my book of words of wisdom and poems is finally full..yep! im starting on another one. i cant remember exactly when i started the first book, but i know it was somewhere after i read "Blue" by Sue Mayfield. a very very good book, it is. you should read it. it's about a girl, Anna, whose self-esteem became very low.. she was bullied, mostly psychologically, by..cant remember her name..thus, her personality changed..it's a really touching story. Anna tried to kill herself, alright..slit her wrist, she did.. near to madness.. well, it’s like.. she had really gone far away.. kinda scary, I pity her though.
anyway, I picked up some good poems from that book, and since then, I collect quotes and poems that I found in books-mostly- and from tv. n I wrote a few poems n quotes myself.
the holidays are over soon..and frankly speaking, as always, I don’t think I’ve accomplished anything significant. I still haven’t khatam the Quran, n I haven’t taken up any courses or classes.. not to mention work! It’s pretty boring. But I do go out of course. Just 2 days ago, I went hiking/trekking at bukit timah nature reserve with my tahfiz friends..great day, it was.. well, I didn’t really enjoy walking up and down the path, climbing up the rocks, but overall, it was ok =)
to fill those boring days of December, I usually take refuge by reading, reading and reading. Good thing I’ve got two libraries; one in sembawang, another one in woodlands, and im in the middle. I would sit on my bed for hours, straining my eyes on every words.. really don’t care about eating, chores, or sometimes, bathing! Yeah, im like that. After finishing one book, I’d reach for another one. Sleep late. N start reading again right after I wake up.
I keep a list of fictional that I’ve read since 2002, I think. So the list is already quite long. Lots of good books too..say, "When We Were Saints" by Han Nolan n "Remember Me" by Laura Hendrie..i read them last week. Though the former is more to Christianity stuff, the message’s generally about religion, about your own beliefs.. n the latter, it's about a woman who's been treated 'indifferently' just because she was poor and her family was sort-of different from other families in the village. It’s about survival, I think.. yeah, kind of.
and talk about magazines, my favourite is National Geographic Magazine.. i've tried to start reading more heavy stuff, such as dewan agama dan falsafah..or newsweek, but to no avail.. it's either i didnt have much time or i wasnt in the mood.
ok, enough of my rantings. i've kind of diverted from my actual content that i intended to write, i.e about the hiking and other stuff. but i wish to stop now. it's really late. plus, i want to change my template. it's blue. n i need more space for the main entries, like kak halimah's n kak nadiah's current layouts.
********************
this is a synopsis of "Blue" by Sue Mayfield:
Anna Goldsmith has moved with her family from her posh school in London to a small Yorkshire town, and the local comprehensive. Straight away she knows she doesn't fit in - she's too brainy, and her accent sticks out a mile. Nobody bothers to make friends with her, except for Hayley Parkin; the most popular girl in Anna's year. Charismatic, charming and pretty, with a year-round tan, Hayley is perfect, and Anna finally relaxes. But Hayley is not all she seems, soon she's freezing Anna out - ignoring her, making nasty sarcastic remarks, then nice as pie - Anna is totally confused. And as the school year progresses, Hayley's behaviour gets more and more erratic - and Anna sinks lower and lower into depression and despair. Only Melanie, her other best friend, understands. But can she help Anna, before she goes and does something really silly . . .
another one:
Fifteen-year-old Anna Goldsmith lies in a coma after an attempted suicide. Through Anna's diary, and the accounts of her best friend, Mel, and her mother, Frances, we discover how the viscious, calculated bullying of Anna's schoolfriend, Hayley, drove Anna to want to end her life . . .
taken from madaboutbooks.com
it's great to see you guys again!
* a BIG sigh of relief *
HUH~~ at last! finally, im typing again..my fingers've been itching to write..to tell you people out there what's going on in my life..n i was stuck because every time i want to sign in the blogger..i have emails to read, people to chat with.. music to listen to..n my computer is a bit slow..n somehow, sometimes, it got stuck! urgh! PLUS, it got very late for me to write..n someone else wants to use the computer!
another leceh thing i have to do is save the draft every now and then! haiz~~ leceh betul!!
ok, ok..first and foremost.. i'd like to congratulate ust sakinah for her excellent result! MABRUK!! MABRUK!! fuyo~~ berkat usaha ustazah..you got what you deserve..unlike me..5A pon tk boleh guarantee dapat! *sob..sob..* ghibtoh betul ana kt ustazah! niwei, im very happy for you *flashes a BIG TOOTHY smile*
next:
last sunday, i went to east coast park..thought i could get away with it without my sister knowing..but she did alright..the night before, she saw the sms haziqah sent me..at that moment, my thoughts were spinning..what should i say to her?? well, i lied..*bad girl! bad girl!*..n when i was cycling on the path..she called..alahai~~ "kakak kat mane?".."kat east coast eh?".."bilang..kakak kat mane??" hmm..i just said,"kakak kt luar lah..ade lah.." haiz~ susah betul nk elak eh? naseb baik tk ckp panjang..
niwei, it WAS awkward when mardhiah n her sister, qurratuaini, arrived at the bustop in front of chij katong.. yeah, i just dunno what to say to them..10-15 minutes later, adilah n afeyah sampai..oh good! i was relieved, all right..n typically, i sat in the middle: mardhiah n aini on my right, adilah n afeyah on my left..haiz~~ we all waited for haziqah.. you know, i tot she was supposed to be the first one to arrive, since she's the one taking us to the beach via a route that all of us dont know of..
biler haziqah ade, baru group kite lit up sikit.. actually, bila kt 'waiting camp' tu, me, haziqah n mardhiah were like a team..we hit it off, together :) but i think haziqah spices it up..
see their faces?? they look like long time friends...we all do! the fact that haziqah doesnt really know afeyah doesnt matter..that's how funny friendship is.. friendship expands.. from one person you know, then to the person you dont know quite well, then to the person you dont know at all..but finally, we're all connected in then name of friendship..you get what i mean??
hehe..mcm girl band eh? tapi posing dgn basikal..not even close to look like munsyidaats kt beach! we were up on a watch tower before this picture was taken.. i like this picture very much!
you see, it's kind a relief that we were busy riding our bicycles from one point to another, coz it meant that we didnt have to talk much.. especially when i was riding beside aini..she's the quiet one..i dont mind that..coz i dont have to worry what to say to her..anyway, my legs started to protest when we were going back to find a place to rest..i wanted to stop paddling right that minute..so sometimes i slack behind..
it's supposed to be A candid picture??! but it ended up like they're looking at something and trying to look cool..aiya~ so much for a candid picture..we were on a jetty.. it's not a suitable spot to scream our lungs out..coz other people were fishing peacefully..n if we'd screamed, the fishes would've scrambled away! pity. the view was beautiful though..subhanallah~~ no rubbish on the waters.. just clear blue sea..n ahead we could see ships, dunno what kind of ships (my vocab isnt THAT good).. n clear sky..haaahhh~~ such a relaxing picture..wish i could set up a chair, the one which people use when they go to beaches..n a big umbrella to protect me from the sun.. oh well~~
that's me n haziqah. she's a bubbly girl, she is. likes to laugh.. i like her.. i just let her do the talking, but then again, i felt awkward to talk to her, face to face, tete-a-tete.. biler kt masjid selepas gi beach tu pon same.. she talked about her life..n i found out it wasnt "happy-happy"..yeah, look IS deceiving.. and im glad to be there, listening to her stories.. but i wasnt sure what n how to comment.. i think i said some things to make her feel better.. a few advices.. n words of hopes..but they sounded plain..n kind of not-from-the-heart, like.. as-a-matter-of-fact.. i just didnt know what to say..my life isnt like hers.. hmmMmMmm..
now that's aini, sweet, no?? though she's a quiet person, i believe, i know that she gets along well with people.. and i believe she's brainy too, n mardhiah..just like their brother. she will be a fine lady.. n i do enjoy getting to know her.. =)
yang tk ikut kite: maisarah, ayu, kak hamimah n our faci, diyanah. well, two of them we didnt invite..wont tell you the reasons though, let's just sum them up: AWKWARDNESS. another one, we hadnt managed to contact. n another one, we invited, but i guess she's a bit 'clueless', coz we didnt get to tell her the meeting point n time..n we didnt have her hp number. we keep in touch via msn je..
ok, long enough. another story, another entry. bye now!
HUH~~ at last! finally, im typing again..my fingers've been itching to write..to tell you people out there what's going on in my life..n i was stuck because every time i want to sign in the blogger..i have emails to read, people to chat with.. music to listen to..n my computer is a bit slow..n somehow, sometimes, it got stuck! urgh! PLUS, it got very late for me to write..n someone else wants to use the computer!
another leceh thing i have to do is save the draft every now and then! haiz~~ leceh betul!!
ok, ok..first and foremost.. i'd like to congratulate ust sakinah for her excellent result! MABRUK!! MABRUK!! fuyo~~ berkat usaha ustazah..you got what you deserve..unlike me..5A pon tk boleh guarantee dapat! *sob..sob..* ghibtoh betul ana kt ustazah! niwei, im very happy for you *flashes a BIG TOOTHY smile*
next:
last sunday, i went to east coast park..thought i could get away with it without my sister knowing..but she did alright..the night before, she saw the sms haziqah sent me..at that moment, my thoughts were spinning..what should i say to her?? well, i lied..*bad girl! bad girl!*..n when i was cycling on the path..she called..alahai~~ "kakak kat mane?".."kat east coast eh?".."bilang..kakak kat mane??" hmm..i just said,"kakak kt luar lah..ade lah.." haiz~ susah betul nk elak eh? naseb baik tk ckp panjang..
niwei, it WAS awkward when mardhiah n her sister, qurratuaini, arrived at the bustop in front of chij katong.. yeah, i just dunno what to say to them..10-15 minutes later, adilah n afeyah sampai..oh good! i was relieved, all right..n typically, i sat in the middle: mardhiah n aini on my right, adilah n afeyah on my left..haiz~~ we all waited for haziqah.. you know, i tot she was supposed to be the first one to arrive, since she's the one taking us to the beach via a route that all of us dont know of..
biler haziqah ade, baru group kite lit up sikit.. actually, bila kt 'waiting camp' tu, me, haziqah n mardhiah were like a team..we hit it off, together :) but i think haziqah spices it up..
see their faces?? they look like long time friends...we all do! the fact that haziqah doesnt really know afeyah doesnt matter..that's how funny friendship is.. friendship expands.. from one person you know, then to the person you dont know quite well, then to the person you dont know at all..but finally, we're all connected in then name of friendship..you get what i mean??
hehe..mcm girl band eh? tapi posing dgn basikal..not even close to look like munsyidaats kt beach! we were up on a watch tower before this picture was taken.. i like this picture very much!
you see, it's kind a relief that we were busy riding our bicycles from one point to another, coz it meant that we didnt have to talk much.. especially when i was riding beside aini..she's the quiet one..i dont mind that..coz i dont have to worry what to say to her..anyway, my legs started to protest when we were going back to find a place to rest..i wanted to stop paddling right that minute..so sometimes i slack behind..
it's supposed to be A candid picture??! but it ended up like they're looking at something and trying to look cool..aiya~ so much for a candid picture..we were on a jetty.. it's not a suitable spot to scream our lungs out..coz other people were fishing peacefully..n if we'd screamed, the fishes would've scrambled away! pity. the view was beautiful though..subhanallah~~ no rubbish on the waters.. just clear blue sea..n ahead we could see ships, dunno what kind of ships (my vocab isnt THAT good).. n clear sky..haaahhh~~ such a relaxing picture..wish i could set up a chair, the one which people use when they go to beaches..n a big umbrella to protect me from the sun.. oh well~~
that's me n haziqah. she's a bubbly girl, she is. likes to laugh.. i like her.. i just let her do the talking, but then again, i felt awkward to talk to her, face to face, tete-a-tete.. biler kt masjid selepas gi beach tu pon same.. she talked about her life..n i found out it wasnt "happy-happy"..yeah, look IS deceiving.. and im glad to be there, listening to her stories.. but i wasnt sure what n how to comment.. i think i said some things to make her feel better.. a few advices.. n words of hopes..but they sounded plain..n kind of not-from-the-heart, like.. as-a-matter-of-fact.. i just didnt know what to say..my life isnt like hers.. hmmMmMmm..
now that's aini, sweet, no?? though she's a quiet person, i believe, i know that she gets along well with people.. and i believe she's brainy too, n mardhiah..just like their brother. she will be a fine lady.. n i do enjoy getting to know her.. =)
yang tk ikut kite: maisarah, ayu, kak hamimah n our faci, diyanah. well, two of them we didnt invite..wont tell you the reasons though, let's just sum them up: AWKWARDNESS. another one, we hadnt managed to contact. n another one, we invited, but i guess she's a bit 'clueless', coz we didnt get to tell her the meeting point n time..n we didnt have her hp number. we keep in touch via msn je..
ok, long enough. another story, another entry. bye now!
CAUTION: always wash your hands first!!
A stock clerk was sent to clean up a storeroom in Maui, Hawaii. When he got back, he was complaining that the storeroom was really filthy and that he had noticed dried mouse or rat droppings in some areas.
A couple of days later, he started to feel like he was coming down with a stomach flu, complained of sore joints and headaches and began to vomit. He went to bed and never really got up again. Within two days he was severely ill and weak. His blood sugar count was down to 66, and his face and eyeballs were yellow. He was rushed to the emergency at Pali-Momi, where he was diagnosed to be suffering from massive organ failure He died shortly before midnight.
No one would have made the connection between his job and his death, had it not been for a doctor who specifically asked if he had been in a warehouse or exposed to dried rat or mouse droppings at any time. They said there is a virus (much like the Hanta virus) that lives in dried rat and mouse droppings. Once dried, these droppings are like dust and can easily be breathed in or ingested if a person does not wear protective gear or fails to wash face and hands thoroughly.
An autopsy was performed on the clerk to verify the doctor's suspicions.
This is why it is extremely important to ALWAYS carefully rinse off the tops of canned sodas or food! s, to wipe off pasta packaging, cereal boxes, and so on. Almost everything you buy in a supermarket was stored in a warehouse at one time or another and stores themselves often have rodents. Most of us remember to wash vegetables and fruits but never think of boxes and cans.
The ugly truth is, even the most modern, upper class, super stores have rats and mice. And their warehouse most assuredly does!
Whenever you buy any canned soft drink, please make sure that you wash the top with running water and soap or, if that is not available, drink with a straw.
The investigation of soda cans by the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta discovered that the tops of soda cans can be encrusted with dried rat urine, which is so toxic it can be lethal. Canned drinks and other foodstuffs are stored in warehouses and containers that are usually infested with rodents, and then they get transported to retail outlets without being properly cleaned.
A couple of days later, he started to feel like he was coming down with a stomach flu, complained of sore joints and headaches and began to vomit. He went to bed and never really got up again. Within two days he was severely ill and weak. His blood sugar count was down to 66, and his face and eyeballs were yellow. He was rushed to the emergency at Pali-Momi, where he was diagnosed to be suffering from massive organ failure He died shortly before midnight.
No one would have made the connection between his job and his death, had it not been for a doctor who specifically asked if he had been in a warehouse or exposed to dried rat or mouse droppings at any time. They said there is a virus (much like the Hanta virus) that lives in dried rat and mouse droppings. Once dried, these droppings are like dust and can easily be breathed in or ingested if a person does not wear protective gear or fails to wash face and hands thoroughly.
An autopsy was performed on the clerk to verify the doctor's suspicions.
This is why it is extremely important to ALWAYS carefully rinse off the tops of canned sodas or food! s, to wipe off pasta packaging, cereal boxes, and so on. Almost everything you buy in a supermarket was stored in a warehouse at one time or another and stores themselves often have rodents. Most of us remember to wash vegetables and fruits but never think of boxes and cans.
The ugly truth is, even the most modern, upper class, super stores have rats and mice. And their warehouse most assuredly does!
Whenever you buy any canned soft drink, please make sure that you wash the top with running water and soap or, if that is not available, drink with a straw.
The investigation of soda cans by the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta discovered that the tops of soda cans can be encrusted with dried rat urine, which is so toxic it can be lethal. Canned drinks and other foodstuffs are stored in warehouses and containers that are usually infested with rodents, and then they get transported to retail outlets without being properly cleaned.
firasatku membisikkan.....
one of my favourite songs..firasat by marcell.. thanks to my brother..because of him, me terdengar jugak lagu nie..n fall in love with this song =)
as you read the lyrics..you can see that the words are beautifully arranged...especially the first paragraph..that's one of the reasons i like this song..another reason is the rentak (what's 'rentak' in english?? is it 'melody'??) it's soft n relaxing...biler kt tengah2 tu..rhythm nye naik sikit, naik, naik...i like that :)
it's like the singer sang this song with all his heart... terkesan sungguh! hehe..
Kemarin.. ku lihat awan membentuk wajahmu
desau angin meniupkan namamu, tubuhku terpaku
Semalam.. bulan sabit melengkungkan senyummu
Tabur bintang serupa kilau auramu
aku pun sadari.. 'ku segra berlari..
Reff:
Cepat pulang.. cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi
firasatku ingin kau 'tuk
cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi
Akhirnya.. bagai sungai yang mendamba samudera
ku tahu pasti kemana kan 'ku bermuara, smoga ada waktu Sayangku.. 'ku percaya alam pun berbahasa
ada makna di balik semua pertanda
Firasat ini, rasa rindukah ataukah tanda bahaya
aku tak peduli.. 'ku terus berlari
Back to Reff...
Dan lihatlah sayang, hujan turun membasahi, seolah 'ku berair mata..
Reff2:
Cepat pulang.. cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi
firasatku ingin kau 'tuk
Cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi
firasatku ingin kau 'tuk
Cepat pulang.... pulang.... hoooww
aku pun sadari.. engkaulah firasat hati..
as you read the lyrics..you can see that the words are beautifully arranged...especially the first paragraph..that's one of the reasons i like this song..another reason is the rentak (what's 'rentak' in english?? is it 'melody'??) it's soft n relaxing...biler kt tengah2 tu..rhythm nye naik sikit, naik, naik...i like that :)
it's like the singer sang this song with all his heart... terkesan sungguh! hehe..
Kemarin.. ku lihat awan membentuk wajahmu
desau angin meniupkan namamu, tubuhku terpaku
Semalam.. bulan sabit melengkungkan senyummu
Tabur bintang serupa kilau auramu
aku pun sadari.. 'ku segra berlari..
Reff:
Cepat pulang.. cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi
firasatku ingin kau 'tuk
cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi
Akhirnya.. bagai sungai yang mendamba samudera
ku tahu pasti kemana kan 'ku bermuara, smoga ada waktu Sayangku.. 'ku percaya alam pun berbahasa
ada makna di balik semua pertanda
Firasat ini, rasa rindukah ataukah tanda bahaya
aku tak peduli.. 'ku terus berlari
Back to Reff...
Dan lihatlah sayang, hujan turun membasahi, seolah 'ku berair mata..
Reff2:
Cepat pulang.. cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi
firasatku ingin kau 'tuk
Cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi
firasatku ingin kau 'tuk
Cepat pulang.... pulang.... hoooww
aku pun sadari.. engkaulah firasat hati..
antara tanggungjawab dgn kehendak hati...
i didnt sleep well this morning. frustrated sey...badan dah penat, tp tk selesa tido. dah lah angin tk masuk! ape gunenye tgl kt tingkat yg tinggi tp tkde angin?! urgh! n then, katil asyik creak aje...not my side, tp kt atas..or somewhere there.. no, it's not scary. it's damn irritating! creak nye bukan smbrgn...bunyi nye mcm clock ticking, tp sometimes irregular..sometimes rase dekat nah dgn telinge! kan susah kite nk tido! betul ar..me nk cari source bunyi tu. dah betulkan tilam kt tingkat atas pon masih bunyi jugak, albeit faint. however, i believe my body movement also affects the sound. yeah, i've done a bit of experiment.
anyway, semalam me pergi mks...ade iftar jamaie. bagus jugak ah me gi sane..klw tidak tk terhafal2 surah baru..haiz~ klw malas mcm gini, biler lah nk khatam?! me sampai siang..pukul 3 lebih..dgn huda sekali. tpkan, biler duduk menghafal tu, tk concentrate plak..my mind was on the iftar. yelah, risau jugak..takut2 tk ramai org turn up. jd me msg sane, msg sini..fuyo~ nasib baik gunekan hp ayah..hehe~ tu satu hal, lagi satu..kt sape nk mintak izin? yelah, kite nk gunekan bilik kt sebelah auditorium tu..alhamdulillah~ perkara tu beres..suami ust sakinah kate boleh gunekan, tp kena "ensure that the room is clean before all of you go"..something like that ah.."kita tak nak ada bau2 makanan.." haiz~ akibatnye, me pon risau jugak klw ade bits n pieces of food kt floor tu..tk senang me dibuatnye! tp tkpelah, demi kebaikan semua :)
hmmm...suami ust sakinah ajak pergi rawatan. oh! bestnye! baik plak dia ajak.. sebenarnye, me nak jugaklah tgk dgn mate kepale sendiri mcmane rawatan nie dijalankan.. mesti gerek kan? sadly though, i decided that i couldnt go. why? well, me tk boleh tglkn aktiviti iftar tu begitu sahaje. i must be there from start to finish. kan mcm kelakar gitu, me semangat2 datang awal, beli makanan..tp, end up me tk tolong kemas or selesaikan aktiviti nie dgn sempurna. haaa~ nanti ape pulak yg lain kate?!
n so, this kind of circumstance reflects this post's title. alhamdulillah~ i chose tanggungjawab. ye, mungkin perkara nie perkara kecil..dan me diuji dgn perkara kecil seperti ini. biase2kan dgn perkara2 kecil dulu, ye tak? jd klw ade perkara besar dan amat penting..n i have to make a decision..im well prepared for it.. tpkan, biler pikir balik..tkkn asyik ikut tanggungjawab je..kehendak sendiri macam mane??? im very aware that tanggungjawab itu lebih penting dari kehendak hati. in most situations, of course. but i think, there ARE situations where we must/should follow our hearts, for once, and abandon our responsibility, for once. and maybe, it'll turn out ok. who knows?? yelah, kesian jugak lilin tu.. membakar diri sendiri untuk memberi cahaya kpd manusia..it's its responsibility..but we humans wouldnt want to burn ourselves to ashes just to fulfil our responsibilities, would we??
another scenario of "antara tanggungjawab dgn kehendak hati":
masa tu hari raya, gi rumah guru. khairunnisa nak balik..dah malam dah..rumahnye kt beach rd..kan bahaye jln kt tpt2 sunyi sorang2..mase tu kite nk pergi rmh kak ummu, last house, dr rumah ust juliah..n so, org yg tgl dkt dgn khairun ialah >> afeyah..
afeyah pujuk khairun..rumah kak ummu tu last house..jd slps tu boleh balik same2.. tp khairun tk nk..dia nk balik jugak.. (alahai~) on that time, adilah n i were on the scene too..n we knew afeyah nak pergi rumah kak ummu.. afeyah relented although i could see from the face that she wasnt looking forward to go home before she could visit kak ummu's house.
what did i do then? i encouraged afeyah to accompany khairun home. adilah tgk semcm.. i knew that she expected me to be on afeyah's side..but to me, it's better for her to go home with khairun.. kesian jugak me tgk afeyah.. she looked defeated.. i hope she didnt think that i purposely halau her or something. no, it wasnt what my action meant. let's do a bit of hypothesis here: klw something bad happen to khairun mcmane??? wont afeyah regret later if she didnt accompany khairun?? bagi me, amat baik sekali afeyah nk temankan khairun balik, walaupun dia sendiri nk gi rumah kak ummu. jd, teruskanlah dgn niat baik tu..dpt pahala pe.. sometimes friendship needs sacrifice, sape yg tk tahu hakikat tu??
ok, ok..mungkin khairun sepatutnye tolerant ah sikit..i mean, klw gi rumah kak ummu, nanti balik same2 dgn afeyah jugak pe..but that wasnt how it is..in fact, she was adamant to go home..so, kite kene sesuaikan dgn situasi tu..mungkin klw khairun bertolak ansur, dua2 pihak berpuas hati..that would've been much better. tp, khairun nk sgt balik, so afeyah ade dua pilihan: samade dia ikut khairun atau ikut kite (me, adilah n yg lain2)...no more choices, right?? n so, she chose the former. i respect her for her choice. it's a right one, well, to me at least.
enough said.
tk ramai yg dtg iftar..dlm tujuh org je..tk termasuk ust sakinah ah..tp, puas makan! hehe~ alhamdulillah~ ade one part tu: part makan popiah..well, i wanted to try it, until i looked closely at the popiah skin n smelled the popiah..nak kate basi, tk kot. tp rasenye..umm..ntah eh..baunye pon tk ok. actually, what really turned me off was the skin. one look, nmpk mcm dah basi/rosak..i even thought that maybe mould had appeared! ish!
so people, bukan lah me dah tk boleh mkn lagi..but the food itself yg buat me tk nk mkn..but then, tkpelah..me lantak je..naseb baik huda makan sikit..klw tidak.. urgh! i actually thought of vomiting up all the food. im not anorexic ok? it's just that me dah BYK sgt makan..plus the popiah..*sigh*
ok lah..dah cukup panjang entry nie..kejap2 save.. hmmmm..
anyway, semalam me pergi mks...ade iftar jamaie. bagus jugak ah me gi sane..klw tidak tk terhafal2 surah baru..haiz~ klw malas mcm gini, biler lah nk khatam?! me sampai siang..pukul 3 lebih..dgn huda sekali. tpkan, biler duduk menghafal tu, tk concentrate plak..my mind was on the iftar. yelah, risau jugak..takut2 tk ramai org turn up. jd me msg sane, msg sini..fuyo~ nasib baik gunekan hp ayah..hehe~ tu satu hal, lagi satu..kt sape nk mintak izin? yelah, kite nk gunekan bilik kt sebelah auditorium tu..alhamdulillah~ perkara tu beres..suami ust sakinah kate boleh gunekan, tp kena "ensure that the room is clean before all of you go"..something like that ah.."kita tak nak ada bau2 makanan.." haiz~ akibatnye, me pon risau jugak klw ade bits n pieces of food kt floor tu..tk senang me dibuatnye! tp tkpelah, demi kebaikan semua :)
hmmm...suami ust sakinah ajak pergi rawatan. oh! bestnye! baik plak dia ajak.. sebenarnye, me nak jugaklah tgk dgn mate kepale sendiri mcmane rawatan nie dijalankan.. mesti gerek kan? sadly though, i decided that i couldnt go. why? well, me tk boleh tglkn aktiviti iftar tu begitu sahaje. i must be there from start to finish. kan mcm kelakar gitu, me semangat2 datang awal, beli makanan..tp, end up me tk tolong kemas or selesaikan aktiviti nie dgn sempurna. haaa~ nanti ape pulak yg lain kate?!
n so, this kind of circumstance reflects this post's title. alhamdulillah~ i chose tanggungjawab. ye, mungkin perkara nie perkara kecil..dan me diuji dgn perkara kecil seperti ini. biase2kan dgn perkara2 kecil dulu, ye tak? jd klw ade perkara besar dan amat penting..n i have to make a decision..im well prepared for it.. tpkan, biler pikir balik..tkkn asyik ikut tanggungjawab je..kehendak sendiri macam mane??? im very aware that tanggungjawab itu lebih penting dari kehendak hati. in most situations, of course. but i think, there ARE situations where we must/should follow our hearts, for once, and abandon our responsibility, for once. and maybe, it'll turn out ok. who knows?? yelah, kesian jugak lilin tu.. membakar diri sendiri untuk memberi cahaya kpd manusia..it's its responsibility..but we humans wouldnt want to burn ourselves to ashes just to fulfil our responsibilities, would we??
another scenario of "antara tanggungjawab dgn kehendak hati":
masa tu hari raya, gi rumah guru. khairunnisa nak balik..dah malam dah..rumahnye kt beach rd..kan bahaye jln kt tpt2 sunyi sorang2..mase tu kite nk pergi rmh kak ummu, last house, dr rumah ust juliah..n so, org yg tgl dkt dgn khairun ialah >> afeyah..
afeyah pujuk khairun..rumah kak ummu tu last house..jd slps tu boleh balik same2.. tp khairun tk nk..dia nk balik jugak.. (alahai~) on that time, adilah n i were on the scene too..n we knew afeyah nak pergi rumah kak ummu.. afeyah relented although i could see from the face that she wasnt looking forward to go home before she could visit kak ummu's house.
what did i do then? i encouraged afeyah to accompany khairun home. adilah tgk semcm.. i knew that she expected me to be on afeyah's side..but to me, it's better for her to go home with khairun.. kesian jugak me tgk afeyah.. she looked defeated.. i hope she didnt think that i purposely halau her or something. no, it wasnt what my action meant. let's do a bit of hypothesis here: klw something bad happen to khairun mcmane??? wont afeyah regret later if she didnt accompany khairun?? bagi me, amat baik sekali afeyah nk temankan khairun balik, walaupun dia sendiri nk gi rumah kak ummu. jd, teruskanlah dgn niat baik tu..dpt pahala pe.. sometimes friendship needs sacrifice, sape yg tk tahu hakikat tu??
ok, ok..mungkin khairun sepatutnye tolerant ah sikit..i mean, klw gi rumah kak ummu, nanti balik same2 dgn afeyah jugak pe..but that wasnt how it is..in fact, she was adamant to go home..so, kite kene sesuaikan dgn situasi tu..mungkin klw khairun bertolak ansur, dua2 pihak berpuas hati..that would've been much better. tp, khairun nk sgt balik, so afeyah ade dua pilihan: samade dia ikut khairun atau ikut kite (me, adilah n yg lain2)...no more choices, right?? n so, she chose the former. i respect her for her choice. it's a right one, well, to me at least.
enough said.
tk ramai yg dtg iftar..dlm tujuh org je..tk termasuk ust sakinah ah..tp, puas makan! hehe~ alhamdulillah~ ade one part tu: part makan popiah..well, i wanted to try it, until i looked closely at the popiah skin n smelled the popiah..nak kate basi, tk kot. tp rasenye..umm..ntah eh..baunye pon tk ok. actually, what really turned me off was the skin. one look, nmpk mcm dah basi/rosak..i even thought that maybe mould had appeared! ish!
so people, bukan lah me dah tk boleh mkn lagi..but the food itself yg buat me tk nk mkn..but then, tkpelah..me lantak je..naseb baik huda makan sikit..klw tidak.. urgh! i actually thought of vomiting up all the food. im not anorexic ok? it's just that me dah BYK sgt makan..plus the popiah..*sigh*
ok lah..dah cukup panjang entry nie..kejap2 save.. hmmmm..
unhealthy living
that's what i've been doing since 4/5 days ago. unhealthy living. me.
most of the days since the holiday started, i stay home. doing what?, you ask. filling my stomach with many kinds of food, hibernating (it's an exaggeration!), deteriorating my eyes by watching tv/dvds/vcds n playing the net.
n today's one of the worst. i woke up ard 11 am. and slept again ard 1 something until 5 something. dang unhealthy huh? in between, when i was conscious, all i did was eat and read a fiction book.
after waking up ard 5 something pm, i took a bath (really soaked it man! the weather's kinda hot, n i was sticky with sweat), prayed (kena qadha' zohor ah..) n then...ate an early dinner. ergh! i want to eat chocolates actually, n i want van houten's! but there is none, sadly. mcm nk pegi kedai je! right this minute. but i have to fight, fight, fight this endless desire of mine! *shakes head*
anyway, yesterday i went to mks..murajaah ramai2 cum meeting. first time as 'ketua', since kak halimah tkde..so i take up her place. naib ketua?? im still undecided. i just dont know who to choose. i mean, if the decision-making is solely in my hand, then im clueless..but im thinking of asking everyone to vote.
it went well, i guess. ust sakinah even bought some food from kfc :) :) thanks! by the look of it, everyone was hungry. we also decided to go hiking together..yeah! pelajar banat tahfiz..pergi hiking..it'll be great!
ok, i better go now! actually i've a lot more things to say..tp computer buat problem..asyik stuck je...ape yg dah tulis semua hilang! tk ke frust dibuatnye?!
most of the days since the holiday started, i stay home. doing what?, you ask. filling my stomach with many kinds of food, hibernating (it's an exaggeration!), deteriorating my eyes by watching tv/dvds/vcds n playing the net.
n today's one of the worst. i woke up ard 11 am. and slept again ard 1 something until 5 something. dang unhealthy huh? in between, when i was conscious, all i did was eat and read a fiction book.
after waking up ard 5 something pm, i took a bath (really soaked it man! the weather's kinda hot, n i was sticky with sweat), prayed (kena qadha' zohor ah..) n then...ate an early dinner. ergh! i want to eat chocolates actually, n i want van houten's! but there is none, sadly. mcm nk pegi kedai je! right this minute. but i have to fight, fight, fight this endless desire of mine! *shakes head*
anyway, yesterday i went to mks..murajaah ramai2 cum meeting. first time as 'ketua', since kak halimah tkde..so i take up her place. naib ketua?? im still undecided. i just dont know who to choose. i mean, if the decision-making is solely in my hand, then im clueless..but im thinking of asking everyone to vote.
it went well, i guess. ust sakinah even bought some food from kfc :) :) thanks! by the look of it, everyone was hungry. we also decided to go hiking together..yeah! pelajar banat tahfiz..pergi hiking..it'll be great!
ok, i better go now! actually i've a lot more things to say..tp computer buat problem..asyik stuck je...ape yg dah tulis semua hilang! tk ke frust dibuatnye?!
Seindah Mawar Berduri (episod 1)
Seindah Mawar Berduri
Hasil Karya: FATIMAH SYARHA MOHD NOORDIN
Disenarai Pada: 25 September, 2005
Khazinatul Asrar...khazanah kerahsiaan.
Seorang gadis yang menyimpan rahsia kesucian hati yang takut dan cinta pada Ilahi di sebalik tabir aurat yang menghijab diri. Dia menjadi siulan ramai lelaki namun falsafah cinta yang dipegangnya menyebabkan dirinya tidak mudah untuk dimiliki. Dia tetap teguh dengan falsafahnya biarpun didatangi dugaan cinta silih berganti. Khazinatul Asrar mendapat keistimewaan itu kerana rahsia falsafah cintanya pada Ilahi. Cinta yang kudus dan suci. Kehebatan falsafah cintanya itu menyebabkan banyak kumbang yang akur tewas. Mereka tak terdaya menempuhi ranjau dan duri sepanjang perjalanan untuk menyunting mawar idaman. Apakah sebenarnya falsafah cinta Khazinatul Asrar?
Adakah cintanya semata-mata untuk Ilahi lalu meminggirkan lelaki?
Kenapakah ramai kumbang yang tercabar untuk memiliki si mawar yang sedang mekar di Taman Larangan itu? Dan banyak lagi persoalan yang perlu diterokai...
Akhirnya muncullah si jejaka pilihan Allah S.W.T buat si mawar berduri, menyingkap seribu satu rahsia kesucian hati di sebalik tabir cinta Khazinatul Asrar. Bagaimana Khazinatul Asrar akhirnya dimiliki?
Siapakah sang kumbang itu yang berjaya mencari penawar bisa duri wardah?
Sucinya cintamu Khazinatul Asrar, seindah mawar berduri...
*************************
FATIMAH SYARHA MOHD NOORDIN
Bingkisan tinta ini kutujukan istimewa buat mereka yang mencari kejernihan redho Ilahi dalam percintaan...
Terimalah...
Seindah Mawar Berduri...
*************************
"Khazinatul asrar, kau pencuri!" Khazinatul Asrar tergamam melihat sekeping nota kecil berwarna biru lembut yang terselit di dalam buku Usul Fiqh nya. Seribu persoalan bertandang di benak fikiran.
"Apa yang aku curi?" bisiknya sendiri penuh kehairanan.
Matanya liar memerhati sekeliling dewan kuliah, manalah tahu kalau-kalau ada mata yang sedang melihat reaksinya tatkala dia menatap nota itu...mata yang mungkin sedang nakal melihatnya dirinya diperlakukan begitu. Namun tiada seorang pun daripada rakan sekuliahnya yang menunjukkan reaksi yang mencurigakan. Masing-masing sibuk dengan kerja sendiri.
"Biarkanlah..!!" hatinya berbisik lagi. Dia tidak mahu menyerabutkan fikirannya untuk berfikir soal nota kecil itu yang dirasakan suatu gurauan semata-mata.Lengan jubahnya ditarik sedikit untuk melihat jam di tangannya. Sudah pukul 8.50 pagi! 10 minit lagi kelas Usul Fiqh akan bermula. Sekejap saja lagi Dr.Maisarah yang sering mengawali waktu akan masuk untuk memulakan sessi kuliyahnya. Tepat seperti apa yang disangka, derapan laju tapak kasut seorang wanita 40-an itu memang cukup dikenalinya. Masuklah doktor falsafah dalam bidang Pengajian Islam itu. Tatkala itu juga, barulah Khaznatul Asrar sedar bahawa kerusi di sebelahnya masih kosong.
"Mana Hijriah?" getus hatinya. Pandangannya terbuang keluar pintu dewan untuk mencari-cari kelibat rakan sebilik, sekamsis dan sekuliahnya itu kalau-kalau dia terlewat datang. Hampa. "Mungkin dia kurang sihat... kasihan dia tak dapat mengikuti kuliah hari nie. Tapi... betulkah dia sakit? kalau demam sikit-sikit tu, dia tak mungkin tinggalkan kelas. Hijriah bukan begitu orangnya..." hatinya berbicara sendiri. Sedikit rasa bimbang datang bertamu.
"Hijriah tak datang hari ni? Err , boleh saya duduk sini?"
Lamunan Khazinatul Asrar terhenti oleh sapaan Tsabit yang tiba-tiba datang melabuhkan punggung di sebelahnya tanpa diundang. Khazinatul Asrar hanya mampu berdiam diri, jiwanya beristighfar panjang kerana tidak selesa didampingi oleh seorang lelaki ajnabi. Apatah lagi lelaki itu memang sejak dulu lagi sering untuk cuba untuk mendekatinya tetapi tidak pernah dilayan. Pelajar-pelajar Fakulti Pengajian Islam, UKM terus memfokuskan perhatian kepada Dr.Maisarah sebaik sahaja kelas bermula.
"Kenapa sorang je hari nie? Mana Hijriah?" tersembul pertanyaan itu dari mulut Tsabit sedangkan Dr.Maisarah sedang lantang memberikan kuliahnya. Seolah-olah dia ingin memulakan perbualan. Konsentrasi Khazinatul Asrar terganggu seketika.
Bibirnya digetap. Geram. Astargfirullah...
"Maafkan saya, saudara. Kita di dewan kuliah sekarang nie!" Khazinatul Asrar bernada agak tegas tanpa menjeling sedikitpun kepada Tsabit apatah lagi untuk menoleh. Dia tidak mahu membuka ruang kepada Tsabit yang sering mencari peluang.
Pandangannya tetap setia tertumpu pada Dr.Maisarah namun pertanyaan Tsabit itu membuat fikirannya melayang memikirkan Hijriah yang tidak datang ke kuliah. Persoalan-persoalan yang berlegar di mindanya ditambah pula dengan ketidakselesaan didampingi Tsabit menyebabkan dia tewas untuk memberikan sepenuh perhatian kepada syarahan Dr.Maisarah. Dalam sedar mahupun tidak, fikirannya melayang entah kemana. Wajah Hijriah berlegar-legar disudut ingatan.
Masakan tidak, Hijriah bersiap-siap seperti biasa pagi tadi. Ceria seperti hari-hari biasa. Langsung tiada tanda-tanda yang menunjukkan dia sakit. Tak mungkin tiba-tiba sahaja dia jatuh sakit. Apa yang telah terjadi kepadanya?
Terbit pula kesalan dihatinya kerana tidak pergi ke dewan kuliah bersama-sama Hijriah. Bukan apa, Hijriah suka datang lambat sedangkan Khazinatul Asrar lebih gemar datang awal ke dewan kuliah agar bolehlah dia mengulangkaji secara ringan sebelum kuliyah bermula.
Tsabit yang menyedari dirinya telah menimbulkan kemarahan Khazinatul Asrar lagi, mula memberikan sepenuh perhatian kepada syarahan Dr.Maisarah. Dia selalu tersilap waktu untuk cuba mendekati gadis pujaannya itu. Lantaran itu, setiap kali cuba mendekati Khazinatul Asrar, dia pasti dimarahi secara lembut tetapi tegas olehnya. Malah, sejak awal perkenalan, dia tidak pernah diberi walau seulas senyuman sekalipun. Namun, Tsabit adalah seorang pemuda yang tidak mengenal erti serik dan jemu. Sopan santun, kelembutan, keayuan, akhlak dan keperibadian Khazinatul Asrar membakar semangatnya untuk tidak tewas memenangi hati gadis tersebut. Saban waktu, malamnya ditemani mimpi seraut wajah yang bermahkotakan tudung labuh sebagai penghias diri dan dilindungi jubah, sunnah sahabiah. Dia igaukan seorang bidadari yang beridentitikan Muslimah sejati.
'Tomorrow... please present this topic...'" Dr Maisarah mengakhiri sesi kuliyahnya yang telah sejam berlalu.
"Astargfirullahal azhim... apa yang aku dapat hari ni?" spontan Khazinatul Asrar menuturkan kata-kata itu membuatkan Tsabit berpaling kepadanya. "Kenapa Asrar?"
Tsabit memberanikan diri bertanya. Prihatin.
"Err.. nothing!" Khazinatul Asrar cepat-cepat berdalih dan mula menyibukkan diri mengemas buku-buku di hadapannya.
"Saya tahu, awak tak salin apa-apa nota tadi, kan? awak fikirkan sesuatu ye?!" Tsabit cuba menduga. Memang sepanjang kuliah matanya sering menjeling-jelling. Khazinatul Asrar bingkas bangun dari kerusinya untuk segera mengakhiri perbualan yang tidak diminta itu.
"Maaf, saya nak pulang dulu," getusnya seolah-olah acuh tak acuh dengan pertanyaan Tsabit.
"Ish, sombongnya!" keluh Tsabit.
"Sombong pun sombonglah.. thanks!" balas Khazinatul Asrar bersahaja. Langkahnya mula diatur. Pantas Tsabit memintasnya.
"Nanti...!" halang Tsabit. Khazinatul Asrar menundukkan pandangannya. Tidak sanggup untuknya menentang renungan mata dari pemuda yang berdarah Melayu-Libya itu. Dia hanya mampu mendengus lemah. Geram bila langkahnya disekat.
Hatinya berzikir.
"Err... Kalau awak sudi, pinjamlah nota saya nie," sambil tangannya menghulurkan sebuah buku nota yang cantik bersampul biru muda.
"Terima-kasih jelah... saya boleh merujuknya semula dengan rakan-rakan perempuan yang lain," balas Khazinatul Asrar. Menolak.
"Kalau macam tu, awak tolonglah pinjamkan nota saya nie untuk Hijriah." Tsabit masih tidak berputus asa. Dia tahu Hijriah sebilik dengan Khazinatul Asrar. Masih ada strategi lain!
"Sekali lagi, terima kasihlah saudara. Hijriah pun boleh merujuk nota lain bersama saya nanti. Lebih baik saudara bawa pulang saja nota saudara nie dan buat revision untuk presentation esok," tegas Khazinatul Asrar.
"Ish, sombong betullah. Tak baik tau! Allah tak suka orang sombong. Baca dalil karang, baru tau..." Tsabit mula geram dengan penolakan demi penolakan.
"Jangan memandai dengan dalil, tengok situasilah. Allah lagi tak suka orang..." kata-kata Khazinatul Asrar cepat-cepat dipotong...
"Awak memang tak sudi dengan nota saya dan macam–macam alasan awak bagi. However, saya amanahkan awak pinjamkannya untuk Hijriah." Tsabit bernada merajuk dan meninggalkan notanya di atas kerusi sambil berlalu pergi. Khazinatul Asrar menggeleng–gelengkan kepalanya. Dia berasa geli hati dengan perbuatan Tsabit yang beria–ria untuk meminjamkan buku notanya. Bagaikan hanya dia seorang sahaja yang menyalin nota Dr.Maisarah. Setelah difikir–fikir, Khazinatul Asrar akhirnya membawa pulang nota Tsabit itu untuk diberikan kepada Hijriah memandangkan perkataan 'mengamanahkan' yang Tsabit tuturkan.
Langkahnya disusun kemas untuk pulang ke kamsisnya. Lamunan tentang Hijriah hadir lagi, seolah–olah episodnya bersambung sejak dari dewan kuliah tadi.
Hijriah belum pernah ponteng kuliah seperti hari ini. Sebagai teman sebilik, dia terlalu ingin tahu keadaan Hijriah di saat itu. Sakitkah dia? Khazinatul Asrar mula berasa bersalah terhadap dirinya sendiri yang mungkin terlalu sibuk mengejar waktu hingga agak mengabaikan situasi teman sebiliknya itu sejak kebelakangan ini.
Penglibatannya sebagai salah seorang perwakilan pelajar PMUKM (Persatuan Mahasiswa Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia) sudah cukup membuatkan hari-hari yang dilaluinya terlalu padat dan singkat. Tenaga, wang dan waktu lapang banyak dikorbankan untuk perjuangannya di kampus itu. Waktu malamnya pula dihabiskan untuk menyiapkan assignment di Perpustakaan Tun Sri Lanang, perpustakaan terbesar di asia tenggara. Baginya tiada istilah rehat selagi dia tidak mampu menyeimbangkan sebijaksana mungkin masa yang dia ada untuk menunaikan tanggung jawab. Khazinatul Asrar menyedari kebenaran kata-kata As-Syahid Al-Iman Hassan Al-Banna:
"...kewajipan yang perlu kamu lakukan lebih banyak daripada masa yang kamu ada."
~Sesegar hijau daunan, begitulah kita diibaratkan...tiada siapa yang bisa memisahkan kita...antara kita semua...~
Dari tangga kamsis lagi, lagu favourite Hijriah itu bergema kedengaran. Kuat sekali. Khazinatul Asrar menggeleng-gelengkan kepalanya dan terus menyusun langkah menuju ke biliknya yang terletak di barisan ketiga, level 1. Tidak syak lagi, irama nasyid dendangan In-team itu memang datang dari biliknya. Dia dapat menduga bahawa Hijriah pasti ada di dalam bilik.
"Hijriah. Asrar balik nie!" pintu yang tidak berkunci itu dikuaknya perlahan–lahan.
Salamnya tiada jawapan. Didapatinya Hijriah sedang tidur dengan bantal ditelangkupkan diatas kepala. Kipas siling berputar ligat dengan penunjuk mengarah full. Lagaknya bagaikan orang yang ada masalah. Khazinatul Asrar memperlahankan volume radio kerana bimbang mengganggu penghuni lain. Serentak dengan itu Hijriah terjaga dari lenanya yang mungkin tidur-tidur ayam sahaja.
"Eh, Asrar dah balik rupanya..." Hijriah berkata lembut sambil membetulkan kedudukan bantalnya. Khazinatul Asrar mengukir senyuman. Perlahan-lahan dia menghampiri Hijriah dan duduk di sebelahnya. Tangannya menjamah dahi Hijriah.
"Tak panas pun!" kata Khazinatul Asrar perlahan.
"Sejak bila pula saya demam?" balas Hijriah bersahaja.
"Habis tue kenapa tak datang kuliyah pagi nie?" tanya Khazinatul Asrar pula.
"Err... topik baru ke hari nie?" Hijriah cuba mengalih perbualan.
"Hijriah... saya tanya nie!" Khazinatul Asrar tidak mahu Hijriah menyembunyikan sesuatu. "Kenapa ni?" Khazinatul Asrar memujuk lembut.
"Tak ada apa-apa... betul!" Hijriah masih membuat aksi selamba.
"Habis tu, pagi tadi awak bersiap-siap bukan untuk ke kuliyah?" Khazinatul Asrar masih tidak berpuas hati dengan jawapan Hijriah.
"Saya ke Mini Market. Beli Coklat Dairy Milk 10 packs untuk hilangkan tension," jelas Hijriah berterus-terang.
"Kalau tak percaya, tengok dalam basket tu. Penuh plastik coklat, kan?!" Hijrah menguatkan kenyataannya.
"Hilangkan tension dengan coklat??? Hijrah yang saya kenali biasanya menatap Al- Quran bila ada masalah," getus Khazinatul Asrar masih curiga.
"Saya tak ada apa-apa. Percayalah Asrar! Saya Cuma tension sikit saja pagi tadi... sekarang dah okey," sambil bibirnya mengukir senyuman hambar.
"Kenapa tension sampai ponteng kuliyah?" Khazinatul Asrar terus bertanya. Hijriah terdiam.
"Ada masalah ye?! Kongsilah..." pujuk Khazinatul Asrar lagi.
"Tak ada lah... mungkin nak period kot sebab tulah rasa tension," Hijriah terus berdalih.
"Period? Bukankah baru seminggu lepas...." Khazinatul Asrar mencelah. Mematahkan alasan yang mungkin sengaja direka-reka.
"Hijriah, kalau ada masalah, saya sentiasa bersama awak. Saya sentiasa sedia mendengar apa saja. Janganlah macam ni..." Khazinatul Asrar masih tidak jemu memujuk sahabatnya.
Raut wajah Hijriah jelas menyembunyikan sesuatu. Dia tetap enggan menceritakannya kepada Khazinatul Asrar. Tidak seperti selalu. Dia sebenarnya seorang yang ceria dan berterus-terang. Namun, tidak untuk kali ini...
"Alah Asrar nie...lupakanlah perkara tue. Lain kali, saya janji tak ponteng kuliyah lagi," Hijriah seolah-olah mula bosan dengan desakan Khazinatul Asrar.
"Betul tak ada apa-apa ni?" Khazinatul Asrar cuba menduga lagi.
"Awak dah tak percaya saya lagi ke?" kata Hijriah seakan merajuk.
"Okey,okey... kali ni awak boleh sembunyikan sesuatu dari saya, tapi esok–esok tidak lagi, tau!"
"Oh, ya! Nie nota Tsabit tentang topik hari ni. Awal pagi esok ada presentation,"
Sambil nota bersampul biru itu diserahkan kepada Hijriah. Mata Hijriah sedikit terbeliak. Tangannya pantas menyambut dan membelek – belek buku nota tersebut.
"Tsabit suruh berikan kepada saya?" tanya Hijriah minta kepastian.
"Emm..." Khazinatul Asrar menjawab ringkas. Malas diceritakan kembali peristiwa tadi. Pemuda itu sering membuatkannya geram hinggakan dia terasa malas menyebut nama itu berulang kali.
"Kenapa tiba–tiba saja Tsabit boleh teringatkan saya? Pelik ni!" Hijriah bertanya sambil tangannya terus membelek-belek nota itu.
"Dia sukakan awak kot..." Khazinatul Asrar cuba mengusik, sengaja mahu melihat reaksi temannya. Tiada respon marah. Sebaliknya Hijriah mula tersenyum-senyum sendiri.
"Ish, lain pula jadinya..." Bisik hati kecil Khazinatul Asrar.
"Asrar, dia tak cakap apa-apa tentang saya?" Hijriah nampak semakin berminat bertanyakan Tsabit. Khazinatul Asrar menarik nafas. Dia mula mencari alasan untuk menyegerakan dirinya bebas dari bercakap pasal Tsabit.
"Tengah-tengah hari ni, saya nak tidur qoilulah dulu lah. Lepas zohor nanti, saya ada usrah. Petang ni pula ada meeting. Lain kali sajalah kita cakap pasal dia!"
Badannya terus direbahkan ke katil sambil mata dipejamkan. Sengaja diceritakan aktiviti-aktivitinya pada hari itu untuk menagih simpati Hijriah agar mengizinkannya berehat. Hijriah mencebik bibir sambil fikirannya menerawang jauh. Entah ke mana.
Wajahnya kembali berserabut kerana memikirkan sesuatu.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Syaqiera, Yusra, Sayyidah, Roziana, Juliea, Nur Fatihah dan Nik An-Najah sudah sedia menanti Khazinatul Asrar di Kafetaria Alumni. Mereka sering datang lebih awal untuk memberi penghormatan kepada kakak Naqibah kesayangan mereka, merangkap salah seorang perwakilan pelajar yang dihormati dan disegani. Halaqoh usrah yang diadakan setiap minggu itu sering mereka nanti-nantikan kerana eratnya simpulan ukhuwwah yang terjalin sesama mereka.
Seperti biasa, majlis itu dibuka dengan Ummul Kitab dan tafsiran beberapa potong ayat suci Al –Quran sebelum memulakan silibus usrah.
"Lihat surah Al-Maidah(5) ayat 41," arah Khazinatul Asrar. Semuanya mula membelek tafsir Quran masing-masing.
"Biar saya bacakan..." Yusro menawarkan diri tanpa perlu diminta. "dan saya bacakan tafsirnya..." Sayyidah tidak mahu terkecuali. Khazinatul Asrar tersenyum lembut sambil mengangguk. Lalu, beralunlah suara merdu mereka.
"Baiklah, dalam ayat yang dibacakan tadi, Kak Asrar nak highlightkan firman Allah yang bermaksud : 'barangsiapa yang Allah kehendaki kesesatannya, maka kamu tidak akan sesekali dapat menolak sesuatu pun (yang datang )dari Allah. Mereka itu adalah orang-orang yang Allah tidak mahu menyucikan hati mereka. Mereka beroleh kehinaan di dunia dan akhirat kelak mereka beroleh azab yang pedih.' Sodaqallahul Azhim.
Tafsir ayat ini menjelaskan jika seseorang sudah terbiasa mendengar kebatilan dan menerimanya, ia kan menghijab dirinya dari kebenaran. Hatinya dibiarkan angguk pada kesesatan. Dia menerima kebatilan dah tentu dia sebenarnya menyukainya. Akibatnya, ketika kebenaran datang tanpa memenuhi seleranya dia menolak dan mendustakannya. Why not? Hatinya dah gelap dan tak nampak lagi cahaya Allah.
Sebagai alasan, Allah biarkannya terus dalam kesesatan dengan tidak memancarkan hidayah-Nya ke hati-hati mereka. Contohnya, apa yang dilakukan oleh kelompok Jahmiyah terhadap ayat-ayat dan hadis-hadis yang berkenaan dengan asma' dan sifat. Mereka menolak ayat-ayat dan hadis-hadis itu dengan ta'wil mereka sendiri.
Ikut selera mereka. Jesteru, Allah biarkan mereka dalam kesesatan kerana azab akhirat yang menanti itu sesungguhnya lebih pedih lagi.
Kita sepatutnya sentiasa menyucikan hati kita kerana hati adalah raja yang memerintah seluruh amalan. Jangan biarkan ianya dinodai oleh titik hitam. Apatah lagi membiarkan ada kebatilan yang masih bersarang disitu, walaupun sedikit.
Sentiasalah beristighfar dan zikir qolbi untuk menyucikannya kerana manusia sering membuat kesilapan." hurai Khazinatul Asrar.
"That means, mereka di dalam ayat itu bukan dikhususkan kepada satu kaum tertentu jea, kita pun boleh masuk sekali, kak Asrar, kan?" soal Yusro yang agak aktif orangnya. Minta kepastian.
"Betul tu. Kalau dilihat tafsir ayat secara keseluruhan, mereka difokuskan kepada orang-orang Yahudi yang mengubah kitab Taurat dan mendustakan ayat-ayat Allah.
Namun orang Islam sekalipun yang tahu tentang kebenaran tetapi tidak beramal dengannya sebaliknya memilih kebatilan sebagai cara hidup samalah sikapnya dengan orang-orang Yahudi laknatullah. Hatinya akan berselaput dengan noda hitam kerana sudah sebati melakukan kesilapan hingga akhirnya sukar untuk menerima kebenaran yang dia imani sebelumnya.
Sementara itu, orang yang membiasakan keadaan hatinya lalai daripada cahaya Allah S.W.T mungkin akan dihukum oleh Allah S.W.T untuk terus lalai dan jauh dari-Nya, sebagaimana ingatan Allah dalam Al-A'raf (17): ayat 179 yang bermaksud :
"dan janganlah kamu termasuk di antara orang yang lalai..."
Rasulullah S.A.W pula pernah berwasiat, baginda bersabda:
'Janganlah kalian lalai maka kalian akan melupakan rahmat.'
Kalau ada di lintasan di hati kita untuk berhijrah dari jiwa yang lalai kepada jiwa yang cintakan Allah S.W.T. maka bersegeralah untuk melakukannya kerana percayalah bahawa itu adalah lintasan benar dari Allah S.W.T. Lintasan itu merupakan hidayah yang takkan datang selalu. Jarang-jarang jea. Biasanya ianya akan disertai keyakinan yang kuat. Namun, kalau kita sering bertangguh, mungkin Allah S.W.T akan tarik balik hidayah-Nya itu. Taufiq dari-Nya bukan milik semua orang. Bukan milik orang yang tak bersedia," jelas Khazinatul Asrar lagi.
"Kak Asrar, adakah bercinta kerana Allah itu melalaikan?" Nur Fatihah mencetus persoalan. Khazinatul Asrar tersenyum. Topik cinta sering menjadi masalah utama adik-adik usrahnya selama dia bergelar Naqibah.
"Apa pendapat Syaqiera?" Khazinatul Asrar memberi peluang untuk mengemukakan pandangan.
"Iera rasa ianya tak melalaikan! Bagi Iera , itulah cinta sejati. Cinta kerana Allah biasanya diiringi wawasan untuk hidup bersama dan lahirkan zuriat yang soleh," jawab Syaqiera, petah.
"Juliea pula bagaimana?" Khazinatul Asrar bertanya lagi.
"Juliea pun setuju dengan Iera! Apa sahaja perbuatan yang dibuat ikhlas kerana Allah, mesti benda tue baik," yakin jawapannya. "Tapi Kak Asrar...
Ziana confuse tentang cinta tu..." Roziana mencelah. "Confuse? Boleh kongsi?" Khazinatul Asrar bernada lembut.
"Ziana tak malu nak berkongsi pengalaman Ziana. Ziana dicintai oleh seorang lelaki yang soleh orangnya. Dia betul-betul nak jadikan Ziana teman hidupnya selepas tamat belajar nanti. Bagi Ziana, cinta kami kerana Allah. Tapi...setelah dua tahun menjalinkan hubungan cinta, Ziana rasa hati Ziana semakin jauh daripada mengingati Allah. Kalau dulu hati ini sering berzikir, tapi kini sering ingat namanya sahaja. Rasa macam hati ini kotor. Hari-hari kami saling call.
"Lebih parah lagi bila hati ni sering memujuk untuk berjumpa dengannya selalu," luah Roziana.
"Kenapa cinta yang dijalin kerana Allah pun melalaikan?" keluhnya lagi.
"Najah rasa, cinta memang melalaikan, cinta kerana Allah tu hanyalah nama hiasan untuk menafikan kelalaian cinta," Nik An-Najah bersuara tegas.
Syaqiera mengkeriukkan dahi. Tidak tenang dengan kenyataan setegas itu.
"Okey, Kak Asrar nak tanya, apakah ciri-ciri cinta yang adik-adik anggap adalah cinta kerana Allah?" Khazinatul Asrar cuba membuka minda.
"Ianya adalah bercinta untuk berkahwin dan lahirkan anak-anak yang dididik dengan cara hidup Islam, baitul Muslim" jawab Syaqiera spontan.
"Itu natijah cinta kerana Allah. Kak Asrar bertanyakan ciri-ciri cinta kerana Allah.
Ciri-ciri yang akak maksudkan itu adalah cara bercinta itu sendiri yang dikatakan kerana Allah," Khazinatul Asrar makin membuka minda mereka.
"Apa pendapat Kak Asrar tentang itu?" Sayyidah minta kepastian.
"Kadang-kadang manusia tersalah menganggap cintanya kerana Allah padahal percintaannya menyebabkan makhluk Allah lebih diagungkan daripada Pencipta makhluk itu sendiri. Allah diketepikan. Mungkin matlamatnya dah betul dan jelas, tapi jalannya tak syaro'. Itulah yang disedihkan.
Dalam Islam ada beberapa perkara yang perlu disegerakan. Pertama, apabila solat telah masuk waktunya. Kedua, apabila jenazah hendak dikebumikan. Dan ketiga, apabila anak gadis telah bertemu calon suaminya. Kalau dilambatkan, buruk padahnya. Kita boleh buat satu conclusion, salah satu ciri-ciri cinta kerana Allah ialah apabila pasangan segera dijodohkan. Kuranglah maksiat hati yang sering dilakukan ketika percintaan."
"Tapi, takkan nak kahwin masa tengah belajar lagi ni?" getus Yusro.
"Kalau dah tak tahan apa salahnya...tapi, kalau rasa masih tak sedia, baik jangan berani untuk bercinta lagi," nasihat Khazinatul Asrar.
"Kalau dah terjebak macam Ziana ni?" gerutu Roziana.
"Ziana, jatuh cinta tak salah. Perasaan tu anugerah Allah. Tapi kalau Ziana rasa ianya boleh melalaikan tentu ada perbuatan-perbuatan yang salah, yang Allah tak redhai. Muhasabah balik. Sentiasalah berdoa pada Allah agar memelihara perasaan cinta tu sebagaimana yang Dia kehendaki, yang tak menjauhkan Ziana dari–Nya. Allah Maha Penyayang," jelas Khazinatul Asrar.
"Praktikalnya?" Roziana mahu lebih jelas.
"Kikislah keaiban–keaiban cinta seperti hari–hari bergayut di telefon, bermujahadah untuk buang nama si dia dalam solat dan sebagainya… Buatlah secara perlahan–lahan dan penuh kerelaan kerana takut dan cintakan Allah. Kak Asrar faham, Ziana perlukan masa untuk merubah situasi sedia ada. Bukan secara mendadak. Tak apalah…selagi ada kemahuan di situ ada jalan. Yakin dengan Allah," senyum berputik di bibir.
Kemudian barulah Khazinatul Asrar masuk pada silibus usrah. Dia gembira dengan amanah sebagai Naqibah lantaran menyedari taklifan itu pernah terpikul di bahu Junjungan Besar Nabi Muhammad S.A.W yang tercetus dirumah Al-Arqam bin Abi Al–Arqam. Dia tidak mahu terasing daripada golongan orang–orang yang sanggup meneruskan kesinambungan wasilah tarbiyyah Rasulullah.
"Kau mencurinya dari aku. Pencuri!!!!
Nota misteri berwarna biru lembut hadir lagi dan kali ini dalam failnya pula. Ketika itu malam masih muda. Khazinatul Asrar sedang sibuk menyiapkan assigment dalam perpustakaan. Berjilid–jilid kitab Tahdib At–Tahzib berselerak di depannya. Dia menjadi bingung dan cuba mengingat–ingat apa yang telah dia lakukan hingga digelar pencuri. Fikirannya buntu.
"Berani kerana benar! Apa yang perlu aku takutkan…mungkin ada orang yang sengaja ingin mengganggu ketenangan hidup aku. Biarlah dia…nanti bila dia rasa penat buat kerja tak berfaedah nie, tahulah dia berhenti. Moga Allah memberi hidayah padanya," hatinya memujuk sendiri. Dia pun meneruskan kerja–kerja yang masih banyak.
"..." tiba-tiba dia disapa lembut. Dia menjawab salam dari suara yang amat dikenali itu sambil wajahnya diangkat sedikit.
"Sibuk nampak... awak ni kan tak kenal penat ke? Setiap malam bertungkus-lumus siapkan assignment, siang pulak…mesyuarat sini, usrah situ, program sini, tamrin situ.
Susah nak nampak batang hidung. Malam-malam macam ni, saya dah agak, awak memang ada kat sini," leter Hijriah sambil mula mengambil tempat di depan Khazinatul Asrar. Khazinatul Asrar terus juga khusyuk dengan tugasnya.
"Saya tak kira, malam ni saya nak kacau juga awak..." celotehnya lagi.
"Asrar, awak sedar tak saya datang ni?" getus Hijriah tatkala menyedari sahabatnya hanya acuh tak acuh sahaja dengan kedatangannya. Mulutnya ditarik muncung.
Khazinatul Asrar meletakkan pen yang sejak daripada tadi rancak menari di atas helaian-helaian kertas A4.
"Yea...saya sedar, Hijriah sayang! Mimpi apa cari saya kat sini? Sebelum ni bukan main liat lagi bila saya ajak ke sini," sindir Khazinatul Asrar, bergurau.
"Tak adalah…actually, saya tengah gembira ni. Tak sabar-sabar lagi saya nak kongsi dengan awak," luah Hijriah penuh ceria. Senyumannya semakin melebar menyerlahkan susunan giginya yang cantik tersusun.
"Betul? Ish, ish, comelnya kawan saya ni bila tengah riang. Okey, ceritalah… boleh saya tumpang gembira sekali," balas Khazinatul Asrar penuh exited. Seronok melihat wajah temannya yang ceria.
"Lihat ni!" Hijriah menunjukkan buku nota berwarna biru lembut yang tertera tajuk, ‘Clinical psychology’ . Khazinatul Asrar mencapai buku itu. Rupa-rupanya buku itu kepunyaan Tsabit apabila dia mendapati nama pemuda itu tertulis di ruang dalam buku tersebut.
"Kenapa awak riang sangat dengan buku ni?" Tanya Khazinatul Asrar kehairanan.
"Saya cakap kat Tsabit, nota saya untuk subjek ni tak lengkap. Terus ditawarkan notanya pada saya. Dah agak dah semua tu…Then, waktu dia nak serahkan buku dia pada saya tadi, saya cakaplah saya belum dinner lagi, lapar sangat separuh gastric. Saya pujuk dia supaya temankan saya makan. Dia begitu baik sekali," Hijriah bersuara riang. Wajahnya memang penuh ceria. "
Kenapa awak tidak meminjamnya sahaja daripada saya?" duga Khazinatul Asrar kurang senang dengan gelagat temannya itu.
"Alah... bukan saya perlukan sangat nota tentang subjek yang menjadi favourite semua orang ni. Saya sengaja cari peluang ni untuk mengenali hati budi Tsabit. Best lah dia, Asrar," terang Hijriah.
"Astaargfirullahal azhim. Hijriah... kalau inilah niat awak, malam ni jugak awak perlu pulangkan nota nie," sambil nota biru itu diletakkan di hadapan Hijriah. "Hari ni bertukar-tukar buku nota dan makan-makan. Esok... mungkin keluar berdua-duaan pula untuk merapatkan hubungan. Semua ni tak lain, jarum syaitan untuk menghampiri khalwat dan zina," nada Khazinatul Asrar agak tegas dan emosi. Nafasnya ditarik panjang melepaskan kebimbangannya terhadap anak tunggal seorang Dato’ dari Kajang itu. Air muka Hijriah yang tadinya riang mula berubah mendung.
Khazinatul Asrar mulai sedar bahawa dia perlu berhati-hati dan berhikmah apabila menasihati Hijriah kerana Hijriah berjiwa sensitive dengan masalah melibatkan lelaki. Nalurinya terlalu cenderung untuk disayangi dan menyayangi seorang lelaki. Itulah ujian Allah yang diuji kepada setiap jiwa remaja sebenarnya. Apatah lagi, dia ketandusan kasih lelaki bergelar ayah sejak kecil lagi. Ayahnya lebih mementingkan materialistik daripada menghargai erti sebuah kasih sayang. Bagi ayahnya, memberi kemewahan sama seperti memberikan kasih sayang. Khazinatul Asrar menyedari bahawa Hijriah tersinggung. "Maafkan saya kalau saya terlalu berkasar," Khazinatul Asrar cuba memujuk kembali…
"Bukannya apa, saya sayangkan awak Hijriah. Hijriah…sebagai siswi di Fakulti Pengajian Islam nie, keindahan nilai akhlak wanitanya perlu lebih terpelihara kerana kita diasuh dengan acuan agama." Khazinatul Asrar memegang erat tangan Hijriah dan mula mengatur kata-katanya lagi, kali ini lebih lembut… "Malah setiap wanita muslimah sebenarnya tak kiralah aliran agama atau tidak, wajib memelihara akhlaknya. Hijriah, awak harus malu untuk buat begitu. Malulah menjadi hias pakaian kita sebagai muslimah" nasihat Khazinatul Asrar dengan ikhlas.
"Malu? Kenapa perlu malu? Saya bukan pemalu!" Hijriah menafikan.
"Malu memang ada tempatnya. Kita mesti menjadi pemalu untuk melakukan perkara yang tak Allah redhai sebab kita ni hanya bertaraf hamba Allah je kat muka bumi milik Allah ni. Sifat malu inilah yang akan meninggikan martabat kita sebagai wanita.
Lambang sesuatu yang mahal dan berharga, bukan sebarangan. Tentu awak masih ingat satu hadis Rasulullah S.A.W:
"Pakaian kita ketaqwaan, hiasan kita malu dan hasil kita adalah ilmu."
Hijriah cuma membisu. Khazinatul Asrar menyambung lagi.
"Allah ciptakan wanita dengan segala sifat kelembutan, keindahan dan kasih sayang.
Lantaran itu, tidak hairankah wanita sering dikaitkan dengan keindahan sekuntum bunga. Hijrah...jadilah bunga mawar yang indah.
Rasulullah bekerja di situ. Dia ada kuasa arahkan apa sahaja pada pekerja-pekerjanya. Namun, beliau merisik peribadi Rasulullah dan meminang Baginda melalui seorang hamba lelakinya bernama Maisarah. Bayangkanlah betapa terpujinya sifat malu seorang manager besar, tokoh wanita korporat terbilang pada zaman itu yang mempelopori syarikat perdagangan peringkat antarabangsa. Tidak hairanlah kualiti akhlak Sayyidatina Khadijah turut manambat hati manusia yang paling agung di sisi Allah biar pun Sayyidatina Khadijah dah pun berstatus janda 40 tahun."
"Tapi Asrar.. saya dah mula mencintai Tsabit. Saya tak mahu kehilangan Tsabit.Saya dah banyak kali kehilangan…cukuplah!" terkedu Khazinatul Asrar mendengar pengakuan sahabatnya. Mudahnya dia melafazkan cinta. Baru sebulan yang lepas Hijriah memberi tahu Khazinatul Asrar bahawa dia jatuh cinta pada seorang pelajar Medic di kampus KL. Kini, cintanya sepantas kilat beralih kepada Tsabit pula. Apalah erti cinta sebegini…cinta manusia yang sementara dan berubah-ubah. Sesuatu yang tidak pasti.
"Asrar... salahkah saya?" getus Hijriah lagi.
"Hijriah... bercinta tu tak salah," nafasnya ditarik panjang dan dia menyambung lagi, "Tapi, memuja cinta itu yang salah! Kalau nak bercinta biarlah syara’…di atas landasan Allah! Kerana cinta sering melalaikan manusia dari mengingati Allah hingga kesempurnaan ibadat terganggu. Yang lebih parah lagi, kerana cintalah manusia mula melupakan batasan-batasan pergaulan yang telah Allah gariskan. Cinta juga membuka peluang baru kepada fitnah syaitan dan mengundang murka Allah. Manusia sendirilah yang mencemari cinta yang fitrahnya kudus dan suci."
"Alah... Saya Cuma meminjam notanya dan makan-makan sikit. Tak lebih daripada itu.
Tak pegang-pegang pun!" Hijriah mencelah agak kasar. Hatinya diselubungi kebencian.
"Hijriah, saya cuma memberi peringatan sebelum tersasar. Peringatan ini semata-mata kerana saya sayangkan awak, bukankah setiap yang membawa kepada haram adalah haram. Lagipun, mencegah itu lebih baik daripada merawat." Khazinatul Asrar cuba menjernihkan keadaan. Wajah Hijriah tetap serius dan masam mencuka.
"Astargfirullahal azhim... saya tak bermaksud begitu. Ianya tak salah. Naluri cinta adalah fitrah setiap manusia. Saya sekadar memberi peringatan tentang batasan cinta. Ya cinta itu buta! Ingatlah cinta itu bukan sahaja tak mengenal sesiapa tapi tak mengenal batas haram dan halal juga. Dalam bercinta ni, liciknya strategi syaitan menipu pemikiran sepasang kekasih. Orang yang berjumpa kekasihnya memberi alasan… alah tak pegang-pegang pun. Orang yang pegang-pegang pula berkata... alah bukannya berzina pun. Orang yang berzina pula masih ada alasan…alah tak adalah sampai pregnant. Seolah-olah dia tak rasa bahawa apa yang dibuatnya tu salah.
Nau’zubillah min zalik. Di usia kita ni, cinta perlu dihijab dengan dengan iman dan khasyatillah, takutkan Allah. Allah jadikan cinta itu sebagai satu ujian. Bukan ke baru minggu lepas Ustaz Hasanul Basri ada menerangkannya dalam Kitab Silahul Ummah a’la Huda As-Sunnah. Terngiang-ngiang lagi di telinga saya ustaz bacakan satu ayat Allah,
Allah jadikan di antara lelaki dan perempuan ini fitnah ya’ni ujian atau kejahatan untuk Allah melihat sejauh mana kita bersabar dengannya dan kita kena ingat bahawa Allah itu Maha Melihat," hujah Khazinatul Asrar.
"Asrar, awak takkan faham kalau awak tak pernah bercinta. Saya sekarang dah dilamun cinta. Awak ingat nak lawan fitrah ni perkara senang ke? Susah tau!" Hijriah bertegas.
"Hijriah, benda yang susah nilah satu imtihan dari Allah untuk menguji tahap iman awak. Awak tak ingin ke berusaha mencapai keimanan tahap 4 plat? ya’ni mencari kesempurnaan iman. Sabarlah dulu pada setiap ransangan nafsu. Perkara yang Allah haramkan ni sekejap jea, Cuma dalam tempoh belum bersedia nak kahwin ni jea… perkara yang halal dalam Islam lagi luas nanti. Didiklah sikit nafsu tu agar tak mengatasi akal. Dah tak lama pun untuk awak rasai cinta lelaki bernama suami. Penuh redha Ilahi. Sabarlah… tahan dulu rasa cinta tu untuk diluahkan pada waktu yang sepatutnya nanti. Tentu kemanisannya lebih terasa dan yang penting diiringi rahmat Allah S.W.T. Kudusnya mujahadah memelihara cinta di atas landasan-Nya.
Dr. Rosmawati dah pun menerangkan secara panjang lebar tentang indahnya cinta selepas kahwin ketika kita mengikuti Bengkel Mekar Setaman di UM dulu... masih ingat tak lagi?" jelas Khazinatul Asrar.
"Tapi, saya nak jadi isteri Tsabit! Nanti takut tak kesampaian…" luah Hijriah.
Khazinatul Asrar merenung lemah wajahnya. Lidahnya beristighfar lagi untuk kesekian kalinya.
"Apa yang cuba saya sampaikan nampaknya tak kesampaian. Awak masih kurang faham…" keluh Khazinatul Asrar berbaur hampa.
"Memang... memang saya tak faham dan saya tak mahu faham. Kehadiran awak sebenarnya untuk merampas sesiapa saja yang ingin saya cintai. Kau ni perampas!
Pencuri! Jangan cuba rampas Tsabit dari saya..." Hijriah bingkas bangun dari kerusi.
Buku nota berwarna biru itu dihempas kasar ke meja seolah-olah satu luahan kemarahan. Khazinatul Asrar terkejut dan tidak menyangka Hijriah sanggup sekasar itu dengannya. Khazinatul Asrar beristighfar panjang lagi.
Kenapakah tiba-tiba sahaja konflik tercetus. Dahsyatnya peranan syaitan meracuni kefahaman temannya.
Dia juga kesal dengan tuduhan tidak berasas terhadap dirinya sebagai perampas dan pencuri. Jiwanya tersentak.
Buku yang ditinggalkan di depannya itu dibelek-belek lembut. Fikirannya berserabut dan bercelaru. Dia menyalahkan dirinya sendiri yang mungkin terlalu lemah dalam menyampaikan hujahnya kepada Hijriah menyebabkan Hijriah mula tersalah tafsir.
"Mungkin methodku tidak kena..." bisik hatinya. Di samping itu, dia memperbanyakkan zikir untuk mencari ketenangan hati. Semakin direnung-renung buku itu, persoalan lain pula yang bertandang di mindanya. Tiba-tiba sahaja dia terfikir sesuatu. "Warna yang sama!" bisik hatinya,. Tangannya terus mencapai nota biru yang masih terselit di dalam failnya. Dia cuba membanding-bandingkan warnanya. Ternyata sama sahaja. Lagipun Tsabit gemar memakai baju berwarna biru lembut ke dewan kuliah. Mungkin warna kegemarannya. Hatinya mengesyaki sesuatu. "Kalau Tsabitlah orang yang menggangguku dengan nota itu, apa yang dituntutnya?" fikirnya. Namun, dia tidak mahu menuduh sembarangan. Bimbang tersilap membuat perhitungan. Terngiang-ngiang pula di telinganya title 'perampas' dan 'pencuri' yang Hijriah tuturkan. Pencuri? What’s up? Apa yang aku curi? Apa sebenarnya ni? Keresahan terhadap konflik yang tercetus antaranya dengan Hijriah dibebani pula dengan persoalan nota misteri. Hatinya bertasbih memuji
kebesaran Ilahi yang Maha Mengetahui. Minta diberi kekuatan. Apakah situasi yang bakal dihadapinya nanti. Mungkin dia perlu mengalah dan meminta maaf daripada Hijriah. Lagipun, Hijriah mudah dipujuk dan marahnya tidak berlaratan. Hatinya lembut. "...Ya Allah, kekalkan kemesraan antara hati-hati ini akan jalan-Mu yang sebenar…" Doa Robithoh dijadikan penawar resah hatinya. Buku-bukunya yang berselerak mula dikemas.
Keresahan yang bersarang tidak mengizinkannya untuk meneruskan revision. Langkahnya diatur pantas untuk segera tiba di biliknya, berjumpa Hijriah. Di suatu simpang, dia bertembung dengan Intan Izma yang menyapa lembut. Gadis sebelah biliknya itu memang peramah. Suka mengambil berat masalah orang. Sesuailah dengan statusnya memilih course Undang-undang. Semua masalah nak diselidikinya... bakal peguamlah katakan. "Asrar, kenapa tak temankan Hijriah ke stesyen komuter. Katanya tadi nak balik Kajang." Intan Izma bersahaja gayanya. Khazinatul Asrar agak terkejut dengan berita itu. "Hijriah balik? Intan tak tanya berapa hari dia nak balik?" garis-garis keresahan terjalur pada wajah tenang itu. "Marahkah dia?" detik hatinya. "Eh, macam mana teman sebiliknya boleh tanya saya pula, gaduh ya?" duga Intan Izma. Dia memang cekap menduga suasana.
"Gaduh? Tak adalah... tak sefahaman sedikit je. Insya-Allah, tak lama," jujur pengakuan Khazinatul Asrar. Dia tahu kalaupun dia berdalih Intan Izma pasti dapat menghidunya juga.
"Biasalah tu Asrar, asam garam persahabatan. Alah…jangan bimbang, dia balik sekejap jea tu. Kajang bukan jauh sangat. Nak berulang hari-hari pun tak jadi hal punya. Lagipun Hijriah tak ada bawa beg besar. Handbeg jea. Handbegnya tu membuktikan dia bukan bertujuan nak balik lama. Tapi itu bukanlah hujah yang konkrit sebab mungkin dia dah ada simpanan baju kat rumah. So, buat apa nak bawa beg besar-besar, kan?!" Intan Izma rancak berceloteh. Sepatah ditanya, serangkap perenggan dibalasnya. Bagaikan berada di mahkamah pula.
"Tak apalah Intan. Terima kasih kerana beritahu saya hal nie. Hah, Intan nak ke mana pulak ni?" Khazinatul Asrar cuba meringkaskan pertemuan. Dia dah cukup faham kalau dilayannya lawyer sorang ni, 24 jam pun tak cukup.
Saya nak ke kamsis Dato’ Onn. Jumpa Chee Wah. Nak Tanya dia pasal handset dia yang tercicir tu samada dah jumpa atau belum. Dia tu pelupa. Dia cakap tercicir tapi ada kebarangkalian handsetnya tu dicuri berdasarkan fakta yang diberi. Lagipun kes kecurian handset bukanlah benda asing lagi kat sini. Chee Wah ni kena siasat betul- betul sepatutnya. Tak mustahil roommate dia sendiri yang mencuri. Bukan semua roomate boleh dipercayai. Ni saya nak cuba selidik kes dia ni… tak boleh biarkan Chee Wah ni settlekannya sendiri," jelasnya panjang lebar. Selepas itu, mereka membawa haluan masing-masing.
Setibanya di bilik, Khazinatul Asrar mendapati ada sekeping nota berwarna biru lembut di atas katilnya.
##Asrar, saya minta maaf atas apa yang berlaku. Izinkan saya balik ke Kajang untuk menenangkan fikiran. Saya berasa malu atas perlakuan saya tadi. Beberapa hari lagi saya akan kembali. Maafkan saya…##
...BERSAMBUNG...
penat sey..!!penat sangat!
i went out again today..dr pagi smpi petang, sebelum maghrib.
belum pon rase penat dr semalam reda..hari nie nk kena keluar jugak!
Dlm pukul 9.40 pg gitu, me bertolak ke rumah kamaliah, nk ambik balik form relite camp..me submitkn form tu untuk dia..selepas tu, gi ang mo kio plak, jumpe ayah kt luar mrt stn, jln gi blok nenek, jumpe mak n aqila, n then naik teksi pegi madrasah aljunied.
Pasal ape??????
Beli buku aqila lah! Ape lagi!
Kenapelah me kena pegi sane?! Tk suka sey..byk sgt ujian...tp alhamdulillah...everything was fine. The place was quite crowded, tingkat dua ar..
Dlm pukul 12.30 tghari, keluar dr aljunied. Mak, ayah n aqila pegi banquet..me plak pegi kmbgn..naseb baik kt rumah dah makan sikit, tp rase lapar tu ade ah.
Me janji dgn `adilah n juwairiah kt kmbgn ctrl stn pukul 1 ptg..i tot me sampai lambat..rupenye, me jugak yg first..tunggu punye tunggu, `adilah sms jumpe kt masjid kasim je, dier lambat. Juwairiah plak, sampai dlm pukul 1.05-1.10 ptg..ok ar tu..
By that time, I was already tired..
Solat kt masjid, tunggu `adilah..dia sampai, kite discuss nk pegi mane selepas submit form camp tu.. lama jugak sey pikir..bukan ape, at first, nak pegi rumah ust faridah..mcm tk sah gitu klw hari raye tk pegi rumahnye..tp tk jd, sbb ust faridah nk keluar "awak beritahu last minute!" alamak, ustazah...sori sori..
Pegi pergasnye counter, submit 4 forms..dpt discount $10..so satu org $15..alhamdulillah..save jugak duit!
You know, i like being in masjid kasim.. tpt solat nye luas jugak..terang..but quite open ah..tpt ambil wuduk pon ter-exposed klw tirainye tk tutup betul...but I like sitting in the prayer hall anyway..
Kite cume dpt letter memberitahu mase n tempat berkumpul..that is, 11am at Darussalam mosque..siap kasi how-to-go info...good thing I've been to the mosque several times.. mase o level nye period..si juwai tu da "eh! Kite pergi same2 eh..pergi same2 eh..." aiya! Mcmlah ana n adilah nak tglkn dier sorang2..
Lepas tu, kite mkn kt kedai mkn kt depan masjid tu..i ordered nasi paprik...nmpk sedap giler sey..tp biler mkn, fuyo..menangis gue! Betul..air mata keluar meleleh..nasib baik tk bercucuran! *heh* mmg sedap ar..
Lame jugak me mkn..juwai habes dulu..`adilah dier gi kedai buku jap..dah habes mkn kite same2 patah balik pegi kedai buku tu sbb adilah nk beli cd untuk anak sedarenye.. thoughtful, no??
Dah tu, baru kite naik mrt pegi bedok..nak pergi rumah farahin..waduh~ me dah betul2 penat, mcm nk balik je..adilah pon ah penat jugak..
Kt rumah farahin, solat asar..duduk dlm more than 30 minutes ar..relax sikit..dlm pukul 5.10 kite berangkat pulang..
Dlm bus 65, kite listkan barang2 yg perlu dibawa..sbb kite tk diberitahu ape yg perlu dibawa..haiz~ me smsed one of the organizers (or is it organizing committee members??), dia kate ianya akan diberitahu esok..anyway, we thought of as many things as we could..but my mind was already tired..we managed to list quite a lot of things.. one thing that is important to me..TORCHLIGHT..setiap kali ade camp..benda tu lah yg penting. Oh well~
Dlm bus 969 plak..tk byk benda yg dibualkan..me pon dah tk kuase nk berbual sgt..mcm nk tutup mate je..tp kite berdiri..tk pelah..
Sampai rumah sebelum maghrib...badan mmg lah penat..mcm nk tido je..but I ended up surfing the net..chatted (itu past tense nye kan??) with kak nadiah (it's always good to talk to you, really =D) while checking my mails..gi friendster..blog ahlulquran...tk byk perkara ar...
Pukul 12 lebih pg, baru me tido.. before that, a few of my friends sent me their birthday wishes...hmmm..thanks! very thoughtful of you :)
Ok people, itu je me nk cerite buat mase nie..tk byk perkara yg berlaku..so this entry may be mundane..sorry.
** this entry was written on Wednesday, 30th November 2005. saved the first few lines on the previous day (29 November) n published the whole story today (30 November)
belum pon rase penat dr semalam reda..hari nie nk kena keluar jugak!
Dlm pukul 9.40 pg gitu, me bertolak ke rumah kamaliah, nk ambik balik form relite camp..me submitkn form tu untuk dia..selepas tu, gi ang mo kio plak, jumpe ayah kt luar mrt stn, jln gi blok nenek, jumpe mak n aqila, n then naik teksi pegi madrasah aljunied.
Pasal ape??????
Beli buku aqila lah! Ape lagi!
Kenapelah me kena pegi sane?! Tk suka sey..byk sgt ujian...tp alhamdulillah...everything was fine. The place was quite crowded, tingkat dua ar..
Dlm pukul 12.30 tghari, keluar dr aljunied. Mak, ayah n aqila pegi banquet..me plak pegi kmbgn..naseb baik kt rumah dah makan sikit, tp rase lapar tu ade ah.
Me janji dgn `adilah n juwairiah kt kmbgn ctrl stn pukul 1 ptg..i tot me sampai lambat..rupenye, me jugak yg first..tunggu punye tunggu, `adilah sms jumpe kt masjid kasim je, dier lambat. Juwairiah plak, sampai dlm pukul 1.05-1.10 ptg..ok ar tu..
By that time, I was already tired..
Solat kt masjid, tunggu `adilah..dia sampai, kite discuss nk pegi mane selepas submit form camp tu.. lama jugak sey pikir..bukan ape, at first, nak pegi rumah ust faridah..mcm tk sah gitu klw hari raye tk pegi rumahnye..tp tk jd, sbb ust faridah nk keluar "awak beritahu last minute!" alamak, ustazah...sori sori..
Pegi pergasnye counter, submit 4 forms..dpt discount $10..so satu org $15..alhamdulillah..save jugak duit!
You know, i like being in masjid kasim.. tpt solat nye luas jugak..terang..but quite open ah..tpt ambil wuduk pon ter-exposed klw tirainye tk tutup betul...but I like sitting in the prayer hall anyway..
Kite cume dpt letter memberitahu mase n tempat berkumpul..that is, 11am at Darussalam mosque..siap kasi how-to-go info...good thing I've been to the mosque several times.. mase o level nye period..si juwai tu da "eh! Kite pergi same2 eh..pergi same2 eh..." aiya! Mcmlah ana n adilah nak tglkn dier sorang2..
Lepas tu, kite mkn kt kedai mkn kt depan masjid tu..i ordered nasi paprik...nmpk sedap giler sey..tp biler mkn, fuyo..menangis gue! Betul..air mata keluar meleleh..nasib baik tk bercucuran! *heh* mmg sedap ar..
Lame jugak me mkn..juwai habes dulu..`adilah dier gi kedai buku jap..dah habes mkn kite same2 patah balik pegi kedai buku tu sbb adilah nk beli cd untuk anak sedarenye.. thoughtful, no??
Dah tu, baru kite naik mrt pegi bedok..nak pergi rumah farahin..waduh~ me dah betul2 penat, mcm nk balik je..adilah pon ah penat jugak..
Kt rumah farahin, solat asar..duduk dlm more than 30 minutes ar..relax sikit..dlm pukul 5.10 kite berangkat pulang..
Dlm bus 65, kite listkan barang2 yg perlu dibawa..sbb kite tk diberitahu ape yg perlu dibawa..haiz~ me smsed one of the organizers (or is it organizing committee members??), dia kate ianya akan diberitahu esok..anyway, we thought of as many things as we could..but my mind was already tired..we managed to list quite a lot of things.. one thing that is important to me..TORCHLIGHT..setiap kali ade camp..benda tu lah yg penting. Oh well~
Dlm bus 969 plak..tk byk benda yg dibualkan..me pon dah tk kuase nk berbual sgt..mcm nk tutup mate je..tp kite berdiri..tk pelah..
Sampai rumah sebelum maghrib...badan mmg lah penat..mcm nk tido je..but I ended up surfing the net..chatted (itu past tense nye kan??) with kak nadiah (it's always good to talk to you, really =D) while checking my mails..gi friendster..blog ahlulquran...tk byk perkara ar...
Pukul 12 lebih pg, baru me tido.. before that, a few of my friends sent me their birthday wishes...hmmm..thanks! very thoughtful of you :)
Ok people, itu je me nk cerite buat mase nie..tk byk perkara yg berlaku..so this entry may be mundane..sorry.
** this entry was written on Wednesday, 30th November 2005. saved the first few lines on the previous day (29 November) n published the whole story today (30 November)
AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!!!!!
for your info, that's the Killing Curse which killed cedric, sirius and the latest victim, albus...the great wizard whom i've grown fond of.. sob~sob~
i have to admit..i was quite depressed when i finished reading the sixth harry potter book..*yeah, i am/was happy that i finally got hold of the book...after waiting WEEKS to read it..bcoz of o level* i actually slept with a distressed heart..you know, feeling that something is/was amiss..n that hollow n sinking feeling.. god! i just hate it when i feel that way! coz it makes me uncomfortable..not relaxed..fidgety..what else?!
**i finished the book in one day..12-13 hours, glued on (or is it 'to'??) my bed..not eating until 9/10 something pm..oh well~*
that was yesterday..n today, you know what i did????????
i watched HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE..or as kak ummu put it "..and the GOBLOK of fire" *chuckles*
it was FANTASTIC...MUCH MUCH BETTER than the third instalment.seriously! the director has definitely done a great job! bravo! there are/were lots of scene that i like. n the obvious part which i dread(ed) most is...when cedric died. it was a quick one though..not much action or struggle there..just "who are you..( n something n something)..?" "kill the (umm..i didnt catch the words)..!" "avada kedavra" green light..n cedric was dead.
ehem..honestly, the actor who play(s/ed) cedric is good looking..there's no denying that..i, myself, am awed (or is it just 'awed'??) to look at to look at his face (which looks like it's been carved excellently or something) n his eyes..n rosy cheeks (huh? are his cheeks really rosy, or is it just make-up??)..i said this to my friends who watched the movie with me..but i think i looked a bit too dreamy..so they started to say "liyana..~~!" with the sort of expression that you see when someone doesnt believe his decent friend has done something bizarre,ridiculous or so-not-like-him/her..you get what i mean??
yeah, well, it's not really like me (not "really not like me" ya!) to actually confess that a boy/guy/man is good-looking..so, i really mean what i say when i say it.
hmm..im worn out right now, so i wont comment any further about the fabulous movie..just.."IT'S SOOOO DAMN GOOD THAT I WANT TO WATCH IT AGAIN N AGAIN N AGAIN....N IM VERY SAD COZ CEDRIC DIED..AS IF THE ACTOR HIMSELF DIED..SOB~SOB~ SO YOUNG..SO TALENTED..SO GOOD-LOOKING" i ACTUALLY wish that time could be turned back..n cedric would not have died..his death could have been prevented, somehow..silly isnt it?? i feel so much for what happened in the book/movie that i kind of treat it as if it's real...you understand what im saying??!
on to the next subject..as you may see, i've changed my template. it's supposed to mark my comeback, but unfortunately, im soo not thrilled about this layout..i prefer the previous one, much more space in the 'entries' part..but i wont change to that one again for now..am trying to find another layout that i may just like..
o level has passed,n so, i can now go 'jln raya-ing' (visiting families/friends/relatives)..tomorrow's supposed to be 'jalan raye kelas' but i canceled it, coz less than 6 persons can make it..n imaginably not many houses to visit..coz most of my classmates are 'jln raya-ing' in their own groups..im not really disappointed..but the fact that this year i wont be visiting my schoolmates' houses does not make me feel good or happy..not that im sad or anything..n the fact that the sec4s go in groups which might make other people left out. not me though..i find it acceptable. well~ mcm tk best gitu tk dpt jalan raye satu kelas..or at least, most people in the class. hmmmmm....
another thing: i dont really feel excited or breathe a sigh of relief, now that im a free man..no more studying for me for the time being..n no more going to school...however, these things mean that i have to do more housework..it's become a chore, something that my parents expect me to do..want me to do...order me to do.. i know, i know, it's a good thing for a girl like me..my parents have 'explained' it to me..so hold your comments.
i really want to make the best of this holiday. (is the sentence structure correct?) im dreaming of taking up silat class, or taekwando, n calligraphy class, and a foreign language class (french perhaps?)...plus, fill the holiday with lots n lots of activities..like camps, workshops etc..ummm..how about work??? nah..i dont feel like it right now..im still a child..*smirks*
i wish to write more...to fill you in about what's happening, what im thinking and all..but i need to stop. let me tell you this: i had to restart my computer twice (or thrice..cant remember) n save my text a couple of times, just to ensure that this nice long story wont disappear forever.i nearly lost my patience though..with the tiredness n moodlessness..i might have just stopped midway if the computer got stuck again!
ok people..see you later.
p/s: im thinking of writing an entry about my o level examinations...what subjects i took..how were the papers..how was my performance..my prediction et cetera et cetera..we'll see =)
p/p/s: the Unforgivable Curses are really...cruel! very dangerous! very bad!
p/p/p/s: NLB's doubled the loan limit!! im very happy! yey~
*as i finished this entry, the time on my hp showed 0016 hours...so i watched the movie yesterday, 17/11/05..n read the 6th HP book on 16/11/05 (most of the time of that day).
i have to admit..i was quite depressed when i finished reading the sixth harry potter book..*yeah, i am/was happy that i finally got hold of the book...after waiting WEEKS to read it..bcoz of o level* i actually slept with a distressed heart..you know, feeling that something is/was amiss..n that hollow n sinking feeling.. god! i just hate it when i feel that way! coz it makes me uncomfortable..not relaxed..fidgety..what else?!
**i finished the book in one day..12-13 hours, glued on (or is it 'to'??) my bed..not eating until 9/10 something pm..oh well~*
that was yesterday..n today, you know what i did????????
i watched HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE..or as kak ummu put it "..and the GOBLOK of fire" *chuckles*
it was FANTASTIC...MUCH MUCH BETTER than the third instalment.seriously! the director has definitely done a great job! bravo! there are/were lots of scene that i like. n the obvious part which i dread(ed) most is...when cedric died. it was a quick one though..not much action or struggle there..just "who are you..( n something n something)..?" "kill the (umm..i didnt catch the words)..!" "avada kedavra" green light..n cedric was dead.
ehem..honestly, the actor who play(s/ed) cedric is good looking..there's no denying that..i, myself, am awed (or is it just 'awed'??) to look at to look at his face (which looks like it's been carved excellently or something) n his eyes..n rosy cheeks (huh? are his cheeks really rosy, or is it just make-up??)..i said this to my friends who watched the movie with me..but i think i looked a bit too dreamy..so they started to say "liyana..~~!" with the sort of expression that you see when someone doesnt believe his decent friend has done something bizarre,ridiculous or so-not-like-him/her..you get what i mean??
yeah, well, it's not really like me (not "really not like me" ya!) to actually confess that a boy/guy/man is good-looking..so, i really mean what i say when i say it.
hmm..im worn out right now, so i wont comment any further about the fabulous movie..just.."IT'S SOOOO DAMN GOOD THAT I WANT TO WATCH IT AGAIN N AGAIN N AGAIN....N IM VERY SAD COZ CEDRIC DIED..AS IF THE ACTOR HIMSELF DIED..SOB~SOB~ SO YOUNG..SO TALENTED..SO GOOD-LOOKING" i ACTUALLY wish that time could be turned back..n cedric would not have died..his death could have been prevented, somehow..silly isnt it?? i feel so much for what happened in the book/movie that i kind of treat it as if it's real...you understand what im saying??!
on to the next subject..as you may see, i've changed my template. it's supposed to mark my comeback, but unfortunately, im soo not thrilled about this layout..i prefer the previous one, much more space in the 'entries' part..but i wont change to that one again for now..am trying to find another layout that i may just like..
o level has passed,n so, i can now go 'jln raya-ing' (visiting families/friends/relatives)..tomorrow's supposed to be 'jalan raye kelas' but i canceled it, coz less than 6 persons can make it..n imaginably not many houses to visit..coz most of my classmates are 'jln raya-ing' in their own groups..im not really disappointed..but the fact that this year i wont be visiting my schoolmates' houses does not make me feel good or happy..not that im sad or anything..n the fact that the sec4s go in groups which might make other people left out. not me though..i find it acceptable. well~ mcm tk best gitu tk dpt jalan raye satu kelas..or at least, most people in the class. hmmmmm....
another thing: i dont really feel excited or breathe a sigh of relief, now that im a free man..no more studying for me for the time being..n no more going to school...however, these things mean that i have to do more housework..it's become a chore, something that my parents expect me to do..want me to do...order me to do.. i know, i know, it's a good thing for a girl like me..my parents have 'explained' it to me..so hold your comments.
i really want to make the best of this holiday. (is the sentence structure correct?) im dreaming of taking up silat class, or taekwando, n calligraphy class, and a foreign language class (french perhaps?)...plus, fill the holiday with lots n lots of activities..like camps, workshops etc..ummm..how about work??? nah..i dont feel like it right now..im still a child..*smirks*
i wish to write more...to fill you in about what's happening, what im thinking and all..but i need to stop. let me tell you this: i had to restart my computer twice (or thrice..cant remember) n save my text a couple of times, just to ensure that this nice long story wont disappear forever.i nearly lost my patience though..with the tiredness n moodlessness..i might have just stopped midway if the computer got stuck again!
ok people..see you later.
p/s: im thinking of writing an entry about my o level examinations...what subjects i took..how were the papers..how was my performance..my prediction et cetera et cetera..we'll see =)
p/p/s: the Unforgivable Curses are really...cruel! very dangerous! very bad!
p/p/p/s: NLB's doubled the loan limit!! im very happy! yey~
*as i finished this entry, the time on my hp showed 0016 hours...so i watched the movie yesterday, 17/11/05..n read the 6th HP book on 16/11/05 (most of the time of that day).
last day of school
turns out that there are pictures of the sec4's crying..but not hugging..oh well, nvm.. anyway, enjoy the pictures!
most of the sec4's were present in school =)
me
the sec4's with sir ali, our maths teacher.
me
budak2 tuition dgn sir ali
me
with the sec1 students..
me
with sec2B students
me
with sec3A students
me
with sec3B students
me
dah nk nangis ke??? oo..terharu..
me
sob..sob..isk~isk~
me
hugs n smiles!
me
MORE PICTURES!
most of the sec4's were present in school =)
me
the sec4's with sir ali, our maths teacher.
me
budak2 tuition dgn sir ali
me
with the sec1 students..
me
with sec2B students
me
with sec3A students
me
with sec3B students
me
dah nk nangis ke??? oo..terharu..
me
sob..sob..isk~isk~
me
hugs n smiles!
me
MORE PICTURES!
gonna stop for a while.
ANNOUNCEMENT: IM GOING TO STOP BLOGGING FOR A WHILE. UNTIL MY O LEVEL EXAMS ARE OVER. SO, DONT EXPECT TO FIND ANY NEWS FROM ME. THIS IS GOING TO BE MY LAST ENTRY BEFORE IM OFFICIALLY INACTIVE.
this is going to be a simple entry:
- my final-year examination's percentage: 89.4%
- last day of school, friday 141005, wasnt a total bore. it was emotional at the end of the day. pity that no one took pictures of us crying n hugging each other.
- o level biology practical exam was a disaster..hmm..i couldnt find a better word or worse. my hands were practically shaking the whole time. my table was a mess. helter-skelter. i was in haste, though i tried to keep calm. n i left a 5-marks-worth question unanswered. out of 40, there is a high chance that i'll get 15-28. *sad..so sad* eh! an aljunied student was there too. i recognised him from last year's quiz at aljunied..budak pandai ar~
- n just now, arabic paper 1..oh! i chose the television topic. yikes! i dont know a LOT of vocab associated with television! jd hentam je ah..! uslub?? forget it! another one is letter writing, nothing much in the content part..i dunno..out of 45 i may get 25-35..but i wont know it, would i?? coz the result slip will not show the marks! duh.. i believe the hall was filled with 100% madrasah students..n alumni..seeing them especially the smart ones..from aljunied, wak tanjong etc.. whoa~ sungguh membuatku sedar bahawa aku nie tk lah sepandai mana..plus, aku memang sedar yg aku nye bahasa arab sungguh tk bagus..sungguh peringkat primary..sungguh..sungguh..ntah! ape lagi??..bukanlah maksudnye aku rasa tercabar.. tp baguslah..jd aku tk rasa over-confident ataupun confident. yg aku boleh ngaku aku pandai ialah nahu..i'rab pon boleh tahan ar~ saraf..err..lower sikit drpd nahu..insha' n compre?? alahai~ nie yg aku lemah semangat..part nie lah yg aku sungguh tk expert..waaaahh~~ lagi satu, ujian jugak..puasa2 nie..kena jaga mata..n then, kt sana sini ade tolib..ish~ rasa berdosa betol! susah kan, nk jaga pertuturan, tingkah laku biler rajul ade?!
- arabic paper 2 261005, bml paper 1 n 2 311005. biler pikir pasal MATH n SASTERA..ooooo seramnye! naik panik sey..betol! lagi less than 2 weeks nie!! AAAAAAAAAAAA....!
ok, gtg! oh..gmbr last day of school later me letak kt sini.
Assalamu alaikum semua!
this is going to be a simple entry:
- my final-year examination's percentage: 89.4%
- last day of school, friday 141005, wasnt a total bore. it was emotional at the end of the day. pity that no one took pictures of us crying n hugging each other.
- o level biology practical exam was a disaster..hmm..i couldnt find a better word or worse. my hands were practically shaking the whole time. my table was a mess. helter-skelter. i was in haste, though i tried to keep calm. n i left a 5-marks-worth question unanswered. out of 40, there is a high chance that i'll get 15-28. *sad..so sad* eh! an aljunied student was there too. i recognised him from last year's quiz at aljunied..budak pandai ar~
- n just now, arabic paper 1..oh! i chose the television topic. yikes! i dont know a LOT of vocab associated with television! jd hentam je ah..! uslub?? forget it! another one is letter writing, nothing much in the content part..i dunno..out of 45 i may get 25-35..but i wont know it, would i?? coz the result slip will not show the marks! duh.. i believe the hall was filled with 100% madrasah students..n alumni..seeing them especially the smart ones..from aljunied, wak tanjong etc.. whoa~ sungguh membuatku sedar bahawa aku nie tk lah sepandai mana..plus, aku memang sedar yg aku nye bahasa arab sungguh tk bagus..sungguh peringkat primary..sungguh..sungguh..ntah! ape lagi??..bukanlah maksudnye aku rasa tercabar.. tp baguslah..jd aku tk rasa over-confident ataupun confident. yg aku boleh ngaku aku pandai ialah nahu..i'rab pon boleh tahan ar~ saraf..err..lower sikit drpd nahu..insha' n compre?? alahai~ nie yg aku lemah semangat..part nie lah yg aku sungguh tk expert..waaaahh~~ lagi satu, ujian jugak..puasa2 nie..kena jaga mata..n then, kt sana sini ade tolib..ish~ rasa berdosa betol! susah kan, nk jaga pertuturan, tingkah laku biler rajul ade?!
- arabic paper 2 261005, bml paper 1 n 2 311005. biler pikir pasal MATH n SASTERA..ooooo seramnye! naik panik sey..betol! lagi less than 2 weeks nie!! AAAAAAAAAAAA....!
ok, gtg! oh..gmbr last day of school later me letak kt sini.
Assalamu alaikum semua!
HOW BORING CAN SCHOOL BE???!!
yeah, im dead bored right now..good thing im not even close to dead..still alive n cheery! hehe..
sejak duduk dlm class td pukul 7 lebih, me terus bukak buku bio...mengadap buku tu je ah sampai pukul 12 lebih..of course, in between me dozed off..2 kali! satu beberape minit je..lagi satu, 1 jam! waaahhh~~
me slow ah blaja! tk ter-memorize fakta2 yg ade! semalam..me terpikir, kenape lah me ambik bio in the first place?? betul ke me boleh buat??? betul?? boleh?? melihatkn kpd keadaan skrg nie, mcm tk boleh je! astaghfirullah~
ok ok..buat mase nie, tu je me nk cakap..sekadar nk melepaskan boredom!..anyway, about the new blog..im working on it right now. havent edited the template much. even the tagboard's empty. but, i'll just tell you the temporary url: www.share-the-info.blogspot.com visit it if you want!
sejak duduk dlm class td pukul 7 lebih, me terus bukak buku bio...mengadap buku tu je ah sampai pukul 12 lebih..of course, in between me dozed off..2 kali! satu beberape minit je..lagi satu, 1 jam! waaahhh~~
me slow ah blaja! tk ter-memorize fakta2 yg ade! semalam..me terpikir, kenape lah me ambik bio in the first place?? betul ke me boleh buat??? betul?? boleh?? melihatkn kpd keadaan skrg nie, mcm tk boleh je! astaghfirullah~
ok ok..buat mase nie, tu je me nk cakap..sekadar nk melepaskan boredom!..anyway, about the new blog..im working on it right now. havent edited the template much. even the tagboard's empty. but, i'll just tell you the temporary url: www.share-the-info.blogspot.com visit it if you want!
all tensed up -_-'
ok. i got a C. capital CEMERLANG. that's it. that's all i can say. im being careful now, so as to not start blurting out words that might shatter the defence im building against myself.
anyway, i started to tense up when ust damawiyah began talking about the results. i started to think of my own result, my classmates'..n the thoughts flew to other places too..like, the fact that im leaving the school (again..again..n again!) suddenly i wasnt looking forward to watch the syarahan vcd. suddenly i was quiet when my classmates were laughing their heads off right behind me. suddenly im moodless.
right after watching the vcd, we received the result slips..ust damawiyah made it a bit 'special' coz she put them in envelopes..that's nice of her. even before she went out of the class, some of us had opened it. i immediately heard a shriek from the back row. it was kak hairani..her face was flushed. but i was looking at fatin who was behind her. n asikin. i went to asikin. she failed. so was fatin. (notice that im using past tense?) kak hairani passed! alhamdulillah~ she actually cried.. oh~ kak hairani, im very happy for you.
the scene changed. some were fidgety.some lowered their heads. some are just plain relaxed. some formed groups. n i was all tensed up. i kept turning my head around. to see the people around me. i hadnt opened my envelope. coz i know i would be very disappointed. yet, i know, my troubled heart was caused by something else..not just that. i felt that something was wrong.i couldnt concentrate on my readings.i stood up, walked about. felt like getting out of the class. fast. before i broke down or something. i stood at the back..i just stared..maisarah came up to me. she said, "dont cry." she shook my body hard. i didnt cry, though my eyes were starting to swell up with tears.
ya Allah! what's wrong with me?? why am i this way??? actually, how should i be feeling??
i went to the toilet. washed my face..hoping that the water would ease the uneasiness..then, i called home, asking my parents' permission to open the envelope. green light. i walked back to class. i sat down. took the envelope out of my bag. opened the seal. as i was doing so, i wished that someone might've opened it for me. (god! i havent felt like this before! why have i?? why??)..then i saw the words. CEMERLANG. a BIG PANG of disappointment.oh! i could feel it now. blood came rushing. from where, to where..i dunno..i quickly put away the paper. suddenly, i felt that this was too much (to think of it..what was too much?! you exaggerated too much liyana! you're better off than the others! so shut up! what's the fuss?!) i took deep breathes. tears started to roll..silent tears. i continued reading the storybook that was in front of me. i wiped the tears away. it stopped flowing. well~ it wasnt flowing, it was trickling down my cheeks, to be exact.
i just read the words from the book until the bell rang. then, there were only a few of us in the class..sat in a group..i wasnt there long..i went to get kamaliah's camera from ust Zauwiah..few minutes after that..we went to the hall where other students had just finished zohor prayers.
i took the mike. told everyone to sit n calm down. then started my so-called speech. it was me, again. how come i always have to make the speech?! ish~ balik2 muke liyana! bukannye berkesan sgt me ckp! tk pandai menyusun kate2..nanti end up me lecture org plak! anyway..i dont want to recall what i said..but my speech was a bit intermittent. paham2 je ah~ i was getting emotional..ish~ nk maintain pon susah! apart from myself, kamaliah n maisarah did put up a few words..with humor in it..unlike me. *psst..sape2 baik boleh brtahu kt tagboard ape yg ana, kamaliah n maisarah ckp..bleh tk? nanti ana tmbh kt sini.* ended the speech with bacaan fatihah untuk kejayaan sec4s in the O's n kejayaan pelajar2 yg lain in SA2..hmmm~
after that. PHOTOTAKING SESSION!! yeah~ the mood changed. from sad to happy. from solemn to..umm..happy again?..we started with budak2 1989..cewah~ mcm2 pose kite buat..i was happy that budak2 1989 dpt kumpul same2 balik..yelah..kn ade yg kt sec 3,2,1..jd, first time ah kite dpt bergambar same2..hmmm..ramai jugak budak 1989 yg maseh wujud di alsagoff.. :) ..unfortunately, we werent able to take SEC4 photos..coz ust suhana had ordered all of us to return to class..in class..rupe2nye, ade yg tgh posing nk ambik gmbr dgn ust suhana n ust juliah! ape lagi..me join sekali ah~ fuyo! kecoh kelas! naseb baik tk kene warning drpd you-know-who..hehe..
the only thing that we studied today was sastera. you know, when i watched aszafirah, kak hairani, liyana, khairunnisa, isyanti n izyani..suddenly, i kind of saw them in a different light. i dunno. what is different..n how different..i dunno myself. *wondering..*
10 minutes before the last bell..we started to pack our things away..but not without more phototaking! hehe.. i managed to take the pictures from a few angles..i hope the others will be satisfied. sadly though..there are people who were left out. im sorry guys. only one camera was allowed. (minus fashihah's..i was worried when i found out she brought her camera! takut kena confiscate, n me disoal..err) so, not many people got the chance to play around with the camera n shoot their own fancy photos..sorry again!
before i left the school, i took another picture with kamaliah n a few sec 3 students. after that..i stepped out of the school gate.
that was how my life at school today. out of 10, how much would you give? ;p
anyway, i started to tense up when ust damawiyah began talking about the results. i started to think of my own result, my classmates'..n the thoughts flew to other places too..like, the fact that im leaving the school (again..again..n again!) suddenly i wasnt looking forward to watch the syarahan vcd. suddenly i was quiet when my classmates were laughing their heads off right behind me. suddenly im moodless.
right after watching the vcd, we received the result slips..ust damawiyah made it a bit 'special' coz she put them in envelopes..that's nice of her. even before she went out of the class, some of us had opened it. i immediately heard a shriek from the back row. it was kak hairani..her face was flushed. but i was looking at fatin who was behind her. n asikin. i went to asikin. she failed. so was fatin. (notice that im using past tense?) kak hairani passed! alhamdulillah~ she actually cried.. oh~ kak hairani, im very happy for you.
the scene changed. some were fidgety.some lowered their heads. some are just plain relaxed. some formed groups. n i was all tensed up. i kept turning my head around. to see the people around me. i hadnt opened my envelope. coz i know i would be very disappointed. yet, i know, my troubled heart was caused by something else..not just that. i felt that something was wrong.i couldnt concentrate on my readings.i stood up, walked about. felt like getting out of the class. fast. before i broke down or something. i stood at the back..i just stared..maisarah came up to me. she said, "dont cry." she shook my body hard. i didnt cry, though my eyes were starting to swell up with tears.
ya Allah! what's wrong with me?? why am i this way??? actually, how should i be feeling??
i went to the toilet. washed my face..hoping that the water would ease the uneasiness..then, i called home, asking my parents' permission to open the envelope. green light. i walked back to class. i sat down. took the envelope out of my bag. opened the seal. as i was doing so, i wished that someone might've opened it for me. (god! i havent felt like this before! why have i?? why??)..then i saw the words. CEMERLANG. a BIG PANG of disappointment.oh! i could feel it now. blood came rushing. from where, to where..i dunno..i quickly put away the paper. suddenly, i felt that this was too much (to think of it..what was too much?! you exaggerated too much liyana! you're better off than the others! so shut up! what's the fuss?!) i took deep breathes. tears started to roll..silent tears. i continued reading the storybook that was in front of me. i wiped the tears away. it stopped flowing. well~ it wasnt flowing, it was trickling down my cheeks, to be exact.
i just read the words from the book until the bell rang. then, there were only a few of us in the class..sat in a group..i wasnt there long..i went to get kamaliah's camera from ust Zauwiah..few minutes after that..we went to the hall where other students had just finished zohor prayers.
i took the mike. told everyone to sit n calm down. then started my so-called speech. it was me, again. how come i always have to make the speech?! ish~ balik2 muke liyana! bukannye berkesan sgt me ckp! tk pandai menyusun kate2..nanti end up me lecture org plak! anyway..i dont want to recall what i said..but my speech was a bit intermittent. paham2 je ah~ i was getting emotional..ish~ nk maintain pon susah! apart from myself, kamaliah n maisarah did put up a few words..with humor in it..unlike me. *psst..sape2 baik boleh brtahu kt tagboard ape yg ana, kamaliah n maisarah ckp..bleh tk? nanti ana tmbh kt sini.* ended the speech with bacaan fatihah untuk kejayaan sec4s in the O's n kejayaan pelajar2 yg lain in SA2..hmmm~
after that. PHOTOTAKING SESSION!! yeah~ the mood changed. from sad to happy. from solemn to..umm..happy again?..we started with budak2 1989..cewah~ mcm2 pose kite buat..i was happy that budak2 1989 dpt kumpul same2 balik..yelah..kn ade yg kt sec 3,2,1..jd, first time ah kite dpt bergambar same2..hmmm..ramai jugak budak 1989 yg maseh wujud di alsagoff.. :) ..unfortunately, we werent able to take SEC4 photos..coz ust suhana had ordered all of us to return to class..in class..rupe2nye, ade yg tgh posing nk ambik gmbr dgn ust suhana n ust juliah! ape lagi..me join sekali ah~ fuyo! kecoh kelas! naseb baik tk kene warning drpd you-know-who..hehe..
the only thing that we studied today was sastera. you know, when i watched aszafirah, kak hairani, liyana, khairunnisa, isyanti n izyani..suddenly, i kind of saw them in a different light. i dunno. what is different..n how different..i dunno myself. *wondering..*
10 minutes before the last bell..we started to pack our things away..but not without more phototaking! hehe.. i managed to take the pictures from a few angles..i hope the others will be satisfied. sadly though..there are people who were left out. im sorry guys. only one camera was allowed. (minus fashihah's..i was worried when i found out she brought her camera! takut kena confiscate, n me disoal..err) so, not many people got the chance to play around with the camera n shoot their own fancy photos..sorry again!
before i left the school, i took another picture with kamaliah n a few sec 3 students. after that..i stepped out of the school gate.
that was how my life at school today. out of 10, how much would you give? ;p
just words... ;"<
i scribbled these words on my lecture pad in the mrt on my way back from school today. it isnt neat. it's all over the paper. i wont show it here though. the scanner's been a trouble these days. so, i'll start from the top.
akhirnya, mereka kecundang,
tersungkur.
im speechless.
they failed.
how is it like?
when you know you've come to an end.
it's no ordinary end.
it's a bad end.
how is it like?
when you're sure of something
something that saddens you very much
it will definitely happen
fixed.
yet, you are still hoping for a miracle
even a teeny weeny bit
that it'll turn out much better
but when you've come to that point
that something is really something
and it finally dawned to you
that you cannot change it
though you refuse to open your eyes
to accept it
but you must
and that sinking feeling is deepening
until you feel like giving everything up
agony and pain..acceptance..it's hard
fault.
should i feel sorry?
i want to feel sorry, but
the other part of me says no.
so i just stood there,
looking and feeling guilty
guilty that i never felt sympathy.
im sorry i've acted this way to all of you.
i guess my speech wasnt good
not effective enough.
i could've chosen the right words
so my intentions and message
were well delivered
it is this time
that i felt the love,
the kinship, the friendship
funny how it is borne
when things nearly come to an end.
funny how the affection develops
when we're going away
funny how the hugs are easily given
when we're parting away
funny how she becomes all gentle and soft
when it's nearly over.
i bade you farewell...goodbye
im leaving soon.
thank you, friends. thank you very much.
*i havent changed the words a bit. though i've got some new ideas n noticed some grammatical errors..*
*the colours indicate different..umm..poems?*
*guess who is 'she'?? =p*
*i guess these words are enough to describe my feelings today*
akhirnya, mereka kecundang,
tersungkur.
im speechless.
they failed.
how is it like?
when you know you've come to an end.
it's no ordinary end.
it's a bad end.
how is it like?
when you're sure of something
something that saddens you very much
it will definitely happen
fixed.
yet, you are still hoping for a miracle
even a teeny weeny bit
that it'll turn out much better
but when you've come to that point
that something is really something
and it finally dawned to you
that you cannot change it
though you refuse to open your eyes
to accept it
but you must
and that sinking feeling is deepening
until you feel like giving everything up
agony and pain..acceptance..it's hard
fault.
should i feel sorry?
i want to feel sorry, but
the other part of me says no.
so i just stood there,
looking and feeling guilty
guilty that i never felt sympathy.
im sorry i've acted this way to all of you.
i guess my speech wasnt good
not effective enough.
i could've chosen the right words
so my intentions and message
were well delivered
it is this time
that i felt the love,
the kinship, the friendship
funny how it is borne
when things nearly come to an end.
funny how the affection develops
when we're going away
funny how the hugs are easily given
when we're parting away
funny how she becomes all gentle and soft
when it's nearly over.
i bade you farewell...goodbye
im leaving soon.
thank you, friends. thank you very much.
*i havent changed the words a bit. though i've got some new ideas n noticed some grammatical errors..*
*the colours indicate different..umm..poems?*
*guess who is 'she'?? =p*
*i guess these words are enough to describe my feelings today*
how about another blog?
well, im thinking of starting a new blog, where i can share whatever info that i find interesting, important, noteworthy or just plain plain (get it?)
the info can be forwarded emails, stories, articles, pictures, excerpts..etc etc.. what do you think? hmm..both languages i suppose, english n malay..so, the scope would be much larger n wide..another thing, i dont think i want to concentrate on one theme only, eg islamic..but other themes as well..so, the content wont be boring. *thinking thinking*
yeah, i think i'll start on the project immediately..what i need are sources, publicity, a bit of html skills..n support from the readers..i dont expect much though..i dont mind if no one reads this new blog. think positive. the internet world is huge! interconnected..even the blogosphere is an endless network, so there are bound to be people who might stumble on my new blog.
oh! another thing: motivation is important..i worry that i might stop the blog half-way. n that's gonna be disappointing, on my part. i hope i wont be lazy enough to do that.
so people, you dont have to wait or look forward to see this little 'project' of mine come to life. if i ever do it, i'll inform you, ok?
hmmm...the first thing i have to do is find a suitable template.
the info can be forwarded emails, stories, articles, pictures, excerpts..etc etc.. what do you think? hmm..both languages i suppose, english n malay..so, the scope would be much larger n wide..another thing, i dont think i want to concentrate on one theme only, eg islamic..but other themes as well..so, the content wont be boring. *thinking thinking*
yeah, i think i'll start on the project immediately..what i need are sources, publicity, a bit of html skills..n support from the readers..i dont expect much though..i dont mind if no one reads this new blog. think positive. the internet world is huge! interconnected..even the blogosphere is an endless network, so there are bound to be people who might stumble on my new blog.
oh! another thing: motivation is important..i worry that i might stop the blog half-way. n that's gonna be disappointing, on my part. i hope i wont be lazy enough to do that.
so people, you dont have to wait or look forward to see this little 'project' of mine come to life. if i ever do it, i'll inform you, ok?
hmmm...the first thing i have to do is find a suitable template.
1st tarawih of the month *yey*
morning update: (ehem~ehem~ formal tone please)
semalam me pegi mjd ghufran untuk iftar, tarawih n qiyam...pukul 8:06 pg tadi baru sampai rumah..biler tgh isi barang kt dlm bag tu, konon semangat ar bwk math w/s, rampaisari prosa warisan (plus ulasannye) n buku irk men 4..ingat nk belajar ah.. tp, nmpknye tk kesampaian semue tu *paham2 je lah kenape~ typical me.*
alhamdulillah, hati terasa gembira sebab dpt tunaikan solat tarawih kt masjid.. sejak 1 ramadhan, me tk berkesempatan..kt rumah plak byk distraction + malas..setakat tadarrus quran je ah..nk habeskan amanah 'seribu amal' yg tahun lepas tu..me tau, dah setahun baru terkial2 nk habeskan..padahal mase untuk khatam 3 bulan je! ish~ish~ hmm..sekarang nie lagi 2 juz nk khatam, insha Allah~
biler sampai, kak mariam, nadiah, afeyah n shahirah dah sampai..ah! one more thing: seronok jugak biler ade kwn2 kt masjid..tklah boring..at least dapat berborak (tk lebih2 ah)..share ilmu dan sebagainye...after that kak halimah, khairunnisa, fathimah n her sis sampai..sape lagi eh? rasenye tu je ah buat mase tu..
iftarnye, masya Allah~ byknye makanan..nasi lemak n mee..me share dgn 3 lagi org.. you know, what frustrates me is that some people just let the other people finish the food. mcm irresponsible gitu..yelah, me paham, ade yg dah kenyang..tp..ntah eh.. mcm membazir plak makanan tu..ade pulak yg tolak2 nasi kt kite..tk ke sakit hati??? niwei, me cube sedaya upaya to eat my share..n i think i did ok..at last, makanan tu tk habes jugak..bungkus ar..*dlm hati sedih jugak klw tkde org nk makan*..tp naseb baik ade satu nenek nie ambik makanan tu~ --semoga Allah memberkatimu-- :)
alahai~ perut dah senak..tp alhamdulillah, semasa solat tk de any 'complication' ar (ehem~ehem~)..semase tunggu isya', me sempat hafal beberape ayat from surah **.. actually, me plan untuk hafal dlm 3/4 surah minggu nie, tp tk kot..adelah halangan2 yg tertentu..mungkin me murajaah juz 8 untuk exam thfz nanti..
sayangnye, solat terawih cume 8 rakaat je..sebab selepas solat ade syarahan..me tk dgr sgt ar isi syarahan tu..masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri~ hmmm..mase solat tu, ade jugak bisikan jahat yg asyik nk divert my thoughts pikir perkara2 lain! astaghfirullah~ salah sendiri ah...tp, imamnye pon masalah jugak..dgr2 imam dr Mekah..but i bet they just study there..cara mereka baca pon bukan ape yg me expect from org yg menghafal alquran dan belajar di Mekah~ *sigh* lagi satu, kekadang hati kate..waah~ bagus jugak 8 rakaat..tk payah lame2..ish! jahat betul kan? me cube ah untuk ikhlaskan hati dlm ibadah tarawih nie..*weak smile* rabbana taqabbal minna~
ckp pasal imam, biler ramadhan nie, byk jugak masjid yg 'import' imam eh? yg menjadi perhatian ialah individu2 yg belajar kt timur tengah..plus, hafiz. dah jd trend dah..ye memang, ianya tidak salah..tp..ntahlah, tk tau nk ckp ape, bukan me tk setuju pon..cume me nk point out je. rasanye, biler singapura nak lahirkan para huffaz sendiri?? para huffaz yg betul2 mantap..bukan setakat hafal tp tajwid, makhraj, fasahah tk jage?? oleh itu, me ingin 'seru' kepada para lelaki islam singapura (yg bace entry nie) supaya..hafal alquran..sebab ianya lebih utama..plus kite ketandusan para huffaz lelaki, untuk menjadi imam! lagi satu, klw bace tu, harap baca betul2 ye? jd jemaah tk ngantuk atau sebagainye!
ok, ok..back to the story, lepas tarawih..lepak jap..tk buat ape2 ah..duduk je. by that time, rasyidah n rafidah dah ade. lepas tu me buat maths paper 2 yg mdm rahimah kasi..ingatkan nk time 2h 30 min..tp, certain sums i just couldnt do, plus i didnt really have the mood n energy. oh well~
dalam pukul 11 gitu, kak mardhiyah sampai..oh! tk dilupe adilah n suhailah pon ade jugak :) then, kite pon duduk in a circle, kak halimah share dgn kite cerite pasal seorang wanita yg berkate2 dgn ayat quran..'ajib~ 'ajib~ bagus ceritenye..nanti klw me rajin me tulis kt sini :D selepas 'bedtime story' kak halimah share beberape perkara kt quran..yg dier belajar daripada ustaz Ahmad..bermanfaat! walaupun me dah ngantuk..tp alhamdulillah..ilmu tu masuk jugak..insha Allah masuk kt long term memory ah..(tp lupe tu mungkin jugak, sebab me tk catit ape yg dikongsi!)
akhirnye..dah pukul 1 pagi..tp, kite tk immediately tido. instead, ade yg sempat makan *adelah tu orangnye.. hehe* after that..semue dah penat..lepakz..tido.. kak mariam n kak halimah plan nk buat solat taqwiatul hifz mase qiyam nanti..tp tk jadi, sebab..sebab ape eh? tk silap me..mcm tk baik gitu, imam tgh solat tahajjud n then ade firqah lain solat lain.. unfortunately, me tk dpt nk join solat tahajjud..jd duduk je ah kt sempadan masjid..scanning the verses that the imam recited.
dah habes semue..sahur plak..alhamdulillah~ ade jugak rezeki..tp, makanan tk cukup.. plus, ade org yg makan sikit..mcm reluctant untuk makan, yelah mungkin ade yg nk dahulukan org lain atau tk selesa nk makan..lebih dari 10 org, gunekan 1 dulang.. haiz~ lagi satu keje, kena prompt kwn2 suruh makan..nvm, it's ok. syukur, makanan semue habes.. tkde yg bazir :)
selepas solat subuh, kite buat circle *oops! b4 i forget, ade lagi 2 org..pelajar al-arabiah senior 1 tahun ah..satu name solehah..another one i cant remember* kak mariam n kak halimah je yg cakap..pasal..pasal..perkara2 ah..insha Allah next week kite qiyam same2 lagi :)
my comment: the 'gathering' was ok! i like it :) walaupun tk byk aktiviti, me tk kisah..asalkn kite dpt berkumpul..eratkn lagi ukhuwwah sesame kite..maklumlah, kite bukannye satu sekolah, or tinggal serumah..jd, perjumpaan sebegini is good! *smile again*
semalam me pegi mjd ghufran untuk iftar, tarawih n qiyam...pukul 8:06 pg tadi baru sampai rumah..biler tgh isi barang kt dlm bag tu, konon semangat ar bwk math w/s, rampaisari prosa warisan (plus ulasannye) n buku irk men 4..ingat nk belajar ah.. tp, nmpknye tk kesampaian semue tu *paham2 je lah kenape~ typical me.*
alhamdulillah, hati terasa gembira sebab dpt tunaikan solat tarawih kt masjid.. sejak 1 ramadhan, me tk berkesempatan..kt rumah plak byk distraction + malas..setakat tadarrus quran je ah..nk habeskan amanah 'seribu amal' yg tahun lepas tu..me tau, dah setahun baru terkial2 nk habeskan..padahal mase untuk khatam 3 bulan je! ish~ish~ hmm..sekarang nie lagi 2 juz nk khatam, insha Allah~
biler sampai, kak mariam, nadiah, afeyah n shahirah dah sampai..ah! one more thing: seronok jugak biler ade kwn2 kt masjid..tklah boring..at least dapat berborak (tk lebih2 ah)..share ilmu dan sebagainye...after that kak halimah, khairunnisa, fathimah n her sis sampai..sape lagi eh? rasenye tu je ah buat mase tu..
iftarnye, masya Allah~ byknye makanan..nasi lemak n mee..me share dgn 3 lagi org.. you know, what frustrates me is that some people just let the other people finish the food. mcm irresponsible gitu..yelah, me paham, ade yg dah kenyang..tp..ntah eh.. mcm membazir plak makanan tu..ade pulak yg tolak2 nasi kt kite..tk ke sakit hati??? niwei, me cube sedaya upaya to eat my share..n i think i did ok..at last, makanan tu tk habes jugak..bungkus ar..*dlm hati sedih jugak klw tkde org nk makan*..tp naseb baik ade satu nenek nie ambik makanan tu~ --semoga Allah memberkatimu-- :)
alahai~ perut dah senak..tp alhamdulillah, semasa solat tk de any 'complication' ar (ehem~ehem~)..semase tunggu isya', me sempat hafal beberape ayat from surah **.. actually, me plan untuk hafal dlm 3/4 surah minggu nie, tp tk kot..adelah halangan2 yg tertentu..mungkin me murajaah juz 8 untuk exam thfz nanti..
sayangnye, solat terawih cume 8 rakaat je..sebab selepas solat ade syarahan..me tk dgr sgt ar isi syarahan tu..masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri~ hmmm..mase solat tu, ade jugak bisikan jahat yg asyik nk divert my thoughts pikir perkara2 lain! astaghfirullah~ salah sendiri ah...tp, imamnye pon masalah jugak..dgr2 imam dr Mekah..but i bet they just study there..cara mereka baca pon bukan ape yg me expect from org yg menghafal alquran dan belajar di Mekah~ *sigh* lagi satu, kekadang hati kate..waah~ bagus jugak 8 rakaat..tk payah lame2..ish! jahat betul kan? me cube ah untuk ikhlaskan hati dlm ibadah tarawih nie..*weak smile* rabbana taqabbal minna~
ckp pasal imam, biler ramadhan nie, byk jugak masjid yg 'import' imam eh? yg menjadi perhatian ialah individu2 yg belajar kt timur tengah..plus, hafiz. dah jd trend dah..ye memang, ianya tidak salah..tp..ntahlah, tk tau nk ckp ape, bukan me tk setuju pon..cume me nk point out je. rasanye, biler singapura nak lahirkan para huffaz sendiri?? para huffaz yg betul2 mantap..bukan setakat hafal tp tajwid, makhraj, fasahah tk jage?? oleh itu, me ingin 'seru' kepada para lelaki islam singapura (yg bace entry nie) supaya..hafal alquran..sebab ianya lebih utama..plus kite ketandusan para huffaz lelaki, untuk menjadi imam! lagi satu, klw bace tu, harap baca betul2 ye? jd jemaah tk ngantuk atau sebagainye!
ok, ok..back to the story, lepas tarawih..lepak jap..tk buat ape2 ah..duduk je. by that time, rasyidah n rafidah dah ade. lepas tu me buat maths paper 2 yg mdm rahimah kasi..ingatkan nk time 2h 30 min..tp, certain sums i just couldnt do, plus i didnt really have the mood n energy. oh well~
dalam pukul 11 gitu, kak mardhiyah sampai..oh! tk dilupe adilah n suhailah pon ade jugak :) then, kite pon duduk in a circle, kak halimah share dgn kite cerite pasal seorang wanita yg berkate2 dgn ayat quran..'ajib~ 'ajib~ bagus ceritenye..nanti klw me rajin me tulis kt sini :D selepas 'bedtime story' kak halimah share beberape perkara kt quran..yg dier belajar daripada ustaz Ahmad..bermanfaat! walaupun me dah ngantuk..tp alhamdulillah..ilmu tu masuk jugak..insha Allah masuk kt long term memory ah..(tp lupe tu mungkin jugak, sebab me tk catit ape yg dikongsi!)
akhirnye..dah pukul 1 pagi..tp, kite tk immediately tido. instead, ade yg sempat makan *adelah tu orangnye.. hehe* after that..semue dah penat..lepakz..tido.. kak mariam n kak halimah plan nk buat solat taqwiatul hifz mase qiyam nanti..tp tk jadi, sebab..sebab ape eh? tk silap me..mcm tk baik gitu, imam tgh solat tahajjud n then ade firqah lain solat lain.. unfortunately, me tk dpt nk join solat tahajjud..jd duduk je ah kt sempadan masjid..scanning the verses that the imam recited.
dah habes semue..sahur plak..alhamdulillah~ ade jugak rezeki..tp, makanan tk cukup.. plus, ade org yg makan sikit..mcm reluctant untuk makan, yelah mungkin ade yg nk dahulukan org lain atau tk selesa nk makan..lebih dari 10 org, gunekan 1 dulang.. haiz~ lagi satu keje, kena prompt kwn2 suruh makan..nvm, it's ok. syukur, makanan semue habes.. tkde yg bazir :)
selepas solat subuh, kite buat circle *oops! b4 i forget, ade lagi 2 org..pelajar al-arabiah senior 1 tahun ah..satu name solehah..another one i cant remember* kak mariam n kak halimah je yg cakap..pasal..pasal..perkara2 ah..insha Allah next week kite qiyam same2 lagi :)
my comment: the 'gathering' was ok! i like it :) walaupun tk byk aktiviti, me tk kisah..asalkn kite dpt berkumpul..eratkn lagi ukhuwwah sesame kite..maklumlah, kite bukannye satu sekolah, or tinggal serumah..jd, perjumpaan sebegini is good! *smile again*
biology notes n all~
here n back again: nlnm_k`u_jee
im taking a little time off from mugging through the notes..it's been 2 hours or so..n i dont think i've memorised necessary diagrams/answers..urgh!
*it's computer class right now, by the way*
in approximately 3/4 hours, i'll be 'undergoing' IOS's bio practical exam.. first time in my life.. *smirks* i'd like to get impressive marks for this first shot..but nah~ i dont think so.. in fact, im still blur about the magnification stuff n how to draw a half clitoria flower! *sighs*
oh well~
fyi, i was absent from school for TWO DAYS..tuesday n wednesday.. suddenly i dont care if i maintained my attendance record or not, coz what was important was that i got the neubalizer (i think i spelled that correctly!)..really man, i needed to breathe in more oxygen or something..furthermore, it's been quite a long time since i stepped into the polyclinic.
the whole affair was ok...there was a 'counselling' nurse who advised me about athma n stuff..plus, i got lots of medicine (some of which i eat/ate obediently :>).. suprisingly, i got antibiotics..ish~ untuk ape sey...
the rest of that tuesday was spent sleeping for 4 hours (without ever waking up!!).. n then...umm..i cant remember. eat i think? or watch tv?? i dunno.
the next day, my condition was slightly better..alhamdulillah~ i stayed home all day.. n felt quite happy that i didnt have to drag myself to school breathelessly (like on monday!)
okay...i guess that's all for today..im off to bloghopping now! see ya!
by the way...
AHLAN WA SAHLAN YA RAMADHAN!!!
im taking a little time off from mugging through the notes..it's been 2 hours or so..n i dont think i've memorised necessary diagrams/answers..urgh!
*it's computer class right now, by the way*
in approximately 3/4 hours, i'll be 'undergoing' IOS's bio practical exam.. first time in my life.. *smirks* i'd like to get impressive marks for this first shot..but nah~ i dont think so.. in fact, im still blur about the magnification stuff n how to draw a half clitoria flower! *sighs*
oh well~
fyi, i was absent from school for TWO DAYS..tuesday n wednesday.. suddenly i dont care if i maintained my attendance record or not, coz what was important was that i got the neubalizer (i think i spelled that correctly!)..really man, i needed to breathe in more oxygen or something..furthermore, it's been quite a long time since i stepped into the polyclinic.
the whole affair was ok...there was a 'counselling' nurse who advised me about athma n stuff..plus, i got lots of medicine (some of which i eat/ate obediently :>).. suprisingly, i got antibiotics..ish~ untuk ape sey...
the rest of that tuesday was spent sleeping for 4 hours (without ever waking up!!).. n then...umm..i cant remember. eat i think? or watch tv?? i dunno.
the next day, my condition was slightly better..alhamdulillah~ i stayed home all day.. n felt quite happy that i didnt have to drag myself to school breathelessly (like on monday!)
okay...i guess that's all for today..im off to bloghopping now! see ya!
by the way...
AHLAN WA SAHLAN YA RAMADHAN!!!
'idut tolabah ^-^
HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!
the sec 4 students didnt get much yesterday. we got an apple each from sir ali. 5 choclairs each from ust suhana. a packet of oreo (3 biscuits inside) each from ust juliah. a mini cadbury's zip junior chocolate each from ust zauwiyah. ferro roche, mee goreng n a polar cake from ust damawiyah (our form teacher).
from the school: a lunch box n a free drink.
nice huh?
im ok with it. i dont even care if we didnt get anything. but the sad thing is that i dont (notice the present tense) eat most of the chocolate/biscuit/sweets. so i gave them to my sister who got a bag full of food. i only ate mee goreng (it was delicious!) n cake (anything from polar will do :>).
yesterday was hidayah's birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! *SMILE*), so she gave each one of us a packet of kitkat (now that's what i like!). n cupcakes..yum!
niwei, biler nk makan mee goreng tu (kite makan dlm kelas)..me rase terharu gitu. yelah, this is going to be the last time kite dapat ape2..plus, baik pulak ust dama kasi mee goreng n chocolate..padahal kite tk kasi dier ape2 untuk teacher's day. prestasi kite dalam pelajarannye (nahu, saraf n bahasa arab) pon tklah sebaik mane.
hmm...naseb baik air mate tk keluar..ish~ish~ sejak kebelakangan nie me agak sentimental sikit. kadang2 sedih..kadang2 marah..urgh~ gasaklah!
back to the main story:
actually one of us cadangkan klw kite boleh something untuk adek2..kononnye 'especially from sec 4'..tp rata2 semue org tk kuase..so tk jadi ar.. me sendiri pon tk enthusiastic..nk pikir2 ape yg nk dibuat leceh benar. tkde mase pon. oh well..
*lacking of ideas to write right now*
oh! esok, ahad 2 oct 2005, ade ceramah interaktif (gitu2 ah) ttg remaja kt masjid kampung siglap. ade 2 ceramah. satu pukul 2, lagi satu pukul 4 lebih. advertisement nye ade kt suratkhabar beberape hari yg lalu. ape2 info, gi website mks. me terpikir jugak nk volunteer..tp nanti tk belajar pulak.haiz~ sekarang nie pon me tgh sakit..runny nose. baru kena semalam. td pagi, fuyo! kejap2 masuk toilet..ataupon cari tissue. haiz~ tkpelah..ujian daripada Allah~ nk hilangkan dosa nie.. ;p
ooooo...
ramadhan dah nak tiba!!! ballighni ramadhan ya Rab!
tiba2 me teringat arwah ustaz hafi...tk sempat beliau nk jumpe ramadhan tahun lepas.. *sob* hmmm...me selalu fikir, klw me sempat jumpe ramadhan yg seterusnye.. insha allah, klw panjang umur, me dapat jumpe ramadhan tahun nie.. Allahumma Amiin
the sec 4 students didnt get much yesterday. we got an apple each from sir ali. 5 choclairs each from ust suhana. a packet of oreo (3 biscuits inside) each from ust juliah. a mini cadbury's zip junior chocolate each from ust zauwiyah. ferro roche, mee goreng n a polar cake from ust damawiyah (our form teacher).
from the school: a lunch box n a free drink.
nice huh?
im ok with it. i dont even care if we didnt get anything. but the sad thing is that i dont (notice the present tense) eat most of the chocolate/biscuit/sweets. so i gave them to my sister who got a bag full of food. i only ate mee goreng (it was delicious!) n cake (anything from polar will do :>).
yesterday was hidayah's birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! *SMILE*), so she gave each one of us a packet of kitkat (now that's what i like!). n cupcakes..yum!
niwei, biler nk makan mee goreng tu (kite makan dlm kelas)..me rase terharu gitu. yelah, this is going to be the last time kite dapat ape2..plus, baik pulak ust dama kasi mee goreng n chocolate..padahal kite tk kasi dier ape2 untuk teacher's day. prestasi kite dalam pelajarannye (nahu, saraf n bahasa arab) pon tklah sebaik mane.
hmm...naseb baik air mate tk keluar..ish~ish~ sejak kebelakangan nie me agak sentimental sikit. kadang2 sedih..kadang2 marah..urgh~ gasaklah!
back to the main story:
actually one of us cadangkan klw kite boleh something untuk adek2..kononnye 'especially from sec 4'..tp rata2 semue org tk kuase..so tk jadi ar.. me sendiri pon tk enthusiastic..nk pikir2 ape yg nk dibuat leceh benar. tkde mase pon. oh well..
*lacking of ideas to write right now*
oh! esok, ahad 2 oct 2005, ade ceramah interaktif (gitu2 ah) ttg remaja kt masjid kampung siglap. ade 2 ceramah. satu pukul 2, lagi satu pukul 4 lebih. advertisement nye ade kt suratkhabar beberape hari yg lalu. ape2 info, gi website mks. me terpikir jugak nk volunteer..tp nanti tk belajar pulak.haiz~ sekarang nie pon me tgh sakit..runny nose. baru kena semalam. td pagi, fuyo! kejap2 masuk toilet..ataupon cari tissue. haiz~ tkpelah..ujian daripada Allah~ nk hilangkan dosa nie.. ;p
ooooo...
ramadhan dah nak tiba!!! ballighni ramadhan ya Rab!
tiba2 me teringat arwah ustaz hafi...tk sempat beliau nk jumpe ramadhan tahun lepas.. *sob* hmmm...me selalu fikir, klw me sempat jumpe ramadhan yg seterusnye.. insha allah, klw panjang umur, me dapat jumpe ramadhan tahun nie.. Allahumma Amiin
prediction.
i've counted my marks. in several ways. n so, the conclusion is: im going to get 'MUMTAZ'. you should've seen my expression. i was not in a good mood all day. of course, it's not confirmed yet. but there's no way im going to get 90%. who wants to give me free marks anyway??
ust. damawiyah has keyed in the overall marks. so, it's over. i cant do anything.
dont tell me to relax ok? dont even tell me to calm down.
im doing ok. realising the fact that i've failed to achieve my goal, i know i have to accept it. i am accepting it. but reliving the numbers in my mind hurts. so people, you know what to do: distract me ok? i need help here. i dont want to dwell in sadness. it's no use. there's no point of crying over spilled milk when im the one who spilled it.
ust. damawiyah has keyed in the overall marks. so, it's over. i cant do anything.
dont tell me to relax ok? dont even tell me to calm down.
im doing ok. realising the fact that i've failed to achieve my goal, i know i have to accept it. i am accepting it. but reliving the numbers in my mind hurts. so people, you know what to do: distract me ok? i need help here. i dont want to dwell in sadness. it's no use. there's no point of crying over spilled milk when im the one who spilled it.
2 weeks more..
14th september 2005 is officially going to my last day at madrasah alsagoff al-arabiah.
*sad sad*
the reality is upon me.
it is inevitable.
i have to face it.
im going to survive it.
goodbye.
to all my juniors.
the teachers.
the canteen.
the food.
the library.
the classes.
the hall.
the corridors.
the carpark.
the school ground.
im leaving all these.
for now.
but i'll be back.
to embrace the memories.
the memories of 10 years.
only time will bring me here again.
and i'll wait.
just wait.
see you later alsagoff.
*sad sad*
the reality is upon me.
it is inevitable.
i have to face it.
im going to survive it.
goodbye.
to all my juniors.
the teachers.
the canteen.
the food.
the library.
the classes.
the hall.
the corridors.
the carpark.
the school ground.
im leaving all these.
for now.
but i'll be back.
to embrace the memories.
the memories of 10 years.
only time will bring me here again.
and i'll wait.
just wait.
see you later alsagoff.
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