qiyam`05: episode 2

so, biler sec 3 buat diorg nye performance..i watched..but my mind was somewhere else...seriously, mcm tkde kuase nk teruskn qiyam..mcm nk balik je..mase tu blm bukak telekong lagik! ish~! then, ust zauwiah panggil me..oh well, i tot, here we go.. dier pon cakap lah...gini, gitu..hmm i cant really recall what she exactly said..but suddenly i just felt like i couldnt hold it much longer...though me tahan jugak...after that, i went to tpt letak bag sec 4..nk bukak telekong kot...then, ust zauwiah came to me...dier cakap lagik...this time, what i remember is this: ust zauwiah believe that khadijah gunekn me/my pangkat to trap me..bla..bla..bla..i wont reveal all the facts here..coz it's between me n ust zauwiah..but i just couldnt agree with her...i felt like telling her, there n then, that it doesnt matter what khadijah said of me! im the one to be blamed! after that..she went back to her place..n i finally broke down (actually, biler ust tgh cakap, me dah nangis dah...hais~ mcm mase kt program suai kenal plak!)..."kau pembohong, liyana! kau pembohong! kenape kau tk cakap ape2?! liar! liar!"my head screamed...

seriously, people, i dont make this up...it was what really happened...

i decided to turun bawah...i couldnt face the students w/ my face like that! me cuci muke...tarik nafas...haaahhh~~..tanye guru2 yg kt kantin if they needed any help...they said no..so i went back up to the hall..then duduk tgk performance sec 3 tu...biler dah habes...kak hairani approached me...she said something like:anti selalu kate share problems..so anti share ah antinye problem...oh! that was very sweet of her...but i just couldnt..i'll break down again if i open my mouth..it was hard for me to explain it to her..i was crying again..tp tk dahsyat ar..

then..to the ava room...me turun lambat2..biler nk masuk tu, terserempak dgn ust zauwiah..dier kate"awk pon same?"i said,"ye" as if i dont care...she was like..ya allah!..gitu2 ah..(ish~ gasak ar!)..hmmm...nasib baik ust katijah tkde..dier pergi jemputan..! so, the so-called lecturer would be the discipline mistress herself...i dont want to explain what she said...those who were in the same room as me (you know who you are) tau lah ape yg dier ckp..n who suddenly stood up? ME. i just cant take it,man..! she talked as if org lain yg salah...as if she was defending me..as if i didnt know that dijah n the gang memang dah plan nk keluar! i finally blew up! urgh!! krg2 yg terlibat taulah ape yg ana ckp...harap jgn cerite kt org lain ye!

ok, ok...perhaps my sudden reaction was stupid..or lame..or whatever that you people out there might say..but what's done is done...what's important is that i did what ive wanted to do..i.e to not be silent..i wasnt going to let people think that im a hypocrite, saving my own ass..!

after the mini drama in the ava room..the others pergi kantin..(naseb baik ade lagi mknn), ade yg gi dewan (coz diorang ahli panel forum sec 4)..whereas i went to the sec4 class..many kinds of feelings n thought in my head..thank god i didnt explode or ran away!..biler dah calm sikit..me gi toilet..biler nk keluar tu, khadijah masuk, dier mintak maaf..hey, dijah...tk payah mintak2 maaf...tkde ape yg nk dimaafkan...betul..krg tk bersalah ape2 pon kt ana..but please..jgn cakap ape2 or ungkit pasal nie lagi kt ana...i just want to forget ok? seriously, dijah, you dont have to feel bad about it..

since then..everything went back to normal...at least for me, i tried to pretend that things were ok, n eventually, my own self came back! :)...but i kind of avoided ust zauwiah..klw boleh, malas nk berbual dgn dier..i dunno why..but now, as im typing this entry...the negative feeling had subsided..so biler bukak sekolah nanti, i can talk to her w/o any bad thoughts.. :)

yeah, that's just about it..i've told my story..i hope ianye tk terbelit2..klw korg tk paham pon tkpe..as long as i, myself, know what i've been writing about..