every TP student is required to do a medical check-up to ensure that he/she is fit for his/her course.
and so, i went to raffles medical group @ causeway point yesterday morning, with my mum. i didnt expect that there would be many people at the place. as it turned out, there were quite a number of teenagers waiting for their turn to see the doctor. and as i was waiting for my turn, more teenagers arrived..
ada pelajar2 semangat bawak TP's enrolment guide. ada yang bawak dgn envelopenye sekali! fuyo~~ from what i saw n heard, those teenagers are TP-ians too..
actually, the medical check-up made me excited! really! i mean, i have never done any medical check-up, and i've been wanting to do it (coz i want to find out if i have any serious illnesses or something..)..so when this opportunity came, i was happy indeed!
i thought the doctor will check my whole body or something, but no. what happened was that a nurse (i think) called my name to check my weight and height, and to check for eye-vision and color-blindness. thanks to this check-up, i finally know that my height is 1.54m (i cant believe it! im shooorrrt!!) and my weight is 43.9kg. and my bmi is 18-point-something.. which means my weight is suitable for my height. yey!
unfortunately, as i've written somewhere in/on this blog before, my vision is becoming worst (or 'worse'??).. i definitely have to change my lens.ASAP! and thank goodness, im not color-blind =)
BUT! the most yucky, disgusting, unforgettable thing that i had to was..... GUESS WHAT????????????????????????????
urine check! which means i had to fill a small plastic bottle with my own u****..!! oh my god!! i was like..huh?? oh no! why do i have to do this stupid thing???!!
err...it was my first time, you know. so i was feeling stupid, embarrassed. and i didnt feel like u****ting..(urgh! writing this story here makes me sick! but i have to, so you know what it's like)..however, miraculously, my brain must have 'merangsang' my u****ry bladder, so there was little problem. ok, im not going to tell all the disgusting details here. figure it yourself! yang pastinya, when i got out of the small cubicle (it's in the clinic itself), i washed my hands like i've never washed before! really disgusting man!! oh! another minus point is that there was no water in the cubicle, only tissue. can you imagine???????????? yuck! yuck! yuck!
when i got home, i washed all my clothes, tudung and stokin... cuma kasut je belum cuci. unfortunately, i was able to eat my lunch at a coffeeshop without being too paranoid about my hands (yelah, kan me dah cuci dgn sabun! satu kt clinic, lagi satu kt kedai makan tu!)...
oh! after raffles medical group, i went to SATA @ woodlands civic centre to do a chest x-ray. haa! kt situ lah baru ramai sangat org! ada pelajar2 dari nyp, np, tp.. tk tau plak klw sp & rp nye budak ade kt situ..
hehe..pengalaman nk ambil x-ray ok ar... me kena pakai robe color maroon.. dahlah lengannye pendek, jadi me kena sembunyikan tangan bawah tudung..i thought x-ray kena baring, rupa2nye, kena berdiri sambil sandar kt satu board nie. sekejap je x-ray.. no fuss, no whatever. yang paiseynye, me kena bukak tudung masa nk x-ray tu..dah lah orang yg uruskan lelaki cina..tp nasib baik tk kena bukak serkup!
anyway, hidup nie memang tk sunyi dari ujian, ye tak? mana2 kite keluar je, mesti ada ujian, fitnah. fitnah ape??? fitnah mata lah!!
ish~~ me tk suke sey... yelah, bila ada rajul, me kena 'behave'... really cant be myself...really cant concentrate. me nk stretch kaki pon tk boleh..mak kata "hisy~ behave yourself..kan makcik tu punye anak ade kt sebelah.."... ok, ok... but the thing is, i dont give a damn about that stranger. bukannye me flirting pon! tkkn me nk duduk kt situ macam batu! n paham2 je lah, me klw duduk, tk boleh nk diam..asyik nk gerak je..
kt SATA tu lagi ramai org, ramai rajul! masya Allah~~~ ni baru kt SATA. bukan kt polytechnic! klw kt polytechnic nanti macamane?????????????????????? lagi byk ujian...hari2 kena uji.......hari2 ada fitnah mata....... Ya Allah~~~~~~~ berikanlah aku kekuatan!
ish~ me takut ar...me risau klw me akan terkena panahan 'cinta monyet' masa kt polytechnic nanti~~ risau sgt2! me pon risau klw my haya' level berkurangan bila kt sana nanti... me risau me gagal jaga akhlak...
if i want to be myself, as you all know, 'myself' is gila2, happy2, straightforward.. tp, how can i be myself with rajul around, when 'myself' may potray me as a girl with low-akhlak?!
ok.ok. me dah penat menulis...sampai sini je lah cerita hari ni..
oh! medical report akan siap within 3-4 days...so, in the meantime, im gonna fill all those enrolment forms, and then next week, im gonna submit them with the medical report.. =)
little cousins
hey there, people!
one school holiday week has come n gone. and i've got pictures for you to feast your eyes on =) i mean, the pictures are not really a big deal. i just want to show them to you.
the whole week has been ok. lots of watching tv and eating. i stayed at my aunt's house for 6 days straight! just me, aqila, nenek and irfaan. ibu, farah, sabrina n farzana pergi pekan baru, so aqila n i were supposed to accompany nenek, who was a bit ill - headache mostly. irfaan mmglah boleh jaga nenek, tapi nenek tk lah keseorangan sangat...
niwei, farah, sabrina n farzana are my favourite cousin *smiles* irfaan plak...err.. entah eh. tk berbual dgn dia pon! nk kata, keluarga arwah cik mamat (my uncle) is my favourite relative ar...
yang kt sebelah ni namanye nur farzana. dia K1 tahun ni.. gempal kan? hehe...gempal2 pon, attitudenye cute! hahaha~~ klw berbual, siap gunekan 'i' 'you'! me pon terikut2 jugak! ramai org cakap yg farzana mirip arwah cik mamat.. mata, muka.. yep! nak kata, dia penghibur hati dlm keluarga..me pon suka main2 dgn dia..hehe~
ok, yang sebelah farzana is nur sabrina. primary 3. me ingat lagi..ada satu incident tu, masa tu sabrina masih baby lagi, me pulak 7-8 tahun gitu.. me tgh 'jaga' sabrina dlm bilik, n then, i must've let go of her or something, jadi sabrina jatuh! terhentak floor! fuyo~ menangis lah baby tu!! you know what i told ibu? "dia terjatuh sendiri.." aiya~ tknk bertanggungjawab eh, liyana? bohong lagi! kecik2 dah tipu! niwei, ibu tk suspect me..*rasa guilty lah pulak skrg nie*
*the entry stops here*
one school holiday week has come n gone. and i've got pictures for you to feast your eyes on =) i mean, the pictures are not really a big deal. i just want to show them to you.
the whole week has been ok. lots of watching tv and eating. i stayed at my aunt's house for 6 days straight! just me, aqila, nenek and irfaan. ibu, farah, sabrina n farzana pergi pekan baru, so aqila n i were supposed to accompany nenek, who was a bit ill - headache mostly. irfaan mmglah boleh jaga nenek, tapi nenek tk lah keseorangan sangat...
niwei, farah, sabrina n farzana are my favourite cousin *smiles* irfaan plak...err.. entah eh. tk berbual dgn dia pon! nk kata, keluarga arwah cik mamat (my uncle) is my favourite relative ar...
yang kt sebelah ni namanye nur farzana. dia K1 tahun ni.. gempal kan? hehe...gempal2 pon, attitudenye cute! hahaha~~ klw berbual, siap gunekan 'i' 'you'! me pon terikut2 jugak! ramai org cakap yg farzana mirip arwah cik mamat.. mata, muka.. yep! nak kata, dia penghibur hati dlm keluarga..me pon suka main2 dgn dia..hehe~
ok, yang sebelah farzana is nur sabrina. primary 3. me ingat lagi..ada satu incident tu, masa tu sabrina masih baby lagi, me pulak 7-8 tahun gitu.. me tgh 'jaga' sabrina dlm bilik, n then, i must've let go of her or something, jadi sabrina jatuh! terhentak floor! fuyo~ menangis lah baby tu!! you know what i told ibu? "dia terjatuh sendiri.." aiya~ tknk bertanggungjawab eh, liyana? bohong lagi! kecik2 dah tipu! niwei, ibu tk suspect me..*rasa guilty lah pulak skrg nie**the entry stops here*
any schools in mind??
i have an announcement to make:
i've been accepted to TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC, in BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE DIPLOMA COURSE!
before you think that im rolling off my chair, jumping up and down, all-excited, well, let me tell you this: YOU ARE WRONG.
from the day i heard the machine-operated voice (from MOE hotline) telling me where im posted to until now, im still not looking forward to start my life as a biomed sci dip student. BUT, im sure getting excited thinking about all the CCAs and activities that i can join in TP!
you see, my whole 10 years in alsagoff never involved any CCAs. well, excluding dozens of competitions that i had participated lah..and the short stint as a member of the so-called art-and-craft club..! the school had tried to start a few CCAs and maintain them, but it just didnt work: limited time, limited people with real talents and enthusiasm!
so, the fact that a polytechnic life will give me loads of chances to try new stuffs is what is keeping me happy and contented.
yeah...i guess im trying to make myself happy - distracted - by thinking about CCAs... and not thinking about the subjects that im going to learn for the next 3 years and about the bi'ah and ikhtilat...
oh! let me tell you what i had actually picked and put in the JAE form: (choice of courses)
1. biomedical science (SP)
2. biomedical science (NP)
3. biomedical science (TP)
4. molecular biotechnology (NYP)
5. chemical and pharmaceutical technology (NYP)
6. bioelectronics (SP)
7. business administration (SP)
8. business studies (NP)
9. applied food science and nutrition (TP)
10. accountancy (SP)
11. accounting and finance (TP)
12. tampines junior college (science)
hmmm...as i looked at this list again, i kinda realised that i would be happier and satisfied if i had got into any of the 4th-12th choices... the first three was, i had to admit, for the sake of my parents. they want me to take biomed sci, they want me to be a doctor, or a scientist, "doktor hafizah"... while the 4th to the 11th choices, i chose them for my own self. i would even like to try business or accountancy.. they really sound and look interesting you know! something different from the science field. as for the 12th choice, TPJC...haha! it was nothing serious. it's not as if i really want to go to JC.. perhaps, of course, if there were a 'tutup aurat' JC, i would be vying for a spot! =p
hmmm...but if i were to go to a JC, i'd like to take the arts stream. unsuprisingly, my dad would want, or using a better word - "suruh", me to take the science stream...alahai~~~ it's just that economics, history and geography seem more attractive than triple science! and i surely dont want to memorize all the weird terms and names, plus the long and complicated facts! but, shh! im not going to tell that to my dad!
b.i.o.m.e.d.i.c.a.l. s.c.i.e.n.c.e. >> mmMmMmmm... bukanlah me tak nak langsung, atau tak minat langsung nk belajar dlm course tu... in fact, me dah siang2 pilih biomed sci in poly... maksud 'siang2' tu time menengah 3/4.. yelah, masa tu kononnya, suka sangat nk belajar science. nak jadi scientist, nk buat research, nk buat a 'breakthrough in the science world'...HAH! as if! tapi, lately (since late 2005).. i began to have doubts, second-thoughts about my all-this-time-good impression of the biomedical science field.. i began to question my real interest, which i think i have none.
and then again, maybe i wasnt excited about going to TP at first because i failed to get into SP or NP... TP sounds foreign to me. i havent been to its ground. i just didnt expect i will go there. not to worry though, the disappointment is wearing off. i dont care now.
my teachers expect me to pursue my studies in the religious field. i bet my relatives do too. because i would shine and do well in that area. because im a pearl too precious to be taken to the other sea (haha..im exaggerating now! jgn layan!)... well, simply said, i'll feel safer there.
so, im caught in the middle: nak sambung ukhrawi dulu ke duniawi? nak ikut cakap ayah ke cakap guru? diri sendiri plak mcmane?
solat istikharah? dah buat....tapi, tiba2 me terfikir: solat aku diterima ke????? entah2 solat aku tk ok, sebab tu smpi skrg masih blur2 lagi! haiz~~ atau mungkin aku sengaja buat2 tk tau, sedangkan sebenarnya Allah dah tunjukkan jalannya?!
jadi apakah jalan seterusnya? ke manakah harus aku melangkah?
thinking back, i dont want to go to KUIS, coz i worry that my friends will be overshadowed by me. i dont want to go to wak tanjong either, because of that same reason. maarif... well, klw masuk maarif, nanti options jurusan kt univesity terbata, unless i take extra subjects, which means sacrifices on time and money.
so, in polytechnic, i will be by myself. alone. for the first time in ten years. hazimah kt republic poly. walaupun kita berdua sahaja yg masuk poly, masing2 akan meniti kehidupan sendiri2... bukannya sama sekolah! i will start a new life there, i guess. make new impressions, make new friends, meet new people, face new challenges, face a new environment... i hope i can survive this and emerge victorious and successful at the of the day. we'll see...in 3-years' time.
of course, maybe i will regret the lack of knowledge in the religious field, thinking of what i would have gained and achieved if i had gone to KUIS...
sebenarnya, me nk belajar al-quran dan sunnah. pilihan kedua ialah dakwah, dan yg ketiga: tahfiz wal qiraat. klw ada double diploma lagi bagus. boleh me ambil perbankan islam, pengurusan perniagaan atau ekonomi kt KUIS.
oh! back to solat istikharah... selain solat istikharah, mmglah me ada berdoa... الدعاء سلاح المؤمن ... dan hati me dah terbukak nk terima polytechnic, ayah pon dah terbukak hati (klw tidak, ayah tk plan for me to go to polytechnic)....me pon asyik terfikir2 pasal polytechnic, walaupun kadang2 tu terfikir pasal KUIS plak....dari ini semua, me yakin polytechnic adalah pilihan Allah buat me..... klw poly bukan jawapannya, masakan me akan terfikir2 pasal poly, hati me lebih condong pada poly??? but i still pray, and pray, and pray..that im not making the wrong move. that i wont regret my decision later.
ok, as im writing this......... im sealing my final decision: im going to go for polytechnic.
"Ya Allah~ kuatkanlah diriku. jika ini jawapannya, maka tetapkanlah hatiku, jauhkanlah aku dari rasa ragu2, agar aku tidak berubah hati, agar pendirianku tidak goyah dgn kata2 orang lain. tetapi jika ini bukan jawapannya, tunjukkanlah aku jawapan yang sebenar dgn segera, ya Allah... kerana masa semakin singkat...aku takut, aku takut aku akan menyesal dan rugi kelak.... maka pimpinlah aku, ya Allah......."
i've been accepted to TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC, in BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE DIPLOMA COURSE!
before you think that im rolling off my chair, jumping up and down, all-excited, well, let me tell you this: YOU ARE WRONG.
from the day i heard the machine-operated voice (from MOE hotline) telling me where im posted to until now, im still not looking forward to start my life as a biomed sci dip student. BUT, im sure getting excited thinking about all the CCAs and activities that i can join in TP!
you see, my whole 10 years in alsagoff never involved any CCAs. well, excluding dozens of competitions that i had participated lah..and the short stint as a member of the so-called art-and-craft club..! the school had tried to start a few CCAs and maintain them, but it just didnt work: limited time, limited people with real talents and enthusiasm!
so, the fact that a polytechnic life will give me loads of chances to try new stuffs is what is keeping me happy and contented.
yeah...i guess im trying to make myself happy - distracted - by thinking about CCAs... and not thinking about the subjects that im going to learn for the next 3 years and about the bi'ah and ikhtilat...
oh! let me tell you what i had actually picked and put in the JAE form: (choice of courses)
1. biomedical science (SP)
2. biomedical science (NP)
3. biomedical science (TP)
4. molecular biotechnology (NYP)
5. chemical and pharmaceutical technology (NYP)
6. bioelectronics (SP)
7. business administration (SP)
8. business studies (NP)
9. applied food science and nutrition (TP)
10. accountancy (SP)
11. accounting and finance (TP)
12. tampines junior college (science)
hmmm...as i looked at this list again, i kinda realised that i would be happier and satisfied if i had got into any of the 4th-12th choices... the first three was, i had to admit, for the sake of my parents. they want me to take biomed sci, they want me to be a doctor, or a scientist, "doktor hafizah"... while the 4th to the 11th choices, i chose them for my own self. i would even like to try business or accountancy.. they really sound and look interesting you know! something different from the science field. as for the 12th choice, TPJC...haha! it was nothing serious. it's not as if i really want to go to JC.. perhaps, of course, if there were a 'tutup aurat' JC, i would be vying for a spot! =p
hmmm...but if i were to go to a JC, i'd like to take the arts stream. unsuprisingly, my dad would want, or using a better word - "suruh", me to take the science stream...alahai~~~ it's just that economics, history and geography seem more attractive than triple science! and i surely dont want to memorize all the weird terms and names, plus the long and complicated facts! but, shh! im not going to tell that to my dad!
b.i.o.m.e.d.i.c.a.l. s.c.i.e.n.c.e. >> mmMmMmmm... bukanlah me tak nak langsung, atau tak minat langsung nk belajar dlm course tu... in fact, me dah siang2 pilih biomed sci in poly... maksud 'siang2' tu time menengah 3/4.. yelah, masa tu kononnya, suka sangat nk belajar science. nak jadi scientist, nk buat research, nk buat a 'breakthrough in the science world'...HAH! as if! tapi, lately (since late 2005).. i began to have doubts, second-thoughts about my all-this-time-good impression of the biomedical science field.. i began to question my real interest, which i think i have none.
and then again, maybe i wasnt excited about going to TP at first because i failed to get into SP or NP... TP sounds foreign to me. i havent been to its ground. i just didnt expect i will go there. not to worry though, the disappointment is wearing off. i dont care now.
my teachers expect me to pursue my studies in the religious field. i bet my relatives do too. because i would shine and do well in that area. because im a pearl too precious to be taken to the other sea (haha..im exaggerating now! jgn layan!)... well, simply said, i'll feel safer there.
so, im caught in the middle: nak sambung ukhrawi dulu ke duniawi? nak ikut cakap ayah ke cakap guru? diri sendiri plak mcmane?
solat istikharah? dah buat....tapi, tiba2 me terfikir: solat aku diterima ke????? entah2 solat aku tk ok, sebab tu smpi skrg masih blur2 lagi! haiz~~ atau mungkin aku sengaja buat2 tk tau, sedangkan sebenarnya Allah dah tunjukkan jalannya?!
jadi apakah jalan seterusnya? ke manakah harus aku melangkah?
thinking back, i dont want to go to KUIS, coz i worry that my friends will be overshadowed by me. i dont want to go to wak tanjong either, because of that same reason. maarif... well, klw masuk maarif, nanti options jurusan kt univesity terbata, unless i take extra subjects, which means sacrifices on time and money.
so, in polytechnic, i will be by myself. alone. for the first time in ten years. hazimah kt republic poly. walaupun kita berdua sahaja yg masuk poly, masing2 akan meniti kehidupan sendiri2... bukannya sama sekolah! i will start a new life there, i guess. make new impressions, make new friends, meet new people, face new challenges, face a new environment... i hope i can survive this and emerge victorious and successful at the of the day. we'll see...in 3-years' time.
of course, maybe i will regret the lack of knowledge in the religious field, thinking of what i would have gained and achieved if i had gone to KUIS...
sebenarnya, me nk belajar al-quran dan sunnah. pilihan kedua ialah dakwah, dan yg ketiga: tahfiz wal qiraat. klw ada double diploma lagi bagus. boleh me ambil perbankan islam, pengurusan perniagaan atau ekonomi kt KUIS.
oh! back to solat istikharah... selain solat istikharah, mmglah me ada berdoa... الدعاء سلاح المؤمن ... dan hati me dah terbukak nk terima polytechnic, ayah pon dah terbukak hati (klw tidak, ayah tk plan for me to go to polytechnic)....me pon asyik terfikir2 pasal polytechnic, walaupun kadang2 tu terfikir pasal KUIS plak....dari ini semua, me yakin polytechnic adalah pilihan Allah buat me..... klw poly bukan jawapannya, masakan me akan terfikir2 pasal poly, hati me lebih condong pada poly??? but i still pray, and pray, and pray..that im not making the wrong move. that i wont regret my decision later.
ok, as im writing this......... im sealing my final decision: im going to go for polytechnic.
"Ya Allah~ kuatkanlah diriku. jika ini jawapannya, maka tetapkanlah hatiku, jauhkanlah aku dari rasa ragu2, agar aku tidak berubah hati, agar pendirianku tidak goyah dgn kata2 orang lain. tetapi jika ini bukan jawapannya, tunjukkanlah aku jawapan yang sebenar dgn segera, ya Allah... kerana masa semakin singkat...aku takut, aku takut aku akan menyesal dan rugi kelak.... maka pimpinlah aku, ya Allah......."
i deserve that! (part2)
ISLAMIC RELIGIOUS KNOWLEDGE paper 1 - hmmm...i cant remember much about paper 1.. really. all i know is i didnt do very well in it. there were 4-8 questions, i think, that i had troubles figuring out the answers, or fishing out the answers from the depth of my head! maybe at some points, i created my own answers using my own logic and knowledge.
oh well, teachers and friends had told me to write the answers succinctly, straight-to-the-point, according to the questions. yeah, that's the main rule when you do the IRK papers. i dont know, maybe i did cross the line a bit and write unnecessary stuff, not that i would be aware of it, coz who knows which points are necessary, and which arent, to the examiners!
ISLAMIC RELIGIOUS KNOWLEDGE paper 2 - you know, i never did finish the IRK sec4 book. (fyi, there are 2 books, green - sec3 and blue - sec4). i didnt even touch the 4 caliphs part, let alone the umaiyyah and abbasiyah period. haha.. so i had to rely on my knowledge from my thick islamic history school book. the problem is, my school book covered more info than the IRK books. that was where the cofusion comes in; which info is in the IRK books and which isnt. mixed up!
needless to say, i was kind of panic on the night of the IRK exam. another minus point was that the exam was on the second day of hari raya!! so i brought my IRK book along with me on the first hari raya day. but there wasnt much privacy or time to read the book peacefully or memorize the facts. so in the end, it was only the morning of the exam that i was able to sit down and force the facts into my head, in approximately 5 hours! can you imagine memorizing 206 pages of info in 5 hours??? not that i managed to, of course. i didnt even get to re-read the 1st book too! so i only hoped that i wouldnt forget whatever i had learnt in the 1st book, hoped that my memory was still good.
anyway, suprisingly - again! - IRK paper 2 was a breeze. alhamdulillah~~ i wouldnt say it was a totally, absolutely smooth ride. but it was definitely better than paper 1. the only thing that set me back was the worry that i might have gotten a question mixed up. the question was about 'sunat-sunat aba'adh', but long after i had finished the paper, i thought, "eh! alamak! me tulis pasal sunat2 aba'adh ke hai'aat??!! oh no!"
even though i never like doing essay questions, i like getting all the points in. i like the feeling of completing the question with points and examples, in paragraph and neat writing. of course, by the end of the paper, my palms were all sweaty, hands tired. but i thought it was worth it. =)
expectation: at least, A2.
what i got: suprise, suprise! i got B3. disappointing huh?
comments: i acted as if i didnt care getting a B for IRK. many people are suprised, of course. me, top student, got B for IRK??? what had she done? written lengthy answers to show off her knowledge? hmmm... i didnt know whether my paper 2 was the cause, or paper 1. but i had thought that i did well in paper 2. i hope you're not calling me 'over-confident' ok? coz i am NEVER over-confident. over-confidence scares me, so sometimes i even try not to be confident!
so, my advice for those who want to take IRK is, READ THE IRK BOOKS NOW! not on the night before the exam! that would be...SUICIDAL! haha. plus, take note of the definitions and procedures of things, eg. fardhu kifayah, fardhu ain, manasik haji..all the rukuns and sunats, syarats etc etc..better memorize them..what is takwa? what is al-sirat?..apakah perbezaan solat jumaat dgn solat lima waktu?...apakah sumbangan umar semasa beliau menjadi khalifah?..apakah denda2 yang dikenakan bg kesalahan2 yang dibuat semasa haji?..riwayat hidup harun al-rasyid...all these, you must know and memorize, or at least, understand.. it's not that difficult! in fact, you CAN score A1 for IRK easily, provided if you read the books and understand and remember the facts. some of the facts are written in point forms..so it's easier..
what else? hmmm...oh! stick to the question. =) dont get far-fetched or anything. and please write neatly and clearly. and not-too-long paragraphs!
yep. i guess that's all.
oh! and maybe you'd like to test yourself. ask a friend to help you: he/she ask you questions, and you answer; it'll be like a quiz. that was what i did. plus, you can also get a group of friends to discuss the subject. do practice sheets n mock exam papers.
yeah...so if you have other questions or doubts, just email me ok? i'll try my best to help you. =)
*hmm..im still not ok with my IRK result. i strongly believe i can do better. so, im thinking of re-taking it. but i still havent discussed with my parents. i bet they wont encourage me to re-take the subject. waste of time and energy, the might call it. hmm..if im not allowed to re-take, i can do nothing but accept my current result. i think i can live with it..sigh~*
oh well, teachers and friends had told me to write the answers succinctly, straight-to-the-point, according to the questions. yeah, that's the main rule when you do the IRK papers. i dont know, maybe i did cross the line a bit and write unnecessary stuff, not that i would be aware of it, coz who knows which points are necessary, and which arent, to the examiners!
ISLAMIC RELIGIOUS KNOWLEDGE paper 2 - you know, i never did finish the IRK sec4 book. (fyi, there are 2 books, green - sec3 and blue - sec4). i didnt even touch the 4 caliphs part, let alone the umaiyyah and abbasiyah period. haha.. so i had to rely on my knowledge from my thick islamic history school book. the problem is, my school book covered more info than the IRK books. that was where the cofusion comes in; which info is in the IRK books and which isnt. mixed up!
needless to say, i was kind of panic on the night of the IRK exam. another minus point was that the exam was on the second day of hari raya!! so i brought my IRK book along with me on the first hari raya day. but there wasnt much privacy or time to read the book peacefully or memorize the facts. so in the end, it was only the morning of the exam that i was able to sit down and force the facts into my head, in approximately 5 hours! can you imagine memorizing 206 pages of info in 5 hours??? not that i managed to, of course. i didnt even get to re-read the 1st book too! so i only hoped that i wouldnt forget whatever i had learnt in the 1st book, hoped that my memory was still good.
anyway, suprisingly - again! - IRK paper 2 was a breeze. alhamdulillah~~ i wouldnt say it was a totally, absolutely smooth ride. but it was definitely better than paper 1. the only thing that set me back was the worry that i might have gotten a question mixed up. the question was about 'sunat-sunat aba'adh', but long after i had finished the paper, i thought, "eh! alamak! me tulis pasal sunat2 aba'adh ke hai'aat??!! oh no!"
even though i never like doing essay questions, i like getting all the points in. i like the feeling of completing the question with points and examples, in paragraph and neat writing. of course, by the end of the paper, my palms were all sweaty, hands tired. but i thought it was worth it. =)
expectation: at least, A2.
what i got: suprise, suprise! i got B3. disappointing huh?
comments: i acted as if i didnt care getting a B for IRK. many people are suprised, of course. me, top student, got B for IRK??? what had she done? written lengthy answers to show off her knowledge? hmmm... i didnt know whether my paper 2 was the cause, or paper 1. but i had thought that i did well in paper 2. i hope you're not calling me 'over-confident' ok? coz i am NEVER over-confident. over-confidence scares me, so sometimes i even try not to be confident!
so, my advice for those who want to take IRK is, READ THE IRK BOOKS NOW! not on the night before the exam! that would be...SUICIDAL! haha. plus, take note of the definitions and procedures of things, eg. fardhu kifayah, fardhu ain, manasik haji..all the rukuns and sunats, syarats etc etc..better memorize them..what is takwa? what is al-sirat?..apakah perbezaan solat jumaat dgn solat lima waktu?...apakah sumbangan umar semasa beliau menjadi khalifah?..apakah denda2 yang dikenakan bg kesalahan2 yang dibuat semasa haji?..riwayat hidup harun al-rasyid...all these, you must know and memorize, or at least, understand.. it's not that difficult! in fact, you CAN score A1 for IRK easily, provided if you read the books and understand and remember the facts. some of the facts are written in point forms..so it's easier..
what else? hmmm...oh! stick to the question. =) dont get far-fetched or anything. and please write neatly and clearly. and not-too-long paragraphs!
yep. i guess that's all.
oh! and maybe you'd like to test yourself. ask a friend to help you: he/she ask you questions, and you answer; it'll be like a quiz. that was what i did. plus, you can also get a group of friends to discuss the subject. do practice sheets n mock exam papers.
yeah...so if you have other questions or doubts, just email me ok? i'll try my best to help you. =)
*hmm..im still not ok with my IRK result. i strongly believe i can do better. so, im thinking of re-taking it. but i still havent discussed with my parents. i bet they wont encourage me to re-take the subject. waste of time and energy, the might call it. hmm..if im not allowed to re-take, i can do nothing but accept my current result. i think i can live with it..sigh~*
i deserve that! (part 1)
hey there. the o level result was more than 2 weeks ago - and the exam itself was 4 months ago - and it's only now that im going to share with you what i got for 0 level 2005.
ARABIC paper 1 - the language centre where we sat for that paper was packed with madrasah students.. personally, i was glad coz i got to meet my other madrasah friends; a few of them whom i had not seen for quite a long time. anyway, problems are always around, and at that time, it was the arabic letter format. so many 'versions': the wehdah's version, the mwti's version, our arabic textbook's version, our teacher's version.. needless to say, it was quite confusing. and at one moment we remembered the format, the next moment we forgot. then we had to remind each other the format.. really really cumbersome!
i chose to write a letter for section A. i had no other choice! i didnt really know the dialogue and report format. during all those arabic periods in alsagoff, we focused mainly on letter-writing, not dialogue, not report.
haha. i thought i'd be mature in this. i thought i could write a good essay, a sec-4 standard essay. but i was wrong! i didnt know (or maybe forgot) simple words like actors and host! i even forgot what 'media massa' is in arabic!!! really, man! i hate it when i forgot important words at the very moment that i needed them! it was like my brain became totally blank or something! about the content part, i dont know.. in my opinion, it wasnt enough.
so, i thought i had blown my arabic paper 1. and thus, thinning my chances of getting a nice A for Arabic.
ARABIC paper 2 - translation and reading comprehension. months before the exam, i was, frankly speaking, jealous of those wehdah kids with their quite-thick vocabulary and translation books. plus those kids in ust zauwiah's IRK class, in which ust zauwiah had taken an extra mile to help them with Arabic too. whereas i, not a wehdah kid and not in ust zauwiah's class, thought i've got less 'materials' and that they have better chances of scoring the translation part than me. sad case huh? pathetic! i know i should've helped myself more, 'usaha lebih'..pandai2 ah..
suprisingly, i found the translation part easy! yes, easy indeed! of course, there were words that i didnt know their meanings, but it was all ok. 'عقدا' ' الماس' 'جوهرات' ' قبعة'... 'meditating', 'extraordinary powers', 'acquired', 'ferryman'...all these words i had trouble with, trying to decide which word translates each of them best. plus, i found the two short passages (one is to be translated into English, the other Arabic) interesting and funny! =)
and all those times i did comprehension practices and exams in alsagoff, what i did was totally 'un-sec4': cut and paste, it had become a habit. though i usually scored high for my Arabic paper in school, i did feel i twang of guilt whenever i scanned through the comprehension part.
but i knew better than to 'cut and paste' in Arabic paper 2 comprehension. it was quite hard to rearrange the words, or sometimes use the 'mufradats' (kata seerti) - as my arabic vocab was quite poor - so it would look as if i didnt cut and paste the answers.
the comprehension passage was interesting too! it was about a man who cheated on his friend, who had asked him to keep his basket of olives while he was away for 7 years. there were 'جنيهات' of gold under the olives. and when the man found them, he took and hid them away and replaced the now rotten olives with new ones. i wont tell you what happened next; guess it yourself! hehe~
expectation: i hoped for, at least, B3.
what i got: A1! A1! A1! masya Allah, subhanallah!! i was very happy indeed!
ARABIC paper 1 - the language centre where we sat for that paper was packed with madrasah students.. personally, i was glad coz i got to meet my other madrasah friends; a few of them whom i had not seen for quite a long time. anyway, problems are always around, and at that time, it was the arabic letter format. so many 'versions': the wehdah's version, the mwti's version, our arabic textbook's version, our teacher's version.. needless to say, it was quite confusing. and at one moment we remembered the format, the next moment we forgot. then we had to remind each other the format.. really really cumbersome!
i chose to write a letter for section A. i had no other choice! i didnt really know the dialogue and report format. during all those arabic periods in alsagoff, we focused mainly on letter-writing, not dialogue, not report.
اكتب رسالة الى اخيك الذى يدرس فى الخارج لتهنّئه على نجاحه فى امتحاناته
Write a letter to your brother who is studying abroad to congratulate him on his success in his examinations.
the letter was ok i guess. except for good vocabulary, i think my content was good.
the topic that i chose in section B was difficult though. i didnt want to do narrative nor descriptive, so i settled on..err..im not sure in which category the title is, expository or argumentative..you decide yourself.
فى رأيك ما تأثيرات التلفاز فى مجتمعنا؟
What according to you is the influence of television on our society?
haha. i thought i'd be mature in this. i thought i could write a good essay, a sec-4 standard essay. but i was wrong! i didnt know (or maybe forgot) simple words like actors and host! i even forgot what 'media massa' is in arabic!!! really, man! i hate it when i forgot important words at the very moment that i needed them! it was like my brain became totally blank or something! about the content part, i dont know.. in my opinion, it wasnt enough.
so, i thought i had blown my arabic paper 1. and thus, thinning my chances of getting a nice A for Arabic.
ARABIC paper 2 - translation and reading comprehension. months before the exam, i was, frankly speaking, jealous of those wehdah kids with their quite-thick vocabulary and translation books. plus those kids in ust zauwiah's IRK class, in which ust zauwiah had taken an extra mile to help them with Arabic too. whereas i, not a wehdah kid and not in ust zauwiah's class, thought i've got less 'materials' and that they have better chances of scoring the translation part than me. sad case huh? pathetic! i know i should've helped myself more, 'usaha lebih'..pandai2 ah..
suprisingly, i found the translation part easy! yes, easy indeed! of course, there were words that i didnt know their meanings, but it was all ok. 'عقدا' ' الماس' 'جوهرات' ' قبعة'... 'meditating', 'extraordinary powers', 'acquired', 'ferryman'...all these words i had trouble with, trying to decide which word translates each of them best. plus, i found the two short passages (one is to be translated into English, the other Arabic) interesting and funny! =)
and all those times i did comprehension practices and exams in alsagoff, what i did was totally 'un-sec4': cut and paste, it had become a habit. though i usually scored high for my Arabic paper in school, i did feel i twang of guilt whenever i scanned through the comprehension part.
but i knew better than to 'cut and paste' in Arabic paper 2 comprehension. it was quite hard to rearrange the words, or sometimes use the 'mufradats' (kata seerti) - as my arabic vocab was quite poor - so it would look as if i didnt cut and paste the answers.
the comprehension passage was interesting too! it was about a man who cheated on his friend, who had asked him to keep his basket of olives while he was away for 7 years. there were 'جنيهات' of gold under the olives. and when the man found them, he took and hid them away and replaced the now rotten olives with new ones. i wont tell you what happened next; guess it yourself! hehe~
expectation: i hoped for, at least, B3.
what i got: A1! A1! A1! masya Allah, subhanallah!! i was very happy indeed!
being a tutor.
my aunt asked me to teach her daughter math, to prepare her for the PSLE.
yeah, right. as if im qualified n patient enough to teach.
but im glad to do it, anyway!
the problem is, i dont know whether whatever that i teach will stick in her head until the end of this year.
another problem is, im the kind of person who cakap/exlain berbelit-belit. so, most of the time, people dont understand what im trying to convey.
the other problem is that, im not organized and do things right to the last minute.
like just now. i was supposed to be ready for my first lesson since last sunday. so i had, like, 6 days to prepare: set the materials, arrange them, determine which part of the lesson to start first, strategize..
it was ok, i guess. the thing is, my cousin ni da ada tuition dgn mendaki. n our 'appointment' is 2h 30 min after her mendaki tuition. takut dia lose concentration je..
ibunya pula semangat belikan assessment books. that's the other thing i worry about. she may not be rajin enough to carefully read those revision books and practise what she's learnt..beli buku assessment banyak2 tapi tk digunakan sgt buat apa??
so, it is my job to encourage n motivate her, n make sure that she does the exercises regularly.
other than math, im going to try teaching her english n science. not that im very good at both of the subjects.. n im trying to figure out the best way to teach her those subjects..you know, to get the info n facts into her long-term memory. and to make sure she understands the concepts and experiments..
i know i must help her. i will be guilty if i dont help her. yelah, kita ada kelebihan, tkkn nk simpan sendiri.. cuba ajar dan pass kemahiran yg kita ada kepada org lain..
i remembered substituting for ust faridah last year. she teaches at madrasah mingguan masjid abdul aleem siddique. one day, she was unable to come coz she was sick. i was suprised when she called me. yelah, tk pernah2.. dah lah me tk pernah mengajar budak2 luar. then, she told me pelajar2 tu semuanye remaja. haiz~~ so, me tanye ust macam2! didnt want to miss anything that might be important.
hehe~ gabrah pon ade jugak ah..
and so, hari tu: ok ar...weird jugak..tk kenal sape2 kt situ, except for satu kakak ex-sagoff ni. me sampai siang. sampai sana langsung tkde org..so me duduk kt bustop dulu. 15-20 min went by baru me masuk perkarangan wehdah balik. yep, kelasnye diadakan di bangunan wehdah..
errr... me malas ar nk cerita panjang2. kisah nie dah lama pon. so, dipendekkan cerita, it went ok. except for a few older n bored students who obviously came to kill time, the other students were 'sporting'. =) cakap pasal older students tu, diorang tu mat2 yang mungkin ibu2 diorang suruh dtg..jadi diorang duduk satu corner. i even said to the class, "sape yg tkde mood nk belajar, duduk kt belakang ye.. n buat hal korang sendiri."
kelas tu campur lelaki n perempuan, so diri ni agak teruji laaa.. tp me mmg sungguh tk heran pasal mat2 tu semua.. tp ada jugak pelajar lain yg cute! HAHAHAHAHAHA.. *ish! sampai ke situ plak kau ni!* pelajar perempuan ok je.. mmg ada la yg tk enthusiastic, tp gasak diorang la..
fyi, the class started at 8 am if im not mistaken (it was a SUNDAY! kena keluar rumah pukul 6 lebih!!!) n ada dua kelas. satu kelas pukul 8-10.30, lagi satu 10.30-1. ada termasuk rehat sekali ar... i liked the first class better. masa second class tu, me dapat berbual dgn pelajar2 perempuan pasal isu tudung, aurat.. it was good la.. i got to share my opinion n advice with them. i hope they got the message, even if it's little.
it was tiring of course, by 10 something, my voice became hoarse (or is it 'coarse'?? is there such a word?). fuyo! susah sey...nk kena cakap loudly so the students tk doze off.. nk kena dapatkn perhatian diorang pon susah jugak. haiz~~ frankly speaking, my classmates are better than them!
on that day, baru me betul2 sedar betapa susahnye jadi guru. yep. i can just imagine..
anyway, anyway, anyway... i hope i can make a difference by helping my cousin.. i hope i'll make a good job. *sigh* seriously, i still think this teaching stuff is not my cup of tea. i told my friends that!
yeah, right. as if im qualified n patient enough to teach.
but im glad to do it, anyway!
the problem is, i dont know whether whatever that i teach will stick in her head until the end of this year.
another problem is, im the kind of person who cakap/exlain berbelit-belit. so, most of the time, people dont understand what im trying to convey.
the other problem is that, im not organized and do things right to the last minute.
like just now. i was supposed to be ready for my first lesson since last sunday. so i had, like, 6 days to prepare: set the materials, arrange them, determine which part of the lesson to start first, strategize..
it was ok, i guess. the thing is, my cousin ni da ada tuition dgn mendaki. n our 'appointment' is 2h 30 min after her mendaki tuition. takut dia lose concentration je..
ibunya pula semangat belikan assessment books. that's the other thing i worry about. she may not be rajin enough to carefully read those revision books and practise what she's learnt..beli buku assessment banyak2 tapi tk digunakan sgt buat apa??
so, it is my job to encourage n motivate her, n make sure that she does the exercises regularly.
other than math, im going to try teaching her english n science. not that im very good at both of the subjects.. n im trying to figure out the best way to teach her those subjects..you know, to get the info n facts into her long-term memory. and to make sure she understands the concepts and experiments..
i know i must help her. i will be guilty if i dont help her. yelah, kita ada kelebihan, tkkn nk simpan sendiri.. cuba ajar dan pass kemahiran yg kita ada kepada org lain..
i remembered substituting for ust faridah last year. she teaches at madrasah mingguan masjid abdul aleem siddique. one day, she was unable to come coz she was sick. i was suprised when she called me. yelah, tk pernah2.. dah lah me tk pernah mengajar budak2 luar. then, she told me pelajar2 tu semuanye remaja. haiz~~ so, me tanye ust macam2! didnt want to miss anything that might be important.
hehe~ gabrah pon ade jugak ah..
and so, hari tu: ok ar...weird jugak..tk kenal sape2 kt situ, except for satu kakak ex-sagoff ni. me sampai siang. sampai sana langsung tkde org..so me duduk kt bustop dulu. 15-20 min went by baru me masuk perkarangan wehdah balik. yep, kelasnye diadakan di bangunan wehdah..
errr... me malas ar nk cerita panjang2. kisah nie dah lama pon. so, dipendekkan cerita, it went ok. except for a few older n bored students who obviously came to kill time, the other students were 'sporting'. =) cakap pasal older students tu, diorang tu mat2 yang mungkin ibu2 diorang suruh dtg..jadi diorang duduk satu corner. i even said to the class, "sape yg tkde mood nk belajar, duduk kt belakang ye.. n buat hal korang sendiri."
kelas tu campur lelaki n perempuan, so diri ni agak teruji laaa.. tp me mmg sungguh tk heran pasal mat2 tu semua.. tp ada jugak pelajar lain yg cute! HAHAHAHAHAHA.. *ish! sampai ke situ plak kau ni!* pelajar perempuan ok je.. mmg ada la yg tk enthusiastic, tp gasak diorang la..
fyi, the class started at 8 am if im not mistaken (it was a SUNDAY! kena keluar rumah pukul 6 lebih!!!) n ada dua kelas. satu kelas pukul 8-10.30, lagi satu 10.30-1. ada termasuk rehat sekali ar... i liked the first class better. masa second class tu, me dapat berbual dgn pelajar2 perempuan pasal isu tudung, aurat.. it was good la.. i got to share my opinion n advice with them. i hope they got the message, even if it's little.
it was tiring of course, by 10 something, my voice became hoarse (or is it 'coarse'?? is there such a word?). fuyo! susah sey...nk kena cakap loudly so the students tk doze off.. nk kena dapatkn perhatian diorang pon susah jugak. haiz~~ frankly speaking, my classmates are better than them!
on that day, baru me betul2 sedar betapa susahnye jadi guru. yep. i can just imagine..
anyway, anyway, anyway... i hope i can make a difference by helping my cousin.. i hope i'll make a good job. *sigh* seriously, i still think this teaching stuff is not my cup of tea. i told my friends that!
a suprise card! ^_^
go here to view the card.
i got it from a good friend of mine =) =) =)
though the picture is umm..not 'suitable for my own viewing', the words ARE nice..
it's the thought that counts anyway!
thanks, my friend..!!
i got it from a good friend of mine =) =) =)
though the picture is umm..not 'suitable for my own viewing', the words ARE nice..
it's the thought that counts anyway!
thanks, my friend..!!
happy, happy جدا!!!
sorry people for my long absence. a lot has happened, of course: relite camp.. o level result.. my next move on the education path.. khatam quran.. an offer to do business.. tuition for my primary 6 cousin..
BUT!
im writing this entry now to announce that...
MY COMPUTER IS ARABIC FONT-ENABLED!!!!!!!!!!!! yey!!
hahahaha....you think my annoucement could've been something much significant n important?? nah~~
it's just that, i've been wanting arabic font.. and for the past..what? 6-7 years.. it was impossible. but now, i've found a way to enable the font!! plus, my brother had installed windows xp..so all i had to do was installing the complex scripts (hebrew, arabic etc etc).. n meddling some things..and voila! i got it! i got it!
sorry people, if you find my excitement a bit lame.. *i dont give a damn!*
ok, so..i'll write about the other stuff next time ya? i bet you've been wanting to know my o level result n all.. =)
BUT!
im writing this entry now to announce that...
MY COMPUTER IS ARABIC FONT-ENABLED!!!!!!!!!!!! yey!!
hahahaha....you think my annoucement could've been something much significant n important?? nah~~
it's just that, i've been wanting arabic font.. and for the past..what? 6-7 years.. it was impossible. but now, i've found a way to enable the font!! plus, my brother had installed windows xp..so all i had to do was installing the complex scripts (hebrew, arabic etc etc).. n meddling some things..and voila! i got it! i got it!
sorry people, if you find my excitement a bit lame.. *i dont give a damn!*
ok, so..i'll write about the other stuff next time ya? i bet you've been wanting to know my o level result n all.. =)
Sahabat... :'(
jika hari ini aku t'lalu gembira,
sedarkanlh aku dgn amaran2 Allah..
jika ku b'sedih tanpa kata,
pujuklh aku dgn tarbiah Pncipta..
jika aku lemah x b'daya,
ingtknlh aku dgn kehebatn syurga..
jika antara kita ada tembok yg memisahkn,
ajaklh aku meleraikn segera..
jika pernah hatimu t'luka,
luahknlh agr aku b'ubah..
& jika esk ku lena tanpa t'jaga,
iringlh lena ku dgn kalungan doa..
b'janjilh shbt,
ukhuwah kita utk slamany. "
sebuah sms yang me dapat dari seorang kawan... terima kasih, anti!
masya Allah~ twice i read it, and twice my eyes became teary. (the second time was in a bus.. nasib baik air mata tk keluar! tk ke paisey nanti..! setakat bergenang je...)
and as i read it again just now, and am writing this, with a secret garden song playing.. i feel sad, touched... terharu sangat sangat!
thanks my friend. terima kasih kerana sudi menghantar sms tu kt ana. even though i know very well that you are not the original writer of this sms, i appreciate it anyway.
you have no idea.
i didnt even reply. i just kept quiet.
someday, she will know how much i appreciate and cherish our friendship. i hope she will.
if it's not too late.
*teary eyes again*
this is it!
i didnt realise how long my msn conversation was until i scrolled down the previous entry! very long indeed! hmmm...sorry people if you found it 'melecehkan dan menyakitkan mata' to read it..
so, the rumour is true after all..now i can wait peacefully for the day - the MOMENT - to come.
yep.
i can wait. yet i CANT wait.. how's that??
nervous?
-wrecked???
scared?
worried?
anxious?
want to run away?
bury yourself and not face it?
what the heck!
no, no, no! you shouldnt be feeling all that. calm yourself dude! the worst will be over soon..
*s.i.l.e.n.t. p.r.a.y.e.r.*
i know You are with me in this.
let me be strong.
if im sad, dont let the sadness stay too long.
make it go away.
if im heartbroken and depressed, dont let it linger too long.
make it fade away.
whatever the outcome,
i know You've answered my prayer well,
with wisdom and knowledge.
coz You're the All-knowing, All-seeing.
And i know it's for the best.
for my own good.
a blessing in disguise.
~ ~ ~ i dont want to break down, and cry ~ ~ ~
so, the rumour is true after all..now i can wait peacefully for the day - the MOMENT - to come.
yep.
i can wait. yet i CANT wait.. how's that??
nervous?
-wrecked???
scared?
worried?
anxious?
want to run away?
bury yourself and not face it?
what the heck!
no, no, no! you shouldnt be feeling all that. calm yourself dude! the worst will be over soon..
*s.i.l.e.n.t. p.r.a.y.e.r.*
i know You are with me in this.
let me be strong.
if im sad, dont let the sadness stay too long.
make it go away.
if im heartbroken and depressed, dont let it linger too long.
make it fade away.
whatever the outcome,
i know You've answered my prayer well,
with wisdom and knowledge.
coz You're the All-knowing, All-seeing.
And i know it's for the best.
for my own good.
a blessing in disguise.
~ ~ ~ i dont want to break down, and cry ~ ~ ~
a piece of answer..
alhamdulillah~~ i believe Allah has finally shown me the way. i mean, not totally 'finally'... it's more like i've been given the first 'clue' as to where im going to pursue my studies... get my point?
*one option's been crossed off*
you know, it's been VERY VERY VERY VERY hard for me to even think for a minute or two about where im going to pursue my studies. so most of the time, i try to avoid the subject. as days went by - since i finished my o level exams - it got more n more difficult for me to answer the most popular question of all: "nak sambung kt mana?"
so, i've set my standard answer to that: "belum tahu lagi." though i get sick myself for answering that answer. i mean, i kept thinking - and still am - "are you sure you dont know?? you dont have any idea??? well, then, if you dont, YOU BETTER ACT NOW! sampai bila kau nak cakap 'belum tahu lagi'... dont just sit and wait!" yeah...i feel hopeless sometimes.. thinking about this..
of course, i've prayed, 've been praying..and pleading..that Allah will guide me and show me the way.. what's His choice for me..where's the best place for me.. although.... - im not ashamed to say this - although sometimes i get tired and discouraged..and hopeless again. i try not to complain..i know this is the devil's work, trying to make me lose my faith, inconsistent in praying..but im not giving up. not giving in.
i cried, yes. as i said, it's HARD for me..in this situation..
and sometimes, i feel that im not putting much effort. you know.."doa tapi tk berusaha, tk berguna!".. maybe im not finding the answer hard enough. i should've surfed the net..checked out schools..done a few surveys and enquiries..much earlier. but, i just didnt have the mood or enthusiasm to do so. but im not a total lazy bum ok? nor do i "menantikan nasi disajikan ke mulut"!
i've laid out a few options. just a few. but now it seems like i have none. hey! im not saying that i DONT have any options left a.k.a clueless, but it just seems like it. or feel like it.
you see, my main problem here is INTEREST and STUDY. im such a GODDAMN boring person, "SUNGGUH JUMUD, BEKU!", that i dont know what im actually interested in and that includes what course of study i want to do. i keep saying - or aking: "WHAT DO I WANT? WHAT DO I LIKE? DONT I HAVE ANY CLUE?"
and im worried that i - or rather, my parents - will not have enough money to send me to a good insitution. what about scholarships, you ask? "kan anti pandai..you have the brains n talents.. result mesti bagus punye.." yeah, right! WHAT IF someone else deserves it more than i do? WHAT IF i dont meet the requirements? WHAT IF the scholarship people think that my parent earns enough - or more than enough - to support my studies? WHAT IF i dont get a good o level result? WHAT IF the due date for application has come and gone?
money, money, money...even though i've been saving up since secondary 1 or 2.. i still dont have enough money. coz the money's been spent somewhere else.. but NOT for selfish reasons, ok?! hmmm.. when i think again, maybe i should've tied myself, prevented myself totally from a few treats and stuff. i shouldnt have spent NOTHING for myself. that would've saved some of the money. but still... i have responsibilities. i cannot be selfish. i must help my family. im a good girl, aint i? i must help. i cannot keep my money hidden when my parents are financially troubled.. hmmm..so i guess, my savings all those years couldnt help me pay my registration fee, let alone tuition fees!...
OH HECK! WHAT HAVE I BLABBERED HERE??!! i dont want to complain..i dont want to sound like im complaining..or seeking sympathy..IM NOT! i just writing this so i can be more acceptable of it.. so i know my own tangled feelings, long stashed somewhere in my head.
there's more..but im writing nothing else about WHAT I FEEL, WHAT I THINK coz im lost for words. you should know by now that im not good at describing, putting my feelings and thoughts into words. that's why my essays are never good enough.
anyway, enough self-pity! read the conversation below if you want to know how i got my first clue. it was between me and my senior, on sunday. night.
[SORRY, THE CONVERSATION HAS BEEN DELETED UPON REQUEST]
and so, i've made a decision not to go to IIS. i've asked Allah to "tetapkan hati ini bila Engkau telah menunjukkan jawapannya, agar aku tidak berubah hati, tidak dipengaruhi oleh bisikan syaitan yang sentiasa ingin menanamkan keraguan..." as im writing this, i still stand firm to my decision. and im praying that Allah will show me more 'clues' leading to the final answer..
"Ya Allah, jika jawapanMu hampir atau sudah berada di hadapanku, maka terangkanlah mataku dan hatiku untuk melihatnya..."
*one option's been crossed off*
you know, it's been VERY VERY VERY VERY hard for me to even think for a minute or two about where im going to pursue my studies. so most of the time, i try to avoid the subject. as days went by - since i finished my o level exams - it got more n more difficult for me to answer the most popular question of all: "nak sambung kt mana?"
so, i've set my standard answer to that: "belum tahu lagi." though i get sick myself for answering that answer. i mean, i kept thinking - and still am - "are you sure you dont know?? you dont have any idea??? well, then, if you dont, YOU BETTER ACT NOW! sampai bila kau nak cakap 'belum tahu lagi'... dont just sit and wait!" yeah...i feel hopeless sometimes.. thinking about this..
of course, i've prayed, 've been praying..and pleading..that Allah will guide me and show me the way.. what's His choice for me..where's the best place for me.. although.... - im not ashamed to say this - although sometimes i get tired and discouraged..and hopeless again. i try not to complain..i know this is the devil's work, trying to make me lose my faith, inconsistent in praying..but im not giving up. not giving in.
i cried, yes. as i said, it's HARD for me..in this situation..
and sometimes, i feel that im not putting much effort. you know.."doa tapi tk berusaha, tk berguna!".. maybe im not finding the answer hard enough. i should've surfed the net..checked out schools..done a few surveys and enquiries..much earlier. but, i just didnt have the mood or enthusiasm to do so. but im not a total lazy bum ok? nor do i "menantikan nasi disajikan ke mulut"!
i've laid out a few options. just a few. but now it seems like i have none. hey! im not saying that i DONT have any options left a.k.a clueless, but it just seems like it. or feel like it.
you see, my main problem here is INTEREST and STUDY. im such a GODDAMN boring person, "SUNGGUH JUMUD, BEKU!", that i dont know what im actually interested in and that includes what course of study i want to do. i keep saying - or aking: "WHAT DO I WANT? WHAT DO I LIKE? DONT I HAVE ANY CLUE?"
and im worried that i - or rather, my parents - will not have enough money to send me to a good insitution. what about scholarships, you ask? "kan anti pandai..you have the brains n talents.. result mesti bagus punye.." yeah, right! WHAT IF someone else deserves it more than i do? WHAT IF i dont meet the requirements? WHAT IF the scholarship people think that my parent earns enough - or more than enough - to support my studies? WHAT IF i dont get a good o level result? WHAT IF the due date for application has come and gone?
money, money, money...even though i've been saving up since secondary 1 or 2.. i still dont have enough money. coz the money's been spent somewhere else.. but NOT for selfish reasons, ok?! hmmm.. when i think again, maybe i should've tied myself, prevented myself totally from a few treats and stuff. i shouldnt have spent NOTHING for myself. that would've saved some of the money. but still... i have responsibilities. i cannot be selfish. i must help my family. im a good girl, aint i? i must help. i cannot keep my money hidden when my parents are financially troubled.. hmmm..so i guess, my savings all those years couldnt help me pay my registration fee, let alone tuition fees!...
OH HECK! WHAT HAVE I BLABBERED HERE??!! i dont want to complain..i dont want to sound like im complaining..or seeking sympathy..IM NOT! i just writing this so i can be more acceptable of it.. so i know my own tangled feelings, long stashed somewhere in my head.
there's more..but im writing nothing else about WHAT I FEEL, WHAT I THINK coz im lost for words. you should know by now that im not good at describing, putting my feelings and thoughts into words. that's why my essays are never good enough.
anyway, enough self-pity! read the conversation below if you want to know how i got my first clue. it was between me and my senior, on sunday. night.
[SORRY, THE CONVERSATION HAS BEEN DELETED UPON REQUEST]
and so, i've made a decision not to go to IIS. i've asked Allah to "tetapkan hati ini bila Engkau telah menunjukkan jawapannya, agar aku tidak berubah hati, tidak dipengaruhi oleh bisikan syaitan yang sentiasa ingin menanamkan keraguan..." as im writing this, i still stand firm to my decision. and im praying that Allah will show me more 'clues' leading to the final answer..
"Ya Allah, jika jawapanMu hampir atau sudah berada di hadapanku, maka terangkanlah mataku dan hatiku untuk melihatnya..."
no, no, NO! IT CAN'T BE!!
i've just read aszafirah's latest entry.
she wrote that the results are coming out THIS monday! THIS COMING MONDAY!
I. DONT. BELIEVE. IT.
nope...im soooo not believing it.
well, she wrote that 'we' have received the pincodes. who the hell is 'we'?? maybe she and her classmates have got the pincodes, coz I sure havent!
you see, there's been rumours flying around since january. some say it's on the 6th, 10th, 15th... the usual date is somewhere in late february n early march, right?? but i dont deny that maybe the results are coming out early coz the jcs/polytechnics admissions are now early too...right??
anyway, when i saw the word "this monday"...suddenly, there was a knot in my stomach, and there still is. there's a bit of adrenaline rush too...suddenly i was scared. a bit. and nervous. haiz~ i wonder if i'll be able to sleep on the eve of the BIG day... ?_?
whenever the BIG day is, it is going to come and go. i am going to receive my result slip, no matter if i try to jinx it away or something.. and i am going to face the ultimate truth.
prepare for the worst.
she wrote that the results are coming out THIS monday! THIS COMING MONDAY!
I. DONT. BELIEVE. IT.
nope...im soooo not believing it.
well, she wrote that 'we' have received the pincodes. who the hell is 'we'?? maybe she and her classmates have got the pincodes, coz I sure havent!
you see, there's been rumours flying around since january. some say it's on the 6th, 10th, 15th... the usual date is somewhere in late february n early march, right?? but i dont deny that maybe the results are coming out early coz the jcs/polytechnics admissions are now early too...right??
anyway, when i saw the word "this monday"...suddenly, there was a knot in my stomach, and there still is. there's a bit of adrenaline rush too...suddenly i was scared. a bit. and nervous. haiz~ i wonder if i'll be able to sleep on the eve of the BIG day... ?_?
whenever the BIG day is, it is going to come and go. i am going to receive my result slip, no matter if i try to jinx it away or something.. and i am going to face the ultimate truth.
prepare for the worst.
researches and finds
madrasah wak tanjong has been selected to participate in an arabic debate competition in malaysia. n if im not mistaken, the competitors come from around this region and are students from higher institutions. pretty scary huh? i mean, no one would've expected a madrasah from singapore to be chosen, as we're still lacking of the essential skills and experience. but at the same time, it IS an honour for this proves that our madrasahs are recognized by the 'outside' authorities, and are fit to compete in what i'd say a difficult level.
anyway, im trying to help adilah find the relevant information for the debate. she told me it's about 'terrorism'...'irhab' or 'ihrab'..cant remember..eh! fyi, adilah's schooling in mwti and she's one of the 'rakan bahas'. they're not the debaters, but rather 'mock debaters', who help the debaters do research, practise, etc etc. i was excited when i got to know about the debate, and even though im not an mwti-an, i DO want to help.
finding the sufficient and credible information, plus making sure that its sources are reliable, is somewhat tedious and time-consuming to me. and confusing too. coz the themes of debates are usually..well, wide. so, the information found must at least cover most of the aspects of the theme(s). another problem is that we dont really know where to start, how to start putting information into one solid, sensible piece, and how to grasp and 'feel' the idea of what we're supposed to hold/defend.
i've had my own experience in this debate thingy, and both of the times weren't good. according to my calculation, they were TERRIBLE. but i must admit, i learn quite a LOT about debating. and let me tell you something, i even have a secret wish: that one day i'll be able to participate in the 4PM debate. but since im not entering pre-u here, so my dream is just a dream. actually, im kinda afraid to perticipate in any debate competition, coz i may embarrass myself again.
*_*
anyway, im trying to help adilah find the relevant information for the debate. she told me it's about 'terrorism'...'irhab' or 'ihrab'..cant remember..eh! fyi, adilah's schooling in mwti and she's one of the 'rakan bahas'. they're not the debaters, but rather 'mock debaters', who help the debaters do research, practise, etc etc. i was excited when i got to know about the debate, and even though im not an mwti-an, i DO want to help.
finding the sufficient and credible information, plus making sure that its sources are reliable, is somewhat tedious and time-consuming to me. and confusing too. coz the themes of debates are usually..well, wide. so, the information found must at least cover most of the aspects of the theme(s). another problem is that we dont really know where to start, how to start putting information into one solid, sensible piece, and how to grasp and 'feel' the idea of what we're supposed to hold/defend.
i've had my own experience in this debate thingy, and both of the times weren't good. according to my calculation, they were TERRIBLE. but i must admit, i learn quite a LOT about debating. and let me tell you something, i even have a secret wish: that one day i'll be able to participate in the 4PM debate. but since im not entering pre-u here, so my dream is just a dream. actually, im kinda afraid to perticipate in any debate competition, coz i may embarrass myself again.
*_*
miscellaneous
This month's been mundane. Yep. It has been. Im not complaining though. Coz I, too, am a mundane person! =)
My chicken pox is officially gone. But not completely ok? What I mean is, the virus's dead but the scars remain. I had said to myself not to peel the dry 'kudis', but I did anyway. It was very tempting, you know! Once I started, I kept peeling another one, and another one..bad, bad me! N now, there's not much left to peel.. good thing ah..
I didn't go out of my house for days..more than 14 days! When I finally got to go out – to buy something – I was like.. "ohhhhhh! Im soooo relieved! Im sooo happy! Finally, I can breathe the fresh air!”though I was only going to the shop near my house, I felt kinda excited! Can you believe it? Me, excited to go to the shop?? The next time I went out was last Tuesday – tibyan class. Again, I was happy to leave the house. Then, went to somewhere even further, i.e. mks *all smiles!*
Speaking of mks, im less than 10 (or even 5) steps away to complete the first leg of the my quest. (isy~ apa aku merepek!)..nvm, nvm, if you don't understand what im saying, it's better! Niwei, I just cant wait for the time to come.. but on the other hand, im not trying to speed things up. Instead, I keep saying, "nanti me hafal..nanti me hafal..”another thing that's been bugging me is the sort-of promise to invite my tahfiz friends to that 'auspicious' day..actually, honestly, I want to do it myself. On my own. Without many people around. Just ustaz, me and whoever yg dtg tasmi' masa tu.. but since kak halimah has insisted, n other students have known about it and cant wait to be part of it, I will have to relent, right?? **BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!**
Oh! 2 of my classmates called. Very very nice of them! I mean, people usually call me for a main reason, i.e. ask this, ask that, inform this, inform that.. and im the kind of person who don't entertain callers who call to ask, "how are you?”..alah~ mcm bestfriends selalu buat ar..berbual berjam2, cakap pasal kejadian hari nie etc etc.
So, when 'afeyah n huda called, I expected that they had something to ask/inform me. But no, they asked, "anti ape khabar??...dah sihat?..dah lama sey tak jumpa..”..n the conversation went from there..surprisingly, I was totally ok with it. My conversation with 'afeyah lasted for about..I dunno, maybe 40minutes-1hour, while I talked to huda for 1 hour and 10 minutes! Haiz~ ape ajelah yg kita bualkan?!
Another huda also called..haiz~ baik pulak budak nie nak call! Padahal me cuma sms dia tanya pasal prisma n muraqibah umum..well, our conversation was ok. No awkwardness..*grins*..that one lasted for 1 hour too! N then, me berbual dgn kak mardhyiah pon boleh tahan lama! Alahai, liyana~ sejak bila kau berbual lama2 kt talipon nie!
Me jumpe liyana rahaim kt dlm mrt, on my way to mks, hari khamis yang baru lepas nie..fuyo! Happy sgt2 dpt jumpe dia..me nmpk kelibat aszafirah tgh tunggu mrt kt platform tu..tp jauh ah nk tegur.. hmmm.. it was quite a strange feeling for me, felt good though. Hmmm.. sometimes you don't know how much you miss a person until you see him/her again. So, yeah.. when I saw liyana n talked to her a bit, I realized that I've missed her and all my other classmates! Oh!! I really cant wait to see them again!
Thinking about my friends and school, and looking at the pictures of my secondary-school days, can really bring tears to my eyes. It's kinda weird; me feeling all sad n teary. Sentimental! It's soooo unlike me..
Oh well~ what can I say.. those days are now behind me. But the memories will linger forever..(hopefully!)..n the future? Nah.. I don't want to talk about it. I'll share with you my thoughts about MY future next time..
My chicken pox is officially gone. But not completely ok? What I mean is, the virus's dead but the scars remain. I had said to myself not to peel the dry 'kudis', but I did anyway. It was very tempting, you know! Once I started, I kept peeling another one, and another one..bad, bad me! N now, there's not much left to peel.. good thing ah..
I didn't go out of my house for days..more than 14 days! When I finally got to go out – to buy something – I was like.. "ohhhhhh! Im soooo relieved! Im sooo happy! Finally, I can breathe the fresh air!”though I was only going to the shop near my house, I felt kinda excited! Can you believe it? Me, excited to go to the shop?? The next time I went out was last Tuesday – tibyan class. Again, I was happy to leave the house. Then, went to somewhere even further, i.e. mks *all smiles!*
Speaking of mks, im less than 10 (or even 5) steps away to complete the first leg of the my quest. (isy~ apa aku merepek!)..nvm, nvm, if you don't understand what im saying, it's better! Niwei, I just cant wait for the time to come.. but on the other hand, im not trying to speed things up. Instead, I keep saying, "nanti me hafal..nanti me hafal..”another thing that's been bugging me is the sort-of promise to invite my tahfiz friends to that 'auspicious' day..actually, honestly, I want to do it myself. On my own. Without many people around. Just ustaz, me and whoever yg dtg tasmi' masa tu.. but since kak halimah has insisted, n other students have known about it and cant wait to be part of it, I will have to relent, right?? **BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!**
Oh! 2 of my classmates called. Very very nice of them! I mean, people usually call me for a main reason, i.e. ask this, ask that, inform this, inform that.. and im the kind of person who don't entertain callers who call to ask, "how are you?”..alah~ mcm bestfriends selalu buat ar..berbual berjam2, cakap pasal kejadian hari nie etc etc.
So, when 'afeyah n huda called, I expected that they had something to ask/inform me. But no, they asked, "anti ape khabar??...dah sihat?..dah lama sey tak jumpa..”..n the conversation went from there..surprisingly, I was totally ok with it. My conversation with 'afeyah lasted for about..I dunno, maybe 40minutes-1hour, while I talked to huda for 1 hour and 10 minutes! Haiz~ ape ajelah yg kita bualkan?!
Another huda also called..haiz~ baik pulak budak nie nak call! Padahal me cuma sms dia tanya pasal prisma n muraqibah umum..well, our conversation was ok. No awkwardness..*grins*..that one lasted for 1 hour too! N then, me berbual dgn kak mardhyiah pon boleh tahan lama! Alahai, liyana~ sejak bila kau berbual lama2 kt talipon nie!
Me jumpe liyana rahaim kt dlm mrt, on my way to mks, hari khamis yang baru lepas nie..fuyo! Happy sgt2 dpt jumpe dia..me nmpk kelibat aszafirah tgh tunggu mrt kt platform tu..tp jauh ah nk tegur.. hmmm.. it was quite a strange feeling for me, felt good though. Hmmm.. sometimes you don't know how much you miss a person until you see him/her again. So, yeah.. when I saw liyana n talked to her a bit, I realized that I've missed her and all my other classmates! Oh!! I really cant wait to see them again!
Thinking about my friends and school, and looking at the pictures of my secondary-school days, can really bring tears to my eyes. It's kinda weird; me feeling all sad n teary. Sentimental! It's soooo unlike me..
Oh well~ what can I say.. those days are now behind me. But the memories will linger forever..(hopefully!)..n the future? Nah.. I don't want to talk about it. I'll share with you my thoughts about MY future next time..
at home on saturday.
turned out that they - murni and syarafina - didnt recite the poem that mardhiah wrote. i was the one who asked mardhiah to write it, to summarize our gratitude.. n i feel guilty. i wonder why they didnt recite the poem.. hmmmm.. *husnuzzhon* i smsed mardhiah to say im sorry. she replied that she 'hmm.. tkpelah.. ana tk kesah.. tp rase terkilan 2 ttp wujud wlw ana cube tepis.. takpelah ti.. bende da berlalu da..'
well, me pon terkilan jugak.. sbb me betul2 nak ada sajak..dan sajak tu dibace dgn 'passionate'..jadi mak2 bapak2 guru2 pelajar2 dapat hayati dan fahami apa yg kita2 nk sampaikan.. hmm..nmpnknye, message tu tk terluah pon!
klw korg nak tau, sepanjang beberapa jam - from the minute my parents went out (around 8.30 am) until 12 lebih - me asyik fidgetty. at some points, i felt like bursting! i mean, mcm nk buat drastic action: ambik baju sekolah, pakai baju sekolah, n terus pegi sekolah! it was like as if there was a big hole in my heart, n i was going to get it back at school.. haiz~~ quite bizarre, this feeling of mine!
btw, this is the poem that mardhiah wrote:
Di sini...Di tempat ini...
Terlalu kerdil kami rasakan..
Di sini...Di tempat ini..
Kami tenggelam di laut ilmu yang sangat dalam.
Yang menggenangi kami.
Sedekad lamanya.
Di sini...Di tempat ini...
Betapa pun kami layari bahtera ilmu di sini tak terteroka
Di sini...Di tempat ini...
Yang akan kami tadah. Hanya setitik dari samudera.
Yang akan kami petik. Hanya sebiji dari mutiara.
Yang akan kami dakap. Hanya sebingkis dari kenangan.
Saban waktu. Saban detik. Saban saat.
Meski daun masa mulai gugur bersama usia...
around 12-something pm, i started to sms my friends..anxious to know what had happened..how the event was... the smses sounded ok =) bila mak talipon je, tiba2 me excited, nak mak balik cepat2! konon nk mintak mak ceritakan apa yg ada kt sekolah..mak cakap "mak menggigil naik stage..rasa mcm nk nangis pon ada jugak.." hahahahaha! menggigil?? hehe~ tkpelah, bukannya my mum pernah naik stage ambikkan my hadiah..selalunye, tiap2 tahun, me lah yg naik stage..
so, what's the so-called 'hadiah' yang me dapat??? hmm..well..please dont start calling or labelling me 'show-off', 'proud', 'smug' etc...im going to tell you but please dont make it sound as if it's a BIG deal..ok, i got the "PELAJAR CEMERLANG" (Best Student) Award.. just a plaque i think..i dunno, i didnt see it.. coz mum didnt bring it home.
why?
coz it was my request: keep the award, my 'first-position' prize, n my certificate plus my recordbook at school. i'll come for all of them when i've recovered, fully maybe. im thinking of going to school next week - friday - but then again, maybe, maybe not. we'll see..
anyway, me sempat kirim mak supaye passkan 2 envelopes to kamaliah, n then kamaliah gave 1 envelope each to kak hairani n teacher ain..ada ape ye?? tkde ape2 special..cuma gmbr yg me dah printkan tapi tk terkasi-kasi.. yg bestnye, kamaliah pinjamkan dvd THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA n ZATHURA..yey! ada jugak cerita best nak tgk kt rumah...paham2 je lah..me nie dah lah tk boleh keluar..jd tv lah yg kdg2 jd 'lifesaver'..hehe~
the movie NARNIA was great! i kept remembering about THE LORD OF THE RINGS..ye lah..a bit of similarities: going to war, battle of good n evil n both are in different, exciting worlds =) psst..! the eldest brother, peter, looks sweet..hehe~ i like to watch his face.. he looks a bit like chad michael murray..but i dont fancy the latter..
ZATHURA was good too! watching it reminded me of JUMANJI, the players must finish the game, n they encountered real..real..what's the word? hmm..real things ar..a bit of suspence here n there..ooooh! how i dont enjoy anything 'suspenceful'! but i like the movie all the same =)
ok, to wrap it up, i didnt do much today. i think the only knowledgeable thing i did was reading a story or two from Rampaisari Prosa Warisan..i know, i know, the o level has long passed. but in reality, i never finished the book. n when i was reading 'di negeri jin islam' n 'medapat cincin hikmat', in my heart, i was really really grateful (alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah..terima kasih Ya Allah~) that those titles, n others, didnt come out in the 'Sastera' paper. cerita2 yg keluar semuanya me familiar, walaupun tk master sgt..tgklah! ketentuan Allah camne...subhanallah~~ me ingat lagi, minutes before the exam..me benar2 panik! banyak cerita me tk ingat, characters pon tk ingat..jln cerita me tk tahu..i prayed that i would get easy stories...n i was amazed when i read the question paper! see! within minutes, my prayer was answered. it was miraculous! how Allah has arranged all these..as if it was just a coincidence!
hmmm...i guess that's all for now =)
p/s: my dad said,"lagi sebulan baru boleh keluar.." WHAT?! tkkn lah sampai begitu panjang~~ bekas2 nie tkkn hilang pon sampai beberapa tahun! hmmm..oh well~
well, me pon terkilan jugak.. sbb me betul2 nak ada sajak..dan sajak tu dibace dgn 'passionate'..jadi mak2 bapak2 guru2 pelajar2 dapat hayati dan fahami apa yg kita2 nk sampaikan.. hmm..nmpnknye, message tu tk terluah pon!
klw korg nak tau, sepanjang beberapa jam - from the minute my parents went out (around 8.30 am) until 12 lebih - me asyik fidgetty. at some points, i felt like bursting! i mean, mcm nk buat drastic action: ambik baju sekolah, pakai baju sekolah, n terus pegi sekolah! it was like as if there was a big hole in my heart, n i was going to get it back at school.. haiz~~ quite bizarre, this feeling of mine!
btw, this is the poem that mardhiah wrote:
Terlalu kerdil kami rasakan..
Di sini...Di tempat ini..
Kami tenggelam di laut ilmu yang sangat dalam.
Yang menggenangi kami.
Sedekad lamanya.
Di sini...Di tempat ini...
Betapa pun kami layari bahtera ilmu di sini tak terteroka
Di sini...Di tempat ini...
Yang akan kami tadah. Hanya setitik dari samudera.
Yang akan kami petik. Hanya sebiji dari mutiara.
Yang akan kami dakap. Hanya sebingkis dari kenangan.
Saban waktu. Saban detik. Saban saat.
Meski daun masa mulai gugur bersama usia...
around 12-something pm, i started to sms my friends..anxious to know what had happened..how the event was... the smses sounded ok =) bila mak talipon je, tiba2 me excited, nak mak balik cepat2! konon nk mintak mak ceritakan apa yg ada kt sekolah..mak cakap "mak menggigil naik stage..rasa mcm nk nangis pon ada jugak.." hahahahaha! menggigil?? hehe~ tkpelah, bukannya my mum pernah naik stage ambikkan my hadiah..selalunye, tiap2 tahun, me lah yg naik stage..
so, what's the so-called 'hadiah' yang me dapat??? hmm..well..please dont start calling or labelling me 'show-off', 'proud', 'smug' etc...im going to tell you but please dont make it sound as if it's a BIG deal..ok, i got the "PELAJAR CEMERLANG" (Best Student) Award.. just a plaque i think..i dunno, i didnt see it.. coz mum didnt bring it home.
why?
coz it was my request: keep the award, my 'first-position' prize, n my certificate plus my recordbook at school. i'll come for all of them when i've recovered, fully maybe. im thinking of going to school next week - friday - but then again, maybe, maybe not. we'll see..
anyway, me sempat kirim mak supaye passkan 2 envelopes to kamaliah, n then kamaliah gave 1 envelope each to kak hairani n teacher ain..ada ape ye?? tkde ape2 special..cuma gmbr yg me dah printkan tapi tk terkasi-kasi.. yg bestnye, kamaliah pinjamkan dvd THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA n ZATHURA..yey! ada jugak cerita best nak tgk kt rumah...paham2 je lah..me nie dah lah tk boleh keluar..jd tv lah yg kdg2 jd 'lifesaver'..hehe~
the movie NARNIA was great! i kept remembering about THE LORD OF THE RINGS..ye lah..a bit of similarities: going to war, battle of good n evil n both are in different, exciting worlds =) psst..! the eldest brother, peter, looks sweet..hehe~ i like to watch his face.. he looks a bit like chad michael murray..but i dont fancy the latter..
ZATHURA was good too! watching it reminded me of JUMANJI, the players must finish the game, n they encountered real..real..what's the word? hmm..real things ar..a bit of suspence here n there..ooooh! how i dont enjoy anything 'suspenceful'! but i like the movie all the same =)
ok, to wrap it up, i didnt do much today. i think the only knowledgeable thing i did was reading a story or two from Rampaisari Prosa Warisan..i know, i know, the o level has long passed. but in reality, i never finished the book. n when i was reading 'di negeri jin islam' n 'medapat cincin hikmat', in my heart, i was really really grateful (alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah..terima kasih Ya Allah~) that those titles, n others, didnt come out in the 'Sastera' paper. cerita2 yg keluar semuanya me familiar, walaupun tk master sgt..tgklah! ketentuan Allah camne...subhanallah~~ me ingat lagi, minutes before the exam..me benar2 panik! banyak cerita me tk ingat, characters pon tk ingat..jln cerita me tk tahu..i prayed that i would get easy stories...n i was amazed when i read the question paper! see! within minutes, my prayer was answered. it was miraculous! how Allah has arranged all these..as if it was just a coincidence!
hmmm...i guess that's all for now =)
p/s: my dad said,"lagi sebulan baru boleh keluar.." WHAT?! tkkn lah sampai begitu panjang~~ bekas2 nie tkkn hilang pon sampai beberapa tahun! hmmm..oh well~
feeling normal =)
even though i havent recuperated competely, im feeling ok today.
plus the fact yg me dah mandi hadas, lega sey hati! klw tidak, me terpikir2: camne nk mandi hadas eh? sbb ada bekas2 putih all over my body.. you see, calamol lotion yg me gunekan tu mcm kapur, bila sapu kt kulit, nanti kulit keputih2an...n memandangkn me selalu gunekan, jd warna putih tu mcm melekat lah..me jirus beberapa kali pon tk hilang jugak. me tk nk gunekan sabun coz i dunno if it'll affect my skin.
so, agak worried jugak ar..tp td pagi, me mandi je..me percaya, air dapat menembusi bekas2 putih tu..lagipun, it's not thick or anything...so it's alright ar...haiz~ betul2 lega! refreshing pulak tu, sbb sejak kena chicken pox nie, me mandi tk proper sgt..sekejap je mandi.. =|
me mkn pon dah ok skrg...i can enjoy my meal without worrying about my throat! ulcer pon dah ok.. cuma bibir maseh kering ar..
oh! another thing: bubbles kt muka byk yg dah pecah! sedih sey...susah betul nk elak..tp tk rasa sakit..cume eye-sore ah.. sbb kt bubble-spots tu nmpk hardened brownish liquid. alahai~ nmpknye, bertanda lah muka aku ni! tkpe tkpe..redha~~ semalam me pakai t-shirt warna whitish cream gitu.. biler tgk baju tu, eh! byk betul tanda2 brown ada kt bahagian belakang. kt bahagian depan n bahagian lengan pon ada jugak, tp tk byk. haa! ini menunjukkan bahawa byk bubbles yg nk burst.. liquidnya dah mula seeping out..hmm..tk boleh nk elak ar..oh well~~
hmmm...esok confirm benar me tk dtg. sedih betul bila memikirkannya. tp tkpe lah..nk buat camne. klw ikutkn perasaan, me mcm nk pegi je. yelah, me dah ok pe? muke pon, bubbles dah pecah, tgl bekas2 ar yg berwarna dark brown.. we'll see.. mak n ayah dijemput dtg, sbb...ehem~ehem~ tu esok je boleh cerita..haha..klw boleh me nk request hadiah yg me dpt simpan kt sekolah, jgn bwk balik rumah, sbb me nk menerimanya dari tangan mudirah sendiri.. hmm..tk tau lah, klw request nie diterima ke tidak nanti.
terkilah jugak sebab tk dpt nk beri ucapan nanti.. wakil sec4 ialah syarafina n murni (satu monitoress, lg satu prefect)..oh well~~ at least me ada tmbh sikit isi ucapan tu, tp tk tau lah mereka (yg buat ucapan - syarafina n hazimah) terima ke tidak, sbb my isi sounds friendly, not formal. hehe~
sabar je lah liyana..ada hikmah di sebalik semua ni..
plus the fact yg me dah mandi hadas, lega sey hati! klw tidak, me terpikir2: camne nk mandi hadas eh? sbb ada bekas2 putih all over my body.. you see, calamol lotion yg me gunekan tu mcm kapur, bila sapu kt kulit, nanti kulit keputih2an...n memandangkn me selalu gunekan, jd warna putih tu mcm melekat lah..me jirus beberapa kali pon tk hilang jugak. me tk nk gunekan sabun coz i dunno if it'll affect my skin.
so, agak worried jugak ar..tp td pagi, me mandi je..me percaya, air dapat menembusi bekas2 putih tu..lagipun, it's not thick or anything...so it's alright ar...haiz~ betul2 lega! refreshing pulak tu, sbb sejak kena chicken pox nie, me mandi tk proper sgt..sekejap je mandi.. =|
me mkn pon dah ok skrg...i can enjoy my meal without worrying about my throat! ulcer pon dah ok.. cuma bibir maseh kering ar..
oh! another thing: bubbles kt muka byk yg dah pecah! sedih sey...susah betul nk elak..tp tk rasa sakit..cume eye-sore ah.. sbb kt bubble-spots tu nmpk hardened brownish liquid. alahai~ nmpknye, bertanda lah muka aku ni! tkpe tkpe..redha~~ semalam me pakai t-shirt warna whitish cream gitu.. biler tgk baju tu, eh! byk betul tanda2 brown ada kt bahagian belakang. kt bahagian depan n bahagian lengan pon ada jugak, tp tk byk. haa! ini menunjukkan bahawa byk bubbles yg nk burst.. liquidnya dah mula seeping out..hmm..tk boleh nk elak ar..oh well~~
hmmm...esok confirm benar me tk dtg. sedih betul bila memikirkannya. tp tkpe lah..nk buat camne. klw ikutkn perasaan, me mcm nk pegi je. yelah, me dah ok pe? muke pon, bubbles dah pecah, tgl bekas2 ar yg berwarna dark brown.. we'll see.. mak n ayah dijemput dtg, sbb...ehem~ehem~ tu esok je boleh cerita..haha..klw boleh me nk request hadiah yg me dpt simpan kt sekolah, jgn bwk balik rumah, sbb me nk menerimanya dari tangan mudirah sendiri.. hmm..tk tau lah, klw request nie diterima ke tidak nanti.
terkilah jugak sebab tk dpt nk beri ucapan nanti.. wakil sec4 ialah syarafina n murni (satu monitoress, lg satu prefect)..oh well~~ at least me ada tmbh sikit isi ucapan tu, tp tk tau lah mereka (yg buat ucapan - syarafina n hazimah) terima ke tidak, sbb my isi sounds friendly, not formal. hehe~
sabar je lah liyana..ada hikmah di sebalik semua ni..
it's raining.
i just read aszafirah's blog. yes, i notice that it's been raining for days. but i think it's MORE than 5 days. the weather is cold. yeah...the wind feels nice, sometimes..n i dont have to switch on the fan at night..save electricity, no?
anyway, this raining thing sparks something in my mind..i've been thinking about it. n i think im going to share with you out there what's been bothering me. plus, i watched a documentary about Yellowstone Supervolcano yesternight. the scientists are predicting how a supervolcano eruption might be.
have you ever received an email about a scientist who predicted that a tsunami would hit somewhere in the Indian Ocean n affect indonesia n all (turns out to be true - tsunami hit acheh, thailand, sri lanka)?? well, i did. n it is said that this particular scientist also predicted that between late december 2005 n early january 2006, something will happen in the Southern China Sea..i cant remember what..another tsunami or something, but i know it has something to do with the weather. n that it'll somehow affect singapore.
now, this information makes me alert since december..i dunno why, but i think i have to see whether the prediction is correct or wrong...Allah knows best.. im waiting for something wrong to happen, but i fear if anything drastic, dramatic, terrible will happen..Ya Allah..jauhkanlah...
of course i've noticed about the cold weather..n the floods in malaysia (hmmm..cant remember where, coz i didnt read the news, i just took note..in terengganu, n perak isit??).. n landslides in indonesia, n recently, i stumbled upon a news about contenas (correct spelling??) found on a beach in malaysia (kt terengganu agaknye). the contenas were filled with prawns n something else, sorry i cant remember.the prawns stick well in my head coz i was thinking about the abundant amount of prawns the villagers got, n the loss faced by singaporean prawn sellers..coz i read that the contenas belonged to a cargo ship sailing from..err..cant remember..to singapore.the ship was in/on the Southern China Sea when a terrible storm hit. "ribut" ah...
so, there. n im still thinking. could the worst be out there?
here are some pictures of the Yellowtone Park. enjoy!
What Is A Supervolcano?
From the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) Yellowstone Volcano Observatory Web site:
"The term 'supervolcano' implies an eruption of magnitude 8 on the Volcano Explosivity Index, meaning that more than 1,000 cubic kilometers (250 cubic miles) of magma (partially molten rock) are erupted. The most recent such event on Earth occurred 74,000 years ago at the Toba Caldera in Sumatra, Indonesia."
Examples of volcanoes that have produced exceedingly voluminous eruptions and formed large calderas in the past 2 million years include Yellowstone, Long Valley in eastern California, Toba in Indonesia and Taupo in New Zealand. Other supervolcanoes would likely include the large caldera volcanoes of Japan, Indonesia and South America, among others, according to USGS.
read this to know more about 'Truth, fiction and everything in between at Yellowstone'.
VOLCANO HAZARDS FACT SHEET:
Yellowstone: Restless Volcanic Giant
national geographic - Yellowstone Volcano: Is "the Beast" Building to a Violent Tantrum?
Yellowstone's Craggy Face
Photograph by José Azel
Nearly 11,000 feet (3,400 meters) tall, imposing Abiathar Peak forms the southern wall of Ice Box Canyon in northeastern Yellowstone. In 1885 the mountain was named for Charles Abiathar White, a paleontologist with the U.S. Geological Survey. Much of Yellowstone is a plateau ranging from 7,000 to 9,000 feet (2,000 to 3,000 meters). Its loftiest summit, Eagle Peak, rises 11,358 feet (3,461 meters) in Yellowstone's southeast corner.
Where They Still Roam
Photograph by JoséAzel
Bison find warmth in the steam of Lower Geyser Basin near Fountain Paint Pot. Nearly wiped out by commercial hunters by around 1900, these symbols of the Old West were preserved by captive breeding. Today some 5,000 roam throughout the region between Yellowstone and Grand Teton.
Because some bison carry a disease called brucellosis, which could infect cattle, those that cross or approach Yellowstone's northern boundary with Montana are driven back, or hazed, by state officials—or even killed.
Did You Know?
Most people who are familiar with Yellowstone National Park have heard of Old Faithful, Mammoth Hot Springs, and Mud Volcano. These are just some of the more than 10,000 thermal features in the park. But did you know that Yellowstone National Park sits within the Yellowstone caldera, one of the world's largest active volcanoes? The extreme size of the caldera (approximately 28 by 47 miles [45 by 76 kilometers) is why most people are not aware of it. The caldera erupted in a series of massive explosions (some 2 million, 1.3 million, and 630,000 years ago) that dwarf any volcanic eruptions in recent history. In fact, the largest of the three eruptions (2 million years ago) was at least 2,500 times larger than the eruption of Mount St. Helens in 1980. The hot spot that was the force behind those eruptions is what powers the thermal features that make Yellowstone so well known today. And as evidence that all of this activity is still ongoing and ever changing, a portion of Yellowstone's Norris Geyser Basin was temporarily closed this summer due to increased thermal activity and high ground temperatures.
- Alice J. Dunn
A 60-to-90-foot (20-to-30-meter) jet of steam erupts every 10 to 12 hours from Castle Geyser in Upper Geyser Basin. Some 300 geysers boil and bubble throughout the park. Heavily layered with a silica-rich mineral formed from volcanically heated underground water, Castle may have been erupting for 15,000 years, one of Yellowstone's oldest geysers.
anyway, this raining thing sparks something in my mind..i've been thinking about it. n i think im going to share with you out there what's been bothering me. plus, i watched a documentary about Yellowstone Supervolcano yesternight. the scientists are predicting how a supervolcano eruption might be.
have you ever received an email about a scientist who predicted that a tsunami would hit somewhere in the Indian Ocean n affect indonesia n all (turns out to be true - tsunami hit acheh, thailand, sri lanka)?? well, i did. n it is said that this particular scientist also predicted that between late december 2005 n early january 2006, something will happen in the Southern China Sea..i cant remember what..another tsunami or something, but i know it has something to do with the weather. n that it'll somehow affect singapore.
now, this information makes me alert since december..i dunno why, but i think i have to see whether the prediction is correct or wrong...Allah knows best.. im waiting for something wrong to happen, but i fear if anything drastic, dramatic, terrible will happen..Ya Allah..jauhkanlah...
of course i've noticed about the cold weather..n the floods in malaysia (hmmm..cant remember where, coz i didnt read the news, i just took note..in terengganu, n perak isit??).. n landslides in indonesia, n recently, i stumbled upon a news about contenas (correct spelling??) found on a beach in malaysia (kt terengganu agaknye). the contenas were filled with prawns n something else, sorry i cant remember.the prawns stick well in my head coz i was thinking about the abundant amount of prawns the villagers got, n the loss faced by singaporean prawn sellers..coz i read that the contenas belonged to a cargo ship sailing from..err..cant remember..to singapore.the ship was in/on the Southern China Sea when a terrible storm hit. "ribut" ah...
so, there. n im still thinking. could the worst be out there?
here are some pictures of the Yellowtone Park. enjoy!
What Is A Supervolcano?
From the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) Yellowstone Volcano Observatory Web site:
"The term 'supervolcano' implies an eruption of magnitude 8 on the Volcano Explosivity Index, meaning that more than 1,000 cubic kilometers (250 cubic miles) of magma (partially molten rock) are erupted. The most recent such event on Earth occurred 74,000 years ago at the Toba Caldera in Sumatra, Indonesia."
Examples of volcanoes that have produced exceedingly voluminous eruptions and formed large calderas in the past 2 million years include Yellowstone, Long Valley in eastern California, Toba in Indonesia and Taupo in New Zealand. Other supervolcanoes would likely include the large caldera volcanoes of Japan, Indonesia and South America, among others, according to USGS.
read this to know more about 'Truth, fiction and everything in between at Yellowstone'.
VOLCANO HAZARDS FACT SHEET:
Yellowstone: Restless Volcanic Giant
national geographic - Yellowstone Volcano: Is "the Beast" Building to a Violent Tantrum?
Yellowstone's Craggy Face Photograph by José Azel
Nearly 11,000 feet (3,400 meters) tall, imposing Abiathar Peak forms the southern wall of Ice Box Canyon in northeastern Yellowstone. In 1885 the mountain was named for Charles Abiathar White, a paleontologist with the U.S. Geological Survey. Much of Yellowstone is a plateau ranging from 7,000 to 9,000 feet (2,000 to 3,000 meters). Its loftiest summit, Eagle Peak, rises 11,358 feet (3,461 meters) in Yellowstone's southeast corner.
Where They Still Roam Photograph by JoséAzel
Bison find warmth in the steam of Lower Geyser Basin near Fountain Paint Pot. Nearly wiped out by commercial hunters by around 1900, these symbols of the Old West were preserved by captive breeding. Today some 5,000 roam throughout the region between Yellowstone and Grand Teton.
Because some bison carry a disease called brucellosis, which could infect cattle, those that cross or approach Yellowstone's northern boundary with Montana are driven back, or hazed, by state officials—or even killed.
Did You Know?
Most people who are familiar with Yellowstone National Park have heard of Old Faithful, Mammoth Hot Springs, and Mud Volcano. These are just some of the more than 10,000 thermal features in the park. But did you know that Yellowstone National Park sits within the Yellowstone caldera, one of the world's largest active volcanoes? The extreme size of the caldera (approximately 28 by 47 miles [45 by 76 kilometers) is why most people are not aware of it. The caldera erupted in a series of massive explosions (some 2 million, 1.3 million, and 630,000 years ago) that dwarf any volcanic eruptions in recent history. In fact, the largest of the three eruptions (2 million years ago) was at least 2,500 times larger than the eruption of Mount St. Helens in 1980. The hot spot that was the force behind those eruptions is what powers the thermal features that make Yellowstone so well known today. And as evidence that all of this activity is still ongoing and ever changing, a portion of Yellowstone's Norris Geyser Basin was temporarily closed this summer due to increased thermal activity and high ground temperatures.
- Alice J. Dunn
A 60-to-90-foot (20-to-30-meter) jet of steam erupts every 10 to 12 hours from Castle Geyser in Upper Geyser Basin. Some 300 geysers boil and bubble throughout the park. Heavily layered with a silica-rich mineral formed from volcanically heated underground water, Castle may have been erupting for 15,000 years, one of Yellowstone's oldest geysers.
blimey!
When I woke up this morning, you know what's the first thing that came to my mind??
Bahas. Debate.
Ironic, isn't it? It's been months since those days, n now I wish I had one more chance to prove myself again. But then I thought, "yeah right! N you'll do the same blunder again, n embarrass not just yourself, but the school too!"
Im not shameful to say that sometimes I fantasize about the possible scenes - good, awesome ones - that could've happened or might happen, if given a chance..you know, like I was saying the right thing, shooting out the words with sarcasm, yet in style..with proper technique and all. I even imagine myself winning the hearts of the judges, thus winning the 'best speaker' title.
Call me 'exaggerating loser', 'sore loser', etc.. whatever you want. But im NOT a sore loser. Im just another ordinary kid who regrets what she did on-stage months ago. N im the kind of person who never easily forgets, accepts, ignores n erases embarrassing memories.
This year, I hope alsagoffians will do us proud =) or if not them, then I hope other madrasah students will.. hidup madrasah! Hidup madrasah!
Ok, remember that I said in the last part of the previous post that I was going to take a nap??? Well, guess what? That little bit of a nap turned out to be for 4 HOURS... some kind of a nap huh? Anyway, you know what happened next? My temperature went uphill! The weather was wet, rainy, cold, n as I sat on the floor, watching tv (around 4-6pm), I started to feel the cold creeping into my veins, n after that the headache arrived... it's not really what I call a ‘searing, tearing, excruciating’ headache, but it was painful, alright.. berdenyut-denyut betul! Good thing I have an untouched paracatemol tablets, which I had gotten when I received my medications for athma, so I ate 2 of them n felt better. Alhamdulillah..
What I hadn’t expected the next morning was...
I was half-asleep around 9-something am, n when I sub-consciously touched my chest, I felt a small swelling, then...oh! It was gone! N the spot where the swelling was was a little painful. I woke up with a jolt. Oh no! it cant be.. it cant be..
CHICKEN POX!
I went straight into the toilet, checked my body, felt around my back. There was one bubble on the front, another on the back, then another one just a little bit above my waist. *at the point of writing, I've forgotten if there are any other bubbles at that time*
I took a bath, determined to go to the polyclinic IMMEDIATELY n get the medicine. Luckily my mother was up right after I finished my bath, so I told her n she checked my back. Yeah, it could be chicken pox... wait, let me tell you WHAT was on my mind as I was taking my bath: how am I going to the school's prize-giving day-cum-sec4 graduation ceremony??????????? If im sick with chicken pox (I was already confident at that time), I can't go! N I want to go. badly!!! nooooo..this cant be happening!!
The female doctor said, after I showed her the bubbles (but only 2 of them), that it was too early to diagnose them as chicken pox, instead those bubbles could've been caused by the weather, allergy etc. but, if it's chicken pox, then now is the INFECTIOUS PERIOD. She said those words with such an emphasis, intensity, that I kept repeating them to my mum! "infectious period...infectious period..."
I was advised not to go out in a few days, to see my development.. I mean, the bubbles, if there'll be more of it as the days go by. But that day (Thursday), I had planned to go to mks, ada iftar jamaie. Hmmm... I went at last, my mother gave me the green light =)
Unfortunately, when I was at mks, I started to feel weak, n by 6-something pm, the fever was back. (in the morning, when I was in the toilet, as I was summing up all the possibilities of me getting chicken pox, I remembered the previous night's fever n thought, "it all fits! I AM having chicken pox!") n then, before I could break my fast, I found out that i couldn't fast anymore (you get what I mean?)...hehe.. I was relieved, a bit.. =P
I was careful not to 'share' my food n drink with anybody else, so I took my share n refused to let anyone give me a bit of her share nor her drink. The doctor had said 'your mouth n nose secretion has a LOT of virus in it...' that kind of thing, so I was worried if I spilled my saliva somewhere...haiz~ so the leceh! Then after some time, I remembered that kak juwita must have touched my plastic spoon as she disposed it away. Alamak! I hope she wont get infected!
I went home with kak juwita, took bus 196/197 (cant remember) to marine parade, then took 966 to woodlands. During that time, my headache was already back. Every time I said something, or walked a bit too quickly, or do anything a bit too fast, my head 'berdenyut-denyut'.. ='( n I shivered like hell (but not as in 'hot as hell', ya?) all the way to woodlands... during the journey home, i suddenly remembered about respiration n diffusion, liquid vapour and all...oh no!
Oh well~ n so begins my experience as an unfortunate teenager with chicken pox.
Today is the 8th day..n still counting. the bubbles are everywhere.n I mean, EVERYWHERE. I don't put the calamol lotion on my head, though..leceh ah nak cari bisul-bisul tu di sebalik rambut, cuma kadang-kadang gatal tu ada ah.. alhamdulillah, I've gotten more n more comfortable as the days pass. During the first few days, I was reluctant to sleep on my back or lean on the sofa, afraid that the growing bubbles might burst. N I had trouble sleeping. But that was days ago. Now im ok, the only problem is my mouth: dry lips, 2-3 small ulcers in my mouth, n a swollen anak tekak, I think. (but, as im writing this, my throat feels ok when I do the gulping thing..) so, I still have trouble enjoying the food I eat *sad..sad..* another thing is that the inevitable has happened: some of the bubbles have popped. It's ok, I guess I have to live with it.. plus the bubbles have changed in colour: it's yellowish in the middle (I assume the dead virus - pus - is inside, waiting to be engulfed by phagocytes, or burst out) n red around the bubbles.. hmm.. the itchiness would come anytime, here n there, n I have to softly rub the itchy spots! Urgh!
Im still sad at the fact that im not able to attend this Saturday's event... it's something I've been waiting, anticipating for 2 years...n it turns out that I cant go =( I feel like crying when thinking about this, but I believe, n try to assure myself, that Allah has something in store for me...I pray to Him to soften my heart, so I can accept this matter..it's just a small matter, I tell myself..it's ok, it's ok, it's ok..
However, imagining my friends taking happy photos of themselves, with the teachers, makes my heart ache more..Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hati hambaMu ini..
Hmmm..i wonder..if maybe, I can go??? But my face still look terrible, yellowish spots here n there...*sighs heavily* cant make up my mind..im hoping someone might come n say to my face, "hey, girl, you can go to the event. Your condition is quite ok now. It has passed the infectious period. Now, go! N have a good time!" hmmm..some dream huh?
Do you think I should or should not go?
*********************
Home Treatment
Most home treatment is aimed at relieving the annoying itch of chickenpox and the accompanying fever and discomfort. However, NEVER use aspirin to reduce pain or fever in children with chickenpox or certain other viral illnesses. Using aspirin in such cases has been associated with a serious disease, called Reye syndrome, which can lead to liver failure and even death.
Some measures you can take to help your child get through this itchy, uncomfortable time:
• Use wet compresses or give baths in cool or lukewarm water every 3 to 4 hours for the first few days. Oatmeal baths, available at the supermarket or pharmacy, can help to relieve itching. (Baths do not spread chickenpox.)
• Pat (don't rub) the body dry.
• Put calamine lotion on itchy areas (but don't use it on the face, especially near the eyes).
• Give your child foods that are cold, soft, and bland because chickenpox in the mouth may make drinking or eating difficult. Try to avoid feeding your child anything that's highly acidic or especially salty, like orange juice or pretzels.
• Ask your child's doctor or pharmacist about pain-relieving creams you can apply to sores in the genital area.
• Give your child acetaminophen (such as Tylenol) regularly to help relieve pain from mouth blisters.
And although it's tempting, children should be discouraged from scratching. Tell your child to come to you for help when faced with the urge to scratch. In addition, trim your child's fingernails and keep them clean to help lessen the effects of scratching, including broken blisters and infection.
--i use the calamol lotion on my face, but when i read the above, i stop..what am i supposed do with my face then?? what cream should i use??
--good thing i dont have chicken pox in my mouth, i really hope not! funny though, i found an ulcer-like shape in my eyes, but not on the conjunctiva..it's on the red part..you know what i mean?? it's not painful though, dont worry =)
ok, enough about my chicken pox story. i've written nearly 3 pages (in Microsoft Word) !!
Bahas. Debate.
Ironic, isn't it? It's been months since those days, n now I wish I had one more chance to prove myself again. But then I thought, "yeah right! N you'll do the same blunder again, n embarrass not just yourself, but the school too!"
Im not shameful to say that sometimes I fantasize about the possible scenes - good, awesome ones - that could've happened or might happen, if given a chance..you know, like I was saying the right thing, shooting out the words with sarcasm, yet in style..with proper technique and all. I even imagine myself winning the hearts of the judges, thus winning the 'best speaker' title.
Call me 'exaggerating loser', 'sore loser', etc.. whatever you want. But im NOT a sore loser. Im just another ordinary kid who regrets what she did on-stage months ago. N im the kind of person who never easily forgets, accepts, ignores n erases embarrassing memories.
This year, I hope alsagoffians will do us proud =) or if not them, then I hope other madrasah students will.. hidup madrasah! Hidup madrasah!
Ok, remember that I said in the last part of the previous post that I was going to take a nap??? Well, guess what? That little bit of a nap turned out to be for 4 HOURS... some kind of a nap huh? Anyway, you know what happened next? My temperature went uphill! The weather was wet, rainy, cold, n as I sat on the floor, watching tv (around 4-6pm), I started to feel the cold creeping into my veins, n after that the headache arrived... it's not really what I call a ‘searing, tearing, excruciating’ headache, but it was painful, alright.. berdenyut-denyut betul! Good thing I have an untouched paracatemol tablets, which I had gotten when I received my medications for athma, so I ate 2 of them n felt better. Alhamdulillah..
What I hadn’t expected the next morning was...
I was half-asleep around 9-something am, n when I sub-consciously touched my chest, I felt a small swelling, then...oh! It was gone! N the spot where the swelling was was a little painful. I woke up with a jolt. Oh no! it cant be.. it cant be..
CHICKEN POX!
I went straight into the toilet, checked my body, felt around my back. There was one bubble on the front, another on the back, then another one just a little bit above my waist. *at the point of writing, I've forgotten if there are any other bubbles at that time*
I took a bath, determined to go to the polyclinic IMMEDIATELY n get the medicine. Luckily my mother was up right after I finished my bath, so I told her n she checked my back. Yeah, it could be chicken pox... wait, let me tell you WHAT was on my mind as I was taking my bath: how am I going to the school's prize-giving day-cum-sec4 graduation ceremony??????????? If im sick with chicken pox (I was already confident at that time), I can't go! N I want to go. badly!!! nooooo..this cant be happening!!
The female doctor said, after I showed her the bubbles (but only 2 of them), that it was too early to diagnose them as chicken pox, instead those bubbles could've been caused by the weather, allergy etc. but, if it's chicken pox, then now is the INFECTIOUS PERIOD. She said those words with such an emphasis, intensity, that I kept repeating them to my mum! "infectious period...infectious period..."
I was advised not to go out in a few days, to see my development.. I mean, the bubbles, if there'll be more of it as the days go by. But that day (Thursday), I had planned to go to mks, ada iftar jamaie. Hmmm... I went at last, my mother gave me the green light =)
Unfortunately, when I was at mks, I started to feel weak, n by 6-something pm, the fever was back. (in the morning, when I was in the toilet, as I was summing up all the possibilities of me getting chicken pox, I remembered the previous night's fever n thought, "it all fits! I AM having chicken pox!") n then, before I could break my fast, I found out that i couldn't fast anymore (you get what I mean?)...hehe.. I was relieved, a bit.. =P
I was careful not to 'share' my food n drink with anybody else, so I took my share n refused to let anyone give me a bit of her share nor her drink. The doctor had said 'your mouth n nose secretion has a LOT of virus in it...' that kind of thing, so I was worried if I spilled my saliva somewhere...haiz~ so the leceh! Then after some time, I remembered that kak juwita must have touched my plastic spoon as she disposed it away. Alamak! I hope she wont get infected!
I went home with kak juwita, took bus 196/197 (cant remember) to marine parade, then took 966 to woodlands. During that time, my headache was already back. Every time I said something, or walked a bit too quickly, or do anything a bit too fast, my head 'berdenyut-denyut'.. ='( n I shivered like hell (but not as in 'hot as hell', ya?) all the way to woodlands... during the journey home, i suddenly remembered about respiration n diffusion, liquid vapour and all...oh no!
Oh well~ n so begins my experience as an unfortunate teenager with chicken pox.
Today is the 8th day..n still counting. the bubbles are everywhere.n I mean, EVERYWHERE. I don't put the calamol lotion on my head, though..leceh ah nak cari bisul-bisul tu di sebalik rambut, cuma kadang-kadang gatal tu ada ah.. alhamdulillah, I've gotten more n more comfortable as the days pass. During the first few days, I was reluctant to sleep on my back or lean on the sofa, afraid that the growing bubbles might burst. N I had trouble sleeping. But that was days ago. Now im ok, the only problem is my mouth: dry lips, 2-3 small ulcers in my mouth, n a swollen anak tekak, I think. (but, as im writing this, my throat feels ok when I do the gulping thing..) so, I still have trouble enjoying the food I eat *sad..sad..* another thing is that the inevitable has happened: some of the bubbles have popped. It's ok, I guess I have to live with it.. plus the bubbles have changed in colour: it's yellowish in the middle (I assume the dead virus - pus - is inside, waiting to be engulfed by phagocytes, or burst out) n red around the bubbles.. hmm.. the itchiness would come anytime, here n there, n I have to softly rub the itchy spots! Urgh!
Im still sad at the fact that im not able to attend this Saturday's event... it's something I've been waiting, anticipating for 2 years...n it turns out that I cant go =( I feel like crying when thinking about this, but I believe, n try to assure myself, that Allah has something in store for me...I pray to Him to soften my heart, so I can accept this matter..it's just a small matter, I tell myself..it's ok, it's ok, it's ok..
However, imagining my friends taking happy photos of themselves, with the teachers, makes my heart ache more..Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hati hambaMu ini..
Hmmm..i wonder..if maybe, I can go??? But my face still look terrible, yellowish spots here n there...*sighs heavily* cant make up my mind..im hoping someone might come n say to my face, "hey, girl, you can go to the event. Your condition is quite ok now. It has passed the infectious period. Now, go! N have a good time!" hmmm..some dream huh?
Do you think I should or should not go?
*********************
Home Treatment
Most home treatment is aimed at relieving the annoying itch of chickenpox and the accompanying fever and discomfort. However, NEVER use aspirin to reduce pain or fever in children with chickenpox or certain other viral illnesses. Using aspirin in such cases has been associated with a serious disease, called Reye syndrome, which can lead to liver failure and even death.
Some measures you can take to help your child get through this itchy, uncomfortable time:
• Use wet compresses or give baths in cool or lukewarm water every 3 to 4 hours for the first few days. Oatmeal baths, available at the supermarket or pharmacy, can help to relieve itching. (Baths do not spread chickenpox.)
• Pat (don't rub) the body dry.
• Put calamine lotion on itchy areas (but don't use it on the face, especially near the eyes).
• Give your child foods that are cold, soft, and bland because chickenpox in the mouth may make drinking or eating difficult. Try to avoid feeding your child anything that's highly acidic or especially salty, like orange juice or pretzels.
• Ask your child's doctor or pharmacist about pain-relieving creams you can apply to sores in the genital area.
• Give your child acetaminophen (such as Tylenol) regularly to help relieve pain from mouth blisters.
And although it's tempting, children should be discouraged from scratching. Tell your child to come to you for help when faced with the urge to scratch. In addition, trim your child's fingernails and keep them clean to help lessen the effects of scratching, including broken blisters and infection.
--i use the calamol lotion on my face, but when i read the above, i stop..what am i supposed do with my face then?? what cream should i use??
--good thing i dont have chicken pox in my mouth, i really hope not! funny though, i found an ulcer-like shape in my eyes, but not on the conjunctiva..it's on the red part..you know what i mean?? it's not painful though, dont worry =)
ok, enough about my chicken pox story. i've written nearly 3 pages (in Microsoft Word) !!
no time to blog.
my tagboard's been a bit of a problem. yeah, it has.
to answer soalan's question: there IS an archive section. scroll down the top box. you'll see 'profile', 'likes', 'dislikes', 'links', 'credits' n 'archives'.
n to cuz: about the pictures, what's wrong with them?? all i know is, when you point the curser on the picture(s), it'll be..umm..what's the word..'shown backwards'?? 'reflected'?? urgh..point and you'll see. but you can still click on the picture(s) to enlarge it. n i DONT always change my template, ok?
actually, i didnt want to write an entry today, i mean, now..in the morning. my eyes are still tired, n the computer screen is disturbing my eyes.
talk about my eyes - my vision is deteriorating. im afraid the worst will come. im going to have to change the lens (or is it 'lenses'??)..it'll be the second time if i do that. the first time was somewhere last year. i havent changed the frame for 4 years though. but i would like to have a black frame. hmmm...we'll see. anyway, i still dont want contact lenses. i feel kinda safe n hidden behind my glasses, thank you. plus, i think i look better with my glasses on! hehe~ =p
yesterday was a long day for me. finally i got to tasmi' with ustaz azmi. i intended to finish juz ehem~ehem~, but i stopped before the last surah..nvm..tomorrow i'll continue, n perhaps with new surah(s). i went out at 12-something, reached mks around 2-something, tried to 'strengthen' my memorizations while waiting for kak juwita. after solat asar, tasmi'. in between, i was kinda sleepy. i slept late the night before, n got up early to send aqila to the mrt station (ish! leceh betul ah!).
left mks around 6pm. the bus came at around 6.20...we should've taken a bus to bedok, n from there, to jurong east by mrt. but then, kak juwita suggested 197, as kak mariam had done before. so ok, the journey took about 1 hour n 40 minutes! i was relaxed though. the farthest i've been on 197 is the cityhall mrt station. so i enjoyed seeing the places beyond that. =) we reached ustaz ahmad's house around 8.20-8.30 pm...(you realise what we've missed??), by that time, i felt like going home..but alhamdulillah, i didnt feel very sleepy during the lesson, n i managed to concentrate well.
going home, i took the mrt. reached home around 10.30pm. i was exhausted. but i couldnt sleep immediately coz i hadnt prayed..oh well~~ around 11-something (pass 11.35pm), after solat n a bit of writing n reciting, i was already on my bed. dozed off.
you know, when i was in the bus, going to mks...as i saw kids n teenagers in school uniforms, i felt a twang of sadness. n jealousy. it was jealousy, mostly. jealous coz other kids go to school in their new uniforms, bags n shoes, while im not doing that anymore. i thought of my school. jealous coz the students can enjoy new improvements n changes, fool around with friends, interact with teachers, feel the excitement of up-coming events, involve themselves in indoor n outdoor competitions, help around in school occasions, or simply help the teacher to set up the projector. n the prefects; they get to stand in front of the students..be in control.
oh! how i miss those things, it's only been 2 months or so..i dunno, i feel like not wanting to miss out on anything that's going on in alsagoff..n yet, i know i've missed out, since the day i left school, n am going to miss out for years n years to come. i must look ahead now. im going through changes n im gonna face a new world: meet new people, adapt in new school, etc. n as i read aszafirah's entry about her first day at almaarif, i was a bit jealous too..not jealous of her, but jealous on/by the fact that she's already gone to a new school, i mean gone somewhere, whereas i am still here, doing nothing. not there, not anywhere. hmmm... what am i thinking?!
ok, enough of my rants. i have a statement to make: lately, i've not been able to update much coz i dont get to use the computer..just a little bit - to check my emails n msn. most of the time, the computer's used by my father, or aqila..haiz~ klw tk ayah, aqila gunakan, klw tk aqila, ayah yg gunakan. so, i kinda stand back n relax..just wait for a time, like now - undisturbed, uninterrupted, not-in-haste, n noone-to-peer-at/on-my-back, to update. =)
i better stop. im going to have a little nap. then maybe, i'll go to the library to start on an overdue project. going there around late afternoon or noon would be better, coz there's not many people around. oh! n around evening n night. should be peaceful n calm, i think.
when will this end???
i got an email from a friend, an email showing pictures. pictures of extremely thin and sick children, suffering from starvation, malnutrition..famine. i cant explain the feelings that swept over me when i saw the pictures, as with other...pictures that i've seen before. (see! i couldnt even get a perfect adjective to describe the pictures!!)
this picture caught my attention; see the child, how he/she eats bits of leftover? can you just imagine yourself in his/her shoes?? Ya Allah.....
now, this picture is REALLY shocking! you realize what this child is doing?? i know, i know, it's damn disgusting.. but i believe he cant help it..he's desperate.."desperate times call for desperate measures"..
this is as shocking as the above picture...masya Allah~, here i, we, have fresh water running out of the tap easily, to fill our needs..fresh water, which we often take for granted. n this picture openly proves that you shouldn't complain if you dont have ENOUGH fresh water, coz there are places where there is NO fresh water, let alone CLEAN WATER, or drinkable! at least this child wants to 'clean' himself - bathe, even though the liquid used is dirty n foul-smelling, n comes from a disgusting source..unlike some of us, who sometimes dont even think of bathing because they're too lazy or too busy, or simply cheapskates who call themselves "water-savers"..
the last picture here is very popular..im quite amazed that such picture could spark the world's interest and win the photographer a prestigious prize..as one would say," a picture is worth a thousand words."
click on the picture to read the message below it.
i searched up "kevin carter" to know more about his pictures. it was quite a read. click here to find out. at the end of the page, there's another website where you can read long stories, news headlines and letters about the photographer's death. quite tragic to me..i'd say that photojournalism, especially in war-stricken and poverty-stricken areas, can really take its toll on people, you get what i mean??
"I am haunted by the vivid memories of killings & corpses & anger & pain... of starving or wounded children, of trigger-happy madmen... The pain of life overrides the joy to the point that joy does not exist."
this picture caught my attention; see the child, how he/she eats bits of leftover? can you just imagine yourself in his/her shoes?? Ya Allah.....
now, this picture is REALLY shocking! you realize what this child is doing?? i know, i know, it's damn disgusting.. but i believe he cant help it..he's desperate.."desperate times call for desperate measures"..
this is as shocking as the above picture...masya Allah~, here i, we, have fresh water running out of the tap easily, to fill our needs..fresh water, which we often take for granted. n this picture openly proves that you shouldn't complain if you dont have ENOUGH fresh water, coz there are places where there is NO fresh water, let alone CLEAN WATER, or drinkable! at least this child wants to 'clean' himself - bathe, even though the liquid used is dirty n foul-smelling, n comes from a disgusting source..unlike some of us, who sometimes dont even think of bathing because they're too lazy or too busy, or simply cheapskates who call themselves "water-savers"..
the last picture here is very popular..im quite amazed that such picture could spark the world's interest and win the photographer a prestigious prize..as one would say," a picture is worth a thousand words."
click on the picture to read the message below it.
i searched up "kevin carter" to know more about his pictures. it was quite a read. click here to find out. at the end of the page, there's another website where you can read long stories, news headlines and letters about the photographer's death. quite tragic to me..i'd say that photojournalism, especially in war-stricken and poverty-stricken areas, can really take its toll on people, you get what i mean??
©Everything in its time - Powered By Blogger
Thanks to Blogger Templates | punta cana dominican republic