miss is ilmu agama.. belajar something for the sake for belajar something. ilmu that im familiar with.. more depth.. more width..

ilmu that can widen my perspective, stretch my mind, teach me to be more wise..

i need some scholarly discussions.. more of them. urgh!

and im really really grateful there's usrah. with my NI mates, and thfz mates.. although i missed two recent ones, 1 NI, 1 thfz..

now, usrahs and majlis ilmu (however informal, with my friends) seem more important than whatever trainings and ALPs. yupz.

Munajat oleh Rabbani

Tuhan
Kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan
Pengharapan

Tuhan
Kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan
Pengharapan

Tuhan
Kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan

Bisikanku untuk-Mu
Munajatku mohon restu
Semoga cintaku bukan palsu
Pada desiran penuh syahdu
Gelombang lautan rinduku

Tuhan
Kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan
Pengharapan

Tuhan
Kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan

Munajatku dalam syahdu
Merindui maghfirah Mu

Mardhiah Mu dalam restu
Harapan tulusnya hatiku

Ku rindukan pimpinan Mu
Keagungan Mu dalam doaku
Kebesaran pada qudrat Mu
Ia membina ruhaniku

Tuhan
Kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan
Pengharapan

Tuhan
Kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan

Ujian kepahitan
Di dalam perjuangan
Padanya ada kemanisan
Ketenangan dan kebahagiaan
Padanya syurga idaman

Munajatku dalam syahdu
Merindui Maghfirah Mu
Mardhiah Mu dalam restu
Harapan tulusnya hatiku

Kurindukan pimpinan Mu
Keagungan Mu dalam doaku
Kebesaran pada Qudrat Mu
Ia membina ruhaniku

Tuhan
Kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan
Pengharapan

Tuhan
Kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan
i asked her about solat taqwiyatul hifz - is there a dalil for it?

she answered me in arabic, and immediately i realised she wasnt answering my question directly; she was telling me something else.

she knows.


"cara menguatkan hafalan...... sebenarnya... orang yang menghafal quran.... tak
boleh buat maksiat... sebab ilmu tu cahaya.. cahaya Allah tu tak diberikan pada
orang-orang maksiat.. penting bagi orang yang menghafal al-Quran buat solat
taubah.... lazimkan..."


that's more or less the gist of it, that i can remember.

i was suddenly solemn. another sign.

terkedu. but i wasnt in the right place and moment to reveal my feelings. tahan dulu k?

now, i can think and reflect.

it's still on my mind.

thank you, for the naseehah.. and thank You, for thru this incident i know You love me..

childhood songs

i'd like to start with nasyid.

ingat dulu2... (below 7 year oldnye memory ah.. so, quite fade) time arqam, me dgr nasyid2 by nadamurni and other kumpulan2 nasyid yang ditubuhkan under arqam.. ade yang 'ummiku sayang' album tu - i finally found out that they're called Soutus Sofwa (but i dunno if tu nama yang original atau nama baru selepas pembubaran arqam).

dulu2 tu, kite dgr kaset ah... sedap2 jugak lagunye. most of the cassettes dah tak tahu ke mana.. but few, me tak tahu camne nak dgr sbb the hi-fi system is faulty (which has the cassette player).

so, bila ada imeem ni, me tercari2 lagu2 lama yang pernah me dgr dulu..

ade satu lagu.. dlm album 'ummiku sayang'.. (there are others: dengarlah sayang, adik-adikku sayang) i really dont know sape or tajuk ape.. tapi liriknye asyik terngiang2.

selamat tinggal ayah dan ibu.. izinkan kami pergi dahulu.. mengharap restu juga do'amu.. kami pergi mencari ilmu..



=)

lagu from nadamurni:




and i think, the first moment that triggered back my 'memory of songs' was during a Saff 'R Us session kat perdaus hong kah. mase tu, tgh ade group discussion, then one of the brothers bukak satu lagu ni on his laptop. bila dgr je, terus hati ni berbisik, "eh! lagu tu! i had listened to it long time ago..!" mcm curious giler nak tahu sape nyanyi, tajuk lagu, mane nak dapatkan lagu tu..

when i asked the bro, lagu2 yang dia hantar salah uh.. tapi takpe, that was when i discovered 'selawat atasmu' by nowseeheart, and 'sa'ir' by, tak tahu sape.

i only know it starts with 'solla alaikallahu ya adnani' - tapi kan ade byk versi..

cari punye cari.. i found http://www.downloadnasyid.blogspot.com/ it was some time (a loOng time for me tho') before i found album 'untukmu rasulullah'.

i have satu cd 'untukmu rasulullah'.. tapi nombor 2 nye.. lagu tu dan beberape lagi lagu (yang pasti me recognise) ade kat cd nombor 1.

so.... click, click, click on the songs kat album tu, akhirnya:



oh, another nasyid that i had been painstakingly searching:





(to be continued)

lemme just ramble on...!!

k, i've LOTs to say... maklumlah, berminggu2 tak update kan... so, terpendam je kat pikiran ni..

TERM TESTS ARE OVER...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya Allah.... betapa leganya hati ni~ rasenye, this is the greatest relief ever since i entered year 2. imagine that!

it wasn't a sweet ending, as usual.. nevertheless, knowing that tomorrow's the start of term break (albeit 3 projects at hand).. is hart-warming!

and... i dare to say that i did put quite an effort this week. alhamdulillah.. terima kasih Tuhan..! although... my spirits were going down, down, down as the last day of test (that is today) loomed.. susah betul nak maintain semangat kite untuk belajar kan? haa... sebab tu lah my last paper tak alright sgt.. sebab start belajar pukul 11pm+ the night before.. tu pon tak concentrate and info tak masuk sgt, sbb dah ngantuk. and, esok paginya baru sambung.. and my cpu agak slow (coz of the semangat turon and the distraction 'cepat lah habis..!!!')..

looking on the bright side, i was able to do bpharm calculations!!!!

oh yeah, have i ever told you that i find calculations hard? i cringe whenever there's calculations question.. dari first year sampai sekarang. yup, most of the time i dont understand the question.. and i dunno how to start solving the problem. hmm.. i wonder where my math power has gone to. *need more practice*

next!

aqila dapat 217 for her PSLE!! marha~ marha!! best kan? the highest kat sekolahnye (madr aljunied) is 240. dua orang. dua2 perempuan. gO GiRLsss~!!

and then, suddenly i thought.. "hmm... klw dulu aku ambil PSLE.. rasanye aku dapat berapa eh..?" talk about what if's!

another good news.. although agak terlambat is.... kamaliah got 3rd in her class!! yeSsA~ i know i've said this, but let me say it again: im PROUD of you, mate! *flashing my big toothy smile*

cerita lain:

1. i just discovered this website: http://www.iluvislam.com/ yesterday.. check it out gals! it was created by muslim lads from malaysia. and what's impressive that they, and their comm members, are students in overseas university!! muslims + malay + malaysia + europe + university =
future muslim intellectuals, insha Allah!!

oh, and what you get there:

Di sini anda berpeluang untuk menikmati pelbagai hiburan alternatif, info
universiti, koleksi artikel seantero dunia, perbincangan ilmiah, video islamik,
tv streaming, politik, perubatan dan kesihatan, cinta dan remaja, dakwah dan
jemaah, nama-nama anak anda, soal-jawab ustaz, ...dan banyak lagi!!


2. i was given the opportunity to help a sis mend a booth at masjid an-na'eem family carnival on 2 dec 2007. this sister is the woman behind http://www.nour.sg/ (promo ni!) and mewah apparel (located somewhere in bukit batok).. k, yang me betul2 nak promote ni is her designing service for customised badges, corporate stationeries, shirts (dry-fit), posters, etc etc etc.

and fyi, she was the main designer for Ramadhan Rocks 2007. yeah!

so, i know her from there. sehari sebelum RR'07 baru dapat bertemu 4 mata (or shall i say, 8? coz both of us wear specs. heh.) dgn Kak Hairani. your hard work is very much appreciated kak! =)

k, actually, what i want to share is....

remember i said i hadnt bought myself a gift in one of the previous posts?

pada hari tu lah, i got myself the Ultimate Birthday Gifts (macam betOl je ehh..). nak tahu ape? oh, lain kali kite cerita k? i want to post the pictures here too.. buat kenangan. *nak ambil gmbr then upload, tu yang leceh uh*

3. i've found some nostalgic songs.. you know, the songs that you heard/listened to when you're a kid. then you never heard it again.. but somehow, that memory is in the back of your head, and quite suddenly, one day, the rhythm just pops up, and you find yourself humming the tune, and if more lucky, some bits of the lyrics. but! you forgot what the song title is.. or who the singer is..

so, thanks to http://www.imeem.com/, i was able to retrieve these memories back!

amazing how 'playing music on your web' has evolved! just few years ago, i had wasted time and energy finding the html code to put song(s) in my blog.. even more ma fan if you have to 'upload' (i dunno what's the best word) the song of choice, like, manually, coz it wasnt available in any music codes sites. or even find the html for the music player.

now, everything's easy. the websites are there (music hosting webbies, eh? multiply.. flashfetish..).. all you have to do is upload the music (or just find it, like at imeem) and copy and paste the code. and voila!

videos also... youtube.. veoh.. haiz~ teringat dulu.. sedangkan nak letak lagu punyelah seksa, apatah lagi videos!

4. recently, i've been to 2 weddings.. got to see different perspectives... coming up, this sunday, my alsagoff senior, mariam hashim, is getting married!!

hmm... majlis2 nikah ni made me thinking, plus daydreaming, about my own wedding, calon suami (oops!).. hidup sebagai isteri.. bernikah muda.. even nama anak. what i prefer and what i dont. AND, the ultimate question whether i will live long enough to even get engaged. hah!

k, cakap pasal nama...

5. Mujahid ---- sedapkan bunyinya? with huruf 'jim' and 'ha' yang tebal.. bila sebut word tu.. seolah2 terlambang keteguhan, kesungguhan.. i had come to realise the depth of the word 'mujahadah' only this year.. around ramadhan.. when i reflected back on all the tribulations, emotional, spiritual, that i am facing.. and the word 'mujahid' appealed to me.

and kebetulan, masa hari raya yang baru lepas ni, i found out that my anak sedara (who's 21 years old) namanye muhammad mujahid. wow!

but i prefer simply, Mujahid.

another word that has been on my mind for quite some time is 'Dzulkifli'. yes, i prefer it spelled with 'dz'. sebutan kena tepat! i had thought of that name/word when i reflected on my personality. sometimes, i noticed that i was/is a 'pak sanggup'.. sanggup gi jauh to send a form to a friend, sanggup tunggu lama2, sanggup buat itu ini when nobody else did.. hmm... why did i go to the extra mile eh? kenapa menyusahkan diri eh? i remember my dad mentioned this behaviour of mine to me.. tak ingat lah bila.. but it kinda stuck in my head.

and i was reminded of makna 'Dzulkifli' dalam buku cerita kanak2 25 rasul (tak pasti colour biru atau bijau punye)... 'yang mempunyai kesanggupan'..

anyway,

Raihan and 'Ibaadurrahmaan' pon mcm sedap eh nama? tapi im not sure of the latter's meaning ah.. 'ibad tu, is it 'worshipper' or 'worshipping'..

klw nama perempuan plak.. hmm... belum dapat inspirasi..

6. it's been a long time since i write a sensible, mature post about issues. serious stuff.

hmm.. maybe it's my lack of knowledge. but more possibly, because expressing myself and my opinions in writing isn't my strength.

and yes... it's been a long time since i read something substantial. masuk internet, baca blog orang.. suratkhabar pon, BH je.. but not-so-heavy news je..

haiz~~ apa nak jadi! gotta change, gottachange gottachange~~




ape lagi nak share eh?

oh, another webbie: http://www.islamicevents.sg/ where events/talks/seminars/classes are advertised. it's new.. so spread about it k? so more people will know about this wonderful service the web creators offer!

let's support the efforts by our brothers and sisters! with the IT knowledge that we have.. must utilise it optimally for da'wah, and for the ummah!
Sabar di Hati
&
Syukur pada Wajah

1615hrs

my sister bought Indulge's tiramisu for me... that's very thoughtful of her.. thanks, aqila!

i had never tried tiramisu before... and i had been eyeing, sort of, the tiramisu from Indulge since the shop opened few years ago. lama eh? tak mampu ah... plus, tak sampai hati nak keluarkan duit to buy a small thing (in this case, food) at a price at which i can buy 2 muffins instead.

so, when i opened the fridge last night, and then, opened the box.. ooh! it's tiramisu~~

anyway, other than that, she bought my fav 'sweets' ah basically.. 2 pastries from Indulge, and chocolate fudge slice and peanut butter waffle from Prima Deli. *suker, suker, suker!*


and thank you, for those who wished me...

hmmm...

i'd like to think that i shouldnt expect anything.
and thus, i dont expect anything.
kena didik diri ah..
coz it's just one of the many days.
so there's no need for anyone to remember.
even myself, to an extreme extend.

nevertheless, i've yet to buy you anything..
just a du'a with the deepest hopes, and earnest feelings..
yang penting, you're happy k?
be strong, girlfriend!
^_____^

check these out! *for muslimah*

knee-length shirts.
button badges.
notebooks.
bookmarks.

whee~~ i like!

haiz~ kalaulah me ade duit untuk beli t-shirt2 tu... some of the colours and designs are nice!

1. http://deenarts.blogspot.com/
2. http://nurcahaya.wordpress.com/
3. http://www.anamuslim.com.my/
4. http://www.nour.sg/
5. http://www.seni-puteh.blogspot.com/
6. http://raiyanz.blogspot.com/2007/06/sambutan-tshirt.html
7. http://blogs.cjb.net/islamicbadges
8. http://www.wanitamelayu.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=13422 (bigger pictures of shirt designs)
9. http://muslimahtshirt.blogspot.com/
10. http://www.faeizonline.com/shop/
11. http://brotherhoodarts.com/
12. http://www.dapat.net/mms/actual/viewactual.aspx?Gambar=Gambarbaju1.JPG&Mesej=PRODUK%20TERBARU%20DARI%20TFM%20DESIGN!!
13. http://www.eelmoo.com/CasualWear/index.php?act=viewCat&catId=1

i need to..

- start going to tkd trainings and stick to them.

- start taking tkd trainings seriously, if im ever going to represent TP in pattern and sparring.

- start revising for term test, which starts on dec 10th. and it's a bunch of tests, not just one.

- treat myself something, to make myself happy.

- laugh less.

- be more friendly. i notice that i've been smiling less for the past, umm... i dunno.

- think how to help my family financially. holiday job?

- settle my choice of formal clothes for csas4 job interview test, although the test is more than a month away.


what else?

zina hati

an excerpt from an article/story:


"Betul, zina hati. Semua inilah yang Rasulullah jelaskan dalam hadithnya tentang bagaimana menghampiri zina tu. Anta boleh 'check' dalam Riyadahus salihin bawah bab larangan melihat wanita. Rasulullah bersabda, mata boleh berzina dgn melihat, lidah boleh berzina dengan bercakap, tangan boleh berzina dengan berpegangan. Kaki boleh berzina dengan berjalan ke arah tempat maksiat. Hati pula boleh berzina dgn merindui, mengingati dan membayangi si dia. Hakikatnye, macam mana pun anta buat, anta tetap tak dapat lari daripada zina hati."


[source]


mmmmmmmm.....

camera-phobia?

in one of my previous posts, i told you that i lost the family's new camera, right?

well, we've gotten a new one. malam raya~ my sister was pushing my parents to buy one.. and she insisted that it's gonna be hers. like, duh?

anyway, for my part, although i was kinda happy if we would have a camera for raya, i was still worried.. hmm.. had (and still have) a tingling feeling (sometimes, like chill running down my spine, or suddenly my hands become cold; and i would rub my palms).. uneasy, a bit scared whenever i thought of holding a camera. til now.

but, yeah, ended up my sis n mum went to buy a pentax 8.1 megapixels after maghrib at the photo shop near our house.

of course, i still enjoy taking photos *sukerrrr* but i still feel the repercussion of that fateful day.

and no, im not camera-phobic.

about me.

do you know, the time, the place, the situation, where you have to tell people about yourself (tell me/us about yourself?), or in your profile in webbies, such as friendster.. or even blog, you gotta describe your personality and whatnots..?

well, i've decided to write some things about myself.. in case i lose my memory one day. so my friends can show me my own blog, and specifically, this post, to help me refresh my memory.. so friends, take note, ey? but hopefully, nothing bad will happen to me..

whatever that comes to mind:


1. i dont wear jeans

2. im usually insensitive to people's criticism. i welcome feedback, comments, even potentially hurtful ones. i understand that some people find it hard to be tactful.. so rather than let them test their sentence-building skills, i prefer to let people shoot whatever they want.

3. my all-time favourite.. ermm.. im not sure what you call it - 'food' is very general, 'snack' sounds like it's not healthy - let's just say, 'snack'.. k, my all-time fav snack is roti bakar. yupz! loooovvvvee it. sampai bila2 pon me takkan naik muak makan tu.. ok, klw tak paham, bahasa inggerisnya ialah 'kaya toast'. huu.. dari kecil ku makan makanan ni.. teringat dulu2, whenever i went to ang mo kio library, bila singgah kedai kopi dekat2 situ (yang ada kedai maria mariana or something).. mesti order roti bakar. cuma, nak komen: KENAPE ROTI BAKAR SEKARANG MAHAL NAH??!! $1 UNTUK 2 KEPING ROTI (aka 2 triangles - 2 roti square, then dipotong shape triangle) APE SEHHH!!! ni bermakna kan... me kenalah bikin roti bakar sendiri...

4. another all-time favourite snack of mine is.. milo sejuk + biskut. whee~~ me suke sangat.. klw dlm satu hari, makan tu dua tiga kali pon ok. tak makan nasi tapi makan tu je pon ok. again, ni dari zaman kecil2 dulu.. n selalunya, me cecah biskut yang square shape (hup seng ke.. jacob's ke.. tiger ke..). *sedap nye~~*

5. i dont wear make-up. foundation, bedak, lipgloss and whatnots.. tak reti uh.. nak pakai celak pon, keberatan. pernah dgr yang pakai celak ni sunnah.. tapi sejauh mana kebenarannya eh? klw ditunjukkan bukti yang sahih, baru me pakai kot.

6. i like instrumental songs. usually, kinda new age, or soundtracks, or some foreign language songs. oh.. klw nak cerita ttg music, lain post je ah. plus, im trying to reduce listening to songs - im progressing well, cuma kadang2 tu, still dgr lagu jugak~.

7. ms. grammar. when i check documents, i would usually look for grammatical n spelling errors. takes time! other than that, im very particular about standard format.. i mean, klw marginnya senget, tak sama, bla bla bla.. meticulous but kadang2 leceh.. but, i cant help myself sometimes. heh.

8. 1 eye is bigger than the other. im not talking about the diameter of my eyes. im talking about the appearance. oh ya, and i wear glasses - my vision is slowly deteriorating everyday.

9. the only educational magazine that interests me so far is national geographic magazine. although it's been a while since i read a copy. and.... i borrow them from libraries. i only own one copy. bought it with my own money. some time this year, i think. you know the feeling, when you were a kid, and you wanted a certain candy (or whatever stuff lah), it costed higher than the average and you didnt have money. and you waited (for a loOng time) til you had enough money. and finally, you succeeded in getting your first candy, using your own money? you know, that personal satisfaction? yeah.. that was how it felt when i managed to buy my first nat geo mag. it costs $7.50, i think.

10. i had wanted a bicycle. i still do. though i dont really see a point of having one. yelah, bukannya boleh bawak gi east coast park ke mane2 yang jauh to ride it. and maybe, one day i may leave singapore. so takkan nak bawak dlm aeroplane.

11. i keep stuff for memoirs.. yeah, well, maybe im sentimental? or nostalgic? when i had to 'bongkar' my almari and reorganise my stuff last ramadhan coz i got a new almari, i realised that i have many things (cant think of an example now), small and medium, papers, souvenirs..

12. and i tend to hold dear to my stuff.. such as my old school shoes, and my broken umbrella, or my alsg school bag, or my old notebooks, or my old watches.. i have this mentality 'haiz~ benda ni dah banyak berjasa sey'.. berat betul hati ni nak buang...

13. im not the eldest of my siblings. some people may think im anak sulung, coz of my character.. umm.. sebenarnya, me tak paham sgt ah kenapa orang boleh pikir that im the eldest. ok, so, im the 4th child. or in another way, im the 2nd child. tak paham? tak pe.

14. i dont eat food from fast-food restaurants, except for fries, drinks, apple slice (from McD's), apple/pineapple pies, McD's hotcakes. i dont mind if my friends decide to eat at those places, i'll just buy fries (although sometimes, i may have to suppress my hunger). why, you may ask? oh.. ceritanye mudah je. cuma.. kite tak nak share kat sini. if you ask me directly personally then i may be able to explain it to you. but then again, maybe not. coz some opinions are best kept to self.



ok, i think that's enough for now. shall add on to the list if i remember more.


15. im a passive smoker.

16. i dont like missing the traffic light. you dont understand? it means, tertinggal traffic light... dah nak dekat lampu hijau, and yet im not near enough to cross.. err.. k, klw tak paham takpe.

17. a sweet tooth! chocolate, pastries, muffins, ice creams, desserts.. it's heaven! choices are limited, coz banyak nah yang tak halal. but im still thankful that there are chocolates and other sweet delights that i can eat and cake shops i can go to.. woo hoo~~

18. thriller films are ok, but horror (!!) films are a big NO-NO!! =S

self examination

this semester kan, im studying a subject called communications skill for applied science 4. in short, csas4.

andd...... the main topics for this subject are resume and cover letter writing... and job interview!

yupz, that's right. TP's preparing me, and my BMS year 2 mates, for the world. *chewah~ mcm bet0l je -.-"*

so i had to find 3 job ads, in the newpapers, job ad webbies... that suits your field of study or interest. initially, i found 3 that kinda alright.. err.. sebenarnye, 1 je yang appealing: management trainee for times bookstore. lagi 2 tu.. ade kena mengena dgn science ah.. tapi... maahh-cam tak minat.

so... the night (or shall i say, the weeeee morning) of the day that we were to submit the resume/cover letter.. i searched online. akhirnya.. me jumpe satu job yang boleh dikatakan suit my interest, my qualification (diploma) and field of study (biomedical science).

haaa.... ape interest gue?

well, i have this teeny-weeny hope and ambition in my head and mind that i want to pursue genetics studies. kinda fascinate me, although i got C for molecular genetics last semester.

so, the job ad that i found has to do with doing genetics stuff.

and then, apabila sudah ku temui pekerjaan yang ku inginkan... ku mula menulis (aka typed) resume dan cover letterku.

fuyo~~ resume tu senang jugak nak buat. cuma part 'achievements' 'skills' 'extra-curricular activities'.... errr... mcm segan nak tulis.

k, nak katakan, when writing the resume n cover letter, we had to pretend we've already graduated.

klw 'extra curricular activities' tu... taklah byk sgt kan...


eh, sidetrack kejap -


i actually looked thru my file of certs. then, i realised that i cant use practically most of my certs to show relevant achievements and whatnots. betul! regret? takde ah... i take the certs as memoirs of what i had done during my pri-sec-poly years. relevant ke tak, they're for my own personal.. umm.. keepsake?


k, back to the main story -

part 'achievements' plak, takkan nak concoct yang tak benar... dan yang sebenarnya, i couldnt find any achievements relevant to the job that im applying. pening~ pening~.. but then, ape kisah! this is just a draft resume n cover letter. i just put what i have uh... later, teacher can give feedback whether it's appropriate or not.

n then, 'skills' ade few sub-titles: biomedical skills, language, and leadership/organisational skills.

for the last one tu.... i put my role in RR'07. rase mcm bersalah gitu bila letak tu.. nama je 'head' tapi pada hakikatnya, i didnt lead. i just played as a team member. yes, i do realise that maybe, just maybe, this involvement in RR'07 would look good, or nice, in my future real resume. tapi macam.. macam bedek ah. k, senang cakap, i dont feel that i deserve to state '........ in ramadhan..... a youth development.... by... bla bla..', coz i feel that i never did enough to even speak of it.

k, next!

cover letter. waduh~~ leceh banget! i was like, fidgeting in front of my computer screen.. at 2 plus in the morning i think... or was it 1am+.. pikir, pikir.. cari ilham... browsed the sample letters that i have, browsed the net.. flipped thru the 'guide to writing cover letter' section in my csas4 handout.

finally, i managed to come up with a decent letter, albeit a not-so-persuasive-let-alone-impressive one.

yang penting, tugas dah selesai. and i can rest in peace. ^.^v

anyway..

bila tengah cari job ads... baru lah me sedar betapa susahNYA(!!) nak cari kerja yang sesuai dgn minat kita.. klw ikut qualifications, ade lah jugak some available positions.. tapi yang nak kerja ni diri kita... kita yang tanggung.

and i realised... 'eh? what do i want to do?? i dunno what i want to work as...!' ni memang soalan n pikiran cepumas!

dah tu... my tutor gave us 2 handouts: 'self profile' and 'job fit'.

yang 'self profile' tu kena letak kat my APEL portfolio.. im supposed to evaluate myself.. reflect.. and write my strengths and weaknesses in the paper. with neat handwriting. mcm mudah kan? oh, tidak~~~ i must support my strength with 'what i have done to show that i have this strength'..... leceh!!!! tak kuasa ah nak pikir2 balik.. rasanye, mcm takde pon! weakness plak... oooo... banyak nah~ cuma, takkan nak sebut semua kan? mesti yang relevant je uh..

oh, n i still havent finished the 'self-profile'.

'job fit' gotta correlate the job requirements with what i have.. eg, good team player.. so kena write ape2 yang dilakukan to show that im a good team player. this one, i think kena submit kat tutor some day kot. *belum habis buat jugak*

yupz.. basically, ni je yang me nak share buat masa ni. i think im gonna write a post that lists my strengths and weaknesses.. maybe i'll update it every time i remember 1 point or so..

what is your profession?!

found the track below while browsing imeem for soundtracks and whatever songs that came to mind.







which reminds me of something.
smiling to myself. amused.
*wink*

same old story

it's been two weeks since school reopened, and now im halfway thru my poly studies.

and that 1 1/2 years have seen a lot of changes in me; or rather, traits, good and bad, that had been hiding under my skin before i enter this self-discovering, self-destructing tertiary life.

and it is at this point i realise that my chances for getting into a decent university, let alone a well-established one, lie in my own bare hands. and the bottle is half-empty now, due to my own wrong doing. but, looking on a brighter side, i still have space to fill.. as much as i can muster.

and looking as it is now, while squinting to predict a slice of what might become in that far horizon...

God,
i've wasted a lot
and therefore,
i've double the burden,
double the responsibility..
i've to make up for all the loss..

i am halfway til the end
what do i want my end to be like?

God,
i can taste that bitter future
if only i can reassure myself
that i can change what is not yet done
i can, i can, i can!

i am so afraid
that i might fail.

God,
please..
lend me double the strength,
double the will,
chain my desires!
lock up the devil in me!
for i only wish to strive
for that sweet victory in the end.



she says:
u wanna knw wat motivate

analiy says:
sure

she says:
whn i'm so tired of struggling

she says:
well ALLAH's love i used 2 aim for my dreams for my parent but sohow tt just not enough. n i do not feel tHey appreciate it

she says:
but whn i fight for HIM i knw indirectly n sohow i feel HIS present n motivation tt how or not i'll drop all n not fight anymore cz it's v tiring on my part

analiy says:
i dont understand your last sentence

she says:
well if i fight 4 anyone else beside HIM i'll give up. cz i'm v tired

she says:
i an emotionally n physically

analiy says:
wow....

analiy says:
hmmm....

analiy says:
thanks for sharing

analiy says:
what you shared kind of enlightened me...

analiy says:
=)

she says:
n insY it help u through

analiy says:
thanks

she says:
cz i start getting fed up of skol until well i rember tt hope it help u cz i knw at the finisng line HE's waiting

analiy says:
oooo

analiy says:
yes, He's waiting

analiy says:
='(

she says:
n of cz no suffering goes with HIM noticing

she says:
cz it show HE love us n pls remind tis whn i forget cz i do forget it

analiy says:
ok

analiy says:
=)



thank you, O Allah, for this subtle reminder thru the lips and hands of this friend of mine.

Guide us thru and thru, Ya Rabb~

htech lab + semangat national day pics

found a photo album in my shutterfly account while going to upload pictures from 'adilah-azizah-liyana-zakiah outing.

got pictures from htech (histological techniques) lab session (slack habissssss! i think it was the last lab session for the subject), from the last french tutorial (my tutor's the dark-haired one), and pics of the AG12 malay girls at the back of Flavours, the AS canteen.

*the link has been removed. sorry.*


few pictures from thumbdrive (but no french tutorial pics)





finally! =)

Alhamdulillah~ akhirnya.. rinduku terubat jua..!

tak dapat dibayangkan betapa gembiranya aku dapat bertemu kembali dengan rakan2 seperjuangan. aku cukup terharu. rasa gembira bercampur sedih dan bersyukur silih berganti.. at several points, airmataku bergenang.. ku cuba sedaya upaya untuk membendung perasaan yang kadang2 terlalu overwhelming..

ahh.. aku dapat menarik nafas lega.

Terima kasih, Tuhan.. kerana memberiku umur yang panjang, kesihatan dan waktu untuk bersama mereka di bulan yang mulia ini. meski aku tidak dapat berinteraksi dengan mereka dengan sepuas2nya.. aku tetap bersyukur di atas ni'matMu ini..

meski seorang kawanku tidak dapat datang, lantas aku berasa sedih sekali kerana kami berdua masih diuji dengan perpisahan.. aku tabah, Ya Allah... jika ada rezeki, kita pasti bertemu, sahabat..

19.10.2007

di bawah ada beberapa gambar yang dapat aku petik sewaktu jalan raya kami ^.^ sebenarnya, ada banyak lagi.. tapi yang lain tu, aku simpan dahulu.. bila aku sudah dapat gambar2 lagi daripada kawan2ku, aku akan kumpulkan dalam satu online album.. selepas tu, baru aku letak linknya di sini.


wah... dah besar satu2 kawan aku nih! aszafirah, kamaliah, mardhiah, kak hairani dan kak ummu.. masing2 kelihatan lebih matang.. ada juga yang cukup bergaya! hehe..


di rumah ust ratnadumilah..



"awak nak buktikan kat saya kan.."
masya Allah.. tersentak aku bila mendengar ust mengungkapkan kata2 itu sewaktu bersalaman dengannya. terus aku menjadi sensitif.. aku hampir2 menitiskan airmata. Ya Tuhan.. terima kasih di atas peringatan ini.. ya, aku terlupa, bahawa aku telah menulis kata2 janji kepada guruku di dalam sebuah kad dulu.. hmm.. kad apa ya? kalau tak silap aku.. kad hari guru..
rasa terharu bersulam dengan rasa berat di hati.. terasa seolah2 aku tidak mampu untuk mengotakan janjiku.. Ya Tuhan.. berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk memikul amanah ini.. harapan guru2 serta ibubapaku..



huhu... kamaliah maintain muka ke pe...? =p it's great to see aszafirah, kamaliah and khadijah.. buat mel and dja, ana doakan persahabatan korang kukuh... moga takkan ada perang besar antara korang lagi. tapi yang pastinya, permusuhan yang dahulu kini berubah menjadi satu ikatan yang erat. alhamdulillah~ to me, that's one amazing miracle! Indahnya aturan Allah..!


kak hairani, murni, 'adilah, kak ummu dan nafisah.
Murni, pengorbanan anti takkan sia-sia, insha Allah..
Tuhan, berikanlah kelapangan kepada rakanku itu.. kurniakanlah rezekiMu pada keluarganya.. amiin~

naqi muzaffar. 2 tahun. adik murni. aku suka mendengar suaranya.. comel! and he was a good boy the whole dayy..! ohh.. aku mendukungnya dari traffic light sampai rumah ust suhana. fuh~ berat..!! bila tengah solat tu, rasa sangat yang pergerakan lenganku dah jadi slowww.. must be the muscles. heh.



bersama ust saniah

bersama ust damawiyah


di rumah ust suhana


murni, nafisah, 'adilah dan kak ummu


di rumah ust kamsinah.. nak dekat pukul 11 malam - walau penat, masing2 masih mengukir senyuman..
cuma,
buat seorang sahabatku: anti, ana faham yang anti dah penat, lantas tak sabar2 menunggu sesi 'fotografi' selesai. tapi, ana tak suka bila anti merungut tentang 'inefficiency' pemetik gambar tu.. anti kawan ana, and i care for you, my dear friend.. besar harapan ana untuk melihat anti bukan sahaja lebih baik dari segi penampilan, tapi juga akhlak. bila anti merungut sebegitu, ana terkejut sedikit.. coz that part of you is still there.
walau apa pun, ana tetap doakan yang terbaik buat anti =)


dear 'adilah, aszafirah, kak hairani, hazimah, kamaliah, khadijah, liyana, mardhiah, murni, nafisah, kak ummu...

thank you for the company.

kepada teman2 yang masih belum ku jumpa dan bertanya khabar,

im waiting for that day to arrive, let's wait together k? moga dipanjangkan umur.. and i want you guys to know that i'm missing you.. :'(

what i've been up to

assalamu 'alaikum, semua~

it's been more than a month since i last posted a proper entry.. lots of things have happened, and along the way, i gained new experiences and felt various, well, feelings. yupz.

let's see..


main examinations

all i can say is, sometimes i hate myself. why is it that whenever exam period comes, i would study late at night? why couldnt i prepare for my exams earlier? why, why, why have i not changed?

hmmm.... hamdan lillah, certain papers and questions were quite easy. and some, well, not to say 'not easy'.. rather, i didnt study or memorise those parts.. so, too bad, i lost precious marks there. takpelah, mungkin memang me deserve it..

the paper that i was most afraid of was molecular genetics. i failed my term test, my practical test, and i usually didnt do my tutorial, i knew that my CA percentage was near marginal.. i had really hope i didnt fail my CA component.. anyway, i could say that i studied hard for the main exam, coz i need to get sufficient percentage to ensure that i could pass the subject, never mind if it's a 'just pass'..

bila exam dah selesai tu.. rase lega jugak.. but negativity reigned.

coz i knew i screwed up a lot.
coz i knew i wasted a lot of time and opportunities.
yupz.

the results? a distinction (french ^.^), B+, B, C+ and C.

im definitely not an A student.

and yeah, my gpa dropped.. still a 3.pointer though. alhamdulillah~


RR'07

i was given the opportunity to be part of the organising committee. it's a great experience - got to learn how to organise an event, liaise with outside parties, do admin work, paper work.. plus, new friends =)

dari segi pembangunan diri, hmmm... memang banyak yang dipelajari. tarbiyah dari segi emosi, kepimpinan, keperibadian, spiritual... Ya Allah.. terima kasih di atas segalanya.

klw nak cerita ttg RR'07 kat sini, it'll take forever. heh. since im the sort of person who, after some time, looses the idea and enthusiasm to write and remember.. plus, it's cumbersome to find the right words.


a new camera... which drowned

the camera that we had since 2004 (or is it 2003?) had been showing signs of 'old age'.. so, we bought a new one, pentax 7.1 mega pixel, at a good price, $249. plus, we got free 1Gb memory card.

and then.....

during RR'07 recce, while a bunch of us were in a boat at kallang river, the camera slipped into the water.

yes.

it was gone. forever.

when we realised that the camera was nowhere to be found, i lost my enthusiasm and joy. all the way til the end of the recce, my mind was occupied with 'how to repay the money that my mother had paid for the camera'.. it was her hard-earned money. and i blamed myself for losing it.. although the fact was, someone else lost it. but i couldn't afford to blame or be angry at this person. all i could think of was to forgive him, and to not let him pay for what he had done. even though, at some points, the other me reasoned argued that he should.

but no. i was too busy feeling guilty for not listening to my instinct (i had a feeling prior to going into the boat that leaving the camera with other people+on water was a bad move), and for losing a new thing that belonged to the family.

hmm... ok, me mcm dah serik nak pegang camera sendiri. and aqila sometimes tries to be sarcastic and make me feel guilty. but you know what? i just dont give a damn about the incident anymore. i simply take it as a learning experience. anyway, aqila is insisting, or shall i say demanding?, that we get a new camera before raya. =S oh tidaaakk!!


ramadhan 1428H

alas! i live long enough to welcome this blessed month =) and i got the opportunity to mosque-hop on certain days for tarawih. and qiyam too.. tapi for that, me dapat dua masjid je: alkaff kg melayu and ghufran.

cuma... the last 10 days of ramadhan.. 1st few days dapat ah.. tapi sekarang smpi akhir ramadhan.. gonna miss 'em.. cheer up, wahai diri, pastinya ade hikmah di sebalik ujian ni.

and...

im not looking forward to raya... can we have another month of ramadhan?


iftar events

tahun ni, i didnt get to go to any poly/uni MS iftar.. ade yang clash with RR'07, or other iftar sessions.. oh well, insha Allah, klw ade rezeki, tahun depan me nak nak nak pegi, nak gi NUSMS, NTUMS, NPMSS, and NYPMS iftars..

the ones that i went were iftar with my 5 classmates - dina, fana, nana, rusy and tira, and iftar organised by impian. the latter was a good opportunity to familiarise myself with impian, its people and.. yeah, it felt great to be back in a 'madrasah students' bi'ah...

and... NI iftar! yeah~ it's good to be back, seeing the faces of the alumni, the comm members, and our friends from the different polys. plus, this time, there were also ITE students and few facis from RR'07. although... me tak dapat join the cleaning session, coz got grading. tapi takpe, me still suker, suker, sukerr. heh!


raya preparations

gone to geylang.. gone to arab st.. gone to johore.. the usual needs - clothes, tudung, kuihs - for raya have been fulfilled.. memang bagus klw kite settle benda2 ni awal2 ramadhan kan? jadi bila akhir2 ramadhan, tak usah kelam kabut, and kite boleh concentrate buat kerje2 lain.

in case you're wondering, no, i dont bake any cookies this time. tak kuasa..!

and as usual, the house, esp my room, needs tidying (err.. grammar betul ke?)


and speaking of grammar, someone has just finished taking her psle exams.. i hope she had done well, and that she will not be disappointed when the results come out (late november).. Ya Allah.. berikanlah dia kejayaan.. sesungguhNya Engkau Maha Mengetahui apa yang terbaik buatnya..


okie dokie, i think this is enough for now. untuk post ni je, it took me more than 1 hour to complete.

hingga bertemu lagi di post yang lain...!

-- fade to black --

videos for keepsake

Ramadhan Rocks v. Xtreme 1428


Logistics team with their antics
1st day, at CCAC, shortly before noon or afternoon, not sure..




nasheed performance by Saff brothers
morning of the last day




Feature in Berita Suria
22 september 2007, 8pm




feature in Warna Ramadhan
30 september 2007, some time around 6.45pm (the show itself started at 6pm)



cimg4899.avi


feedback by admin head
during post-mortem, 1 october 2007



cimg4923.avi

Iraq..

look at the everyday scene.

look at the families.

look at the houses.

look at the children.

and i wonder if those buildings still stand,
the families still complete,
the children still alive.

اللهم انصر اخواننا فى عراق



target sparring

14.8.2007 - my first training after 3-4 weeks of absence.










there were better ones.. but when i wanted to record a better demo of target sparring, my camera battery went flat. oh well~

pump it! LOUDER!

saw this video during one of the elf meetings. hilarious, i tell you! i was entertained by their antics. indeed.

=)

warning: for those who dont like rap/hip hop songs, n those who dont like to watch crappy videos, please dont bother to watch this. well, there's no porn or vulgarities .. so it's really up to you.

enjoy!



some worries

should sisters be in logistics? coz based on experience from seniors... it's hard to control the situation esp one the event day.

will the concept paper be a strong, persuasive and impressive one? coz we need a good proposal to get sponsors.

how will the budget be covered? will it be covered? again, concept paper~~

how about wet weather programme? seeing the activities lined up, if it rains, it's gonna cause some major delay, or even, change of activities.

will the pax get the message that we want to put across to them? or will they be too tired and exhausted by the end of the day that they just want to sleep in peace? or will they have too much fun that the message just cant get into their heads and hearts?

will i be able to handle the last minute changes, interruptions, problems, dilemmas.. on the event day? will i be able to make a decision that it is needed so suddenly? will i be able to execute quickly yet effectively?


and i have exams to worry about~

national poomsae 2007

the day started off quite bad..... i woke up to the vibration of my handphone - pei yong was calling. and i realised it was 8.40am. the bad news was, i was supposed to be at the toa payoh sports hall at 8.30am. worst, i had 7 missed calls!!

feeling guilty n sleepy, i told pei yong something like 'im going out of my house soon', or was it 'im ironing my clothes'... such a liar!! and it turned out that pei yong had sensed it. heh, since my voice was the typical 'baru-bangun-tido-nye-suare'.

keluar rumah... sempat gi mcdonald's beli breakfast.. huhu.. tapi nasib baik ku beli makanan, coz kat sana takde jual makanan yang halal lagi memuaskan.

and so, the place was quite crowded. at this point of writing, i cant remember whether there were more people during poomsae or during grading. lots of kids, teenagers, adults.. i even saw people from races other than malay, chinese and indian.

yanning and i were in the female single category.
peiyong, yanning and i were in the female group category.

female single category:

i saw few familiar faces.. from the IVP last march. it was straight away the semi-finals as there were only around 12-15 participants (i cant remember exactly how many) vying for the top 8 places in the finals.

i was pretty nervous.. oh, yes! but personally, i thought that single category is much easier to handle since you have yourself to control, to focus on. i cant really describe the feelings when i was there on the blue-yellow mat.. sorry, it was months ago, and i just cant recall.

suprisingly, i was among the top 5 scorers. so was yanning. so both of us managed to get to the finals! alhamdulillah~~~~~~

it was such a looooonggg wait for the final round. i couldnt sit still, or even eat the pizza that we ordered for lunch.

anyway, for tkd poomsae, we need to know 2 pattern. sam-jang and sa-jang.

sam-jang pattern is like this:



click here if you cant view the video.


the sa-jang pattern is like this:



click here if you cant view the video.


of course lah, my sidekick is much worst than the girls' in the video. their frontkicks are impressive too.

the final round --------

again, i cant remember how i felt, what i hoped, but i do remember that the pattern went quite well... until the last part. (oh ya, before i forget: we had to do sa-jang in semi-final, and sam-jang in final).

as i turned to do low block-punch-low block-punch-low block-frontkick-punch-low block-frontkick-punch, i suddenly, utterly did the front kick at the wrong order. (kicking is supposed to be during the last two sub-parts of the last part, not anywhere during the first two) fuh~ rosak, rosak~ n from there, my pattern was not in order.

i was disappointed with my score. if i had not screwed up that last bit, i would have gotten a higher position. i got the 8th place. tapikan, the trophy is the same as the 3rd place's (yanning got 3rd) but a bit shorter.

tapi bila pikir balik... masya Allah~ mudah je Allah nak tarik balik ingatan kita.. betape byk kali kite practise/hafal, dgn sekelip mata, you can forget. hmmm... me pasti, ade hikmah di sebalik ape yang berlaku. takpelah... Allah nak ajar me supaye lebih sabar and tabah dgn unexpected things, n redha dgn keputusan. n mungkin Allah nak balas dosa2 me (now that i think of it, it could be coz of lying to pei yong) dgn cara ni. nasib baik, bukan dgn cara yang lebih buruk.



liyana, nick, daniel, darrel, andre, janice, yanning and gui wen


tiffany, nick, bryan sir, darrel, daniel
grace, janice, gui wen, pei yong, yanning




female group category:

believe it or not, there were only 3 teams competing in this category. TP, meridian JC and a group from a club.

we were the last team to go.. meridian JC team score quite well - 7.something. ok, so we lined up at the side of the mat, walked to our positions (the walking part, i screwed up too, my hand n leg movements werent the same as pei yong's and yanning's -.-"), bowed, and got ready in the start position (the command is 'JOONBE' [june-bee])

and then, something happened.

yanning and i heard the commander saying the pattern name. while pei yong heard him saying 'start'. so, she started to move. yanning was suprised. I, was shocked! yanning quickly recovered and followed pei yong, while I was stunned. it was like, my body refused to move, my mind said "guys~ we should restart!".. but then, i started my pattern, quite rushing (and thus, incomplete moves) since i wanted to catch up with pei yong and yanning. i could hear pei yong saying 'slow down'.. maybe to herself n yanning (so i can catch up) or to me (so i wont go rushing all the way).

man, it was disastrous!!!!!!!!!!! while i was doing the pattern, i remember thinking that "oh no~ our hopes just went down the drain~~"

but we ended the pattern quite in unison.

click here to see the video.

and the most unbelievable thing is, we won the 1st place!! bizarre~ bizarre~ we were only 0.2 points higher than mjc. err... that was what people say ah... but main point is, it was a really close shave.

yeah~ this is one event to remember, dear self! quite amazing.. and to really think about it, we dont deserve the 1st place. for me, this win doesnt reflect our hard work, rather, it shows how a miracle can happen in a quick flash. and fortunately for us, that miracle was on our side.



while waiting for our turn




with the bronze-coloured trophies for single category.. we were waiting for our gold trophies.. heh.


beside yanning is girlene, bryan sir's wife. they got gold for mixed pair category.


yeah, we won something.. ^.^