antara tanggungjawab dgn kehendak hati...

i didnt sleep well this morning. frustrated sey...badan dah penat, tp tk selesa tido. dah lah angin tk masuk! ape gunenye tgl kt tingkat yg tinggi tp tkde angin?! urgh! n then, katil asyik creak aje...not my side, tp kt atas..or somewhere there.. no, it's not scary. it's damn irritating! creak nye bukan smbrgn...bunyi nye mcm clock ticking, tp sometimes irregular..sometimes rase dekat nah dgn telinge! kan susah kite nk tido! betul ar..me nk cari source bunyi tu. dah betulkan tilam kt tingkat atas pon masih bunyi jugak, albeit faint. however, i believe my body movement also affects the sound. yeah, i've done a bit of experiment.

anyway, semalam me pergi mks...ade iftar jamaie. bagus jugak ah me gi sane..klw tidak tk terhafal2 surah baru..haiz~ klw malas mcm gini, biler lah nk khatam?! me sampai siang..pukul 3 lebih..dgn huda sekali. tpkan, biler duduk menghafal tu, tk concentrate plak..my mind was on the iftar. yelah, risau jugak..takut2 tk ramai org turn up. jd me msg sane, msg sini..fuyo~ nasib baik gunekan hp ayah..hehe~ tu satu hal, lagi satu..kt sape nk mintak izin? yelah, kite nk gunekan bilik kt sebelah auditorium tu..alhamdulillah~ perkara tu beres..suami ust sakinah kate boleh gunekan, tp kena "ensure that the room is clean before all of you go"..something like that ah.."kita tak nak ada bau2 makanan.." haiz~ akibatnye, me pon risau jugak klw ade bits n pieces of food kt floor tu..tk senang me dibuatnye! tp tkpelah, demi kebaikan semua :)

hmmm...suami ust sakinah ajak pergi rawatan. oh! bestnye! baik plak dia ajak.. sebenarnye, me nak jugaklah tgk dgn mate kepale sendiri mcmane rawatan nie dijalankan.. mesti gerek kan? sadly though, i decided that i couldnt go. why? well, me tk boleh tglkn aktiviti iftar tu begitu sahaje. i must be there from start to finish. kan mcm kelakar gitu, me semangat2 datang awal, beli makanan..tp, end up me tk tolong kemas or selesaikan aktiviti nie dgn sempurna. haaa~ nanti ape pulak yg lain kate?!

n so, this kind of circumstance reflects this post's title. alhamdulillah~ i chose tanggungjawab. ye, mungkin perkara nie perkara kecil..dan me diuji dgn perkara kecil seperti ini. biase2kan dgn perkara2 kecil dulu, ye tak? jd klw ade perkara besar dan amat penting..n i have to make a decision..im well prepared for it.. tpkan, biler pikir balik..tkkn asyik ikut tanggungjawab je..kehendak sendiri macam mane??? im very aware that tanggungjawab itu lebih penting dari kehendak hati. in most situations, of course. but i think, there ARE situations where we must/should follow our hearts, for once, and abandon our responsibility, for once. and maybe, it'll turn out ok. who knows?? yelah, kesian jugak lilin tu.. membakar diri sendiri untuk memberi cahaya kpd manusia..it's its responsibility..but we humans wouldnt want to burn ourselves to ashes just to fulfil our responsibilities, would we??

another scenario of "antara tanggungjawab dgn kehendak hati":
masa tu hari raya, gi rumah guru. khairunnisa nak balik..dah malam dah..rumahnye kt beach rd..kan bahaye jln kt tpt2 sunyi sorang2..mase tu kite nk pergi rmh kak ummu, last house, dr rumah ust juliah..n so, org yg tgl dkt dgn khairun ialah >> afeyah..

afeyah pujuk khairun..rumah kak ummu tu last house..jd slps tu boleh balik same2.. tp khairun tk nk..dia nk balik jugak.. (alahai~) on that time, adilah n i were on the scene too..n we knew afeyah nak pergi rumah kak ummu.. afeyah relented although i could see from the face that she wasnt looking forward to go home before she could visit kak ummu's house.

what did i do then? i encouraged afeyah to accompany khairun home. adilah tgk semcm.. i knew that she expected me to be on afeyah's side..but to me, it's better for her to go home with khairun.. kesian jugak me tgk afeyah.. she looked defeated.. i hope she didnt think that i purposely halau her or something. no, it wasnt what my action meant. let's do a bit of hypothesis here: klw something bad happen to khairun mcmane??? wont afeyah regret later if she didnt accompany khairun?? bagi me, amat baik sekali afeyah nk temankan khairun balik, walaupun dia sendiri nk gi rumah kak ummu. jd, teruskanlah dgn niat baik tu..dpt pahala pe.. sometimes friendship needs sacrifice, sape yg tk tahu hakikat tu??

ok, ok..mungkin khairun sepatutnye tolerant ah sikit..i mean, klw gi rumah kak ummu, nanti balik same2 dgn afeyah jugak pe..but that wasnt how it is..in fact, she was adamant to go home..so, kite kene sesuaikan dgn situasi tu..mungkin klw khairun bertolak ansur, dua2 pihak berpuas hati..that would've been much better. tp, khairun nk sgt balik, so afeyah ade dua pilihan: samade dia ikut khairun atau ikut kite (me, adilah n yg lain2)...no more choices, right?? n so, she chose the former. i respect her for her choice. it's a right one, well, to me at least.

enough said.

tk ramai yg dtg iftar..dlm tujuh org je..tk termasuk ust sakinah ah..tp, puas makan! hehe~ alhamdulillah~ ade one part tu: part makan popiah..well, i wanted to try it, until i looked closely at the popiah skin n smelled the popiah..nak kate basi, tk kot. tp rasenye..umm..ntah eh..baunye pon tk ok. actually, what really turned me off was the skin. one look, nmpk mcm dah basi/rosak..i even thought that maybe mould had appeared! ish!

so people, bukan lah me dah tk boleh mkn lagi..but the food itself yg buat me tk nk mkn..but then, tkpelah..me lantak je..naseb baik huda makan sikit..klw tidak.. urgh! i actually thought of vomiting up all the food. im not anorexic ok? it's just that me dah BYK sgt makan..plus the popiah..*sigh*

ok lah..dah cukup panjang entry nie..kejap2 save.. hmmmm..