Selected pictures from RR'08

kak hairani, our RR resident designer and huda lee, the safety officer and a fellow MS-ian from NYP.

still fresh in my mind..

"Kak, can I hug you?" ... i hugged her tight.

and i'm sure the day will come where i will get to know Huda more. bi idznillah..!

my teammates. no, she's not my adik, ye. heheh.

oh, and btw, i like my sandals very much!!! paham2 je ah.. dah 6-7 tahun tak pakai sandal.. so, mcm excited gitu. (hahaha.. liyana merepek!) altho masa first2 tu, rasa a bit awkward. but nvm. i finally got to buy one with my own money~

ni lah dia, faci-faci muslimah yang sepatutnyer menunjukkan good example kpd peserta2. haiz~ -_-"

anyway, what came to my mind was.. facilitators nih, mcm satu community/group gitu.. like, we're part organiser, part participant.. kita tak terikat dgn mane2.. but we're the bridge.. like what people have said, "facilitators, you either make it or break it!"

for me, it was nice to be in this close-knit group =) a different experience (oohh.. i'll talk about my experience in another post~)

that is my Brother ^_^

my ermm... bunk mates? basically, we were seating where we would be sleeping uh. heh. anyway (eh, berape byk anyway daaa..?), i got the opportunity to get to know kak azimah, the one in purple. she was my alsagoff senior, tapi transfered to al-maarif during her secondary level. selama ni, pernah nampak dia je.. alhamdulillah.. bila on the first night, while waiting for the rest to finish tarawih, i got to break the ice (after so many years, to think of it!).. with hani (in blue) as the 'bridge'. =)

participants playing "SimonEmcee Says".. batman, superman, cicakman, spiderman semua keluar eh.

one of the propped games - walk the alphabets. uwah~ sabar je main game ni. i lost count how many times my group tried. as for myself? i didnt join til the last bit, coz i was on my 'observing' mode.. to try and figure out the lesson points from what the pax were experiencing.

after propped games, we had treasure hunt on bikes. one station was the minefield. hah! teringat time primary 6 dulu, i played this game masa camp sekolah.. kat sentosa. then, there was a 'number game' where the pax, without prior planning/coordination, have to shout out a number in sequence. yeah, they have to close their eyes. sape2 overlap, kena restart.

actually, we had to hunt for body parts. at the end of it, we would be allowed to use the body parts that we got to play this "transfer-this-cup-of-water-to-another-pail" game.

hmm.. i didnt join most of the games. one part of me didnt feel like playing. rather, i thought i should be the one to observe what was happening (my co-faci was the one 'in' the group). perhaps, keeping note of some things that i could use for debrief later. hmm.. i guess i was quite influenced with the ELF way. i mean, slipping in and out ah.. kadang2 join, kadang2 tak. altho im one who can get enthusiastic at times, i must be mindful that i am a facilitator, not a participant.

we then proceeded to the high ropes course. ooohh~ you wouldnt want to see the pictures. no, not of the pax who got up there. rather, of the pax/personnel/faci down below. or in the shelter. or in the buggy (is that what it's called?). haha.. it was indeed, a lazy and sleepy afternoon. zZzzZzz~

i was hesitant.. unsure, when was the best time to debrief my teammates.. betOl~ dilemma sgt2! finally, had a simple one before asar prayers.. hmm.. ntahlah, my gut feeling said i should do another one. coz the points explained, erm.. mcm tak cukup 'deep' gitu. surface2 je. hmm..

there was a mass debriefing too. the personnel did their best, i believe.

after tarawih, ada 'reflection session'. uwah! ni saya betOl2 tak suka! apa tidaknya, the environment is not suitable laaahh~.. yes, i understood totally that we had to be cramped inside the MPH due to the bad weather. i had thought of bringing my team at least jauh sikit.. somewhere ah.. seriously, i had a tough time convincing myself that the message could be sent across.

tapi takpe. i just shared what i felt. and briefed them about what to do (they were supposed to write on a piece of paper about... err.. ape eh? i think it was what they have learnt in RR'08 thus far). tried to stimulate them to think deeper.. feel more. hmm.. susah sgt. sebab diri tak rasa selesa.

k, in case you are beginning to wonder where my co-faci was.. she was beside me =) she was quite helpful, alhamdulillah~ in terms of getting the pax hyped up.. giving inputs/prompting the pax during the debrief.. yupz, she took care of the pax and befriended them. hehe.. honestly, i kinda think the pax were more comfortable with her than me.

and then, there was the supper! with the signature ice-cream. chett! i have a feeling the organisers sengaja include this in again. finale lah katekan~ haha.

dah tu, around 12 midnight, we facis (sisters) came together to crack our brains (i didnt crack mine ah) for the faci performance the next morning (uwarrrrggghh~ kalau takde tak boleh eh? leceh sey~).. tgh duduk2 tu, ade beberapa idea yang dihidangkan di atas meja (k, lame).. dah set, we went to a more secluded space to practise. part ni kelakar maut sey~ dgn gelagat2 yang merepek, melucukan, lagi gempak! ish ish ish~ malam2 ni tau. shhhh! tertahan2 kite ketawa.

next, faci debrief and feedback session. then, sleep time! but no, i sat with kak hanis, kak eszra and kak rufi. listened to kak hanis' dilemma.. and we (or rather, the 3 sisters) shared stories and experiences. sampai pukol 2 lebih. @.@ but i cherished that moment! another bonding opportunity with the 3 individuals, especially kak eszra and kak hanis.

subuh prayers. syahdu gitu~

my brother and i.

this is one of the rare brother-sister pictures that i have. rasa2nyer, ade dalam 5 je kot.

hmmm... what can i say?

this was the second activity we had together. the first was IGM. tak pernah2 me ajak my brother. but i began to feel and see the need for me to get my brother involved. you know, sometimes, i can see that there is goodness in him. needs to be pushed to the open. nurtured. everyone is like that. especially now that he's engaged. so, i thought that it will be good to introduce him to the bros that i know. hmmm... takpe, bit by bit, my dear self. apa pun, jgn putus2 berdoa untuk dia dan keluarga k!

hmm.. i encouraged him to go for the stong trip.. but, 1. he was busy 2. i couldnt join (klw free pon, mesti tak boleh punyer~). ye lah, klw abang pergi sorang, nanti awkward pulak dia.

and so, for RR'08.. i felt that it would be a good start, no matter how small. alhamdulillah.. that abang digerakkan hatinye untuk membantu. hmm... now i need to find suitable follow-up(s). and i do hope my brother was at ease the whole time there, and made new friends. yupz!

self-explanatory.

syukur.. syukur.. syukur padaNya di atas ukhwah ini..

what do i think of RR'08? how was the ending? hmm... i'll keep my thoughts and the rest of my story for another post. inshaAllah.

last but not least, i did a bit of tweaking here and there. below is the final piece (one of 3 actually, different borders). i call it "my favourite expressions".

Give up what you want at the moment for something you want most in life.


it's very hard to focus.
at the moment, i wonder if i can quit and do something else.
but no, i can't.
not yet.

what i want most in life,
hmm..
still undecided.

Ya Allah, ease the path for me..

let the pictures do the talking..

a birthday present from my scandal junior. nope, not recent one. it was 3 years ago! haha.. simpan dlm almari for nearly 3 years, with the wrapper.. sebab cantik nah gelasnyer =)


finally decided to use it for my sip days. and guess what? the pics were taken in the ladies! coz kat dlm office, ade boss uh.. heh.


a meeting with SP, at SP. first time dapat jejakkan kaki ke situ.. dapat jugak explore few areas while waiting for marliyana. btw, in the pic: syakirah SP and marliyana TP. oh, and SP got popular (!!), pizza hut, mcdonald's and kfc.


maisarah and far'ain from NPMSS. tmsn meeting. met them for the first time there =)


kak nadiah from SIM.. ameerah persatuan.. segan jugak bila dia ada.. not really intimidated ah.. more to rasa kagum.. seorang ameerah, pastinya dia mempunyai kewibawaan, semangat yang jitu dan keberanian.. mudah2an urusannya dimudahkan Allah =)


my first activity on a particular sunday. mind you, it was about 9 in the morning. tak pernah2 me see afeyah off to DQ.. but that sunday was special.. coz it was gonna be our last time together.. perhaps the next one is gonna be 4 years later? and it's great to see kak juwita again! nama je tinggal dekat, tapi kita jarang sekali jumpa.. i truly appreciate the times when we went to mks, and balik from mks, together.. or bila gi kelas ustaz ahmad. alhamdulillah di atas ikatan ukhwah ini.. klw dgn kak solehah.. heee... ni me segan jugak. but i do hope i can get to know her better one day..


after seeing the DQians off, me and adilah gi makan breakfast kat zam zam.. aahh.. again, im thankful for these last few moments with her =) afterwards, i went to EXPO for the NLB book sale (!!!). thanks to kak rufi who told me about it few days before. and yea, my partner in crime book-shopping was kak maryam. whee~~~ and you know what i thought? bila kite dah syiok sgt cari2 buku, we dont care how we look. i mean, dgn bag plastic (in my case, recyclable bag) or basket yang penuh, and bukan itu sahaja, tangan pon penuh dgn buku.. alahai~ mcm dah tak ingat orang. hehe..
but the atmosphere there was peaceful ah.. the background music pon best. evergreen.. so yang middle-aged, pakcik makcik terhibur jugak. ade jugak orang beside me who sang along under their breaths.. or hummed.. cute!


yes! setelah ku membeli buku2.. i think it was two plastic bags.. tapi kak maryam bawak balikkan satu, i went to mks. alhamdulillah~ glad i did.. tak kisah lah diri dah rasa a bit penat.. bawak a plastic of books and my own bag.. and i had been walking since morning.. but it was worth it, to be with my two dear sisters and few others. oh! and i met someone who is from ntums, and she's in thfz too! alhamdulillah...!


after asar, gi majlis kenduri liyana rahaim pulak~ guess which one is her? hmm.. miss her sometimes.. still remember her testimonial for me kat friendster.. haha.. kita sama2 gurga lah, liyana! haha.. but i always believe in the good side of her, the soft part of her... mudah2an, pengalaman belajar dan tinggal di mesir dapat mendidik anti menjadi muslimah yang lebih baik, pelajar yang benar2 menghayati ilmu, dan sahabat yang sejati =) jangan sia2kan peluang yang ada k?


this pic was taken during IGM.. woo hoo~ first time panjat rock wall kat safra lah sey~ sukerrr! maklum je lah, RR'06 and RR'07 me tgk orang panjat je.. got to meet up with few sisters from RR'07 ^_^ ooohh.. it was a good time for me and kak maryam to get to know erni NYPMS better too, or at least, for her to get more comfortable with us. coz time tu, we were in the dtalk admin team, and jarang meet. but later kan, i realise that during d-talk itself was the best time for the three of us.. we bonded lah, amidst the preparation for registration, the looooonnnggg night of doing admin stuff and whatnots.


TP/NI sisters, after they had their study time and maghrib~ two new sisters for me: farzanah and begum farah. i had known/met farah before ah.. we smile/approach each other when we bum into each other.. but that night was the first time for the both of us to be in the same setting. and she speaks well, alright!


went to watch the musabaqah after work at sc, on a saturday. reminiscing the moments uh.. the feeling of nervousness, or bila dah hafal2, tapi blank bila on stage.. the murajaah moments before your own turn.. haiz~ i actually thought of participating, but changed my mind coz i figured i wouldnt finish murajaah on time.

(to be continued)

of teachers and rebellious kids

okay, so, apparently, Dangerous Minds is not better than The Freedom Writers.

the movie was okay-okay, not much action or suspense.. or moving moments, solid plot.

dah berzaman sey kepingin nak tgk Dangerous Minds, finally found it just now kat YouTube. bila dah tgk, nak kata disappointed, tak jugak.


so far, movies of the same 'genre' that i have watched and enjoyed are Sister Act 1 & 2, To Sir With Love, Les Choristes, The School of Rock, Take the Lead, The Freedom Writers.. and I would say, Les Choristes and The Freedom Writers are the best yet! I recommend you to watch these two.

ayah sedang memperkatakan tentang wahabi..

hati saya terasa panas..


Ya Allah.. aku masih mencari..
mana satukah yang benar ya Rabb?
firqah itu, firqah ini..
toriqoh itu, toriqoh ini..
salafi, wahabi, dan banyak lagi..

aku mahu mencari yang benar ya Rabb
agar hatiku tenang..
agar aku dapat beribadah dgn tenang..

tapi, aku sedang keliru..

Ku mohon petunjukMu..

tadi gi bloghopping~ gi blog akhawat2 senior.. hmmm...

saya rindu dgn mereka.. saya rindu nak bersama dgn mereka..

seorang, saya kenal dia daripada musabaqoh syarahan kat alsagoff dulu.

seorang lagi, saya kenal dia dari mirc #IslamicSch.. kemudian terjumpa time nak balik dari majlis maulid kat wak tanjong.. alahai~ tersipu2 bila nampak dia. hehe..

hmmm... dan beberapa orang lagi.

hmmm.. kemudiannya, rata2, pusat tahfiz menjadi tempat kami semua saling kenal-mengenali.. saling membina satu ikatan ukhwah.. saling kuat-menguatkan..

saya rindu dgn mereka.. semuanya di luar negara.. dan sebulan yang lalu, seorang sahabat saya terbang ke bumi kinanah.. tinggal saya seorang.. anti... 4 tahun tu lama.. tapi takpe, anti tak balik pon ana ok.. mudah-mudahan, Allah pertemukan kita lagi eh? ana doakan anti kuat, anti pon doakan ana eh? bila pikir2 tentang situasi ana skrg, tentang masa hadapan, rasa lemah sgt. mcm nak rebah. mcm nak terbang, lari ke mana akhawat ana berada..

saya rindu dgn mereka.. saya rindu dikelilingi akhawat yang punya fikrah yang sama.. ilmu mereka.. pengalaman mereka.. perwatakan mereka..

tempat saya bermanja..
tempat saya meraih ilmu dan nasihat..
tempat saya mendapat peringatan..

masa usrah ahlulquranpts, hmm.. seringkali, saya teringatkan suasana bersama mereka.. saya bersyukur.. kerana Allah masih sayangkan saya, menggerakkan hati saya untuk terus menghadiri usrah..

saya rindu sangat..

im still shaking. terribly.

you know the feeling, "dicengkam rasa takut dan bimbang yang amat sangat"?

yes, that's what im experiencing now.

im just soo afraid of the near future, what it may bring. i think, only after 5 years from today, then i can breathe easily.

i've tried what i can. in this short time. my fault. coz i had more than a week.

i've never felt so trapped..

aku tak mahu berbohong. aku tidak mahu menipu.

Ya Allah.. ampunilah aku.

i cant go back now.

pasrah.

Ya Allah.. permudahkanlah.. Engkau Maha Mengetahui apa yang aku telah lakukan dan alami.

this heart feels heavy. i know that if He wills, what comes around will come around..

*taking deep breaths*

i've tried.. but this deep guilt screams that i've not done enough.

my whole body is in a very very tense mode.

*macam nak nangis*

"... macam orang Malaysia..!.."

"aaahh? takdelah..~"

hehe.. that was what i encountered just now. apa yang macam orang Malaysia? it's the way i talk i guess. k lah, telo.. personally, ntah. macam orang Malaysia ke? i would think that sometimes i talk like makcik2! hahaha.. im sure a lot of my friends agree to that! haha

teringat time raya.. i think it was two years ago. first ke second day of raya ah.. then, my family went to masjid al-mukminin to solat.. kat dalam ladies. klw tak silap, i was talking to my sister. dah tu, ade satu makcik ni tegur, "awak (cant remember how she addressed me) orang Malaysia ke?" or was it "orang Johor".. hehe.. i said "saya orang singapore, cik".. >.^

fikir2 balik, maybe i was influenced by ust salbiah kot. she taught us bahasa melayu.. sejarah Islam.. eh, ape lagi yang ust salbiah ajar eh? akhlak ke? and also, the influence may have come from my few-days stay kat DQ. fuh, dah berzaman sey tu.. 4 years ago, i think.

hehe.. kite cakap ni.. just nak share je.. tak terkilan.. amused adelah. hehe


Oh yes! and eid miilad to my dear friend, Kamaliah...!! ana tak lupa~ cuma mcm malas nak hantar sms. haha! gurau jek. ana doakan anti dilindungi Allah dan sentiasa mendapat taufiq dan hidayah(wa syafiq wa kamaliah.. hehe.. =p)Nya.. apa pun yang anti lakukan, iringi ia dgn semangat yang jitu k. and... im just an MRT station away if you ever need me.. tomorrow ke, next month ke, 2 years later ke.. last but not least, keep up the working-out routine! haha.. ;p

uwaaaahhh~ final. ly.

I've been wanting to upload this video for the longest time sey~ dari oktober tahun lepas.. dan dari oktober tahun lepas tu lah, the video tak di-delete2 dari kameraku. *makan space kat kamera*. akhirnya~ baru kelmarin tukar video format, dan kali ni, windows movie maker tak buat hal. so yeah~ aku telah berjaya meng-overcome challenge ini! (chett~ macam real! -.-")

so, anyway, the video below was one of the few (and it's the longest) i took during Forum Irama II held in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. tak sangka plak liyana boleh interested dlm this kind of event eh? heee.. sebenarnye, curious ah.. nak tahu jugak camne edutainment macam gini goes. so, $15 gwe terbang~~ oh, i went alone. but dpt meet up dgn haziqah afterwards (and having a late bite at McD [dah masuk bukit timah uh :S] with her padahal dah pukul sebelas [read: dah naik cemas coz nanti ayah -----]).



mind you, i never paid attention to the sajak. i was more fascinated by the silat moves, especially the second part (sparring). hmmm... suddenly, im wondering how it'll be like to integrate silat n tkd. i mean, in both sparring and pattern. mesti weird.

i took other vids too:





oh, and i've got some photos:



Forum Irama II: Getaran Jiwa 261007

i was supposed to give my feedback to ust zauwiah after the show... but, ermm.. ni dah lapan, sembilan bulan overdue. heh.

secara jujur, i wasn't clear of the meaning, definition and explanation of 'getaran jiwa' by the performers/organisers/ustazs.. im sure they tried to relate the performances [nasyids, sajak, skit, dikir barat] with the right content, with 'getaran jiwa'.. but i just didnt get it. i guess, to me, the explanation wasnt solid enough. tak mantOp ah. cant remember what they said.. but i remember vividly the feeling/impression i had that night.

maybe it was the mixture of seriousness of the actual message yang nak disampaikan and the entertainment offered/performed, so i guess people tend to pay more attention, or enjoy the latter more. again, this is my biased opinion. true, that it's time to spread the good words and reminders beyond the halls of syarahan, kuliahs, etc, etc, and i admit that the event was a wonderful effort from the organisers. something fresh, no? and from the way it was executed (smooth~, i would say), the organisers had worked hard, and practised hard.

hmmm... yes, it was an 'interactive forum'. so, even though i wasn't terkesan, i hope others were.

now, what exactly was the message, content thruout the show? errmmm... im not so sure right now. i recommend that you visit this web to know more: http://luas-getaranjiwa.blogspot.com/

last but not least, i remembered and liked one song from the show. finally found it at imeem. ;D

On a happier note -

I didnt realise i had missed the date i opened my eyes into this world til about 3 days ago. and that '3 days ago' was 29 days after the Big day, klw tak silap.

Happy belated birthday, my dear =) sorry, belum punya rezki untuk belikan apa2. tunggu bulan november ya? but, i do have some words of wisdom for you to remember and reflect.

^_^

Masih dalam Istikharah - Finale

A snippet from my conversation with a bro whom i respect..

:: One senior :: says: i shall say nothing more than..
:: One senior :: says: to each, Allah has set his/her path...
:: One senior :: says: watever decision u make.. tts His beautiful path for u..

i think, i was unsure.
i think, i was gradually becoming sure.

but my judgement was becoming biased.
aah.. it was happening again - pelajaran ditolak tepi.
yet, i remembered - kalau kita lakukan sesuatu di jalan Allah.. Allah pasti tolong. hmm.. must tajdid niyyah. check and re-check my inner self. coz i always forget. and im always tainted.

And, in the very early morning of 24th May 2008, I've come to a decision. although, to be honest, yes, i remember, i wasn't completely definitely strongly sure with that decision. rupa-rupanya masih ade keraguan. tapi dibiarkan.

analiy says:
assalamu'alaikum
analiy says:
are you still awake?
her senior says:
wa'alaikumussalam wr (: yes i am
analiy says:
haha
analiy says:
k, klw dah ngantok takpe tau
her senior says:
tak lah
her senior says:
blum ngantuk. cume tak tau nak buat ape.
her senior says:
hav u fnished ur assignmnt?
analiy says:
dah
analiy says:
akhirnyer
analiy says:
okay kak...
analiy says:
bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim
her senior says:
yup. im ready.
analiy says:
eh, klw tulis formal kat surat pon orite jugak eh
analiy says:
(k, ni cari alasan nak lambat2 bilang)
analiy says:
k k
her senior says:
hee
analiy says:
i've decided that
her senior says:
jap jap.
analiy says:
with pleasure
analiy says:
i'll wait
her senior says:
apapun keputusan liyana, i believe it is for the best. and forgive me if all this while, my words cam not helping in ur decision making.
my point is i'm ready to hear =)
her senior says:
k dah.
analiy says:
I accept the responsibility as vice-chairperson of Nur Ikhwan AY08/09 Committee.
analiy says:
hmmm... after how many weeks and days... finally, i've made my decision
analiy says:
my parents are okay with it.
analiy says:
and i told them, the duty will start end of june
analiy says:
betol kan?
her senior says:
alhamdulilah. terharu nyer.
analiy says:
=)

Tuhan.. ku rasa agak lemah membaca kembali apa yang telah ku tulis.

ku teringat semula malam itu.. kira-kira tiga tahun lalu.. semasa Orientasi Prisma. ust Zauwiah di sebelahku.
ku teringat kembali hari itu, tiga tahun setengah yang lalu, setelah aku diberi jawatan yang ku rasakan amat berat.
ya, kedua2nya berat.
dan pada malam dan hari itu, ku meratapi segala yang perlu aku sandang dibahu, segala kelemahan, segala kehampaan, segala harapan, segala yang telah berlalu dan akan berlaku.

Tuhan.. mengapakah masih ada rasa takut dalam hati ini?
Tuhan.. mengapakah keyakinanku begitu rapuh?
Jangan bersedih.. jangan gusar.. jangan takut. Innallaha ma'anaa..!
Tapi, mengapa aku masih belum dapat menjiwai kata-kata itu?


Tuhan.. permudahkanlah....

Everyone's out.

The house's mine.

The internet's on.

it's a lazy Sunday, alright.


ooh!


and Wall.E is out...!!!!








k, i've watched it, not really happening ah.. or funny. but still, Wall.E is one cute little robot =)

and... i found this at youtube -



cant wait cantwaitcantwaitcantwait..~~

chit-chat with alumni

setelah berminggu-minggu saye asyik tangguh je untuk blog, kali ni, saye NAK BLOG JUGAK!! tak kisah yang skrg ni dah lewat malam, esok kerja, ade email nak dihantar, document nak dicompile. -.-"

okay, sebelum tu, nak reply tags jap. coz my pc ni, selalu tak dapat view my tagboard. bila dapat, tak boleh nak send reply plak. so here goes:

Brother - aah.. yes, i'm not facing it alone. Thank you for the gentle reminder.

Spiderman_pink - thanks for the info. memang bila pikir2, darah, along with other organs such as kidneys, or liver, are valuable lifesavers. sometimes, i imagine myself in the recipient's shoes.. so, yeah~ to be able to feel the satisfaction, knowing that we make a difference in people's life, with just 400mL of blood for example, and that we dont have to be too educated or rich or do some far-fetched stuff to help people... Hamdna lillah..~ semangat jugak bila nampak poster derma darah kat sc! but, i'm not sure if i can donate blood these coming weeks. nevertheless, i hope more Muslims will step forward to pledge their names in this 'Rahmatan lil alamin' project.


Chit-Chat with Alumni

first and foremost, banyaknyerr makanan! alhamdulillah.... saye sangat gembira! (heh. nampak sgt orang tu suker makan) plus, sempat tgk Lord of the Rings. k, suprisingly, marliyana is also a fan, and..... her fav is Aragorn! *high five, girl!* yelah, mcm first time gitu.. selama ni, the people i met heran nah dgn Legolas.

hmm.. maybe i should change my msn nickname to Aragorn. k, tak penting.

anyway, it was enjoyable to be able to makan2 and talk2 with my NI alumni.. it would've been much much much (haaa.. tiga kali tu. tawkid!) better if 1. it was all-girls, 2. kak wani, kak fadz, kak diyanah, kak masturah, kak maryam O were there.

got to know about their family background, quirks, how they came into NI, personal experience, and some other stuff. it was a good opportunity too, to know more about the two upcoming chairperson and vice-chairperson.

cuma..





you revealed too much lah, liyana!




i realise that i like to tell people stories, stories about my past, my everyday life, or just some random thoughts. simply said, liyana suker cerita panjang lebar~~
hah! so much for 'i dont like to reveal that much.. ask me questions, so i can answer accordingly...' sungguh contradicting.



i mean, sometimes it's good.. especially when you're with friends whom you're comfortable with.


tapi, liyana, kau tak sepatutnya cerita banyak sgt! kebanyakan jawapan2 yang kau berikan tak sepatutnyer didengari oleh lelaki.

ya! walaupun mereka itu kau anggap sebagai saudara se-Islam, pangkat abang/adik, tapi mereka tetap lelaki ajnabi!

dan kau seharusnya berurusan dgn mereka apabila perlu sahaje!

*sigh* my dear liyana, where have you thrown your principles? remember, when it comes to principle, you should stand like a rock!

some of the questions were about my family background, a bit about my alsagoff life, 3 strengths that i have, technical skills..

hmmm... bukan ape ah, tapi cara yang kau jawab tu, dan isi jawapan kau.. next time, should be more filtered, tersusun.. yang penting2 je k? klw semua perempuan lain lah.. bercerita sampai malam2 buta pun tak kisah. hehe..

ade question: are you a shy person?

macham nak ketawa bila pikirkan perangai saye dulu2.. shy eh? sometimes kot.. tapikan, i think, im the type of person who tak shy nak mencuba sesuatu, or angkat tangan to ask something.. melainkan time tu ramai sgt rijal ke.. or tahap shyness tu memang tgh tinggi.

yang pastinye, i've come to realise that im not a really peramah person too.. kinda shy lah kot, when im on my own. tapi, again, kadang2 boleh strike up a conversation.. tgk orang ah..

eh jap, yang kat atas ni bukan answer bulat2 sama yang saye berikan kat diorang tau. all these are what im thinking now.

are you a determined person?

haha.. this one, i answered, "i'd like to think (or was it, 'i hope') that im a determined person coz bla bla bla.."

hmm.. betul ah.. when people say im hardworking, or determined, rasa mcm tak percaya ah.. coz i dont believe so. though i want so much to believe.

tapi.. bila pikir2 balik, memang klw kita buat sesuatu yang kite suka, ade passion, we'll go thru it til the end. YES! til the end. biar ape orang nak kata. biar apa pun tekanan. biar pun kadang2 kita rasa sangat tak kuat.

joyful?

hehe... well, when im happy, cheerful, you can see it. but when im not, you may notice it too. i realised this quite a long time ago. my facial expression tells it all - when im serious, pissed off, sad, depressed, tired (!!), angry, blur.. i do try to keep myself composed, so i wont reveal too much.

but i dont think i tell people what im feeling. i mean, not usually. they can only see my expression to guess, to assume..

hmmmm... entah eh. suddenly im reminded of my sec level days.. hmm...

yang ttg 3 strengths tu, i could only point out one. it's not that im really good at it. i can do it. but i still need to learn, practise.. so to be able to do it effectively. coz at the moment, im not an effective, well-versed speaker.

does 'enthusiasm' count as strength? if yes, then i would say yes, that's one strength i have. although, it's not really stable. can disappear gradually or suddenly.

baru2 ni, in my D-Talk 'reportbook', someone says about me being a person with 'positivenessnessness' (tawkid again~). ni betul2 kes tak percaya. coz pre-event, i saw myself as being fussy, a bit demanding maybe, and yes, i didnt stop wanting to finish, despite my spirits going lower and lower during that particular night/morning.

orite! what else...?
hmmm... i think that's all kot, the questions that caught my attention.

oh, and liyana.. i think you need to set yourself a curfew. seriously. tak guna klw kau happy2, or buat kerja2 yang baik, tapi buat mak ayah susah hati (marah pon ade). in the end, sape yang rasa bersalah? kau jugak. and it washes away all the happy feelings that you had before.

kawan2, lain kali kan, if you see that it's 10.30pm already, do alert me k. cakap ke, sms ke, call ke, nak laung pon boleh. "Liyana! dah pukul 10.30! balik!" klw boleh, sampai rumah before 12am. preferably, 11.45.. buffer time 15 minit. klw dah ingatkan tapi saye degil jugak, cuba ikhtiarkan sampai saye sedar and angkat kaki k. betul ah, liyana ni klw dah seronok kat prog tu, prog ni, asyik tangguh nak balik.

to end this post, i'd like to say that i like kak fiza's cookies. help the kids to improve ye kak, baik dari segi pelajaran, akhlak, mahupun bab bikin2 kuih ni. hehe. and i should've asked kak maryam to tapau her cute little cookies. and... i hope we can do this again, along with the sisters i mentioned earlier and other NI sisters =)

agitated

since stepping out of my house til reaching home minutes before 11pm, i felt all wrong.

i couldnt concentrate, disturbed, somehow, all the way during the meeting.

a mix of emotions.

and it escalated while i was walking from the centre to the mrt station.

reached its peak as i walked along the platform and sat waiting for the mrt. exhausted.

Ya Allah..

i seek Your guidance.

just now, i really thought i couldn't take it anymore.

what is 'it'?

i wish i can describe.. but it was too overwhelming. it still is.

i thought i was on the brink of giving up.

Ya Allah..

please, please, please...!!

and now, i just cant do my assignment. i dont want to. i cant. Ya Allah, i just cant.

Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah
Astaghfirullah..

brother wants to get engaged.

I'm not thrilled. though I joked my way around.

**

felt the sting when father says I know but I don't understand.

I seek to understand, ayah.

I just don't show it.

and I thank you, for the trust.

**

I miss knowing my brothers.

calling one my brother but i do not know him.

calling another my brother but i do not know him enough.

**

the secret keeper

the listener

no, not the golden child

but one who is always there

**

the mission to do da'wah is calling

da'wah to my family

**

Abang, kakak, abang, adik.. Liyana doakan kalian.. Liyana doakan kita semua..

Ya Allah,

jadikanlah kami anak-anak yang soleh dan solehah..

didiklah kami Ya Allah..

jangan biarkan kami menyimpang hingga menjadi anak derhaka..

kurniakanlah hidayahMu Ya Allah..

aku sayang kedua abang, kakak dan adikku Ya Allah..

dan aku tidak mahu mak dan ayah terluka..

Ya Allah.. janganlah Kau matikan kami dalam keadaan kami tidak direstui mereka..

**

Ya Allah..

please let them know, in their hearts, that I love them.

even though I do not show it.

please let them know, that I am willing to sacrifice.

please let them know, that I seek their blessings.

**

Ya Allah..

kuatkanlah aku..

aku ingin menjadi anak yang solehah..

**

Ya Allah..

please do not let them see my tears.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

and I know what my next step after graduation will be.

All is well.

pending stories

IVP 2008

one gunung conquered "bedek ah, liyana!"

1st solo trip to KL

the nightwalk in MIC

IGM

qiyamullail 2008

--------------------

RR'08 now has the project head and vice heads!
I wish them well.
lookin' forward to meet the rest of the team this wednesday.

--------------------

do you notice that i seldom share about my work?

last saturday, i chanced upon pictures of the volunteers.. old ones. was kinda amused to see the different hairstyles for the brothers and their antics in the pictures, and different tudung styles for the sisters. was kinda amazed to see their younger faces, coz i was thinking, how far have they come.. reminding me that they have way more experience.. feeling more respectful of them.. saw a few of my seniors from my alma mater too. oh, and suprisingly, my cousin too (yea, cuz, i was suprised! heh).

on another note, i want to commit to my work. i really do. coz i enjoy working there. although sometimes, i have to reinforce to myself that im just a worker. i've no business with them. when the time is for work, work. when the time is not for work, then i become a volunteer too. and sometimes, i think i may not be here for very long. i just cant say for now. after confirmation about my SIP placement, then we will see..

updates and such

1. it's that time of the year again: my term tests are done and over with. alhamdulillah di atas segala yang telah dipermudahkan...

and now.. wa ufawwidhu amrii ilallah~

2. Kamaliah got third in her class! needless to say, im Happy for youuuu~ and yes, let's go to NUS! haha.. mcm betul aku nak masuk sane..

3. Aszafirah dapat masuk NUS laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!! National. University. of Singapore. Alf Mabruk, Ya sohibati~~ oh Allah~ tak tahu ape nak cakap~~ jealous? eh, tak! bangga adelah!
haha.. Selamat Maju Jaya, firah~ ana doakan anti dapat lalui uni experience with an open mind, open heart, dgn tabah, semangat, dan yang sewaktu dgnnya... until... 2012 kan? *Yes~ Aszafirah boleh!*

4. Student Internship Programme in 3 weeks' time. there was a briefing just now. sungguh menaikkan stress dan nervous level saya. hmMmMmMMMmmmm..

5. took Hep B jab last monday. 1st of 3. seriously ah.. i think i've had enough of needles and jabs. the pain's manageable, tapi mcm dah jemu gitu. and tak nak rasa that stinging feeling anymore. haem/bbank lab, blood donation, blood test, and this Hep B jab.. hmm.. im not looking forward to july's one!

6. i was quite suprised with the messages on/at/in my tagboard. really didnt expect anyone to write as many as 2 tags on the same day. my tagboard is usually inactive anyway. haha. plus, the sudden criticism. my reaction? ntah eh, rasa macam tak percaya ah. seriously. i kinda thought that those were some random comments, spam or flood or whatever you call it. and i think it's the first time im criticised in my blog. narcissictic? juvenile? immature? wow..

not taking it to heart, alright. and yeah, i do agree that what one writes does shed some light on one's personality, knowledge, and level of maturity. it may not necessarily 'reflects'.

then again, im not a writer. i think i've typed somewhere here that my thoughts are mostly in my head, unexpressed.. or simply, not expressed here. i think im more of a 'express by actions and body language' kinda person. easier coz no need to squeeze my brain juice to form even one wise - or mature, or intelligent, or funny, or interesting - sentence.

yupz!

ape lagi eh? oh!!

7. remember the post where i said i would tell you what song stuck in my head during bro hafiz M's walimah? so.. the name of the song is: Istri Sholehah.

actually, what caught my attention was

- oops.. sorry! to be continued yea. need to stop. think im gonna be ill. feverish. extremities feel cold. going home. (oh, im in the sch library level 2, btw) -

last but not least,

8. im now in third year but i still have yet to step into RP. aiyo~ gotta set a date with Jim ah.. before SIP.. >.<



9. D-Talk 2008 is coming sOon~~ for YOU - upper sec students, Polytechnic, ITE, JC, Madrasahs students... you're welcome to join Us!! ape tu D-Talk?? k, jom gi http://www.dtalk08.blogspot.com/ now! registration ends 15 June which reminds me... belum post up the reg form kat blog uh. oh no~~

was checking my blog to see if there's anymore 'heated' tags.

then, clicked on the 'June 2007' history.

A Different Light.

all these lead to me reflecting, why is my motivation the want, the need, to get in the TOP 10% of the cohort? why is my motivation to be on the same parr as the malay girl, who has the same name as me, who is in the top 10 students for 1st year? why..?

and why isnt my motivation based on the desire to please God? why do i feel a bit estranged from the fact that Allah is always there for me? why do i not trust and put all my hopes and prayers in Him?

why everytime i face failure, or even sense failure, i quickly become discouraged? why cant i be stronger, realising that Allah has me in His hands?

why am i so afraid that i wont reach my goal of getting the A's? is it super important that it blinds me from the pure intention of seeking knowledge?

think, my dear self,
think of your primary intention.
the others will come later.
once you set your innermost intention,
sure about it, work within it,
then you dont have to worry.

feel like crying..
No! dont cry k.
You cant!

kerana Pejuang tak boleh menangis!

Masih dalam Istikharah.. part trois

maybe, the msn conversation i had with my senior is a sign.
maybe, the conversation i had with kak syazwani masa NI mixed usrah last friday, when she mentioned about 'berburuk sangka dgn diri sendiri..', is a sign.
maybe, the conversations i had with ayah yesterday and mak today are signs too.

Alhamdulillah.. one huge obstacle has been overcome. maybe you know what it was, based on the msn conversation.

there are still few things to be thought through.

"Ya Allah! Aku mohon pemilihan Mu menerusi pengetahuan Mu dan aku mohon kekuatan Mu menerusi kudrat Mu serta aku minta pada Mu sebahagian dari limpah kurnia Mu yang sangat besar. Sesungguhnya Engkau amat berkuasa sedangkan aku tidak berkuasa, Engkau amat mengetahui sedangkan aku tidak mengetahui dan sesungguhnya Engkau amat mengetahui segala yang ghaib. Ya Allah kiranya Engkau mengetahui bahawa perkara ini (…sebutkan hajat..) adalah baik bagiku dalam urusan agama ku juga dalam urusan penghidupan ku serta natijah pada urusan ku, kini dan akan datang, maka tetapkan lah ia bagi ku dan permudahkanlah ia untukku, serta berkatilah daku padanya. Dan kiranya Engkau mengetahui bahawa perkara ini (…sebutkan hajat..) membawa kejahatan kepadaku dalam urusan agamaku, juga dalam urusan penghidupanku dan natijah urusanku, kini dan akan datang, maka elakkanlah ia dariku dan tetapkanlah kebaikan untukku sebagaimana sepatutnya, kemudian jadikanlah daku meredhainya. (Dari hadis riwayat Imam Bukhari)".
nurjeehan.wordpress.com

a bit of relief

Alhamdulillah...! i've secured 7% for Medical Microbiology.

tadi, pukul 9 ade quiz. BUT! this one was different from the conventional written quiz. it is a VIVA. what is Viva? basically, it's an oral quiz.

first time uh. we went into the tutorial room in our respective groups. so, mine was the first to go in today (about 5 groups already had the viva yesterday). bila dlm perjalanan gi sekolah, baru me teringat that it was open-book. ringan sikit.. tak pecah kepala nak hafal (actually, kat lecture notes sikit info.. tapi yang kat textbook tu yang susah nak digest).

pikir boleh duduk in any order.. rupa2nya, had to sit ikut registration number. so, i was first.. Ya Allah! gugup! mana taknya, semalam, farhana and the gang (as in, dia punye group) cakap susah.. application questions, quite unpredictable.

bila Dr Lee asked me the first question "describe the host defence", i was quite suprised. coz it was an easy, or shall i say, 'give-away', question. tapi tu lah, gugup punya pasal... jawapan tunggang terbalik.. and... selak2 notes cari answer. padahal, the answer was right in front of me.. boleh tak nampak. so, ade jugak points that i missed.

bila dgr soalan2 untuk my 4 other groupmates, boleh dikatakan mudah.. but i can understand why most couldnt answer correctly/completely. and then, Dr Lee gave feedback before he gave the 2nd questions. alhamdulillah.. i did ok. hmm.. ni part yang tak best jugak, sbb penyakit hati ni senang je nak dtg.. mendengarkan komen guru kat kawan2 yang lain.. hmm.. i tried to focus on reciting "rabbish rahli.." sbb silap2 Allah tarik ni'mat yang dah diberi, lantas i might not be able to answer later.

the next round. i thought he would ask from topic 2 'Diagnostic Methods'. ni yang seram sangat ni. dah pasrah uh soalan ape beliau nak bagi. sekali, dia tanya from topic 1 jugak.. "what are the different types of host-pathogen interactions" tapi kan! ni bukan medical microbiology tau. this is basic microbiology.. so it should've been general knowledge for us now. sayangnya, i CANT remember.. tak tahu ape nak jawab. normal flora, opportunistic pathogen, and a bit of stuff from textbook (haa.. this one terkeluar habis! coz that particular content wasnt talking exactly about host-pathogen interactions), tu yang me sebut. actually, sipi2 me ingat about the microbe harms the host, microbe and host benefit, lagi satu tak sure.. tapi me tak ingat the terms..

awkward jugak lah.. Dr Lee kasi hint.. "good and bad interactions". still tak leh nak kasi the exact answer. rase sedih jugak. tapi ianya cukup memberi kesedaran: this may be a kaffarah for a dosa i did just now, 3 hours ago, or yesterday..

at the end, i got 7 marks. gembira sgt2! sebab pikir i would get 5 or 4 marks. and 1 groupmate, he got 10 over 10. happy for him =)

as you can see, the viva has a high weightage. only 10 marks (2 questions x 5 marks), but it covers 10% of the OVERALL percentage for the subject. faham tak? 1 mark gone, 1% gone. so, for me, 7% secured dah cukup baik. coz i wont know how much of the balance percentage (90%, from assignments/term test/class participation) i will get.

once again, alhamdulillah~

Masih dalam Istikharah.. part deux

Okay, i know only 3 NI member/alumni who read my blog.. i dunno who else, baik direct members or know someone from NI, visits this blog.

and im going to talk about NI. and me. so, i hope you will keep this to yourself. thank you =)

this is going to be a very long post. and a few of you, after reading the conversation below, will know whom i was talking to.
---------------------------------------


senior says: Salam liyana!
she says: ws
senior says: haaa.. just so that u know, i wasnt the one who suggested that u vice chair NI tau!
senior says: hehe..
senior says: they came up with it on their own. and they told the alumni abt their plan of the comm.
she says: 'they' tu sape?
senior says: so we shared our views on it lorz.
senior says: the current comm.
she says: ohh
senior says: yupz yupz.
senior says: i only batu api kan lah kan.
senior says: bende yg baik tu kene rai kan =D
senior says: but of course, i was looking at the whole upcoming comm structure as a whole.
she says: hmmm... okay
i was starting to feel sad.. and was reminded that i still have 'something' on my shoulders.. i was sighing at that time. didn't know what to reply. didnt want to sound annoyed or falsely excited, or sad. so i just said "hmmm... okay"
senior says: Allah dah bagi tanda tanda ?
fuh~ direct sey tanya! macam teragak2 jugak nak jawab.
she says: klw tanda2 tu.... belom kot. tapi cakap hati... dah kot. tapi faktor luaran penting jugak to be considered.
senior says: sgt tepat!
senior says: tapi. tanda Allah tu mcm mcm tau.
she says: pokonyer, masih belum boleh kasi kata putus ah..
senior says: factor luaran tu pon boleh jadi tanda tanda.
she says: *pokoknyer
hmm.. klw tanda-tanda external, mcm mimpi ke (teringat satu bro pernah kata, "jgn tunggu mimpi!"hehe), or maybe terselak2 majalah nampak terjumpa sesuatu yang relate to NI ke, etc ah, tu memang takde kot.. atau diri sendiri sengaja tak nak akui. tapi klw tanda internal.. ade jugak.. more like an urge. bila fikir2, timbang2.. yes, that urge is there. tapi selalu dihalang oleh FAKTOR LUARAN.. nombor 1: my parents. betul lah.. i just cant imagine telling them about this request pon. sedangkan usrah dgn NI-ans pon i am always reluctant to ask for permission. *masalah besar uh*
senior says: tapi mcm kesian pulak eh. 1st da kene fikirkan ramadhan rocks.
she says: hmmm... tgh pikir jugak, if i dont take the position, sape2 lagi yang layak diketengahkan
senior says: pastu ingat dah lepas, skali ni dtg.
senior says: hehe
she says: yes!
she says: betOl sgt
memang tepat apa yang dikatakan.. bila shikin beritahu that me, her and marl are nominated for vice chair.. Ya Allah... susah hati ni. and i thought one is done and over with. coz RR, me dah tolak. cukuplah. tiba2, datang yang ini pula.. i really didnt know what to comment. diam je.. dalam kepala, dah pusing2: nak, tak nak, why this, why now, boleh ke, ayah, mak, SIP, amanah, masa, tenaga..
senior says: hahaha.
senior says: tu pon boleh jadi tanda tau.
senior says: =D
she says: yelah tu~
macam kelakar eh? padahal tak.
senior says: eh betol! i am not here 2 convince u to take up any position.
senior says: but have'nt u realised it yet?
oohh.. when i saw this sentence, felt like typing there and then, yes! i do realise it! tapi tak ah.. diam je dulu.. biar kasi senior cakap.
bila tengah timbang2, fikir2, memang terlintas dalam hati: all these opportunities.. RR, and now NI.. i tot i could run away. but, no. there must be something Allah has prepared for me to do.. tapi kenapa kau tak nak, liyana? sampai bila kau nak tolak? kau takut? kenapa kau mesti lihat ia sebagai satu dugaan yang terlalu besar? di mana liyana yang dulu? aku hairan, ke manakah hilangnya semangat dan kesungguhan engkau? dulu, masa dlm prisma, mcm2 benda kau nak buat.. mcm2 kau nak contribute. but now..?
senior says: y is it that u have been receiving soooo many invitations?
she says: soooo many? ape je
she says: 2 je.
i wasn't being sarcastic, okay. i was only thinking RR'08 and NI je..
senior says: -.-"
senior says: abeh last yr RR head tu ape.
she says: tu dah berzaman~
senior says: last yr kat NI pon u were asked to b part of the comm.
she says: eh?
she says: takde plak
senior says: ape plak dah berzaman. mcm lah liyana tu tua sgt.
senior says: alar. kan liyana reject jadi treasurer.
she says: oohh.. ye tak ye
senior says: okayyy liyana.
senior says: my main point is not that.
senior says: mmg kite mesti rendah diri lah.
senior says: dan tak perlu bagitau org kekuatan kite.
senior says: we do it thru our actions.
senior says: and yes, u may say u find someone else who is capable to take that position
senior says: but as a matter of fact, that person will nvr be liyana. u get wat i mean?
she says: yes, sir!
i think i know what my problem is: sampai sekarang, after whatever i've gone thru, i still dont know my strengths. i dont want to acknowledge them. ketua pengawas, pengerusi prisma, ketua ahlulquran, bendahari NI, ELF quartermaster, ketua RR'07.. you know what i saw? only mistakes, weakness, my failure to keep the amanah.. i want to be given the chance again.. but when i was, when i am, i just want to push them away. is this what they call low self-esteem? and yeah, i think im being too pessimistic. a disease. should get rid of it quickly, shouldn't i?
i remember, asking my RR'07 advisor, "what have you learnt from me?".. in fact, what has anyone learnt from me? i dont see myself as an inspiration, that unique liyana who nobody else can be, who's made any contribution, or change anyone's life. i think, if anyone did learn something from me, during RR'07 or in any situation, i'll fly.
senior says: currently, if all of u 3 accept the position, i c great things!
senior says: im not sure if i have shared with u this b4.
senior says: b4 i took up the challenge given to me to lead NI.
senior says: i was really reluctant seh.
senior says: i was saying to myself, "tk pe lah, kasi a----- jadi chairman"
senior says: but then i realise, that it was never abt the position.
senior says: it was abt the amanah of that position.
yes, amanah! oh God... THAT's the problem. pikirkan amanah yang bakal dipikul.. ditambah dgn amanah belajar yang memang sedang dipikul.. takut yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong (or gendong?) keciciran. pikirkan dosa yang menunggu jika tak jaga amanah.. pikir the people who are gonna be affected.
and knowing myself, takut amanah belajar tu yang slip more..
senior says: if u know u have a clear vision of what u want to achieve, share it with the rest.
senior says: if u want, TP Muslim students to feel that Muslim environment the BEST they can experience.
senior says: den i suggest, u take the position lah.
senior says: but if u r okay to leave it to "chance" , then u have other options.
senior says: think abt it. mayb for s--- u can say, nxt yr oso can.
senior says: or 2 yrs later pon boleh. hehe.
s--- eh? hmmm... actually, i dont consider myself a member. bukan sombong.. tidak! tapi, mcm tak layak gitu. jika dibandingkan dgn bros and sis yang dah lama kat situ. kite ni, baru je satu event involved sgn s---.
senior says: but for NI, this is ur last yr to give ur best.
senior says: and when u r in the comm that u can truly move things.
aaah.. my last year to contribute. yes, i thought about that too.
senior says: having said all that, i also understand u have concerns abt ur studies.
senior says: and parents kan.
senior says: abt studies ni, sape yg bagi kite semua masa nak buat bende2 ni semua?
senior says: Allah kan?
senior says: jadi insyaAllah, kalau kite berjuang kerana Allah, Allah tak akan hampakan kite.
senior says: pentinggggggggg skali. ikhlas.
she says: yes.
dalam hati: alahai~ betulnyeeerrr :'(
senior says: personally, once i made my decision, i wouldnt want anyone else to try 2 convince me to change my mind.
senior says: because, i know that i made that decision after factoring all the possibilities.
senior says: so, for u, i pray that Allah eases the process for u to decide.
senior says: and once u make that decision, i am sure it is for the best.
she says: thank you

another alsagoffian!

yup, yup!

i was dang happy when i met nusaybah on the stairs at ITAS.. tengah turun tangga nak gi kantin 'Flavours' ah.

first week of school plak tu. tgh sorang2.. sekali, ternampak a familiar face! *sukerrrr*

never mind that she didnt go to TP from alsagoff.. she transferred to wak tanjong in... hmm.. tak ingat; sec 1 or 2, maybe.. and kita taklah rapat. but still, to finally have someone i know personally, in TP..

heh. k k.. dah tu je nak beritahu.. juniors dari madrasah lain ade uh.. so far, dah jumpe maarifians, arabiah-ians.. wak tanjong, mcm tak de gitu.nusaybah sorang je ah that i know.

thick bloOd

I am officially a blood donor!

hah!

yupz.. i went for my first blood donation yesterday at masjid ghufran. dari woodlands ke tampines.. sanggup! sebab tak nak miss the opportunity.

sebenarnye, mase 1st year nak donate, during AS club blood donation drive. tapi tak eligible sebab weight kurang dari 45kg.

Alhamdulillah... ternyata, kali ni Allah izinkan.. coz on the way to tampines, rasa nervous jugak, takut2 tak eligible lagi, sebab low haemoglobin ke ape ke.. tapi, nekad jugak. klw tak elegible, hmm.. takpe lah..

bila sampai kat multipurpose hall tu, a senior told me kak maryam AR ade kat situ.. tgh donate blood. tercari2 jugak. hmm.. ade jugak teman =)

filled in the form... was given a cert of appreciation (padahal belOm start donate blood pon!).. checked by a doctor (the doctor himself was sick sey.. tak pakai mask! and he never took temperature reading, main letak 37degrees je!).. my left middle finger pricked (oh my Allah~ sakit uh.. i think it's because the needle is thicker than the one i used during TP Open House. kinda jakun+"ohh..ohh..guLp" when i saw my own blood. haha), to check for plasma iron level.. then waited for my turn to donate blood..

bila tgh tunggu tu, sempat jugak berbual dgn kak maryam.. dia ceritakan jugak camne feelingnyer derma darah.. alahai.. tibe2, semakin nervous plak diri nih~ mcm nak gi confront something Big.

yang tak bestnyer, i was seated beside seorang rajul melayu uh.. haiz~ tak boleh nak pusingkan kepala ke kanan..

k, anyway.. the nurse covered my legs with selimut.. ntah kenapa, takut sejuk kot! then... dia check my blood pressure.. the strap tu (i dunno what it's called. aiyo~ dah dua tahun jadi biomed student pon masih tak tahu! eeks~) dia tak tanggalkan, tapi dia suruh me picit2 the raindrop-shaped stress ball.. sebab nak naikkan lagi blood flow kat arm tu..

oh, yes, the victim was my left arm~

1st, the nurse cari my vein. i couldnt see the vein yang dia nak tu. i asked her (santai2 je) how many years of experience does she have. 3, she said. waah~ lama tu.. nampak sgt the art of phlebotomy dia dah master uh. oh, and she said, tak nampak vein pon, tapi boleh feel.

dah tu............





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ape dia buat?
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she injected anaesthesia.

where was i looking? i looked at my arm alright. nak tengok camne dia masukkan jarum. and memang boleh rasa saNGAt.. bila dia push the fluid into my vein.. rasa sakit uh..

bedek ah klw orang kata tak rasa ape2 pon!

i was told to keep clinching and unclinching the stress ball.

then... i waited. sebab the nurse gi ambil the blood bag. (or transfusion bag??)

rase mcm tak selesa jugak ah, sebab my left arm bare je.

oh, i remember, ade lagi satu nurse shared/advised that if i was scared, tak usah tgk kat lengan bila the blood is drawn. hmm.. nak tgk jugak! yes, inilah yang dinamakan jakun, plus, facing the teeny-weeny bit of fear yang dah cukup menyesakkan klw dilayan.

selepas beberapa minit.. the ultimate challenge finally came~ (hah! macam betOl je!). the nurse gantung the bag kat bahagian bawah tempat rest tangan.. check the position of my vein.. cari the small hole where the 1st injection was made, and masukkan the boleh-tahan-tebal needle into my vein.

waduh~~ rasa sey jarum tu cucuk my flesh. dah tu, boleh rasa the needle 'poke' my vein. tak sakit??? mane ade! sakit~ tapikan, bukan sgt2 sakit tau. cuma, the feeling tu, mcm 'oh-my-god!-the-needle's-in-me'.. saat dia dah masukkan tu, terus mcm terduduk.

ntahlah, tak tahu camne nak describe lagi. yang penting, bile masuk vein je, terus nampak darah flow inside the tube into the blood bag. waaah~ my blood.. *double jakun*

tak boleh nak duduk diam ah mase tgh derma darah tu. mcm nak duduk straight and look at my arm closely.. tapi tak leh, kena sandar kat 'stretcher' tu (or whatever you call it) and tak leh angkat tangan.

paham2 je lah.. jarum tu panjang gak. (eh, setengah depa tu berapa panjang?) silap2, tertembus the other side of the vein, parah plak.

hmm... so what did i do masa the blood was being drawn? baca leaflet yang nurse bagi.. tgk sana, tgk sini.. nampak nyzah jugak.. and one sister, knew her from RR'07.. she was in safety from NYP.. tak ingat ah namanye.. dia pon cam kite jugak.

oh, and i did imagine: camne agaknye klw orang kena stab? mesti rasenye lebih maha dahsyat dari apa yang kite rase. fuh~ seram sejuk bila terpikir perkara tu..

around 7-10minutes, dah selesai. oh, mase tgh draw blood tu, kena keep picit the stress ball.. jenuh dan lenguh dibuatnyer! the nurse then clipped around the middle of the tube. i think untuk stopkan flow into the blood bag. i was ready for another stinging feeling bila dia nak keluarkan jarum. tapi, tup tup, tahu2 je, the jarum was out. i think it's automatic or something.

put pressure.. kena tunggu lagik... at one point, the nurse placed the filled blood bag on my arm. alahai~ time ginilah, klw ade cameraphone kan bagus. boleh capture that moment sey..

alhamdulillah~ overall, i felt happy that i finally did what i wanted.. satisfied knowing my blood will save someone, inshaAllah.. 300mL je (or 450mL).. tapi dah cukup byk.. and i wish more people will donate. our blood bank ni sering kekurangan tau. mcm kidney jugak. kesian orang2 yang meninggal kerana menunggu kidney yang baru. as for myself, masih tgh pikir2 samada nak opt out of HOTA ke tidak..

selepas tu, the other nurse (yang kasi advice tu) balut lengan dgn.. hmm.. tak tahu what the thing is called. she gave me iron tablets, ferrous fumarate, to be consumed for 3 to 5 days.. to replenish my body iron. and fyi, this medicine causes constipation.

ok, it's done.

took a rest, had a drink and a bite, the nurse (the one who drew my blood) called to me asking if i was alright, coz i looked pale.. but maybe it was the lights.. after that, i stepped out of the multi-purpose hall.

Masih dalam Istikharah..

and i thought one is done and over with.

i guess, these opportunities come to you, demanding your attention, sacrifice, commitment. waiting.

a weak servant that you are, you can only pray and put all your hopes and trust in Him. coz He knows what's best for you. and now you wait.

Ya Allah... please help me.

"...But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth and ye know not."
Surah al-Baqarah:216

Yes, im holding on to that.

RR'08 - Another opportunity or otherwise?

hmmm...

nak ke tak nak~

sape pandai-pandai grab??

ish, tak puas hati uh.. i just found out, that ade seorang rajul grabbed my picture from friendster. klw perempuan tak pe ah.. kawan sendiri pe..

jadi, bila nampak nama 'Muhammad Maliki Ibnu Muhammad' as one of the 8 people who grabbed my photos.. terus rasa mystified.

k, kena sangka baik. mungkin dia ambil gambar yang 'general' punyer.. the ones that have quotes/words of wisdom.

masuk tahun ke-tiga

sungguh, aku belum bersedia untuk menghadapi tahun tiga.

dan aku sudah pun merasakan tekanannya!

hmm.. the same groupmates for ALL 5 modules (aka subjects) for the WHOLE year. k, im ok with that. jadi tak pening cari lain2 orang untuk projek/tugasan yang lain.

BUT!

yang buat aku gerun, nervous, mcm-nak-break down, ialah aku dinamakan sebagai ketua kumpulan. a haste decision, i would say. sbb we were the last few people to write our names on a piece of paper. and each group must choose a leader.

quan jun dah sah2 volunteer dirinya, tapi ada satu member yang tak nak dia jadi. *tak tahu kenapa*. tup tup, yours truly yang jadi. hmmm... aku amat berharap quan jun tak kecil hati.

sebenarnya, ada jugak keinginan untuk menjadi ketua kumpulan. for once. coz since it's my last year, i thought the responsibility will be good for me - that is, will help me regain control of lazy myself and keep me motivated to learn more, to ask more.

BUT!

bila fikir bahawa this grouping is PERmaNENT, terbayang dalam kepala ni betapa BESARNYA tanggungjawab yang akan dipikul! whole year's group assignments, for all subjects.. jangan jangan, Major Projectnyer grouping pon kena jadi ketua (ohh!! i hope not) - bermakna, aku mesti berusaha untuk menjaga kebajikan kawan2, motivate them, jaga amanah, lead by example, hmm.. apa2 yang seorang ketua patut laksanakan lah..

seram.. dah lah aku ni bukan pelajar contoh (tutorials tak buat! datang lecture lambat! assignments.. setakat ok2 je..)

hmm.. i should focus more on the positive side.. ni peluang yang Allah berikan untuk kau, liyana! masakan kau tak tahu! masakan kau tak nak gunakan peluang ni sebaik2nya! this is an opportunity, not a burden! nor is it a punishment.

teringat kata2 ayah pagi semalam - liyana mesti tunjukkan kebolehan liyana sebagaimana kat alsagoff dulu.. this is your last year.. either you make it, or break it!

ya, liyana, kau tak boleh nafikan, kau sebenarnya mampu..

Ya Allah... mudahkanlah..

pakai make-up?

tiba-tiba je ade mood nak blog. bukan nak ceritakan pengalaman di KL, atau the long-overdue TKD competition, tapi nak share pendapat.. dapat ilham dari blog seorang kakak =)

yup, kite memang setuju: mesti bersih, cantik dan presentable, sebab setiap saat Dia melihat kita.

tapikan, klw bab pakai make-up ni.. maaf ye, kite tak pandai dlm hal2 ni, jadi ape yang kite cakap, semua based on persepsi kite yang dhaif dan cetek ni..

hmm.. kite kadang2 sedih tgk adik2 yang sibuk berhias sana sini.. okaylah, paling simple, pakai eyeliner. perlu ke..? PERLU KE..?

dik, kak, awak pakai ni sebab nak lelaki pandang ke? maaf sangat2! kite bukan menuduh, kite tanye betol2 ni. sebab nak sangat tahu motif di sebalik awak pakai eyeliner..

kalau tak pakai, mata nampak bengkak? nampak kuyu? eyebag lebih obvious? hmmm... klw gitu, awak risau penampilan awak orang comment?

dik, kak, kite bukan apa, tapi rasanya, paling penting, mata kita ni takde tahi mata. tu yang aib, kan, klw orang nampak?

biarlah mata kita kelihatan semula jadi.. bengkak, mata kuyu, eyebag, usah dirisaukan... dik, kak, awak perasan tak yang consciousness about how your eyes, your face looks tu syaitan cuba bisik2kan?

klw beri alasan, saye dah lama pakai... klw tak pakai, mcm tak sah gitu.. insecure gitu..
dik, kak.. it's been years you've had that mindset.. it's been ingrained in you.. tapi adik and kakak tahu kan, semua tu boleh diubah kepada yang lebih baik?

yang kite pernah dgr, sunnah Nabi pakai celak waktu sebelum tidur. so, ape cerita nak pakai eyeliner gi sekolah?

make-up pergi mane2 pon, tak perlu kot.

sebenarnye kan, kite kagum dgn kakak2 dan adik2 yang tak pakai make-up bila keluar rumah.. sebab terbukti, mereka kelihatan natural... just beautiful the way they are.. awak tak percaya?
hmm.. mungkin, awak fikir, kite ni jenis yang tak tahu menilai penampilan fizikal, maklumlah, kite ni tak reti soal make-up, tak cerewet. tapi tak! kite rasa, ape yang kite lihat tu betul lah! bukan nak ambil hati mereka, atau berpura2..

apa pun, kite tetap dgn pendirian kite: kite suka sekali lihat kawan2 kite tak pakai make-up.. hmm.. if only they know how beautiful, how totally okay they look, without having to put on bedak, celak, eyeshadow, foundation, yada yada..

oh, tak lupa juga, kan LECEH setiap kali selepas ambil wudhu', nak pakai make-up lagi.. haiz~ tak tahu ape nak cakap..

tak usah TABARRUJ! TAK USAH!

dik, kak... pandangan siapa yang kita nak? siapa sebenarnya yang kita nak impress?

mendapat pandangan Allah tu lebih mahal dari pandangan sape2... tu sebenarnya yang kita kena kejarkan..

buat kawan2, adik2, dan kakak2 kite,

kite bukan nak marah awak,
nak malukan awak,
nak action baik,
tapi kite cuma nak luahkan perasaan kite je..
kite nak jugak nasihatkan awak..
kite nak yang terbaik untuk awak..

hmmm... cakap pasal bedak, k, kite tak leh nak sangkal, bagi sesetengah orang, bedak boleh help serikan wajah yang nampak penat, etc etc.. tapi tgk jenis bedak lah ye? tipis2 je pakai, tak usah nak tebal2 plak.

heran~ heran~

klw ade yang soal: klw gi majlis camne? jalan hari raye ke.. makan malam ke.. graduation day ke.. DnD ke.. date ke.. takkan tak nak pakai make-up kottt??

haaa.. tu kite malas nak jawab. jawapan kite sama je dgn ape yang kite tulis kat atas.

kalau jadi pengantin? tu pasti perlukan make-up lah kan?

tu soalan cepumas! sampai skrg, kite pon tak pasti.. bingung jugak biler fikir kalau time kite nye turn kahwin. sebenarnye, kite ade terfikir, boleh tak pengantin tak yah pakai make-up, walau secalit pon? agaknye, pelik tak citarasa kite ni?

seganlah biler pikir rijal and orang luar nampak kite berhias. segan sangat2!

okaylah, kite rase dah cukup panjang dah pendapat kite ni..

pendek kata:
GO SIMPLE!

oh, and bagi sape2 yang berpendapat pakai make-up tu menunjukkan 'bersih, cantik and presentable', please eh, cuba fikir dalam2 balik. klw tak dapat nak fikir gak, takpe, contact kite. kite sedia membantu.

k, sekian. terima kasih.

april updates

1. today's farhana's birthday! fyi, she's my classmate in TP, the only other madrasah alumni in biomedical science batch 2006/2009. yeah!

2. work is good. lately i've been using the pc a lot. meaning, straining my eyes. and there isnt any good view outside the window. but.... i like the place.. not many people. except for mondays to wednesdays, the place is peaceful. cuma.. kadang2 rasa macam nak tido. alahai~ tempting betol ah sofa kat volunteers room tu!

3. went to KL last thursday (3 april) til saturday (5 april). naik keretapi! first time~ suker lah jugak. tapi, bila kat dlm keretapi tu, asyik tgk jam, bila lah nak sampai KL sentral. heh. btw, it wasnt a family trip. guess!

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went with adilah and nafisah! and..... met up with kak ummu and afeyah kat KL. yessa!

k, ceritanya panjang. cut short, highlights of the short trip are Pertosains at KLCC and....

KL International Book Fair 2008 at PWTC ^_^

4. gi majlis walimah bro hafiz mustaffa and kak khairiah on 29 march. i like the lime green theme colour... or is it soft green? ntah lah..

anyway, biler tgh dok makan baru me perasan satu lagu... bukan ape, ade satu lirik tu yang caught my attention: "istri cerdik yang solehah" and... terngiang2 sampai dah kat rumah.

haaaa... teka lirik lagu ape tuh??

tak tahu?

oohhhh... dlm post lain, me beritahu k. hehe!


k, rasanye tu je buat mase nih.

last but not least, kite rinduuuuu kat kawan2 kat syria!! rindu kat ust sakinah jugak!


and.... rindu kat kawan2 alsagoff...! insha Allah, kita jumpa kat simpang bedok eh!

'cause it's us against the world

rasanya, dlm banyak2 boyband, i like westlife the most. not the guys, ya! im talking about the songs.. and mark's singing voice. subhanallah~

plus, they're not too high-profile, banyak scandal ke ape ke.. and they are still standing tall..

so, baru2 ni, terdengar abang bukak lagu baru westlife kat pc.. sedap ah..

liriknye pon, cukup bermakna!

Us against the world
Against the world
Us against the world
Against the world

You and I, we’ve been at it so long
I still got the strongest fire
You and I, we still know how to talk
Know how to walk that wire

Sometimes I feel like
The world is against me
The sound of your voice, baby
That's what saves me
When we're together I feel so invincible

Cause it's us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight

Us against the world
Against the world

There’ll be days
We’ll be on different sides but
That doesn’t last too long
We find ways to get it on track
And know how to turn back on

Sometimes I feel
I can’t keep it together
Then you hold me close
And you make it better
When I’m with you
I can feel so unbreakable

Cause it's us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight

We’re not gonna break
Cause we both still believe
We know what we’ve got
And we’ve got what we need alright
We’re doing something right

Cause it's us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall

Cause it's us against the world tonight

Us against the world
Me and you against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall

Us against the world
Yeah it’s Us against the world, baby
Us against the world
Tonight

Us against the world
Against the world
Us against the world

and, when i saw the music video, i realise that the song is about them, westlife. hmmm... the years they've been together, the friendship, hardships and happy times.. aahh... i guess this song is relevant for many people out there =)




sorry, the video-embedding function has been disabled. you can still view the video at youtube though. click here.

gambar-gambar lama uh part 2

im currently looking in a bunch of CD-RWs to find some pictures for a a friend of mine. and... and i found gambar2 lama.. aaahh~ memories.. buat gue tersenyum2 sendiri! heh.


tgh beratur nak ambil cert


some of us =) nampak me tak?? haaa.. Missing-In-Action on my graduation day.


the spongebob banner that KKIK (Kelab Kempen Ilmiyah dan Kreativiti) PRISMA made for Arabic Week.


sec4 team - the tukang buat bunyi


sec4 team - the tukang nyanyi. i like lagu arab yang korang bawak.. rentaknya diambil dari lagu Dia Kekasih Allahh (by Hijjaz), senikatanya dari satu sajak.. sampai sekarang me tak tahu sajak ape..


PRISMA Orientation Camp. tgh time makan.. and fyi, the room is called 'Domestic Room', where pada zaman dahulu kala, kakak2 menengah belajar masak (way before my time in sec), and it's where peraduan memasak during National Day Celebration is held (tak tahu klw sampai skrg peraduan tu still ada ke tak)..


Alsagoff and Chong Boon. during Bahas Piala Berita Harian 2005. unpleasant debating memory for me~


National Day Celebration. Sec4 performance. eh, Hajrah jadi siape eh?? leftenan adnan ke?


K, ni time NDC dah selesai.. dewan dah dikemas.. orang2 pon ramai dah balik. ape lagi, dok dlm kelas, makan! heh. i remembered, ustaz or ustazah ade lalu, cepat2 kita cover makanan, tunjuk muka innocent. kwang, kwang, kwang~


Ni some of us tgh bukak the red plastic yang cover the lights. i liked the reddish light effect. and i still do believe our Sec4 design crew did a GOOD JOB!
and fyi, carpet tu kan, is where kita solat jamaah ramai2. and the back part was where we had our exams. and so.. bila takde keje, some of us lepak2 kat atas carpet, or buat hall tu macam playground! aiseyman, happening~!


Cikgu Suhana with Maisarah. tgh jolok mangga. Yes! kat luar kelas kita (Sec4) ada pokok mangga. adelah kita-kita semangat turun ke tingkat satu, ade jugak ke tingkat tiga (hall) semata2 nak dapatkan mangga ^.^


kat computer room, known to us as AVA Room, with Abidah (left) and Amira. terserempak Amira last two weeks gitu. suker! Abidah plak... dah lamaaa tak jumpe. apa khabar agaknye dia sekarang?


takde keje~ heh. seriously, it was the last day of school.. rata2 kita semua tak bawak buku sekolah (mungkin ade segelintir yang bawak kot.. as for me, i brought buku Biology, sebab that day ade Bio exam kat Institute of Science)..


my table mates!! suker, suker, suker sgt dok semeja dgn diorang~!! oh ya~ computer kat belakang tu, baru me teringat.. that sometimes ade jugak me gunekan, takde internet ah..

[oops, gambar kena delete sebab ade part, yang kalau ade rajul perasan, memang tak sesuai]
kat dalam toilet -_-" tgh emo ah.. heh. kenangan sey, bergambar dlm toilet. fyi, toilet ni, known as 'toilet biru', is usually where 'kakak2' go ah.. klw toilet sebelah ('toilet pink') selalunye adik2 primary gunekan. cakap pasal toilet, teringat plak time kita-kita kena cuci toilet. macam2 karenah! tapi meriah~


so-called 'budak-budak kiut sec4'. hehe~


dgn teacher ain, our computer class teacher. kat sinilah, comp class is conducted, as well as, where students surf the net (teringat yang budak2 selalu bukak friendster. tgh hot ah time tu~).


one of our many poses.. kat belakang tu, Ms Habeebah, english teacher. (oh, and we had english class on our last day of school. *mMmMmMMMmmm*) last time i heard, beliau mengajar kat Irsyad.


me and my brother. tell me the truth, do i \pass for a boy??

sakitnya hati......!!!!

sakit sangat!

penat ah, dgn hati yang sakit ni.

sakit dgn penyakit fitnah hati!

Ya Allah.. kuatkanlah.. kuatkanlah..

Aku belum bersedia..

muda-muda begini, aku patut fikir tentang pelajaran.. tentang ibu bapa..

kadang-kadang rasa macam, alangkah baiknya kalau kahwin cepat-cepat~

tenang sikit hati ni.

urgh!

kenapa eh, aku boleh dilanda ujian ni??

mujahadah ni terasa susah.... lama sangat..

bila nak berakhir?

padahal, belum pun setahun..

dan aku tak boleh lari..

lainlah kalau aku belajar di luar negeri.

eh, tak sabarnya nak belajar kat luar negeri~

hmmmm...

Ya Allah.. aku tidak mahu cemarkan hati ni dengan sesuatu yang memabukkan..

melalaikan... menyeksakan!

Ya Allah.. ku mohon pertolonganMu..

Leraikanlah kekusutan ini..

rasa diri ni kotor nah...

diri kotor, hati sakit -

Astaghfirullah.. Astaghfirullah..

quick updates

1. alhamdulillah... i've got a part-time job. 5 days a week. but i need to find another work, probably.. weekend ah..

2. volunteered to teach ngaji at dotdotdot wink at ust sakinah - yup, ustaz dah call.. and turned out that he is ust zauwiah's adik! what a smaaaallll world!!

3. do you know that there's KL international bookfair on 3-14 april, at PWTC?? you dont? well, now im telling ya! currently trying to make plans with adilah to go there and to ajak other alsagoff friends along.

4. wont be in singapore from this friday to sunday.. doakan ana selamat pergi dan selamat pulang ye?

5. went to NI usrah last friday "Ciri-Ciri Wanita Solehah".. it was the best NI usrah yet!!

6. two weddings this month: kak afia and bro hafiz mustaffa. *throws confetti* know them both from saff.


k, itu sahaje..

A Silver (part zero)

IVP story coming up...

dont have the mood and energy to write.. i know it's gonna be one long post.. but at the same time, i want to record the feelings i felt during the whole competition..

hmm... later ah..

post-competition fatigue.. badan rasa sengal2.. and sebab penat ni kan, malas pulak nak pikir ape2.

k, i wanna eat my all-time fav snack: milo n biskut.

bye!